AN: Thanks for your patience. Travelling was so tiring - even it I wasn't anywhere very far. Just new routines and things... And getting back to writing wasn't that easy either. And honestly, I am not sure if this chapter is all that I wanted it to be - I hope I get my groove back soon. Hope you still enjoy this little step forward in many ways.
Chapter 23
October 16th, 2022, Boston, MA
Logan took in a deep lungful of ocean air, allowing the coolness of the air to overcome him. The sun shone brightly but the air was brisk that morning.
Rory wasn't the only one following Otis' advice that week. It was also the reason Logan had met up with a bunch of strangers in South Boston.
During the introductory round - when they'd stood in a circle ten minutes ago, he hadn't been Logan Huntzberger, he was just Logan whose goal was to try something new. He'd met a dozen others, some who'd been doing this for ages, some new just like him.
Nobody cared what car one had driven up in, what one did for work or whether or not one actually had the professional gear for this. Logan didn't yet - it was his first time. But temperature wise - it was still at least theoretically doable to any self-assured individual without having a chunky swim robe.
He was pretty sure he wouldn't be finding best friends from this group, at least not this quickly - but it was opening up his circle of aquaintances certainly. Little steps were better than none.
The M Street Beach sand crunched under his toes - it was cold. But consciously Logan knew he was soon going to be much colder. A life of blue waters, white or black volcanic beaches at tropical locations or heated infinity pools, cocktails under the sunshade… this was very far from that. The contrast was sharp.
He was listening to an instructor speak about safety, but Logan was only really half listening. This wasn't anything he hadn't read up on in advance. And being the kind of person he was - a risk taker - he only really just wanted to go ahead and do it. He wasn't aiming for world records or marathons.
But soon enough, after discarding his jacket and towel onto a bench, he found himself following the group into the water. The water was 57 degrees as he'd checked it earlier. And while Logan knew this was nothing… he couldn't really recall the last time he'd done something initially so unpleasant on purpose.
But just like he'd forced himself to take his wedding ring off the other day, wanting to push through all the feelings associated with it, having made a decision that he just needed to move on, he did it now too and simply on sheer will he put one foot in front of the other and marched into the water, sinking his whole body in even before he was waist deep just to get it over with.
His body's initial reaction was somewhat expected. He jumped back up from under the water, feeling instantly the relief of the ocean being actually a few degrees warmer than the air. But he didn't end things there, and took a few more steps, actually managing to slide into the water with a lot more ease this time. Some people around him yelped, some squealed, some went in with dignified silence, clearly having done this way more times by now. For a moment it felt as if he was holding his breath while moved in the cold water, but then too, he forced himself to breathe. He'd read about this. He just needed to focus and he did. Inhale, exhale - and repeat.
He did perhaps a dozen breast strokes, not intending to get anywhere far, before emerging.
He could feel how now that his breathing was different, his body tingled - blood rushing to the surface of his body.
He quickly wrapped a towel around him, and said a brief goodbye to some of the people he'd already exchanged a couple of words with before, many of them making their way towards their cars to change. The exits were always rather quick at these things, as they'd been told in the beginning.
It might have been cold. He was still cold. But it had also been exhilarating. It had felt almost ceremonious - symbolizing the new beginning he was sensing - just like many religious ceremonies who used water for their cleansing. In his case there was no one entity or not even several - it was just pushing his body beyond the usual - running and action. It was in part about gratitude too - even if the simplest form of gratitude out of many-many things was being able to sit into his warm car.
As he dried himself up his mind drifted.
Rory hadn't stayed over long on Friday - but enough to comment on his new place being nice and also how it looked like he had a lot of unpacking to do, rather approvingly which had made him smile yet again, as if feeling he needed to keep proving himself to Rory about his intentions. Honestly, he didn't see anything wrong in trying to prove himself to her. Because that was his main goal.
He had not only planned to grab the bull by its horns and try to find himself things to do in Boston - like open water swimming by the Wim Hof method, the goal being to do it through the winter, shifting things around by running the Emerald Necklace every once in a while and setting himself up with some classes on preschooler parenting. One couldn't know too much, even if he didn't yet see exact deficits in his skills and knowledge, Em being generally a pretty easy kid to be around.
Unpacking and having lunch, needing to decide what to get, was just what was on his immediate agenda that morning.
Feeling like he was eager to get his life going, feeling already well energized and eager for a warm shower back home, he ordered himself a poke bowl and drove home, expecting it to arrive just around the same time as he would.
Logan spent a good chunk of his day complaining internally how to moving company had packed not just his essentials but a lot of things he didn't really need - art, antiques and even things like photo albums, including one from his wedding. He didn't want to look at it, the removal of the ring having been already a little traumatic and he had no intention of embracing the pain quite as much. But as he was putting the album away, simply accepting it as having a piece of his past on his book shelf, which was perhaps the healthy way to look at it, one item slipped from between its covers, landing face down on the floor.
"What the..," Logan began, crouched down and turned over the picture.
It was the image from Rory's first ultrasound, the bottom stating just L. Gilmore and a date from December 2016. It was then it hit him - that was how Odette must've found out. The last he'd seen the image, it had been in one of his desk drawers, the ones he generally kept locked with personal documents. But it was not like Odette had never had access to it, she'd known where he'd kept the key and it could've been for some practical reason like looking for his paasport or the will of the house, not just snooping, that she could've found it. It really had been perhaps a little careless of him to leave it there, but it was before he'd set up rules for himself to be careful about the whole thing.
Instead of hiding the image, however, he set the picture upright on the edge of the shelf, realizing he hoped to see a lot more of Em in his home.
This made him flip through the dozen pictures he had of her on his phone and look up the older pictures Rory had sent him, and sending them to be printed out so he could do that. After he'd done that, he ended up rereading a lot of the e-mails she'd sent too.
There was one from when Em was one, including a picture of the girl sitting in her stroller with a balloon and a plush toy.
"Dear Logan,
She's one years old today. She's walking, playing and laughing a lot. Most people say she looks like me, but when she laughs there's definitely you too in there.
Her favorite toy is the elephant that you can see in the picture with her. We just had a picnic in the park to celebrate her birthday and she's napping now. Strangely enough, she is not a big fan of cake yet. Not as much as me blowing bubbles all around her at least.
R."
Not all the e-mails had been that brief, not all of them were terribly packed with information either, almost letting Logan believe that the first ones had been like that because of Rory's own cautiousness. And he couldn't really blame her. But as he now knew how him not responding to them had hurt her, he found himself wanting to respond to it now.
Was that dwelling on the past or doing something long overdue?
"She looks so big! She definitely has your eyes. That hair though - wow," Logan typed, referring to the thick chin-length bob that had been clipped up by a pink bow clip. "Does the elephant have a name?"
Thinking back, Logan knew he would've probably made some comment about the cake-eating, referring to the Gilmore ways, but knowing things were less than ideal between Rory and her mother, he wasn't going to touch the topic now. Instead typed - "She certainly seems to have an appetite for cake now - all is right in the world," jokingly.
Logan didn't reply to every e-mail that same day, knowing he was due to meet Em and take her for a movie soon. But with a lightness - to see what happened - he pushed 'Send' only then beginning to worry whether or not Rory would see it as something innocent.
The theater was in walking distance so feeling once again satisfied with his choice of living, less than 5 minutes from where they lived, he decided to make his way over by foot with some time to spare not wanting to be in a rush.
It was becoming an unwritten rule, that on most weeks he saw Em twice a week - once during the weekend and usually Wednesdays after practice when they went for a meal together. He was quite happy with it, even though the kind of wished to see her even more. But he knew that he didn't want to steal time away from Rory either - that was not what he wanted to do, feeling like he was still on her good graces considering he had no legal right to the kid. He knew there were ways of getting them, he'd looked it up, but he didn't want to push it.
"Em! Logan's here," Rory called out just as she was opening the door for him. "Hey," she replied to him.
"Hey," Logan replied, wondering whether she'd checked her e-mail and if she had what she was thinking.
"Come on in, she'll be just a minute…. She went to the bathroom," Rory invited him in.
Logan stood there a little awkwardly, his hands in his pockets.
"The e-mail was cute," Rory replied, leaning against the doorframe herself.
"I was thinking of having some pictures printed of her so, so I looked them up. I just felt like - why not," Logan said. "I hope that's okay?" he said.
"Yes, it's fine," Rory replied, definitely still being a little cautious. Getting the simple, yet unexpected message, had definitely made her smile a little, warming her heart.
"So, what did you do yesterday? Anything fun?" Logan asked casually.
"Actually, we just went to see Francine… it was dad's birthday, you see," Rory said.
"Oh? Is he around?" Logan said, thinking he ought to wish him well in that case.
"He's out," Rory replied, shaking her head. "Em? Do you need help?" Rory called up.
"No!" Em replied. "I just have to change my shirt, I got it wet," the little girl called back.
"Take the red one, it's warmer! Hurry up!" Rory instructed the girl loudly. "She sometimes gets chilly in the movies," Rory explained to Logan.
"Ah, right," Logan reflected, treating every new bit of information as if something he might need some day. "Um… did you tell Francine about me?"
"I didn't… I was ready for it in case Em spilled it. But it wasn't because I didn't want to or anything like that," Rory explained, adding the explanation quickly, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.
"I guess you'd want to tell your mom and grandmother first, right?" Logan guessed, despite feeling a little discouraged.
"Exactly," Rory said, sounding relieved that he got it. "She's not exactly the one known to keep things to herself. She would've been on the phone to my grandma in minutes," Rory explained.
"Hm-hm," Logan replied. "I'm yet to tell my dad too..," he admitted. He didn't particularly like going over there in the first place and while he expected his reaction to be several degrees milder than her mother's ever would've been, he was still apprehensive. There were no repercussions to worry about as such, just a reaction. Besides, he was pretty sure Mitchum had known there was something going on between him and Rory anyway. He didn't want to hear lectures on 'I knew it' or 'I've told you a thousand times to be careful' - and he also knew that his father was not going to appreciate him taking a permanent step back from the company. So he douted it would be a pleasant conversation, one that would be easily steered away from the most important thing in his life right now compared to all the things he wanted to get rid of.
"We should probably coordinate that, so everyone knows at once," Rory suggested.
"You were thinking Thanksgiving, right?" Logan asked, recalling her mention it from before.
"Yeah," Rory replied.
Logan nodded, agreeing. It did seem like a good deadline. Not too far but far enough.
"Em, what's the hold up?" Rory called out, and before getting and answer added, "I better go check," leaving Logan downstairs alone.
Rory returned a couple of minutes later, Em, not looking too eager, in tow.
"Why the sour face?" Logan asked, hoping to cheer the girl up.
"Wardrobe drama," Rory commented with a slight roll of her eyes to Logan.
"I wanted to wear my princess shirt," Em said, with a slight pout, having been unable to locate the said shirt.
"I'm sure you can wear it next time," Logan suggested, hopefully.
"Come on, let's get you dressed. Or you'll be late for the movie," Rory suggested. "What movie was it you were seeing?" she asked, looking up to Logan as she was getting Em's coat on her, trying to distract the girl a little.
"Something, something… crocodile," Logan didn't quite recall.
"What are you going to do?" Em asked her mother.
"I was just thinking about tidying up a little, maybe read..," Rory replied. Logan actually recalled how sometimes she enjoyed these little private moments - doing the laundry just the way she liked it, or cleaning her drawers - it being a method of gathering herself to her. Though of course these days, he assumed the housekeeper mostly took care of things like that.
"Come see the movie with us!" Em requested from her mother. "Can she?" Em turned to Logan.
Logan was trying not to smile too much - liking the prospect perhaps a little too much. He certainly wanted to spend time with both of them, and it almost felt like Em was on his side, if one could think of it as sides.
"I don't know…," Rory chimed, glancing back and forth between the two.
"It's fine by me if you can swing it," Logan saime, smiling modestly.
"I'd have to go change," Rory suggested, currently being just in her leggings and t-shirt mode, Logan had been seeing on her quite a bit. She still looked good in almost anything.
"Hurry up then!" Em said, causing the two adults to chuckle, and with Rory's initial hesitation fading.
