[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

TOM: Well, you still think shoulder pads are in vogue!

CROW: Yeah, well you-

JOEL: Enough!

*CHAPTER FOUR*

TOM: Audience still 0!

THE 'BIG BANG' THEORY

JOEL: ...states that the world was created when the comic book guy from Simpsons ate one too many burritos.

Shaking her head, Ami slowly sat up.

TOM: (as Ami) Yaggedity, yaggedity, yaggedity.

Her jaw would be a little sore for a few days, but

otherwise she was fine. More importantly, she was needed.

TOM: Ami, Gotham city needs you!

CROW: ...for medical experiments.

She quickly transformed and started running to the park.

JOEL: Along the way, though, she had a minor run-in with a semi.

Reenie was running.

TOM: She had to burn off some of that pink sugar.

CROW: Run, Reenie, run!

She had been scared before, but the voice she had

heard was so familiar, and yet had so much malevolence in it's threats.

CROW: Ahh, Revenge of the Babysitter.

TOM: (as evil voice) Now you'll never wet the bed again...

A form dropped out of the tree in front of her.

CROW: And she was forced to fill it out in triplicate.

The youma quickly

manoeuvred itself around her so that she was backed up against the tree.

CROW: And then it forced itself on her.

JOEL: Ugh! Crow!

CROW: Yecch! I grossed myself out with that image.

It reached down and grabbed her around the throat growling "Stop screaming

you pest! You'll alert the Sailor Louts!"

"It's too late for that Negatrash!"

JOEL: Oh, it's started.

TOM: What has?

JOEL: The putdowns, the insults...

The youma spun to face it's new opponents. "On behalf of the

Moon Kingdom, we will punish you!

[Joel and the Bots sweatdrop]

TOM: Is it just me or did the youma just say…

CROW: Oh, I've waited for this day, when Serena gets punished in the name of the moon.

TOM: Fanboy.

Now let go of that child and try fighting someone your size, coward!"

CROW: (as youma) Bite me.

JOEL: Hey, that speech is below regulation length! Add another twenty lines!

Sailor Moon

yelled. Meanwhile, Reenie was starting to gasp for air and was turning

rather pale.

[J&tBs eat popcorn contentedly]

"Never! I only need the little Rabbit- stay out of this and you might

live." the youma hissed through clenched teeth. Something felt wrong.

CROW: It felt a waft of... something coming from Reenie...

Turning around too late, it could only gasp and let go as a searing,

knife-like pain shot through it's arm.

CROW: Ah! A tetanus shot.

"That'll teach you to mess with fire!" Sailor Mars yelled.

ALL: *groan*

JOEL: Can someone please go shoot Sandra's gag writer?

As Reenie scuttled quickly out of the way she saw Sailor Mercury come

running up. Pulling out her mini-computer and activating her visor,

Mercury started to analyse the youma.

TOM: (as Sailor Mercury) Oh my God! According to this it's... a palm tree!

CROW: (as Freud) Now, ven did you first feel zis hostile urge towards zuper-deformed characterz?

"Yeaaaaaaaah!"

ALL: Nooooooooo!

the echidna-like monster launched a flurry of razor-sharp spines.

TOM: Followed by a vicious volley of floating ribs!

JOEL: Oh, wonderful. A youma with no backbone of its own.

The Scouts ducked every which way, but some spines still

lodged themselves in Jupiter's and Serena's bodies.

[J&tBs continue eating popcorn]

CROW: This is sorta fun, actually...

JOEL: Action sequences guest-written by Nav.

Collapsing to the

ground, Sailor Moon gasped as a burning pain seared through her chest.

CROW: (as Serena) MOON…SPIRAL…HEART…ATTA…Gack…

"That's it! You've gone too far!

JOEL: Sandra's certainly got Serena's wonderfully original and captivating speeches right.

In the name of the moon... aaaaaah!

TOM: Whoops. Sinkhole.

CROW: Now there's a speech that's certain to induce fear into the hearts of her enemies.

She yelled as more spines shot towards her. Just then, roses and a

flash of light came flying through the air and shattered the spines.

"Tuxedo Mask! You came to help us! But...

CROW: (as Sailor Moon) ...why are you throwing those at me?

the light?" Serena stammered.

TOM: (Serena) What light through yonder window breaks?

Gathering her courage, she launched her attack: "Moon...Scepter...

Elimination!"

"Noooooooo!" the youma yelled. Then, it collapsed in a heap.

JOEL: A compost heap?

Before any of them had had a chance to react, they saw Selina jumping

down from a tree and scooping up Reenie as she ran.

TOM: (as Selina) Uh, I'll have a scoop of chocolate, a scoop of vanilla, and a scoop of Reenie.

Unthinking

CROW: That is, in their natural state.

everyone

followed. Moments later, there was an explosion that rocked the ground.

Distracted, the Scouts and Tuxedo Mask looked back to see a crater where

the youma had been before. Looking for Reenie, they saw

TOM: ...a crater where she had been before.

CROW: And there was much rejoicing.

JOEL & TOM: (weakly) Yeah.

her just as she vanished, held by Selina, through

JOEL: ...a plot hole?

a portal.

JOEL: Close enough.

"She got Reenie after all! I thought I could get here in time!" Tuxedo

Mask berated himself.

CROW: Yeah, he already threw his roses. After that, he's pretty useless.

JOEL: But he didn't make a speech. That could have made the difference.

As Sailor Moon watched silently, the Scouts tried to

reassure him that there was no way he could have done more.

Serena stood thinking for a few minutes, considering her impressions

TOM: There was her Groucho Marx, her Richard Nixon, and her Bill Clinton.

of the events that had taken place. It took her a while, but she came to a

conclusion - a few actually.

CROW (Serena): E= M...no, wait. E= MC...um, no. E=...

Then she noticed the silence. "What? You

guys never seen me think before?" she asked in a slightly peeved tone.

ALL: (as others) Well...no.

"No, that's not it." Ami hastened to reassure her.

CROW: (Ami) We were just mentally undressing you...no, wait, that's not what I meant to say...

"It's just that you looked so serious."

"Well, I don't have time for more chit-chat." Darien snapped. "I'm going

to look for Reenie."

JOEL: (as Darien) ...and treat her to a long, painful death.

"Darien." he braced himself for an onslaught of tears and pleas.

CROW: (Serena) I want you to know that I've decided to dump you for Raye. She does things for me that you never could...

Turning, he saw the other Scouts were doing the same.

ALL: (singing) For every season, turn, turn, turn...there is a reason, turn, turn, turn...

Serena looked at him for a

few seconds, and started to open her mouth to say something.

CROW: (Serena) I'm having an affair, Darien!

TOM: (Darien) Oh? With whom?

CROW (Serena): Anyone who wants to. Right now, it's...mmmmph!

[Joel closes his beak.]

JOEL: No details, please.

Changing her mind, she held his gaze a few seconds more, and then

JOEL: ...socked him in the jaw.

turned and walked away, every inch a Princess of the Moon.

TOM: ...except for a small spot by her left shoulder blade.

Darien stared. He couldn't help but feel a little hurt,

JOEL: (Darien) How dare she dump me? I'm supposed to dump her!

but he was also

surprised that she had found the backbone to do that without any prodding.

TOM: Why? There's tons of backbones lying around after that fight.

The Scouts stared at him in bewilderment -

CROW: ...because he was wearing a frilly pink tutu.

did he know why she had

walked away? While he hated to admit it, he knew exactly why - he was

being a jerk. But there was nothing else to do, in order to save the

love of his life, he had to shatter her dreams and break her heart.

JOEL: In other words, marry her?

Seeing his stony-faced look, the Scouts backed away somewhat.

TOM: ...and fell right over the edge of a towering cliff. The end.

"Let's go!" Raye said, "We have to find Reenie soon. Otherwise,

JOEL: (as Raye) The brat will come back and haunt us for all eternity!

CROW: (singing) The brat came back the very next daaaaay!

who knows what may happen!"

CROW: (Raye) Whatever it is, I want in on the action!

At that, the Scouts and Tuxedo Mask separated and went looking.

TOM: For new partners.

CROW: Wait, Tuxedo Mask was married to all the Scouts? Certainly explains a lot.

Ami spoke up as they left the park "I think I may be able to figure out

where they went. I was able to scan the portal, and I was capable of

ascertaining that the portal does not, in actuality

TOM: I am finding myself cogitating that this excerpt is eminently attenuated and monotonous and that it should be liquidated forthwith.

CROW: You can say that again.

TOM: Ummm...no thanks.

traverse the

chronometric barrier, but is instead confined within the boundaries of

our own time.

CROW: (as other scout) Oh, great! That means all we've got to do is search the whole planet for her...damn!

So, given a few minutes, I should be able to determine

the relative location of the exit of the portal."

JOEL: (Ami) Would someone please kill me before I become an android?

"Go for it! The sooner we can locate Reenie, the sooner we can rescue

her." Mina interjected.

CROW: Actually, I think Selina's going to be the one that needs rescuing from Reenie.

"But what about Serena?" Lita asked.

"I have a feeling that we will find the two of them together.

JOEL: Uh, then why don't you just follow Serena? She's still in sight.

Why don't we run those calculations at the Temple? Then I can take a fire

reading too." Raye replied.

TOM: Science and Mythology, working hand in hand!

Reverting to their street clothes, the Scouts started running to the

Cherry Hill Temple.

CROW: (as bystanders) Ay caramba! We've been streaked!

Trying to look casual, Serena walked into the shop.

CROW: (as Eddie Murphy) Hey, is this the illegal chop shop?

She quickly spotted Selina, but couldn't find Reenie. "Alright," she

said, looking very determined and even regal despite the bunnies on

her shirt. "Where have you put her?"

CROW: (Selina) In the taxidermy collection!

"She is safe, for now. But unless you start trusting me, she's going to

get hurt." Selina replied, looking tired.

TOM: (Selina) I swear, putting up with interfering busybody superheroes is so draining!

"I don't take kindly to threats anymore." Serena warned, looking moments

away from an explosion.

CROW: Shouldn't have eaten that chili then...

"Now, what was the deal in the park?

CROW: One-eyed jacks and suicidal kings wild? What were you thinking?

First you unleash a youma, and then you help save me. Then the youma is

booby-trapped, but

JOEL: (Serena) Couldn't you do better than putting a carrot in a noose?

you take Reenie in such a way that you keep us from getting hurt.

What's going on here?" she demanded to know.

CROW: (Serena) You're the self-insertion character! You're supposed to have all the answers!

"Let me explain Princess." Selina said in a soothing voice.

JOEL: (Selina) You are sleepy...sleepy...your eyes are feeling heavy...

Just then, images began to enter Serena's mind.

"The fire will show us where Serena is." Raye explained.

TOM: (Raye) But only if we inject this into our veins first!

"It will also show us any danger, and who this woman is."

JOEL: (a la Paid Program Show Host) Hey, who wants to see this baby make lemonade while it predicts the future?

BOTS: (as Studio Audience) OOOO!

Slowly, images began to form in the fire. The Scouts sat transfixed,

CROW: It's sucking their brains out. Just like TV.

watching for a while before the images began to fade.

"So what now?

JOEL: (as Mina) Beats me. Anything else on the fire? Change the channel.

Do we play along with this woman and see where it goes?"

Lita suggested "Or do we call her bluff?"

TOM: (as Lita) I mean, we have a pair of twos! That's a good hand, isn't it?

"Considering the fact that she could simply snatch Reenie any time, and

then disappear into the future, I think

JOEL: (Ami) Why not just let her do it?

we should endeavour to ascertain her true motives before attempting to

form a theory. Namely, I think we should wait." Ami contributed.

CROW: Planet Raman to Sandra, quit the Data/Ami crossover.

JOEL: Getting a little obscure there, Crow.

CROW: Can't help it. This fic calls for it.

"Agreed." Mina added "But we should keep a close eye on her and Reenie

from now on. We could do so especially at the gala.

TOM: Wow, convenient timing for that thar gala, huh?

It would let us blend in, be inconspicuous and, would let us keep an eye

on everyone." Pausing a moment, she added hesitantly

JOEL: (Mina) Then again, I could be wrong.

"We might also want to keep an eye on Serena. She's been acting

differently of late,

TOM: Yeah, no crying, no stuffing her face…

and with the images Selina had in her mind, she might just try

brainwashing her."

CROW: Hey! Don't brainwash Selina. Then she'll be like the rest of you!

ALL: Urgh.

Images were flooding Serena's mind.

CROW: (as images) 'Scuse me, pardon me, coming through...

Explosions, cities crumbling to dust,

friends dying, and a long, long battle were in the forefront.

TOM: ...and a persistent image of burnt toast was in the background.

#You see Princess, this is where I came from.

JOEL: Chicago?

This is the future as of right now.

TOM: (voice) And it's all your fault!

I have come to ensure a continuance of my future. You and the Scouts are

a danger to this at the moment,

TOM: Called it.

and unless I can do something to correct that, my world will be destroyed.

I needed to get to you somehow, so I used the Rabbit as bait,

TOM: What is this, fishing for the Sailor Scouts?

in effect, to get your attention.

JOEL: (voice) ...but if you help me, you'll get what's left of her back!

That, and she is essential to my plan.# Selina's voice echoed in her mind.

CROW: Insert blatantly obvious joke of your choice here...

#There are certain things I have to do,

CROW: (voice) Like my laundry.

but I may need help. It will not stop this

world from developing the way it already has, nothing will change, except

CROW: The color of the sky. But you'll hardly notice that.

TOM: Sandra certainly won't.

the world in the future will return to what it was. I promise this to you

- I am only returning the sequence of events to what it was originally.#

CROW: (voice) Except for the bits I don't like, that is.

Serena thought to the woman in her mind, #But, how can we trust you? We

don't know you.#

TOM: (voice) D'oh! Knew I forgot something...

The voice replied, #True, but Reenie did, and she has only good memories

of me.# she said while showing images of herself and Reenie.

CROW: Doing... [thinks for a second] No, wait...I don't need that image...doing the laundry, that's what I was gonna say.

JOEL: Good Crow.

TOM: (dreamily) Reenie on a stick, Reenie in a cooking pot, Reenie wrapped in bacon…

#Will you help me?#

Serena considered, and found her resistance weakening rapidly.

TOM: How unusual.

In almost

a stupor, she could hear her voice as if it were someone else - which, she

realized it almost was. She answered slowly, and hesitated before saying

with her other voice, #My court and I will assist. What must we do?#

TOM: Find O.J. guilty as charged!

Aloud Selina answered, "The key to all this is at the gala - you all must

come. Without all of you, the plan will fail."

JOEL: And we all know what that would mean...

BOTS: Sequel?

JOEL: Exactly.

Turning away she added: "Thank you."

ALL: (as Apu) Come again!

Again her other voice answered for her. "It is a pleasure to assist

one so noble. Contact me if there is anything else to do."

CROW: Remember, you can reach me at 1-800-PLTHOLE.

In response, Selina smiled.

END OF CHAPTER FOUR

*CHAPTER FIVE*

TOM: In a limited series of fifty million.

*****PREPARATIONS*****

CROW: Better make preparations for the snowblower.

Running along the street, the Scouts

JOEL: Discovered the city had removed all the manhole covers.

looked for Serena and Reenie. They finally spotted her,

CROW: With their Bingo Markers of Death.

with Reenie, not too far from her house. "Where have you _been_

Serena?" Raye scolded.

"She found Reenie!" Lita and Ami chorused.

ALL: (singing/chanting) We speak. In synch. We talk. Together. They think. We're weird. We all. Agree.

Serena looked up vaguely. "Oh. You found us." she said in a monotone

voice.

TOM: (Serena, monotone) I guess I am it.

"I found Reenie at the shop. And," she said somewhat more

animatedly, "I think we should go to the gala after all. It will give us

the perfect opportunity to keep an eye on everyone!"

CROW: (Serena) Now, who brought that bag of eyes?

"You know what?

TOM: (as Larry): Why, I oughta…

CROW: (as Moe) You oughta what?

TOM: (Larry) I oughta be a little more careful.

I think she may finally have come up with an idea on her

own for once! It needs work, but it's not too bad." Raye said in mock

surprise.

JOEL: (Serena) Raaaaayyyyye! You're MEEEAAAAAAANNNN!

"I think you should concern yourself less with new ways of insulting

people, and actually do something constructive for once, Raye." Serena

replied in a haughty voice.

CROW: Hey, was that a crack at us?

JOEL: Nope. But it sure sounded like my mother.

"Now, If you will excuse us, I have things I need to do."

CROW: Like beating the author of "Sailor Moon: Fantasy" senseless.

"Serena, do you think Reenie could come over to play at my house?" Mina

asked. "I've been

TOM: Considering having Artemis fixed and hoping she could help.

JOEL: ...

hoping to have her over for a while, and if you're going to be busy..."

she trailed off.

Seeing Reenie's hopeful face, Serena acquiesced

TOM: I don't think Serena even knows the meaning of that word.

"Very well, she may go with

you. On the condition that she be returned in time for supper. I will be

preparing her favourite dish and I do not wish it to be spoiled."

JOEL: It's her favorite kind of china.

Jaws hit the pavement

JOEL: ...and splattered onto it messily.

TOM: Just when you thought it was safe to walk down the block...

ALL: (hum Jaws theme)

as she bade them farewell and strode towards home.

"Reenie, how long has she been acting like this?" Mina asked.

TOM: (as Reenie) Ever since she was replaced by a zombie from Alpha Centauri a few hours ago; why?

Cooking was not exactly one of Serena's fortes.

JOEL: Just like writing isn't Dr. Thinker's forte?

However, she felt she had been able to make a passable chicken curry.

CROW: Your digestive system will let you know if it's passable or not.

Thoughts of the time when

Reenie's class was having a curry dinner prompted her to put the chicken in

the warmer while she spent some time in her room.

CROW: Unfortunately, she used gasoline instead of water...

Climbing the stairs, Serena

heard her parents come in. "What smells so good?" her father wondered,

JOEL: (as father) Mmmm! Sulphur...

TOM: (father) Call 911. Someone in this house has made FOOD!

"And who made it?" Serena smiled and continued her ascent.

TOM: Is she going to heaven?

CROW: Somehow, I doubt it...maybe that should read "descent".

"So Reenie, what happened after Selina found you?" Mina asked over a game

of chess.

TOM: As she levitated above the board.

Reenie had been telling her what had happened at the park.

"Well, she took me through the gate to her shop. I was kinda tired, so I

curled up and went to sleep. Then that Serena came and woke me up.

JOEL: "That" Serena? Please don't say there's more than one…

That's all."

JOEL: (Reenie) Except for me and 'Lina plotting to destroy you all, anyway.

Reenie finished her account.

TOM: (Reenie) ...and in conclusion, the real culprits were Alvin and the Chipmunks!

"I don't see why you were worried; I was with 'Lina after all."

CROW: (Reenie) I was certainly safer than I'd be with you.

"I know sweetie, it's just that we like to know where you are so we can

help you if need be."

TOM: (Mina) So hold on while I get a leash.

"I don't need you guys, the Sailor Scouts look after me. What did you guys

do?"

CROW: (Reenie) I swear, you guys are so useless!

Mina hid a smile; it was good that Reenie hadn't figured out who they

really were. "Oh," she said out loud, "Not much. We did a little shopping,

and then we were looking for you.

TOM: (Mina) Oh, and then we saw Elvis, did I mention that?

It's a good thing the Scouts know how to find you." she deadpanned.

Images flashed through Serena's mind.

JOEL: She had been watching too much Sesame Street.

Her, Reenie and Darien walking along together. Several scenes where she

had hit Darien on the head.

TOM: And everyone knows that's the best possible way to start a successful relationship!

CROW: Darien with brain damage...

TOM: How could you tell?

Discovering

that Darien was Tuxedo Mask. Deciding to transform in front of him to save

their lives.

JOEL: ...passing out on the floor drunk after their first date…

Going out for an ice-cream sandwich Dancing to the music of the

Moon Kingdom at one of the famous galas there.

TOM: Those last two aren't related, are they?

Blue eyes suddenly turning cold while he was brainwashed by Beryl.

Healing him, only to have him taken away again.

JOEL: For those of you who missed the entire North American run of Sailor Moon.

At this memory, two tears fell unnoticed onto a piece of

parchment on her desk. Becoming the Moon Princess while huddling over his

prone form. His rescuing her from the Doom Tree when he had lost his

memories. The locket that played beautiful music for them.

CROW: *snicker*

Eyes turning icy once more. One more, tears fell unnoticed, until she got

up and flung herself

TOM: ...out a window.

on her bed sobbing.

Luna walked in just then.

JOEL: Nice timing.

Seeing Serena, she crept silently to the parchment and began reading.

JOEL: "Dear Genma Saotome, I have decided to accept your request to become your son's fiancée..."

TOM: "Dear David Kintobor, I write to thank you for the gift of the fox costume. However, couldn't you have found something better than a set of ears and a furry bikini?"

Making a decision, she snatched it up and ran out of the house.

TOM: (deadpan) Cat burglar.

CROW: (as Luna) I can leak this to the papers and make millions off it!

"So Mina, did you think Serena's eyes were a little odd when she came to

the door?" Lita asked as they were walking home from having dropped Reenie

JOEL: ...into a snake-filled pit.

TOM: Watch out for snakes!

off at

her house. "And if she made that chicken curry, I'm the Queen of England!

CROW: I take it Lita is not amused.

There's _no way_ that _Serena_ of all people could have spiced a chicken

that well - and then not burned it!"

"Yes, it did smell good.

JOEL: (Mina) I mean, sure, it was fluorescent green but...

TOM: (Mina) ...and let's just ignore the taste...

And it _did_ look like she'd been crying. I wonder what's up?" Mina

answered. Then she added "You don't think that Selina could have...?"

TOM: Could have what? Danced the macarena at her?

CROW: Driven her nuts by reading the entirety of Asimov's library to her?

JOEL: Made her watch thirty straight hours of "the very worst of Hacksaw Jim Duggan"?

she let the ending hang.

CROW: The ending cruelly choked its life out at the end of a rope.

"Brainwashed her? Maybe. More likely though, replaced her with someone;

no-way she's on the level though." Lita responded thoughtfully.

CROW: That means she's on the level, right Joel?

JOEL: Probably, yeah.

Quietly, she

said "I think we'd better call an emergency meeting - Darien included.

Only, I don't think we should invite Serena."

CROW: (Lita) Same game plan as before. Just us and Darien. Nudge nudge, wink wink?

JOEL: Crow…

"Agreed. I'll go to the Temple and tell Raye - you find Ami and Darien -

and we'll meet at the cafe."

CROW: Which cafe? Uncle Porkchop's International Hogfat Roastery?

Leaving with a troubled expression on her face, she

turned and added, "We might be a little later, I'm going to try another

reading."

CROW: Of "War and Peace"?

"Alright, see you then. And, 'J'quond' will you?" Lita replied as she too

left. The ancient saying from her planet would be roughly translated as

JOEL: Pseudo-Klingonese gibberish.

'watch your back', but it went even deeper than that.

JOEL: Watch your intestines?

CROW: Watch your vertebrae?

TOM: Watch your sternum?

For a planet that had

produced some of the finest warriors to protect the Families, it knew very

well the meaning of betrayal.

CROW: Ah, an allusion to a deep, dark secret from the Silver Millenium?

TOM: So, do you think it'll prove to be important?

ALL: Naaah!

Darien looked up from his repair work and sighed as he heard the doorbell

chime.

TOM: (Darien) I can't believe I dropped the Silver Crystal. Where's that crazy glue?

Putting down his tool belt, he rose and answered it. As he opened the

door cautiously, his eyes landed on Luna almost immediately.

CROW: Score!

JOEL: CROW!

"Come in, I suppose. What did you bring?

TOM: (Darien) A dead mouse? How thoughtful, Luna.

I hope it isn't a message from Serena." he said

after he'd ushered her in.

Luna dropped the parchment at his feet.

CROW: And kicked his eyes back over to him.

"No, it isn't. At least, not directly; she never meant for you to see it.

CROW: (Luna) You wouldn't believe how many pairs of dirty socks I had to dig through to get to it!

It was just a way of getting something off her chest.

CROW: (Luna) Namely me! It's just a blank piece of paper that she tried to fool me into giving to you! But I saw through that trick...

But, I think you should read it anyway."

JOEL: (Luna) ...and then we can both laugh at Serena's insecurities.

TOM: (Luna) Assuming you can read of course.

The tone of her voice compelled him to pick it up.

TOM: (Luna) You will pick up the parchment...You will pick up the parchment...

Even so, he paused before

reading it. But if Luna thought it important enough to go behind Serena's

back... he looked down and began to read.

JOEL: (Darien) "They're all gonna pay...They're all gonna pay...They're all gonna..."

TOM (Darien): "Dear Tuxedo Chris, I would love to marry you…"

On his way to the new cafe, Darien ran into Lita and Ami.

CROW: *SCREEEEEECHHH* *THUD*

TOM: That'll teach them to jaywalk.

He had been hoping to think over what he had read while eating a decent

meal.

JOEL: As opposed to eating at McDonald's.

He sighed inwardly

as they ran up to him. "Hey, Darien!" Lita called, "Wait for us, we've

been looking for you!"

JOEL: (Lita) How d'you feel about the idea of two-timing Serena?

CROW: Joel, you're coming around...

JOEL: [shrugs] If you can't beat 'em...

Lowering her voice she added, "We're having an emergency

meeting, and we think you should be there."

"I'm on my way to the new cafe.

TOM: The Nightmare Cafe.

CROW: Which lasted all of six episodes before being cancelled.

I don't think you guys need my help. After all, with five heads, you

should be able to figure a lot of things out."

TOM: (Darien) Even if they're not particularly useful ones, as heads go.

Darien said as he started to brush past them. "Your idea to try to patch

things up won't work."

"That's not it! We're having a meeting _without_ Serena and that's why we

need your help."

JOEL: (Ami) With her out of the picture, we need someone to think for us!

TOM: (Ami) ...and Forrest Gump was unavailable!

Ami cut in as she seized his arm to prevent his departure.

CROW: (Ami) Hey…I didn't know this thing was detachable!

"We're meeting at the cafe anyway, so why don't you at least listen?"

TOM: (Darien) What, you expect me to think while eating?

"Alright, I'll listen."

CROW: (Darien) When I'm not molesting the waitress at least.

"So you see why we need you Darien?" Raye finished.

CROW: (Raye) Since you're the only fertile guy we know...

JOEL: Crow!

"Something's wrong with her, and we need to find out what. So if you know

anything that could help us..."

TOM: (Raye) Sayyyyyyy, a boot to the head?

"There is one thing, Luna brought it to me just before I came here.

TOM: (Raye) The bloody remains of Serena's head?

I don't

know if it will help, but here it is." With that, he took out the

parchment.

JOEL: Parchment? Doesn't Sandra mean "paper"? Who uses parchment anymore?

Averting his eyes, he handed it silently over to Raye.

TOM: (Darien) Here. You hold it.

JOEL: (Raye) "I Serena Tsukino do hereby proclaim that..." Hey, wait, this is her last will and testament! And look, she's left everything to Luna...

She read it silently, then when finished, commented: "I don't think Serena

could have written it herself.

CROW: (Raye) There're only three typos and only one major grammatical error.

There must be some kind of influence; the fire

said as much. Maybe I should read it to all of you." Taking a deep breath,

she began to read.

"Forgiveness

I would forgive you, if I could.

CROW: Sam I am, Green Eggs and Ham.

Every night I wish

That I had the power

TOM: ...of Grayskull!

to mend

This heart broke in two.

To undo the betrayal

That I feel so deeply.

JOEL: ...and truly and madly...

I want so dearly to know,

How I can possibly forgive

When the pain is still here?

CROW: Aspirin tends to help.

We were soul-mates.

Linked by friendship,

Trust,

Love.

TOM: Boredom.

CROW: Nausea.

JOEL: Disgust.

TOM: And the occasional flying shoe.

And then, you tore us apart,

By actions

JOEL: They were broken up by a crappy game of charades?

That I don't even know about.

That I don't understand.

CROW: (Serena) But then again there are so few things that I do understand!

To forgive, one must let go.

But for me to let go,

Would mean letting go of

My memories,

My love,

JOEL: My breakfast...

TOM: Just not here, please.

My missing half.

CROW: Your better...no, worse...well, equally irritating half?

If I only knew why,

Then I might know how

To cleanse my soul of this pain.

TOM: Have you tried Windex?

And then,

To forgive."

Unseeing, Darien stared out the window.

JOEL: And so missed the meaning of life.

Who knew Serena well enough to write

this? Who knew the reason they were apart? And why was everyone so

quiet?

TOM: And what was that red stuff slowly pooling on the table?

JOEL: Tom, that was dark.

TOM: Why, thank you!

Risking a look, he saw the girls all had tears in their eyes;

CROW: That's what they get for eating raw onions.

TOM: AHHH! Their eyes are all torn! The Senshi are blind! AHHH! Oh, the horror, the horror!

all of a sudden,

he had to fight an urge to tell them all about it. Instead, he stood up,

thew some money down for his food and strode out of the restaurant.

Sitting on his bike he thought:

CROW: (Darien) Mmmm...Beer tastes good.

'Even if you could forgive me Serena, I don't

think I could.'. A few drops of water landed on his helmet before he put it

on - but it wasn't raining.

CROW: Darn cheap eaves-troughing.

Once the storm of tears had abated, Serena sat and thought.

CROW: I won't bother. It's just too easy.

The name 'Jinal' meant something to her- but what?

CROW: Maybe he looked like Lita's old boyfriend?

A story she had been told once came to mind.

TOM: About a golden-haired girl and three bowls of porridge.

It was about the sewing together the past, present and future to

preserve them all from disaster.

JOEL: Oh, please feel free to not fill us in on this story, Sandra.

Was that the key? She'd learn soon enough; and when she did, she would

learn who the voice that had taken over was.

JOEL: Magic Voice, did you have something to do with that?

MAGIC VOICE: What? Lil' ol me?

CROW: She did, didn't she?

And she'd hopefully learn what this was all about.

CROW: ...and she'd learn all about the birds and the bees!

But one thing she knew: before

this was over, her life would be forfeit because of Selina.

TOM: Foreshadowing, your guide to quality literature.

JOEL: Wait...her life would be forfeit.?

ALL: Whoohoo! Go Selina! Whoohoo!

END OF CHAPTER FIVE

TOM: And we're still alive!

JOEL: Let's move out, guys.

[Make to head to the exit]

Author's Notes and Thanks:

JOEL: Then again…

[They sit back down with a sigh]

I figure I had better get this in before the story, and before I have

angry mobs hunting me down.

CROW: Does that mean Sandra knows her work is-

JOEL: Crow, be nice.

I have spent a few long hours over this chapter with my cookies and milk,

agonizing over whether I should do this or not.

TOM: Well, since you haven't figured it out, we'll catch up with you in part 3.

JOEL: Good call. Let's scram.

[JOEL picks up Tom, and the three leave the theater]