AN: Huh, it has been such a bad week. And I just have had one problem after another stopping me from getting into the zone of writing. Thankfully the weekend is on its way!
Chapter 27
October 22nd, 2022, Salem, MA
"You seriously went swimming this morning?" Rory asked, as Logan drove his new BMW X4 sports-SUV into the town of Salem, Bobby Picket's 'Monster Mash' as played by some local radio station to get them into the mood.
Em, sitting in the back seat, had asked moments ago why Logan had sand on the car floor and a wet towel in the back seat. He'd been in a hurry to get back home to shower and then go pick the two up, and had forgotten this tiny detail.
"I did," Logan replied.
"In the ocean!?" Rory exclaimed and made a teeth shattering sound.
"Yes, in the ocean!" Logan confirmed, having just told her briefly how it had been something Otis had suggested and how he'd already been four times and was enjoying the buzz, the high, it gave him.
"Okay..," Rory replied skeptically, not really feeling like she had much right to really express an opinion on his hobbies.
"Well, yeah - I'm not going off jumping off cliffs anymore, am I? So it's a different kind of thing to surmount myself. Certainly healthier than some of the things I've done," Logan explained, being a lot more interested in her opinion that he'd realized. He wasn't feeling like he was 20 anymore for one, and secondly he didn't want to go doing anything too risky, knowing there was this little girl in the world for whom he wanted to be around for and healthy.
The brief thought back to how scared she had felt when she'd gotten the call about Logan being at the hospital after that Costa Rica incident, made Rory stiffen. She'd felt like a part of her had broken right then. Sure, many bits of her had broken since then but that time had certainly been one of the most genuine. Guilt and regret mixed almost paralyzing fear of losing him. She'd lost him a few time since then - but at least she'd always know he was alive.
"You've jumped off a cliff?" Em asked from the back seat.
Logan mouthed a 'sorry' towards Rory, still not being entirely experienced in watching his every word around the girl.
"It was for sport, and it didn't go as planned and he got really hurt as a result," Rory replied to the girl dramatically. Logan recalled well how scared she'd looked when he'd seen her first after the incident, he hadn't had a doubt in the world about her really loving him. He'd never felt that confident about anything. He'd felt so undeserving of that love at the same time.
"Were you in a hospital?" Em inquired.
"I was…," Logan replied, finding the little girl's excitement of the fact despite her mother's discouragement utterly entertaining.
"Did you get a cast?" Em continued.
"I did. I couldn't walk or run for a while… so I don't recommend any high jumps, planned or unplanned," Logan replied, trying to meet Rory's expectations of how this was supposed to be a cautionary tale. But his own mind drifted again back to how Rory had cared and nurtured him back to health, even if that had included having Doyle and Paris babysit him for the first few days back home.
They soon reached the center of town and parked their car at a vacant spot, having gotten lucky to find a one just with someone pulling out. The town was notoriously busy this close to Halloween and this was exactly why they were there as well - enjoy some small-town holiday spirit, without the long drive to Connecticut as Rory had suggested the destination. It had been Logan's idea to do a roadtrip, wanting their joint weekend outing to actually be something lengthier than a movie or lunch.
Logan enjoyed every interaction with both of them, but he didn't really know whether the feeling was quite as mutual. Sometimes he observed Rory get wrapped up in her own head, he knew the look, but just like he hadn't been great at reading her deeper thoughts five years ago, he was feeling a little clueless now as well.
They walked the town, enjoying the way it was dressed up for Halloween already and with a five-year-old in tow they couldn't really indulge in the scarier stuff like the monster museum or tour the town's scariest haunted houses. But there were some kid stuff to do, thankfully and Em enjoyed herself most at the crafts corner and kid's storytime while the two just stood back and watched.
"It it weird that I don't get sick watching her just do things? Ordinary things?" Logan asked Rory as they stood back, their backs against the wall. They weren't quite shoulder to shoulder, but close enough - one or the other's arm on occasion coming into contact with the other if one moved. It was like a delicate game in that sense - playing indifferent while actually embracing each half-accidental graze.
"Um… I don't think so," Rory replied, finding the fact he would admit to something like that rather adorable. "When she was little I would too," Rory admitted, opening up a little differently than she had until now while telling him stories about Em. So far it had been about the highlights - the milestones, facts about Em's health, peculiarities or preferences, but not so much the everyday regular moments.
Rory looked down and back up at him as she said that, and saw in his face - older, but still as sweet, lovable, face, how he was eager to hear more, even if the story wasn't really anything that noteworthy.
"She would sometimes move her mouth and tongue when she slept when she was just months old… She didn't like to be swaddled - almost like she was a little rebellious or something," Rory added in a light chuckle, describing her ordinary observations of their daughter to him. "I would just watch her, while I really should've been napping myself… just think what must've been going on in her brain or how she would grow, who she'd grow up to be…," Rory described dreamily.
"Who did you picture her as?" Logan asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt the instructor who was helping the kids with their collages. He wondered the same about the present naturally.
"You know… I actually tried to just picture her in different roles. I think my mom was always a little too focused on what I was supposed to be, how I was supposed to be… and honestly while I, as you may guess, am a firm believer in the importance of a good education, I don't really want her to feel all that pressure that I felt," Rory explained. "Through Angie I've met a lot of people over the years and honestly… It has shown me how people choose all sorts of paths for themselves. Some have done what I did and then do a complete 180 and try a vocational profession instead. And I guess what I've seen is that a college degree, or an award doesn't really mean they'll end up any happier than those who don't," Rory added.
"I guess I can second that," Logan replied, thinking back to a couple of awards that stood on his shelf now, the movers having packed them by mistake.
"So you weren't happy?" Rory asked, for a moment slipping out of the careful zone with him. She wasn't even sure why she'd asked that or what was it that she wanted to hear.
"I was…," Logan began, shrugging slightly. "I was content… I tried to be. Happy? I guess I thought I was, but that really depended on a specific moment in time… I just meant that I've certainly learned that money and success can't replace everything," he added, trying to be honest. With the latter he also meant that they hadn't been able to replace what he'd given up.
"Yeah, I know what you mean...," Rory replied. "Em's existence helped me. She put things in perspective for me. Made me realize what kind of a mother I wanted to be, how I wanted her to see me and that made me think what kind of a role model I wanted to be. I didn't want her seeing me lost or overreacting over every little thing… so this is where I've ended up," Rory said, summing her story up, feeling a little awkward for having divulged more than she'd thought she'd do.
"So is your life complete like this?" Logan asked, definitely having some ulterior motive in his question, but he was not going to ask it too directly. Not yet anyways.
"For now it is," Rory replied cleverly. While she tried not to be her mother, in many ways the same thought processes had slipped into her life. Her mother had similarily not let men get close to her until Rory had been young.
Afte Em had finished their crafts and Rory had stopped at a couple of small shops, already thinking of Christmas presents, they made their way to the food court for some lunch.
They were just standing in line for some tacos and fries, Rory asking Em what exactly she wanted, bending down a little, as suddenly someone approached them.
"Logan? Is that you!? My god, it's been forever," a man whom Rory didn't at once recognize, said.
"Hey, Lanny! How are you, man?" Logan turned and greeted the man with a hand shake and clap against his shoulder.
"Good, good," Lanny replied, Rory only now beginning to recognize the guy as Logan's college roommate whom she too had seen around quite a bit. "And you? I don't you know you were in the area!" he said, energetically.
"Well, I recently moved to Boston actually," Logan replied.
"You did? That's great. We should get together sometime - I'm over in Marblehead myself. The wife and kids are around here somewhere," Lanny replied.
Logan suddenly felt a strong urge to reply with something similar, but before he could get a word out Rory had caught Lanny's eye.
"Is that Rory?" Lanny asked.
"Hi," Rory replied humbly, waving her hand hesitantly, unsure how to react.
"And this is Emma," Logan added, Em clearly already feeling a little left out.
"Wow, I didn't know you two were…," Lanny added, gesturing between the two, obviously assuming they were together. But he sounded just genuinely glad to have run into them.
"Oh, we're…," Rory began to deny it, but Logan took another route, not wanting to get sucked into lengthy explanations.
"So kids you say?" Logan asked Lanny, steering the conversation in another way, while not minding terribly if he assumed the three of them to be a family. God, he liked the sound of that, but that balance was fragile still, and he especially didn't want to draw Em into thinking about the three of them as such until he actually felt there was something certain to assure her with.
This wasn't a conversation that was going to get back to Rory's family, that was not what either of them worried about and no connections had been confirmed, just left lingering as assumptions, yet this amplified what Logan had felt all day - that they had looked and almost felt like a family.
