So, thank you for making it this far (unless you are reading this one first in which case you will be totally lost, good luck), please let me know what you think if you want to...we're nearly at the end.
Archie and Finn had fallen asleep but Essie was wide awake. She was in pain but it was nothing she couldn't handle. Her memories were keeping sleep at bay and not for the first time. After Rick had kept Negan alive and after she'd left Alexandria, the fight to survive had been brutal, made even more so with 2 and then 3 children in tow but they'd made it. They'd fought for their lives together and travelled further and further away, Essie had kept bodies and souls together sometimes through sheer force of will and then it had got a little easier until all four of them were able to handle pretty much anything the world could throw at them. But…she hadn't planned for this, for seeing them again.
It was all so long ago but it had never left her, sometimes it seemed like only yesterday and then it would seem like hundreds of years had passed. In the beginning, the hurt and anger had made her scream silently into the night, beat her fists even more fiercely against the world but, over time, this had been tempered into something more like a deep and abiding sense of homesickness and a loss never to be retrieved. She could live with it, she had lived with it and, as long as she didn't poke the scar, she could have gone on living with it. But now, in the heartbeat space between life and death, they were all in one place. How was she ever going to make it out the other side?
Archie sighed in his sleep and rolled over, kicking Finn in the stomach who pushed him off; both of them grunted but didn't wake up. Essie smiled, well she could only hope for the best but she was also going to expect the worst.
"Morning, how are you feeling?"
Essie cracked open an eye; Lance Hornsby was standing at the end of the bed, her medical chart in his hand.
"Good morning," she said and heaved herself up the bed.
"Oh no, please don't get up," Hornsby said and smiled again. Essie watched and waited.
When it became clear she wasn't going to speak, Hornsby broke the silence.
"I wanted to come and say thank you, for yesterday. And to apologise on behalf of the Commonwealth, we don't usually greet people with a bullet," his smile stayed in place and he waited.
"I'm glad to hear it," Essie said and waited again.
"Well," said Hornsby, clapping his hands together lightly, "I believe there's someone outside waiting to see you. Your chart says you're doing well by the way…even with all your other injuries. You've had a tough time." He continued to smile.
"It's a tough life," said Essie, staring him down.
"Ain't that the truth," said Hornsby with a forced laugh, "I'll leave you to it. See you soon."
"See you soon," Essie said and watched him leave; she felt she needed a shower after that conversation…interesting. Her thoughts were interrupted as Caitlin opened the door, shook off the guard and went to her bedside.
"How was jail?" asked Essie after they'd hugged.
"Enlightening," Caitlin said, "are you ok?"
"I'm fine," Essie said and moved over as Caitlin lay next to her.
"No, I mean are you ok with… the people from Alexandria being here?" Caitlin tried to sense what her mother was feeling but, as usual, Essie was unreadable.
"It is what it is. It doesn't change what we're here for."
Caitlin didn't push it, she could remember what it was like when they'd first left Alexandria; how intense her mother's anger had been, her agony.
She'd been so relieved when Essie had come for her and Finn; the joy at being bundled into the car and driving off, away from the terror of the Saviours and the fear Essie wouldn't come back the next time. That first night they'd slept in the car, all together and safe, it was the first time Caitlin could remember feeling truly happy since Essie had killed Laura in the woods. After that, they'd been a family no matter where they washed up and then Archie made 4 and nothing could break them apart. They'd grown up on the road, going from place to place and nothing had mattered as long as they were together.
But as Caitlin had got older she'd come to realise how much her mother locked away, even from herself. Caitlin was wise beyond her years and she knew why her mother had done it, she couldn't live any other way. She also knew how terrified her mother must be in the here and now. Well, Caitlin would do everything to make sure her mother never had to go through it again. She huddled closer to Essie.
"Where's Finn and Archie?" Caitlin asked.
"Getting breakfast," Essie replied with her eyes closed.
"Have you eaten?" Caitlin asked.
"Have you?" asked Essie.
"Yep, got my breakfast hand delivered by one of those toy soldiers."
Essie laughed, "Yes, their outfits are a definite statement of something."
"What's our plan?"
"We're going wait and see," said Essie, "let them tell us everything we need to know and then…well..." Caitlin nodded, the sooner they were out of this place the better.
Essie was in hospital for another 3 days and then discharged herself, she could walk on her own and the wound wasn't that bad, it was a through and through, nothing terrible. They'd been assigned a room in a converted office block until they could be processed; Essie thought it made them sound like cheese but they were happy enough. Archie and Finn were to go to school, Essie and Caitlin would have jobs so they could contribute.
Caitlin was interviewed first and came back furious.
"Basic training. They want me to complete goddam basic training like some rube."
"I guess they just don't trust your aim," said Finn innocently.
"Shut up," said Caitlin.
"You shut up," replied Finn.
"Enough, come and eat," said Essie and put the containers out, Archie fell on the rice like he'd never eaten.
"I saw your bike in one of the warehouses," Caitlin said, "looked like they'd fixed it up."
"My poor baby," said Finn morosely, "she must be missing me."
"Eeeww, Finn," said Caitlin.
Finn's reply was cut short by a knock at the door, Essie opened it to see Ezekiel leaning against the door.
Standing in the tiny kitchen, Essie turned to see Ezekiel watching her from the archway.
"I never expected to see you again," he said quietly.
"I never expected to see you either," she said.
"We lost so much after you left."
Essie sighed, so this was how it was going to happen.
"And do you think if I'd have stayed it would've made any difference?" she asked.
"It might," he replied and looked down, "we lost Henry."
Essie felt her heart twist.
"I'm so, so sorry for your loss," she said.
"There was a group…they called themselves the Whisperers…said we'd encroached on their land…they killed Jesus, Tara, Enid…and Henry, along with so many others," Ezekiel's voice broke.
Her friends, so many of her friends just gone…when she'd thought about Alexandria she'd always imagined it to be thriving.
"And before that," continued Ezekiel, "the communities split apart. Michonne…after Rick's death…she changed," he looked up to meet Essie's dark eyes, "you knew? About Rick?"
Essie nodded and took a deep breath, someone might as well know, "I met up with Maggie about 2 years after I left…she told me about Rick."
"You met up with Maggie? So, you were with Georgie?" Ezekiel asked and Essie nodded.
"We helped set up communities all over…some worked out, others didn't. We would do the initial work, Maggie and Hershel would stay and we'd go with Georgie onto the next place. She saved me…from myself mostly."
"Why did you come back?" he asked.
"Our last place went bad, we heard about The Commonwealth and thought we might settle for a little while," she said lightly and Ezekiel smiled.
"Caitlin and Finn have grown into fine people."
"Yep, I'm proud of them every day," Essie replied.
"And Archie, where did he come from?" Ezekiel asked and saw Essie close down almost immediately.
"We just picked him up on the road," she replied and turned away. Ezekiel didn't push her.
"Is The Commonwealth a place worth making a life in?" she asked.
Ezekiel told her all about this new place they had decided to call home…for now. He even told her about his cancer and the wait list for the operation and how he was hopeful.
"What did you tell him?" asked Caitlin and Essie flopped down next to her.
"Enough to keep them all satisfied, not enough to raise suspicion," she replied with her eyes closed and her daughter nodded.
That night Essie lay in the dark, and thought about what she'd learned. The Commonwealth. A place built on old values… the sort of old values that fostered police states, walls, Checkpoint Charlie, rebels and uprisings. Vive la revolution.
Daryl was also awake. Things he'd never managed to forget boiled just below the surface. He'd lost count of how many times he'd packed up his bike to go and look for her in those first few months. It had only been Rick's reliance on him that kept him from searching…no that wasn't true. It was the hurt and betrayal that kept him from finding her; she'd left, again, without him. It would've been easier if she'd just killed him.
After Rick's death and the years of desperate searching for his brother's body, for any sign of anything at all, he'd found himself remembering her without all the hurt and anger, those memories had brought him, if not peace, then thoughts of a better time.
Leah.
At times, he felt like he was being unfaithful. He didn't tell Leah about Essie but he thought maybe Leah could sense he was keeping something back. He'd gone back to her because he'd finally admitted he'd never see Essie again…but then she'd gone too.
And now Essie was in The Commonwealth.
