The processing was laughable but Essie played along and took her job slip home to show her kids.
"A librarian?" asked Finn, incredulously and Essie nodded.
"What did you say to them?" he said, looking from the slip to Essie and back again.
"What they expected to hear," she replied, "I'm looking forward to it."
"A librarian," he said as Caitlin and Archie walked in, carrying the food. Caitlin laughed until she cried.
"I give you a week," she said and laughed again at her mother's frown.
"I had a life before the fall you know," Essie said, "I was a university lecturer, I spent most of my 20s in libraries."
"Yeah, but that was before," said Archie, "now you can bring down the bad guys with a rifle and a firework."
"That wasn't me," she said, "that was Carol."
"Same difference," shrugged Archie.
"Do your homework," said Essie and returned Archie's stuck out tongue with one of her own.
The next day Essie went to work. The library was large and airy and surprisingly busy. A nice lady of about 50 called Sheena showed her how everything worked, where the cards were, where the bathrooms were and who could borrow which books.
"There's a hierarchy for book borrowing?" asked Essie.
"Oh yes," said Sheena, "people with gold cards can borrow any book, people with blue can borrow anything that isn't historical, political or to do with the law, and people with red cards can borrow children's books, anything on cooking and food or gardening and the red stickered fiction books."
"The red stickers are all romances," Essie commented but it seemed to go over Sheena's head, "Of Mice and Men is a gold sticker? And A Tale of Two Cities?"
"Mr Hornsby thought they might stir up unnecessary questions for people who should be busy with other things," said Sheena and bustled off without another word.
"Did he now?" Essie said to herself.
She kept her head down for another week, ingratiating herself with her colleagues and the regular library users, being extra helpful and accommodating to everyone. Then every night she would slip out of the apartment block and explore the city. She created a map of all the different areas, worked out the guard routines, found where the government buildings were (official and unofficial) and who was keeping what secrets.
"There's an underground movement," she said to Caitlin over breakfast, "I need you to try and infiltrate it."
"How?" asked Caitlin, "I'm a guard."
"It's perfect," Essie said, "cause some trouble, question a few orders. Not enough so you get jailed again but just enough to let anyone interested know you are dissatisfied."
Caitlin nodded and shoved more cereal into her mouth.
"Mom, I've got a date tonight," said Finn.
"Jesus Finn, you've been here a week," said Essie looking at her handsome son. He still had his dark curls and soulful eyes that no teenage girl or boy could resist. He was tall and lean with an easy going manner, he drove them wild.
"What can I say?" he smiled, "people just love me."
"Don't stay out past curfew," Essie said and he kissed her on the cheek.
"Don't wait up. Archie come on, we're going to be late."
Essie watched as her other son, growing up to be equally handsome, grabbed an apple and gave her a hug.
"I'll be home with you," he said, "you won't be lonely."
"Thanks, little dude," she said, "I'm looking forward to it."
The door slammed behind them and all was quiet.
"Mom," said Caitlin cautiously, "do you think you should tell the people from Alexandria?"
"No," said Essie, "we don't know them anymore and we don't know if we can trust them. They'll find out soon enough if all goes to plan."
"Ok," she said, "but what about D…"
"Cat," Essie interrupted, "don't. We do this quickly and then we are gone. There's no need to rake over the past."
"I know but I remember when we were in Alexandria and…"
"Caitlin," Essie almost pleaded, "please don't."
"Ok Mom," Caitlin frowned as Essie turned away. Her memories were coming back, things she hadn't thought about in years. Most of them were filled with fear and horror and she'd successfully packed them all away just like her mother had, but seeing these people again had made them resurface. She could remember her Mom smiling at the sound of a motorbike engine outside their half house and the smell of cigarette smoke in the night air.
Essie, leaning against the library desk, stifled a yawn and tried to stay awake.
"Late night?" asked Sheena with a smile and Essie nodded.
"Did you have a date?" she asked with a twinkle. Essie snorted.
"I think those days are far behind me," she said.
"Never say never," said Sheena and Essie yawned again.
A woman entered and looked around before approaching the desk.
"I'm looking for Estella Kirk," she said.
"That's me," she said cautiously.
"I'm from The Commonwealth School, the principle needs to see you right away," her tone was clipped and professional.
"Can you tell me why?" Essie asked and the woman sighed in frustration.
"Your son has been involved in an altercation with Tyler Brandish," she then turned on her heel and walked out.
"Oh those Brandish boys are nothing but trouble. Their mother works for Governor Milton and their father is something high up in the police. If your son has been fighting with that little…" here Sheena lowered her voice, "snake in the grass then its bad trouble."
Essie smiled and looked Sheena up and down, the woman looked startled.
"Sheena…what size is that lovely black skirt?"
Essie did a quick change in the bathroom, she'd borrowed Sheena's skirt and pumps, Paul's black shirt and a smart jacket from a red card lady who came in every day. Finally, she'd removed her beloved boots and put on the uncomfortable shoes.
"My, you do look…different," said Sheena, "why'd you wanna get dressed up like that?"
"Because Sheena, like recognises like and I want them to see a gold card owner."
"You sure look the part…go get 'em," said Sheena with an uncharacteristically evil grin.
She did a quick walk to the school, pausing at the door to compose herself and then walked in.
"Take me to the principal's office," she demanded in her most cut-glass accent. The receptionist looked startled but didn't argue. Once they were at the door, Essie pushed the woman out of the way and banged open the door, making sure it hit the wall with a thump. All of them in the office gave a jump and looked up.
Essie took in the scene; Tyler Brandish, a well-built boy of about twelve was already sporting a fat lip and swelling eye, his mother was dabbing at his bloody nose, Judith was holding the shattered pieces of what looked like a record and RJ who looked worried and Archie was sat at the other end of this strange row his cheek already swelling. Well there was nothing for it now, in for a penny, in for a pound.
"Oh hello Principal Swyza, Lady Estella Kirk, it's lovely to finally meet you. Please allow me to do all I can to assist in sorting out this misunderstanding," she watched as her title registered with the principal and Mrs Brandish.
"It's more than a misunderstanding…ummm…Mrs…Ms…my Lady," stuttered the principal, already looking browbeaten.
"Honestly, there's no need to use my title…Estella is fine," she said and turned the full force of her personality on the helpless man.
"It certainly is more than a misunderstanding," said Mrs Brandish, "your son attacked my boy. Look at his face. He's traumatised,"
Essie stood up and peered very closely at Tyler's face, he flinched.
"Gosh yes, that looks like a nasty bruise and I can't help but notice how raw his knuckles are. Did that happen during the fight?"
"I was defending myself," he muttered.
"Oh you poor dear, and why did you need to defend yourself from Archie?" Essie moved even closer.
"He attacked me. I was only wanted to look at the record and she…" he pointed at Judith, "wouldn't let me."
Essie spoke quickly, "so you were only looking at the record? Had you not seen one before? That's very sad."
"No," said his mother indignantly, "he has plenty of records at home, he buys them with his allowance."
"So why did Archie attack you if you only wanted a look and Judith said no?" Essie asked with a sweet smile.
"When I took it off her, that little rat," and now he pointed at RJ, "tried to grab it back so I pushed him away and he fell on his stupid butt. Then she punched me so I shoved her over and threw the record on the ground," he gave a self-satisfied smile as if he'd exonerated himself.
"And then your son tackled Tyler to the ground, body slammed him into the dirt. It took 3 teachers to get him off," said the principal, feeling like he needed to take back some control.
Essie gathered Judith into her arms, "Play along," she whispered into her ear. When Essie stood up, she had tears streaming down her face.
"Please forgive me," she said, "it's just I know how hard Judith and her little brother have had it. It's just so heartbreaking that now, in this paradise, they still have to be afraid."
Essie gave Judith the barest of winks and the kid caught on and started to rub her eyes and sniff. RJ looked startled but kept quiet.
"We…we had no idea," faltered the mother.
'Of course you wouldn't, no one expects you to. And, as one mother to another, I know how hard it can be to raise boys to be respectful and well mannered," she pointedly looked at Tyler. There was a pause and then…
"Tyler Brandish, you apologise to this little girl," the mother shouted and Tyler looked shocked.
"Mom, I was attacked," he whined.
"And I don't blame that boy. Wait until your father hears about how you've tarnished the Brandish name…" she continued to berate him and Essie leant over the principal's desk and gave him a smile.
"We'll say no more about this. I think it would be best if we took our children home for the rest of the day. And please, don't hesitate to contact me at any time." Essie straightened his tie and walked out, the others following her in disbelief.
"You're Essie," Judith said but Essie interrupted her.
"Don't say another word, just keep walking, don't look back," she said and then whispered, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1…"
"Lady Estella," a voice called form behind them, they turned as one to see Mrs Brandish pushing Tyler towards them.
"My mom says I have to say sorry," he mumbled, "and I've got to give you two moths allowance for the record I broke," and he handed over a wedge of notes.
Essie bent down to his eye level.
"Thank you, Tyler, that's very generous," she leaned in closer, "And if you ever go near these or any other kids ever again, if they even smell your breath, I will pull your spine out through your throat and leave you to turn into a rotter. And their uncle will make sure you eat the rest of your family chunk by chunk before putting a bullet in your decomposing brain. Just nod if you understand."
Tyler nodded, white as a sheet, and ran back to his mother.
Essie stood up, "start walking and don't look back," she said.
They walked to the end of the block and turned the corner, Essie sped up a little and the others matched her speed.
"Mum…" Archie began but Essie interrupted, "keep walking.'
"Mum…" he said again but she stopped him and glanced behind them.
"Ok…run," she said and took off down the street. Judith was the first to catch on and followed her. Soon they were all tearing through the streets, Essie only stopped to wrench off the shoes.
Once there were a good few blocks behind them, Essie ducked into a side alley and leant on her knees getting her breath.
"Oh my God," screamed Judith, "that was amazing," Essie held up her finger and gulped down air.
"How much did we get?" asked Archie and grabbed the money out of his mother's hand,
"Looks like it's about…$30," he said.
"That's so much money," RJ said, "what can we buy?"
"Ice cream," said Archie quickly.
"And records," added Judith. Essie stood up, holding her side.
"Let's go," she grinned.
They hit the ice cream stand first.
"Order what you want," said Essie, "but when all that refined fat and sugar makes you throw up, aim for a drain. I don't want to be ticketed for littering." Archie rolled his eyes and followed Judith and RJ to the window.
"Mum, what do you want?" shouted Archie.
"Chocolate," she yelled back.
They also bought ice creams for all the other people in the square and then made their way to the record shop.
Once they'd finished their ice creams, Judith introduced them to Jaunita, Essie liked her instantly and they started looking through the records. It was at that point that Essie's stomach started to complain. She took some deep breaths but knew what was about to happen, she backed out of the tiny shop and staggered to the kerb before puking her guts out into the drain.
She was still throwing up when a shadow fell across her.
"One second," she said without looking up and then threw up again.
"Bloody refined fat and sugar," she said, wiping her mouth.
"Uncle Daryl," Judith shouted and wrapped her arms around him. Essie, still bent over the drain, closed her eyes; of course, this is how she saw him again.
"Essie, are you ok? Was it the ice cream?" asked Judith and Essie nodded, still bent over.
"What happened today?" asked Daryl to Judith, who then recounted the whole story.
"Mum," yelled Archie from the doorway, "Can I get Billy Idol? Would I like it?"
"Also, who's David Bowie?" added RJ.
"Essie, Archie said you have a whole box of records, can I see them? I promise I won't scratch them," Judith said, Essie groaned and threw up again.
She was sitting on the kerb, a little way from the crime scene drain with her head in her hands. Juanita had herded everyone back in the shop and the puking had finally stopped.
"Here," Daryl held out a cup of water, she took it gratefully, swilling out her mouth and spitting into the gutter.
"Thanks," she said, pleased to see her hand was hardly shaking at all.
"Thanks for going to the school," he said after a pause.
"No problem and…I'll speak to Archie about jumping in when people might not need it. I get the impression Judith could have dealt with it…probably better than by body slamming a twelve-year-old shit bag to the ground." She still hadn't met his eye, she couldn't.
"Ok…well…thanks," he repeated and walked back into the shop. She breathed out, maybe that was it? Maybe they wouldn't cross paths again and she could leave without having to face her past. Hope for the best, expect the worst.
Essie stood back as the kids said goodbye to each other and then she and Archie walked back to their apartment. Her son seemed unaffected by what had happened in the day, why would he? He'd seen far worse things in his short life and as for the other thing, he didn't need to know.
They ate dinner together and then sat on the sofa looking at the 2 records he'd bought.
"I don't know why you got these, we haven't even got a record player," she said but Archie just smiled.
"I got them for when we do and we can always give them to Georgie when we get back."
Caitlin and then Finn got home and they told each other about their day. Archie went to bed, then Caitlin who had to be up early in the morning.
"I'm going out tonight," Essie said as Finn yawned.
"Again?" he asked.
"I want to check out the east side, I think something's up in one of the warehouses," Essie said.
"You know Mom, you could just take a night off?" he said but Essie shook her head.
"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. You can see it everywhere the surface is scratched; the safety of this place is like costume jewellery, shiny and dazzling but the closer you get the more fake it looks….and we promised those people we'd find out who took their families."
"Yeah but why does it have to be you?" asked Finn.
"Because I can," said Essie simply, "if not us, then who?"
"You could talk to the people from Alexandria. If they knew the truth then…"
Essie sighed, "What if they already know the truth? Are you sure they're not part of this?"
"Mom," pleaded Finn, "they're good people…" but she interrupted him again.
"They were good people, we don't know what they are now."
"But I remember. I remember Alexandria. I remember how they fought so hard to stay together. They can't have changed that much."
"But do you also remember when they exiled me and when Rick let Negan live and no-one said a word?" she gave him a hard stare and, normally, Finn would back down because his mother was always right but this time he didn't.
"No, you left before they'd made the decision to exile or not…" Essie opened her eyes wide, this was new coming from her placid and easy going son, "and you could've stayed after…after Rick let Negan live…you could've listened to why Rick wanted him alive and…and I remember how you were, even with all the shit that was happening…you were happy…"
"I'm happy now, with you and Caitlin and Archie," interrupted Essie but Finn shook his head.
"You were a different happy…"
"Finn, so much time has passed, so much has happened…we've been gone from Alexandria far longer than we were ever there…we can't trust them," she said.
"I think you're wrong," Finn said and Essie gave a sad smile.
"And I know I'm right."
