A/N: Hey ya'll. Sorry about the wait! I had to finish my paper this weekend and then it took me a little while to get back into the story. But here's an update, and I hope you approve.

CHAPTER 6

The air around them is thick and heavy as they sit in silence, watching the man on the other side of the desk, meticulously flipping through pages that contain Christine Baker's handwriting.

Page by page, each one bringing with it more tension, each one making the air thicker and heavier.

Their captain has barely uttered a single word since they stepped into his office ten minutes ago. His expression mostly flat when she explained what happened the night before and what they did, her words accompanied by the sound of Amanda dropping the book on his desk.

To any untrained eye, he might seem unbothered by it all, but she has worked with this man long enough to recognize that look on his face, knows that just because he's not yelling yet, doesn't mean he's not going to at some point.

Once he reaches the final page, she knows what's coming.

For the time being though, she finds herself more concerned with the tension that lingers between her, and the woman sitting just a few feet away.

No, concerned doesn't feel like the right word.

More like, confused?

Maybe that's it.

Confused.

Because she didn't know what to expect when she entered the squad room this morning, but it certainly wasn't to find Amanda, famous for always running a little late, already there; Eyes focused on the laptop in front of her, all business and nothing else.

Or was there a hint of something? Anger? Worry?

Maybe she's just tired.

It's not like she could've gotten a lot of sleep last night?

Or maybe she did. Maybe she wasn't affected by what happened yesterday at all. Asleep like a baby, moments after Olivia left her apartment.

Maybe yesterday was just another day of work for her?

No.

No, that can't be it.

Because goddamnit, she won't look at her.

Like, at all.

And, on top of that, there's that bounce in her leg.

Of course, that could be because she's nervous about Cragen's reaction and this impending round of reprimanding that they're in for. But, no. That bounce, for some reason, feels personal.

As if it's directed at her. Directed at their conversation, that moment, or whatever the hell that was, in Amanda's kitchen.

It couldn't have been more than a few seconds, but there was a moment. When she noticed how those blue eyes came to rest on her lips. And she knew, almost instinctively, that if she didn't say anything, they would end up doing that one thing that she has promised herself she won't do.

Is that what this restless leg is about?

Did she feel it too?

Or, is it because Olivia pushed her away when the questions became too hard to answer?

It might be that too. But to be fair, Amanda pushed back. As far as playing fields go, last night was pretty much leveled.

Her eyes, ears, her mind, is drawn towards that bounce now, consumed by it, and it's about to drive her crazy because usually this is what she does best; The art of analyzing body language, picking up on the small things, and picking it apart until it makes sense.

Tell me, Amanda.

"Rollins-" Cragen says suddenly, forcing Olivia to focus on something else than the bouncing leg. "Can you give us a minute?"

Looking confused more than anything else, the blonde blinks at him before turning her head to the other woman, their eyes meeting for the first time since last night.

She breaks the stare quickly, however, facing the captain with furrowed brows. "What?"

"I need a word with detective Benson."

Oof.

It's the 'detective' and the 'Benson'. She's in trouble now.

"Cap-" Amanda starts, leaning forward in her chair. "I was the one who wanted to investigate after you told us not to. Liv simply made the call, but I-"

"Rollins." He repeats, more firmly this time, but still refrained from yelling. "Not now."

Head falling down, she sighs, sounding both annoyed and defeated, but giving in nonetheless while sending Olivia a final, unreadable glance before she stands, and leaves.

Eyeing the door first, and making sure that it is in fact closed, Cragen slowly shifts his attention to the woman in front of him, the woman who's currently holding her breath while awaiting the inevitable.

In 3, 2, 1-

"What the hell?"

There it is.

"Listen-" She starts, already knowing how pointless it is to speak right now.

"No, you listen." He says, moving to stand. "Every goddamn day for twelve years you and Elliot gave me a headache with your reckless behavior. Always bending the rules, ignoring my orders-"

He must've caught the sudden shift in her expression, the mix of sadness and anger that now glimmers in her eyes, because even if it's barely noticeable, his voice softens, just a little.

"And I know losing him was a hard hit for you, for all of us, but there was also this part of me that thought, maybe, just maybe this would finally keep you on a straight line."

"Look-" She tries, almost relieved when he interrupts her yet again, his hand gesturing towards the notebook.

"What the hell is this?"

"A case!" Olivia responds, finding that channeling her frustration is much better than anything else she might be feeling right now.

"Of course it's a case." Cragen scoffs. "One that's been tampered with before we've even opened an investigation."

Before she can come up with a good response to that, he is already pointing at the door, letting her know that this meeting is over, for now.

"I have some calls to make." He says, back turned as he moves to sit down again. "Get out."

It's not the anger in his voice, or the disappointment on his face that causes it. She's used to that, been hearing and seeing it for more than a decade. After all this time, her skin is too thick to be affected by some good old scolding in his office.

So no, that's not the reason why she feels the sudden urge to cry.

It's the fact that he brought it all back, without warning. Reminding her of him, and all the things she lost this year. All the things she wishes she could tell him, ask him. All those nights spent wondering what the hell happened and why he couldn't even find it in his wild and untamed heart to say goodbye.

It's been months, and she still hasn't found a good word to describe whatever it is she's feeling, but at least she has found a way to keep her emotions in check. At least on the job. Especially on the job, in front of her squad, some of them still considered strangers.

And maybe that's why, when she exits the captain's office and she feels all these eyes lingering on her, Amanda's included, she does the only thing she can think of; Walk away.

"Everything good?" Fin asks when Olivia moves past him, his stare following her as she ignores his question, determined steps leading her towards the restrooms.

Once inside and after making sure that she is in fact alone, she chooses the fourth stall to lock herself into, resting her head against the door as a quivering exhale escapes, right before her tears do the same.

It might not be the first time she has cried at work, but there's something particularly sad about doing it here. And for no good reason at all, except that she can't seem to get over this feeling, this suffocating feeling, of losing him. Or losing something, even though she's not entirely sure what that something is.

"Liv?"

She flinches when she hears it; Her name spoken so softly that it barely reaches her ear from the other side of the room.

Then, a few steps.

"You ok?"

The voice is closer now, but still, almost whispered, as if the woman speaking is worried that someone can hear them.

"Yeah-" She hears herself say, using the back of her hand to cover a sniffle.

Realizing that she probably doesn't really sound that convincing, she makes quick work of removing the tears on her cheeks before reaching over to flush the toilet, creating some false pretense for being in here.

"What just happened?" Amanda asks when Olivia exits the stall, her arms folded and her eyes nervous as they follow the brunette's steps towards the sink.

"Nothing." Olivia mumbles, keeping her hands busy while washing them, glancing at the woman behind her through the mirror. "The usual."

"I'm sorry-" Amanda responds, adding a shrug. "I tried."

The sincere guilt in the blonde's voice makes her turn, reminded that she was, after all, the one who put them in this situation in the first place.

"Hey-" She starts, feeling a sudden need to reach out and provide some kind of comfort, or reassurance, but choosing to keep a safe distance instead. "I know. And we knew this was gonna happen." She pauses to add a crooked smile. "He'll get over it."

For a moment, it looks like Amanda wants to say something, ask something, but she seemingly opts against it, nodding instead while trying a smile in return.

"We should get back out there-" Olivia says when the silence is bordering on uncomfortable, when it feels like this is slowly turning into something that reminds her of the night before.

But as she starts to move, and speaking of the night before, a hand is suddenly wrapped around her wrist, Amanda now standing right in front of her.

"Wait-" The blonde says, rushing the word out. "You've got something-" She mumbles while letting go of her arm, moving her hand to Olivia's face instead.

Leaning back to avoid the touch, brown eyes widen at the sudden invasion of her personal space. "What are you doing?"

"Relax-" Amanda laughs. "You just got something-" She trails off while using her thumb to gently rub at the skin under Olivia's eye. "Right there."

She gulps silently then, holding her breath as her body registers the unexpected contact, losing track of time as the seconds seem to drag on.

There.

It's not her imagination. It can't be.

It's last night all over again. It's the way Amanda's stare moves from her cheek, to her eyes, and then, her lips.

Fuck.

She swallows again, knows that if she doesn't do or say anything soon, this blurred line between them will undoubtedly be crossed.

By who, she's not so sure.

"Is it gone?" She asks, her voice coming out as a low rasp as she forces the question out.

"Yeah." Amanda whispers, but she still doesn't move, her hand now more or less caressing Olivia's cheek. "All gone."

It would be so easy to just take a step back, to pretend that this means nothing, to tell herself that it's still all in her head. That she's feeling vulnerable and maybe even a little lonely, and that's why she feels like this.

Just one step back.

She can give meaning to this by blaming him. She can even blame it on her secret panic attack the night before, and this case. Her mind is just warped, confused about so many things.

The smart thing to do, the responsible thing, would be to take that step now.

Just one.

So no, it doesn't make any sense to her why she takes one step forward instead, realizing then, when this woman standing in front of her doesn't back down, doesn't move her hand away, that at least one line has already been crossed in this worn down restroom.

Because co-workers don't do this.

"Amanda-" She mumbles, having no idea what she planned to say, her body acting on its own accord as she tilts her head slightly, inhaling a trembling breath when that hand on her cheek moves slowly, down, until it's rested at the crook of her neck.

And there, a little pressure, not much, but enough for her to realize what's about to happen, what Amanda wants to happen.

"Just-" The blonde says, her eyes still resting on the other woman's mouth, as if she's somehow transfixed by what she's looking at. She blinks once, twice, but it doesn't break her stare.

She leans in, closer, and closer, until there's no more than a few inches between their lips, until she knows with absolute certainty that they've reached the point of no return.

Half a minute ago, this could've just been Amanda removing a mascara stain from her cheek, all while being gracious and respectful enough to not point out the fact that it was obvious she'd been crying.

Half a minute ago, they were still just two women, two detectives, who happens to work in the same unit.

Or?

"I'm coming."

Ok, maybe not. Maybe everything about these past twenty four hours have been all about crossing lines; A catalyst to lead them here; Amanda's hand urging her closer, thighs touching, her own hand moving to rest on the other woman's hip, her breaths shallow as they escape parted lips. That faint voice in the back of her mind whispering something that sounds a lot like "kiss her".

Time turns on itself again as she closes her eyes, in the same moment as that final, fateful inch is about to be erased, in the same moment as the sound of a knock and the creak of a door echoes through the room, making them pull away abruptly, a hissed and whispered "shit" coming from Amanda before she clears her throat.

"I don't know what you ladies are doing in here-" Munch says, peering through the door. "And I don't wanna know, but Cragen wants us all in his office. Now."

"On our way." Olivia calls out, her voice cracking on the last word as her eyes meet Amanda's, surprised when what she finds is an odd expression that almost looks like amusement. A smirk. As if the blonde is currently fighting a giggle. She seemingly wins the battle however, her expression changing to something more serious as she mumbles a low spoken "jesus" while moving towards the door.

"You coming?" Amanda asks, lifting a brow as she holds the door open.

"Yeah-" Olivia breathes, fighting back a smirk of her own when she catches the not so subtle innuendo in Amanda's question. "Yeah, I'm coming."

Jesus, indeed.