Winter Break & Spring Semester, Junior Year, 2015

Shea woke the next morning to the sound of a loud thud. Shea bolted upright at the sound of the first thump, instantly worried something in her apartment was going to detonate. It took the second and third thumps to realize that something was being launched at her sliding glass door.

"What is that?" Rodrick muttered, his face buried in a pillow.

Shea wasn't sure. She wordlessly crawled out of bed and slid open the door just in time to see a snowball explode onto her deck.

When she peaked over the balcony, Zack was balling up another snowball, a car waiting for him a few feet away.

"What?" Shea snapped loudly. She hoped her voice wouldn't wake her neighbors (or maybe it should—what time was it, anyway?).

"Where's my stuff?" he asked in a similarly hostile tone.

Shea had forgotten she launched his suitcase into the snow below her during a rage-fueled cleaning session. Gosh, was that only a few hours ago? It felt like a lifetime ago.

"In front of you," she said simply.

"Where?"

"It was snowing last night; dig for it."

Zack groaned. "Are you kidding me?"

"Are YOU kidding ME?" the words left Shea's mouth before she could stop them.

"At least I'm not still in love with my ex."

A hard lump formed in Shea's throat at the accusation; it was a good thing Zack couldn't see into her bedroom.

Shea shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot."

Shea's cheeks were red—she wasn't sure if it was from the cold or her encounter. When she slammed the sliding door behind her, Rodrick didn't glance up from his phone.

"I'm not—" she stammered, "I mean, I don't know what he's talking about. We almost never talked about you."

"Don't stress it. He's just trying to piss you off," Rodrick said nonchalantly.

"Yeah." Shea sat on the edge of her bed, her heart still thumping with nerves. Outside, she heard a car door slam and an engine rev to life. As her adrenaline started to calm, Shea's brain rang with nothingness. She had to admit she enjoyed Rodrick's company more than Zack's, but to say she was still in love…

Ugh, Rodrick was right: he was trying to get under her skin, and she wouldn't let him. Not this time.

Rodrick said suddenly, "I've gotta go."

"Oh?"

"Celine's been texting me all night," he explained simply, tossing his legs over the side of her bed. "She wants me to hear her out."

Shea was surprised to hear that he was considering giving her another chance. "Are you going to?"

Rodrick shrugged. "I feel like I have to."

"I mean, I just tossed his stuff out the window. You don't have to do anything."

"I dunno."

Their stares met for a few moments. Shea wanted so badly for him to stay—they could rummage for breakfast and coffee and hang out like old times. But she could see in Rodrick's face that he wanted to leave—after all, he was with Celine, not her.

"Alright," she said finally. "I'll see you later."

"Later." Rodrick waved his hand and then walked out of her room.


After the disastrous New Year's Eve party, Shea couldn't wait for winter break to be over so she could get back to Baltimore. She called her friends and told them about everything that had happened with Zack and Celine, and they all shared the same angry reaction. Millie even went so far as to post angry statuses on social media that tagged Zack and told her friends to stay away from "that cheating, misogynistic fuck." Some of Zack's frat brothers came at her digitally, but Millie was unintimidated; Shea wished she had her friend's bravery and boldness.

Shea had hoped to see Rodrick's relationship status on social media change to "single," but after a few days without an update, she assumed they had made up. Sure enough, when she arrived at Rodrick's house for band practice about a week later, Celine was perched in her usual spot in the garage. This time, though, she made an effort—she clapped after every song and sounded more encouraging in her praise. She even approached Shea after rehearsal and apologized for what happened between her and Zack, blaming it on alcohol and bad judgment.

Shea didn't buy it. Not a single word. But she seemed to make Rodrick happy, so held her tongue.


"Wow!" Seneca gasped as she opened the door to the master bedroom. Shea had to agree with her reaction: the feature brick wall contrasted beautifully against the hardwood floor.

"I know," Bryan agreed with a smile, stepping around the empty room. "I think I like this place best."

"Definitely." Shea peeked out the window, which was facing an opposite row of equally pretty, old row homes.

"I can make the call," Bryan smiled. "My new job starts in two weeks, so we can move in…"

"ASAP," Seneca said eagerly. "Seriously. I don't wanna miss out."

"Don't you need to pack your apartment at Ft. Drum?" Shea asked.

"We don't have much stuff," Bryan said with a shrug. "It could fit into a small moving truck."

"Cool!"

Shea was so excited that her brother and his girlfriend were moving to Baltimore. After months of job hunting after he was discharged from the military, Bryan was offered a primo gig with a federal contractor working on the same vehicles he drove around in Afghanistan. Now, Shea was spending her unusually warm February college break hunting for rentals in the city, and it seemed like this cute row home in Federal Hill was going to be the winner.

"I can't wait for you guys to get here!" she gushed.

"Does this mean you're moving in with us this summer?" Seneca asked hopefully.

"You know I want to, but I'm gonna do at least one more summer at the country club. I make decent money to sit on my ass and drink iced coffee. After I graduate, though…"

"Your room's down the hall," Bryan said reassuringly. "I expect rent on the first of the month. No freeloading."

Shea laughed. Her decision to move to Baltimore after she graduated was all but solidified now that two of her favorite people were also moving into the city. First Bryan, and now Priya had committed to attending grad school at Johns Hopkins University. She would be living closer to campus, but the thought that they would be less than 20 minutes apart made her heart soar.

Shea pulled out her phone to text Priya that Bryan and Seneca had made a decision when she saw she had a missed call from Rodrick.

That's odd, she thought. Though she and Rodrick texted at least once a day, they never called each other—everything they needed to say to each other could be communicated through text or a GIF.

Shea was halfway down the staircase when her phone screen lit up: Rodrick was calling again. Oh, god. What was going on?

"Hey," Shea said as she crossed the empty living room out into the small fenced backyard. "Sorry, my phone didn't ring the first time. Is everything okay?"

"She did it again," Rodrick said. In the background, Shea could hear him lower the volume of music playing over a speaker. "She cheated on me."

"What?" Shea gasped. She plopped onto the concrete step, settling in for some gossip. "Did she tell you? How do you know?"

"Yeah, she told me."

"Did she say who with?"

"I dunno. Some guy in one of her classes."

Shea clicked her tongue. She wished she was sitting with him so she could read his facial expressions. "Jesus, man, I'm sorry. That really sucks. I assume you dumped her?"

"Well…" Rodrick sighed. "That's why I'm calling you."

"Okay…"

"I know I should. I mean, come on, twice now? I'm a dumbass if I forgive her. But… I dunno. I'm having a hard time letting go."

"What did you say when you left? Like, where are you now?" Shea wondered.

"I just left. She stopped by the country club and told me we needed to talk. She dropped the bomb and started crying, but my brain went blank. I got in the truck and drove. I'm in a Dairy Queen parking lot, actually."

"Self soothing with a Blizzard is a good idea. But you should probably break up with her first."

That got a laugh, which made Shea smile. "I know, I know. But we've been together for a year, and she's going through a lot of shit at home. Maybe if I supported her more…"

"Don't do that to yourself," Shea said seriously, cutting him off. "You can't change a person. If she needs help, she should be working that out with a therapist, not some rando's dick."

"I just feel bad leaving her. She said she needs me."

Shea countered, "She knows she fucked up and is trying to con you into staying. Trust me: I've heard this before from my exes. Maybe she does feel badly and maybe her life does suck. I get that, you know I do. But that doesn't give her an excuse to hurt you. I mean, you broke up with me for that reason."

"I forgot about that," Rodrick admitted. Shea remembered how devastated she felt in that moment—confronting each other in the frozen Westmore High School parking lot about her emotional unavailability—but it helped her grow as a person and a partner. She needed to hear she fucked up. Maybe Celine needed the same.

"You were right to do it, though," she told him. "It'll suck to see her hurt, but you have to think about yourself. Your feelings are important too."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a moment. Shea could hear the chorus of a slow song swell in Rodrick's truck.

"How did you do it?" Rodrick asked finally.

"Do what?"

"Let go of your feelings for Zack."

Shea pondered this. "It wasn't one thing, honestly. I had been thinking a lot about love before… well, you know. I think I knew that he didn't love me and that I deserved better, but I kept hoping he would change his mind. But he didn't. Obviously. It's like a switch flipped in my brain and I knew I deserved better."

Rodrick made a noise of understanding. After a few quiet moments, he said, "It's funny, you know. Celine kept telling me she didn't like that you and I are still friends. She said it was weird for exes to talk and that there's no reason for us to even be in contact. Like, we must be cheating or some shit."

"How the turntables," Shea joked, quoting The Office.

"Right!" Rodrick said with a chuckle. "Well, thanks for talking to me. I appreciate it."

"Of course," Shea said earnestly. "Talk soon?"

"You bet."


Later that night, Shea got a text from Rodrick: "It's done."

Even though she was out at a bar with Seneca and Bryan, she prioritized her reply to him.

"Proud of you," she told him, and she meant it.

Rodrick replied with a red heart emoji, which made her heart skip a beat. Maybe Zack was right: maybe she hadn't let go of Rodrick just yet.