There's a notebook in the back of Eri's closet that Shiki doesn't know about.
It's full of tattoo designs.
It had started out as a simple rough sketch that Eri had doodled into her notes one day before eventually, it became an entire page's worth before she realized that she was more focused on it than the actual lesson. So, she bought a notebook for it and hid it in the depths of her closet, meticulously hidden.
In the shoe box on the highest shelf covered by the extra blankets she only brought out during winter (she hid it under the scratchy blankets that Shiki keeps telling her to throw away).
She doesn't know why she's hiding it from her. Shiki's her best friend, she wouldn't judge her or make fun of her for anything.
The doodles had started out as little hearts, some colored in, some left blank. Tiny little stars, some with the framing and some she had poorly attempted to draw the contours of decorating them. Little non-specific flowers filled in the gaps between until she was bordering the entire page with them, as if she was creating a hit new border design.
She started over from the middle and didn't think while she sketched. Cell phones and key chains joined the mix.
She drew Mr. Mew, too, but only when she had a picture of him for reference, scouring every single picture she had of Shiki. Sure, she'd memorized what Mr. Mew looks like long by now, but she could only do him justice— do Shiki justice— by drawing him as accurately as possible.
One day, she and Shiki get into a fight and her clothing designs halt. Her notebook is her only solace, drawings of storms, a wilting flower, and an empty bedroom fill the pages.
Her dreams are plagued by a frame of a single flower left on a desk, and when she wakes up she's choked by tears, Shiki's voice the only thing able to calm her down. She's unable to fall asleep, her designs keeping her in place.
She sketches frantically as soon as she hangs up on the phone (sometimes while they're talking, but if Shiki notices she doesn't say anything). Her pencil scratches against the pages, leaving angry dark lines, and light, scared and gentle features.
She's often met with two faces— Shiki's face, kind, gentle, and strong. The sight of it calms her down, and she spends far too long caressing the drawing, graphite staining her fingers.
The other face is her own, tired, angry, scared, not at all what's used to seeing in the mirror. But all the same, it makes her feel nauseous and the more she tries to draw Shiki's face the more it turns out looking like her own.
She sees it, and for just a moment she hates herself.
Eri always jolts away from the thought. She can't linger on those thoughts, she knows that. So, she doodles on the skin of every single drawing, not a single drawing left bare.
She carries a pen with her everywhere. She doodles on Shiki's hands and arms while they talk about designs, draws roses and moons on Ai's fingers, and suns and ice cream cones on Mina's wrists.
Shiki's new friend Neku does the same. Sometimes, they take turns while they're waiting for everyone else to show up to the group meetings. Beat asks for skulls, in no particular size or location, so long as they're "badass". She draws little stars across Rhyme's knuckles, hoping to remind the girl that she too can find a dream to reach for.
Occasionally, a boy named Joshua joins them and surprisingly lets her draw on him too after minute hesitation. She draws feathers and rings and rainbows, and hopes to figure out how they all connect.
She continues to draw Mr. Mew in various different poses with different outfits.
Eventually, the drawings expand to skateboards, headphones, and little bells that Mr. Mew wore and used as if he were actually holding them. Soon, he has a pair of white fluffy wings to help him soar through the air on his board.
One day, while working on Gatto Nero designs, Eri finally works up the courage to show Shiki the drawing. She pauses to just take it all in, and she smiles big in that way she does when she sees a friend she hasn't seen in some time. Then, she turns to her and gives a thoughtful look.
"This would be a neat tattoo design, wouldn't you think?"
And Eri can imagine it, across Shiki's back, representing everyone and everything that she cares about. And she knows that Shiki wouldn't be embarrassed to have a tattoo of the first stuffed animal she ever made on her skin near permanently.
And she thinks that's wonderful.
