Chapter 13

Focus

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Shonda Rhimes (I hope I'm not mistaken)

Background: Starts from the beginning of season 1 with their first meeting at the bar. AU from there. Derek is looking for a fresh start, one-night stands and mostly- oblivion from his carefully built life back home. Meredith is a virgin but still hotheaded and stubborn to no end. When her one-night-stand attempt ends up her boss, she's mortified. Still, not as mortified as overhearing him talk to another attending asking him is she was frigid and Derek agreeing with him. Now he's determined to forget about her, and she will do anything to prove his words wrong. None of them expected to fall for each other in the process.

Most of the regular characters will be there, though I may give them slightly different stories. Christina is with Owen from the start, I was never much into Burke. Lots of drama because writing is my way to vent.

1.

'Hold onto me.' His voice was husky and raspy, the way it got when he wanted her.

It drove her insane, her stomach twisting in knots, unsure of what that would mean. She wrapped her hands around his neck, her bare chest pressing over his as he embraced her waist. She wrapped her legs around him instinctively to keep their balance.

They'd swam half-naked and made out in the water like kids. Now she was pressed against him, wet and naked, and her breasts were soft like silk, and he ached to touch more. Just the way she looked at him, innocent and curious and excited drove him half-insane. But when she'd embraced his neck, her hands shook and her jaw tightened in stress, even if she didn't notice. She had felt him, hard and excited and wrapped around her almost naked body in the water, his skin hot in contrast with the cool water around them. It made her ache in completely unfamiliar way. But he didn't cross the line beyond kissing- fact she was both grateful and disappointed about.

When they finally got out of the water, Meredith's heart was making somersaults and her face was red- mostly due to Derek's scratchy face, as he's not had time to shave since she'd been there. He sat on the ground in his boxers and nothing else, watching her frantically trying to look around to get her clothes. It's not like he hadn't seen her in the water, or before... there was just something insanely vulnerable about staying on the lake shore only in her undies, dripping wet, with her face red and happy from kissing him. Her heart kept thumping like crazy and she took a rather short breath, her stomach in tight knots of fear and excitement.

'Come sit with me for a minute' Derek tapped on the ground between his legs, his eyes deep blue and clear.

She gave him a questioning look.

'Come on. Five minutes more won't hurt us.'

'Can't argue with that...' She kept looking around.

'What are you doing?'

Her chest was rising and falling a little faster now. 'Pants. I need to find my pants.'

'I'll keep you warm.'

She chuckled, her hair blowing in curls in the wind, but there was something stone-cold under that chuckle.

'You okay?'

'Pants.' He saw now that her pupils had become huge and dazed, and her chest was rising and falling faster.

'Right next to you, sweetheart.' He nodded and following his gaze, she finally saw the bundle of clothes on the ground and put her pants on. Finally, she sat on the ground between his knees, and she felt him surround her in a warm hug. He felt her body relax and her head rested on his chest. He enveloped her in his arms, and kissed her wet locks, breathing in her scent.

'What was that?' He whispered finally, and he felt her tense. 'No, don't, Meredith. You're safe. Please.'

She took a constrained breath, calculating whether to retreat or let him in. She felt him kiss her temple and closed her eyes, rejecting the burning sensation underneath them.

'It's dumb.' She shook her head.

'Do you trust me?'

She smiled, and opened her eyes, blinking away the tears, and her feelings with that. 'After what we just did, what do you think?'

'So tell me.'

'Okay, but you can't laugh.' Her bottom lip trembled at the last word and she felt his arms rub her forearms soothingly.

'Okay.'

'I'm not great with wearing skirts. Or dresses. Or uhm... just I need to wear...I need my legs covered.' She took a sharp breath, shaking away the memory of hands, pushing her skirt up and holding her down with her face pressed in the couch.

His arms tightened a bit, realising what she meant. The idea of hunting those sons of bi***s down and making them pay for what they did to her, still appealed to him. 'But when we met, and the other night in the club...'

She shook her head. 'Drunk. Both times. Also, the second dress was Izzie's, I only have one, for occasions when I need it, no matter how I feel- like our first intern welcome event.'

'I see.' He stopped, calculating his words. She felt ashamed when he didn't say anything else, letting her own feelings override the situation.

'You must think...'

'Mer- I don't think anything. It's your right to wear whatever you choose. I just hate that you're still afraid. It makes me so angry.'

She froze uncertainly, so he clarified. 'I'm not angry at you. Jesus.' He ran one hand through his unruly hair. 'I'm mad for you. I hate them, FOR you! I hate that they still affect you like this.' She relaxed and snuggled into his chest again, wanting to stop time. He hugged her tightly, not wanting to move either, soothing her wet curls and keeping her in a warm (albeit wet) hug.

'You make me feel safe.' She whispered, and he kissed her forehead, and kept hugging her for a while. He'd never felt so confused, yet so calm and at home, at peace, as he did with her.

He realised he trusted her, too, and he thought he had lost that ability. He'd felt bitter and jaded until recently- he still did sometimes- but her innocence, even with everything she'd been through, it made him see the world in a different way. It made him want to be better, for her. To protect her, to discover everything again with her. To see her relax like this more often.

2.

They were late. Of course, her being late was worse, because she was an intern. They shared a look and then she ran out of his car and into the hospital, straight to the changing room. Her heart almost stopped when she saw Bailey, waiting for her. There was no one else there.

'Do I look like your kindergarten teacher, Grey?'

'No, Dr. Bailey.' And yet, she had frozen in place, looking ashamed at her shoes, exactly feeling like a child.

'Then explain to me why I have to have magical abilities to track you down. This is a hospital, people are dying and needing surgeries and rounds and having emergencies and you need to be here when your shift starts. If it's at 5:30, that means 5:30. If it's at 8AM, that means 8am, not 8:05, not 8;15, not 8:55.'

'Yes, Dr. Bailey.' It was hard to even get a word in, and suddenly the shame crushed her. She's allowed herself to be weak, and that was unacceptable. She'd known that lesson. She'd allowed herself to forget, but she couldn't anymore.

'And when you're sick or need time off it means being an adult, and calling me yourself. If you're going to be out partying and doing god knows what with attendings, I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to know about it. Nobody gave me any special favours when I was an intern. We worked 'til we dropped and we earned our surgeries. We didn't rely on famous mothers and sleeping with the attendings, am I clear?'

Meredith nodded, her face red.

'I saw you're a Grey, but I told myself I'll give you a shot, okay. And you're smart, I saw that too. So, stop acting dumb and chasing like a lovesick schoolgirl after men and get your da*n head in the game. You miss a day, you want to change shifts, your stomach's feeling funny, your head is hurting, I don't care, you show up, and you show up on time. You cover every shift you can, you study your a** off any free minute you have, you cover the pit, you take notes, you go where you're told to go, you work with the interns and attendings you're told to work with, and you manage your time like an adult. I want you here on time, I want you prepared, and if you miss another day, then your a** is out of my program, are we clear? Grey?'

'Yes, m- Yes Dr. Bailey.'

'Great. And you should have already known this. I should have to lecture you. So grow up and do your job. You're in cardio in 2705, Cristina is already there, get her to fill you in. Feeling healthy enough to do your job now?'

'Yes, Dr. Bailey.'

'Then stop staring at me and go help patients. Go go go!'

Meredith stumbled out half running with her face red and trying to get her hair in a ponytail as she was running out. Bailey looked after her, hoping she'd managed to scare her straight. She saw a lot of potential in Meredith, but she knew how easy it was for interns to drop out. A wrong relationship, things getting too intense, changing specialties, family situations... she knew by the end of their intern years only a handful would make it, and after Meredith missed another day, she knew it was time to remind her that the chance she was given wasn't a gift. It was earned, and you had to continue earning it- or else how could you be trusted to be alone in an OR with patients on the operating table?

She had to be able to trust the people she trained as if they were her own hands. And even more, she needed them to be strong and confident enough to trust themselves, which only came with discipline, knowledge and experience. And if they couldn't handle that, then they weren't really meant to be surgeons at all.

She hoped to God she was not wrong about Grey.

3.

'Where were you?'

'What? We need to get those labs' She and Cristina were waiting for the elevator to get down to the lab.

'Where have you been the last 2 days? Day drinking and personal days, and being sick and-'

'Cristina!' Meredith shushed her as they got in the elevator. Cristina had been entirely professional while they were with the patient, but the moment they went out of the room to go to the lab, she'd started grilling her. Thankfully the other people got out of it and soon it was just the two of them. She almost relaxed, right before Cristina pulled the red button and the elevator stopped with a screeching sound.

'George and Izzie have been blowing up your phone. You went through people's purses looking for alcohol and then you just disappear for 2 days? And then we have to hear from Bailey that you're sick, which makes no freakin' sense, cause we have all been at your home and you have not been there. Are you that fallen for that attending? I'm sure he's a fantastic lay, but Meredith, people are dropping out of this program every day. Last year, only 2 people from the previous class made it. And if you make me be the last one out with Evil Spawn or George or someone else, I swear to God...'

'You're not religious...' mentioned Meredith, tired of being yelled at. 'And since when are you lecturing me not to sleep with someone?'

Cristina rolled your eyes. 'Well then, don't make me. You're the only one-me excluded- that I see as much potential in here.'

'Aw.' Meredith gave her a side hug and retreated when Cristina gave her a freezing look. 'O-kay. Not a hugger, I know.'

'All I'm saying is, I don't care how dreamy he is or whatever, maybe for a while just close your knees and get to work on time?'

Meredith gave her a horrified look. 'Seriously?'

Cristina nodded. 'Yeah, seriously. Yeah, I get the attending appeal, trust me. But my orgasms don't stop me from being on time.'

'So I can keep my knees open if I'm on time for my shift?' Meredith clarified with a giggle.

'Precisely.' Cristina was so serious, that Meredith's laugh died down. 'And answer your d**n phone.'

'Cristina, please, you have nothing to worry about. This is not happening again.' As long as it keeps me from having people lecturing me... thought Meredith in her mind. 'Besides, Bailey already lectured me, so you can save it, thanks.'

'Then don't make me have to. There is a new intern transfer. Do you really want to be replaced so fast?'

'Wait, what? Who? Couldn't you start with that?'

'Well, you would know, if you picked up your phone every once in a while.'

'Cris!'

'Fine. I don't know, his name is Adams, he's on neuro today...'

'Adams what, what is his first name?'

'I don't know. You know I don't care about that kind of stuff... besides, just do your job and I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.'

'Cristina!' Meredith almost hissed the last word at her, her face suddenly a bit pale.

' Fine, okay. I don't know much, just that he was matched here and in Chicago, but he was homesick or something idiotic, so he transferred back here.'

'He's from here?'

'Yes. Mer, we just had the talk about concentrating on work.'

'Yes. Yes. So let's get those labs going.'

Meredith started the elevator again, feeling dread spreading through her stomach. It couldn't be him, right? Adams was a popular last name. And none of them besides her had shown interest in anything remotely close to medicine when she was in high school... Not that she'd hung out much with anyone in the last year...

A shadow spread across her face as she left the elevator and continued her shift.

She couldn't ask Cristina again, so she wouldn't find out, not yet.

But somewhere in this building... No, don't be paranoid Mer. Eyes on the price. Do your job, study, take notes, be on time.

Everything will be fine.