Chapter 32: Bound
She is standing at the door.
The realization woke Jas out of a doze. He had just settled into one of the Knightfire's small guest cabins.
It served its purpose, especially since he had offered Val the main, where he usually slept when he was aboard ship. She had tried to refuse, but he hadn't allowed it. There was no reason why she shouldn't enjoy some comfort, after everything she had been through this year, he didn't see a problem with that.
It had been the right thing to do.
They were still a few hours from Coruscant. The ship's computer was monitoring their progress, and their droid guest. CC-61T was currently powered down in the lounge, powered down, and recharging, using one of the portable generators that Jas kept on board for emergencies.
The droid could have interfaced with the ship and recharged that way, but Jas wouldn't allow it. He had no idea how good at computer slicing their new guest might be. He had no desire to risk the droid introducing a virus or some independence program into the Knightfire's system.
No, he recognized the need for caution, their new guest might have agreed to aid them, but had not yet earned their trust, that could only come with actions and time.
Jas was curious to see how this new relationship would play out.
Having dealt with the droid, and their mission, the group had settled in for their flight back to Coruscant. Val had retired to the captain's quarters while Jas had remained on the bridge. Before leaving, he had spent some time scanning Republic security channels, looking for any updates that might suggest that they were being sought or pursued. So far, nothing had turned up, which should not have been a surprise.
He had masked Knightfire's signature before they had left Coruscant. His gunship was unique, but not uncommon, there were enough of them flying across the galaxy to prevent any hard target search for it, and besides, Kahvult security had bigger problems to worry about. A droid syndicate had infiltrated their security systems. They would no doubt spend time trying to find out what had caused their defense droids to malfunction, and when they did that, they would likely discover the changes that the Combine had made to their machines.
That would tie things up more on Kahvult than anything that Jas and Val had done. Knowing that, it was safe to assume that they had made good their escape.
Satisfied with how things had played out, Jas retired to quarters, to try and get some rest. The ship was monitoring both their journey, and their new droid guest, it was programmed to alert him should anything strange come up.
He had only just begun to settle in for a nap when he sensed Val's presence.
What was this about now, he wondered.
He could sense the protector's emotions they were all over the place.
It left him curious to be sure.
Confusion, self-consciousness, anxiety, they all filled the connection he and Val shared. Yet, that is not what concerned him the most.
In truth, he had nearly been asleep, slipping down into the nothingness of true rest, when he had been struck by a sense of shock, it had hit him like a fist, erasing any chance of slipping back into the peace of his dreams.
He had been left breathless, he lay in the bunk, heart pounding, his Jedi calming techniques aiding him.
He had taken a deep breath and focused, recognizing what had happened.
It had come from his connection with Val, but it had passed quickly, reaching out himself, he felt nothing amiss, a moment of surprise that had faded to nothing.
I'll ask her about it in the morning, he thought, perhaps she dropped something, or something on the ship had shifted and startled her.
That probably would have been the end of it, but now he could sense her outside his cabin, sense her desire to speak, but at the same time…a sense of trepidation.
Jas frowned.
Val had nothing to fear from him, if something was bothering her, they could face it together.
He had her back…always.
She was just outside the door of his cabin; he could feel it. Yet, for some reason, she could not bring herself to knock. She hesitated each time, her hand raised, about to knock, and she stopped, her voice failing her as she considered calling his name.
She wanted to talk to him, perhaps, even NEEDED to, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, something stopping her each time.
He didn't understand.
Val was one of the strongest people he knew. She had no reason to fear speaking with him. He would never harm or hurt her intentionally.
His eyes narrowed.
He couldn't just leave her like this.
He decided to force the issue.
He reached out with his powers, and triggered the door.
Val yelped with surprise.
"HEEEY!" she called out.
Jas tried not to laugh or smile. It was amusing but…
No, he would not provoke her, he wanted to help her.
He ignored her reaction and gestured her forward.
"Hello Val," he said in a calm even voice.
"You can come in if you like."
She quickly regained her composure, but still some of the nervousness he sensed remained.
"Um…hey, Jas," she began.
"Mind if I join you?"
The fact that she may not have heard his initial invitation didn't bother him.
He sat up in his bunk and smiled.
"I remember those words. You spoke them along time ago, back in the Folly's mess hall, on our way to Alderaan."
The mention of that night, THEIR night, had an effect on Val.
The protector grinned.
"I remember that night. I still remember it…fondly."
Jas nodded.
"As do I."
"Any regrets?" she asked him.
"If any, the fact that it only happened that ONE time."
His comment made her smile.
He felt some of the tension go out of the Force.
Val took a deep breath. Speaking of what came before seemed to give her courage, or perhaps reminded her that she had no reason to fear him.
She stepped into his cabin without any further resistance.
She had rid herself of the Kuati Telbun disguise, changing back into the light shirt and leggings she had worn when they first left Coruscant. She wore no weapon that he could see, a sign of her trust.
Of course, he knew that was not entirely true, Val didn't need a weapon if she needed to defend herself, her hands and feet were as lethal as any blaster, and with the enhancements she had received, they were even more dangerous.
She padded across the chamber in her bare feet, and sat down on the side of his bed.
"That seems like a life time ago," she said, "That night, what happened, things seemed so much simpler then. I had a little girl to protect, my queen's daughter, that mission made sense. Everything seemed to make sense."
"Not much has changed," he shrugged, "You still have your mission and duty; you serve your queen well, no one can deny that."
Val sighed.
"The mission, my duty, those are what I've tried to live for these last eight years. It was easy sometimes, but…now…everything else seems to be getting in the way. I…"
She cursed under her breath.
"I'm getting in the way of doing my own damn job."
Her anger rippled out, an anger bordering on self-loathing.
He reached out with the Force trying to calm her.
"You have no reason to be…"
"Angry at myself," she interrupted, turning to face him.
"That was what you were going to say, yeah?"
He nodded, a nod that she returned.
Again, their connection, their link through the Force coming into play.
They knew each other so well.
Again, she sighed, it was then that he realized she was holding something, a small holo player. A player that she could barely bring herself to look at.
"It was easier on Bantoon," she murmured, "Easier before I fled, before you came into my life. I…I had flings back then, felt attraction, but they were always nothing, ships passing in the stars. I moved on so quickly, and was perfectly content in doing so.
She sat the player down on his nightstand activating it, before taking her hand away, before hugging herself, struggling with her own pain and self-loathing.
"This didn't help," she murmured, refusing to meet his gaze.
The small holo turned on, revealing the figure of Vess, dressed as she had been when they had left for Kahvult. A recording likely made that very day.
Jas watched…curious.
He quickly understood what was going on.
"Hello, Val," the holo began, "If you are watching this, then I know you are finally willing to accept how much has changed, and how much things must continue to change if we are to go forward. I am aware that you were the one who first approached Jas on my behalf, encouraged him to truly engage with me, and…for that, I'm eternally grateful and in your debt."
The girl smiled shyly, and looked away, seeing that look made Jas smile, he was so fond of her now, the young woman who had opened her heart to him.
Vess sighed.
"Seeing us together, it is not easy for you; I know. Given what happened between you. I want you to know that I understand. I feel no anger or jealousy. I…I don't wish for you to be in pain, Val. I love you, you have been both guardian, advisor, and at times, like a mother to me. As much as Aunt Dorma, you have watched over me. You have protected me for years, and do not deserve to be in pain. At the same time, I know that Jas loves you, an affection, both from what happened, and because he respects you, and what you have chosen on my behalf."
The young queen shook her head.
"I have considered this…state of affairs. I don't consider it a problem. We both love you, Jas and I, and want what is best for you. It is for this reason, that I made this decision, and wish for you to understand why things must be this way."
Jas' eyes narrowed.
Uh oh.
He didn't really like the sound of that, or maybe, Val did, and what she was feeling was bleeding over through their connection.
She continued to not meet his gaze.
The message played on.
"You are going to try and deny what I'm saying, I beg you, please don't. I have come to this decision, and feel it is the right one, both politically, and personally, for both of us. You are my sword and shield, Val, but you are also a person. I understand, and accept that. What happened between you and Jas, the bond you share. I can't deny its existence, I saw it when he and I were together, and in your eyes as you have watched over us. I understand. You have desires of your own, and must try to balance them with your service to me. I know that it is not easy, so…I have come up with a compromise of sorts."
Val clenched her fists. She didn't like to show weakness, having her young charge see one, it galled her to no end.
Vess continued to speak.
"This is not an order, so do not see it as such. It is permission. I STRESS that point. This. Is. Permission. Given your situation, I think it is the right call, and safest for my house and family. Knowing YOUR situation, I feel this will work out best for everyone.
The future queen took a deep breath, Jas could see that she had not made this choice lightly, or easily. Though she put on a brave face, and even smiled.
"If Jas agrees, and you decide that it is what you want. You have my permission to become his FIRST companion. I know your first reaction will be shock, and seek to deny this offer, but again, I beg you to think hard on this. I know, given what you are, that there are things that you cannot have in this life. I would help lift that burden, by allowing you to share your time with someone who both loves you, and you care for in return. At the same time, it is safer for the Istillo family, it will keep our wants and desires in house, and in this time where unity is key. I feel this is the best possible solution to what you are feeling, Val, and I hope that it helps minimize any pain or loneliness that you must be feeling."
Vess shrugged.
"I leave this final decision to you, my protector, the one who has always had my back, one that I love as I love my Aunt Dorma, and her family. Know this, you ARE my family. You may tell Jas about this if you desire, or you may choose to remain as you have. I will not take that away from you, not if that is what you decide. In closing, Val, whatever you want, whatever you decide is best for you; that choice…is yours."
The message ended. Vessaria's image vanished.
Val still sat on the side of his bed, hugging herself, refusing to meet his gaze.
Jas looked up at her.
"I'm not sure I understand. First companion, what does that mean exactly? I don't remember hearing the term in my research into your world."
"It is not something that is discussed openly." Val answered, "It is a term mostly used in noble circles."
"So, what is it mean?" he inquired.
She took a shuddering breath.
"Do…do I really have to spell it out?"
"Please."
She still refused to look at him. He might have been wrong, but it looked like she might have been blushing.
"It…it means that I am…that we are…that we…well…you know."
Jas blinked, he might have been slow on something about cultures on other worlds, but it was not hard to grasp what she was saying.
"Ah," he said, "So I see."
She looked up at him then. Her green eyes angry.
"'Ah…I see," is that all you have to say?"
"Do I really need to say more. It seems pretty straight forward, actually."
Val let out a bark of a laugh and looked away.
She wasn't angry…not really, it felt like she was more flustered than anything else, annoyed that they were having this conversation.
"This "First Companion" thing, is it normal?" he asked.
"In noble circles, it is," Val replied, "It is not unheard of for a highborn to take a companion. Vess' father had one, HIS sworn protector, Nicolene."
"Is Vess aware of that?"
"She knew. His lordship didn't hide his affection. She just saw Nikki as her father's friend and protector. As for Queen Annara, it was a situation she preferred. If her husband was to have a companion, she preferred it to be one who kept the family secrets within house. She was comfortable in knowing that the protector's oath, and our genetic modification didn't interfere with either her family, or the succession."
Jas nodded.
"That makes sense."
Val gave him an icy look.
"Is that all you can say, Not a Jedi?"
He shrugged.
"What do you expect me to say?"
"You can tell me that you think this is a bad idea! You can say that Vess doesn't know what she is saying, and that we shouldn't even consider this. You should say…"
She fell silent, again, refusing to meet his gaze.
"What was she thinking? Why…why did she even think to offer this?"
"Vess has her reasons, I'm sure," he answered, "I can see why she would do this from a political standpoint, it does make sense, as you said with Vess' father."
He leaned back against the wall, now understanding what was bothering her, and what caused the sense of shock he felt earlier. This message, the permission that was given, it bothered Val.
He needed to help her, but that wasn't really his call. This was HER choice, and he would honor any decision that she made.
"What do you want to do, Val?
Again, she refused to look at him. She took a shuddering breath. Part of him wanted to reach out to her, take her in his arms and comfort her, but that would not help here, in fact, she would likely be angry with him if he did, thinking he was trying to sway her decision.
When she did finally speak, it was barely a whisper, he had to use the Force to hear it.
"You've changed."
"How so?" he asked.
She finally looked up at him.
"Once, you would have been blushing and stammering at having this conversation with me. You were so uncomfortable about this kind of talk."
He acknowledged that, before finishing his business with the Sunset Collective, he had been fighting a war with his emotions, his desires as a man, and his training as a Jedi had often had him in conflict.
After the collective, after Vess, that all had changed.
"You seem so in control now," she continued, "Confident."
"I merely try to accept things as they are," he responded, "The Force has a plan, and I'm willing to follow the path it sets. All things are bound up in the living Force, even the choices I make. I can't force things to go as I think they will go. The galaxy spins on as it always has, I'm simply…"
"Walking the path," they said in unison.
Val chuckled, a sad sound.
She looked up at him.
"Vess mentioned that we have situation between us. She mentioned a bond. What did she mean by that?"
Jas sighed.
And there it was, the moment he had known was coming, and that he had been partially dreading.
He could no longer deny it, the time had come for the truth.
Val…deserved it.
He took another deep breath, and told her everything, the moment she tried to kill herself, him using the Force to stop her, and the realization years later that it had created a connection between them. A connection that had only solidified with time…
…a connection he had no idea how to break, and even if he did, feared it was beyond his ability to do so.
Val listened; she didn't say a word. Her expression remained neutral despite what Jas was telling her.
He wasn't sure what to make of that. Surely, Val would feel violated by what had happened, unintentional or not, he had entered her mind, and bound her to him in a very personal way.
It had been cowardly of him not to say anything about it before now. He could only hope that she would forgive him, and not see him as a monster. Though he wouldn't blame her if she did.
What he had done to her was unforgivable, unintentional or not.
Char Valenthyne sat there silently as he finished. He awaited the anger, the explosion that he felt he deserved.
"So that is it then?" she said in a tiny voice.
"That is all of it," he said hanging his head, "I'm sorry that I did you harm without knowing a way to undo it, and…I would not blame you for hating me for what happened. I…I was only trying to help, and…I should…could have…"
Val looked at him, her green eyes shining in the darkness.
"Why would I hate you?" she asked.
"Because I inflicted this bond on you, you have every right to be angry."
Val sniffed at that.
"Maybe I should be angry, if you had told me about this, if you had known shortly after having done it, I WOULD have been furious, and demanded that you undo it, but now…now…"
"I SHOULD be dead. After Annara died, the system demanded that I kill myself. I would have left Vess alone, an eleven-year-old girl with only that traitor Alric to protect her."
She smiled slightly.
"You stopped that. YOU kept me alive. The life I've had since that moment, it should never have happened. Who knows what would have happened to Vess if I had not been there."
"I would have tried to help her," Jas reminded her.
"I know, and that is why I can't be angry with you. Since the moment that Vess woke me up in the Folly's med bay. You have protected her; you have protected me."
Val smirked.
"You know, a lesser man would have taken advantage of our…connection. You could have done whatever you wanted to me, and all I would have been able to do was endure. You could have taken whatever you wanted, without consequence."
"I'm not like that," he said flatly, "You KNOW that."
"Yeah," Val agreed, "And that is why I first CHOSE you, Hotshot. You actually care about us, Vess and me, both."
Val's smirk turned into a genuine smile.
"You are loyal to us, and you will be loyal to Vess. If you become her husband, you will do all that is asked of you. No one can deny that."
Now, he did smile, he still felt a bit guilty, but Val…she seemed to accept what had happened.
"We can still speak to, Master Vey," he offered, "She has friends among the Council of First Knowledge, they may know a way to free you from your link to me."
The Protector shook her head.
"That is a kind offer, Jas, but it is unnecessary. I'm used to being bound to my mistress, being bound to you, as well. I don't see that as a major problem."
She laughed lightly.
"It is not like you are some cruel Murglak, who enjoys the pain of others. We've…we have come this far together. I have no problem continuing on this path."
He nodded, but inside, part of him wanted to cheer. This had been a heavy weight on his mind, now that everything had been said, he felt…liberated in a way.
That being said…
"So, what are you going to do about Vess' offer?"
"Should I take your advice on this, Hotshot?" she asked playfully, "It is not like you don't have a stake in this?"
The attention of two beautiful women, Jas thought, yes, he could see the appeal, but this wasn't about him.
"I won't deny that I wouldn't mind if you said, yes, but this is not about me. All I want is for you to be happy."
"Or at least," she said, "Content in my duties."
He shook his head.
"No, happy, contentment is not enough. If you need me to comfort you. I'll be there. Eventually, if you find someone new, someone that makes you happy. I will NOT interfere. I will treasure our past together, but I will not stand in your way."
"And you won't be jealous of this…possible future person?"
"I didn't say that," he admitted, "But I will accept the fact that you chose it, and besides, it is not like I will be alone. Vess will be at my side."
Val nodded.
"I still can't believe she offered this. It seems…it…it is a lot. I know how she feels about you."
"I care about her too," he admitted, "I will do what ever I can to make sure that this doesn't become too awkward. I will be kind, but…I will also be discreet, if you choose this path, of course."
Val smirked and rose from the bed, she made for the door, but paused right before it, not opening it.
"I thought the Jedi way was all about non-attachment. That you didn't like to get involved, feared to do so."
Jas shrugged.
"That is what we are taught. Strangely enough, I'm, starting to doubt the wisdom in it. To deny something so completely, to let it become unknown, it leaves you unprepared to deal with it when it comes. Desire…it is part of being alive, and what is the Force if it is not about life. Passion can lead to rage and fear, but…if you understand that, with that understanding, that maturity, you can learn to face those emotions, and let them pass. I will not strike someone down in a blind rage, no matter what they say or do. If Vess was to say that she didn't want me tomorrow; that, for the good of her kingdom, and people, she had chosen someone else. I would be pained, but I would accept it for the best. I'm still not sure that she couldn't do better than me."
"You would let her go? For her good, and for her people?"
"I would."
Val nodded, she accepted what he had said, and through their connection, no doubt, knew that he wasn't lying.
She shook her head.
"You are a good man, Hotshot. The Jedi are wrong to look at you as some kind of outsider."
"I'm not their kind of Jedi, but it doesn't change what I am. They could take my lightsaber tomorrow, and I would still follow the will of the Force. I WILL remain a Jedi, because that is what I am. It is WHO I am."
Val nodded.
"The Jedi thing is useful," she agreed, "But…I think I like the man more."
"I can only be, what I am."
She nodded.
She had nothing else to say.
There was nothing else left to say.
He felt it in that moment, heat, need, and desire.
There was truly nothing left to say.
Val acted.
She turned from the door, and pushed Jas down into his bunk. He didn't resist when she wrapped her arms around his neck; kissing him fiercely.
He responded in kind, enjoying the heat of the moment; the fire through their connection.
Heat and relief, a relief he had not felt in almost a decade.
Val…had found her release, and there was more.
No pain, he realized with a smile.
The last time they had kissed like this, Val had been in agony, the system punishing her.
He moved his hands over her body, pulling her shirt over her head and off, he did this as she slid out of her leggings.
Vess' permission had worked it seemed.
Val cried out his name as they began, as they moved together, and as he kissed and nibbled down her neck and shoulder.
Years of denial, finally had come to an end.
For those few brief moments, they were the only two people in the galaxy, Val seeking comfort in his arms.
In a few hours, they would reach Coruscant, the message stored in the droid would put them on the next step of their journey, but in that moment there nothing more; just two people bound through affection and the Force.
Val cried out, losing herself in her pleasure. Jas picked up the pace, knowing what she liked, and most eager to give it to her.
Tonight, they would reforge their connection, or rather embrace a new one.
Bound in life.
Bound…in the Force.
