Bitter
Chapter 13
Mike knew a baby was a definite possibility considering his lapse in judgement before he left for Asia. He didn't mind having another baby, he just wished it wasn't with Christine, but he had a responsibility to her, more so than before and he would make sure she was taken care of and of course; the child she was carrying. He was even getting excited at the prospect of having a boy again; which felt like he was replacing Lucas.
More than anything; guilt and regret steered him. Guilt because he felt he was replacing Lucas. Regret for how he had treated his kids, and that he had gotten Christine pregnant. Guilt because he had created false hope for Christine and was abandoning all hope of ever finding Michelle again. It was confusing and at times, consuming.
Once they got back to St. Louis, he was busy with work and Christine and the kids. He went to the baby appointments with her and tried to be excited. Katie was also not feeling well and the doctor was monitoring her kidney levels. Christine was worried about her and Mike was trying to insulate himself in fear of losing Katie. His version of insulating himself was not paying attention to Katie or spending time with her. He knew it was stupid and Katie didn't understand, but to him; it made sense. If he acted like he stopped caring, when he did lose her; it would be easier for him.
Before he realized it; the months went by and Christine went into labor. Mike was glad he could be there when Liam was born and could hold him. Christine had had a rough delivery and had nearly bled out before they were able to get it stopped. Mike had given her a blood donation, reminding him too much of Takehaya's camp. Of course; he was still struggling with the fact that it was Christine that he was sharing a baby with, but he needed her to care for Katie, Hannah and Liam. Two days later, when he finally was able to get Liam and Christine home; he smiled at the way Liam stretched out in his bassinet. Christine was leaned against the headboard and smiled as well.
"He is not a fan of his swaddles." Christine remarked.
"I think he's kind of hot-natured." Mike said.
"So, Kara told me that she was being shipped out to Rota. I figure you will have to leave soon too." Christine remarked.
"It depends on this famine. Its getting pretty serious. There's some talk of the Nathan James going to investigate it." Mike answered.
"I have the cold room absolutely full of canned items. Both deep freezes are full too." Christine said.
"Good. Just keep that between you and me. If you need to start feeding Liam with formula, it might be a wise idea to start stockpiling it too." Mike said.
"I'm going to try and nurse him as long as possible." Christine told him.
"And if they will let you do it; stockpile Katie's medications." Mike said.
"Didn't think you cared about her." Christine remarked with an arched eyebrow.
"Just make sure you have what you need for her." Mike said as he settled into bed with her.
"Mike; I know what you are doing. You are distancing yourself so if she dies; it won't hurt as badly. Only; it will. You will be filled with pain and regret, much like you are now with Lucas. You should be spending every minute you can with her. She doesn't expect a lot and she will be happy with anything you offer but you are only hurting yourself." Christine said.
"I don't want to talk about it. Go to sleep, please." Mike begged. Instead of saying anything; Christine reached over and kissed his cheek before shutting her light off.
"Just think about it, Mike. Katie loves you and I know how much you love her. If you didn't; you wouldn't care about her medicine." Christine remarked a moment later. Mike didn't say anything in response, hoping she would think he was sleeping.
