Although Frostmask of course couldn't tell Sedgestar about her meeting with Paledusk, it wasn't difficult for her to convince him to prepare ShadowClan for potential threats— just in case. In the couple of days since her meeting with the SkyClan deputy, Frostmask had already increased the number of patrols on the borders with WindClan and ThunderClan, and the warriors who weren't hunting or patrolling had been ordered to spend their time brushing up on their battle training.
She may not be able to tell her clan-mates about Paledusk's warning, but she would absolutely make sure that they would be ready to face it, if his premonition did come to pass.
But, despite all the ShadowClan cats scurrying around their territory like a disturbed hive of bees, as the mid-morning sun crept higher into the sky, Frostmask found herself still in camp. Although, her paws remained as busy as anyone else's as she wove additional thorn tendrils into the camp's wall.
Darkpelt, Rowanheart, and Yewstorm were helping her out. While Rowanheart and Yewstorm worked together, Frostmask had been paired up with Darkpelt. She caught only glimpses of the elder's black coat through the dense thorn wall as he pushed thorny sticks and stems from the outside of the camp in towards her, allowing her to weave them into the gaps on the inside as he bulked up the outer.
"Here's another," Darkpelt rumbled.
Frostmask blinked as a thorny tendril poked out of the bushes only a mouse-length away from her muzzle. She gingerly took the stem into her mouth, avoiding the thorns.
"Got it," she mumbled around the plant.
Darkpelt released his end, and Frostmask got to work weaving it around the other stems, filling up any gaps that were big enough to rival her head in size. Frostmask had just finished with that stem when a flash of auburn fur in the corner of her eye caught her attention. She glanced over to see that Autumnleap had just emerged from the nursery, his reddish pelt gleaming in the sunlight. He yawned widely, his body pitching forward as he stretched each of his hind-legs out from behind him one at a time.
Frostmask's belly flipped with nerves, and she glanced away from him, back to the thorn wall, before he could look around and notice her watching him.
Paledusk's words about Autumnleap had dug deep into her mind since their meeting like a stubborn tick that, no matter what she did, she couldn't pull off. They had plagued her thoughts everyday since then, and no matter how many times she turned them over and over in her mind, she couldn't discard them. But, she also couldn't find any good solution.
Frankly, it terrified her.
She wanted so desperately to convince herself that Paledusk was wrong, that Autumnleap wouldn't cast her aside if he knew the truth about her. Or, if she couldn't convince herself of that, she'd at least like to forget that this conversation with Paledusk had ever happened— just bury it in the depths of her mind with her other doubts and leave them all there in the darkness as she went on, doing other, more important things, and pretending like they didn't even exist at all.
Frostmask lashed her tail once in frustration. Why couldn't the solution be that simple? She'd been ignoring them perfectly fine before she spoke with Paledusk! Why did he have to say something about it, and ruin her perfectly good delusion?!
But, that's just it, the vicious doubts whispered in her mind. That's all that it's ever been with Autumnleap— a delusion. You don't seriously think that it could be anything else, right? His devotion to you? This 'perfect little family' you have now with Mistkit and Newtkit? It's all built on a fabrication. He doesn't even know who you truly are or what you've done. If he did, why would he still love you?
Frostmask shook her ears, trying to knock the horrible thoughts away.
He loves Mistkit and Newtkit even though they weren't born in ShadowClan!
This isn't about being non-clan born, the voice argued back. This is about Paledusk, and SkyClan, and lying. You're just a coward. A pathetic little rogue coward who would rather lie to her mate, and her friends, and her clan than deal with anything difficult.
Frostmask ground her teeth together, her heart clenching in pain and guilt. She wanted to wail, but she just inhaled and exhaled a deep breath instead, reminding herself that she was sitting in camp, too surrounded by her clan-mates to break down. As Frostmask breathed in deeply again, she did her best to squash down that terrible part of her mind and to think rationally, despite the maelstrom of emotions that still raged inside her.
But, is there anything I can do to fix this?! The only way to change things is to tell him the truth, but if I tell him the truth, then he might not want anything do with me! That would be the worst thing that could ever happen!
Worse than this? another part of her mind responded, although this reply was much gentler than the ones before. Worse than knowing that you're living a lie? Than knowing that your family could be built on a lie?
Frostmask's ears flattened down as icy resignation settled in the pit of her stomach.
There was no more escaping this, was there? If she couldn't ignore it any longer, then there was nothing left to do but to face it… Nothing left to do but to tell him.
Frostmask swallowed hard. Her mouth was suddenly dry, but dread was making her paw-pads damp with perspiration.
Today might be the day that I ruin my life.
Frostmask closed her eyes, steeling herself. If she was going to do this, she might as well get it over with instead of dragging the pain on for even longer.
"Darkpelt, I'm going to out into the woods and get some more thorny branches. I won't be too long," she said.
Darkpelt acknowledged her with a muffled grunt as he continued working diligently on the barrier. Frostmask's gaze flickered back open, and she rose to her paws with all the reluctance of a cat knowingly entering into a doomed battle. Still, she tried to maintain a scrap of dignity, keeping her steps steady as she marched across camp over to Autumnleap.
"Oh, hey Frostmask," he purred as he noticed her approaching. "Dewleaf is nursing Mistkit and Newtkit right now, so I'm just taking a bit of a break… um… Are you okay?"
Autumnleap stared down at her with a furrowed brow, obviously picking up on her weird mood. He knew her too well for Frostmask to effectively hide her emotions from him. She knew that he'd noticed her acting withdrawn for the past couple of days too, although he hadn't pressed her on it too much so far.
Well, he'll know everything soon enough.
"Will you come gather more thorns with me?" Frostmask asked in a quiet, stiff voice. "I want to talk to you."
Autumnleap blinked, his amber eyes shining with concern.
"Of course," he said.
Frostmask just nodded and turned, leading him out of camp. They walked through the pines in silence for a while, Autumnleap trailing a footfall behind Frostmask as if he sensed some kind of heavy, dark fog swirling around her, and he didn't want to come too close to it. Frostmask wished that they could just pad on like that for forever, but there was no sense in delaying the inevitable anymore than she already had. Taking another deep breath, Frostmask came to a stop in a part of the woods that wasn't highly trafficked. She could hear Autumnleap's quiet footfalls slow and then pause from behind her as he waited for her.
Exhaling a shaky breath, Frostmask finally turned to look at him, and she found a choked sob-like noise suddenly rising in her throat.
"Oh! Frostmask, what's wrong?" Autumnleap asked, his eyes round as he took a worried step towards her.
He scanned her body with his gaze as if looking for physical injuries, but of course that wasn't the problem. Frostmask drew back from him a step, keeping some distance between them, and that just made the concern in Autumnleap's expression grow. But, he allowed her the space, a deep furrow in his brow.
Any dignity that Frostmask had been clinging to in her resignation had vanished, and now her powerful emotions were conquering her again, washing away everything and leaving only panic, guilt, and grief behind.
"What is it?" Autumnleap prompted again, his tone gentle.
"I—just—" Frostmask said, struggling to get the words out as she found herself suddenly hiccuping between gasps of air. "I—don't want—you—t-t-to—hate me."
Autumnleap stared at her with wide eyes.
"Why would I hate you, Frostmask?" His voice was as soft as if he was talking to a kit. "I could never hate you."
"Ev—even if I did something terrible?" Frostmask asked, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat.
Autumnleap lifted his brows.
"Did you kill Poolcloud?" Autumnleap asked.
Frostmask blinked hard, recoiling slightly at the absurdity of the question and the deeply unpleasant mental image it invoked.
"No! Of course not," Frostmask gasped.
"Pineshade?" Autumnleap prodded.
"That's horrible! Don't ever say that!" Frostmask said, glaring at him.
Autumnleap gave his head a shake, a quiet purr beginning to rumble in his throat.
"I'm just trying to make a point. Whatever you did can't be that bad." Autumnleap gazed at her with gentle eyes. "I know you, Frostmask. You're not capable of doing something truly 'terrible.'"
Frostmask blinked hard, her ears pinning back.
"…But what if you don't?" she asked, her voice barely above a breath.
Autumnleap blinked in confusion.
"What if I don't what?" he asked.
"What if you don't know me," Frostmask whispered, her eyes starting to glisten with despair.
Autumnleap shook his head.
"Don't be ridiculous. I've known you practically your whole life. How can I not know you?" he asked.
"I'm half-SkyClan," Frostmask blurted.
Silence filled the air for a moment. Frostmask stared at Autumnleap desperately, looking for fury or betrayal in his expression, but his eyes just widened in surprise.
"What? What do you mean?" he asked.
Dread dragged at Frostmask's belly. It was clear her declaration hadn't properly set in yet, but once it did, that was when the anger and suspicion would come. She didn't want to continue— didn't want to see the dawning realization creep across his face— but she couldn't take it back now either.
"My mother, May," Frostmask rasped, the words weighing down her tongue like a stone in her mouth, "she was a rogue. But, my father… He was a SkyClan cat… is a SkyClan cat."
Autumnleap blinked once, confusion and worry starting to mingle together in his amber eyes.
"Okay…" he said slowly. "Do you know who he is?"
Frostmask gave a tiny nod.
"The deputy. Paledusk," she said, her voice catching in her throat.
Autumnleap blinked hard a few times again, his eyelids fluttering. His throat bobbed as he swallowed.
"And, you…" he rasped. "And, do you… want to join SkyClan?"
"What? No!" Frostmask gasped, recoiling from him.
"You don't?" Autumnleap gasped, relief flooding his face.
"Of course not! I'm a ShadowClan cat!" Frostmask hissed, agony welling in her chest. "I'm loyal to ShadowClan, and I could never leave you or our kits!"
It was just as she feared— Autumnleap thought she would betray ShadowClan, just like Sedgestar did when he accused her, just like Swoopstrike did when she first became his apprentice.
Frostmask dug her claws into the ground, pain ripping razor-sharp claws in her insides. How would she manage to survive without Autumnleap?
"Well what did you expect me to think when you dragged me out here, being all weird and grave like… like someone died!" Autumnleap exclaimed, but he didn't sound all that angry, in fact, the predominant expression on his face was nothing but relief. "Great StarClan, Frostmask! Next time you need to tell me something that's not that serious, don't start the conversation with a bunch of preamble that makes me think something truly awful was happening!"
"'Not that serious?'" Frostmask echoed, blinking hard in stunned shock. "You're… you're not mad?"
"I'm a little annoyed that you nearly scared the pelt off of me," Autumnleap admitted with a huff, giving his fur a small shake. "But, mad at you for telling me that you're half-SkyClan? No."
"You're not?" Frostmask reiterated, her heart slowly starting to lighten.
Autumnleap gazed at her with confusion.
"Why would I be? Paledusk may have nearly killed me, but I can't blame you for anything he's done— you have no control over him. And, you're not leaving to join SkyClan, so it doesn't change anything, right?" he asked.
Frostmask's ears flattened back down against her head. This may be going better than expected so far, but Autumnleap still didn't know everything, or he didn't understand the full extent of it yet.
"Yeah, but I've kept it from you," she muttered, the confession sticking in her throat. "I've known about it for moons now, and I didn't tell you because… well I thought you might hate me. Or, distrust me and think that I might betray ShadowClan."
Autumnleap's ears twisted back. He blinked hard a few times, and that's when the realization finally started to dawn in his expression.
"Wait… you've known about this for… for moons?" he echoed in a soft voice.
Frostmask's stomach twisted at the hesitance in his tone. She searched Autumnleap's gaze, and she saw a look of hurt flickering in his eyes.
"…I guess I assumed that you just found out recently, which was why you were telling me about it now," he mumbled in a low voice, seemingly half to himself.
Guilt jabbed deep in Frostmask's chest, and as Autumnleap's eyes focused on her again, his brow furrowed.
"Do other cats know?"
Frostmask swallowed.
"The cats on the patrol that found me and May… Sedgestar, Emberflower, Beeclaw know that my father is a SkyClan cat. May told them that, although she didn't tell them who. Sedgestar told Redclaw, and Grovepelt and Swoopstrike knew as well, back when they were alive. But, Sedgestar made them all swear not to tell anyone, and especially not me. He didn't want my loyalties divided."
Autumnleap's tail swished, half in agitation and half in confusion. "So how did you find out? And, how do you know it's Paledusk?"
Frostmask sighed, shifting her weight from paw to paw. "Sedgestar eventually told me the truth himself. Do you remember when SkyClan attacked the camp, invading our territory through the tunnel, and Sedgestar accused me of telling SkyClan about the tunnel?"
Autumnleap's eyes widened in understanding.
"So that's why he thought you did it," he mumbled. "…And why you were so upset."
Frostmask nodded.
"After that… I figured out it was Paledusk by myself, using clues that I had noticed," she continued. "But, you're the only one I've told who knows that it's Paledusk. No one else in ShadowClan knows that he's my father."
Autumnleap's gaze narrowed slightly.
"No one else in ShadowClan?" he echoed. "But, does someone else know? Does Paledusk know?"
Frostmask's ears pinned back against her skull, shame burning her pelt. She bowed her head, unable to hold Autumnleap's gaze.
"Paledusk knows," she murmured in a low voice. "I've spoken to him, and even met with him outside of gatherings… I know that sounds bad, but I swear I've never put ShadowClan secrets in danger. I just wanted to get to know him and my mother better. Surely you can't blame me for being curious about my kin, right? And, he's turned out to be useful too. He has insights into SkyClan and the other clans that we don't in ShadowClan."
Autumnleap was silent for a few moments, and Frostmask forced her gaze back up to his. His brow was furrowed deeply, his gaze flickering over Frostmask's pelt as if he suddenly saw a strange hue in her fur that he'd never noticed before.
"This… is a lot, Frostmask," he meowed finally.
He didn't sound furious, but he clearly wasn't pleased either. His tail fidgeted with a restless energy, and he was avoiding Frostmask's gaze. He closed his eyes, exhaling a sharp sigh.
"I understand your reasons, but… it still hurts knowing that you couldn't trust me with this," he muttered. "We're supposed to be partners. But, you haven't been treating me like an equal. Instead you've been lying to me for moons."
"I know," Frostmask rasped, half-crouching in apology as her heart clenched. "All I can say is that I'm sorry. I know that's not enough, but I am so sorry."
Autumnleap's eyes opened, his gaze focusing on her again. His ears angled back as the first appearance of anger crept into his expression.
"I can't believed that you trusted Paledusk, SkyClan's deputy, more than you trusted me," he added, his voice low, almost a growl.
"No," Frostmask rasped quickly, desperate to make him understand. "I didn't trust Paledusk— at least, not at first. The only reason that I started talking with him, met with him, was that I knew that he couldn't say anything about it. He didn't want his clan-mates to know about me as much as I didn't want ShadowClan to know about him. If Paledusk ever betrayed me, I'd ruin him in return."
"You say that like it makes you secretly meeting with him better!" Autumnleap snapped, his voice rising. "He's SkyClan's deputy, and you're ShadowClan's, Frostmask! You must see how bad that looks! Not only have you been lying to me for moons, but you've put yourself in danger!"
Frostmask flinched at his harsh tone, and Autumnleap immediately froze before his body language softened.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, angling his head away from her. "I didn't mean to shout. I think I just need some time to think about this."
Autumnleap started to turn aside, and Frostmask took a couple sudden jerky steps towards him, panic sparking off her pelt.
"'Time to think?' What does that mean?" she asked.
"It means to give me some space, Frostmask," Autumnleap said, some impatience edging his tone as he glanced back at her from over his shoulder. "I've done the same for you before. Now you need to return the favor."
With a swish of his tail, he glanced away. "I'll see you later."
He padded off, and Frostmask watched him go, her belly churning with utter despair and misery.
Paledusk was right. Oh why did I say anything? Hopefully Autumnleap will still at least care about me enough to agree not to tell anyone else the truth… But what if he does tell everyone? What will happen to me? What will Sedgestar do to me?
Frostmask clenched her jaw, unable to answer her questions. Resigning herself to her fate, Frostmask's paws dragged against the ground as she plodded back to the camp.
She did return with thorny stems and branches as she'd told Darkpelt, but she only half-heartedly worked on the barrier for a bit longer before excusing herself for the nursery. It was quiet in the den. Amberberry, Dewleaf and their litters were playing out in camp, so only Larkfoot remained inside with Newtkit and Mistkit. Both of them were still too young to play, although they were growing more active by the day, and Larkfoot had said that she expected that their eyes would likely open very soon.
But right now, as if sensing Frostmask's dark mood, Larkfoot didn't try to chat with her. She only gave a gentle purr as Frostmask took her place in the nest and then the senior queen left the den, leaving Frostmask alone with her kits. Frostmask dipped her head, breathing in Newtkit's and Mistkit's warm scents as the two burrowed into her fur, letting out soft, happy mewls at her appearance. Frostmask screwed her eyes shut, her heart clenching in equal parts love and pain.
Please StarClan, no matter what happens to me if Autumnleap chooses to tell everyone, let Mistkit and Newtkit remain safe in ShadowClan.
As the morning wore on, Frostmask stayed in the den, silently guarding her kittens as they napped when a sudden yowl from outside caught her attention. Her head jerked up, her pelt rippling with fear.
Is that Autumnleap coming back to tell everyone?
Nausea rising in her stomach, Frostmask forced herself to her paws and slunk out of the den. But, the sight that greeted her wasn't at all what she'd expected. It wasn't Autumnleap, but Pineshade returning from her WindClan border patrol, her fur prickling and her tail whipping. The scent of blood rushed into Frostmask's nostrils, and Frostmask jolted in worry as she noticed her friend's dark pelt was splattered with it. But that was nothing compared to the amount of red that clumped in Snakeeyes' white fur when she came staggering into the camp, her mismatched eyes glazed, supported by Leafbreeze on one side and Murmurstep on the other.
"Elmclaw!" Pineshade yowled. "Elmclaw!"
"What happened?!" Frostmask demanded, haring over to them as the medicine cat's head poked out from his den, his eyes widening as he took in the sight.
"WindClan happened!" Pineshade spat, turning her attention onto Frostmask.
Her amber eye was alight with golden fire as her spiky-furred tail lashed from side to side.
"While we were patrolling, the snake-hearts ambushed us two to one with a battle patrol!" she continued with a snarl, curling her claws into the ground.
Frostmask's eyes widened, her neck fur prickling.
When Autumnleap left, he was headed in the direction of the WindClan border! Oh StarClan, please let him be alright!
Elmclaw had reached Snakeeyes now with a clump of cobwebs in his jaws. He gently nudged her to the ground and started pressing the cobwebs to her wounds to staunch the bleeding. Icy fear gushed through Frostmask as she took in the sight of her friend lying so still on the ground. The commotion had attracted all of her clan-mates who were in camp out into the clearing, although Larkfoot, Dewleaf and Amberberry were ushering the kits into the nursery to keep them from being underfoot. When the elders emerged from their den, Greytail let out a warbling wail as she caught sight of her injured daughter, and Clearstream pressed her flank reassuringly to her side. Rowanheart and Yewstorm had also abandoned their tasks with the thorn barrier and rushed to Snakeeyes, but they hovered a few tail-lengths back from her, giving Elmclaw the space to work.
"Will she be okay?!" Rowanheart demanded, his voice cracking as he stared down at his mate with wide, panic-stricken eyes. "Snakeeyes? Can you hear me?"
Elmclaw was too focused on his task to respond, and Snakeeyes didn't either, although her flanks still rose and fell with breath. Yewstorm pressed his muzzle to his father's side supportively, but Frostmask could see his silver-and-black striped legs trembling.
"Is WindClan on their way here?" Sedgestar's commanding voice suddenly cut in as he strode over to the group. "Have they invaded our territory?"
Pineshade shook her head.
"I don't think so," Murmurstep spoke up in a quiet voice. "They just seemed to be harrying us at the borders."
"The mouse-hearts," Pineshade added furiously.
"That's good," Sedgestar gave a curt nod, "but still we should ensure that they are not on our land."
He glanced around at the cats in camp. Sunhigh was approaching and more cats would start to return soon from their hunts, patrols, and training, but as of right now, there weren't many warriors around. Besides Yewstorm and Rowanheart, there was only Kestrelmoon, Cricketsong, Beeclaw, and Dampfang.
"Beeclaw, take a patrol with Kestrelmoon, Yewstorm, and Cricketsong to go investigate the border. Report back if WindClan is still at the border, or if you find them in our territory. But, don't engage without backup," Sedgestar ordered.
"I can go too and show them were we were attacked," Leafbreeze spoke up, taking a step forward. "I got lucky and didn't get that injured— only a few scratches."
Sedgestar nodded. "Very well. Go."
The patrol of cats streamed out of camp, and Frostmask watched them go, her paws tingling anxiously. Hopefully they would be able to help out Autumnleap, or any of her other clan-mates out there in the forest, if any of them did end up in a fight with WindClan. Frostmask closed her eyes for a moment.
It's finally starting— all the horrible things Paledusk warned me about. But, this was just one skirmish, and Snakeeyes is already so badly injured… How much worse will it get from here?
Elmclaw continued to work on Snakeeyes as Sedgestar got a more detailed report of what had happened from Pineshade and Murmurstep. Frostmask tried to listen too— she knew it was important— but her miserable, anxious thoughts kept distracting her. She at least heard the fact that Rabbitstar had led the battle patrol himself.
"Okay," Elmclaw finally said, exhaling sharply.
The sound of his voice snapped Frostmask back to attention and cut Pineshade off mid-sentence. No one seemed to mind though as every gaze turned to stare at him as they waited for his assessment of Snakeeyes.
"I think I've stopped the bleeding enough that I can move her to my den now," Elmclaw said, rising to his paws.
Since Elmclaw had finally stopped pouring over Snakeeyes' wounds, Rowanheart was able to crouch down by his now completely unconscious mate, giving her forehead a few gentle licks.
"Will she be okay?" Rowanheart asked again in a softer, but far more despondent voice as he lifted his green eyes to Elmclaw.
Elmclaw's gaze hardened when he met his friend's eyes.
"I won't lose her," he swore, a growl almost rumbling under his words.
Rowanheart blinked, giving a tiny, hopeful nod.
With Rowanheart's help, Elmclaw carefully lifted Snakeeyes, and they started carrying her towards the medicine cat's den in Clanrock. As they did so, the thorn barrier rustled. Dustleap emerged from the tunnel with Marshnose, Cedarfur, Poolcloud, and Lizardstrike, all ladened with prey from their hunt.
As soon as Lizardstrike spotted his mother, though, his blue eyes welled with terror. He dropped his prey to the ground right then and there and sprinted over to Rowanheart and Elmclaw as they carried her. Lizardstrike started paw-signing immediately, bombarding Rowanheart with questions about what happened, but Rowanheart was still too busy carrying Snakeeyes to respond. He just signaled for Lizardstrike to follow him with a flick of his tail, and they all disappeared into the medicine cat's den.
Frostmask blinked, pulling her focus back to Pineshade as she finished her report to the now larger group of cats. Her voice trailed off, and Frostmask thought she was done. But, then Pineshade's gaze directly sought out Frostmask's in the crowd, and Frostmask was surprised to see a bit of reluctance enter her expression.
"There is one other thing," Pineshade muttered in a low voice. "We all know how much Rabbitstar likes to talk. So well… when I was fighting with him, he did give some sort of er— explanation for his actions. He said that ShadowClan has been 'polluted.'"
Frostmask's hackles lifted, and she shifted from paw to paw even more uncomfortably as many of her clan-mates turned to stare pointedly at her. There was Dampfang, Marshnose, Dustleap, and Treefur, but even Darkpelt and Greytail were eying her too. Frostmask swallowed hard. With so many of her other clan-mates out of camp, and Autumnleap maybe not wanting anything to do with her anymore… her allies were feeling even more slim than usual.
"He said that ShadowClan had to be taught a lesson before it lets in 'even more dirty rogues than it already has,'" Pineshade concluded, her tail flicking uneasily.
Frostmask's ears jutted up, an icy trickle of horror running down her spine as the phrasing jumped out at her immediately.
'Even more rogues?!' But that sounds like… like WindClan somehow knows about Mistkit and Newtkit!
Frostmask's rapid heartbeat thumped in her ears, rage, terror, and worry filling her like a flood. She didn't know if she wanted to rush to the nursery and crouch over her kits, comforting and protecting them, or tear the pelt off the cat who put her kits in danger by telling WindClan about them.
Frostmask clenched her jaw so tightly, her fangs ached.
Speaking of…
Frostmask's gaze shot towards Dampfang, her blue eyes burning with righteous fury, but she found that Dampfang was already staring at her, the look in his green eyes nearly as angry.
"Enough is enough!" Dampfang snarled, shouldering his way forward until he'd planted himself solidly in the middle of the crowd of cats so that he could sweep his gaze over them all. "How much more danger and injury does our Clan need to face until we finally acknowledge the inevitable?! Frostmask needs to resign as deputy. We are past the point of ShadowClan looking weak by folding to the pressure from the other Clans. Rabbitstar was not bluffing! Frostmask stepping down and ShadowClan looking weak temporarily, is far more preferable than the deaths of our clan-mates, which is permanent!"
Frostmask's entire pelt fluffed out, and she wanted to shriek back at him.
WindClan only attacked because you told them about how we found Newtkit and Mistkit, you traitor!
But, with great struggle, Frostmask remained silent. She knew she couldn't accuse Dampfang of something so dire without any real proof. No one would believe her… so she would have to gather evidence on her own first, somehow. Besides, it would be foolish for her to speak out right now anyway; it may make Dampfang look more sympathetic to her clan-mates and put her in a worse position. A few of her clan-mates were even already muttering their support for Dampfang now.
"She should've done it moons ago," Marshnose snarled in a quiet voice.
Treefur nodded, growling in agreement.
Even Darkpelt turned to gaze at Sedgestar, his face conflicted.
"Dampfang does have a point," he rumbled in a low voice before shooting a glance over at Frostmask from the corner of his eyes. "Although, no offense Frostmask, you haven't really been doing a bad job…"
Sedgestar lifted his tail for silence, his jaw set and his eyes bright with anger as he turned his gaze onto Dampfang.
"And, if Frostmask does step down, how long will this image of 'temporary' weakness last for us?" he demanded. "Do you seriously not understand that Rabbitstar will keep harassing at our borders whether Frostmask remains ShadowClan's deputy or not, as he has done on and off, for the entirety of the time that he's been WindClan's leader? Him catching the scent of weakness in the air will only make him more vicious, not less."
Dampfang lifted his chin defiantly. "I just—"
"Silence!" Sedgestar hissed, his eyes narrowing to furious slits. "I am tired of explaining myself over and over! I have made my choice. Frostmask will remain deputy until she dies, takes my place as your leader, or decides to step down by herself! And, you will never speak of this to me again, do you understand?"
Dampfang's ears folded down against his head. But, he held his tongue, although his gaze continued to smolder like green embers. Sedgestar turned away from him, his tail-tip flicking in agitation.
"Frostmask, come with me," Sedgestar rumbled. "I wish to converse with you alone."
Without another word to anyone else, Sedgestar stalked away to his den, slipping down into the root tunnel. Shooting a final, poisonous glare at Dampfang, Frostmask followed him.
When Frostmask reached the dim cavern, she found Sedgestar standing stiffly in the middle of the small earthen cave, facing away from her and towards the far wall, his tail-tip still flicking in tense, nervous twitches. But, when Frostmask stepped into his den proper, Sedgestar angled his head enough that he could glance back at her from over his shoulder.
"…Did the wording of Rabbitstar's message about the 'rogues' in our Clan also sound odd to you?" Sedgestar asked in a dangerously soft voice.
Frostmask's eyes widened in surprise for a heartbeat, but an instant later a rush of relieving vindication filled her from tail-tip to nose. Sedgestar also suspected the same thing she did?
"Yes!" Frostmask exclaimed, a growl rising in her throat. "It sounded like he knew! That he knew about Mistkit and Newtkit!"
Sedgestar nodded, turning to face her directly.
"The timing of the attack is suspicious too," he growled. "If this was just about you being deputy, why did Rabbitstar not attack a moon ago, after he first found out?"
Frostmask flexed her claws, kneading them into the loamy ground.
"Because this isn't just about me! It's about my kits too!" she snarled.
Frostmask found her conviction strengthening as she spoke her thoughts out loud and found that Sedgestar shared them.
They had been betrayed— Dampfang had betrayed them.
"Then the only question is how does Rabbitstar know," Sedgestar muttered. "I trust you completely, of course. Not only are you my deputy, but you're also raising the kits, and you wouldn't put them or yourself in danger. But who—"
"It's Dampfang!" Frostmask snarled, sinking her claws even more deeply into the ground as she wished she could do to his traitorous pelt. "It's obvious! It can't be anyone else; no one hates me more than him! And, you saw the way he leapt on the chance to try get rid of me as soon as news of the attack broke! He planned it all!"
Sedgestar's amber eyes narrowed thoughtfully, and he took a seat, wrapping his tail around his paws.
"Yes. It does seem so, doesn't it?" he murmured.
Frostmask's brow furrowed in confusion. If Sedgestar really believed that, then why did he seem so calm about it?
"…Like you said, it's obvious. But it is also strange that it's so obvious, isn't it?" Sedgestar continued in a low voice. "Dampfang is many things, but, if he did this, I would have never believed that he'd be foolish enough to so blatantly incriminate himself."
Frostmask blinked, a bit off-balance from Sedgestar's line of thinking. She slowly also took a seat, some of her fury ebbing as bewilderment rose up to replace it.
"But, we don't have any real proof that Dampfang did anything wrong. So, wouldn't that be reason enough for him to do it?" Frostmask argued. "He probably thinks there is no way for him to face punishment since we can't actually pin anything on him."
Sedgestar inclined his head to her. "Good point. But… it still doesn't feel right to me."
Frostmask exhaled sharply, pulling her mind away from sticking doggedly to Dampfang to try to search for other culprits. Who else in ShadowClan was so opposed to her being there that they would have told WindClan about her kits?
It wouldn't be Darkpelt or Dustleap. They may not totally agree with me being deputy, but they are too loyal to Sedgestar to have disobeyed his orders. Marshnose is a possibility, I suppose. But, Dampfang definitely hates me more than he does, so why would Marshnose do it instead of him? Greytail and Treefur also didn't look very pleased with me earlier, but would one of the elders really betray Sedgestar?
Frostmask gave her ears a small shake. It had to be Dampfang, right? It wouldn't make sense to be anyone else. Paledusk had even suspected him…
For a heartbeat, Frostmask froze like every hair on her pelt turned to ice, and the world seemed to tilt slightly around her.
Paledusk. Paledusk is the only cat outside of ShadowClan who knows the truth about the kits because I told him. Paledusk, who I told only a few days before WindClan attack— an attack that he warned me about because he feared it would happen… Feared it would happen, or knew it would happen?
A rushing sound filled Frostmask's ears as if a gale had stirred up inside her skull. She gave her head another shake, trying to clear her mind. Frostmask inhaled a deep, slightly shaken breath, trying to think reasonably.
But why would he have done that? What does he have to gain from setting WindClan on ShadowClan? And, I have no proof of his involvement in this besides some slightly suspicious timing. And, he's never lied to me before…
"What are you thinking about?" Sedgestar's voice broke in, shattering Frostmask's concentration.
Frostmask blinked hard, pulling herself back to the present while her heart raced and her thoughts scrambled as she tried to conjure up any sentence that did not contain the name 'Paledusk.'
"I… I think I agree with you," Frostmask stammered finally, her gaze flashing back to Sedgestar. "It is suspicious."
Sedgestar nodded slowly.
"Well I'm glad we're in agreement," he murmured.
"W-what are you going to do now?" Frostmask asked, her tongue still tripping over itself as her unsettled feeling didn't leave her— only sinking down beneath the surface. "About this and about WindClan?"
Sedgestar's eyes narrowed slightly again. "We must keep an eye out for now. If someone did tell WindClan about the kits, then we need to know who."
Frostmask nodded, her mind shifting back seasons ago to when another ShadowClan secret had been revealed when SkyClan discovered their tunnel, and Sedgestar had accused Frostmask of being the traitor.
But, Frostmask of course hadn't done anything, and that had turned out just to be a big misunderstanding. Could this be something similar? Could Rabbitstar have only been talking about her and knew nothing about the truth of the kits? Or was something far more nefarious afoot?
Unbidden, the omen of the rotten pine rose again in Frostmask's mind.
Is StarClan's prophecy finally coming true?
"And about WindClan?" she prompted again.
Sedgestar's tail uncurled from his paws to sweep over the ground, and a low growl vibrated in his throat.
"Rabbitstar respects only strength," he rumbled. "So, he will face our fangs and claws. We will plan a simple battle, and hit him back on the border as promptly as possible, doing twice the damage."
Sedgestar then sighed, looking tired for a moment. "I will think on this more. But, you don't have to remain here as I do. You are dismissed, Frostmask."
Frostmask was relieved to leave. Although she usually liked to know what Sedgestar was thinking, right now she was far too distracted by everything going on to be particularly useful during the planning process. With a dip of her head to her leader, Frostmask slipped from the den.
More of her clan-mates were back from their patrols and filling the camp as they enjoyed the warm green-leaf sun, although a low level of tension did crackle through the air after WindClan's attack on the border patrol.
But, Frostmask didn't join her Clan. She needed to be alone with only her thoughts, so she could try to figure out what all this meant.
Although, Frostmask's gaze did flicker over the pelts around her as she walked, searching for Dampfang so she could avoid him. But, there was no need. She couldn't find him; he must be out sulking in the forest or inside the warriors' den.
And I thought telling Autumnleap would be the only really difficult thing about today. But, now I have to deal with all this too!
Frostmask slipped into the nursery again, happy to find the den empty besides Newtkit and Mistkit, who were napping peacefully in the nest. Frostmask curled tightly around them, putting her nose to her tail to make a full barrier as if she could shield them from all the horrible things happening in the outside world.
The warmth of the tiny kits' bodies pressing against her brought Frostmask some comfort, but she still sighed deeply, her flanks trembling with the effort.
How has everything gone so wrong? ShadowClan and the other Clans. Dampfang. Autumnleap… And now even Paledusk? Could he really have turned against me too?
Frostmask frowned into the fur of her tail.
But, that doesn't make any sense! Paledusk has been so helpful. He's always been right about things— this warning shouldn't be any different.
So, then why could she not escape this horrible, sinking feeling of intuition deep in the pit of her stomach?
Frostmask blinked out of her thoughts, tensing as the entrance to the nursery suddenly rustled. Then the tension in her muscles evolved from just tight to completely knotted when she saw the board auburn head that poked inside.
"Can I come in?" Autumnleap asked in a soft voice.
Frostmask gave a hesitant nod, lifting her chin from the mossy nest as Autumnleap quietly stepped inside. Frostmask's gaze combed over every part of him, searching for any signs of rage in bristling fur or a lashing tail. But, Autumnleap's body language was calm as he padded up to her, his amber eyes clear.
"I'm glad you're okay," Frostmask muttered. "After you left, I was worried. WindClan—"
"I heard," Autumnleap said in a low voice. "I hope Snakeeyes will be okay. But for me… yeah. I'm fine. I ended up kinda close to the border, but I didn't see any trace of a WindClan cat while I was out thinking."
Frostmask nodded mutely. She inhaled a deep, trembling breath, anticipation swelling in her as she waited to hear what Autumnleap would have to say after his time 'thinking.'
Autumnleap sighed briefly, settling down in a crouch about a half a tail-length away from her and tucking his paws under his white-furred chest.
"I'm sorry I got mad at you," he murmured. "It all came as quite a shock, but I—"
"Don't apologize," Frostmask cut him off, her ears twisting back. "You have every right to be mad. I lied to you."
A deep, concerned crease appeared in Autumnleap's brow.
"But, I don't want you to think that me being mad means that I 'hate' you," he said in a low voice, his gaze scouring hers. "I loveyou, Frostmask. That's why I felt so hurt that you didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me about this."
"I was just scared," Frostmask said in a very small voice.
She lowered her eyes from his, unable to hold his gaze.
"I love you too, and I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. But, I also couldn't stand the thought of this— us, our family— being fake because I lied to you about what I really am. That's why I decided I had to tell you."
Autumnleap leaned forward, closing the gap between them so he could give one of her ears a gentle, comforting lick.
"It's not fake, Frostmask," he promised. "I still love you and our family. We'll work through this together."
Powerful relief washed over Frostmask like a wave. She buried her face in the thick ruff of fur around Autumnleap's neck, a happy, but strangled purr rising around the lump in her throat. Autumnleap gave a soothing purr back in response, resting his chin on the top of her head. Frostmask screwed her eyes shut, breathing in Autumnleap's warm, familiar scent.
At least… this is one thing that Paledusk wasn't right about.
After a few moments, Autumnleap gently pulled back so he could look down at her, and Frostmask blinked up at him in response.
"But, you have to promise, Frostmask— no more secrets, alright?" he asked, his gaze searching hers.
Frostmask gave a small nod. "No more secrets."
Autumnleap purred in relief. Frostmask echoed with a purr of her own for a moment before she took a deep breath, readying herself as the memories of her many meetings with Paledusk rose in her mind.
"Okay," she murmured, shifting to a more comfortable position, but keeping her tail still wrapped around their sleeping kits. "Well in that case, I have a lot to explain. Something happened today, with WindClan… and the kits. But, I think it will make more sense if just start from the beginning."
Autumnleap nodded, scooting over to press his side to hers, and Frostmask began to tell him everything.
Author's Note:
Wow only ten chapters left in my outline! Let's gooooo
Also, I've been waiting so long for this! Finally someone else knows the truth!
Reviews:
Autumnleap: Ohhh yes, he certainly may be doing just that!
MistFlame54: It's good to hear from you, but no need to apologize for not reviewing in a while! I love reviews, but I don't want anyone to have to feel obligated to give them.
And, thank you so much! Paledusk is definitely the trickiest character for me to write since I feel like I'm always balancing on such a fine line with his manipulations by making him good, but not unbelievably so. And, I definitely do want to blend in some truths with the lies since I think it's exciting when you never really know what he's thinking (although that also makes it hard for me to get into his head!) But, anyway so I definitely appreciate you saying that you like how he's written :) It's nice to feel like all my hard work is paying off! (Also your comment about him being like an "intrusive thought" is such a spot on way to put it! Poor Frostmask is already prone to anxiety and a bit of paranoia, so it sadly wasn't very difficult for Paledusk to exploit that once he got inside her head.)
Cactopus: Yes, I've wanted to keep his thoughts/motivations ambiguous pretty ambiguous this whole time! We will get a better picture of him as the story wraps up, but I think one of the overarching plots of the whole story is figuring out who Paledusk really is! I don't want to give anything big away yet, but I will say that I think there is almost always some truth to what Paledusk says. But what parts are the truth, what are lies, and what are omissions remains to be seen.
Brian.H.H: Good catch about Paledusk! He definitely did overstep a bit. I view it as him getting a bit complacent since he's been doing this for a while and feels more comfortable about Frostmask's amount of trust in him. So, he probably doesn't exactly think he needs to be as careful as he was in the beginning. But, at least with the part about Autumnleap specifically, I think he miscalculated in that he didn't realize how deep Frostmask's bond with Autumnleap is (since she has never really talked about Autumnleap with him in detail before— just because Frostmask is a private person and didn't really feel comfortable about that.) So, Paledusk thought he could apply pressure there as he's done before using Sedgestar, Dampfang, and even Redclaw, and get similar results. But, instead he sees Frostmask has a strong negative reaction, which is why he backs off immediately. That is, until Frostmask goes fishing for more detail (with her line: "I just don't know why you would have said something like that without any proof." And then outright ordering him to tell her.) After that, he decides to go all in on it, which I think he knows is risky, but I think like you said, he'd noticed her state and thought he'd be able to get away with it. (Although I'll leave the part of your comment about what his time-table is or if he's getting desperate a mystery for right now!)
