Not long after Reid's discovery of the time frame for Natalie's time of death, Garcia was able to center in on a suspect that met the criteria of their profile. They made their move. Harrison Burns was apprehended in his basement just a few miles from the police station.
Upon her return, Emily realized she had to deal with an angry wife. JJ had insisted on joining the team in the field to arrest Burns, but Emily and Hotch both decided she should wait, as this was her first case back. JJ was furious, and although she could hide it from most of the team, she couldn't hide it so well from Emily. She entered the small office JJ had been using.
"JJ—" Emily started, empathy and love in her eyes, reaching a warm hand out toward her wife's arm to give it a gentle "I'm sorry" squeeze.
"Don't" JJ interrupted, shrugging off Emily's kind gesture, and hastily packing her things into her bag like she had a train to catch any second, and avoiding any and all eye contact.
Emily bent at her knees slightly to meet JJ's downcast eyes that were so desperately evading hers, not budging until JJ finally caved and looked up, crystal blues meeting deep chocolate browns. Her furrowed brow eased, her frown lifted by a fraction, and the coldness in her eyes warmed. Emily smiled gently.
"JJ," Emily tried again. She removed JJ's hands from her bag, her knuckles white as paper from gripping it so hard, and placed them both in her own. She watched as her wife's whole body relaxed.
"You know we're not punishing you, right? Hotch and I just want you to take things slow. I'm sorry we didn't discuss that sooner. That we hadn't planned on having you in the field like that. That's my fault." Emily reassured her.
JJ's cheeks and neck turned a subtle shade of pink and tears started to form in her eyes, her furrowed brow making an appearance once again. Emily was familiar with this—she knew JJ was trying her hardest to not let her emotions show. She felt a pit in her stomach at the realization of how much wife was hurting over this.
"Baby.." Emily cupped JJ's hands and brought them up to her lips, giving them the gentlest kiss.
The tears JJ was trying so hard to keep from falling finally did, and she broke.
"I just- I hate - I - why" she choked out between sobs. She wasn't sure what she was feeling or why she was crying. Was it really about not being in the field? Did she think her team didn't trust her abilities anymore? Was it too much to bare the silence and time alone with her thoughts when the rest of her team was out catching a killer? Was it the multitude of flashbacks that had piled up all day? All of the above?
It didn't matter to Emily. She just knew in this moment, she needed to comfort her wife before this escalated to a full-blown panic attack—something the two were all too familiar with since the kidnapping. Catching a panic attack before it fully peaked was something JJ was working on in therapy and had brought to Emily as something she could do to help, since Emily often felt helpless.
JJ's whole body was shaking, vibrating almost, and her breathing was short and fast, with big heaves in between sobs. She gently and slowly got the blonde to the floor.
God, I want this to stop. I want this to stop. I want this to stop. JJ thought over and over, the sentence running on an endless loop while she tried to ground herself in Emily's touch.
Emily watched sadly, painfully, as JJ took in shaky breaths, tears streaming endlessly, her eyes shut tight, like her life depended on it.
"Jayje?" Emily asked gently, trying not to startle her. "I want to get you something cold. I know that really helps. Do you want me to get it? Or do you want me to ask someone to bring it?"
JJ's eyes shot open so fast Emily almost flinched. "Don't leave, please Em, please please do not leave me right now" her sobs started up again.
"Okay, okay okay honey." she ran her fingers up and down JJ's back, her eyes darting around the small room in search for her phone. She felt it then in her back pocket, gave a quick eye roll, and took it out, not stopping the soothing motion on the blonde's back.
She pondered briefly who she should text, and decided on Reid. The three were all very close, and he had been in similar situations before. He had also been an incredible support to the both of them ever since the trauma. She sent a quick text.
EM: SOS. in office 31A w JJ, pls bring something frozen—panic attack
She prayed he had his phone on him.
REID: on my way.
He answered almost immediately. Emily let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.
Not long after, there was a quiet knock on the door. Reid poked his head in and Emily nodded, inviting him in. She gave him a wide-eyed expression of fear and relief, trying to say 'thank you' without saying 'thank you'. He approached cautiously and awkwardly, hands full with not just a bag of ice, but two water bottles, some candy, a gatorade and a bag of pretzels. Emily grinned so big with relief and gratitude for her incredible friend.
They looked at JJ and noticed she had not taken her eyes off the wall. She was staring at a small chip in the paint, like she was being hypnotized. Reid and Emily shared a quick look.
"Hey, Jennifer" Reid said. JJ looked in his direction. She looked confused, like she hadn't noticed he came in at all. "Why don't you take this ice? Hold it until you can't. Then put it on her neck, your ankles, your cheeks." He reached past Emily to hand her the ice and JJ put an arm out limply to grab it. She returned her gaze to the paint chip. Then he went for the bag of candy.
"Candy?" Emily whispered, confused.
"Sour candy." Reid replied. "It's another good tool to shock yourself out of panic. It's hard to stay wrapped in your head when your brain is yelling SOUR!!"
Emily took a candy and unwrapped it, smiling as acknowledgment and a thank you.
"Jayje?" She was really sucked in by that paint chip. "Hey, Jayje?" she said a little louder.
The blonde turned toward the brunette. JJ looked exhausted.
"Reid brought some sour candy. Could help. Want one?"
She took it, popped it in her mouth and looked down at her bag of ice, deciding now to move it to the back of her neck. Her eyes scrunched in what was clearly a reaction to the sour and she giggled. Reid and Emily giggled too—Emily almost could've cried seeing that smile, as small as it was.
It took a little under a half an hour, but eventually JJ had returned to her body. They somehow had ended up talking about embarrassing high school stories. Laughing really was a great medicine. It wasn't long after that they all received a text from Hotch that the jet would be ready in 20, and they were to all get their things together and meet on the plane. Reid made his exit, not before JJ insisted she was fine and that he could go and get his things. She thanked him, and he was out the door.
Emily pulled JJ into a big, tight squeeze of a hug. They stood there like that for almost a full two minutes, swaying slightly back and forth.
"Sorry," JJ said, breaking the silence. The comedown from her panic attack was always incredibly humiliating to her for some reason. She felt so vulnerable.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, baby."
"I don't know what happened.."
"It's okay. There are a lot of unknowns right now. This was your first case back. It would be a lot for anyone. You crushed it okay?"
"Yeah. I guess. Let's just head to the jet, I feel like I could sleep for 3 days," JJ said, slinging her bag over her shoulder and heading for the door. Emily grabbed her things and picked up the waters, the gatorade and pretzels as well, following suit.
They walked alongside each other toward the jet.
"Here, you should eat and drink, it's gonna be a long flight." Emily said, pushing the Gatorade and pretzels into JJ's hands.
JJ looked down, slightly taken aback. She hadn't thought too much about eating in a while. And really, she had quite a day. Did it really matter right now?
"Oh I'm okay, Em. Thanks, though. I'm probably gonna sleep as soon as we get on the jet." She replied, continuing to walk ahead. Emily frowned, a slight quizzical look forming on her face.
"I really want you to eat something. Just a little. It's a long flight and you've had a long day. I don't even want to ask what you've had to eat so far today." Emily said, trying to sound stern but trying not to sound controlling either.
"Okay" JJ said neutrally. Grabbing them from Emily as they approached the tarmac. Alright, that was easy Emily thought. They climbed the stairs to the jet and took their seats. Both of them took up two seats each so that they could stretch out and lay flat.
JJ really was exhausted. That panic attack had taken so much out of her. Her body desperately craved sleep. But it did also need food. It did cross her mind. She eyed the pretzels way before Emily mentioned them. The gatorade too. But her mind traveled back to that stupid number on the scale and that gnawing voice in her head told her she didnt really need those pretzels. So when Emily was busy settling herself in her makeshift bed, JJ tossed the bag to the floor along with the gatorade, and closed her eyes.
It didnt take Emily long to notice. She called JJ's name.
"Hey. JJ. The pretzels? Come on, I know you're tired but you have to have some. I'll have some too. You must be starving."
I hope so. JJ thought, morbidly to herself. She opened her eyes and forced a big yawn.
"I can't Em, I can barely keep my eyes open." Why couldn't Emily just let it go?
"Alright…" Emily said with defeated concern. She reached down for the gatorade and opened it, handing it to her. "At least have some of this. You cried a lot you've got to rehydrate."
"EMILY" JJ said, louder and more forceful than she intended. "I said no."
JJ thought about the sugar in the gatorade. God, was she really thinking about the sugar in the gatorade now?
Emily's mouth was open slightly in shock, she hadn't heard JJ talk to her like this in quite some time.
"Jeez, JJ" disbelief still strewn across her face. Some of her team members were looking in their direction at the sudden increase in volume.
"FINE. Give me the water then." JJ reached out her arm swiftly waiting for the bottle to appear in her hand. Emily couldn't believe the change in her wife's behavior. She gave her the water and picked up her book, turning from the blonde.
JJ cracked open the cap, took a sip, twisted it back on and turned over. She shut her eyes and forced herself to sleep. Images of numbers darted across the black screen of her closed eyes until she finally succumbed to her exhaustion. Emily glanced over in both hurt and concern, then returned to her book. She couldn't wait to be back home.
