ZW 2017 Day 1: Fire Lady
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Tiberius
Prequel to Legendary. (READ THAT TOO! Chapter 27)
Zuko has everything he's ever wanted, but for the love of his wife, and now his honor.
Fifteen years of ruling a nation have done nothing for Zuko's composure.
"I don't need your help!"
Katara puts her foot down. "You have to have an annual checkup. You told me not to come last year, you avoided me for weeks the year before that, and I couldn't make it out here the year before that, so you're due, Zuko. Have a seat." Her eyes blaze with fury, but fifteen years of developing a bedside manner have done a little something for Katara's composure.
Zuko is nonplussed. "Why? I'm fine."
"You're not fine!" She snaps. The bedside manner only takes her so far.
"You've never found anything wrong! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"
"Ugh!" Katara shouts, throwing her hands in the air and glaring at her opponent. "I'm trying to help!"
"I already said I didn't want your help."
"I don't care."
A heavy sigh echoes in from the hallway, and Mai appears in the doorway of the throne room with a little girl glued to her side. "You're scaring Izumi, Zuko."
Zuko's face falls. "I'm sorry," he says, lowering his voice and breathing deeply. He opens his arms, and his daughter runs to embrace him.
Bright gold eyes look up at him. "I want you to be okay, Dad. If Aunt Katara wants to check on you, shouldn't you let her? You said I had to get a shot when the doctor said so."
A look of bewilderment crosses Zuko's face. "Izumi, Aunt Katara is not a doctor."
Katara swats the back of his head. "Zuko."
Mai regards them levelly. "Just go. It'll be over in an hour." She reaches down for her daughter, taking one hand and applying a gentle tug. "I'll tell the kitchen to hold lunch."
"You can eat without me," he offers, reaching out toward her. Mai shrugs, and his fingers barely graze her shoulder as she slips away.
When Mai is out of earshot, Katara's brow furrows. "Is everything okay?"
"Fine. Let's go."
The walk to the family wing passes in awkward silence; Katara follows the Fire Lord quietly, searching for something to say. "I broke up with Aang."
Zuko spares a glance over his shoulder. "I know. He spent a month crying into his fire flakes last summer."
"He was here?"
"Where did you think he was?"
He makes a good point. "I don't know, I didn't think about it." She's starting to wish she'd stayed quiet.
"Katara."
"Zuko," she chirps, much more lightly.
"Thanks for coming."
She smiles.
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"Stop moving, Zuko."
"I'm trying to run a country. You can check while I read or you can leave."
"Why are you being like this?
Zuko stops and looks at her. "Like what?"
"We're friends. Why are you treating me like a stranger?"
Zuko looks at the floor, mouth a grim line. "You're right. Go ahead." He takes a gulp of air that Katara feels is really unnecessary, considering she's not doing anything painful.
Gloving her hand with water, she reaches out toward the pronged scar on his chest. He flinches when the water touches his skin, and his face turns pale.
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay."
The cold water warms against his skin and seeps into it, following the chi paths into his heart. Normal beating, or normal for tissue that's been burned and twisted. The murmur is unchanged, the scar tissue is minimal. Honestly, Katara is rather pleased with the healing she did after the Agni Kai. Zuko should really express gratitude more often.
"You're right."
"Hm?"
Zuko lifts his eyebrow, looking down at her. "You said I should thank you more often. So. Thank you, Katara."
Well, she'd said the quiet part out loud then. "You're welcome." Once the water returns to her pouch, Katara reaches out for her friend. "Give me a hug, Fire Lord Stuffy."
He's as stiff as a metal rod at her touch. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she gives him a squeeze and briefly tucks her head under his chin before letting go. But then she realizes something strange. Zuko's arms have settled around her, and he is not letting go. Normally, she might not mind, but she's never felt particularly loved by Mai, and a quick hug is one thing, but this might seem a little suspicious. Her thoughts race, but she gives him a second. And another. Then a few more.
"Zuko?"
"Yeah."
"Are you going to let go of me?"
"Oh. Sorry." He steps back, swinging his arms as if he isn't quite sure what to do with them. Reaching out again, Katara touches his arm, and to her surprise, he seems to lean into her palm.
"Zuko? Are you okay?"
"I don't know," he whispers, in a way that's so unlike the Zuko she knows that she feels a chill run up her spine. But then he doesn't say anything else, just stands there, looking at her with empty, haunted eyes. Then, as quickly as the moment came, it's gone. "How long can you stay? I'll have a room made up for you."
Katara smiles. "Just a few days. Sokka wants me to meet him in Ba Sing Se in two weeks."
Zuko nods. "I think the cook remembers how to make ocean kumquats."
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He's waiting for her when she finishes training for the night, sitting on her bed, fiddling with one of his sleeves.
"What are you doing?"
"Waiting for you."
"I see that," Mai says, stopping in front of him. "Is something wrong?"
"No. Nothing's wrong. I, uh, just wondered if maybe you wanted to have dinner together."
"Dinner was hours ago."
Zuko breathes in, holds the breath a beat, and lets it out. "I meant tomorrow."
Mai shrugs. "If that's what you want."
Zuko flinches. "Yeah. That's what I want."
Silence settles upon them like a thick quilt; he looks at her, and she looks at him. One of his hands continues fiddling, and he's worried a thread loose that's nearly three inches long. He looks down, and Mai watches him. The silence becomes a bed of rocks, sharp and heavy.
"Okay, uh, tomorrow."
"Got it," Mai says, edging ever so slightly to one side.
"I'll go."
He does. Dinner the following evening is, if possible, somehow less productive. They eat in silence, a silence unbroken as it usually is by their young daughter, unbroken by Katara's laughter in the kitchen as she tries to teach Izumi how to make jerky. Near the end of dessert, Zuko looks up, hazarding to lift it.
"Mai?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you happy?"
This gets her attention. "Of course I am. Why would you ask me that?"
"You just…don't seem happy."
She huffs. "We've talked about this, Zuko. I don't show my emotions like you do. I never have. I never will. I love you, and I'm very happy. Can we please move on?"
"Yeah. Sure. Sorry." He reaches for her hand just as she moves to stand.
"Let's get this over with."
Zuko's breath catches, and his eyes glimmer. "Get what over with, Mai."
"I know what this is about, Zuko."
He tries very, very hard not to allow his hands to heat where they clench the table. "All I asked was if you were happy."
"You wanted to eat together, you were in my room last night. You want sex, so let's go get it over with."
Smoke begins to rise from the tabletop, and Zuko's jaw tightens whiter than his knuckles. "Have I ever hurt you?"
"No."
"Have I ever done anything to make it unpleasant for you."
She sighs. "Zuko, you have an heir. You have your pick of desperate women. What else do you need?"
"You!" He shouts. "I want to be with my wife. That's all."
"We just spent an hour together."
"And I don't want other women." He snaps.
Mai eyes him flatly. "We've discussed this. It might be a good outlet for you."
She can't be serious, he thinks, but no longer has the youthful impulsiveness to say. He leaps up from the table and strides out of the room, leaving smoking handprints and ash in his wake. Mai sighs deeply and rings for a servant.
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"Thanks for hanging out with Izumi."
Katara smiles up at him. "Of course, Zuko. I'm glad you and Mai could have some quality time."
"If you could call it that," Zuko says, and then he shrugs.
Something tickles Katara's brain, but she chooses not to pursue it. "Do you want to spar?"
Zuko glances at her. "Let me go in and say goodnight to Izumi. I'll meet you in the arena."
Katara flashes him a grin. "Make sure she wishes you luck. You'll need it."
By the time he joins her in the arena, Katara has fully warmed up. She hauls tsunamis around the space, spilling not a single drop of water despite the roar in Zuko's ears. Her clothes are drenched in sweat, but her eyes are sharp, focused.
"You've gotten better."
"Scared?" She smiles wickedly.
He scoffs. "Of you? No."
"Almost a full moon. I could go easy on you."
And then there's a jet of fire warming her skin, and no more time for taunts. They trade volleys, growing more intense as the night deepens. His firebending has grown more precise as hers has grown powerful, and he meets her massive waves with smaller flames that glow nearly white at the bottom and turn the deluge to mist. Still, she rises with the moon-he said so himself fifteen years ago, and in the light of the moon she pins him to the wall, ice pinning his pants, her hands over his wrists.
"You've got a thread coming loose," she informs him, noting the worried thread in his casual robe. "I can fix it before I leave tomorrow."
He is quiet, breathing heavily and staring into her. His eyes glow amber in the cool light, pinning her in place. His warm hands smooth around her waist and the small of her back, pulling her into him. Arms close around her as he tips his head down and covers her mouth with his, a not unwelcome pressure. She is too surprised to respond at first, then reaches up to tangle her hands in his hair as she melts into him.
They pull apart after a few moments, just enough that their foreheads touch as they gasp for breath. "I'm sorry," Zuko murmurs.
"Not very honorable of you," she jokes.
"No. It's not." He leans down to kiss her again, but she stops him. "Zuko, I don't want to get between you and Mai. We can't do this."
"I know. I'm not asking you to be." He lets her go and backs away, adjusting his robe and focusing intently on tucking the loose thread back into the sleeve. "I'm sorry."
"But I'm here, if you want to talk about it."
The way he looks at her is like a man trapped in the desert seeing an enormous freshwater lake for the first time, but the fact that he takes her up on her offer throws her off balance. "Was it that terrible?"
She is struck dumb, her mouth hanging open a little before she recovers herself. "No, it wasn't terrible at all. If you weren't married-" She stops herself. "We shouldn't talk like that."
"It wasn't?" His eyes are wide, full of something she can't identify.
"Not at all," she whispers. "Zuko, talk to me. What's going on?"
"I don't know. My wife flinches every time I touch her. She avoids me, and I don't know what I did wrong."
"Have you tried talking to her about it?"
"Of course I have!" His face contorts before smoothing out again. "She won't tell me. Doesn't want to discuss it. All married couples stop after the honeymoon is over."
"Oh, Zuko." A little bit of her heart breaks, and Katara closes the distance between them and hugs him tightly, burying her face in his neck as she presses against his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
He hugs her back, tighter than she thinks he's probably hugged anyone. "She's given permission. For me to see other women, I mean. As long as she never finds out. But it's not the same-I don't want anyone else."
Katara rubs circles between his shoulder blades. "I understand."
"I miss her," he whispers, as if he'll break if he speaks any louder.
"I know." And she does, because marriage is supposed to be a connection of body and soul, a soft place to land after a long day, a best-friendship made deeper by midnight kisses and soft touches. Zuko signed up for a partnership, for someone to hold when he's weary, for loving someone all the days of his life. And now it's all wrong, distant and lukewarm.
"It's not honorable, Katara. It's wrong, but I don't know what else to do. Tell me what to do. Please."
"You must feel really alone."
"Uncle is gone. I would be a horrible father to burden Izumi with any of this, and she's too young to understand anyway. Mai won't talk about it. She hates it when I talk about it. To anyone." His voice is muffled with her hair. Somehow, he's contorted himself so that his face is pressed against the back of her neck, arms engulfing her body. His legs have drawn close to hers on each side, like he's some kind of koala-sloth.
"I don't know, Zuko. I wish I had answers."
He tears himself away from her, peeling his skin from hers, and he avoids her eyes as he turns away. "I'm sorry for bothering you with this. It's not your problem."
"Do you want me to talk to Mai?"
He laughs harshly. "I don't think that will help."
"I'm sorry I can't be what you want."
He shakes his head, a dark shadow over his broad shoulders. "It's not your fault. I overstepped. I'm sorry."
And then he's gone, and Katara allows herself to sink to the floor, silent, hot tears sliding down her cheeks.
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They all see her off the next morning, Izumi tucked carefully between both parents and Zuko carefully avoiding eye contact with everyone except his daughter. Zuko and Katara don't speak for another three months, up until the annual reunion in Republic City. Katara relishes the frenzy of Sokka and Suki's home, their seven children creating a chaos that, without Aang, she finds she's missed.
"Ugh, can you imagine seven?" Mai mutters conspiratorially as they sip tea on the porch. Screams echo around them as Sokka and Zuko wrestle with the children in the garden, Suki looking on, fans in hand, acting referee.
"Seven is a lot," Katara concedes. "But wouldn't you want one or two more?" Mai shrugs and takes another sip of tea. Katara takes a deep breath and steels herself. "Mai, I'm sorry for asking-"
Mai looks at her sharply. "So don't." Her face is shuttered, quiet as she returns to her tea.
Katara shakes her head. "Are you happy?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Oh, no reason. You and Zuko just seem a little distant, that's all."
"We're fine, thanks."
Katara supposes she shouldn't have expected both halves of a famously emotionally constipated couple to confide in her, but it was worth a shot. "If you ever want to talk…" Mai looks at her with such pained boredom that Katara drifts off. "Maybe we could talk about something more interesting."
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"Mai! Ty Lee squeals. The Kyoshi Warriors have arrived at Sokka's home in a swath of green and fans that sends the purportedly tired children into a frenzy. Mai thought she had escaped it when she ducked back into the house, but Ty Lee has always had a way of finding her.
Mai pats her friend's back lightly. "Ty Lee."
"How are you? I've missed you soooo much! Izumi is getting so big! When is she going to have a sibling?"
Mai is starting to feel rather attacked on this point. "Just one, Ty Lee. We aren't having another."
Ty Lee's eyes are wide and bright as a strangled "oh" escapes her lips. "Did something happen?"
"Yes," Mai says drily. "I had Izumi, and she's enough."
"Well," Ty Lee giggles. "I saw Zuko outside. You can't say you haven't at least thought about it."
Mai sighs. "I'm just not interested, Ty Lee. Zuko is very attractive, but I'm glad that part of our relationship is over. It's been nice."
Ty Lee's already large eyes bug out. "Over?! What do you mean, over?"
Mai regards her. "We're an old married couple. I don't think about him that way anymore. I'm not a teenager."
Ty Lee is quiet (blessedly, Mai thinks, quiet).
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If Katara is completely honest with herself, she knows she hasn't weighed her options at all. She knows she's emotionally responding, physically responding, even. She should have more respect for herself, shouldn't she? She's being ridiculous, and she's certainly not going through with this, not even if he declares he's loved her for years and isn't just looking for some connection. But the look in his eyes after he kissed her is haunting, a ghost that lives in her dreams.
They won't do anything, she tells herself. She'll sit with him and hold his hand. She can be a friend.
"Katara?"
She jumps up, bread in hand, scattering the turtle ducks. "Hi, Zuko."
"What are you doing here? Not that I don't want to see you-I do, but-"
Finger to his lips, Katara shushes him. "You're lonely." Zuko narrows his eyes, but she can feel his pulse thrumming, jumping more than even the murmur he's developed normally allows. "I'm here to listen and give hugs."
Zuko involuntarily laughs, though it doesn't seem all that happy. "Thanks for trying, Katara."
"Feed the turtle ducks with me." He sits down, shaking his head, and then lets out a little noise of surprise when she sits next to him, close enough to touch, and pulls his arm around her. "Great. Now we're hugging. What do you want to talk about?"
Zuko laughs, for real this time. "Izumi drew a picture of us today. My scar was a big red sunshine shape."
"She's actually a good artist. Much better than Sokka."
"It doesn't take very much to be better than Sokka," he drawls, and she laughs brightly.
She's staying three months, she tells him, because why not, and besides that the Northern Water Tribe healers are hoping she'll be able to develop some new techniques to use with the latest Fire Nation medical technology. They make a point to feed the turtle ducks once a day, sometimes with Izumi, sometimes without, and they always spar before bed. She has tea with Mai once, but it's all just a little too delicate, and she doesn't make another effort. Mai does not like her all that much, in any case.
"Your chi is all clogged," Katara tells him one day after a spar. "Have you been meditating?"
"I'm avoiding it," Zuko confesses.
Katara raises her eyebrows at him. "Zuko, you can't just stop meditating. Isn't that important for firebending control?"
He shrugs. "I haven't been focused when I do meditate anyway. I might as well get some work done."
She rolls her eyes. He doesn't have to spell out what he's been thinking about, which is concerning (flattering?).
Katara joins them for dinner at nights, listens to Izumi chatter about school as the gulf between her parents widens and the enforced distance Katara has been keeping closes. She tells him about her mother, he tells her about his. They talk about the war, about Azula, about their favorite teas and colors and seasons, all the mundane things. Sometimes the deeper things.
"I wanted another child," he confesses one afternoon, deliberating where to place his Pai Sho tile.
Katara looks up at him. "Boy or girl?"
Zuko puts the tile down, and she hides a smile (got him). "Either. If I had a boy, though, I'd name him Zian."
"I like that name."
He smiles. "It means peace. I like to think it would be a good name to have in the family."
"Maybe I'll steal it."
Zuko rolls his eyes, but smiles. "Sure, Katara. Steal a Fire Nation name."
"It could happen. You don't know."
She sees the mixed feelings play over his face, and they drop the subject.
They manage to carry on for almost four weeks, but they're playing with fire and gasoline, and then they're collapsing into each other after a spar, and his lips are on her neck as her fingernails draw pink lines along his back. He carries her down one of the unused passageways, the catacombs under the palace, and he lays her down in the Fire Lord's bunker and loves her through the night.
"This isn't right, Zuko," she says, wrapped up in his arms, scarlet sheets tangled around them.
"I know," he rumbles into her hair. "We shouldn't be doing this."
She turns around to face him, looking into his eyes as he lazily runs one hand over her curves. Katara traces his features with her fingers, the sharp ridge of his nose, the rough edges of his scar and the traces of stubble that have come in during the night, the soft eyebrow and hard cheekbone. The mattress is hard and utilitarian, meant only for short stays, but she can't drag herself out. "Do you feel better?"
"I think I feel worse."
Gently kissing him, she nestles into him. One more hour. One more hour until the sun will rise and he'll have to go, and then she'll be gone. "Me too."
"Aunt Katara says she's leaving," Izumi announces at dinner, preempting Zuko.
"Did she," Mai says.
"Yeah. She says she's needed in other places too."
Zuko keeps his eyes on his plate.
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"You're pregnant," the old midwife says. "Congratulations."
"Thank you," she says quietly.
"Your husband will be thrilled. The baby is a boy. Strong."
"How can you tell?"
The old woman shrugs. "I'm old. I know everything."
Katara smiles, but any happiness she feels is drowning in a torrent of fear. She can't tell him-she knows he'll claim the child and raise him next to Izumi, but he could never marry her. Not after this. Not if he puts his wife aside for a pregnant waterbender. And she can't be separated from her child, not like that. So she runs, and she hopes he forgets her, hopes he finds happiness. Hopes her child will forgive her when he grows up.
It had been with the best intentions that she'd comforted him. Loved him, even. But the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, and oh, what a mess they've made.
A/N: I hope you all absolutely love this because I spent like 10 hours wrestling with it and I'm dead. Send resuscitation.
More to the point, I don't want to make Mai the bad guy, but something about the way she treats Zuko has never quite sat right. She has always struck me as rather dismissive. At the same time, I don't think she's doing it on purpose. So there's that.
