Once they are back on solid ground, Lucien annoyedly pulls himself out of Elain's grasp. When she sways a bit and nearly falls from the newfound exertion, his anger fades away and he pulls her close.

"Oh, Elain, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

She nods and presses a kiss to his cheek. "Lucien, it wasn't my place to tell you and—"

"No, it wasn't. It was his and my mother's." He huffs, escorting her back into the River House on his arm, gently stroking her hand.

Elain looks at him worriedly. "Talk to me. You aren't alone anymore. You can say what's on your mind and I won't judge you, Lu."

H swallows hard and nods stiffly. "I'm just reeling. How long have they known they were mates? Centuries?"

Elain bites down on her lower lip, looking away.

"See? This is why I can't vent to you, because there are things you aren't at liberty to tell me, and those same things are what I want to know."

She maneuvers them upstairs to her bedroom and closes the door, sitting him back on her bed before pecking his lips. "You're right. There are things you definitely should have known, and still should know and I'm conflicted. It's not my place to tell you what they are, but you should have known ages ago. It's hard to know what I should and shouldn't say to others. These powers are new and I'm navigating them the best that I can. I'm so sorry."

Lucien looks up at her weakly and cups her cheek. "I don't mean to make you any more conflicted than you already are, my sweet."

Elain nods and sighs, sitting next to him. "I know that. It's not your fault."

Lucien slides his hand into her smaller one, intertwining their fingers and squeezing gently. "Is there anything you can tell me?"

She squeezes his hand back and nods, stroking her thumb over the top of his tanned hand. "I can tell you that yes, they have known for a very long time, but Beron was the deterrent. Your mother had to marry him. I-I don't know if I should be telling you this but she was forced to marry him."

"I know she was forced to. But she still could have said no; he wasn't her mate."

"No...she couldn't say no. She was pregnant with Eris. Her parents forced her to marry the High Lord of Autumn since she was already carrying his heir."

Lucien's face falls with realization and he lets go of her hand. Scrubbing them down his face. "Fuck. I never even considered that." Shaking his head, he meets her eyes. "As much as I despise Beron, I suppose I wouldn't be here without him. Eris wouldn't either and depending on the day I don't think I'd mind that at all. But when I saw him at the Winter Court..."

Elain hugs his arm and lies her head on his shoulder. "You can talk freely. I won't blab, I promise. Whatever feelings you have are safe with me Lucien, I hope you know that. I know better than anyone what it's like to have frustrating siblings", she says, letting out a breathy chuckle.

He smirks down at her and kisses her forehead before it fades. "When I saw him at Viviane's coronation, he was different. His demeanor...it's always cold and unfeeling. Frigid really. But he seemed weaker. I could see his pain, and that's something I either ignored before out of my rage for him or something he has always hidden too well and for some reason couldn't that night. And I don't know how easy it will be for me to continue to hate him for all he's done. Because he has done horrific things for my father. I know he has a secret alliance with the Night Court now, but I grow to wonder if he isn't as sneaky as he thinks he is. I'm sure my father is still abusing him as he does all my brothers and my mother. In a way, I know that he is stuck because he was chosen at birth to be the next High Lord. I doubt Beron would have any qualms about killing him out of disloyalty and forcing the magic to choose another brother."

Elain looks up at him and sighs. "Sometimes the coldest people can be some of the most vulnerable. Some of the most pained. You have a devastating history, Lucien. But maybe...have you ever thought that maybe he does too? I'm sure there are a lot of things he has snuck around doing during his life if Beron is that evil. When people are stuck and hurting and feel like they have no control over their life, they lash out and they do what it takes to survive or to cope. I've seen that with Feyre and especially with Nesta. I have in my own way; I was cold to you."

"That's the thing...I want to hate him. But it seems that everyone you meet in Prythian has done bad things they aren't proud of, and I know what it's like to live in that house. I just happened to be able to escape because I was youngest, I didn't have any need to stay and be tortured."

Elain whispers something that he didn't quite catch, and chews her lip.

"What?"

She takes a big sigh and lets it out. "I shouldn't say, but I don't know how long it will be until Beron dies so..."

Lucien looks at her confusedly. "About Eris?"

"Yes."

"Tell me."

"Don't let him know, I don't want to be on the Autumn Court's hit list."

"Elain, you know I'd never put you in danger."

She nods and swallows. "Well, you know how you told me before that you ran to Spring and Tamlin was there near the border and helped you kill the two brothers that tried to kill you?"

"Yes..."

"It wasn't just him doing border patrol, Lucien."

"What do you mean?" He sits up a bit straighter, looking at her.

"Eris sent word to Tamlin that Beron and your brothers were after your life and where to be. He knew they were planning the attack against you and knew you would run towards Spring in case you had to stop and take shelter near Sangravah, since you were young but intelligent. He planned for you to escape...h-he ensured you would get away alive."

Lucien's eyes widen and he blinks a few times, shaking his head "No I-...Tam would've told me that."

"Not if your life was at stake and if your knowing would have caused a younger you to try to reconcile with Eris back then…before you had more bad blood other than him disappearing when Jesminda was killed. He had to ensure you hated him, so you'd never come back to Autumn. And he did that by standing there while your brothers attacked, as he had...when Jes was murdered. He knew his nonchalance would be a trigger for you, fuel to hate him. As if he never truly cared about you or your life. But he did. Behind the scenes, he did what he could to make sure you lived. And as time went on...I'm sure he was forced to do things he didn't want to do, and sometimes I'm sure he did things to make sure you still hated him as some twisted act of protection. You are the baby of the family."

"No...no, I saw him attack me and Feyre when we fled from Spring. I was there. He grabbed her by her hair and used his fire to gag and bind her."

"Was he alone?"

"No, my two other brothers were there. I had to fight them off with Azriel."

"As much as I despise the fact that he ever put his hands on my little sister, and I will have some words with him about that at some point, I have to believe that if he wanted her to burn, she would have, right?"

Lucien looks utterly puzzled. "I don't know, it all happened so fast. Yes, technically he could have burned her and made her suffer as she was fighting. It always shocked me that Feyre seemed to get the upper hand. My eldest brother is a warrior in his own right. It was a slim chance Feyre would fight him and win. I suppose if Eris truly wanted to drag her back to Autumn, she would have been dragged back to Autumn", he muses out loud. "Don't get me wrong, Feyre is fucking fierce and puts up a hell of a fight, especially with the High Lords' powers. But, I suppose she certainly didn't have centuries of training like my brother, nor did she have the slightly tamped-down power of a High Lord's heir. She can sway the powers of the High Lords within her, but she only has a drop of each."

Elain raises an eyebrow. "So then, you're thinking it was also a ruse because your brothers were there? Because I think so too. He's never truly alone, is he? Maybe that's why he was different at the Winter Court ball; because he was alone. He let you see a bit of who he really is. Plus, who would be able to protect your mother better than him if he is the Heir. Of course Beron has power over him, but do you honestly think Eris would let her get hurt if he could prevent it?"

Lucien holds his head in his hands. "I don't know. That question has haunted me for as long as I can remember. When I was a boy, Eris protected me from Beron and my other brothers. It just became harder as I grew up and he slowly stopped being as close to me. Maybe since I was so young I didn't get if there was a reason, but one of these days I'll find out the whole truth. When Beron is dead, I'm going to pull it from him. He acts like nothing phases him and has since I was about thirteen. I need to know why."

"You will, in time."

"So cryptic", he pouts."

"I'm cryptic, you're pouty."

"Does Eris know?"

"Know...?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "About our mother and Helion being mates."

Elain glances away and rubs her arm absently.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I'm sorry. Yes, he knows, but it—it's not what you think and I promise, one day you'll know the truth. I'm so sorry."

Lucien pulls her into his lap and breathes her in, nuzzling his neck.

"All I can tell you is that you are so loved and so so special, Lucien. That's what I know, and what I can tell you right now."

He swallows and strokes her cheek. "I don't feel special. I feel...I feel like I was just another burden. The seventh and final burden. The son who can't get her out. The son who shouldn't have been born like the others. Beron is not a kind man, and—", his voice wavers.

"And thinking about what your mother must have gone through with him kills you. I see that and I'm so so sorry, Lu. One day she will be okay again. One day he'll be gone, and she will be free. And you can spend as much time as you want with her because I know you've lost so much time."

She hugs him tightly and tears well up as he hugs her tightly as well, squeezing his eyes shut. "The last time she saw me, I almost died Under the Mountain. And then when I survived and helped Feyre, she had to watch me get lashed."

Elain wipes a stray tear away from his face and sniffles. "You got lashed?", she whispers brokenly.

"Yes. Amarantha found out I had healed Feyre because she was my friend and the girl my best friend loved so...she forced Tamlin to do it. He looked sick. Everyone did. I couldn't even dare to look at my mother if my friend looked that ghastly. Amarantha made sure to use Hybern magic. Lashes that wouldn't heal, but would scar. So not only did she take my eye and ravage my face, but she ravaged my skin too. I told you Elain, that you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I am not your equal and I—I'm not the handsome mate you deserve. I am scarred and ruined."

Elain shakes her head and cups his face in her hands. "That's not true, you have to know that's not true", she murmurs, tracing the scar on his face. Of course I wish you had never ever been agonized in that way. But your scars do not take away from that beauty at all. You are fucking gorgeous, Lucien. On the outside as well as in your heart."

He raises an eyebrow at her cursing, but she simply smiles. "I love you."

"I love you too, Lucien. More than you know. You're the most incredible male", she whispers, melting into his grasp.

They are silent for a moment before Elain speaks again. "It's different, being the sibling that got away from the trauma. And though they were not mates, and Nesta is very happy with Cassian, I think she and Eris are extremely similar. Maybe too similar which is why they weren't."

Lucien nods slowly. "I heard of the dance, were they really that stunning?"

"They were. Your brother isn't all bad. Neither is Nesta. I think they had both been shielding themselves for so long...since they were born. That being icy is the only coping mechanism they have. I admit I was impatient and aggravated with Nesta for a while. I was sucked into what the Inner Circle convinced me was best for her and even though it worked out and I'm thrilled she has friends and is happy now...when I look back on it, it wasn't right and I shouldn't have been that terrible to her. Because she spent her whole life taking the brunt of the abuse and protecting me from everything. And when I had the chance to stand up for her, I didn't."

"You were traumatized too, and dealing with your own feelings. It's okay to make mistakes, Elain. You're all okay now, right?"

"Yes", she says softly. "Though...", she trails off.

Lucien waits for her to continue, stroking her arm tenderly.

"Though I know that Gwyneth and Emerie are more like sisters to her than Feyre and I. I love that she's finally happy and living a life that she deserves. But my heart aches for the potential that was stolen from us to be sisters who are super close. We are grown, and we love each other in our own ways, but I'm not naïve enough to believe we will ever be that way. We are three completely different personalities that clash instead of weave. Those girls...", she whispers, tears in her eyes. "They may not be blood but they're her soul sisters. They treat her better than her blood sisters did. We spent so long in this silent war against one another that it'll never be like that with us." She sniffles and wipes her face. There's no going back and changing our childhood or our parents or what yanked us all apart. I just have to take solace in the fact that there are really good moments that we have on occasion as sisters. And I cling to that."

She looks at Lucien who strokes more tears away from her cheek. "I think it's the same for you. If you hadn't been raised by the man you were raised by, and if your brothers weren't under his influence. Gods...you could've been one strong family."

Lucien swallows hard and nods slowly. "If Beron hadn't pitted us against one another for entertainment like a dog fight growing up...yeah, maybe."

"I think you still have a chance to be close with Eris again. I don't think he is as lost as your other brothers."

His eyes slip closed as he lets out a breath. "Possibly one day. The deterrent is still Beron. As long as he sits on that throne, there is no hope for us as brothers. I am emissary to this court, which makes me one of his allies and that is where our relationship ends. I will do business with him only if I must."

"He saw you lashed and nearly killed too. You told me he protected you as a child, and I told you how I discovered that he saved you from Beron. I'm not saying you have to forgive or forget. But after all you've been through, I'd hope you could understand that maybe he still longs for any sort of care, and so he shows it by giving it when he can, subtly. He's stuck with Beron and he probably protects your mother."

"Why are you so keen on fighting for him? You don't even know him."

"Because I saw what my elders did to my sisters and me, and I see how we will never be what we could have been. When you talk about him, I hear about Nesta and what she went through as the oldest with our abusive mother and grandmother. I don't want you to lose your entire family because of Beron. I don't want what he forced Eris to do or whatever bullshit that came between you because of him to result in you never talking or making up. Even if you decide to go your separate ways and decide you're not the type of brothers who are meant to be close, that should be decided by a conversation, not by ignoring everything. And mark my words, I told you I'll be having choice words for him regarding the stunts he pulled with my sister. But brotherhood and sisterhood is precious and if there is any way to salvage it, it should be salvaged."

Lucien takes a shaky breath and rolls his shoulders to release some tension. Elain slips off his lap and moves behind him rubbing his shoulders. "Take your shirt off."

"What?"

"Take your shirt off. I can roll out the knots better."

"But—"

"I am not put off by scars, Lu", she whispers. "I promise. It won't change how I see you. You're a handsome, loving, intelligent, powerful, incredible mate. You always will be."

Lucien swallows and blushes deeply, hands slightly trembling as he unclasps the buttons of his green shirt one by one. Elain can't help but realize that Lucien still wears either Autumn or Spring Court colors. His homes by blood and by choice.

"I love you, my Lucien."

He looks back at her endearingly, but shyly. She has never seen him express his vulnerability so openly. "I love you, my Elain."

Grinning, she helps him slip off his shirt. She has to hold in the gasp that catches in her throat at the sight of his scars, healed over and pale against his golden skin, crisscrossing every which way, some thicker, indicating worse damage.

"Lu", she breathes out.

"I told you."

Anger rises in her. "I'm glad she had a horrific death. I only wish I had a hand in it. But I can at least be glad I helped murder her master."

Silently, she trains her fingertips over the raised lines, telling herself not to cry. "I'm so sorry."

"I escaped with my life from that horrid place. For that, I am grateful. Though...there are only so many times I can do that before my luck runs out."

"Don't say that", Elain says demandingly.

"It's true. This is Prythian and I've escaped death way too many times to count. I shouldn't even be standing here today. I don't know why I've gotten so lucky when so many others haven't who were younger than me or stronger than me or better people than me."

"You are among the best people I know, Lucien Vanserra. Don't ever for one second think you're not." She massages his shoulders and neck, and he groans pleasurably.

"I don't know where I'd be right now if you didn't survive. I'm sure in a way I would have felt your loss too."

"Maybe."

"Well, the way I see it, if Rhys and Feyre had visions and were mates while she was human, it goes without saying that you and I were and Cassian and Nesta were. I've been thinking of that lately too."

"You are very good at thinking and having an ability to know things about others with your silent intelligence. I think that's why you're a Seer. You were naturally drawn to seeing things others can't. So tell me, mate, what have you been thinking of so intently?"

Elain smiles and places soft kisses along his neck. "Well...it's going to sound utterly insane."

He laughs quietly and kisses her hand. "I'm still curious."

"You know how I showed you a few of m memories?"

"Yes."

"I'd nearly forgotten about the gifts my father gave us that year. But I noticed what they actually were."

Lucien's eyes are closed in contentment and he hums as she continues her massage. "And what were they?"

"Feyre got paints, I got flower seeds, and Nesta got the silver fire necklace."

His eye pop open and he glances back at her. "That's right, they were, weren't they? A bit odd."

"So here's what I figure. And I warned you it will sound crazy." Elain wrings her hands before rubbing his back. "There had to be a way my father knew what our fates would be. It couldn't just be a coincidence that he got us gifts that directly correlated to who we would become, or who our mates would be. Feyre got paints and then drew herself stars for Rhys. Nesta got the necklace and then became Lady Death, cold silver flames showing her power. Which makes sense because her mate is the Lord of Bloodshed and War, "walking alongside death all his life, starting with his mother", as Nesta told me. And me...I got the flower seeds."

"Yes, it is a bit weird to be a coincidence."

"I'm thinking my father had a fae mate in Prythian that was a Seer. When he was shopping for gifts for us, maybe he was drawn to them or maybe he saw them in a shared vision with her, the way I saw your dream of Jesminda. I think maybe Hybern killed her, whoever she was, and when I went into the Cauldron, since I was his daughter, it gifted me his mate's powers."

Lucien's eyes are wide but intrigued.

"If that's true I wonder if he ever felt her death. And maybe I like to believe the wo—female he was meant for is with him with the Mother, since he died here."

Lucien turns toward her and takes her hands. "I think that's a very nice thought to have. But I do have one question."

"Ask away."

"The flower seeds. What does that have to do with me? I mean, it's not a far throw to think maybe you'd enjoy planting them and one day like gardening."

Elain beams. "That's the best part of the story, Lu. You see, all my short life, you had been living in the Spring Court. Surrounded by flowers, enjoying their beauty and the quiet peace they give you. Feyre told me once that she saw you tending to Tamlin's mother's roses when he was otherwise engaged. I think you enjoyed the garden as much as he did. And I think that's why you'd come around when I was gardening so much."

Lucien's cheeks pinken and he clears his throat. "So...you think that my love of the garden was passed to you through the mate bond."

"Yes, exactly. It's a place of comfort for both of us now. And you know what else? My father used to sit and carve little wood pieces into figurines for us. Even when we were poor", she says quietly. "My favorite one he ever made for me was a rose. It was left standing when we went back to the cottage and—I couldn't help but take it. Feyre let me paint it a few months ago in her studio. When I look at it, it reminds me that even in those early days, you were my future. It reminds me that I am past all of the dark times and that I have you to lean on for gentle comfort, just like the roses gave you in times of stress in Spring."

"I think that's really lovely."

Sliding off the bed, she goes over to her desk and grabs the trinket from the shelf above it, moving back over to her mate. She opens her hand and it's the wooden rose, the buds painted a red that matches his hair, the stem and leaves a spring green with a glittering hue of gold along the edges.

"When times were dire, I'd look at this rose on the mantle, even bare and simply wooden, and it would make me hope for a better future. You would make me hope for a better future."

Lucien sniffs and holds her close, stroking through her golden-brown hair. "And now I plan to give it to you, any way I can."

Elain peppers his face with soft kisses and strokes her free hand down his chest. Placing the rose on her bedside table, she then places both hands on his chest and looks into his eyes. "You can start by making love to me."

He looks caught off guard for a moment before a small smirk graces his lips. "You're still sure?"

She smirks back, blushing but determined. "Absolutely positive. Make me glow, fireling."