Arthur sat in front of his lettuce, not eating like he knew he wouldn't do and instead he was deep in thought. He couldn't even say what he was thinking of exactly, but it was so distracting that he wasn't hungry, not that he had been before anyway. Well, alright...he knew what he was thinking of, he was thinking of the attacks on Camelot and somehow mixed in with this, he was also thinking about Merlin. But that was quite normal for him, he quite often thought of Merlin. The man himself was still in Arthur's rooms, cleaning them, because apparently after being accused of not cleaning he thought the only way to remedy this was by cleaning now. He was on his knees, sweeping dirt underneath Arthur's bed, even though he thought Arthur didn't notice this. He did.
"How long am I meant to wait?" he asked then, and this seemed to startle Merlin. He stood up on his knees to have a better look at Arthur, who was across the room. He was probably confused by the question and to be honest, so was Arthur. What did he mean? How long was he meant to wait for what? For the next attack on Camelot to happen? For the next right moment to finally just tell Merlin he loved him? Though, he had tried to do that once before, and Merlin had only turned him down with a rather painful rejection, which Arthur had to pretend not to be bothered by. Whatever he meant, he never said it, because instead he only turned back to is uneaten greens. Merlin thought better of cleaning now and stood up, walking closer to Arthur, staring at him. Arthur looked up from his plate and their eyes met for only seconds before Merlin looked down again. What was this game they played? Why must they do this? He understood why, Arthur was not stupid, he understood why quite well. But it was indeed, very frustrating. He wondered if Merlin had been lying when he had rejected him at that Druid camp, he wondered if Merlin only did so out of duty, or maybe he really didn't like him at all. Arthur decided these thoughts were too dangerous to think, but he also thought then, that he would probably be dying soon anyway.
"You've barely eaten any of your dinner," said Merlin, all of a sudden and Arthur looked at him again, who was looking back more relaxed this time. Arthur raised an eyebrow at this. "You need to eat...you need your strength."
"For what?" offered Arthur, and pushed the plate away. No, he didn't feel like being an ornery child who disliked his vegetables, but he also knew there was no hunger in his body so there was no point in eating.
"I...I don't know..." stammered Merlin, trying to come up with a good reason why Arthur should eat his half-ass dinner offering. "So you can continue being a clotpole?"
Arthur rolled his eyes, but then looked away from Merlin, in the other direction now, toward the window. It was getting dark outside. It was dark when the beast usually attacked. "How can I eat when my people are in danger?"
"Gaius is going to figure out what it is and a way to stop it," Merlin told him then, instead of being useless he was trying to be reassuring now. "You just have to give him time."
It was too late for Merlin's reassuring words, and time was up on waiting around for answers, that is not how Arthur would deal with this situation. He would not allow another person to be harmed like the man suffering in Gaius' chambers. Not another one of his people would have to face such a fate. He looked back to Merlin one last time and smiled at him, a real smile. Because he thought this might be his last chance to do so. He would destroy the beast or die trying, that is how Arthur lived most of his life anyway. "You can go, Merlin," he said softly, but even so this sounded a bit condescending, and he hadn't meant it that way at all. "I'm sure you have better things to do."
Merlin's eyes widened a little at these words and he looked concerned there after. "I don't," he said, and it was nearly a whisper. He was worried, and that was one thing Arthur hadn't really wanted. He didn't want Merlin to know his decision at all, because Merlin would try to stop him. "I'm all yours."
Arthur wished those words were true, but he shook his head. "I am sure Gaius needs your help," he carried on. "Finding out what the beast is, I am fine here...I think I am going to bed."
"And you don't want help...?" Merlin retorted slowly. He was without doubt, on to him.
"No," Arthur shook his head. Merlin's glare was very known as he turned around on his heel and walked toward the door. It was then however, that Arthur thought of something. This could be, quite literally, the last time they saw each other, if the beast did kill Arthur. "Merlin," he said before he stopped himself, because he should have just let him go, but did he really want his last words to Merlin to be no? No, he didn't. Merlin stopped and turned around, looking at him a bit critically now. "I want to apologize, I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did earlier. It was wrong of me, I had no excuse and certainly no right-" Arthur paused a moment as Merlin took a few steps back into the room, and closer to him once more. "Just know...it came from a place of care. I...I care for you a great deal and-"
"You're saying goodbye!" said Merlin then, cutting Arthur's words off. Arthur took pause and swallowed rather hard. Yes, he was. In a sense. He shook his head, but that did no good because Merlin didn't care for Arthur's denial, he didn't believe it anyway. With good reason, Arthur wouldn't either. "You're going to go out to face the beast, aren't you? That's what you're planning!"
"Do you see any better options?"
"You can't!" Merlin ignored his question, stepping even closer to him now. "You have no idea how to kill it!"
"It doesn't matter, I will not allow another to be hurt by this creature," Arthur told him. "I can't, I have a duty."
"And so do I..." said Merlin then, he had gotten close enough now that he was standing at Arthur's side. He knelt down and took hold of the arm rest on the chair Arthur was in. "I have a duty of stopping you from doing stupid and dangerous things."
Arthur looked over and down just slightly, and then their eyes met again and this time Merlin didn't look away. Because this time it was serious. Arthur still remembered the first time he had truly looked into Merlin's eyes and felt that swooping feeling in his stomach, he still felt it now, only it felt so much more painful. He swallowed hard and Merlin looked at him with such serious attentiveness and care that if he dare look at Arthur like this any other time he would have to stop telling everyone how bad Merlin was at being a servant. "Merlin..." he said in a hushed, breathy tone. This was not ever the type of way he dare utter Merlin's name. "...Please," he continued, with really no where to go with these words. He was just saying things.
Merlin's eyes darted around his face as he said them, as if trying to take in his features before answering Arthur's useless plea. What was Arthur even asking for? Perhaps permission? "You said you cared for me...don't you think I care for you, too?" Merlin finally countered after not speaking for a good moment or two and Arthur could barely understand the words he did say, when instead he was too busy being struck by how truly beautiful Merlin really was. They were never usually this close and when they were it never tended to end well for Arthur's heart.
"I know you do," he did answer him however, in nothing but a whisper. Merlin smiled then.
"So how about you don't let yourself be brutally murdered?" he offered then, with a bit of cheek. Apparently, just to ruin the moment they were sharing entirely. "For me?"
Arthur sighed, "I am very grateful for your care, Merlin," he was speaking more soundly now. Instead, trying to ignore Merlin's closeness, for his own good, really. "But I have no choice."
Merlin sighed now, too. Leaning back on his knees and pulling further away from Arthur, he looked disappointed in him. "I thought you would say that."
The disappointment hurt Arthur, obviously, like most things pertaining to Merlin anymore, but it wouldn't stop him, Arthur had long since made up his mind. It was his duty, as Prince, as a Knight...to protect his people and no longer will he wait for books or wild guesses, it will all end tonight one way or another. If he had to drag the beast to Hell himself, he would do so. "You can go, Merlin," he said again, this time more firmly, this time without the feelings that he put into the last one. He just wanted Merlin to leave now so he would stop looking at him with those reproachful eyes.
"I'm not going anywhere," retorted Merlin, and Arthur rolled his eyes, because of course here we go with the complete lack of any code, tact or any basic understanding of how to be a servant. "Well...I am, I am going to go with you."
"Absolutely not," retorted Arthur right back. He knew that was coming next. Merlin looked irritated at this comment, as if he thought Arthur would just agree to that? When had he ever agreed to Merlin coming along on a suicided mission? Probably more times than he should have, but Merlin had a way of completely ruining his self resolve and plans. "It is too dangerous, Merlin," he added for good measure and Merlin openly rolled his eyes at this himself. "You're not coming."
"It is perfectly fine for you to go out and risk your life, but not me?"
"Precisely."
"Do you realize that is completely stupid?" offered Merlin and Arthur didn't care, he didn't care about any of it. He fought not to get irritated with him and shout. He understood Merlin's plight, it just was falling on deaf ears. "Let me come with you...help you."
"I hardly need help," retorted Arthur. Merlin sighed rather darkly then.
"Fine, if you don't want to take my help...can we make a deal?"
"A deal?" repeated Arthur in damn-near alarm, now he was bargaining for Arthur's life? That was certainly interesting, Arthur ignored the need to question whether or not he had the right. Merlin just stared at him intently until he added, "And that would be what..?"
"Give me one more day, if by tomorrow night Gaius still hasn't figured it out, then by all means you can go out and get yourself eaten...but please," said Merlin almost in a plea. "Just one more night? That's all I ask."
Arthur huffed, he loved Merlin...he really did, every day he found himself more surprised by this simple fact. This was a prime reason why he did find his heart so desperately in Merlin's hands, his devotion to Arthur, even if he had a poor way of showing it by way of cleaning, his intentions at least, were good. That being said, Arthur had no intentions of agreeing to this bargain, but he didn't want Merlin to know this. Enough time had passed, Arthur would not wait another night, but in order to protect Merlin from his idiotic self and end this horrible conversation, and perhaps to keep Merlin distracted so he does not come after Arthur later, Arthur lied. "And you are sure he will find the nature of this beast? He is close?"
Merlin nodded, "Yes...I know that we can," Arthur sighed a little softer now, and the light of hope light up in Merlin's eyes. Arthur felt almost shameful, lying to him like this. Almost. "So, will you wait?"
"Fine," Arthur answered. "I will give you until tomorrow." He stuck his pointer finger out and into Merlin's face, like he would if he really meant any of what he was saying and offered, "But I swear to it, no matter the outcome, if you figure out the beast or not, this will be dealt with tomorrow, no more tricks, no more deals...understood?"
Merlin nodded, as he jumped from his knees to his feet. "Perfectly...Sire," he added the Sire in as an after thought, as if this was going to help his case any at all. Arthur could easily say it would not. He looked at Arthur as he headed for the door once more. "I am going to help Gaius, you...you're going to stay here, right?"
"Yes," Arthur answered him, with another lie. "I will see you in the morning...with an answer, you had better hope."
Merlin bit his lip as he pulled open the door, he nodded. "Yes."
He left then and it struck Arthur that Merlin was so sure he could figure it out, but yet it had been days and Gaius was clueless, Merlin's eagerness and plight again, almost made Arthur feel bad for lying to him, as he waited a good ten minutes more in his chair before he stood up and headed for the door himself. Not before grabbing his sword, not that he thought it would do him much good. He felt badly for misleading Merlin, filling him with false hope and for most likely dying before he ever told him how he really felt. But then Arthur thought about Merlin...how kind, be it a bit of a idiot sometimes, but sweet and caring and perfect in every way he is, and he didn't feel so badly for lying then. Because by lying Arthur was protecting something so much more valuable than himself.
(A/N: Yes, I am back again...with another update, a WHOLE month later, I suck at updating more, I do try but I fail every single time. Either way, I do love this story man, I really do. Sadly the chapters aren't still as long as they used to be, but I do all I can, maybe one day...I just don't have that kind of time. Any way, I hope you enjoy! PS: I did not find the energy to re-edit this, because I couldn't remember if I did or not, but it's already 3:30 and I should go to bed, so I will re-edit it tomorrow, just let me know if you see anything too UGLY in there, thanks)
