Rick Castle and the FBI Agent
Chapter 10 - Moving On
Early morning, getting ready for work. It was nearly two months since the cool down began and Kate had not seen or heard from Josh since that last forced dinner. The dinner Josh had tricked her into having with him. But since then, Josh had followed her wishes. No contact until she wanted it. Then, out of the blue, she gets a text message from him.
"Sorry to break my promise to you, but I have a mission for six months or longer in the Sudan and thought we might want to talk, or not. Please text me back."
She wonders if she should talk to him. She was not ready yet, but a six month tour, perhaps longer, maybe they should settle it before he leaves on his mission. Kate still had not decided on where she wanted them to go. The truth was that she had not really thought about Josh these last past two months, except for breaking up with him, which had been on her mind constantly. But as far as wondering how he was, what he had been doing for some two months, and things such as that, which couples apart normally think about, she had none of those kind of thoughts for Josh.
In the past when Josh was on mission, she had found out early on that she did not long for him. That lack of feeling for Josh's absence in itself spoke volumes about their union. Was it one of convenience, maybe even a friend's with benefits type relationship? Were they mutually exploiting each other? Or was she hiding from her true desires for Castle by being in a so-called relationship with Josh. Hiding in plain view as it were!
She texts him back, "Okay, dinner this Saturday, our favorite Italian. I will see you there but place a reservation please."
That done, she heads to the office.
Saturday arrives soon enough, and Josh gets there first and seats himself at the table reserved for them. When Kate arrives minutes later, he stands up to greet her as she got to their table. He gives her an affectionate but innocent kiss to her cheek. The kind of kiss you would give to your mother or sister, certainly not the kiss for a girlfriend. Given the circumstances for the dinner, the kiss from Josh seemed appropriate.
Josh had ordered for them: chicken alfredo, chicken limone, italian salad with breadsticks, with lots of wine. There was Italian gellato for dessert. Kate recalls that date when they had first sleep together. There had been lots of wine then and that had caused her defenses to be down. The result was that Josh took advantage of it. She did sleep with Josh that night, her resistance all but gone. His seduction of her going as he had planned it, in part the effect from the wine, but also subconsciously because she may have wanted it. That would not happen tonight, though. Kate was on to him and his predatory acts of seduction. They had dinner, then dessert and then more wine all the way through. This time she wants the wine to calm her down enough so she can speak about them, and where they are going in their relationship.
Surprisingly, Josh is the one who brings it up first.
"So, we are breaking up, aren't we Kate?"
Direct and to the point. The comment startled Kate! Josh had said what had been on her mind for a while now. She had been wavering on him, as usual, but now she sees that Josh knew where they had been heading all along. Had he sensed her uneasiness about them, her doubts? And even in knowing she wanted to break up with Josh, Kate had hesitated. Why? She herself could not figure it out. Was it fear of hurting him, or a reason more sinister?
Then it comes to her. She was more afraid of being rejected by Castle, if she revealed to him her feelings, than she was in remaining with Josh. She was hiding her feelings from Rick by being with another man. It had happened before with Demming, she had wanted then to talk with him about her feelings for him. She did not get a chance to tell Castle, he had managed to reconnect with Gina. He had rejected Kate. Did she fear it would happen again? Was that why she was so hesitant in breaking up with Josh? She had fought off her feelings for Rick so long now that she feared Castle did not have the same feelings for her. She was hiding it all in a relationship with Josh.
Kate comes out of her thoughts and addresses Josh's question.
"I guess we are ending it", she lets out as if surprised that she had admitted to it.
"So where does that leave us?", Josh asks.
"As friends, I hope", she answers, and takes a deep sigh, all the while trying to gauge his reaction to her 'friends' offer.
"Yes, I want that and after almost two months to think about us, I have concluded that I truly have not gotten over Karyn. When first I met you, there was an attraction, but I was still getting over Karyn. So, I was still in somewhat of a melancholy over losing her the way I did. It was fate, her death causing us to end it all. I was still coping with all that, trying to bring some sense to it all and why it had happened. Maybe in that loss, I saw you and thought I could move on. I realize now that had been one reason for my attraction with you. It took being away from you these last couple months to bring it all into the light of day."
Josh pauses a while to see the effect of his words on Kate, and then continues, "It's Castle, isn't it? You've wanted him for awhile and have not been able to move forward with him. And now he may have moved on."
She is surprised by how Josh had distilled their problems down to the one root cause of their dysfunction in the relationship. How had he gained such insight on them? On her? Yet still he had accepted the offering to part as friends.
"If you weren't a heart surgeon, you would have made a good detective with that deduction about our situation, ...my situation."
"And much like me, you have not resolved it? You still have a chance to do so, where as mine has passed. You need to seek resolution, Kate, or live a life of regrets."
"What's there to fix? Rick and I have not even been together romantically. We were not a couple. Never have been a couple, except maybe on the job. You cannot fix what is not."
"You've done a good job convincing everyone that Castle is just your work partner. You've even sold that scenario to yourself. But he is so much more and you know that about him. You know it deep down in that place you do not want to look."
"How did you know? How could you know?"
"I've had nearly two months to think about us, and all the signs were there. I just had to find the connection with them to see the big picture. It took this time away from you to connect all the dots and see where you were coming from Kate."
"Well, you saw what I have blinded myself to for three years and am just now gaining the clarity and strength to see it."
"You've known it Kate, for a while. You've known it deep down inside of you as I said. But you hide it in that place that you go to because you don't want to be hurt. It's time to open up Kate. Time you put your cards on the table with Castle."
What he was telling her all rings true. He was saying to her what Kate subconsciously knew, but would not let surface.
"I'm sorry Josh. I truly am sorry ... I could not give to you what you wanted, what you've needed from me...my heart. It belongs to another Josh and is not mine to give away. Castle has my heart."
"Kate, we were good together for a while and you help me heal, help me overcome my loss. I hope you know that. And I hope also that I have done the same for you even if in only a small way. I hope that I helped you to see what was in front of you all along. I want both of us to move on from here."
"Yes, ...we were good in that way. We gave to each other just what we needed at the time, but it was not meant to last. It was just not enough. Now it is time for us to move on as you said. Time to find the ones who we can be with in both body and spirit. The ones that complete us, that make us whole. Friends then, Josh."
"Yes, I want that."
They kiss a final kiss to the lips. It is affectionate, done in parting, as they begin to move forward. Fate at times sends to you someone that can help you over a hump and then is gone once you are over that hump. It seems they had been that way for each other.
"Good luck in the Sudan, Josh", she tells him as a parting thought as they go their separate paths now.
That night Kate gets a restful sleep. She felt liberated, like a weight had been removed from her. She had finally ended it with Josh, but now she needed to have that talk with Castle. One problem on that thought, Castle was now with Sam and may have moved on from her, just as had been the case with Demming when Rick had started up again with Gina. Kate wanted to avoid a similar situation.
How serious were they and did it mean that Kate would have to wait , if and when Castle was once again available? And what of this other agent, Sam's former partner, Paul Mikelson. What had they been about? And did that mean something more than was visible about Sam and her once partner. If Kate knew the answer to those questions, she might be able to gauge if she still had a chance with Castle and she wanted that chance more than ever now.
But how does she get that info? She knew Sam would not share that information with the team, except, maybe share it with Castle. Even then, Castle would keep that confidential and Kate dare not ask him about it. He would accuse her once again of prying into personal matters.
Then it hits her! Sam had two years in the Boston office of the FBI. And who did she know at that office?!
She goes thru her contact list on her cell phone. Yes, it was still there, she had not deleted it. She still had Wil Sorenson's number at the Boston FBI office. She would call his number tomorrow at work and hope Wil's number had not changed.
Talking to an Ex
Wil Sorenson is at his desk when his phone rings, "Agent Sorenson, FBI, how may I help you?"
"I need some information, Agent Sorenson."
It takes him many seconds to recognize the voice, "Katie, is that you?"
"Hi Wil, I need some info and thought of you."
"Really, and how are you, it's been years. Your partner still writer monkey?"
"Yes, and he has help solved many cases. Even coming up with leads when there appeared to be none. Just like when we worked that kidnap case with him years back."
"Well, I have to admit, his out of the box thinking does come in handy. He saw something in that case that had escaped both of us."
"That he did, so no using the name Writer Monkey, he deserves not to be addressed in that way."
"Okay, I apologize, how can I help you Detective Beckett."
"Wil I need the 411 on an agent assigned as liaison to my homicide-kidnapping case."
"Yeah, that would be Sam Armstrong, if I am guessing right, otherwise known as the Ice Queen of the Boston FBI Branch."
"I take it she did not get along with others at the office?"
"Not so much not get along, but that every male here tried to get a date with her, and she turned them all down."
"I see, does that include the present company."
"Yes, I did ask her out and, if you hadn't noticed, if her hair was dyed brunette and she wore contacts in your eye color, she would be your twin. And you are gorgeous. So why would I not ask her out."
"Thank you for the compliment but how was her work ethic", Kate asks trying to appear professional and cloak her real reason for asking about Armstrong.
"Are you kidding, she matched you in that category also. Forty to Sixty hours a week, tenacious, smart, good instincts, sound like someone you know? So how is she working out?"
"Fine so far, but we just had another Agent assigned to augment Armstrong."
"That means your case involves an infant trafficking ring, and that Agent would be Mikelson."
"Yes, understand that these two were once partners."
"Correcto mundo, and unconfirmed rumors had it that they were romantically involved with one another."
"I see, well they're back together, should I worry how it might affect Alpha?", she asks, trying to sound official.
"Well, unconfirmed again, Armstrong left because Mikelson was married at the time?"
"I see, so he is now single."
"Yes, widower. Wife died of cancer."
"Interesting, there's got to be a story there."
"There must be, but can't help you there. Rumors peak out on that interesting info that I just shared."
"You got any thoughts on it?"
"I think Armstrong knew what had happened with Mikelson might make him leave his wife at her most vulnerable time. Armstrong did not want to be the cause for that. Mikelson's wife did eventually die of cancer."
"Anything to back up your theory."
"No, just my gut. Armstrong is that kind of lady who would not want to be the cause of a married man leaving is sick and dying wife."
"So what do you think. This situation going to affect my team's efficiency? Can Armstrong and Mikelson overcome what they might hold against each other and continue as effective team members?"
"Can't say Kate, but as lead Alpha, you get to call the shots on that one. I don't envy you. Asking one of them to be reassigned because as lead detective you question how good they can work together given their history, that is a black mark on both their records. It could lose any one of them, if not both, a future promotion. Good luck on this one Katie."
"Thanks for caution and the 411, Wil."
"No need, I owe you many times over."
"Yeah you do, but this one might pay for those markers."
"Bye Katie, glad to be of help."
That had been a fruitful discussion with Wil. Now Kate just had to figure out what it meant for her and Castle. Her other concern from the talk was about Rick. He might be in danger of having his heart broken yet again, but this time by Armstrong. If Mikelson and Armstrong were to rekindle what they once had, where did that leave Rick?
It was good for her, Kate could come in and pick up the pieces, but did she want that? She had hurt Rick before and seen the effect. Could Rick stand another hit to his heart? She wanted Rick, but would a failed liaison with Armstrong cause him to close himself up and not allow anyone in. By 'anyone', Kate was thinking about herself. Would Castle shut her out if he was hurt again? This time not by her, but by Armstrong,
The other fallout could be a similar consequence as when she took up with Demming. Rick had left her back then. He had rekindle his relationship with Gina only to have that end for a second time. Kate did not want Rick seeking a relationship from her on a rebound from Sam. She did not want to be another Gina for Rick. When they finally did get together, Kate want it to be a genuine union and not because Rick was coming off a failed hookup. Kate had learned all that from her relationships with Josh and Demming. She would be no man's surrogate girlfriend as had happened with Josh. She simply did not want Rick on the rebound, as had been the case with Gina.
She needed to think long and hard how she would approach this situation. Maybe sitting back for a while and seeing how it unfolded might be the way? Kate just didn't know, this was new ground for her and she needed to travel it carefully. It seems that even after breaking up with Josh, moving forward with Rick might be more complicated than she initially thought. She would be more cautious in revealing to Rick her true feelings for him. But in the back of her mind, Kate wondered if she was over thinking this one.
