Stuart Little 5 10th Anniversary Author's Note

Hello for the second to last time, readers. It's the tragic clown with another new Author's Notes section which I realised recently should've been called annotations. Way too late for that now since now I only have this and "With Great Power" left to give this treatment. I can't believe how close we are coming to end of my shameless typography.

What compelled me to make Stuart Little 5 was a simple request from a reader of Stuart Little 4 which looking back was probably a bad idea at the time since I was still writing Before the Prank especially with the burnout I was feeling but even then I still had many other Stuart Little projects on the pipeline including "Stuart Little The Animated Series Lost Episode" and a very different version of "Little Hi Little Ho Ho Ho" than what I made last year but neither had even a single finished paragraph before I dropped them both for good.

Like I said before on one or two of these notes I wanted this story to be the swansong of my career as a trollfic writer with an ending that tied the loose ends of my other works but alas I discontinued the story when I decided I was done with making these leaving only the 701 word prologue all that was published of the story. Chapter 2 or I should say 1 was in progress throughout the first half of 2013 whenever I got arsed to write more of it but then I deleted fucking everything in that summer before I added the finishing touches. (Me, polishing a story? That's a new one...)

Our story begins with an explanation as to how the characters came back to life for this sequel and the first thing our hero does is fap to some UK wank channel which is probably long since defunct by now. The line "Fuck me that was awesome!" was inspired by a lost Tom Jerry dub on Youtube which I'd recommend watching if it were still up. We then have a wholesome display of Stuart asking his mother for a pie thinking it was her who came through the door but no it was George with the bad news (read: plot) that they're out of drugs which is a premise taken from a Paul Wicker the Tall Vicar strip from the UK magazine Viz. I don't know what kind of problems you'd need to have in order to require non-aphrodisiac drugs to masturbate even though he seemed to do so just fine going without a minute ago. I seriously don't know where I got the idea of Stuart having a "masturbation period" or why George isn't allowed to grace Stuart's presence in this time.

Stuart walks into the kitchen and looks on in horror at the gruesome scene, not at the fact the kitchen is littered with the corpses of half his family but at the fact there is no pie nor drugs to be had and for this reason Stuart needs vengeance. Oh wow, I think I made an Alex Jones reference several years early on the letter left by Smokey who for all the bad he has done at least he had the decency to drop a love on the letter, how thoughtful of him.

Since Stuart is down with da hood, nigga (good thing this is in text, my regional dialect causes me to pronounce soft "a"s with hard "r"s) he finna get his ride all pimped n' sheeet! This part was inspired by a couple of things, firstly that some of my friends from the school I left a year ago had an obsession with the show Pimp My Ride and secondly at this time I was playing a lot of Saint's Row the Third. Also I threw in a little Chad Warden reference because it would've been an outright crime if I didn't. The next sentence was was probably inspired by RebelTaxi99's running gag where he lets his rape fantasies involving Derpy Hooves slip in his videos. (Wow it's been literally eons since I heard about Derpy and the controversial censorship of said character which was once thought to be a result of meddling by soccer mums but instead that of darker forces which spread like a disease later on in the decade.) Stuart warning readers not to run from him in this car was a Kevin Wilson reference I think.

After Stuart is done showing off his compensation for a small phallus he is off to meet the gang and rise to the challenge of Smokey and then nothing for ten years...

...Until today in the never seen before first chapter that I finally decided to let see the light of day.

Snowbell who was minding his own business enjoying his milk (unknowingly contaminated by Stuart's spunk) not wanting any part of this feud is literally roped in and dragged into this mess. If you don't know where I got Stuart's line from you clearly never saw the greatest Christmas movie ever made, well greatest after the The Snowman of course also there was no way I could resist throwing in a Mortal Kombat reference to follow up. The next bit is a glorious return to form of Snowbell abuse as Stuart reminds Snowbell who's in charge with his very unique brand of authority. I don't remember but Stuart screaming cocksucker at Snowbell as he repeatedly bludgeons him with a coal shovel was most likely an MTV Strutter reference.

Coming to pick up George, Stuart finds his fake father who was there for some reason then he gives Stuart nondescript pills as a replacement for his lost drugs. Dunno why I bothered writing this part as the only funny bit was Reginald telling our heroes that his wife has a larger penis (Outdated joke alert). Then we have George squeezing into Stuart's clown car which I offer no explanation as to why it is akin to the tardis, more likely I just expect the reader to just take it and roll with it.

And now we come to the holder of the rank Stuart's next to bottom bitch after Snowbell Reeko the skunk and this time he's even more racially insensitive than ever before and thus I made Stuart's dialogue towards him reflect this characterisation. Stuart's little chant is as pointed out in my own writing inspired by various chants of football fans although I've never been much of a fan myself, also this is often how my classmates greet each other. Why Stuart started talking in south London lingo afterwards is a mystery to me.

Speaking of outdated jokes, the gang pick up the last member of the ensemble Margalo in the middle of a sex change op, Forcibly which leaves her without genitalia. He blows up the hospital upon leaving because of course he does and with that we finally get this story into full swing.

Now that they are together the first thing that they do is go on some hypocritical spiel about vulgarity in modern sitcoms which probably was a reference to similar discussions about Game of Thrones. I think I was going to have them mention New Girl as an example since that was the new big US sitcom at the time. Stuart interrupts this insightful conversation by obliterating a school bus just to hammer it in that Stuart in this story is a gargantuan poo head. Naturally he goes back to discussing TV immediately after committing an atrocity in which I used to voice my annoyance of how goddamn long Stargate SG-1 stayed on the air even though it already ended five years ago.

We finally meet Smokey after all that bullshit. Stuart comes out his car acting like your stereotypical wigger we all knew too well in school in the 2000s. Smokey is disappointed but not surprised that Stuart would come with company so he was ready for anything and had his henchmen spawn on command armed to the teeth. That's fine because Stuart's pals are also packing heat probably pulled out their asses before Stuart makes a Life on Mars reference. Before things kick off we get (Groan) a fucking joke stolen word for word from College Humour, did I not have any fucking standards for comedy back then?

Once the two are done making their formalities Smokey introduces the mysterious special guest; the Beast. Stuart shits himself even though he easily did away with her in the beginning of "Stuart Little 4." The Shredder costume was likely inspired by my resurging interest in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at which in turn was ignited by Cinemassacre's bevy of videos on the series at the time.

With the return of the Beast the chapter ends setting the stage for Chapter 2 which never came into being. What would've happened next is Stuart and friends run away like pussies. In order to defeat the unholy alliance of Smokey, Falcon and the Beast, Stuart enlists the help of the viagroided up Mayor of Lazytown from "Revenge is Rotten" to fight by his side but the Beast isn't Smokey's only new ally; viagroided up zombie Freddy from "Shaggy's Birthday Bash" joins the fray for an epic climax. It makes me almost sad thinking of what could've been but I suppose when I burn out it's time to move on and that's exactly what I did. One year felt too long a time to continue trolling this website especially at the age I was then so that's when the plug was officially out for everything I didn't care about the reviews I was getting, I didn't care about all the attention Donkey Greatest Prank commanded and I definitely didn't want to keep on plugging away on fucking dumb stories written for the sake of profanity and vulgarity. I began writing these stories for a laugh but later on it came to the point where I just didn't find them funny any more.

Well that's everything I have to say about "Stuart Little 5". Only one more terrible tale to revisit and that might just be goodbye for me. I know I hyped up my return in "Pepperoni Passion" but shit happened and then I just didn't feel like doing more. Maybe one day I might make a glorious full return but don't hold your breath on that. Until next annotation, see you later.