Into the second circle did we descend,
And there surrounded by all the wailing souls
Sat Simon Cowell. Around him, the souls wend
Their way to his throne to confess their sins. Holes
Would open beneath their feet to send them to
The circle of Inferno that was their dole.
To me, Simon turned and gave his warning: "You
Who are among the living, why do you come
To this place? Do you come here to get a view
Of what your life will be after death? Succumb
Then to my judgment!" Steve then rebuked him: "She
Is here because it is ordained. It is from
Nibbles' this request comes. Leave us alone!" He
Then put his arm around me and led me on
Into the hurricane beyond. Before we
Had traveled far, the winds came up the dawn,
Assailing us on all sides. Around us were
Shades getting tossed about; we then came upon
Someone who would be recognized by readers
Everywhere! It was THE Michael T. Bradley
Of Ice on Riffs fame! He spoke: "Sup ersatz losers?
What brings you to this derecho in which we
Are tossed around in such a lugubrious way?"
To me, Steve turned. "Speak to him if you dare. He
Uses a lot of unknown words. I will stay
Over here until you are done." To Michael
I turned and said "Hail loquacious flyaway!
For what sin have you been sentenced to spiral?"
He responded with quiet mumuration:
"In life, I was a libidinous fool. I'll
Tell you what I can 'tween wind's fluctuation.
I owned many books of boobs and butts, and I
Am now a pilgarlic of masturbation.
Pugnacious ragamuffin was I, hereby
I am foredoomed to this hideous maelstrom,
And to be blown about like I was in my
Life. Sesquipedalian in nature, from
A city near the sea, I was looking for
Scrofulous ladies in which I hoped to cum."
I stood there aghast at him, and on he wore,
Continuing to use weary bafflegab:
"T'was my bailiwick, and I did not languor.
I also wrote fanfics that readers did grab,
With constant utterances of 'Pika-pi
Pi pika pi pi pikachu.' Take a stab
At what my most preponderant crime would be!"
"Surely, it is your horny ass nature, friend,
For in this circle you were cast!" At this he
Laughed, and on he went, "Yes, it is to that end
That I am here, but the one who placed me
Here is further below. You must now descend
If it you wish to meet." With a 'Pika-pi!'
He sailed back into the storm. I then returned
To Steve. "Did you learn much from him?" questioned he
Who was my Guide. "Not really. When we adjourned,
He spoke of one further below who had damned
Him to this place. His vocabulary earned
Him this circle as much as his lewd right hand,"
Said I. Steve went on: "The Order of the League
Is all condemned to hell. Let us no more stand
In this place, and be off, lest we be fatigued."
