Into the second circle did we descend,

And there surrounded by all the wailing souls

Sat Simon Cowell. Around him, the souls wend

Their way to his throne to confess their sins. Holes

Would open beneath their feet to send them to

The circle of Inferno that was their dole.

To me, Simon turned and gave his warning: "You

Who are among the living, why do you come

To this place? Do you come here to get a view

Of what your life will be after death? Succumb

Then to my judgment!" Steve then rebuked him: "She

Is here because it is ordained. It is from

Nibbles' this request comes. Leave us alone!" He

Then put his arm around me and led me on

Into the hurricane beyond. Before we

Had traveled far, the winds came up the dawn,

Assailing us on all sides. Around us were

Shades getting tossed about; we then came upon

Someone who would be recognized by readers

Everywhere! It was THE Michael T. Bradley

Of Ice on Riffs fame! He spoke: "Sup ersatz losers?

What brings you to this derecho in which we

Are tossed around in such a lugubrious way?"

To me, Steve turned. "Speak to him if you dare. He

Uses a lot of unknown words. I will stay

Over here until you are done." To Michael

I turned and said "Hail loquacious flyaway!

For what sin have you been sentenced to spiral?"

He responded with quiet mumuration:

"In life, I was a libidinous fool. I'll

Tell you what I can 'tween wind's fluctuation.

I owned many books of boobs and butts, and I

Am now a pilgarlic of masturbation.

Pugnacious ragamuffin was I, hereby

I am foredoomed to this hideous maelstrom,

And to be blown about like I was in my

Life. Sesquipedalian in nature, from

A city near the sea, I was looking for

Scrofulous ladies in which I hoped to cum."

I stood there aghast at him, and on he wore,

Continuing to use weary bafflegab:

"T'was my bailiwick, and I did not languor.

I also wrote fanfics that readers did grab,

With constant utterances of 'Pika-pi

Pi pika pi pi pikachu.' Take a stab

At what my most preponderant crime would be!"

"Surely, it is your horny ass nature, friend,

For in this circle you were cast!" At this he

Laughed, and on he went, "Yes, it is to that end

That I am here, but the one who placed me

Here is further below. You must now descend

If it you wish to meet." With a 'Pika-pi!'

He sailed back into the storm. I then returned

To Steve. "Did you learn much from him?" questioned he

Who was my Guide. "Not really. When we adjourned,

He spoke of one further below who had damned

Him to this place. His vocabulary earned

Him this circle as much as his lewd right hand,"

Said I. Steve went on: "The Order of the League

Is all condemned to hell. Let us no more stand

In this place, and be off, lest we be fatigued."