We arrived in the third circle, noticing

First the icy rain that fell on us. Next we

Saw a great monster, who was barking, howling,

And gnashing his teeth at the shades around. He

Turned to face us and we saw that it was Sonic

The Hedgehog, Unleashed! He came for us, and me,

Unsure what to do, turned to my iconic

Guide, who made a face like 'I fuckin' got this.'

He stooped low, grabbing muck in a laconic

Way, and chucked it into Sonic's mouth. The hiss

That escaped the beast's mouth was a sound unheard

On this earth, and he seemed satisfied. Remiss

Would I be to not tell you, reader, of blurred

Vision from the ever pouring rain, the wails

Of those condemned to this mire. I conferred

With my Guide, that he might tell me the details

Of this Circle. "What is this place, so wretched

And foul? Are we in a fen, where things with scales

Torment the shades trapped here?" "No, here embedded

Are the Gluttonous, to forever suffer

This frozen rain." Immediately, regretted

I my question, but then I asked another:

"These punishments are meant to be just, so how

Does the rain fit their crime? Surely a rougher

Abuse would be appropriate?" Steve turned now

And pointed. Rising from the muck and the filth

Came a man, sitting upright, so to allow

Him to speak to me. The man was such a DILF.

Beneath an airport he had lived, and through

Life he had come to this place. I approached, self

Preservation losing to my questions new.

When I came nearer to him, he spoke, greeting

Me: "Hey, can I see your thighs? For I am Dru

Brock of Drawback Productions! For my drinking

I am in this mire. The freezing rain falls on

Me forever more, and I sit impeding

Its progress to the muck." And I: "Thereupon

Lies my question: no matter how you imbibed

In life, surely another vile denouement

Would be appropriate?" "No, for the proscribed

Rain is a symbol of the degradation

I put on myself," said Dru. "In undescribed

Agony I wallow. An intervention

Might have saved me, but unfortunately I

Consumed more liquor than the whole nation

Of Germany every Wednesday night. That's why

I am trapped alone here in this accursed fen."

At this, I was confused, for around us, nigh

On thousands of people laid. I said this then,

And Dru chuckled. "Yes, but I cannot see those

Who lie around me, nor they me. For again,

This is part of the punishment. We who chose

To forsake all else in pursuit of food and

Drink until we were blinded to all of those

Around us are now sentenced to alone stand."

"If only your friends and family had done

Something to warn you of the danger at hand!"

I cried. "Well, you see," said Dru, "They did do one

Thing. Molly wrote me into this fanfiction

To wake me up to my fate, but everyone

Thought it was a joke! Please, let my addiction

Serve as a warning to you!" And then, Dru sank

Back into the mud. Though his affliction

Still troubled me, I went back to my Guide, dank

Atmosphere enveloping me. And so Steve

And I picked our path reeking swamp. Stank

It did, but onward we went, and took our leave.