Emilia had gone out today, Roswaal had left as well, no matter how bad Ram wanted to join him she knew she couldnt. Oddly the feeling of wanting to be with him was a little smaller than usual, she didnt think too much about it as she said her goodbye's to Emilia and Roswaal with the rest of the Emilia Camp which ofcourse also included Petra even if she was just a child who worked as a maid.
'Huh, strange', Garfiel commented after the doors shut, 'Cap'n wont even say bye-bye to the princess?'
'Yeah.. That is indeed weird, he usually says goodbye even when hes doing his worst', Otto replied.
'I think Subaru-kun might not know about Emilia-sama leaving!', Petra shrugged, equally confused as to why Subaru was absent during her leave.
Frederica hummed, 'i think he's still hurt' - 'also, Petra refer to the young man using sama', she said strictly to which the child pouted cutely.
'Right, turned down by Emilia-sama it must've been hard for him', the grey haired merchant sullened for his friend's heartbreak.
'Cap'n and th' princess kissed a' th' sanctuary!', Garfiel shouted, 'its wrong for princess to turn down bro like that!'
Ram felt an odd sense of very tiny jealousy while listening to Garfiel shout about the half-elf and the fool having kissed. She paid it no mind and continued listening to their conversation, she wanted to know what was happening before going back to the kitchen.
'Yeah! Even if i dont like it they were a good match!', Petra whined with Garfiel.
It seems even the youngest out of them had their own ships whom they waited to be sailed only for the ship to crash down with an insensitive rejection.
'Not everyone ends up with who they want to', Frederica spoke calmly, 'i hope both of you realise this.'
Garfiel and Petra sullened at the information, they knew it was true but to see Subaru so sad bothered them.
'I think we should let Natsuki-san take his time to heal from this breakup, i'm sure that he'll approach us if anything is wrong', Otto said, Frederica and Ram nodded. Petra and Garfiel were disappointed about the fact they couldnt just help him right now.
'Understood?', the older Tinsel asked her brother and younger sister figure, the minors nodded with a hint of displeasure.
'Will that be it?', Ram intervened after moments of silence. They all nodded, which to Ram was her cue to get back to work.
...
The day went by, it felt boring without a certain male accompanying them, but ofcourse every day had an ending, and so they had all went back to sleep.
Brown eyes opened in alarm, this was one of the times he couldnt force himself to wake up normally as he immediately flung to a defensive state with small pupils, tall frame shaking in fear from the nightmare he had just gotten.
Ever since the cold of Ram's hand was gone, the nightmare rushed to hm and he couldnt do anything in his dreams, he felt completely hopeless, like he couldnt do anything correctly, once again in his nightmares he had seen how pathetic he truly was.
Pathetic.
Absolutely pathetic.
He gulped, eyes downcast as he stared at his lap, legs quivering to show that they were in fact there.
I have legs.
he opened his hand, closed it, then re-opened it.
I can feel.
I can..
feel..
[ He could feel how cold Rem felt in his arms, actually, everything was cold. He sobbed as he walked through the snow. ]
He gasped sharply, flinching back as if to move away from the cold, the back of his head had hit the wall. He winced and started rubbing the spot, while gazing around his room, feeling as if he was being watched.
[ Beatrice screamed at him for trying to suicide infront of her. ]
His hand pulled up his sleeve, he wasnt even aware.
[ Emilia crashed into the floor beside him, silver hair fluttering as they one by one fell onto her back. ]
The nails belonging to his slender fingers dug into his arm
[ Elsa had that same nonchalant grin on her face, she licked her pump lips, making them glisten in her saliva as her eyes then sparkled with excitement. The woman held her weapon with more force now, a smile creeping up to her face. "I'll send you to the angels". ]
Absolutely horrified he had begun scratching his limb like a madman, the blood and other small parts got stuck behind his fingernails, dirtying them as he repeated the clawing motion as if his arm was bitten by several mosquitoes.
He had begun breathing heavily.
Haa.. haa..
[ Rem's body twisted disturbingly infront of him, the body of the blue haired Oni collapsed onto the ground, several crack sounds being heard as she landed like a broken doll. He could only feel devestated for a few moments. ]
i'm sorry it's my fault.. i'm sorry Rem..
i'm so sorry.
please forgive your hero, Rem..
She had died not too long after.
[ Beatrice looked as if she was in absolute bliss as Elsa's blade stuck through her tiny body. The 4-year old looking Great Spirit smiled happily. ]
no no no no!
My Beako!
Please stop smiling..
She had perished not too long after.
[ Emilia fell onto him as her heart had been crushed by none other than her own lookalike, the witch of Envy, Satella. The blood leaked out of her mouth, and he inhaled sharply at the sight of her eyes now covered by her silver colored bangs.]
No no no!
Stop it!
Anyone, stop it!
GASP.
His body sprung up in horror, a scream unable to leave his mouth, stuck in his aching throat as his eyes are as wide as they can be, breathing harsh and eccentric, mouth agape as he pants like a person who just ran a marathon.
He could feel it. The sweat.
The sweat from his face, the sweat from his hands.
His arms shakingly hugged his own tall frame which slightly curled up.
He sniffed, he was broken into a cold sweat from the moment he awoke from his dream- no. His nightmare, a puzzle made out of horrible memories he could not speak of. Never.
He began becoming paranoid of his bedroom.
It was silent. He didnt like that.
It was dark. He was afraid.
It was sadistic. Her voice.
He could feel his chest tighten.
He gripped the cloth covering his chest, fingers digging into the shirt as he breathed heavily, eyes looking around the room warily as if he expected something to happen, or even someone to happen. He knew what he meant with that.
His hands were twitching.
His arms wrapped around his own tall frame tightened as he curled up a bit like a child cowering in fear.
He gulped, sweat leaking down his face.
Elsa, he heard her everytime when it was night, nightmares is what he got from her face.
Subaru's breath hitched, it was getting colder, cold cold cold cold cold..
Just like that time with Puck..
He gasped, no! Too cold! The male shivers at the thought.
Eyes wide, pupils small.
His sweat was leaking down, he began trembling as his heart pounds loudly in his ears.
He should call someone.. but who?
Emilia?
Yes yes, Emilia!
..but.. why did he not feel safe? He still felt hopeless.
Did he not believe in Emilia-sama?
Subaru quickly slapped his cheeks in a harsh way, you idiot! after all you've been through too! Believe in Emilia-tan!
The thing was just that.. He couldnt.
He couldnt believe in her.
Why was that?
His head lowered as reality sinked in, did he subconsciously believe the half elf had abandonned him just because she rejected his confession?
A few tears were shed, no way.. Subaru began to cry, not only because of how he felt, but also because of what he assumed of Emilia.
I really am pathetic. I always wanted to do the saving, do something for once and be praised for it. Yeah, a praise. I just wanted to be praised, is that really so bad?
The asian sniffled, trying to wipe away and stop the endless waterfall, but it didnt work and he knew that.
And yet i still messed up. What is there about me that is missing..?
I dont get it, why did she not feel the same way? Am i missing something? What does she like?
No, i shouldnt think like this, Emilia-tan would be upset. Heh. Even when upset she looked super cute..
She wouldnt abandon her knight, right? I'm just overthinking this..
The Lolimacer always springs back up! ...
I cant believe in that. I cant.
The male groaned into his palms, he cant do this, he sucked at comforting himself.
He needed someone, just someone to tell him he was okay. Who?
No, its nighttime, they're probably asleep, right? He cant just bother them while theyre having a beauty sleep.
That would be..
Would they hate him if he did that? No they dont seem like the kind of people to do that, and yet he's still worried about their reaction. Why is that?
Ugh, he cant visit them.
Subaru shakily got out of his bed, he opened his door, it made a small creaking sound that caused his body to flinch. As he walked through the quiet hallways he still sniffled, wiping away his remaining tears as he walked slowly but hurriedly. Where was he going? He didnt know, he just walked in hope that maybe he'd find someone.
What about Beatrice?
Yeah! His beloved Beako! She wouldnt mind seeing him being as hopeless as usual, right?
She was never truly bothered when he entered the library, after all he hasnt talked to his contracted spirit for a few days now.
Time for some Beako-time!
He thought with a shaky voice.
With a gulp Subaru opened the door of a random room. He felt a vibe coming from the room, it was gentle and kind, exactly what he needed.
He looked around, the door creaked.
and for the first time ever.
He stepped inside the room, seeing a face that..
the knight chose the wrong door.
..didnt match Beatrice at all.
Huh? He blinked.
'Huh? Subaru-kun?'
A few remaining tears dripped down from his jaw, he was speechless for a moment before his lips parted, hand trembling.
"E.. Emilia-tan..?"
Here you go guys!
Sorry, there was a lot of school stuff and i couldnt update very quickly.
See ya next time!
