Chapter 5
How long would these two act like oblivious idiots?
"Detective Benson—"
"Just Olivia, please."
Olivia never warmed up to a person faster. She would look at Alex lost, her ears hearing the words Alex said but her mind wandering elsewhere.
'Come on Liv, just tell her how you feel.' He always had the same thought, but days, weeks, and months went by with everything remaining the same. The two drank the gazes in each other's eyes but…nothing, neither one made a move. Like a movie whose plot runs in circles then comes to a sudden, inconclusive end, Olivia and Alex kept the eager audience waiting for the outcome that seemed inevitable…but, why?
'Don't keep your girlfriend waiting.'
He joked about Alex, hoping Liv would take the nudge and get the message, but again, nothing. Would a good reality check get her to make the first move?
Olivia was strange when it came to love. She respected it but didn't believe in it, not yet. She smiled in disbelief when their personal conversations turned to that forbidden topic, but the hopeless romantic look in her eyes told him she wanted to know if it was real. She wanted it but couldn't see when she had it. How did such a beautiful woman bounce from date to date, relationship to relationship, and mention most the following day with a shrug of her shoulders? Olivia had no problem pursuing other people, but she shied away from Alex.
Maybe she didn't see Alex that way and they were all wrong—no, that was absurd. There were too many signs. The way Olivia watched her. The way she spoke to her, even argued with her. She had this habit of sticking her hands in her pockets when Alex got too close. No matter how her jaw clenched as she looked into Alex's eyes or sized the prosecutor's stature, she respected the boundaries between them. She'd met and fallen for someone out of her league, or so she thought. Maybe that's what really held Olivia back.
A powerhouse of a woman, Alex knew what she wanted and had the determination to get it on her terms, not an easy person to impress. But if Olivia paid attention, she'd realize she didn't need to impress Alex. She intrigued Alex, caught the interest of the icy prosecutor by being herself. Alex warming up to the team was largely because of her. With Olivia Alex bent her rigid guidelines and even softened her voice. All Olivia had to do was flash that crooked grin and Alex stumbled over a word.
'If you could see what I see Liv.' He wished she could.
2003
"Thank you, Counselor."
Hearing Olivia's cold words as she took a warrant from Alex's hand without so much as a glance at her was…surreal. The office silenced further, save for the shattering ring of a couple desk phones.
Cragen noticed the edge in the room too and glanced to the other guys with a stiff lift of his brow; the subsequent shake of his head telling them to leave it between the women and not open pandora's box.
Cabot kept her eyes off Olivia, eyeing her with a morose gaze only when Olivia turned her back.
The beginning of this week started just as cold as the last, if not worse. Now Olivia all but resigned to silence around Cabot as they both did their best to seem disinterested in the sudden change ruining the atmosphere.
"Don't worry about it Counselor. We'll handle it." With a grumble in passing, Olivia answered Cabot's complaints about the validity of their latest evidence—the one thing she'd said to her all day.
"Any idea what's wrong with Cabot? She seems a little off, don't you think?" Elliot asked, his breath puffing into the frigid air as they made their way to his cruiser, Olivia just a few paces in front of him.
"Why are you asking me?" Olivia avoided his gaze, kept her head down, and ducked into the cruiser before he could respond.
Elliot opened the driver door and got in beside her, starting the car quickly to get some heat circulating. "I don't know. You guys are pretty close, just thought you knew."
"No." Olivia pulled her cellphone out of her coat pocket. "2nd Avenue and 31st, that's where we need to go."
Women…they didn't always hide their feelings as well as they thought. Olivia was crazy if she thought he was buying her excuses. The annoyed look in her eyes told him something was wrong.
"You good?"
"I'm fine. Let's get going."
Elliot reversed the car and drove out of the fenced-in parking lot. "How did it go with Cabot?"
Olivia huffed and glanced at him. "What are you talking about? Why do you keep asking about her?"
"After you left the bar…"
At her silence he turned from the windshield, meeting her confounded gaze.
"Quit playing dumb with me Liv, you know what I'm talking about."
Olivia looked away. "What are you saying El?"
Elliot smiled. "Well…you and Alex leave the bar, everything's fine. Then Monday comes and you two barely speak."
"…some days are like that. It's work. Cabot's busy."
"Busy avoiding you?"
Olivia looked down. "Why do you think that?"
"Cabot won't look at you when she's talking to you. She's stands halfway across the room now. And she's been bringing a lot of stuff to me for the last week. It's strange. Just sayin'."
"You're on this team too—"
"Oh come on Liv, the woman loves you." He said "love" with a joking nonchalance, but Olivia looked out the window with a furrowing brow. He didn't mean for the word to carry any real weight, just said it because it made sense. Alex favored her over anyone else. At first it seemed like a typical "women looking out for women" kind of relationship, but as the years went on it developed into something more. With Alex Olivia enlivened, spoke passionately, candidly, and let her guard down—they both did.
"Almost every document, file, anything, Cabot brings it to you, then you tell me."
"…I don't know Elliot." Olivia deadpanned.
The car stopped at a red light and he turned to her, planting his hand on the headrest of her seat.
"Liv, how are we supposed to work like this—"
"Elliot just…drop it, okay?" Olivia sighed her annoyance. "Now's not a good time."
"Liv." He pushed, sometimes Olivia needed it, plus…the most authentic truth came out when she was pissed. "What'd you do—"
"Drop it Elliot."
"Something happened between you two, didn't it?"
"Elliot…" Her low tone warned but he watched her with a squint of his eyes and a smug smile forming, ready to ask the question that'd been bothering him since the squad room turned into "ice-land".
"Did you…" Elliot waited a second and quirked a brow. "Did you fuck Cabot—"
"Elliot!" Olivia sank into the passenger seat with a groan, her palms over her eyes. "Just…drive."
Bingo! Question answered, more or less. Tongue in cheek he grinned and put both hands on the wheel, his foot pressing the gas. "So…was it everything you hoped and dreamed?"
"Are you really asking that?"
Elliot shrugged as his gaze scanned the road.
"I'm not going to tell you."
She confirmed more with every word and the grin sat on his face. "I won't say anything, you know me."
Olivia silenced.
"There are a lot of people who'd like to be in your shoes Liv."
"Really…"
"Cabot's a beautiful woman."
"Don't tell me you're one of those people."
"HA! Me and Cabot?" He snorted at the thought. "Never. We'd be at each other's throats." He glanced to Olivia. "She's only got eyes for one person." He gave Olivia's arm a gentle nudge and Olivia scoffed under her breath.
"Leaving in the middle of the night really shows that."
"She—seriously?" Elliot stared at her, forgetting the road for a split second. "Need me to talk to her? Promise I'll be nice—"
"No Elliot. Don't get involved." Olivia sighed again. "That's the last thing she needs."
"Okay. Your business, partner. I won't mess it up." He paused. "Give her time Liv. You know her best."
"I don't know why you think that."
"Because Cabot's a different person with you."
"Not for long."
He glanced to her.
"…I fucked up El."
"Was the sex bad—"
"No—"
"You answered that fast."
She watched the road pass with a blissful grin emerging.
"Look at you grinnin' and shit."
Olivia caught herself and looked over with a furrowed brow, turning her grin into a tame smile.
"If it was that good you got nothing to worry about. Cabot will be back for more."
2010
Sahara Desert—approx. ten miles from the village of Shala
From the Congo to braving the deserts of Northern Africa, Meera never slowed down and she learned to keep up. A blur in the distance, something akin to a settlement appeared for a second, only to be eclipsed by sand dunes as the horses trekked downward.
At least this one time she could finally thank her mother for forcing the "high society" lifestyle on her. Horse lessons in the countryside…she hated them as a kid, but they came in handy when the Jeep's tires sunk into the sand.
Dust and sand swirled in their wake as they pressed forward against the wind. In the saddle she swayed with the horse's every movement. Eleven months made her a more than proficient rider.
"We're almost there."
Her companion spoke with a withered Syrian accent, looking more like an Egyptologist than the feisty prosecutor who'd called Manhattan home for fifteen years; a scarf wrapped loosely over her head, nose, and mouth as she led the way atop her black stallion.
"How can you tell?"
"I've been here before." Meera's tone soured.
"Not a good case, I assume."
"…no. The family we're going to see…their daughter was killed by her own husband."
"…jeez." Alex took a deep breath to settle her discomfort, and at the base of a steep sand dune they stopped, sizing its height.
"Hope you enjoy ups and downs. Many more after this." Meera watched her with a smile; she must've caught the worn look on her face. Two hours on a horse would do that to someone.
"How did I get out here?" Alex said to herself with smirk. Sweating on the back of a horse was the last place she ever thought she'd be. In her disbelief, a grin spread across her face. 'If you could see me now...' She took her hat off and the searing sun beamed right into her face as she wiped her brow. The stories she'd bring back to Manhattan, Olivia would never believe them. How a race in the desert once turned into a flee from a growing sandstorm, how she became the "honored-American guest" way too many times, or how the sand cushioned her fall when the horse got pissed after a long day—actually that one Olivia would believe. Alex could see her laughing her amusement.
"Incoming!"
Alex hurried her hat on and looked to her left. A murky brown cloud of dust gusted straight for them. It wasn't a sandstorm. This thick layer of dust was just a gathering of flurries swept from the dunes, but still enough to dry the throat and coat the inside of the nose. She pulled her scarf over her mouth and nose, tucking her chin to her chest, hoping her wide brim hat would take the onslaught of dust. The gust swept over them and passed, leaving them covered in a sandy film. Her horse huffed the dirt from his nose and shook his head, tossing his mane from side to side.
"Your business suits wouldn't last a day out here." Meera said with a smile in her voice.
"No kidding." Alex held the horse reins in one hand and the end of her scarf in another, wiping off the dust clouding her lenses. "My glasses have barely survived."
"Too bad you'd be blind without them." Meera ended.
'Yeah, too bad.' She'd been seeing through a scuff on the left lens for too long and took them off with a sigh. Fine sand loosened the hinges to a flopping mess and wedged in between the black plastic frame and lenses. Seven months and these glasses finally met their end in the Sahara.
"Those look good on you."
These were the same pair Olivia once complimented the first time she wore her glasses in the squadroom. She'd rushed over from the courthouse, forgotten to take them off, and caught Olivia's gaze on the way in. Olivia's deer-in-the-headlights look didn't make sense then, her watching with subtle awe and surprise, like she'd never seen a person wear glasses.
'This old frame?' Alex remembered thinking when she couldn't find a response to Olivia's friendly compliment. They were an expensive hand-me-down frame from her mother, that just happened to suit her face as well. She took them to Harvard, back when she knew nothing about law. Now she couldn't get rid of them, having fixed them more times than it was worth.
Her horse slowed, stopping beside Meera's; the shine of the stallion's coat marred by dust. The stallion turned to her horse and nipped it on the ear in a quick movement.
"Hey!" Meera yanked the stallion away but not before the other horse bit its cheek and gave a satisfied grunt to the stallion's uproar of squeals; Meera skilled enough to control the stallion's sudden startle as it reared in an attempt to kick her horse with a front hoof. The horse trader said his horses were brothers who apparently hated each other. In three hours of travel this incident was the first witnessing of the supposed hate. Meera settled her horse with a few pats to its neck and turned to Alex who held her glasses clutched to the reins in her hand. "You're quiet today."
"Not much to say." Alex loosened her hold on the reins and softly smiled, stowing the worn glasses in a case packed within a burnished leather satchel attached to the horse's saddle. With a soft groan she pulled out a second case. "Back to my middle school days." She opened the case and pulled out metal framed lenses, silver, like the ones from her childhood. These were cheaper, easier to maintain, and somehow less fragile. They'd never let her down before.
She slipped on the glasses.
"You look wiser. Less sexy, more wise."
Alex laughed, full and carefree for what felt like the first time in forever. "Nice to know."
"How would Detective Benson cheer you up?"
"…we'd have a drink."
"That's it?" Meera's horse started forward with easy steps and Alex's followed. "Tell me, how does alcohol cheer someone up, isn't it the opposite?"
Alex gently smiled at Meera's analysis. "It's just something we did together."
Meera pulled the reins and stopped, looking back at her with a peculiar gaze as an intrigued smile stretched across her face.
"What?"
With a calm, collected voice Meera started a phrase in Arabic as knowing shined in her eyes.
Alex raised a brow at the end. "Sounds beautiful. Care to translate?"
"It means one who looks upon the desert horizon with despair is a trapped fool. Though, I'm not sure if the ancients were talking about love or dehydration." She shrugged and started the horse forward again. "When I think about it, the two go hand and hand."
Alex's smile widened at Meera's humor.
"Love takes but can also replenish."
"You should've been a philosopher."
"And you should go back home."
"Getting tired of me?"
"No, but the lonely, lovesick look in your eyes makes me want to roll mine."
"Lovesick—"
"Race you—"
"What—Whoa!" The horse yanked Alex forward, taking off in a full gallop up the dune after the stallion with pounding steps. Horses were herding animals after all, not liking to be left behind. Alex clutched the leather reins and held her glasses in place, an uneasy feat as the horse's hooves slammed into the sand. At the top of the dune, Meera pulled the stallion to a stop; a navy-blue evening sky her majestic back drop. "Let's not do that again." Alex said, her horse slowing to a stop beside Meera's as her heart pounded in her chest.
"You won't want to miss this."
Alex looked up and the reins slackened in her hands. An evening sun shined over an ocean of golden sands surrounding them, dunes peaking like waves of water in the distance; the wind patterning ripples into the untouched landscape. She'd only see this sight for the first time once, and likely never again. It calmed, unlike the endless mazes of the concrete jungle. 'If you could be here with me.'
"Beautiful, isn't it?"
Alex closed her open mouth. "Very."
"Tell Detective Benson how you feel." Meera looked over, meeting Alex's wide gaze; the latter still taming her heaving breaths. "A wild guess." Meera pressed her heels gently into her horse's sides and trotted off with a grin over her shoulder. "You speak about her more than you think."
Alex cringed a bit and started down to the bottom of the dune. "Doesn't mean we're dating."
"I never said you were."
"Wait. I never told you I was gay."
"And the truth keeps coming." Meera slowly smiled as Alex caught up to her. "You had such great chemistry with our legal ethics professor. I guess I thought…maybe…"
Oh…her…Dr. Summers. Another cold, courtroom hardened woman. The first Donnelly she'd ever met.
"The way you admired her…"
"I admired her because she was good at what she did. Just because someone admires a person doesn't mean they're in love with them."
"Admiration itself is a form of love." Meera smirked and Alex groaned at her stubborn refutes as the horses walked slow beside each other. "You get this look in your eyes when you're fascinated with someone."
"Really…" Alex grumbled.
"And the stories you tell about Detective Benson—the constant stories—"
"Didn't know I said that much."
"I feel like I've met her already."
Alex sighed. "Noted. No more stories."
"You're comfortable with her."
"I've known her a long time."
Meera turned her horse into Alex's and stopped, their gazes connected. "You miss her."
Alex opened her mouth—
"Don't say that's not the case." With a shake of her head Meera pulled her horse away and resumed their walk. "I'm your best friend Alex. I'm not going to run away because you tell me you're in love with a woman. I think it's nice that this Detective Benson makes you happy. And if that's true, what are you waiting for? The right time?"
Alex looked down. "It's…complicated. I don't know if…" She paused for a while thinking of how good Olivia seemed to do without her. Olivia glowed a little more each time she returned. Her hair lengthened and her style refined, Olivia only getting better with age. Like sweet candy out of reach, nothing Olivia did was meant for her. "I don't know if she'd take me back."
"Well, staying out here to avoid knowing will only make things worse."
Present
A kid died in Olivia's arms and the only thing she could think about when she looked at the detective across from her was their past. How terrible.
Silverware tinkered against ceramic dishes in the background, but the coffee shop barely hummed with life, more chairs empty than occupied. Her coat hung over the chair beside her, the crest of its' shoulders sprinkled with rain drops, just like Olivia's button down. An hour had passed by the time she reached across the table, taking Liv's hand into hers, not caring to notice the few glances they got from staff and patrons. Olivia looked at her, Alex felt her gaze but didn't look up.
Two refills later they hadn't said much to one another, gazes turned to their empty mugs. Silence felt more comfortable.
"I can't imagine my life without you." Alex rolled her eyes at her own melodramatic words.
Olivia turned away from her and the hand that held hers, even as it gently cupped her fingers. She stared out the window with that stoic look in her eyes, watching a downpour patter against passersby on the sidewalk and off cars inching, bumper to bumper in the street. The furrow of her brow showed more emotion than she knew.
Alex's thumb rubbed gentle back and forths into the back of Olivia's hand. Olivia hadn't pulled away from her touch. Maybe it was comforting, or Olivia was completely lost in her own world, numb to the feeling. The latter was likely true, and Alex squeezed Olivia's hand to grab her attention. "Hey."
"Hm?"
"I'll be back."
Olivia nodded and looked away once more as Alex stood and walked up to the counter.
"Another round?" The cashier started.
"Yeah." Alex handed over her debit card.
"Never seen you with her before." On this third and hopefully last trip to the counter the curious cashier, a young woman in her twenties, finally tried to strike up a conversation. She'd been glancing at them since they walked in, and Olivia seemed to intrigue her the most.
At their table, Olivia ran her hands down her face and looked back out the window. That boy haunted her thoughts, and he would for a while.
"You two are cute together. Is she your wife?"
Alex's brow twitched. The comment shouldn't have irritated her, but it did. It felt out of place for the day. 'There's not even a ring on my finger. How would she jump to that conclusion?' Alex looked right into her eyes and the girl visibly paled. "The stare", Donnelly did love to mention it. A stare with defiance to root the jury to her every word, or to unnerve a tightlipped witness. It was perfect for the courtroom, the interrogation room, or the prison. Not for life's everyday interactions.
"I-It's none of my business."
Alex looked down, a little guilt in her heart for how the girl stammered. "The coffee please." She softly reminded and glanced to Olivia again.
"Right…I'll bring it to the table when it's ready."
Without acknowledgment Alex took her card and pushed off the counter, heading back to the sullen detective.
Wife. The word, it didn't make her nervous or put a sinking pit in her stomach like she thought it would. This time it felt right.
Alex sat down and mustered a smile when their eyes connected but looked away shortly after.
"What is it?"
"Nothing." Alex took Olivia's hand into both of hers. With her thumb she gingerly rotated the gold ring on Olivia's middle finger.
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Here's the coffee." The cashier set the white mugs on the table and made a swift exit before either of them could mutter a thank you.
Alex averted her gaze and busied herself with the city view outside the window.
With a knowing look Olivia slipped from Alex's grasp and took the mug. "What did you say to her?"
Alex turned to Olivia. "Nothing. Literally nothing."
"She looked scared."
Alex smirked. "Well, I have that effect on people."
Olivia gingerly smiled behind a sip from her mug.
"She thought we were married."
Surprise flashed through the detective's eyes, but only for a second before she looked to the table. "You are at my house all the time. Actually…" Olivia set the cup down and their gazes met. "Why is that? Used to be I could barely get you to come over."
"Especially after that night." Alex murmured truthfully, her eyes down and the mug at her lips.
"If I remember correctly, you avoided me for a week…then acted like nothing happened."
Alex set her mug down with a guilty smile. "…I did."
"I knew the person who got off that plane wasn't the same Alex."
"I'm still me. I just had a lot of time to think." She glanced out the window. "It was stupid of me to leave that night."
Olivia nodded and Alex looked over, double taking at Olivia's "I thought so" smile.
"Don't tell me you've been waiting for me to say that."
Olivia sipped her coffee.
"Nice." Alex sighed. "I was young Liv. I needed more time. I wasn't right for you then."
"And you expected me to wait for you…only took you a decade to decide."
Alex stilled, her mouth agape at Olivia's sharp, snide comment; her mind suddenly running amuck, assessing the many ways she could refute. Problem was…it was true. Some part of her knew Olivia would be there for her, expected it. She smiled off the sting and looked away. "I deserve that."
"I moved on…"
Olivia threw the words her way like she'd been holding them a long time, and the blow struck. Just as it should.
"I didn't know if you were coming back." Olivia paused, her disappointment suffocatingly palpable. "You didn't answer my calls, my messages. I didn't know where you were—"
Alex raised her hand to stop Olivia's judgment. "I—I know…" She felt her brow furrow. Judgment from the least judgmental person she'd ever met. That alone made her shame grow. "Just…I know." Alex relented and looked down. "I'm—"
"My house is your house, Alex. Always has been."
Alex hesitated to meet Olivia's gaze. "So…where do we stand?"
"That's a question for later." Olivia sighed. "With everything that's happened today—"
"I get it. Tell me later."
"…I would've let you go. I never would've held you back. You just had to tell me what you wanted to do."
"That easy, huh?" Alex took a sip and set the mug down with care, mulling over her next words. The truth. "…I didn't want to get involved with a cop. Definitely not you."
Their eyes connected and Olivia said nothing but watched her with a simple question in her eyes.
"I think today explained why." Alex looked down, not knowing how to continue. She saw the images that haunted her dreams, of Olivia lying shot in the street somewhere, left for dead in the middle of the night; her phone ringing, her heart breaking at the news.
To get so close to someone, to let them in only for them to be ripped away. It would tear her apart and take forever to recover.
Those dreams only scratched the surface of her nightmares and the nights she woke in a cold sweat, reaching for her cell phone on the nightstand.
Sometimes they were so vivid. In a haze she'd lie half awake, half asleep, and jump when her cellphone rang, thinking this was the call she dreaded. Confused, staring at the ceiling stuck in mental limbo, she let it near the last ring before picking it up.
More often than not, it was Olivia.
"…Cabot."
"Hey Alex, sorry to bother you. I know it's late, but…we got a break in the case."
At Olivia's voice she'd close her eyes and sink into the bed's comfort. Other nights a simple text was all she needed.
"Hey", she'd grab her cell phone and type. Sometimes Olivia responded, sometimes she didn't.
"Shouldn't lawyers be asleep by now?"
"Apparently not this one. Cragen have you on duty tonight?"
" Yeah, Elliot and I are on 22nd sitting on a house."
"He's asleep, isn't he?"
"Sure is."
Olivia texted so fast. In a rush she sent messages in all lowercase. A sentence missing an end, cut somewhere in the middle, indicated she'd fallen asleep. It was a miracle most of those late-night texts were even sent.
Alex softly smiled at the memories, just like she smiled at those texts, but it quickly faded. "I had this one dream that came and went for years. Elliot calls me, he tells me to meet him at Mercy but not why. So, I do, and we end up on this elevator that slowly takes us down. The doors open and the hospital floor is freezing cold, dead silent, and then some voice from out of nowhere says they need us to confirm the identification of a body."
Olivia leaned back and looked away with a clench of her jaw.
"I turn to Elliot but he's gone, and suddenly I'm the only one on this whole floor, standing in this creepy room, looking at a dead person on a metal slab…and it's you."
Their gazes met and she hoped Olivia could see her truth or knew her well enough to figure it out on her own. She'd spoken as much vulnerability as she could, anymore and she'd break.
"If we were together Liv…I never would've gotten any work done."
Olivia looked down. "I thought the great Alex Cabot was unshakeable."
Unshakeable. That was the problem, Olivia held her on a pedestal, not expecting her to break or falter. So when she finally messed up, Olivia's disappointment magnified. Looking into Olivia's eyes she felt the full weight of her guilt...every time.
"You think too highly of me." Alex looked out the window, her throat tightening and her eyes beginning to burn.
The confident lawyer was only part of her, and love was a saturating grey that complicated her black and white ideals. The pursuit of answers, logic, that's what drew her to law. Something either was or wasn't. There was a solution or resolution to everything. This objectivity, drilled into her from the beginning days of law school, made her a great lawyer, not a great partner.
"Alex?"
Olivia was different. On the outside her aloof presence made her appear objective, but inside Olivia bristled with emotion. Yet, she was smart, in tune with herself and aware of her tendencies, enough to keep her emotions guarded and subdued, imprisoned in a cell of her making. Ironic as that was, it made her dangerous and infuriatingly complex.
"Alex."
She looked over and Olivia's eyes widened. "What?" Alex cleared away the tightness in her throat as Olivia stood. She took off her glasses, wiped her eyes, looked out the window, and waited for Olivia to leave the table. Alone, she'd have a moment to process the sudden emotion that overwhelmed her out of nowhere.
A hand touched her shoulder and she jumped against her will, eyes darting to the source, her heart thumping at their unexpected closeness as Olivia closed the space between them. "Liv." Alex warned and pressed her hand to Olivia's hip. "Don't. I'm fine. Really."
Olivia ignored her and wrapped both arms around her. Entombed in Olivia's embrace with her cheek squished against Olivia's stomach, Alex sighed her embarrassment and bit her lip. It was bad enough that Olivia witnessed her tears—a few drops still on the tabletop—but if Olivia didn't let her go, she'd fall apart, right in the middle of a coffee shop.
"Liv." Her voice weakened as she tried to pull away but Olivia locked her in. Then came the hand that rubbed and squeezed her shoulder. Tears welled in her eyes and her lip threatened to quiver. She put her elbows on the table and her face in her hands, slowly breathing through the emotion that tried to undo what little composure of hers remained.
'I'm sorry Liv.' She couldn't utter the words, but Olivia must've felt her despair. She pulled her in and leaned down close, shielding her tears from the rest of the world. The hand at her arm came to her neck, Olivia's thumb gently stroking the soft skin below her ear, but she said nothing.
