Chuck Versus the Birthday
By Steampunk . Chuckster
Summary: Agent Bryce Larkin's puzzling attempt to look up an old college friend after he disappears with U.S. Intelligence's top secret Intersect sends Larkin's betrayed partner Agent Walker to Echo Park, Los Angeles, California as Chuck Bartowski's birthday approaches. Slight AU of the pilot.
A/N: Thank you for reviewing! Please know, I appreciate it a lot.
Disclaimer: I don't own CHUCK or its characters. I'm not making money posting this.
Something hard snapped off of his curls and he shook himself, spinning to give Lester an incensed look. The shorter man immediately shrunk back. "S-Sorry I'm so sorrysorry, um, sorry, you just—I asked a qu-question and you didn't say anything and I needed to get your attention and the rubber band was right there so I used it and I'm so sorry it'll never happen again please don't murder me and drop me off the Santa Monica pier although if I gotta go that's a very nice place to do it."
"If I murdered you and dropped you off the Santa Monica pier, you'd already be dead and therefore wouldn't get the view," Chuck said through a clenched jaw.
"Oh shit good point. Don't kill me? I'm sorry?"
Chuck just sighed and rolled his eyes. "That isn't even close to the worst thing you've done and if I didn't kill you those other times…"
"Ah yes. Valid point." Lester cleared his throat and folded his fingers together in front of him in a scholarly manner. "And since I have your attention, Halloween is coming up and the usual spooktastic stuff is just…boring me an' Jeff this year. We need something with more jazz. More pizzazz. This? Orange and black streamers? That shitty little animatronic goblin bastard Morgan put up over there? Not cuttin' it, Charles, my dude. None of this is rock'n'roll. We need rock'n'roll." Lester raised his hands up above his head and sang, "Clap for the Wolfman…", clapping loudly three times, startling a nearby customer who gave him a dirty look before hurrying away.
Chuck shook his head. He just didn't care. They were headed into the second week of October and he frankly could not care less. Not about Halloween or spooktastic anything.
"Look. I'll tell you this and I don't want to have to say it again. Okay? Are you listening? Closely?"
"So closely. Eyes and ears wide wide open. Give it to me straight, Charles."
"Do whatever the fuck you want with the Buy More Halloween decorations. Literally, anything. As long as it doesn't make the building explode or harm a customer. I don't even give a fuck if Jeff accidentally cuts off one of his fingers again, okay? Just don't harm the building…don't harm a customer. Am I understood?"
Lester tilted his head thoughtfully. "I'll take it." He clapped Chuck on the shoulder. "Good talk, supervisor sir!"
As the man raced off to tell his other half the good news, Chuck left the Nerd Herd desk behind, letting his mind fall back into where it had been before the rubber band incident.
The same place his mind continued to travel back to in the quiet moments for the past few weeks, ever since his birthday and his life got flipped on its head.
Sarah.
The CIA.
The intel.
That email that still sat untouched in his inbox. Or, well, not exactly untouched. He noticed that it moved since then. Like they'd remotely gotten into the account, studied it, and deleted it. Only it hadn't been deleted. Because the next day, he noticed a new folder had popped up in the side panel. Labeled: NONE. And when he clicked into it, he saw the email from BeamReamLARPin sitting there, still unopened.
He'd gasped, clicked out of it, and downsized his email altogether, just staring at his desktop background of the Millennium Falcon. Everything in him had buzzed. And he'd taken out his phone, pulling up the phone number, that phone number he'd saved in his address book under Blue Eyes. He'd been so close to calling it, even texting it. But he thought there was a good chance that number would be disconnected by now. No way would she keep that phone. She was a CIA agent. She probably didn't keep any phones for a long period of time. It wasn't safe.
Chuck Bartowski's heart hurt thinking about her again.
Again.
As if he ever stopped.
And he hadn't. Not since watching her walk out of his apartment complex's courtyard for the last time.
Instead, he drowned in her. And he let himself drown, even as life continued on.
And the thing was, even with his heart hurting, even with the way he ached missing her, wanting to see her again even if it was just one last time, he wasn't a depressed husk. He didn't feel spite. Or like life had once again handed him a big giant L.
God, he felt grateful. So grateful.
That was an experience he'd think about for the rest of his life, and he'd certainly feel the ache of wanting more. He was only human. But mostly, he would feel blessed that it had happened. She'd been a gift, swinging into his existence, giving him a shot of life in an otherwise…fine existence. His life had been…fine. And then she appeared, like a whirlwind, and taught him how to live. Made him feel like more. Worthy of more.
Eventually, he'd take that and make something with it. He still had that game he was trying to write and code. He had confidence now that he hadn't had before. Because a woman who'd spent her whole adult life working for the CIA had entrusted him with the truth, had believed in him, respected him enough, his abilities enough, his strength enough, to be honest with him about some truly scary shit.
He'd kissed a spy. A spy had kissed him.
Over and over and over again.
Chuck would figure this all out eventually, but he wasn't in a rut anymore. He had a foothold thanks to Sarah the Spy. And he was gonna use that foothold to get into something better, something more meaningful.
At the very least, he didn't feel aimless anymore, or unmoored.
He felt purpose and direction.
And he felt it even more so when she drifted back into his head. All blue eyes and unbridled grin, the way her laugh sounded, how free and unguarded it was and how much of a gift it was that she'd let him experience it as often as she had.
Chuck would always, always want more than what they'd been given.
And he knew he would think about her all the time, for always.
But he chose to be grateful for what he'd been given, rather than angry it was cut off so soon.
He slid into the break room and went to his locker, yawning.
"Shift over already?" Big Mike asked, standing up from behind the fridge door, a plate with a piece of birthday cake on it in his hand. He lifted the cake. "Get a piece of cake yet? It was Skip's birthday yesterday and we had no choice but to celebrate while you were out on a call."
"Oh, I get it. No worries. I'm good. I've got food at home." He yawned again.
"Late night?"
"Uh yeah. Looking forward to a few days off. Thanks again for letting me have a mini-vacay, boss. I think I need it. Man, I was losing my patience a little at this nice old dude and I had to take some deep breaths to keep being polite. Not cool. I hate when I get like that."
Big Mike nodded, shutting the fridge door, setting down the cake and coming up to Chuck to put a fatherly hand on his shoulder. "Son, listen. We all go through it. Which is why we all need vacations here and there. It gets to you, being here so much." He tapped his temple. "It screws with your mind. Retail is wild. You gotta have a soul o' steel to be in retail."
"True." He widened his eyes.
"Take as many days as you need. Just call me if you need more time. We can handle things here. Besides, you've got lots of vacation time you haven't used and you gotta burn that up or corporate will be up my damn ass about it," he finished in an annoyed snap.
"Uh. Noted." Chuck winced.
"Good." Big Mike pointed at him. "Have a good vacation, son. Tell that lovely sister of yours I said hi. She's just lovely. Bunch'a sunshine, that one."
Chuckling, he took his messenger bag out of his locker and his jacket, and shut it up again. "You got it, Big Mike. Thanks. Catch you on the flip side."
"Yeah you will!"
God, it felt so good walking out of here, knowing he wouldn't have to come back until…well, until he wanted to. Until he felt rested enough to come back.
Holy shit, he was free.
To do what, he didn't know. He'd get a lot done on that game of his. Maybe he could marathon that new animated sci-fi space western everyone kept talking about at the Buy More. Maybe he'd splurge on a hotel room near the beach for a night or two and just enjoy himself.
As if he had that kind of money when he was trying to save up to move into his own place.
He could actually spend quality time with his sister. That'd be nice. He'd probably get roped into early morning runs with Awesome. Even that sounded kind of nice. Like torture, but still nice. Nice torture.
Chuck left through the front doors, waving to Fernando at the cash registers as he went, stepped through the bike racks, and moved around the corner to where the Herders were parked. Bike Mike didn't exactly say he could take one of the Herders while he was on vacation, but Ellie or Awesome could always drive with him to take it back some day and he'd hop in their passenger seat to get a ride back home again.
He unlocked the door of his favorite Herder. Why was it his favorite? Well, that was also inexplicable. He didn't really know why, he just liked it better than the others.
But before he could get in, a jet black Porsche buzzed into the side lot, sliding gracefully into the parking space beside him. It rumbled deliciously, just sitting there, glittering in the sunlight.
He couldn't see in through the tinted windows, and they were so tinted he thought it was maybe illegal, so he raised his voice over the motor and pointed out towards the main lot. "Hi! Um, sorry, but only Nerd Herd vehicles are allowed to be parked here. And, like…UPS and whatnot."
The driver's window slid down and he nearly fainted when it revealed a certain spy with blond hair, her blue eyes obscured by aviator sunglasses. She smirked up at him innocently. "Oh, that's my bad. I didn't see any signs or anything."
"Sarah," he breathed, his heart ramming in his chest wildly.
"Get in. Hurry."
Something about that made him snap to attention. He didn't think twice, locking the Herder back up again and rushing around the car, whipping open the passenger door, folding himself up to get into the seat, and shutting the door again.
Sarah put the car in reverse and peeled out of the loading zone, buzzing through the parking lot like a bat out of hell, thumping onto the main street and heading for the freeway.
"What're you—?" He couldn't catch his breath, just staring at her profile. God, he was shocked out of his mind. "You're here. I'm looking at you. I'm sitting in this…very nice Porsche looking at you. Oh my God."
She sent him a small smile, biting her lip. "I didn't mean to creep up on you like that. I knew you were here, working, but I didn't know when you were going to get off, so I waited in the lot and watched for you to leave."
"How long were you waiting?"
"Little over an hour."
"An hour?!" He huffed in frustration. "You should've told me, I would've left early! I was in there a whole hour while you were out here, and I could've been out here too. With you."
Her smile grew, and she turned bright eyes on him. "Still every bit as sweet as you were when I left you."
"I haven't changed in the twenty-six years I've been on this planet, likely not gonna happen in a handful of weeks."
Sarah snorted and he'd missed that sound so much. He was utterly flabbergasted, his mind was blown. And his chest felt like it might explode, he was so happy to see her.
"What-What is this? Did something go wrong? Am I being taken to a bunker?"
She gave him an offended look. "You think I'm taking you to a bunker? Everything I've been doing so far has been to make sure we keep you out of one."
"I'm sorry," he rushed. "I'm sorry, you just appeared out of nowhere and told me to get in."
"Because I didn't want anyone to see us. You aren't going to a bunker, Chuck. Trust me."
"I do. That's why all you had to say was 'get in' and I…Well, I got in."
Her smile was warm as she turned to glance at him, and then she slid onto the freeway and they were on their way. To…he didn't know where. He didn't need to know where. He trusted her.
"…Did something go wrong?"
"I'd feel safer talking once we're somewhere more secure," she said, reaching out to wrap her fingers around his forearm, squeezing.
Her cool hand on his skin, her grip on him, her touch, left him feeling almost crazy. After thinking he'd never see her again, and now this.
Chuck swallowed hard. "Right. F'course." There was a long, tense silence. And he felt the need to break through it. So he blurted, "So a Porsche, huh?"
Sarah smirked again under her stylish sunglasses. She'd curled waves into her hair, which she wore down around her shoulders, and she was wearing dark blue jeans, a pearl blouse, and a brown leather jacket. How was she real?
"Yeah, I get some perks with this job. There's enough of the bad stuff, so I take advantage of the perks. Hence…a Porsche."
"On the…erm…a-hem-h'agency's dime?" he asked, encrypting his language with a weird cough.
She giggled. "Yep."
"Hm." He bounced a bit in his seat, his knees poking up a little more than was comfortable. He freaking wasn't complaining. "Never been in a Porsche before, honestly." He ran his hand along the dashboard reverently. "Sleek as fuck."
Sarah laughed.
"But the ride isn't as smooth as I expected."
Her laughter stopped and she gaped at him, even as she weaved dangerously through traffic. "Are you shit-talking my car?!"
"No!" he exclaimed, whipping around to look at her. "Are you kidding me? You're talking to a guy who doesn't have a car and drives around in a company car that looks like a child's toy!"
Her laughter rang through the car and filled him with a fluttering sensation, and as she took the car back off of the freeway, going towards downtown, he found the wherewithal to reach out and clasp her right hand in his left one, squeezing.
She looked at him as she stopped at the light at the end of the offramp. "Hi," she breathed with a deep breath following it.
"It's so good to see you it feels like my insides are dying. I didn't think I was…gonna see you again." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "And I was prepared for that. I was…preparing myself for it at least. And then there you were. I just—I was just thinking about you and you slid in all smooth in your black Porsche like the extremely hot badass that you are."
Sarah widened her eyes, her eyebrows lifting above the sunglasses. Her cheeks pinked as well as she turned left on the green light, continuing their journey. "You were…thinking about me?"
"Pfft. Are you kidding? Do you think I've stopped for, like, even a minute?" He shook his head vehemently. "A guy doesn't just…move on from a woman like you."
She took another deep breath, shaking her head, pulling her hand from his to make a sharper turn. She barely slowed down for it, too, so he was happy to relinquish her hand back to her if it meant they stayed alive. "I almost let myself forget how easily you knock me back on my ass with the things you say."
Chuck pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. "Is that good? It doesn't…sound all that good."
"It's good," she giggled. "I'm a spy, I hate surprises. I hate not being in control of every single situation, not having contingency plans B, C, D, et cetera. And all of a sudden there's this freakin' guy who continues to surprise me, continues to throw me for a loop, and I can't get enough of it. What a rush."
He beamed at her, rubbing his sweating palms on his Nerd Herd pants. "That's…good. I wouldn't wanna…I mean, I'm glad you like it. It's not…something I do on purpose. I'm not trying to knock you over."
"I know. That's what gives it so much power." She smiled at him, making another turn.
He squirmed nervously then, noticing them getting deeper into the downtown area. "Sarah, can you…can you at least…can you tell me if I'm in danger?"
"I don't think you are," she said steadily, and he sighed in relief.
"Not another email fr—Right, right. Sorry. Secure area. Got it. Sorry." He winced at the sharp look she sent him.
The sharpness softened almost immediately and she reached out to squeeze his shoulder. It sent a wonderful shiver through him. "Just a few more minutes."
Chuck nodded. "You know, I almost…" He swallowed. "I almost thought to call you, or…or text. Just to see how you were. It was…stupid, I know." His smile was melancholy as he reached up to scratch behind his head. "As if you'd still have that phone activated. A friggin' sp—Well, you know." He cleared his throat. "Like I could just text you about the rude customer I had to deal with and you'd text back like 'Oh no! Let's have a non-encrypted, super not-secure text convo about it while I'm off on this big assignment!' Idiot." He poked himself in the chest and snorted self-deprecatingly.
Sarah frowned. "Oh. Yeah, I guess I probably wouldn't have been able to…"
"No, no. I know that. I know. I just thought about it. Because every time something happened, you were…the person I wanted to talk to about it."
"Chuck…" She made a soft humming sound, squeezing his arm again, before putting both hands back to driving. Then she cleared her throat. "You, uh…have me in your contacts still?"
"Yeah. Don't worry, it's under a code name, see?"
He tugged his phone out of his pocket and pulled up his contacts list, scrolling to B and holding it up to show her.
She glanced at it once, then whipped around to do a double take. "Blue Eyes? Is that me?"
Chuck lowered the phone again as she turned back to the road. He nodded. "Yeah. Your defining feature—erm, physically. It was the first thing I thought of when I changed it after you left."
"You changed it?" she asked softly.
"Well, yeah. Come on. Couldn't leave Sarah in there. And let bad guys know your real name? Or…well, I dunno, is it your real name? That's not…something I know. I probably can't know that, can I?" That made him frown, even as he understood. "I mean, also I have, like, two other Sarahs in my phone. From the past, like in college, which is stupid, I should probably just delete them, right? Why do we keep contacts for, like, ever when we haven't even talked to people in decades?"
"I missed you."
She guided the car into a side lot next to a high-rise hotel as he just stared at the side of her face, the way her cheeks turned pink, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. She reached up and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear, then turned into a parking space against a planter that had sago palms in it.
He realized he hadn't responded, his chest too full of things he couldn't name, and he shook himself. "I missed you too. So much. You have no idea."
"I think I do have somewhat of an idea," she said, shrugging one shoulder, turning to look at him as she turned off the car. She went straight for her seatbelt then, unbuckling it and getting out of the car with a, "Come on. Let's hurry."
And as they rushed into a side door, Sarah swiping her key, she breathed over her shoulder, "Try not to stick out too much."
Chuck nodded and followed her through a few corridors, pausing against the wall behind her as she stopped and peeked around the corner, before reaching back to take his hand and pulling him along again.
They slid into an elevator together and when the doors shut, she turned to face him, just staring up into his eyes, removing her sunglasses altogether. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and never let go, aching to have her arms around him, her lips on him. He didn't care where or how, he just needed her touch.
But something in the way she held back made him hold back too.
The elevator let out a ding and she rushed out, leaving a pleasant, clean scent of fresh linen in her wake. And thankfully she had his hand in hers and was dragging him along, otherwise he would've ended up left in the elevator stuck in a dreamlike state.
Within a minute, they stood at a green door, Sarah quick to swipe her key and step inside. She ushered him in after her and he stepped out of the way so that she could shut the door.
The moment it shut, she lunged for him, throwing her arms around his torso and pressing her face into his neck. He heard the key slip from her fingers to the floor with a quiet click and her hands dug into him, just clinging tight.
Chuck dropped his things at their feet and wrapped his own arms around her shoulders, pulling her in even closer, turning his face to bury it in her hair, taking a deep breath, relief and adrenaline both coursing through him as he pressed his lips to her temple.
He wasn't sure how long they stood in the silent embrace, their breathing synchronizing, their grip not letting up even a bit. But when he tried to move back, say something, anything, ask her what she was doing back, what was going on, she merely squeezed him tighter and gave a little head shake, nuzzling his neck with her nose.
"Not yet," she whispered. "Please. Just a little longer."
"Okay," he muttered desperately, kissing her temple again, feeling her shiver.
And finally, after another minute or two, she loosened her embrace, moving her head back to look up at him, and still she kept her grip on him, not stepping all the way away from him.
Chuck moved his hand to cup her face tenderly, leaning in to catch her eye. "Are you okay?"
Sarah swallowed and nodded. "I'm okay."
"Is something going on?"
"Yes," she said.
A chill went through him. "What is it? Is it about Br—"
He found her finger against his lips and he nearly rolled his eyes in frustration. This, after she said they'd talk when they found someplace more secure? What were they gonna do, hide in the bathroom and turn on the shower and sinks to drown out their voices?
But then she pulled out of his arms and hurriedly moved around the room, obviously checking for bugs, even tugging a device out of the drawer next to the bed and running it along surfaces, under the bed frame, over lamps, curtains, everywhere.
She stuffed it back into the drawer and sighed, peeling her jacket off and tossing it onto the bed, and then almost seeming to melt back against the wall she stood near. She was tired, but there was something else in her. A determination. And yet… Was that fear?
"Are we…clear?" he asked.
Sarah nodded. "Yeah. We are. No bugs. We can talk freely."
"What's going on? Talk to me." He closed the distance but kept a few feet there. If he went in any closer, he'd want to touch her again and that probably wasn't good for his concentration.
"First thing's first. Has anyone from the CIA contacted you since I left?"
He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "No. No one."
She sighed in relief. "Good. And you haven't…told anyone. About what happened. The email. The intel. Me…being a spy."
"No," he said, cutting his hand through the air between them. "Not about any of it."
Sarah smiled at him, her nostrils flaring, and she closed the rest of the distance, putting a hand on his chest, peering up at him with bright blue eyes. "I didn't think you would. But that's a really good thing. For all of us. That…that you're so trustworthy."
"What…I mean, let's say I did—and I didn't, I swear I didn't—but if I did? What would that mean?"
"Whoever you told might be in danger. Or might end up putting you in danger. Either one's possible."
Chuck let out a rough breath. "Oh God, I'm so glad I didn't say anything to Morgan. He pushed a little because he saw me leave with you during my birthday party. So did Ellie. She saw me leave with you too. And I played it off like it was a fun thing, a one night adventure, but that you moved. You left. And I knew you were going and that it wasn't gonna be a thing that lasted. They were both so bummed for me, I nearly…I mean, I thought about it for a second. But I never would've told them. That could've put you in danger. And I'd never do that."
She smiled softly, melting against him, her fingers curling against his chest. "I know you wouldn't."
"Why do you keep talking about danger?" he asked. "What happened?" His eyes went wide then as he realized what he'd been wanting to tell her, with his email. When he nearly called. "The email! Sarah, I got into my email a few days ago and saw that the Bryce one with the intel was gone. And it felt like…the end. You know? Like all of this was over, because it was like you said. Your CIA guys went in, scoped it, and deleted it. And I…had my account back. But then I saw this random…new file in my email. And when I clicked in, there it was. Bryce's email. Still there and unopened."
Sarah shut her eyes and winced. "Yeah. Uh…that was me. Sorry." She opened her eyes again, features still set in a wince. "I thought it was best I just sort of…scoot it to someplace safe others might not think to look if they got into your account. I didn't keep my fingers in your email to spy on you. I promise."
"That was you?" Relief spilled through him as she nodded, apology in her face. "Oh thank God. Oh, that makes me feel so much better. I don't know what I thought, but it freaked me out. It was… It was different from what you said would happen."
A smile swept over her face in stages. "I'm not in trouble?"
"No." He snorted. "I don't care if you look at my email. Oh no, I can't have a spy see my digital comic subscriptions, nooooooo," he teased, lifting his fist and shaking it. "What if she discovers I love Aquaman comics?!"
Sarah giggled, shaking her head. "I did miss you."
Grinning, he pulled her in a little closer. But then he watched her smile dim, a certain seriousness overcoming her beautiful features. Chuck frowned.
"I went to Langley, Chuck. Like I said I was going to. And when I got there, my superior told me that Bryce had returned the intel to them."
He furrowed his brow. "You mean…you returned it to them. Because you had it. You took the email back with the intel…thing. Intersect? Was that it?"
"No, you don't get it. I'm not explaining it well. Before I said anything about having it, he told me Bryce sent it back, Chuck."
"I'm…very confused."
"So was I. But I kept quiet, letting him talk. Bryce did send the Intersect back to them. They think the heat got to be too much for him, he second guessed what he was doing, or maybe he had a flare up of his conscience. Whatever it was, he sent it back where he'd stolen it from."
Chuck looked to the side, still extremely confused. "That doesn't make any sense. If he sent them the intel he stole, what'd he send me?"
"A copy," she said. "He made a copy of the Intersect and sent that to you, then sent the original back to Langley."
"What the fu—Why? Why would he send me a copy?"
"I didn't know at the time, Chuck. I had no idea. I don't even know how he was able to make the copy in the first place. It's not like…copying your résumé. This thing is massive and took years to build. Years."
"What's going on? What is he up to? What'd—What'd your boss have to say when you showed him the email? I-I mean, the copy Bryce sent to me?"
She pressed her lips together tight, her jaw hardening, eyes turning to icy blue steel. "I didn't show it to him. I kept it from him. I didn't say anything about it. I…pretended no one sent anything to you, that nothing out of the ordinary happened when I was here. I lied to him, Chuck."
His brown eyes shot wide open and he took a step back. She let him go, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. "What?! I don't understand. Wasn't that the plan, to bring it back to your superiors?"
"It was. Yeah. But they have their Intersect back, Chuck. They have what was taken from them. And if I were to tell them about what Bryce sent you, that would keep you in the CIA's sights. It would keep Charles Irving Bartowski on our radar. And who knows what they might find out about you? That you're brilliant, for instance. That you have talents that far surpass anything I've ever seen when it comes to technology."
He frowned, confused. "That would be bad?"
"They'd never leave you alone again, Chuck. Once they find a use for you, there's no escape. Ever. It would change your life forever. This way, they can just assume you're…"
"…nobody," he finished for her. "Like I've always been. Just a guy working at the Buy More. Nothing special. Just a fluke that Bryce happened to look me up. The way anybody does a…Facebook search of someone they knew in college out of curiosity." He nodded, crossing his arms.
He felt Sarah eyes on him.
He didn't know how to take her actions. Because he knew her actions were protecting him. And he also knew the alternative was that maybe somebody, the freaking CIA of all agencies, might see some worth in him. Finally. Maybe he'd do work that challenged him.
"You aren't nobody, Chuck. That's the first thing. But trust me. I've been in the CIA for almost a decade now and it's never what you think it'll be. Your life won't be anything like this, like it is now. Not if they know there was a reason why Bryce sent that email to you and no one else. He sent it to you because you're special."
Chuck shook his head, not understanding a lick of this. "But we don't know why he sent it to me."
"I do. Now." He just stared at her, trying to put puzzle pieces together in his head, when he was missing way, way too many pieces. "I saw him, Chuck. He came and found me."
He backed up until he felt the backs of his knees bump into her bed and he sat heavily, his legs giving out. Sarah was there in a flash, grabbing his arms, sitting next to him, her hip pressed right up against his. "Bryce? You saw Bryce… What did he say? Did he tell you why he sent the Intersect to me?"
She nodded.
"Why?!"
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He did his best to be patient. That couldn't have been easy for her, seeing an ex so suddenly, after he stole intel from their employer, absconded with a top secret program that had even more top secret intel, betrayed her.
"Like I said, Chuck… You're special. Extraordinary is the word he used and I'm…I'd have to agree with him on that. You're extraordinary." That didn't feel like a good enough reason. "The capacity of your brain is thought to be enough that if you did…take that information into it, you'd be okay. But what's more, Bryce was sure you're the only person incorruptible enough to have that much power without using it for…"
"Evil?" he breathed, looking straight ahead. Her hand landed on his, wrapping his palm up in her fingers and squeezing. "He said that? That he thinks everyone else would get corrupted by the power?"
"Yes. Including the CIA."
"Then why'd he bring the original back to them?"
"To keep them from finding you."
"What the fuck? I'm so confused." He fell backwards against the mattress and covered his face with his hands. He felt her hand on his stomach, comforting and reassuring, keeping him grounded. "If he doesn't want them finding me, why send me a copy?"
"Last resort… If the CIA starts using this intel for bad, if it becomes something they abuse, or if it falls out of their possession into the hands of someone who will use it for…"
"World domination…?"
"You're using words that are a lot more melodramatic and a lot nerdier than I'd use, but…yes. Pretty much." He moved his hands to look up at her with a flat look and she shrugged cutely with a wince. "He knows that you'd be able to…counteract that…evil…with your goodness."
"Fighting the darkness with the light," he breathed, shaking his head. He pushed himself to sit up next to her again. "That's madness. He wants to protect me from the CIA, but he also wants me to have this thing I can use as a weapon to save the planet from the bad guys when they get the same power and try to take over the world? That's fucking madness. That's some weird shit, Sarah."
"I'm not exactly onboard. I think he's a hypocrite. I think he acted like an idiot when you guys were at Stanford, he took the choice from you, he stole your ability to make that decision on your own…" What?! "Fast forward a couple of years and he's sending it to you to smash it into your head and potentially make you into a vegetable anyway. It's fucking asinine," she finished with a growl.
But he was still stuck on…
"Wait, wait. What are you talking about with Stanford? What do you mean, he didn't let me make a decision on my own?"
She swallowed and reached up to stroke her fingers down his face, settling whatever it was rushing around in his chest. He was absolutely nervous, something buzzing awfully inside of him. He couldn't catch his breath either.
"Chuck…"
"What is it, Sarah? What happened at Stanford? Just tell me." He had a terrible feeling she knew about him getting kicked out. And not only that, it seemed like she knew even more than he did.
"Bryce was recruited by the CIA at Stanford at the end of his freshman year, and it took a bit longer for you to get on their radar, so that by the time they fed you their test in your physics professor's class, you thought it was just a final or something probably, but…" She licked her lips, looking reluctant to say all of this. But she was still saying it. The truth. Again. And he just knew this was going to hurt. Whatever it was. He was bracing himself. "The CIA gave you an aptitude test of sorts, but it wasn't like the ones you usually get. After I spoke to Bryce, I did some research of my own. The test they gave you, it was…for this. The same thing Bryce sent. To see if you could handle it. Without your brain turning to mush. They gave it to all of their test subjects."
A chill wracked through his body. "I took a test in physics, end of junior year. It was weird…it was on a Saturday. Just me and prof. He said it was for an internship of some sort, and it was super bizarre because nothing on the test—I mean, it didn't make sense, taking that test for a physics class, because it had everything. Not just physics. Stuff I didn't even…know how to answer. I just did my best. I was sure I fucked the whole thing up and wasn't getting that internship."
"You got the internship, Chuck. Well, you were going to. Chuck, Bryce told me that no one in the history of that test, any of their tests, has ever gotten a perfect score. You did."
His heart fell through him, through the mattress he sat on, and plopped into the floor. "What?"
"Perfect, Chuck. You are a marvel, a once in a lifetime marvel, and they had their sights on you with laser precision. You were going to be pulled into the CIA with none of the usual protocol, they were going to fast track your training, skip over the Farm altogether, and immediately get you into their labs to prepare you to have the Intersect put into your brain."
Chuck shot up from the bed and began to pace, shaking his hands out. It felt awful, the way they were tingling. "H'oh. Oh my God. I can't breathe. Am I having a panic attack? I might be. They were going to make me into an intel weapon? I was twenty-one and they were—Because of a test? One test?"
"It was a very special test, Chuck." She rose to her feet as well, much more slowly than he had, playing with her fingers in front of her body nervously.
"They didn't take me away though. They didn't do any of that. A few days after that test, that's when the—" He froze. It all made sense now. And oh God, it hurt. It hurt worse than he thought it would. "Bryce. Bryce was the one who told them about the answers in my desk. I didn't know which test it was even for and they wouldn't tell me. But Bryce put the answer sheet in my desk, making it look like I stole them." He lifted his gaze to Sarah, and she was watching him with deep sadness, her shoulders slumped. "They thought I got a perfect score because I stole the answers. And they didn't recruit me. Instead, they expelled me from Stanford altogether."
Chuck didn't waste time moving back to the bed. He just sat down on the floor of her room, covering his face.
He heard quick footsteps and Sarah's arms were around him as he let himself feel everything crash through him. The heartbreak, the betrayal, the terror, the confusing mixture of all of it together.
He let himself fold in against Sarah, let himself be held by her, and she hugged him tighter, her lips pressed into his hair.
"I'm sorry, Chuck," she said, her breath playing with one of his curls.
He wasn't crying. It was like how snow was less likely to fall when it got too cold. This hurt too bad, so bad his eyes couldn't form tears. But he sucked in a deep breath, almost a sob, and turned his face into Sarah's shoulder as she knelt beside him.
"Why?" was all he was capable of.
"I'll tell you what he said, but I don't want you to think I'm…I dunno, that I'm excusing it or that I condone what he did, the decision he made for you. He thought it would kill you. If not physically then…everything that makes you…who you are. Everything that makes you great."
"Bullshit," he snapped.
He felt her hands move against his back and shoulder, squeezing tighter. "He made the decision to frame you as a cheater so that they took their sights off of you. He didn't think anything else would stop them from doing this to you. Your test was too impressive. The opportunity too great. They'd never let you go."
That was his decision. It was his decision and Bryce took it from him. He blew a rough breath out through his lips and rested his hand on Sarah's hip. "Why didn't he talk to me first? He could've at least told me, he could've let me decide. Instead he just…ruined my life. He ruined my life."
He pulled back, pushing his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath, and dragging his hands down his face. "I worked so hard to do everything right. With it being just Ellie and me, it took so much to pull myself out from…the shit my parents dropped us into, and I was excelling in all of my classes. I had internships lined up. Grants. Scholarships. I was gonna get a good job." He turned to look at her. "He stole it all from me."
"I know," she whispered, nodding. "That's who he's always been though. He thinks he knows best for everyone, in every situation. He decided to ruin your life…to try to save it. I guess." It didn't seem like she condoned it, the way her features were so piqued, anger in her eyes.
"My future is a fucking wasteland. He could've at least let me—I mean, I don't know what I would've done if he'd told me, if I'd take the chance with the CIA, let them put that thing in my head, or if I would've opted not to. But he could've at least told me."
"By that point, he'd already learned some of what the CIA is capable of, Chuck. It's something I'm also well aware of…"
"And what's that?" he asked, his voice shaking. He pulled his knees in close to his chest and stared at her numbly.
"They already had you, Chuck. There was no decision. Not for you. They weren't going to let you opt out or say no. With a perfect test score, with what you were accomplishing in your classes, and everything else they knew about you, there was no way they were letting you go." She sighed. "I don't know the details, how they told him, whether he decided right then and there, if he had any opportunity to go to you and warn you. I have no idea."
"I wish he would've at least tried," he said brokenly.
She pushed her hand through his hair comfortingly. "Me too."
"So that's why he sent it to me now. He knows my test score was actually that good. That if anybody could take it and survive it, it'd be me."
"And he knows that you have the moral compass, the strength of character, the heart…unrivaled heart…not to be corrupted by the power. He told me he's absolutely positive there isn't anyone in the world who can keep it safe the way you can."
"I'm not a spy. He made sure of that. And I fucking hate guns. I'm not going anywhere near any guns."
She nodded. "You don't have to be a spy to be a good person. And I dunno, frankly, spy craft could learn some things from someone like you but I'm glad you…aren't a spy. I might never have met you if you were."
His eyes fluttered as she stroked his hair again. "We'd both be spies, though. That'd be super cool. We could be spies…together."
She sighed, more of her weight pressing against him, her lips pressing to his temple. "You'd be the spy with all of the world's intelligence agencies' most classified secrets in his head, Chuck. I doubt they'd let me anywhere near you. Ever. For any reason. Nobody would be let anywhere near you."
Chuck swallowed hard, a chill going through him. "I'd be like…an intel feeding machine. Is that what you're insinuating?"
"I don't know that they wouldn't have tossed you into a lab in a hidden bunker."
"That's totally fucked."
"Unfortunately, that's who they are sometimes." She paused, looking down. "We. It's who we are sometimes. I can't separate myself from it." She shifted her legs to sit on the floor, her arms still around him as she scooted in as close as she could without literally crawling into his lap. He wouldn't mind it if she did. She was the only thing keeping him from absolutely losing it. "There are…bits of light. My superior understanding that I've had it kind of…rough the last few months and giving me some time to recuperate, get my head on straight again, for instance. He could've continued to force me to just plow through. There's nothing in writing that says he can't. But he chose not to."
"I probably wouldn't get that kind of grace, huh? With that thing in my head, I'd be too valuable."
"Too priceless. Letting you go where anybody could get at you?"
He slumped against her again, letting her hold his weight, resting his head on her shoulder. "This feels worse than I thought it was gonna feel. And I'm confused. I don't know if I hate him less or more now that I've learned the truth. All I know is it hurts. Really bad."
Sarah sighed, resting her cheek in his hair, rubbing his back. "I'm hurting for you; I can't imagine how much worse you feel. I…" She paused, going tense. "I wish I could take it away. Make it better." Her words came out rushed, nervous, like she didn't know how to say things like this. Like she wasn't sure if she was doing it right.
He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. "You can't," he said. And then he leaned in to kissed her cheek. "But that's very nice. Thank you."
He saw an apparent blush where he'd just kissed her as she smiled and ducked her head, looking into her lap. A one-note giggle even came through her nose.
Something occurred to him then. "Wait. If you didn't tell your boss about the copy of the super secret intel thing, what'd you do with it?"
She was biting her lip again, still staring down at her lap. "I took it out to a bridge over the Potomac where Bryce found me…"
"You destroyed it? The copy Bryce wanted me to have? He didn't stop you?" he asked, turning to face her better. And now they'd both conspired against him, taking away his ability to make a choice about his own destiny for himself.
"By that point, there was nothing he could've done to get it back from me and he knew that better than anybody, so he said it was up to me to do with it what I thought was right."
"So you tossed it over the side of the bridge," he muttered. "I know you were trying to keep me safe, to make sure I have some sense of…normalcy still in my life. I understand. I just wish…I could've had the choice."
Sarah nodded. "…That's what I thought, too."
Chuck sent her a startled, confused look.
"Bryce pissed me off so bad. We were talking it all through and I was just…I was furious. And I kept thinking about all of the ways he put you in danger all over again, after he made this massive, life-changing decision he thought would keep you safe from the CIA. He just stuck you right back in the thick of it again and I was so angry, and I was so ready to cancel it out, toss that shit into the river. And the more I talked to him, the more I thought about you, about what he took from you, about what I might've done in his shoes—I-I don't have the answer to that, by the way, I have no idea what I would've done. Maybe I would've tried to…get word to you somehow. I don't know." She shook her head. "But Bryce told me it was my choice, to take the copy back to you where it belonged, or to destroy it. And then he walked away. And I took the drive out of my pocket, I just stared at it, you know? And the more I looked at it, the more I thought of just how wrong Bryce was. I took it from you."
Chuck furrowed his brow, not sure where she was going with this. And then she climbed up to her feet and went to the closet, disappearing for a moment as he heard the soft beeping and eventual buzz of a safe being unlocked. Sarah reappeared, emerging from the closet, and rushed back to sit beside him, again as close as she could get.
She thrusted the hard drive into his hands.
"I'm giving it back. I'm giving it back to you, Chuck. It isn't mine. It never was. It's yours. It's always been yours. Which means the decision is yours too. I can't go back in time and fix it, give you the chance to decide what to do when you were twenty-one and at Stanford. But I can make it so that you get to make the choice this time. And I guess this is…what I choose, Chuck." She closed his fingers over the hard drive and squeezed.
"This is really a copy of the thing I was meant to get in my head five years ago…The Intersect," he breathed. "It's right here…? In my hands…?"
"Yes," she said nodding. "Bryce said that's what it is and while I'm…angry with him and a whole slew of other emotions are…raging in my gut when it comes to that man, I do believe that he cares about you a great deal. He might not have shown it properly, and maybe the last five years you were living not knowing why he did what he did, or what was behind everything else that happened. But he does care, and now he's…alone."
Chuck hung his head. "Sarah, this…" He looked up at her earnestly, clenching his jaw to keep it from quivering with the emotions he had roiling in him. "Thank you," he said. "Thank you, not for bringing this to me but for giving me a choice. Letting me decide. You have no idea how much it means to me—I-I mean, after everything, it…" He huffed, blinking to keep the tears at bay. This had been an awful lot. "I think Bryce is wrong. I don't think I'm the only one who'd do a lot of good with this." He lifted the hard drive. "You would too, Sarah. I one hundred percent believe that."
She tilted her head and pouted at him. It turned into a shy smile. "That's very sweet, Chuck. But you don't know me. Or what I've done, what I've been. What I'm capable of. I'm ruthless. Much too ruthless to be trusted with this kind of power." She laid her fingers on the drive.
"Ruthless…ly amazing…" He made an embarrassed face immediately and let out a self-deprecating chuckle as she raised her eyebrows and chuckled with him. "That was pretty terrible, yeah…"
"Maybe," she teased, beaming at him, bumping him with her shoulder.
He snorted and turned to look at her some more, and he made a decision. "I don't know what I want to do with this, but…for right now, will you keep it safe for me? I-I need to walk outside for a few minutes. Just around the block or somethin'…" He didn't see any hurt in the way she pulled back a bit, nodding. "I'm sorry. It isn't to…get away from you. You're the only thing in my existence right now that…makes sense. You're the only reason I haven't crumbled yet." She sighed, her eyes softening. "I just need to think on my own. I'm not ready to decide anything about…any of this. All I've decided for now is that I need some fresh air and to move my legs."
Sarah took a deep breath. "I'll guard it with my life."
"Don't go that far. I value your life much, much more than I do that thing." She gave him a wide-eyed look. "You were honest with me, I'm just being honest with you back." He leaned in to give her a long kiss, slipping the drive onto her lap as he did.
And when he pulled back, he climbed to his feet, leaving her with her eyes still shut, lips pursed, hard drive propped in her lap.
He walked out of the hotel room and didn't stop until he got into the elevator.
The tears didn't come until the elevator doors shut.
A/N: Emotionally painful, I know. But when you really grind all of that stuff that happened at Stanford down, it's an incredibly rough thing. Both the decision Bryce felt like he had to make, and the repercussions of all of it, and in canon, the way all of it went down for Bryce...man, that kid was just trying to save his best friend, and he sacrificed a shit ton, including things it wasn't really his right to sacrifice because it wasn't his life. And he knew it all. And you can see the hurt throughout all of those scenes.
That doesn't even take into consideration how bad it must've felt for Chuck, finding out the truth. And they did all that in the first SEASON?! The first handful of episodes?! Like, DAMN show. I wanted to explore that and I hope I did it with compassion and grace and gave it the time it deserved. I don't think they had the time to do it in the show, as rushed and volatile as their scheduling was, never knowing if they were being canceled or not.
Thanks for reading! Please review?
-SC
