Chapter 9 - Anxiety

Jon tried to put it off. He knew it wouldn't go over well, and he had only reached a precarious level of trust with the kid.

But in the end, after two reminder calls from social services, Jon couldn't put it off anymore. Shawn hadn't been to a doctor in years. He had no recorded vision or hearing tests, no one had looked at his height or weight or blood pressure in years, and his immunization record left Jon wondering how he'd ever been allowed in school.

He debated about whether to give the kid a long lead time, so he could get used to the idea, or whether to spring it on him the day of so he didn't have time to work himself up. He ended up giving him a day.

It was over dinner one night, a little less than three weeks into Shawn's stay. "You don't have anything planned for after school tomorrow, do you?" It wasn't really a question; Jon already knew the answer.

"I thought maybe I'd go over to Cory's. Why?"

"I'm taking you to the doctor after school."

Shawn literally jumped up from the table. "No. No doctors."

"Shawn, they're not going to hurt you."

"I don't trust doctors."

"Sorry, kid. My hands are tied."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's policy for foster kids." He decided now wasn't the time to bring up the fact that they were eventually going to need to make a dentist appointment, too.

"Well, I'm not going."

"Tomorrow after school."

"No way!"

"You gonna fight me on this?"

Shawn glared at him and stormed up to his room. Jon didn't see him for the rest of the evening.

He did come down on time to leave for school the next morning. He refused to eat breakfast, and he didn't talk much, but he perked up a little when Jon offered him a ride on his bike. That always got him in a better mood.

As they put on helmets, Jon told him, "You're going to meet me out in the parking lot after school, right?"

Shawn just looked away.

"I can come pick you up at the end of your last class if I have to."

"I'm not sick, Jon. Why do I have to go to the doctor?"

Jon wasn't going to get into the details of why regular check ups were necessary. Shawn wouldn't hear him out on that. Instead, he just said, "Your social worker made me schedule the appointment."

"Can't you cancel it?"

"I could. But then I would have to reschedule it. Let's just get this over with, Hunter."

"I don't like doctors," Shawn said softly.

Jon patted him on the shoulder. "It's not my favorite thing either. Try not to think about it too much, all right?"

Shawn shrugged. Jon climbed onto the bike, and Shawn slid in behind him. His hands came to rest at the sides of Jon's waist, like they always did, but he was a lot stiffer than usual, and he bolted away from the bike almost as soon as they reached the school.

Jon didn't think much of it throughout the school day. To be fair, he didn't see much of the kid on most days. Jon was the cool teacher on campus, but it wasn't cool to be seen with a teacher, even the one who wore a leather jacket and carried a motorcycle helmet. And Shawn seemed to have taken another step. It was one thing to be hanging out with the coolest teacher at the school; it was a whole different level of social suicide to be seen hanging around your own parent.

Shawn showed up in the parking lot right on time. Jon came out of the building, both of their helmets in tow, to see Shawn anxiously shifting his weight from one foot to another as he stood beside the bike.

"This will be over in an hour, kid. A thing of the past."

Shawn didn't say anything. Just slipped on the helmet and climbed onto the bike behind Jon. If his arms and legs had been stiff before, it was nothing compared to now. He was almost shaking.

Jon considered commenting on it, but he decided against it. No use embarrassing the kid on top of terrifying him. He couldn't have said anything during the drive, but he also refrained from saying anything as they walked up to the building. Shawn's eyes darted from place to place, as if he was suspicious that anybody could be a murderer.

Jon got them checked in, and they both took a seat in the waiting room. Shawn fidgeted in his seat, shaking his leg, tapping at the armrest, leaning his head all the way back and then dropping it all the way forward.

"Try to relax." Jon put a hand on his back. He frowned—the muscles were tight, almost trembling. "Shawn, what happened last time you went to the doctor?"

"I don't know, I don't remember." He scowled. "My dad never made me get checkups."

The door to the hall opened. "Shawn Hunter?"

Shawn froze.

"Go on in." Jon took his hand off Shawn's back and patted his knee. He would have gone in with the kid, but he wasn't sure what the protocol was. He also didn't know exactly what they were checking for or how much they were going to have to undress him, if at all—Hunter would not want Jon to be around for that.

It took longer than he wanted it to, but the kid finally stood and followed the nurse down the hall.

At last, Jon was able to relax. Shawn would probably be sullen and withdrawn for the rest of the evening, but Jon could deal with that. It was nothing he didn't deal with every day. His part in all of this was done. He looked around for a magazine to flip through, and found only ones with a ton of medical ads, so he settled back in his seat and resigned himself to just wait.

He wasn't sure how long this kind of check up was supposed to take. But it was only 10 minutes before the nurse who had called Shawn in came out and approached Jon. "Are you Mr. Hunter?"

Jon did a double take. "No, but I am Shawn's foster dad. Is everything OK?"

"Would you please step inside? The doctor would like to speak to you."

Jon could feel his heart starting to pound hard. He stood and followed her down the hallway, until they were out of earshot of anybody else in the waiting room.

"What's going on here?" Jon asked.

A man in a white lab coat joined them, and he said, "Your son made a run for it. As far as we can tell, he's left the building."

"As far as you can tell? Did no one have eyes on him?"

"I brought him to his examination room," the nurse said. "I told him to wait for the doctor."

Jon felt his jaw clenching. He was gonna murder that kid.

"Was there anything going on with Shawn?" the doctor asked.

"Ah. Kid has pretty severe anxiety about going to the doctor."

"Well, that explains it," the nurse said. "I should have suspected something, with his heart rate..."

"What was wrong with his heart rate?"

"It was like he was sprinting."

Jon's anger melted into sympathy. He knew Shawn was scared. He had no idea he was that scared. "No one saw where he went?"

Both of the doctor and the nurse shook their heads.

Jon sighed. There weren't many places the kid could be. They weren't far from the Matthews, or from their own apartment building. "Thanks for letting me know," he said, and he headed out.

He went home first, figuring if he didn't see Shawn there, he could make phone calls. There was no need. Shawn was sitting on the couch, watching TV.

Jon came over and turned it off, looking down at Shawn and crossing his arms.

"Oh, hey, Jon. They said I'm healthy, I can go home."

"Do you wanna try that again?"

Shawn hesitated, his eyes searching Jon's.

"Let me rephrase. Do you want to tell me what really happened, or you want to be grounded for lying?"

Shawn let out a sound of distress. "I couldn't stay there, man! Doctors freak me out."

"You're sure you've never had a bad experience?"

"I would have to remember going to a doctor to remember having a bad experience."

"Shawn, it's not that bad."

"I just couldn't sit there any longer. Please, Jon, you can't make me go back."

"Shawn… It's not up to me."

Shawn slouched deeper into the couch.

Jon let out a long breath. He was going to regret this. "What do you want?"

"What?"

"You're making me resort to bribery. What do you want?"

"You're bribing me?"

"I can threaten, if you'd rather."

Shawn examined him, then said, "A hundred dollars?"

"Nice try. Something reasonable."

"Like what?"

"Like...a late bedtime tonight, or trip to the movies, or out to get ice cream."

Shawn looked down at his lap and shrugged. "I like cake."

Jon blinked a few times. "Uh. Sure. I'll take you to a bakery. Now, can we get going before they make us reschedule the appointment for real?"

Shawn shifted his weight, and Jon thought they were back to where they started, but then he got up and followed Jon out to the bike. This time, he gripped Jon around the waist a lot tighter than he ever had. It broke Jon's heart, knowing the kid was facing so much fear and there was nothing Jon could do about it. He knew the kid hadn't really been convinced by the bribe; he had just figured out that he wasn't going to win this one, and accepting the consolation prize.

After a brief talk with the receptionist, Jon and Shawn were sitting in the waiting room again. This time, when the nurse called Shawn in, Jon went with him.

They sat in the empty examination room for a couple of minutes, Shawn fidgeting for all he was worth. Jon kept his hand on the kid's back anyway, patting and rubbing gently every so often.

The doctor came back and began the examination without making any comment about Shawn running away. Shawn got through the basic tests without a problem. His vision was fine; he passed the hearing test. The doctor looked into his eyes and ears and listen to his heartbeat, and he didn't seem to be concerned. Shawn looked nervous when the hammer came up to test reflexes, but it was over quickly, and it clearly didn't hurt.

The whole thing only took a few minutes. The doctor stood up straight, picked up his clipboard, and said, "Well, he's a little underweight, but he's pretty healthy. The nurse is going to bring in the inoculations, and then you'll be good to go."

"Wait, what?" Shawn asked.

"Thank you, doctor," Jon said. He wasn't sure whether Shawn knew what that word meant, but he had a pretty good idea exactly how this was going to go over.

The doctor left them alone, and Shawn turned to Jon. "What does that mean?" The tone of his voice left no doubt in Jon's mind that he knew exactly what it meant.

"It'll be over in five minutes."

He stood up. "I got through the exam. Let's just go now."

"Hunter, sit down."

"I can't get shots, Jon. I can't."

"Look, a lot of people are afraid of needles—"

"It's not needles. I used to sell blood to a guy in the trailer park all the time, he had a contact... That's not the point. It's the idea of something being injected into me."

"Do you think it's not safe?"

He got up from the table. "I think it's creepy! I'm not gonna—" Shawn almost ran headlong into the nurse, who was coming in with a tray.

"All right then, someone tells me you're a little behind on vaccinations."

"I'm allergic," Shawn said quickly, backing into the table.

The nurse looked up at Jon, who shook his head, rolling his eyes. She smiled and turned back to Shawn. "A little nervous?" She put a hand on his arm.

"What? Me? No, I'm not nervous." He sat down quickly.

It took Jon a second to figure out why Shawn had shifted. Rather, it took a second look at the nurse. She was pretty. Blond hair pulled back, and she didn't seem to be wearing much makeup, but her scrubs didn't do much to mask the curves, and her face was effortlessly perfect.

"Oh, good," she said. "Roll back your sleeve for me?"

Shawn froze for just a moment before he said, "OK, fine, you got me. I'm terrified."

"Hey. It's a little pinch, then it's over."

"H-how many?" He rolled up his sleeve, but his eyes were on the tray.

"Four."

"Four? Are you out of your mind?"

"Shawn!" Jon yelled.

"It's OK, I got this," the nurse said, smiling at Jon, and then she turned to Shawn, rolling back his sleeve for him. "You want to hear a weird trick I learned in nursing school?"

He shrugged.

"OK, cough three times."

Shawn gave her a look, but he did. He winced a little on the second one. "Oh, that wasn't that bad."

"What did I tell you?"

She was able to get through the rest quickly, and Shawn let his breath out. Jon felt the relief flooding through him as well.

"Can I go now?" Shawn asked.

Jon looked over at the nurse, who smiled. "Just need to talk to you for a minute."

Jon nodded to Shawn. "Go wait for me by the bike."

Shawn waved at the nurse, and he strode out of the examination room.

Jon shook his head, and he looked over at the nurse. "Thanks for calming him down."

"Years of experience."

"Nah, I think you just got lucky. He has a thing for hot blondes."

He figured out that that had been the wrong thing to say about a half a second before she gave him the look.

Jon rubbed his forehead. "I'm sorry, it's been a long day."

She gave him a sympathetic look. "I was just going to say, when you bring him back next month, ask for Nurse Ashley. If I'm in, I can be the one to inject him."

"Next month? He'll need more shots that soon?"

"He's pretty behind. Four weeks, and you don't need an appointment, just drop in."

Jon grimaced. "I should get going. I promised him cake." Then he shook his head; he seemed to be saying all the wrong things today. "Guess you think I'm a bad foster parent for giving him all that sugar."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I think he's earned it. And honestly, he could stand to put on some weight."

"Right." Jon finally returned her smile. "Thanks, Ashley."

"See you soon."

Jon followed her out, and he went down to meet Shawn at the bike. Shawn put on his helmet. "Now can I get my piece of cake?"

Knowing he'd regret it, Jon said, "Kid, I'll buy you two."

Shawn grinned, and Jon didn't care if he regretted it later. It was worth it for that look on Shawn's face.