16

It took a little longer than he had predicted but in the end he was right, as always. Just not the confrontation he had expected.

"Do you have a moment Boss?"

Ianto grimaced as he looked up from the report he was reading, taking in the five men in the doorway and their nervous yet righteous demeanour. Here we go. "Of course, come on in."

They took their time to choose seats, move three more from the side of the room. Once they had finally settled Ianto placed the file down and shifted in his chair to be fully facing them. He waited for the one in the middle to speak as these were not Meatsticks so they acted differently. Their leader was front and center where it was obvious.

Clearly not ready for combat.

"We are representatives of the peoples" the man began, his voice cracking with nervousness and Ianto canted his head. This was to be some sort of… negation for something? Why were they here if not to organize a sparring match for something? Ianto was confused but hid it well, instead waiting for the next thing they wanted to say.

"We would like to organize…"

Ah, here it comes. Ianto tried not to react.

"We want to have a public vote on who is running things around here."

Huh?

"I know things have been run in a military way but we are not all military and we have been tlkaing…"

Oh. Have you now. And who are 'you' then? Ianto still remained impassive.

"… we need to elect the people who are making the decisions that affect us all!" the man finished, folding his arms like he had really struck a blow for humanity, the four horsemen of stupidity nodding as well.

"I see… so… you want to arrange your own spokespeople to speak with me about things? Like… a council?" Ianto canted his head "Our liaison is unsatisfactory?"

"No. That's just it. Instead of you" the man actually pointed his finger at Ianto for emphasis and Ianto felt a giggle bubbling deep down so he swallowed. They thought they could… what…. Vote him out? Vote him off the planet or something? Oh my. This was… delightful.

"Now then, how would you hope to proceed?" Ianto asked, the amusement in his voice noticeable as he tapped a finger on the desktop.

"Well, a public meeting that was well publicized, then we have an election of people, like a council I guess, like you said. Then those in charge… govern" the man shrugged.

"So, you've all been talking about it, have decided to vote me out of office or whatever, come here to inform me and not a single one of you even had the decency to tell me your name?" Ianto asked in a deep, low voice that would have had Jack and any Meatstick in the vicinity backing away slowly.

"Yes. You've done a great job with getting this place habitable but we feel it is time for us to all have equal footing instead of this hierarchy thing, like I say we are not all military people."

Still no one said their name, offered a hand in welcome or even had the decency to look at least a little ashamed of the blatant decision to simply… fire him.

Fire the devil.

OK, it was rather funny ya know.

"I see... and you think you will get enough votes to… oust me?" he managed to say in an almost amused voice. "When?"

"Well, we can set up the posters and things, the voting papers and then maybe in a week or so… campaign?"

"Campaign?"

"Yes, those who want to have the top jobs stand up and tell their side of things, what they hope to do for everyone and then there is the vote. So… a week?" they all nodded now like it was a decided thing.

"Ah." Ianto sat back and noticed someone in the room that the others had not, Nicolas sliding along the wall with a deadly look of intent, choosing one of the men on the end to approach and sniff like a dog. Ianto continued to stare at the men like nothing was happening out of the ordinary as his small toddler now moved to the next one, sniffing at him instead.

"So, what do you think?"

"I think I offered you a home when you needed one, life and liberty, within the bounds of this place. I also offered you friendship and loyalty. You are here to take what little I have left? Seriously? You have no idea do you" Ianto shook his head sadly as his son now withdrew a small blade from his pocket. His favourite sticker. He seemed to be deciding which one to stab first.

Ianto was wondering what to do about this. Did he tell them to pull their heads out of their arses, he could laugh loudly or let them have this stupid thing. In the end he knew he had to be honest, lest his son actually murder one on the good rug.

"I own this planet. See the certificates and things on the wall behind me? One of them is the ownership papers for this planet. It's mine. I own the entire thing, lock stock and smoking barrel. Including the chairs you sit in, the clothes on your back and the food you ate before coming here. I am the Devil… this is my Hades. Do you not get that? Who do you think pays for everything? Hmm? Some great coffer of money somewhere? This planet if full of one time Meatsticks that I freed and gave homes in this place to. Do you think a single one would ever vote against me? I am their leader. Their Boss. You, yourself actually called me that when entering, right? This is my place, you are my guests. Guests don't usually throw out their host ya know. Doesn't work that way" Ianto explained calmly "If you speak publicly about this in the main room, with Dust Devils all around you they will kill you for the unintended threat to their way of life. And Nic is behind you all about to kill one of you for the insult of threatening his Taddy."

The men all turned to stare at the child who grinned in a feral way, his eyes shining as he lifted the sticker up in front of his face, then shrugged like 'oh well, busted' before pointing it at the one in the middle. Ianto felt so proud that even at this age Nicolas knew who the ringleader was. The child said in a weirdly deep voice for such a little one "I would do you."

"Now now sweetie." Ianto said with a giggle now unable to be withheld. "No sticking before dinner."

The men all rose with horror, moving quickly from the room as Nicolas stared after them and then turned to Ianto to ask "Is that what you call a Fist of Fucktards?"

"Sounds about right" Ianto agreed "Yes. I like that. A Fist of Fucktards. Yes."

"Huh" the child nodded making his flick of Harkness hair flop over his face, and then headed off with his sticker going back into the recesses of his clothing like nothing had happened.

Ianto was still giggling when Jack arrived home later in the day, unable to understand what he was trying to say. Finally Ianto simply shrugged and let it go, so amused that he was unable to complete a single sentence.

What a weird day.

A Fist of Fucktards released to the wilds.

Twats.