„So, tell me," Nami inquired with slightly annoyed smirk, "how long are you two planning on continuing this?" she blew bubbles in her drink with her straw and gave me a challenging look. I avoided her gaze and instead scanned the whole room. Once again, I found myself at loss of willpower when she appeared on my doorstep to drag me in here. It's gonna be an amazing party, Tashigi! You need to come, just a few people, drinks, music, talking, you're gonna love it, or so she said. I really didn't want to be annoyed with her, because I knew she invited me only because she was concerned about me. I have been locked in my apartment for three days now. But the lie. Oh my goodness, the blatant and wild lie, I knew she watered it down for me, but this much? Looking at the cramped-up space, there definitely wasn't just few people, rather than drinks there was a whole bar, instead of music a techno party and instead of talking a lot of vomiting, making out and yelling when a popular song came on. I saw Sanji at the kitchen counter with few girls- were those my classmates? I squinted in their direction. Those were definitely girls from my Forgotten female authors class. They didn't seem quite as feministic now, clapping at every bartender-like trick Sanji would do. I grinned in amusement and then turned my gaze back to Nami, who was now preoccupied with some guy and his hand on her tight. Oh well, looks like the time to return to my den has come.
"Not so fast," a wild hand appeared on my wrist as I stood up from my spot to sneak out, "we still have a lot to talk about," Nami smirked again. On the outside I might have been able to maintain some kind of poker face, but oh how deep my scowl was on the inside. I really didn't want to talk about this.
"I think we talked plenty," I forced a smile and tried to escape her death grip.
"Oh no no, you still need to spill, young lady," she stood up as well, winked and waved at the guy she was flirting with and started dragging me to the balcony.
"You know this 'young lady' thing would be much more effective, if you weren't younger than me?" I still tried to twist out my wrist out of her grip, but it was like the Facehugger from Alien.
"You know you'd be much more fun if you didn't nit-pick every single thing?" Nami turned around to me with a grin.
"Someone might've told me that once or twice," My eyes rolled on their own. My theory was that certain parts of my body were so unhappy with me accidentally hurting them on daily basis that they decided to revolt, hence made my life completely miserable. At first, it was just the eyeroll thing, but than my right ring-toe joined the party and soon everything else followed.
"Someone also told me once or twice that interrogating your friends brings bad luck," I went to an abrupt halt just when we reached the door to the balcony.
"I thought we were just neighbours?" Nami's smile was way too evil, way to cunning and way too on point. She really threw me under the bus there.
"I- oh god- this," I growled in frustration, "just," I shook my wrist violently few times, but she still didn't let go, "let me go Nami, oh my god," I whined like a little girl who didn't want to go home from kindergarten just yet, which made Nami just laugh as she tugged on my hand and started opening the door to the balcony. I turned around and scanned the room for help. Anyone would do. Well, almost anyone. I met Zoro's lone eye. He looked way too amused for my taste. I tried put on the most horrified expression I could muster but that just made his eyebrows lift all the way up to his hairline and give me the finger. Oh god, that motherfucker. Everyone else seemed to be completely oblivious of my suffering, which made it even more infuriating, knowing the only person who was aware of it was also the only person who wouldn't help me even if I was dying right in front of him. Great. Before I could reciprocate the sentiment, I felt draft mingling with my hair and then a slight tug on my hand pulled me out on the balcony. Suddenly I felt twenty years older. This is going to be a long night.
Nami leaned on the railing and pulled out a cigarette pack, shaking it in front me. Oh well.
"Thanks," I took one and waited for her to hand me the lighter. She puffed out the smoke and looked at the poorly burning tip of the cigarette.
"They're kinda damp," she commented and eyed me when I was attempting to work that goddamnstupididiotic lighter which seemed to do anything but cooperate.
"C'mon Tashigi, how are you still alive," she laughed and gestured for me to give her the lighter.
"Things just suddenly stop working when I need them, it's not my fault," I huffed in embarrassment but complied anyway. I was too fast though and let go of it too soon, so now we were just watching the lighter fall down from the balcony on the fourth floor.
"No," I yelled after it. Almost inaudible crash could be heard as the poor thing hit the ground. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I'm so dumb," I slapped my hand over my forehead as I kept on peeking down to the street.
"You really are the clumsiest person alive," she shook her head and I immediately felt hundred times worse.
"I know," I whined. I did a lot of whining that evening, it annoyed even me. Must've been horrible to listen to me.
"Let me go get it," of course I knew there'd be no point in trying to salvage that poor lighter, but I really wanted her to know I truly was sorry. Her hand found my shoulder and squeezed.
"It's just a lighter, calm down," she laughed and took my cigarette to light it by her own.
"I know, but it's like the bazillionth thing of yours I've broken," I placed the now lit cigarette between my lips and took a long drag. Noone told me quitting would be this hard. I mentally grinned at myself. I really was hopeless. But oh well, I needed this, Nami probably wouldn't let me go with some half-assed answers, so I had to gather all my strength to face her. She's been bugging me about this for… how long now? Well, probably since the last party I attended. Better not to think about that one.
"Well then you'll just…" she took a drag and shrugged, "owe me," something far too evil for a twenty-two years old girl spread across her lips and I took another drag as I averted my gaze somewhere else.
"Looks like I'll have to furnish your whole place then," I laughed nervously, and she followed.
"Yeah," she gave me the 'I look like I'm kidding but not so much' look.
"Wait, you mean it?" Panic washed over me, and her grin spread even more. Wait, how was that even possible? Did everyone who lived in this flat exercise every morning to be able to spread their lips as much as possible? I knew they were weird the first day they moved in and wanted to build a door that would connect our apartments – in bathroom, but they still found ways to freak me out even now. Looking at Nami and remembering the ever-so-pleasant Zoro, I hated past Tashigi who thought that 'meeting new people might not be the worst idea'.
"No," she laughed, "no, no, no."
"Say 'no' once more and maybe I'll believe you," I laughed as well. God, I don't want to be here. I'd really prefer reading the books I picked up this afternoon. I got some pretty interesting too, some Gogol and Pushkin. I had to read them and write a very long and bothersome essay about it. Well, I was here, getting interrogated on some stupid balcony instead of doing what I actually needed to do. I knew that Nami meant no harm, but this nosiness of hers has always felt way too bothersome in my case. I never liked when people poked their nose in someone else's business. Simple respect for the privacy of others is something I wished everyone had in them.
"Yeah, if you say that you and Zoro are 'just fine'" she made the air quotes, "one more time, I might believe you as well," she tapped the cigarette and I watched the ashes get lost in the light evening breeze.
"Look Nami, I know you're just concerned but everything's f-" I stopped myself and smiled apologetically at the sight of her annoyed eyes, "great," I coughed and tapped my cigarette too, the burnt tip got too long and I'd hate it if it got on my clothes.
"He gave you the finger," she frowned and folded her arms on her chest. I rolled my eyes. Of course she saw.
"Well, that's just what he does, isn't it?" I shrugged and suddenly my shoes were way more interesting than the calculating expression of my ginger friend.
"Not with you," I didn't look at her because I didn't know what to say, "and no," she continued, "this is not what he does. He loves to tease you, but he's been just plain mean to you!" she exclaimed dramatically. And how is that any of your business? I was glad she couldn't fully see my face because she'd probably see how annoyed and kinda furious I was. Well that's an obvious lie, Tashigi, isn't it? You in fact are properly mad right now. Hard to say because of who.
"He doesn't like me," I finally looked at her and saw her searching my face. Hated when she'd do it, most of the times she'd see right through me.
"Are you serious?" she flicked her cigarette from the balcony, and I watched the small orange light disappear in the darkness. What a weird night. No stars, no moon, completely dark. Nights like these always brought sense of anxiety, I never slept well on such nights. Probably won't sleep well tonight as well.
"Yes," my cigarette was reaching its end as well, but I wanted to enjoy it until the very end. God, my first one in weeks, how I missed this cancerous habit.
"I know that he's dumb, but you too?" her frown deepened even more.
"Why am I dumb? Because I'm not blind? We just don't get along, end of story," I stubbed out the cigarette and kept the stub in my hand. I was getting done with this conversation even sooner than I expected. I thought I'd last for another cigarette. No Tashigi, you leave before the second cigarette appears, you know you have the crippling inablity to say no.
"Alright, alright," she closed her eyes and massaged the bridge of her nose, "but you guys did get along before," her eyes pierced into mine again and I wished I didn't have my glasses on, "that's why I'm confused you're back to square one," she fished in her jeans pocket to get out the pack again. Nooooooooo. I cried to myself, if I don't make run for it now… I looked at the people inside the flat. Why is there another cigarette in my hand? I almost felt tears in my eyes.
"Oh god, was it the kiss?" she exclaimed with her hand deep in her pockets. My chance.
"We don't have a lighter," I spoke absentmindedly.
"Oh, that's right," she looked over the railing.
"Let me go and get one," I offered and saw her shake her head even before I finished the sentence.
"And then you'll run away, no no, we've been there," she tapped my shoulder and made her way inside.
"I would never run away," you definitely would. She stopped in her tracks and laughed.
"You mean like the last time?" she raised her eyebrows. I scowled at her.
"That was…" a shit situation I needed to get out of, "different."
"Yeah, yeah," she waved her hand and continued laughing as she closed the door behind her. I stood there helplessly for a second. I wanted to run, I genuinely did, but I'd feel like an idiot if I really did now. I just told her I wouldn't, why did I do that? I rubbed my face with my both hands and growled. How long is she going to torture me in here, this is unfair. I'd never do that to her if the situation was reversed. You're not Nami, idiot. I laughed at myself. Sometimes, I'd forget that others weren't like me. After spending so much time alone, it wasn't very hard to.
I looked at the cigarette in my hand and was really tempted to throw it away. Not as tempted to throw myself over the railing, of course. The door opened and I looked up, ready to tell Nami 'no thank you, I don't want the cigarette and I also don't want to talk about this, good night, enjoy the party, haha' but instead I was greeted with one of the girls from my Forgotten female authors class and Zoro in tight embrace, as he was pushing her to the balcony. They didn't notice me over their sloppy make out and I wrinkled my nose in distaste. Not a sight I wished for, really. I coughed but they didn't hear me, instead they fully stepped out on the balcony and Zoro tried to close to door behind him without looking. Well at least that was kinda funny, he'd always get angry too fast at the smallest inconvenience, so I was counting on that at least. He growled after few unsuccessful attempts and pushed himself off of her to close the door but froze for a split second when he saw me standing there, with cigarette in my hand and an expression I didn't dare to find name for.
"You're still here?" he asked in disbelief and I noticed how his eyee swiftly flicked between my face and the cigarette I was holding. My classmate turned around to look at me. Yes, of course he picked her, why wasn't I surprised. She was blond, way better developed than I could ever wish to be, prettier, more daring, she was just emitting pure sex appeal. I awkwardly waved at her and she gave me very hostile look.
"I thought I was the blind one," I rolled my eyes at him and made my way to the still opened door. Now I really needed the cigarette and was actually glad I had one.
"You are," he sneered and looked at my classmate. I wish I remembered her name.
"Why the stupid question then?" I raised my eyebrows and stepped inside, "can't believe your eye? Maybe get it che-" and of course I stumbled across the door sill and crashed into the closest person. I heard him laughing behind my back.
"I'm so sorry, so so sorry," I kept repeating to the guy who was helping me to my feet.
"No, it's fine, you alright?" he looked genuinely concerned.
"I'm fine, thank you," I smiled and realized I lost my cigarette. My only cigarette. The one I terribly needed. Stupid addiction. I started turning around, forgot about Zoro, who was probably still watching me and tried to find the long white stick laying on the floor somewhere. There it was, right between two pairs of black sneakers. Though I kind of forgot somebody was wearing them, so with my dumb luck, when I reached for the cigarette, the guy just had to make a step and that's how I found myself with three I-swear-to-god-broken fingers. Sometimes I couldn't believe how much trouble I could get in under thirty seconds. This just had to be my personal best so far.
"Maybe don't die before you get home," Zoro's voice pierced through the noisy crowd, and just at that moment, it really rubbed me the wrong way. Nami's interrogation, my abandoned books, my three almost broken fingers, my unsuccessful attempt to quit smoking, my humiliating fall and now this dick. I turned around, forgot about the pain completely, didn't even notice the confused guy who stepped on my hand talking to me.
"Maybe don't get fucking lost on the balcony!" I yelled at him and he was just as livid as I was. I hoped.
"Fuck you!" He was.
"Fuck you! No, that would be too much effort, fuck yourself!"
"Fucking gladly, if it'd mean you'd finally fucking leave me alone!" he slammed the door with such force I was afraid he broke it. No, I didn't care, I didn't. I made my way through the crowd, completely livid, Nami was right, he acted like a complete dick, primitive, brute, caveman, stupid dickhead. I tried to get back to my apartment as fast as I could, but everyone seemed to be in my way.
"Sorry, could you," I tried to lightly push away the person in front of me, but they didn't budge at all, "just," I tapped their shoulder. I felt more anger rise in my throat as I found myself with more than plenty of curses on the tip of my tongue but then I stopped myself. No. I won't let this stupid guy have so much power over me. So he told me to fuck off, boohoo.
Boohoo.
"Excuse me," I said in firm and loud voice and the person moved to the left slightly, giving me just enough space to pass by him. When I finally reached the main entrance, I felt completely drained. I'll apologize to Nami later.
And then I broke a promise I made to her and myself and ran away.
Chapter 2: The Gloomy apartment Scene - Last year - November
Notes:
! Please, read the chapter titles, it can get confusing if you don't !
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The cold was slowly getting under my fourteen layers of clothing. It was only November, why was it so cold? The bus stop was only few minutes from my building, though judging by how cold my whole body was, I felt like I was walking for hours. The fact that it was around four in the afternoon, but it was getting dark already didn't help a lot.
I was making my way to my building, walking extra cautiously because I really did almost break my legs on the icy pavement in front of the main entrance in the morning. I fished the keys out of my pocket while trying to balance my bag and two tote bags on my shoulder. My fingers were too numb to find the right key with just one hand, so I had to struggle for a couple of painfully cold seconds. I heard a loud thud from inside of the building and when I looked through the glass door, I saw a raven-haired guy splayed across the hall.
Oh, he must've slipped on the wet floor. I was staring at him awkwardly, until he caught my gaze and smiled brightly. That… surprised me indeed. I pointed at him and mouthed whether he was alright. Of course, the smart idea to unlock to door and go check him up close didn't occur to me for several seconds. He shook his head and started scrambling to his feet which was like a wake up call for me to try to continue my quest to find the key. Before I could reach that goal, the guy opened the door for me. He didn't look very tall laying on the floor like that but being face to face with him, he was definitely taller than me.
"Are you alright?" I blurted out mindlessly. He looked at me dumbfounded and then he smiled again.
"Why?" my eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
"You just," I pointed to the hall and the wet stains of dirt on the floor. He looked back to the spot he was laying on few moments ago.
"Nothing broken, nothing to care about," he shrugged and then he stepped to the side to let me in.
"Uhm, thank you," I smiled at him. So now he was helping me. Good job, Tashigi. I passed by him and gave him an awkward nod.
"You live here?" he asked when I stopped by the elevator. I turned back to him, pressing the elevator button to find him standing at the exact same spot by the open door.
"Yeah?" He nodded few times.
"Cool," he said and then left without a word. I stood, stupefied, looking at his thin frame leaving. He didn't even slow down on the icy part of the pavement, and it looked like it made no difference to him. No, Tashigi, envy is a childish thing, fuck it.
The soft chink of the elevator sucked me back to reality and I stepped in. Pressing the fourth floor and the close-the-door button, I sighed wearily. What a tiring day. Because I'd been late for my shift, I had to work longer to make up for it and then I was late for a class with a professor who takes his attendance basically the moment he enters the classroom. Amazing.
Our slow and rusty elevator finally took off and I felt hundred times heavier on my feet. I needed a long soaking bath, a proper meal, and some hot beverage. I let my head fall back and groaned. Yes, massive earl grey sounded just amazing. And then off to read the Canterbury tales in original. My face twisted in annoyed grimace. I loved old literature and history and all that jazz but reading five hundred pages in middle English wasn't exactly kosher. The elevator stopped on my floor, and it took all my willpower to make a move and step out of the elevator. All those bags and all of my responsibilities were just dragging me to the floor, it made my doormat look astonishingly comfy. I could just faint right then and there. Thankfully, I still had the keys in my hand and of course that now I found the right key almost immediately. I laughed at the irony, great job, Tashigi, you should get a diploma.
My gloomy apartment greeted me when I entered, and I immediately turned on the lights. Even after all this time, it was hard to get used to an empty and dark apartment. It didn't really feel lonely, only uncomfortable. Made me paranoid at times, usually when I'd wake up in the middle of the night and there was no one to seek some comfort in.
"I need to learn how to be by myself, there's not gonna be someone to wipe my ass all the time," I grunted to myself as I dropped all of my stuff to the floor and proceeded to peel off all my layers until I was only in shirt and panties.
"Thank god I let the radiator running," I kicked my shoes to the side and made my way to the bathroom with all my stuff in arms to just dump it into the laundry basket. Washed my hands and turned on lights everywhere. I know, it's not very eco-friendly, but girl's gotta do what she's gotta do. I walked back to the front door, yawning like my life depended on it.
"If I don't make coffee soon, I'm never gonna finish reading that hellish book," I stopped dead in my tracks, "god, I should meet with someone, I've been talking to myself way too much lately," I frowned at myself. I didn't have time to meet with people, there was too much going on. I desperately needed to finish this stupid semester the way I planned so I could have a bit more relaxing summer semester. Also work has been time consuming as well, one would never guess how exhausting the work in faculty library could be. All those confused first years that have no idea how it works, showing them around all the time, sorting the books that they leave laying all over the place, keeping the study sectors clean. I really needed a quiet manual work that would require the least amount of brain activity and look at me.
I yawned again and after I sorted out all of my stuff I went to make a coffee. I'd swear I'd die if I didn't. Then I heard it. Buzzing? I looked around. What is it? I looked at my tiny living room with the tiniest kitchen counter in the corner and squinted. God, my eyes hurt, I needed to take out my contact lenses. And the buzzing stopped.
I yawned once more.
"My jaw is gonna snap at any moment, I swear," mumbling to myself, I kept on stirring the gigantic amount of honey I put in it. I made my way next door, to my even tinier bedroom and put the cup on my nightstand. And then I heard the buzzing again, right from my bag. I slapped myself on the forehead.
"Well surprise surprise Tashigi, it's your phone, one among million other buzzing things you own," I hurried to the bag to fish out my phone.
Smoker.
"Smoker!" I yelled into the phone. I haven't heard from him in days. No, probably weeks now, he was so busy.
"Yo, Tashigi," his voice was as gruff as always, "where the fuck you been, almost shat my pants," he pestered me, and I laughed. Gruff and polite.
"I'm sorry, I just got home and didn't hear the phone," I stood up and went to my pile of clothes that my chair has become. It felt inappropriate talking with him half naked.
"I get some signal after what – two weeks? And you almost don't pick up," I jumped up few times to get on the shorts I thought I'd lost.
"But I did pick up in the end," I marched across my flat. Calling was almost like an exercise for me since I'd walk miles and miles during one short phone call.
"Fucking lucky you then, I'd have to jump on a plane and go back to check on you, if you didn't," I heard him inhale sharply. He wasn't called Smoker for nothing. I snickered to myself, and my eyes landed on the sad and lonely pack of blue camels laying on the kitchen counter. I have been eyeing them for three days, no touching, just eyeing. But listening to him smoke made me want to scratch the eyeing and just smoke five of those tobacco bad boys at the same time.
"And you'd probably find me reading on a couch, with a big ass tea and impossible sleep deficit," I fidgeted with the camel logo now, leaning on the kitchen counter. One wouldn't kill me, right?
"Cozy," his comment was dripping with sarcasm.
"Yeah," I laughed.
"So how you doing, kiddo?" "So, where are you now?" We both said at the same time.
"Sorry, sorry, you go," I took the cigarette and went to get my coat. Thank god for a balcony.
"Yeah, so, this genius strategic French dude was born here," he seemed more than happy to talk about his whereabouts than something as touchy as feelings. He never did well with those, but I appreciated his concern. I knew that even though he was thousands of kilometres away, he still worried for me.
"Your riddles are too easy, old man," I stuck out my tongue even if he couldn't see it. I wish he could. The cold, cold air of late November hit my face with such a force, it almost made me reconsider lighting one. Almost.
"Ungrateful brat," I lit one and oh my goodness, quitting is just impossible, this is heaven.
"Hey! Just because they're easy, doesn't mean I don't enjoy them," I smiled and watched the streetlights slowly turning on as the dark was slowly settling in.
"You better do," I tried to preserve as much warmth as possible with both of my hands preoccupied, but no such luck. I felt the cold biting my bare legs. I should've worn proper pants and not just shorts.
"Aye aye, captain," I grinned and he clicked his tongue.
"You do this spongebob shit one more time," I knew he just pretended to be mad, because he missed my stupid jokes too much.
"But you are a pirate now, isn't it appropriate?" my teeth started chattering ever so slightly but I didn't want him to hear, he'd scold me as always. You gotta take care of yourself; I won't be here forever to wipe your ass.
"This pirate sent you a gift for Christmas, you'll fucking love it," I felt the blood drain from my face.
"Tashigi?" he asked after few seconds of silence. "Tashigi? You hear me? Fucking signal," he grumbled and then the phone made few funny noises. He's not coming back for Christmas? Quickly, I snapped out of it and gathered my thoughts. Play it cool, don't worry him.
"Can you hear me, Smoker? Hello?" I coughed a few times and felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.
"Fuck yes, can you?"
"Yes, I can. Sorry, we must've lost connection for a second there," I was trying to regain my composure properly, but the words were leaving my mouth as if I was a robot. Way too unnatural, way too worrisome for his ears.
"Looks like it," he sighed. Either he didn't notice, or he chose to ignore it. I'm not sure what made me sad more.
"So, you're not coming back for Christmas?" voice almost betrayed me at the end, but I persevered. I can't worry him, can't afford to.
"Someone has to stay and keep an eye on those useless brats here," there was no sadness in his tone. Was this a lesson for me? He was crazy enough to think like that.
"Oh," was everything that left my mouth. I found myself desperately sucking on the cigarette, trying to find the right words, the right reaction, but nothing seemed to come to mind.
"Listen, I talked with the others, alright? Looks like I could get some time off in spring," I knew that was his way to say sorry, but it still hurt. I didn't really care for Christmas, but I've seen him last in February, when he came to visit Marianna who was in hospital and everyone was thought she was on her deathbed.
He wouldn't come home very often, ever since he decided to drop out of university and work on that ship to sail across the Mediterranean Sea. Of course he didn't have time to fly back and forth just to visit. Which didn't change the fact I missed him terribly. He was family after all.
"In spring," I just repeated his words, still trying to find my way out of the horrible mess of my thoughts and emotions.
"You're not mad, are ya?" he asked. Dense as ever. Nothing changed. I smiled and a lone tear escaped my eye, the hot trail stinging on my cold cheek. Promptly, I smeared it with the back of my hand. No crying on my watch.
"No," I smiled, "you have your responsibilities," I continued and realized he might not have been the only person I was trying to convince, "and you gotta keep up with them," I covered the phone so he wouldn't hear me snivel.
"But it's still shit."
"Man up, you crybaby," I laughed and heard him chuckle too, "how the tables have turned," I continued and he sighed.
"Yeah… look, I sent you a postcard and the gift, just this morning, alright? So expect it soon,"
"Alright," I smiled. I looked at the cigarette in my hand and realized I forgot about it. It was burned out now. I sighed and threw it in the beer can Smoker kept on the balcony as an ashtray.
"And if they don't deliver it to you before Christmas, I swear I'll murder every Italian I'll come across," he growled and some noise resonated in the background again.
"You just don't like them," I went back inside and grabbed another cigarette. So I'll have a cold.
"You're fucking right, their stupid siestas and shit, rubs me the wrong way," I smiled and got back outside, this time keeping an eye on the cigarette so I wouldn't waste another one.
"You can't stand the inactivity, can you."
"No, lazy bastards," background noise again and then I heard him yell something incomprehensible, "gotta go, fucking snap them in half."
"What happened?" my brows furrowed on their own.
"Don't ask, call you later, bye Tashigi," and then the line was dead. He hanged up as abruptly as he picked up the phone. I sighed and crouched down. I hated the fact that he was simply unreachable, sailing in the waters, no signal, no way to talk to him. He'd always call me when they docked on land. But that was even more infuriating since he could reach me whenever he wanted but I just had to resort to waiting. I was glad we were able to stay in touch nevertheless, just… sometimes, I needed someone to confine to. No one else was such a bad listener but an amazing advisor at the same time.
Shivering and smoking, i thought to myself, what an awful day. I needed a break. I put out the cigarette and returned inside. I stood lifelessly in the middle of my living room, still dressed in my coat. Not knowing what to do I sat down on my couch and fought back the tears.
I needed to grow past this dependency.
He truly won't wipe my ass forever.
Notes:
Bear with me, we'll get there... not soon, but we will.
And thanks for the lovely comments!
Chapter 3: The new neighbours Scene - Last year - November
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A knock on my door interrupted my train of thought. Currently, I was trying to formulate incredibly complicated thesis on romanticism as a trans-epochal phenomenon and getting the hang of it has probably been one of the most challenging things this semester. I slouched face down on my laptop and almost cried. Who dares to disturb me in my den? Decided to quickly write down few notes on how to continue once I'm done with snapping the person behind the door in half.
"No, no, no, no, don't go away," I tried to write the last coherent thought I had, but it kept dissolving, just out of reach. I balled my hands into fists and squeezed in rage.
"Aaaaaargh," I looked at the door, it's ten in the morning on Saturday, who and why. The knocking intensified and I could hear elderly voice.
"Tashigi, dear, are you home?" It was Miss Fröhlich, my landlady. Oh amazing, if she asks me to go and get her milk because of her rheumatism, I'll kill myself on the spot.
"Just," alright, calm down, it's just an essay and half-senile woman who needs help, "a moment!" I jumped to my feet. She visited quite regularly, but she had the superpower to always find the least convenient moment for me. Just like now. I sighed, pulled over my head an awful Christmas sweater I found in second-hand and bought for fun, and got my slippers.
When I opened the door, Miss Fröhlich's was nervously clutching her hands on her chest. This is didn't look like she ran out of milk.
"Good morning," I pulled out red frames from my hair. It might be better to actually see her properly. Her light pink hair, golden framed bifocal glasses and that black and blue striped cardigan created the most bizarre sixty-two years old lady I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I still didn't understand why she took a liking to me.
"Morning, Tashigi dear," her lips twitched as if she tried to smile but decided against it last minute, "I need your help, dear," I fought back an eyeroll after that pet name she used for me.
"What is it?" I also fought back the urge to crouch down to level with her. She was circa one head shorter me. Once, I instinctively crouched down to her and it was also the last time. She didn't look it, but she really could turn into an angry goblin and I feared she'd rip my head off.
"That apartment next door," she pointed at the door next to mine, "some young people came to look at it," I narrowed my gaze at the door and then back at her. This didn't sound like a short errand as usual. I'd really rather run across the street to get her those extra difficult cross-word puzzles she loved so much.
"Yes?" I made sure not to sound too horrified when I responded. It sounded suspiciously like 'you're gonna socialize and you have no say in it'.
"Tashigi, dear," my eye twitched, "they're downstairs, would you go get them and then help me out in the apartment?" she tried her best puppy eyes but fortunately for her and very unfortunately for me, I had an immense soft spot for old people. My essay though. I looked back into my apartment. I really needed to finish that chapter at least, I was supposed to consult it with my supervising professor on Monday. I turned back to her, and her gaze was so expectant I almost felt like I was her daughter who was about to confirm to her that she indeed was going to finally be a grandma. I'm pregnant, you're going to have a grandson, yay.
"Miss Fröhlich, I'm awfully busy now, plus I'd need to go change-"
"Oh no, dear, you wear what you got on now, just go get them at least. Would you please?" Say no and get on with your life. I know, I know, learn how to say 'no'.
But going down to get them can't hurt me, right? It will get my blood flowing. Down, greetings, meetings and back up. Five minutes of my time. I hate myself.
"Alright," I tried my best not to sigh like a teenage girl that has to take out the trash, "but I'll just bring them up here, okay? I really have a lot on my plate right now," I smiled at her reassuringly and took my keys from the keyhole to shut the door behind me. She gave me the bestest of her smiles. I could see her golden tooth shimmering.
"Thank you, Tashigi dear, you know how this kind of weather messes with my left knee," she snickered as she palmed her left knee that was visibly twice as big as the other one because of all of the dressing she'd always put on.
"Sure," I shivered slightly. The halls were always a tad cold. I made my way to the elevator and then realized I didn't know who I was looking for.
"Miss Fröhlich?" I raised my voice slightly for her to hear me and she turned to me, "what are their names or… anything?" I smiled nervously. I hated running errands that included strangers. Says the person who told Smoker – out of all people – to man up. You reap what you sow, Tashigi.
"Oh, there's this girl, what's-her-name," the old lady fidgeted with the upper button of her cardigan, "and this young man, black hair I think?" I nodded few times. No idea, huh? It must be horrible not remember anything anymore.
"Alright, thank you, Miss Fröhlich," I smiled at her and decided to take stairs instead. Elevator would be too slow anyway. I ran down the stairs. Black haired guy? Incredibly specific. When I almost reached the ground floor, I remembered the poor guy that fell down the stairs. Since I never took the stairs because of all the bags I was carrying around all the time, I didn't notice that the second step from the bottom was cracked, so if one stepped on it too fast, the tile moved and boom, front teeth missing. To save my dignity and my front teeth, I hurriedly grabbed onto the railing to evade the cracked tile and as I gained momentum, it made me do a 180-degree spin around it, which almost sent me flying across the hall. Next few steps were incredibly chaotic as I tried to regain my balance. When I was finally standing firmly on both feet, I closed my eyes and bent over, with my hands resting on my knees. Thank god, no bruises, nothing broken. How did that guy say it? Nothing broken, nothing to care about? I smiled to myself and straightened and suddenly, I realised four pairs of eyes were transfixed on me. Oh no, don't tell me those are the young people. I saw one girl and three guys. The same black-haired guy who invaded my thoughts on the stair was there too. God no, why? Just a tiny bit of dignity would be amazing, why do I have to suffer like this?
My hand moved on its own accord, waved awkwardly and then fell back limply. I cleared my throat and tried to pretend that nothing just happened, because nothing happened, haha, and went to open the door for them. When I reached out for the door handle, the raven-haired guy stuck his face to the glass of the door and pointed at me.
"I know you!" he screamed and when I looked at the remaining three, they were all looking at anything but him, "you're that klutz!" he turned to his friends, "she almost fell on the icy sidewalk, it was so funny," I felt blush creeping up my neck. He saw that? But he was the one that fell, why am I being made fun of? Also, klutz? Really? I scowled at him and reconsidered opening the door for them.
Maybe they didn't show up, I came down and there was no one.
"Luffy! You can't talk like that to people you barely know!" the ginger girl smacked his head and gave me an apologetic smile. I finally opened the door slowly, these people looked like a lot of trouble. "He's so childish, I'm sorry," the girl clasped her hands together and bowed slightly yet somehow enthusiastically.
"No, I-" you were just going to apologize back, right? "It's alright," I laughed even more awkwardly than I waved seconds ago. Then I realized we were all just standing there looking at each other. I looked at the remaining two guys, another raven-haired guy with an incredible tan I could only dream of and the most peculiar looking nose I ever saw. The other one was… into punk? Green hair and earrings? When I eyed them all together, they awfully looked like the kids from Breakfast club. Green haired bad boy, weirdo, one kinda normal guy and the popular girl.
Then I also realised why were they staring at me like that. I really had to wear the worst thing I could. Green sweater with lilac snowflakes and pink fluffy slippers. On top of that, my shorts were really short, but the jumper awfully long, which made it look like I wasn't wearing anything but said jumper. Oh well, they saw me lose my life (almost) and dignity (completely) so I guess there was no point in trying to give a good impression.
"You must be here to have a look at the apartment, right?" I spoke, trying to shift their focus from my appearance.
"Yes!" the long-nosed weirdo snapped out of his trance first and stretched out his hand, "you look much younger than you sound, miss Fröhlich," he smiled brightly, and I froze. If she was here, they wouldn't even need to go up. That girl smacked him just like she smacked the black-haired guy.
"That's obviously not her, dumbo!" and she smiled at me again, "Excuse these fools, I should've locked them up and not let them roam freely around, they can make so much mess," she looked like the underpaid nanny that does her job because she loves the kids. The said kids all just whined at her words but were obviously too terrified of her to say anything.
"No, it's alright," I smiled and tried to ignore how tense my face felt, "I know I look like I'm fifty with three kids sometimes," I tried to lighten the mood with a joke but the only one who laughed was the weird black-haired guy. The girls lips stretched into somehow judgemental and pitiful smile at the same time, exchanging glances with the long-nosed guy while the green haired punk guy was snickering. My eyes met his and I just noticed he didn't have an eye? He only raised his eyebrows at me. I quickly looked away, caught staring like this, pull yourself together, Tashigi. People must stare at him a lot though, I've never seen anyone sporting one eye like this. Definitely better than eyepatch. He could join Smoker on his pirate adventure and noone would bat an eye. I chuckled under my breath.
I coughed, alright, my joke missed, haha, I'm so funny, laugh at yourself Tashigi, I heard that's healthy, hahahahaha.
"So, I'm Tashigi, miss Fröhlich sent me to take you upstairs," I stretched out my hand towards the ginger-haired girl, because she seemed like the most sensible one. Maybe I wanted to establish some kind of dignity because I'm sure I seemed particularly insane.
"Oh," she yelped in surprise, "I'm Nami, nice to meet you," squeezing my hand, I noticed it was a good handshake, warm and firm.
"This is Luffy," she pointed at the black-haired guy, and he shook my hand, almost breaking it, "hello," I gritted through teeth as politely as possible. "What's up," he showed a toothy grin.
"Usopp," the big-nose guy smiled at me, Aesop?, "nice to meetcha, Tashigi," his hand was a bit sweaty, but not unpleasant. My hands were definitely sweaty too, situations like these stressed me to hell and back.
"And Zoro," the green-haired guy hesitated for a second before outstretching his hand to me and I shook it, "Like that swordsman," my mouth moved on its own accord and upon seeing his surprised face I immediately panicked, "oh, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have- this thing just-" I pointed at my mouth, "does whatever it wants, I ehh," he brusquely let go of my hand. Yeah, they must think I'm crazy. Great. He looked at the others and then back at me, looking utterly confused.
"It's alright… I guess?" he frowned even more, probably not sure how to react to my incoherent mumbling. I tried not to stare at his scarred eye and quickly looked at the others, seeking some kind of comfort. The rest of them looked as confused as him, so I really didn't have a chance there. I sighed.
"Uhm, so," I hugged myself, feeling out of place, "let's go then?"
"Yay, let's go, let's go," laughed… Luffy? Names weren't my forte. I smiled at him and led them to our good old rusty elevator. I pushed the button and we waited in awkward silence.
"I'll take the stairs," I turned around and saw the swordsman guy walking to the stairs on our left.
"Wait," Naomi yelled after him, "maybe, someone should go with you?" my brows knitted together. Did he need a supervision?
"I won't get lost on fucking stairs, geez," he barked at her, visibly irritated.
"Wait, the stairs-" I yelled after him, but too late. He tripped on that loose tile just like me before. His left arm shot up to the railing and he stopped himself from falling just a second before he fell over. He looked back at me with wide eye, panic written all over his face.
"The hell," he looked down and saw the tile, "stupid broken tile," he stepped on it few times to test it and it made a very specific screeching sound.
"Oh, so that's how I fell down the stairs before!" Luffy laughed, "don't lose your footing, Zoro," he giggled and that Aesop guy started laughing. Zoro was slightly flushed, gave Luffy the middle finger and then continued climbing the stairs in much more careful manner.
"Don't lose your footing," Aesop started shaking with Naomi, "get it, Nami, he almost lost," Oh, so it's Nami, not Naomi. Aesop was laughing so hard now, I swore I could see tears forming in his eyes. Nami gave me a tired look and said: "I can't believe I'm moving in with these guys," she sighed. And having a crazy woman as a neighbour, win-win.
The elevator doors opened and we stepped in. Maybe it was good that the punk guy decided to take the stairs, because we barely managed fit in the cramped up space of the rusty elevator. There were writings and tags all over the walls and it suddenly made me feel a little embarrassed. Calm down, you don't own the building, what are you freaking out for.
"Yo, what floor?" A yell with long echo could be heard through the hall and I promptly stopped the elevator door from closing with my arm and peeked out.
"Fourth!" He gave me thumbs up and then disappeared.
"Fourth floor?" excitement was dripping from Luffy's voice and he looked at Nami, "I bet we'll have a bomb view," he grinned at her.
"Yes, the view is quite nice actually," I smiled at him and he started shaking with Nami, "hear, hear, I can't wait to see it," how was it possible the poor girl didn't have her shoulder dislocated was beyond me.
"A lot of stairs though," commented Aesop.
"Don't spoil the fun, Usopp," Luffy slapped Usopp's shoulder. Every time Luffy moved, which was very often, he set us all in motion since we were all so close to each other. It was like the toilets in club on Friday night. Not as if I had that much experience with it. Ha.
"Besides," started Nami as she attempted to get away from Luffy who kept on bugging her with every tiny thing he found interesting in the elevator, "you can take the elevator, why are you even complaining about the stairs?"
"I don't like elevators," he kept on slapping Luffy's hand away, as he now moved to bugging him instead of Nami, "you know, once I was stranded, all alone and desperate, in an elevator for sixteen hours, they had to call the firefighters to get me out, I was even in local newspaper."
"Oh my goodness, really?" that must've been hell! "how did you even survive without going crazy?"
"Don't believe a word," Nami shook her head with a tiny smile playing on her lips.
"Namiiiiii," Usopp cried out and threw his head back, "I had this one thought through so well this time."
"Too bad," she shrugged. The elevator stopped.
"Wait, that was a lie?" I was confused, did he make it up?
"Yeah, Usopp likes to tell these 'amazing'" she imitated quotation marks with her hands, "stories, y'know," we stepped out of the elevator. It was gloomy outside; sun wasn't shining and it made the hall look annoyingly dark. I didn't like days like these. Zoro was already there, listening to Miss Fröhlich who was wildly gesticulating, and he looked at us as we made our way to them.
"Took you long enough," he looked at us with painful grimace and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Sorry, Flash," ironic comment came from Usopp and I smiled.
"QuickGreener," I muttered almost inaudibly under my breath.
"What?" Usopp turned to me and I realized I really said it out loud. Damn this habit of talking to myself. "QuickGreener?" he started giggling and pointed at Zoro.
"Bahaha, heard that?" he laughed and Luffy started laughing too. I felt blush creeping up my neck. Oh my goodness. That lone eerie eye looked at me and it sent shivers down my spine. Maybe it was enough of socializing for the day. Miss Fröhlich looked completely lost and reached out to me, her tiny wrinkly hand with chunky golden rings tugged at my sleeve.
"What's going on, dear?" her glasses shimmered with purple film, and I smiled at her.
"Nothing, nothing, Miss Fröhlich, just a joke," I squeezed her forearm reassuringly, feeling slouching myself instinctively to her and quickly straightened my back, "I'll be going then, I need to get back to my work," I looked at my potential neighbours and have them a polite nod.
"It was nice meeting you," I wasn't sure what to do so I waved at them weakly and then proceeded to slowly retreat to my apartment door. They all waved back at me while reciprocating the usual polite phrases.
"Have a nice day, Miss Fröhlich, and don't forget to properly rest," I pointed at her knee, and she waved in her hand in disregard, "Oh, dear, it only gets worse every day, no point in it," she complained, and I laughed.
"Cynicism doesn't heal illnesses, you know," I replied while opening my door and gave everyone a last wave before closing it behind me. I rested my back on the door and sighed deeply. So exhausting. I stood there for a bit with my eyes closed. I felt a smile tug at my lips, maybe having lively neighbours wouldn't be so bad. Stretching my stiff neck I made my way back to the computer. My thesis awaited me.
Except I didn't write a word. It was well after lunch, I was on my sixth cigarette and zeroeth word written. They were still there, right next door, making so much noise, talking, yelling, laughing, banging, and just producing so much noise it was almost impossible to concentrate. I was currently freezing on the balcony and thinking of my future failed studies, because if they were to actually take the place, I'd probably never write a single sentence ever again. Lively neighbours my ass, what was I thinking? It must be my solitude creeping up on me. I groaned in frustration as I heard another loud bang from next door. What the hell are they doing in there? Building a space ship?
I went back inside, made another tea, and put on my headphones in hope it'll isolate the noise. I started reading the dissertation paper of my older colleague from uni and then heard knocks on the wall. I looked up and just stared at the wall. Seriously? I tried to ignore the sound, but whichever one of them was banging, they were completely relentless, because instead of stopping, the sound was growing on intensity.
That's it. I ripped out the headphones, ignorant to the fact I might've broken them and started gathering all of the stuff I needed for writing.
"If I can't write here, I can write somewhere else," I muttered to myself while putting on the first pants I found laying on the floor. Unbelievable, I can't believe I have to run away from my own place to get some quiet time. I stopped in my tracks.
Really? That's what I was doing? Running away from my flat? I have the right to stay here in peace and quiet. I pondered the idea for a second.
Alright. Let's be assertive for once.
The bag dropped to the ground with soft thud as I hurried to the door. If they don't know what human decency is, then they gotta learn the hard way.
I banged on the door next to mine and waited with my hands crossed on my chest. Is it really so hard to respect others? I huffed and started tapping my foot. Was this really a good idea though? On one hand I didn't care what anyone would think of me but on the other I didn't want to start out on a wrong foot with these people, in case they really were to be my neighbours. Also, I've just met them and I already made an... impression. Is it really necessary to make it worse? God, perhaps it was all in my head and it wasn't so bad. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, asking them to tone it down politely couldn't hurt, right?
When the doubts started creeping in, fight or flight instinct kicked in and I genuinely almost made a run for it. Last few drops of dignity I managed to preserve freezd my legs to the spot with only my body turned in the direction of flat. But before I could decide what to do, the door opened to reveal Nami with her hair all over the place, upon closer inspection of her appearance, I noticed probably food stains on her yellow shirt, which was also incredibly crumpled.
"Yes?"
"Would you please keep it down?" I wanted to keep my voice firm, but I felt my throat constrict a bit. I saw a quiver of Usopp peaking from behind her form.
"I'm so sorry, these guys are just so oblivious to everything," she waved behind her vaguely. I squinted as I looked behind her into the flat. The empty space was full of various stuff laying on the floor. Some plastic bags, food, phones, clothes. I didn't even notice whether they carried anything with them. As usual, I was at a loss of words, so I said the first thing that came to mind. Not the smartest idea though.
"Well, that doesn't mean they have to be so noisy," Nami narrowed her eyes at me, and I could see something quite close to resentment forming in her features. God, politely? Wasn't that the plan, past Tashigi? This was possibly the rudest tone I could've even chosen. She opened her mouth to say something, but unfortunately I wasn't done yet; the attempt at salvaging this situation was nothing short of tragic.
"And I apologize for complaining like this, but it really is insufferable, I need to concentrate on my work and all I hear are these awful bangs and vibrations," I caught my breath and continued. Smoker would tell me I literally waste my breath sometimes, but once I'd find words, they'd just spill like waterfall, with no chance of stopping. "What are you even doing here, rebuilding the place from scratch? It's unbelievable, don't get me wrong, I don't mean to complain," I said hurriedly, "but this is just incredibly unbecoming of you, you don't even live here yet, but you already behave like you own the place. There are some pretty irritable people living right bellow you and Miss Fröhlich really hates to deal with this stuff. And when she does, it's not very nice, trust me. So please, for the love of god, for your own sake and for the sake of everyone in this building," I looked her straight in the eyes to make my point, "please. Keep it. Down."
"But we live here," Nami retorted, her posture now obviously defensive, with her hands on her hips and hard look on her eyes, "we took it, thank you very much." And here comes the loss of words again. Did I say too much? Oh God, I did, didn't I? Jesus, are you watching over me? If so, man, do a better job, why are you letting me talk so much.
"B-but," I stuttered and wanted to slap myself, "That's not the point! Congratulations on taking the place, but that's even more of a reason to keep it down," I was getting angry, more at myself than her and her glare that said 'you're the one that's complaining, I'm in the right' infuriated me even more, "it's called common decency, it's not about me," I tried to stress my point as much as possible but .
"Well, it's alco common decency not to be rude to people you don't even know." I gasped, these guys are supposed to be oblivious, but what is she then? The worst part was how much I didn't want to argue but she was obviously on offensive, succesfully driving me into a corner.
"That has nothing to do with it! And I'm not trying to be rude," I waved my hands in front of me, "I'm just stating the facts, being ignorant towards others is rude!" I pointed a finger at her and just then realized I was trembling with frustration. God Tashigi, just stop talking, for the love of god.
"You're one self-righteous miss perfect, aren't you?" I deep voice resonated from inside the flat and the one-eyed guy emerged from the depths of the empty apartment. That just had to be the peak of irony. How was I self-righteous? I came to, well, complain really, I know, but it was for their good too! If they wanted to stay here they would have to be a little more considerate of others.
"Excuse me?" I gaped at him, my neck burning hot, I was praying they couldn't see the horrible red spots decorating my neck and jaws. I think those little red traitors would appear because my blood pressure would rise thousand times in situations like these. On top of it, there was something terrifying about that man, I was as afraid as morbidly curious to look him in that scary lone eye.
"Since you can hear every vibration, I think you heard pretty well what I said," Nami was looking back at him so I couldn't see her face, but I could see Usopp's face, who looked somehow relieved upon hearing those words, still hiding behind Nami's figure and slowly moving behind the green haired guy.
"Can't believe this," I muttered under my breath, I noticed I stopped blinking quite a long time ago, Smoker would sometimes tell me when I got scared, I'd stop blinking and my eyes would look so huge, like a piss scared owl. Ugh, go away.
"Did you really just resort to name calling?" I spat it out in shock, realising the meaning of his words a with a little delay. Was he serious? No, were they serious? Ignorant, childish, self-righteous… and how dare he call me self-righteous? There are rules to be followed, rules that benefit to everyone. Like respecting the fact that other people want some peace and quiet. I don't get it. I really came in peace.
"Whatever," he shrugged and shoved his hands down the pockets of his jeans. He looked relaxed as if he didn't just insult a stranger, "You're in no position to look down on us and tell us what to do, so," he shrugged again and looked stone cold. He was looking at Nami, he didn't even bother to look at me. What kind of person was he? I wasn't even talking to him to begin with and he just barged in, called me names and then ignore me. Did I really make that much of a fool of myself?
"Tell you what to do? That's not- I- Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" I exclaimed, raising my voice, if there was something I hated, it was being disregarded like this. Fight me head-on, like a man. His eye landed on me.
"Yeah," he nodded shortly, "and all I hear is 'I'm desperate for attention'," he stood there, static, his eye piercing right through me.
"Desperate for attention?" I almost yelled out, "That's the fucking opposite of what I'm looking for, how dare you make assumptions like this!"
"Alright," he walked to the door and stopped right behind Nami, towering over her like a goddamn Zeus at Olympia, "then you wouldn't mine if your little moment in the spotlight would be over, right?" he grabbed the edge of the door, "we will keep it down," he grinned in such a manner it took the wind out of my sails and I didn't even manage to form a solid insult at him because the door closed with loud bang right in front of my face.
Notes:
Yoooo, sorry I took so long, exams are coming and I had to work on some other stuff. But! I really tried to write this chapter as best as I could, tho I think I'll still have to dive back in sometime later, because there are still places that need some polishing.
So, I hope you liked it! I just realized that i'm in for a long run with this, so ooooof :DDD
And a little late, but Happy New Year!
Chapter 4: The Assembly Hall Scene - This year - May
Notes:
I'm a drama-queen, sue me.
Also, I wrote this in one go, so I'm sorry for any typos, I'll get back to it later and correct it.
Enjoyyy
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
After running away from Nami's party few days ago, I felt so embarassed I chose the worstapproach to handle the situation - I avoided everyone from Luffy's apartment. It creeped me out, how quietly I was moving around my own place, listening to the sounds from the other side of the wall, doing my best to always leave when there was the most ruckus, which indicated that everyone was at home, slimming down the chance of running into Zoro or Nami in the hall if I walked extra quietly and cautiously. With my dumb luck, I expected my plan wouldn't really work and I'd have to be confronted by one of them the first time I'd set foot outside my flat, but to my surprise, I didn't meet any of them. It's not like the chance of running into them was that high, since I was stuck at the computer, writing and writing and writing. True, I did have a lot of work to do, but it didn't really require all that much effort to spend all my time doing only this.
Upon submitting my essay last semester, my professor asked me whether I could assist him with his public lecture on this topic in spring. I was taken aback, because I genuinely didn't think I wrote anything original or ground-breaking, but he told me he really appreciated my perspective and insights and asked me to take part in his lecture to bring a 'bit of freshness' as he said. It felt as much rewarding as stressful.
So here I was, putting together power point presentation, the bibliography, citations, and this old man with three titles asked me to 'put there as many pictures as possible' and funnily enough, whenever I consulted him about the materials for the lecture, majority of our dialogue would be about the pictures. 'I don't like the book cover you chose, isn't there an older one?' 'Hm, I wouldn't use this portrait of Pushkin, I have a beautiful pen-drawing in my office, I'll bring it next time and use that one, please.'
Well, if I could call our correspondence 'dialogue'. It was more like arguing with my grandfather, except I treated him like he was the president, because I was terrified of doinf something wrong. In the end, he was a capacity, and I was honoured to be taken under his wings, so if he wanted different portrait of Pushkin, I'd give it to him.
The lecture was on Thursday, it was Wednesday morning, and I was preparing for my last consultation with Professor Ph.D. González MgA. Yes, I did have all of his titles memorized, since our e-mail correspondence has been so intense, and he really was one of the old-school professors who were very proud of all of their academic achievements and insisted all of his students were to address him properly.
I skimmed through the presentation few more times to check if everything was alright. I rubbed my eyes, it was so early and I already felt like it was midnight. Argh. I threw my head back and slouched on the couch, eyeing the ceiling. Turning my head to left, I watched the lonely cigarette laying on the kitchen counter.
I still haven't smoked it.
When I came home from the party, I was debating whether I should throw it out or smoke it. I still haven't made up my mind. Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to light it, but every time I wanted to go to the balcony to finally have it, my neighbours whom I wasn't talking to right now were always there. If it wasn't Nami having a smoke herself, it was Usopp watching those goddamn birds or Zoro meditating. Their flat was bigger than mine – obviously – but they all seemed to live more on their balcony then in their flat. So, logically, I didn't smoke it. It was laying on my kitchen counter, untouched, just the way I put it there on Saturday night. I sighed and looked back at the ceiling. Relationships with other people were so bothersome, I was too awkward to avoid conflicts and even more awkward in resulting them. Hence my on-going quarrel with Zoro and my tendency to avoid everyone. It seemed like every time I was forced into confronting anything, it always made things even worse.
I knew Nami was probably mad at me and to be fully honest with myself, I have grown to quite like her, despite her nosiness, materialism, and all in all completely different personality than mine. Now I was terrified of arguing with her. Especially knowing how scary she could get once she was serious. I've given relationship with my neighbours so much effort, I was really trying to come out of my shell and be more outgoing, spend more time with people and learn to maintain some kind of friendship with them. I was scared I messed it up. No, I probably fucked it up, royally. Zoro was hard to get along with in general, so no one really gave it too much attention. Though, it wouldn't have to be like this if it wasn't for that stupid thing we did.
Yuck, I cringed just thinking about it. That was the worst, I was so ashamed of myself. You still are Tashigi, if you weren't, you'd face it like an adult and not like a high-school kid. I loved this part of myself that would tell me to always do the right thing and then be just straight up cruel after my actions would come and bite me in the ass. My alarm went off and I jumped up on the couch, just barely catching the laptop I was balancing on my knee as I was sitting cross-legged.
"Great job, Tashigi, you avoided a huge blow to your wallet," muttering to myself, I put the laptop on the coffee table and turned off the alarm on my phone.
"Time to get eaten alive," I stretched, listening to my spine cracking.
"Oof, I need to start jogging again," I really was sitting or laying all the time these days, I was convinced I was developing a hump, "I should renew my gym membership."
I walked over to the kitchen counter and my eyes lingered on the cigarette for the briefest moment before I opened the fridge and tried my best to ignore the tobacco. I fished out the small lunchbox I managed to prepare last night. I mentally patted myself on the shoulder, unbelievable, I'm having a full meal today! I packed all my stuff into my shabby green backpack that have seen better days. It was a jeans backpack, washed out and with many tears from the spots where I used to have all of my university badges that mysteriously disappeared when I took them off once to wash the bag. I put on my most comfortable jeans and my favourite yellow blouse with blue hyacinths and grabbed a sweater. It was probably going to be a warm day but its better to stay ready. As I've thrown the backpack over my shoulder and scanned the room to make sure I had everything, I stopped to listen to my neighbours. It was awfully quiet. Well, I looked at my wristwatch, it wasn't even eight in the morning, they were definitely asleep. I wish I got any. With the lecture closing in, I had trouble sleeping. It was tough to fall asleep and once I did, I'd repeatedly wake up, catching only few hours of sleep each night.
Alright, I braced myself and tiptoed out of my flat, gently, extra carefully closing the door, trying to avoid the loud click of the lock. I hunched down to the lock to slowly turn the key to right without making any noise and was about to sigh out of relief when I noticed a movement to my left. I looked over to my neighbours' door and saw Zoro, with gym bag over his shoulder, basically mirroring me and looking straight at me. Shivers went down my spine and we both stood there for a second, looking at each other, entirely not sure what to do.
I promptly straightened my back and locked the door. There was no point in trying to be stealthy anymore, I suppose. It seemed to wake him up from his trance and he straightened up too, still looking at me. His expression was unreadable as always which made it even harder for me to find the right way to handle this situation. Could this even be called a situation? We're both just staring at each other. I expected him to just leave or just do whatever he wanted to do but he still stood there silently, his eye heavy on me. It seemed as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure what. I was unsure myself, except I didn't know whether I wanted to give him the opportunity to say something, something definitely stupid, or just leave. Then he just grinned, and I immediately regretted my hesitation.
"Creeping around, huh," he folded his arms on his chest and turned his body to me, leaning sideways on the wall. What did I say, something definitely stupid.
"I don't have time for this," I disregarded him and shoved the keys with many keychains from various countries that Smoker'd sent to me into my backpack. I grabbed the doorhandle to make sure I really locked the door and turned to him as well.
"Why don't you go then," he gestured with his hand in the direction of the elevator, that sly grin spreading on his face. I hated him for this kind of talk.
"I am going," I gave him a hard glare and stomped my way to the elevator. Why did I have to run into him, why was he up already? Oh my God, I jinxed my luck. I held his gaze as I was closing the distance between us and prayed I looked scary enough for him to let me go without any further bullshit. Only in my dreams apparently. He grabbed my arm and effectively stopped me.
"And you better talk to Nami," I looked at his wrist circled around my slim arm and then looked him in the eye, full of seriousness, "and while you're at it, maybe apologize too, for avoiding her," he elaborated and I raised my eyebrows, "she's fucking worried."
"That's none of your business," I hissed and jerked my hand in poor attempt to escape his grip, "and let me go."
"None of my business? She's blaming me," he hunched down to me a little, his breath almost ghosting over my face. I just wanted to run, he was invading my privacy on every level possible. I was blaming the irritation for my accelerated heartbeat. I tried to break out of his grip, but he just had to be a dick, as always.
"But it was youre fault!" I hissed in his face, "and let me go, I told you I didn't have time for this," I tried really hard not to make it visible how uncomfortable I was.
"My fault? It's not my fault you're a coward." Did he always have to be this cruel? My lips locked in a thin line. words lost somewhere deep inside my throat. I just silently reciprocated his glare. His nostrils flared up in anger.
"Do you have any idea how much bullshit I get from her every day? For your fucking incompetence?" why was he getting closer? I got it, I'm not fucking deaf.
"Maybe stop behaving like a dick." Well well well, well done Tashigi, how brave of you, you just called him a dick, that'll certainly help the case.
"Oh, so you're avoiding your friend but I'm the dick?" his grin was amused and not easy to look at.
I wish I knew what to say, I wish I knew how to explain my bullshit and I wish I knew why I wanted to justify my behaviour to him. In its core it actually was his fault, if it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have stormed off, no, ran away, like that. I felt cornered, he was towering over me, not just physically, but attitude-wise as well. I hated myself for being so easily intimidated by him, I was like a deer caught in the headlights. Brave curses and name calling really didn't help my confidence at all. I felt the traitorous tears well in my eyes. I behaved like a weak idiot who couldn't even confront a friend over something so trivial and I knew it. And god, why was he right again, i hate him so much for it. His cruel words hurt, but mainly because they were true.
"I fucking loathe myself for this, okay? Could you not rub it in my face for once and let me fucking go?" I must've looked completely pitiful, with those red spots on my neck, tears in my eyes, unable to explain myself, all I could do was just spew few curses and do my best not to cry in front of him. He was right, I had to apologize to her, I should've told her something when I was leaving, she would've understood. Why was I like this? Zoro once told me I was preaching water and drinking wine and he was right. I hated him even more for seeing through me and seeing these sad flaws of mine. His eye was flickering across my face, his hard features softening up a bit and he almost looked sorry. Just almost.
"You're so fucking stupid sometimes." I know. He let go of me and turned to the door, promptly opening it. He gave me a last fleeting look, his expression back to his signature poker face and then he silently closed the door.
Always slamming door in my face.
I took few deep breaths to calm down, mainly not to cry. I rubbed my face few times, leaving my palms wet from tears that gathered in my eyes.
I don't have time for this, I don't have time for this. Nor can I afford to waste my energy on this right now. My academic career depends on how I'm gonna do with Professor González tomorrow. That's what I have to concentrate on. I'll talk to Nami, I promise I will.
My hands were sweaty. I looked at Professor González as he was sitting comfortably in his chair, with cigarette in one hand and cup of mineral water in the other. He was wearing his typical acquire – a brown suit with extravagant cyan blue bow and he looked completely at ease and relaxed, whilst I was sitting opposite to him, tapping my feet and fidgeting with my hands.
"Nervous, miss Hara?" he breathed out the thick smoke. The view reminded me of old movies from fifties, if it wasn't for the bizarre bow, he'd look like a detective pondering an intricate murder.
"Miura," I corrected him, and he nodded few times.
"Oh yes, I apologize, I still haven't quite gotten used to your new name," he tapped the cigarette ashes into the robust marine blue glass ashtray sitting on a coffee table next to him.
"It's alright," I smiled at him, "most people still mistake it."
"May I ask why you changed it?" he drank from his cup with admirable grace that comes with age and experience. Even this old, he was nearing retirement, he looked energetic and way younger than he was. Cleanly shaven, his silver hair precisely parted on side and neatly brushed. Everyone was always wandering whether he way gay or not. He wasn't married, there was no ring on his finger. It was a mystery.
"I…" I wondered for a second whether to share my reasons with him or not, "it's really personal," I smiled and picked up the file with my notes again. We've been going through it for past hour over and over and the more we read it, the more I felt like I knew nothing and wasn't really fit to lecture alongside such a distinguished capacity like Professor González.
"Ah," he smiled and put out the cigarette, "of course it is, I thought you wouldn't elaborate," he looked at his wristwatch and nodded at me, his eyes loaded with meaning.
"It's time," I felt my heart speed up million times. Oh my god. I stood up and suddenly regretted I didn't accept his offer to smoke before the shit goes down. I can do this, I can do this.
"Don't worry, miss Miura, it's always this nerve-wracking the first time, but it gets better," he smiled reassuringly and picked up his materials.
"Okay," I tried to reciprocate the smile and calm down, but my heart just wouldn't slow down.
"It actually gets a little addictive, once you realize how elevating it feels," he muttered pensively as he briefly skimmed through his papers and then closed the file with loud slapping sound and looked at me.
"Does it really? The idea of so many people actually listening to me is…" I trailed out, not really sure which adjective would accurately describe my feelings.
"Eerie? Nightmarish? Bloodcurdling?" he emphasized each word with smile playing on his face. How was he so calm? I knew it was probably a thousandth lecture he gave, but the idea of getting used to it seemed impossible to me.
"Yes," I nodded and clutched to file to my chest as if it was a lifebuoy.
"That's precisely why you need to do it," in few long steps he was at the door leading out of his office, "and I didn't choose you for no reason," he opened the door and gestured for me to go first. I took one deep breath. He was right, I can do this, this is what I chose I wanted to do and I'm going to do it. Failure is just a road to success.
"I won't disappoint you," I gave him a firm look and exited his office, he laughed behind me and locked the door.
"I know that," he reached into his suit and pulled out his phone to turn it off, "so, do we have everything? You have the USB, right?"
"Yes, it's in my pocket," I patted the pocket of my waistcoat as he nodded and made his way to the elevator.
I was left to my own fashion sense when it came to choosing what to wear. I still haven't talked to Nami who was usually my saviour in these situations, so I had to manage on my own. I figured I couldn't wear a sweater and jeans, so I opted for something more formal and dug out my old stuff from the times when I used to dress formally on a daily basis. I can't believe I used to wear these clothes every day. The white dress shirt made me anxious, because I was afraid, I'd spill something on it. To match my professor, I wore a grey waistcoat with grey pants and took out my father's black tie. Simple and formal, I hoped no one would make fun of me.
Oh my goodness, my classmates are definitely gonna be there. I shook off the feeling of potential embarrassment and followed Professor González to the elevator. His office was on the highest floor and the Assembly Hall – the biggest room on our faculty – was on the ground level. The elevator ride was silent, we both read our notes for the last time and were brought back to reality when the elevator came to halt.
The sun was setting already and it casted pleasant orange light into the halls of the old building. Our shadows moved languidly across the walls and series of doors leading to various classes. The sound of our steps was echoing through the halls as we made our way to the back door to the Assembly Hall. When we reached the door, we could hear the humming sound from the inside, the people chatting and laughing quietly. He looked back at me and gave me last reassuring smile and then opened the door. I felt like throwing up. So I fixed my posture, stood as straight as possible and put on the most confident face I could muster. Fake it till you make it, Tashigi.
Stepping in, I felt my lungs constrict upon seeing how many people have gathered inside. It was built for two hundred people and right now it was about half full.
One hundred people listening to me.
I smiled and followed Professor González to the desk bellow the projection screen. I handed him the USB and he plugged it in and shuffled around to spread out his papers on the desk and I mirrored his actions, just to busy myself for a second. He gave me a questioning look and I almost imperceptibly nodded. So he pressed few keys on the computer keyboard and the presentation appeared above us on the gigantic screen.
I scanned the room, trying to pick out some familiar faces and there they were. Nami, Sanji and Usopp sitting in the third row, Robin right behind them. I smiled at them, and they all started waving at me. I did invite them few weeks back, but I genuinely didn't expect them to show up to something as boring as this. To them, I mean. Nami tugged on her clothes and pointed at me with thumbs up and I felt such a relief. I smiled even wider and nodded at her. Professor González brought me back to the matter at hand.
"Good evening," he stepped in front of the desk and smiled brightly at everyone present, "we would like to welcome you to our humble lecture on a very extraordinary topic," he pressed the small button on his remote controller and the title of the lecture appeared on the screen, in thick block letters, "Romanticism – The trans-epochal phenomenon," he read out loud. I stood there and waited for my cue. We practised many times; I can do this.
"Tonight, I brought my bright student, Miss Miura, who's just acquiring her Master's degree and has some very interesting insights," he looked back at me and I stepped in front of the desk to accompany him. I smiled and continued on another slide. I gave my friends one last look, saw them watching me intently. Alright.
"Thank you, Professor González," I smiled at him and peeked at my notes, "to properly understand the Romantic movement, we need to go back all the way to the French Revolution."
Two and half hours later, the Assembly Hall was almost empty, only last few people were gathered around me and Professor González to ask their questions.
It went surprisingly well? I was scared people would ask questions I wouldn't have the answers to, but whenever I felt at a loss of words, Professor González would jump in and save me. He truly was amazing. I did stutter here and there and messed up the dating of few books and once went faster than the presentation, but I was trying not to be so hard on myself. Those were just small errors, could happen to anyone…
Nami and everyone waved at me and she pointed at her phone. I nodded at them and watched them leave the hall. After the hall cleared out completely, the door slammed for the last time and all we could hear were our footsteps, I grunted and leaned on the desk at the front of the room.
"That was incredibly exhausting," I looked at Professor González and he began laughing.
"It always is," he was gathering his papers into the folder and turning off the computer, "but it brings a peace of mind, doesn't it? To be able to share it with so many people?" I was watching him, and he returned my gaze.
"It's…" I began searching for words, "an interesting feeling, I can't really put my finger on it," I smiled and looked at the empty hall.
"It will crystalize with time," he turned off the lights.
"I suppose," I muttered under my breath almost inaudibly. He opened the door to the hall, which was now the only source of light and as I was approaching him, I couldn't see his face, only his silhouette.
"You did a good job, Miss Miura," his voice was soft and silky smooth. My heart sped up again today but for entirely different reason than before. I wanted to hug him so bad.
"That means so much to me," I stopped dead in my tracks, "truly, thank you," I nodded to truly make my words come across. He was silent for a second before he laughed softly again.
"Pleasure's on my side," I stood for a second more and then quickly passed by him. All of a sudden, I felt embarrassed to look at him, for some reason those few lines of dialogue felt intimate and private, like something inappropriate to share with a professor.
I walked out of the faculty and the warm breeze of late spring caressed my face. I breathed in the fresh air, and it filled me with excitement. I almost wanted to start jumping up and down. All of my hard work was finally starting to pay off.
Oh, and Nami!
I pulled out my phone to check whether she called or texted and found a missed call. I tapped at her Name and put the phone to my ear.
"Tashigi!" I heard from the other side, "where are you?"
"Outside, by the main entrance," I looked around and realized I couldn't stop smiling.
"Alright, stay there, we're coming!"
"Okay!" I put the phone in my waistcoat pocket and waited. I wanted a cigarette, one little happy cigarette to celebrate. Just one. I looked at the tiny convenience story across the street. They were still open.
It will take two minutes. Both buying it and smoking it. I hurriedly ran across the street and barged into the store, going straight to the cash register.
"Blue camels, please," I realized I didn't even say hello and the lady with reading glasses and brown knitted cardigan gave me a nasty look while handing me the pack. I took out the cash and gave it to her right away and impatiently waited for the change.
"Goodbye!" I waved at her as I ran out of the store. Everyone was already waiting on the stairs to the faculty, and I started waving at them.
"Hey!" I yelled across the street and they all turned their heads to me and started yelling and waving back.
"You look delicious tonight, Tashi!" Sanji exclaimed as he enveloped me in a hug and just for tonight, I happily let him.
"You sounded so smart!" Usopp patted my shoulder and I pulled him into the hug too.
"Thank you, I have a degree in it," I grinned at him. I looked at everyone and they were all smiling and I felt like in some cheesy Hollywood movie, we were all so happy. I noticed even Zoro, standing by Robin and looking at us, one big hug composed of me, Usopp, Luffy and Sanji. We were jumping up and down and, truly just for tonight, I decided to try to do everything in my power to enjoy my achievement and I smiled at him. His eyebrows jumped up in surprise and he gave me a half smile before looking away.
"Guys, guys, I can't breathe," I started pushing them away and I looked at Nami, who was standing behind Robin, with her arms folded on her chest. I climbed few steps to her with apologetic smile and she gently hit me on head.
"You won't escape tonight," she ruffled my hair.
"It's partey time," Luffy started laughing.
I'll let loose tonight. I deserve it.
Notes:
Yooo, I hope you're enjoying the story so far and thank you so much for the lovely comments! I'm taking my sweet time with developing this story, the more I write it, the more I realize how much I still want to make happen, so I apologize for the pacing, I hope it won't feel too dragged out :DDD well anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you liked the chapter, I know I had a lot of fun writing it. 3:DDD
Chapter 5: The Pub Scene - This year - May
Notes:
I didn't abandon this story, I promise!
I'm a terrible, terrible person and I deserve nothing but hell.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Alright, maybe I expected too much. What I imagined under 'partey time' were some beers in my flat and then heading slightly drunk to bed. Of course, everyone wanted to go out and I was too soft to decline and so here I was, in a pub not that far from our place. Ha, pub! More like tavern. Truly not sure whether even tavern accurately describes the place. I wasn't too proud of being familiar with the place and I'd love to say that I only knew it from afar, as I used to pass by it on my morning run, decades and decades ago. The fact that there were drunk people hanging around it at six in the morning wasn't really upholding its reputation.
The big sign hanging above the glass door that no one bothered to clean since forever said The North Star, outside were those ashtrays on stand, yet the cigarette butts were everywhere but in the ashtrays. Five or maybe six steps were leading up to the main entrance, looking sticky and had this unpleasant sour odour, my guess would be a lot of spilled beer that, yet again, no one has bothered to clean. The chilly air of late spring evening covered the glass door in milky film of condensed water. It also brought out the dead flies stuck to the surface from the inside.
I just stood there, dumbly with my frows furrowed and nose scrunched, staring at the blue sign in PTSD manner, my feet itching to turn me around and run. The horror of entering this place was written all over my face as Nami and Zoro smirked at me mischievously. What did I get myself into. Luffy's arm appeared around my shoulders, and he grinned at me.
"Quit looking so sour!" he shook me violently and I had to hold on to him in order not to lose my balance. "It's going to be amayyy" he stressed the a quite excruciatingly in my ear, "zing." Right, it's going to be amayyyzing Tashigi, or did you think it wouldn't or what? Oh hush, I called myself out, shut my eyes real hard for a second and opened them, trying to push myself into actually believing him. Future Tashigi is going to mock me endlessly.
"Fucking finally, let's get drunk," Zoro grinned, with his head turned back to everyone, as he put his hand on the metal door handle and I felt myself get physically ill just from the mere idea of touching it.
"Does it have to be this place," I whined and let myself be handled by Nami. Luffy was long gone, sprinting inside by Zoro who just calmly followed him.
"It's not as bad as it looks from the outside, y'know," Nami said as she held the door for me.
"What, do I look that horrified?" I laughed nervously and braced myself for the typical pub smell as I entered. Ah right, the smell of wet dogs, unwashed clothes and stale air mingled with the metallic taste of draft beer hit me in the face like a well-practised slap.
"You look like you might run off any moment," Nami teased and as the door closed behind her, my fate for that evening was definitely sealed. It was quite humid inside and I could feel the microscopic beads of sweat forming on my upper lip. Better wash it down with beer, I suppose.
"Ha ha," I returned her partially sour tone, "not this time."
"Well, let's get you drunk so you won't be able to run away," Nami grinned maliciously and wiggled out of her jean jacket and looked around to find the rest of the gang.
"I'm known to perform well even intoxicated," I grinned back at her and took of my own jacket. I just realised what I was wearing and quickly put the jacket back on. Great, nothing like standing out in this kind of place. Scanning the room, the only types of people I could see were the usual punk kids, some were playing the table football, some sat at the long table in the corner, playing cards, smoking weed and generally looking preoccupied with each other. The rest of the people here were mostly men, that somehow desperate looking kind, usually older than fifty, with sad faces decorated by deep wrinkles and oily stains on their jumpers from the nineties, some arguing with each other over politics, some just regarding their half empty drinks (the cheapest beer sold here I reckon) with peculiar despair.
And there I was, in my formal pants, waistcoat and a tie. I caught a white haired man checking me out and I fought the urge to give him the finger.
"Known to perform well? By who?" I shifted my attention to amused Nami, who gesticulated at me to follow her to the bar. The familiar long bar right across from the entrance screamed 'somebody clean me, for the love of god!' and it connected two spaces – small room on the left from the bar, with only one table; very obviously reserved for the regulars. The much more spacious room on the right form the bar was full of smaller tables, with one long at the very end, already occupied by the punk kids. Right next to the table was table football, right where it was the last time. The curtains on the windows were even more yellow. And the jukebox was still there and looked like it still worked.
Unbelievable. It wasn't that long ago after all.
"By everyone here," I muttered to myself quietly so she wouldn't hear me and tried my best to hide my face and my clothes, and my whole self from everyone's eyes as I headed to the bar. Zoro and Usopp stood by the bar, patiently waiting for the beers for all of us. I tried not to look at the barmaid, because I really didn't want her to recognise me in front of everyone. Oh god, I got goosebumps just thinking about admitting to them that I used to sit at the regulars' table. I genuinely preferred them knowing nothing about my past, I was quite content with being regarded as a weird and nerdy hermit that lives next door. That was it and it was all I wanted and needed. Not even Smoker knew what I used to do here. Thank god.
"So where we gonna sit?" I asked the two of them, more Usopp really, pretending Zoro wasn't even there was much easier. Nami stood next to Usopp complaining about the beer and arguing with the woman (her name was Monique, I could never forget, really) behind the bar about the best drink (and cheapest).
I felt Zoro's eye on me and tried my best not to return the gaze, as I stubbornly looked at Usopp who seemed stressed about the beer foam going down from all the waiting.
"There," he pointed on the left without gracing me with even a single glance, busy with watching over the foam.
"Looking at the foam won't prevent it from going down, y'know," I laughed and looked in the direction of his pointed thumb, making sure my eyes wouldn't linger on Zoro's figure standing so close to my left side. And there it was, another surprise of the evening, my eyebrows will be very butch these days, from all the lifting.
"What?" Zoro asked, his voice surprisingly free of any mockery, sounded more genuinely inquisitive than anything and I gave him a quick glance with my traitorous eyes before quickly averting them to Monique's skilled hands, drafting our beer.
I cleared my throat, "nothing."
"You sure didn't look like it's nothing," he attempted to sip his beer, but Usopp reached past me and grabbed Zoro's arm and forced him to put the glass down. He clicked his tongue in annoyance and rolled his eyes.
"What is it to you?" I watched the interaction with amused smile and maybe tried to hide a little from Monique every time she looked over the bar as well. I was praying that Zoro would be annoyed enough to drop it. Or maybe he was just too annoyed to drop it. One never knew.
"I don't know, what is it to me?" He leaned on the bar, playing with rim of the glass, his face sour and weirdly enough amused at the same time. I snickered and leaned my back on the bar's edge, realized everyone could oogle me like that freely, so I wanted to turn my back to Zoro and face Usopp, yet that held two fatal cons – Monique could look me in the face and most probably recognise me and I also wasn't that rude to turn my back to someone who's talking to me. So I turned to Zoro with a sigh. Maybe I should've shown him my back and added middle finger too.
"Do you want to talk like two adults or play these games?" My eyebrows shot up on their own, maybe just mirroring his, "I'm not in the mood to do neither with you, honestly."
Zoro laughed, annoyance still apparent on his face. After all this time and everything we went through together, I still had no idea where I stood with him. I felt like he was watching me all the time, whenever I looked his way, he was there, returning the stare. Hell, his perceptiveness irritated me to no end, but it wasn't really that omnipresent eye of his that would piss me off so much, it was what he did with the obtained information. I never knew whether he was going to cuss me out or be decent, talk to me or ignore me, be normal or annoying. I really had no idea. Knowing he saw and not knowing what would come next was perhaps the most frustrating thing.
I knew he realised that something was wrong and was just trying to rile me up a little so I would spill whatever I was obviously hiding. Sometimes I would naively ask myself 'why?' and then internally face palm. Half of our interactions was him being a dick to me or being a dick to me in a joking manner, whatever it was supposed to mean.
Oh goodness, I didn't want them (most of all him) to know I used to come here. I was embarrassed myself, even though it was years ago, and I was young and stupid and had nothing better to do than waste my time here. Most of all I didn't want them to hear the stories. I felt the embarrassment manifest itself once again on my neck, the spots spilling red and hot on my jaw. His eye danced across my face for a second and I felt myself grow even redder. Unfair.
Suddenly he grinned and reached out to me, "I think you enjoy playing the game."
The red spots were pulsating on my skin despite the fact I froze completely, breath stuck in my throat. He was still looking at me as he reached past me, that dumb grin still playing on his lips. He was the one enjoying the game, for fuck's sake. I quickly woke up from my stupor and stepped away from the bar, nearly bumping into Usopp, who's hands were full with pints.
"Watch it, Tashigi!" I quickly side stepped one more time and stepped on Usopp's foot instead of solid ground.
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" Tears formed in the corners of Usopp's eyes, and his jaw clenched. I really did step on him with all my might, oh my god. "I'll take the beers at least," I extended my hand towards the beers in his hands and his eyes shot open.
"Absolutely not! No!" he rushed past me. I looked back at his retreating figure as he hurried to the table and quickly set down the glasses to look at his now much dirtier shoe. I couldn't even be mad. Really, I got it. Zoro laughed behind me again and oh jesus christ, why did he have to be there every time I did something completely stupid.
I noticed that the old men sitting at tables were whispering among themselves, some snickering some openly laughing, one of them even pointed a finger at me. Oh god.
I turned around with finger pointed at Zoro, "You're the one enjoying this game," I spat out the word 'game' like it was a curse word. Taking it out on him might've not been all that fair.
"Never said I didn't, four-eyes," he continued laughing and oh so innocently winked few times. Grabbing the rest of the beers Usopp couldn't, he made his way to the table where everyone already sat. Nami watched me with lips pressed together. Traitor, I knew she wanted to laugh too. I joined her by the bar, still attempting to hide from Monique, everyone in the pub and I just wished the ground would swallow me whole.
"There, there," she pat my back, "four-eyes." I looked at her, the euphoria from before we got here was all gone, all that was left was the desire to go to sleep and never wake up again. I just sighed. I felt a lonely tear welling in my left eye and I looked up to send it back where it belongs. The man got on my nerves and words were never enough to express the sentiment. Tears usually did the job almost flawlessly. The only flaw they had was the fact that they weren't invisible.
"What are you waiting for here?" I tried to find a different topic.
"I don't want beer," Nami looked positively disgusted, "I'm watching my weight plus it's too bitter anyway," she drummed her fingers on the bar impatiently. Monique was preparing her drink at astonishing speed of a snail.
"Oh, and I almost forgot, Tashigi," Nami's hand appeared on my shoulder, "this is technically a club, so you have to be member first," she looked at Monique, "would you give her the questionnaire for the card?" and I made the mistake of looking at Monique at the same time as she glanced up at me. I don't know what I expected really. Surprise? Joy? The 'long time no see, pal'? Monique's hollow eyes, positioned deep in her skull, slipped back to the task at hand instead.
"Tashigi already has one, don't you?" Monique placed Nami's drink on the bar and handed us the bill with six lines for every beer and one 'skinny bitch'.
Quickly picking it up from the bar, I merely muttered "yes," and grabbed stupefied Nami.
"Come by for a shot later!" Monique called after me and I just nodded with tense smile. We made our way to the table and the only two spots left were by the wall, directly facing the open space of the whole pub. The place where I used to sit. What was this? Is this karma? Did my past come back to bite me in the ass? All I wanted was quiet and peace for the rest of my life.
"What was that?" Nami stopped me before we sat down, laugh spilling out of her mouth in staccato of a car engine that just doesn't want to start.
"What?" Playing dumb? You're a genius Tashigi! Yes, yes, thank you, I knew it was the smartest approach.
"You come here? You?" Nami was fully laughing now.
"Wait, you come here too?" Luffy looked up from his place between Usopp and Sanji. "I always knew you were cool, Tashigi," he stretched across the table, almost laying on it, to present me his fist. I wasn't sure what was lamer, fist-bumping or fist-bumping over the fact that coming to this place supposedly makes me cool.
"That's weird, I come here all the time and I never saw you here," said Robin, eyeing me and I shivered. Still had no idea what to think of her only that she was fearless, coming here all the time. This place slowly drains you of any dignity and one day you just wake up and you're Monique.
"Yeah, I don't come here too often," I laughed nervously and scratched my burning neck. Nami was still laughing. It was annoying.
"Well, sit down already! I want to drink the beer," Usopp nearly cried and to my horror Nami pushed me to the seat next to Zoro and quickly sat down next to Usopp herself.
"You have to show me the card, I don't even believe you," Nami kept on laughing and raised her glass, "let's drink!" the words hardly said.
"To super cool Tashigi!" said Luffy and everyone raised a glass, some with obvious reservations to such toast, we all know who was 'some'.
"Yay," I wanted to sound sarcastic but something more sing-song-ish came out. I cleared my throat, "to me," and smiled like a complete idiot and everybody laughed. Why did they want to be my friends again? I never asked. Maybe I should.
And oh my god, the beer was majestic. Fantastically awful, just like I remembered. God, I loved it. Why did I stop coming?
"Show me the card, I wanna see the number," Nami nudged me and supressed the urge to roll my eyes. If I give them something now they might let me be afterwards?
"137? What the fuck Tashigi?"
Wrong.
Nami laughed, "no one here has three-digit number, are you serious?" she looked at me with tears in her eyes, her face red from laughing. "And bellow five hundred? Oh god," she kept on laughing.
"What? It's not my fault I was here just after they started doing this," I pointed at the card.
"Girl, I bet you were standing in line to get this number," she was still laughing, even hysterically I'd say. And yes, I indeed did stand in line, but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell them. It was summer and it was hot and I just wanted a cold beer and since they started doing this thing nearly everyone who went to the bar had to get the card anyway. Again, not my fault.
I just laughed at Nami's comment and wanted to take the card back, but she already passed it to Usopp who was comparing it with his own card and then passed it on to Luffy who was showing it to Robin.
"It looks quite worn out," Robin's blue eyes found mine, "you use it a lot, don't you," her pokerface was truly marvellous, because I had no idea whether she was going to mock me as well or if she was just commenting.
"It's just old," I replied with a shrug.
"Hm, but look," she slid her finger along one side, "this side is visibly uneven."
"Looks like it was used for doing lines for centuries," Zoro snorted next to me, his eyes challenging behind the rim of the pint. I just laughed.
"Yeah, right," I quickly took the card from Robin and put it back to its designated spot in my wallet. Monique just made her way in our direction and Robin turned to her to ask for shots.
"Oh and Monique?" she asked the tired woman, "you know Tashigi?" Robin turned to me and this time her devilish smirk couldn't be mistaken for anything else.
"Haven't seen ya in a long time, Tash," she gave me one of her sour smiles and I smiled back. I genuinely tried to make it look like honest smile but I'm not sure how it actually turned out.
"Yeah," I took a sip of my beer and looked away. God, someone make this stop.
"We were just talking about her card number," Robin smiled at Monique and I decided to actually look at her. She obviously got older, her cheeks grew hollow, probably from all the drugs she did here but overall, she still looked the same. Still wore striped clothes, her hair still dyed black and in the same hairdo, the same big hoops dangling from her ears.
"What about it?"
"It's so low," Nami laughed and I caught Monique's hollow eyes.
"Yeah well," she shrugged and I sighed internally. Thank god. The conversation was over.
"What was the number again, 147?" Robin asked and Usopp was quick to correct her.
"Oh, the legendary 137," Monique performed one of her rare acts of an actual smile and I sunk down in my seat.
"Legendary?" Luffy's eyes were huge, sparkling with interest, "are you like a local legend or something?" I was just at loss of words honestly. Because legendary? More like infamous. And I'll never be too proud of that.
"You guys never heard it here? Legendary one-three-seven ratio? What a night, I still think about it sometimes," even hell would be nicer than this. And she even continued, this was the most talkative I saw her in years.
"I still don't know how is it that possible we didn't have to call an ambulance," she laughed, "but you tell them yourself, should be fun," she waved her hand as she went to get the shots. Yeah right, so fun. You know what, friends? Let me tell you about the time when I was 19, had no limits and did drugs and spend all my days here getting wasted. Ha, fun right? Yeah, I was this close to becoming a junkie, yay, what a time that was, let me tell you about the horrible things I did and the horrible people I hung out with. I'm sure you'll love it.
Everyone was looking at me so expectantly.
"Don't tell me you actually used the card for lines," Zoro's eyebrows were raised nearly all the way to his hairline. I grunted and threw my head back. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I never intended for anyone to find out this skeleton in my closet.
"In my defence, I was young and stupid and had too much free time, alright?"
"So you frequented this place?" Robin asked.
"Frequented? She used to work here at some point," Monique appeared out of nowhere and set a tray with shots on the table.
"Oh c'mon now," I whined, hiding my face in my hands.
"Cool, cool, but what is one-three-seven ratio?" Luffy insisted and took the shot and downed it in one go, loudly slamming it to the table.
"Do you people need to know everything?" I wanted to cry, I swear I'm not such a crybaby as it seems but it was always the situations they engaged in that had to be completely mortifying.
"Yes?" Nami laughed next to me. Oh fair, what else did I expect. I guess I should rid myself of any expectations when it comes to them.
"Alright, I'll tell you about it, but that's it, okay? I'm not telling anything else, full stop," I raised a finger in warning, hoping I looked as intimidating as I wanted.
"Deal, deal, deal," Luffy banged his fists on the table few times and jesus, why was he so excited? This was probably the last evening I'd ever spend with them considering the fact I was about to tell them about the stupidest era of my life and he was celebrating.
"Okay," I sighed and braced myself, "one night, lot of people with similar number to mine were here and we decided to play a game," I was playing with the beads of water on my pint, looking anywhere but at my friends, "so we'd come up with a challenge for each and everyone person and whoever could do everything would have drinks on the house, right?" I took a sip, "So they thought of a challenge for me and seriously, it was set up so I'd fail. It was one line of MDMT, three beers and sever rounds of traffic lights – one-three-seven," I shivered at the memory. Monique was right, how did I survive that?
"Traffic lights?" Usopp asked.
"You guys don't know traffic lights?" I was quite surprised, I thought everyone knew the game, "well, it's three shots, each a different type of alcohol – and just for your information, everyone does it a little differently. So each shot is a colour of the traffic lights – mint liquor for green, cherry liquor for red and some use vodka for yellow and some go with scotch," I closed my eyes, trying to remember the awful taste of all three shots, "I had to go with scotch," my face scrunched up in disgust. Still hated scotch after all these years.
"So, it was one line, three beers and eh," it took me a while for count the number of the shots, "twenty-one shots," I sighed. Oh boy, that sounded horrible, saying it out loud like that.
"And you did all of that?" Usopp handed me the shot and I reluctantly took it. Just talking about it made my stomach churn. Truly, how do we survive things like these? I felt like being young came with a special shield protecting me from consequences of excessive drinking.
"Yes," Yeah, so I took the shot to wash down the bitter taste of memories rising up my throat. And some laughed, some looked at me as if I was from a different planet, overall I was given way too much attention.
"Tashigi, you're an animal," Luffy reached across the table again to pat me (slap me) in the face multiple times to show me his respect.
"How did you not die on a spot?" Nami asked.
"Oh I did," I laughed, "I threw up everything after that and then I just wanted to sleep but couldn't because of the drugs, it was a shitty night," I peaked at the red spot on the floor by the bar.
"You guys see the red spot right there?" I pointed my finger at it and everyone followed it, "Jim Devil painted that the day after to forever remind me of the purgatory I went through. They even built a tiny memorial to mark the historical event," I rolled my eyes. Oh, Jim Devil, how is he doing? I wondered whether he still has that dog that looked like it was on the brink of death since day one.
"Who's Jim Devil?"
"He went to rehab, I doubt you guys met him," I finished the beer, took out my cigarettes and got up from the table, "and if you excuse me, story time is over and I'm going to smoke now." I took my jacket and made my way outside.
If I have to be honest, I was tempted to go home, to quietly disappear, but something held me back, perhaps my conscience. Either way, I lit my cigarette and reflected on all those moments I'd sit here in the morning, after closing the place, just watching the sunrise over the building, smelling of smoke and beer with my skin oily from the humid air inside, somehow balancing between feeling extremely happy and empty at the same time. Ironically, I felt almost same tonight. For the love of god, I did my first lecture tonight, one of my first real academic accomplishments and here I was, regretting my past actions, not enjoying my achievements at all. I chuckled and watched the smoke come out of my mouth and disappear in the air. I just remembered Zoro, how he once told me – and it wasn't even related to this at all – how I 'fuck up my future over shit that happened in the past'. I was making a big deal out of this again, wasn't I? I supposed I just didn't want them to know this side of me because now, when I'm older and I hope a bit wiser, I wouldn't want to know that Tashigi. Maybe it was time to forgive her. Zoro was right, if I kept beating myself over the past, how can I go forward?
Coincidence is funny thing.
The door creaked and I instinctively looked back from my spot to see him coming out with two pints in his hands.
Notes:
Oof, so here we are. I actually wanted to abandon it, y'know. But I just realised I didn't feel satisfied with certain aspects of the story, so I'm thinking I might go back and edit it a little, because I genuinely enjoy the whole idea for this story that I have in my head.
Anyway, this is a bit 'darker', I updated the tags so they're accurate and yea... Tashigi's past, which as you can see might be a bit more complicated than it might seem at first glance. It was quite hard, writing this chapter I mean, but I enjoyed it a lot honestly. I hope you guys liked it and one more time, forgive me for being such a horrible person, who the hell takes 9 months to update a chapter, oof.
Chapter 6: The Ambulance Scene - Last year - December
Notes:
I present to you
e
with a sprinkle of drama, because it wouldn't be me, the queen of drama queens, if i didnt succumb to my character and didnt add a shitty plot i personally wouldnt like to go through (again in this case haha)
enjoy kids 3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I was so engulfed in my responsibilities I almost didn't notice that Christmas was approaching fast. Faster than I thought. My first clue was when I was returning home after my evening shift at the library and noticed Christmas decoration installed on the streetlights in our street. Grey buildings and road covered in dirty snow lined by trees with their naked branches, everything shimmered in the warm orange light of the decorations. I blew out smoke from the only cigarette I allowed myself today and watched it float above my head until it disappeared in the black night sky.
The frozen snow gave a crunch under my boots, almost eerily echoing through the empty street. It was quite late indeed, I got stuck at the staff party and couldn't escape. My colleagues had this tradition of having a library party at the beginning of December, because the whole month was always incredibly chaotic due to all the students freaking out about winter exams and generally making a mess in the faculty library. So, everyone thought it was a good idea to get drunk and enjoy nice night before all hell breaks loose.
And here I was, tired after a long day, returning home, dying of possible frostbite because I forgot to take a hat today and I swear, my earlobes were about to fall off any moment. On top of that I also managed to leave my headphones at home, and I unfortunately had no time to go get them during the day so I was just truly stranded with my noisy thoughts.
Maybe I didn't want to acknowledge Christmas because all my thoughts kept coming back to another Christmas spent in solitude. I was never the type to take holidays too seriously, I never really had the chance to experience 'real' holiday, nor was I raised to treat it as such. But it did get lonely sometimes. Everyone, and by that I mean those three people I was willing to spend time with, would go around their own business – which was of course understandable – and I was left on my own. The ironic part was that it got progressively lonelier the older I got. I thought that with age would come wisdom and with wisdom a peace of mind. Instead, I was facing a depression that was slowly creeping on me. I pushed away the thought of the only person who used to keep me company during these times and who chose to spend his time sailing a goddamn sea instead.
I threw the cigarette butt in the nearest trash can and dug my hands deeper in my pockets. The colder it got the longer the walk from bus station to our building felt. I checked the time and cringed at how ridiculously little time was left until midnight. I had to get up at six the next day. Sigh materialised itself in shape of steam. This week was hell so far. Not only I had classes everyday from early in the morning and then work, I also had to pray everyday I wouldn't run into one of my new neighbours with whom I didn't have the best start. Everyone from that apartment would frown at me the second they'd see me. Remember when I thought I didn't care what others think of me? Yeah, we know Tashigi, that was a naïve lie. I cared a lot more than I was willing to acknowledge. It was annoying, both their attitude and the way I perceived it. I sighed once more and felt my shoulders slouch.
Maybe I should go and talk to them? At least set up some kind of status quo? Yeah, and fuck it up colossally again. Great.
I was reaching our building and my feet were carrying me so fast to the warmth of the building I was almost running. But as I approached the main entrance, I noticed a suspicious figure slouched in front of the door. Halting my feet, I was hoping I didn't make my presence known. The area wasn't particularly dangerous, but one never knew. I was too paranoid because of my experience with local men. I've seen my share.
Said suspicious person made an attempt to grab the handle but so obviously missed it by couple of inches. I made a slow step back. What was I supposed to do? I could walk around the block and take the back door but what if they noticed me? What if it was a robber? Or a junkie? My life flashed in front of my eyes and I made another step back, carefully. The idea of tripping just now felt ridiculous and painful.
The person went for the door handle once more as I made another slow step back, holding back breath and just trying to merge with my surroundings. Then they turned around to lean on the door with one shoulder and I instantly recognised the funny nose guy from next door. He looked positively wasted and oh my god, I'm so glad it's not some strange man who'd rob me the first chance he'd get. Oh wait, abort, I'm not sure I want to have anything to do with frowning and condescending people.
I made a move to really make a run for it but he waved at me. I pushed my glasses up my nose and saw him squinting at me, his lips revealing the dumbest smile I've ever seen.
"Hey," Usopp drawled out the greeting and it was my turn to frown for once.
"Hey?" He looked and sounded suspiciously close to somewhat intoxicated. "You alright?" I couldn't resist asking.
"Me?" his head fell back with a bang and I cringed at how painful it sounded. He was definitely wasted or high. Maybe both.
"I'm fergalicous," his tongue obviously couldn't keep up with the word but magically I understood anyway. If I wasn't so goddamn cold and he wasn't blocking the entrance I would even laugh.
"Okay, Fergie," I came up closer and noticed how his jacket wasn't buttoned up all the way up and how his scarf was thrown haphazardly around his shoulders. He also smelled horribly of smoke.
"Cute," he smiled, his eyes glassy and his gaze heavy.
"What?"
"wha-" he said and all of a sudden he was vomiting all over his shoes. Oh god. I was happy I was wary enough not to approach him too close.
"This is not very fergalicious," I muttered to myself and took out a paper napkin from my pocket, "here," I offered him as he tried to wipe his mouth with his sleeve. He silently took it but managed to spread the vomit around his mouth and nose even more.
"Lemme help you," I took him under his arm and he stumbled forward. I thought maybe he would get better after getting it out of his system but he seemed even more out of it than seconds ago. He was heavy on my shoulder as he leaned on me while I tried my best to find the keys with one hand which proved to be impossible with Usopp's nearly dead weight. My glasses were sitting on my nose and therefore there was nothing holding back my hair which were now slowly getting stuck to my forehead due to all the sweat I managed to work up. Usopp was quiet. Too quiet.
"Looks like you had a wild night," my voice cut through the silence. I have to admit I wasn't completely comfortable with the situation, but I'd definitely hate myself more if I just let him be. Poor guy would freeze to death. Helping him get to his apartment was the least I could do. Usopp mumbled something back but this time I didn't understand nothing.
"Aha!" Found the keys. Balancing Usopp on one shoulder and my open bag on the other, I was trying my best to aim for the keyhole. Before I could manage that, Usopp painted the glass door with another fresh dose of puke. I instinctively jumped back, forgetting about Usopp's dependence on me and there we were, laying on the ground, in Usopp's first batch of his stomach content.
"What the fuck," I spat out in shock and looked at Usopp who was laying on me. God, my ass. I realised that leaving him now, which was very tempting in all honesty, was impossible. The poor guy was so out of it. "How much did you drink, for the love of god?" I felt the warm puke under my calf and cringed in disgust. I didn't receive any response, only his heavy breathing and tears glistening around his eyes, puke snot dripping on my coat from his nose.
"Okay," oh so gently, I rolled him off of me, "what do we do with you?" this is the last thing I imagined I'd be doing tonight. My old routine of taking care of drunk guys kicked in and I dug around my bag to find my water bottle.
"You should drink some water, c'mon," I scrambled around the ground to get to a squat and lift him up so he could drink but he was barely conscious. I shook him but nothing. Alright. Slapping wasn't my favourite activity, but it's not like I had many options. It seemed to do the trick as his eyes fluttered open, his pupils dilated and barely in focus.
"Drink," I pushed the bottle to his lips, his hands immediately attaching to its cold glass and holding it in place as he gulped it down.
"Better?" He slowly nodded and wiped his mouth, knuckles on his right hand were slightly bleeding. He must've scraped it when we fell. I took out another napkin, splashed some water over it and gently tapped the scrapes.
"Alright, let's get you home, okay? Can you stand up?"
"-inkso."
"Okay, good, I'll help you," I jumped on my feet and bend down to lock my arms around his torso as he weakly scrambled to his feet. God, he was a lot heavier than he looked. I felt my foot slip on his already partly frozen vomit. If I wasn't holding on to him, I'd be on the ground again. After few minutes of struggling, I managed to get him up and somehow help him inside. Phew, at least we're inside, one step conquered. The floor was slippery and those few steps from entrance to the elevator took an eternity. Even Miss Fröhlich could make it faster on one of her rare good days. I was so not looking forward to explaining this to her. Goodness, I just realised if I tell her they're making such a mess after few weeks of living here, I don't even want to think about the consequences it could hold for them. No no, that's an issue of future Tashigi, there's a bigger problem at hand.
Usopp seemed a bit better and luck was on our side, as the elevator door opened right after I pressed the button.
"Thank God," I muttered under my breath and pushed the drunk guy inside. And there came another batch. Usopp's free hand shot up to his mouth and the vomit burst through his fingers.
"Oh god," I jumped back, though there wasn't much space to hide from him and some of his stomach content made it to my coat anyway. He just bent forward, still clinging to my sleeve with one hand and trying to stop the puke with the other. The elevator door closed and we started moving up which, quite obviously, didn't do poor Usopp's gut a lot of good. Another batch came once more. Our shoes were basically drenched by now. All my previous experience did prepare me for this job but having my clothes soaked in someone else's vomit is something I could never get used to. Obviously, I didn't even want to. I patted his back.
"There, there, almost home," and as my hand graced his back I felt him shiver and then he was out cold, collapsing on the floor with loud thud.
"Usopp?!" I bended down hastily to him and slapped his cheek few times but nothing happened. Choked out sound came from his open mouth and I immediately turned him to his side, another dose of vomit came out, followed by white foam.
"God no, Oh my god, what's going on," now I was freaking out for real. What was that? Foam? Is he choking? What am I gonna do? Why tonight of all days, why me, what- I felt my heart speed up as I looked under his lids and all I could see was white. This wasn't good at all. The elevator stopped and I froze for a second, shocked, feeling a surge of adrenalin rushing through my head, making me see stars for a second.
"Ambulance," I stood up, "no," I looked out in the hall, "get him out," I bended down but the doors started closing, "fuck me-" I put my leg before the door to prevent them from closing while holding on to Usopp's limp body. The door retreated back, allowing me to incredibly fucking slowly drag him out in the hall.
"The ambulance," I muttered and started looking for my phone in a rush, collapsing on the floor right next to Usopp. Why the fuck couldn't I find it now, what was this luck, "c'mon," I cursed my bad luck with tears in my eyes. When I found it, I realised my glasses were foggy, tears blocking my vision, my fingers trembling and struggling to type in those three numbers.
"Calm down, calm down," I was trying to tame my breathing while keeping Usopp's head turned to side with one hand and almost crushing the phone in the other. Why was it taking so long? Fucking hell, somebody pick up!
"Isn't this supposed to be emergency line?" I nearly screamed. This stuff I didn't want to see again. I escaped this type of people, why was it still haunting me even now? I looked up and saw two pairs of legs approaching me. The two other guys from Usopp's flat.
"What's going on?" the green haired one crouched next to me and someone turned on the lights. I didn't even notice it was dark.
"I don't know," I nearly cried, "noone's picking up," I looked at him and he returned my concerned gaze, motioning to hand him the phone and I gladly did. His eye was fixed on me as he patiently listened to the phone and then looked at the display, only to give me one fleeting look, pressed something and put it to his ear again. The black-haired guy crouched opposite from me, studying Usopp's face.
"Isn't he just wasted?" He looked at me.
"No, look," I pointed at the white foam in the corners of his mouth, "could be," I caught my breath, "alcohol poisoning," the last few syllables getting lost in my haphazard breathing. The other guy stood up in the meantime and I only heard his voice, urgent and distant.
"What should we do?" I turned to him, but he just held out his palm in front of him. That's right, hold your horses and calm down, Tashigi and upon those words I took one steadying breath. The last time I saw this was also the last time I saw Jim Devil. That night was the night I realised I couldn't keep on living this way. That horrible double life, one worse than the other.
"No, he's not conscious," what was the guy's name? Zoro?
"I don't know how much."
"Where'd you find him?" Luffy I believe?
"Fucking-," Zoro gritted through his teeth, holding the phone's microphone, "hush."
"Downstairs," I whispered.
"Go get water," Zoro patted my shoulder.
"I gave him some, he puked it out." Zoro repeated it to the phone.
"Keep him warm? Okay," without a sparing a second, I motioned to Luffy to help me keep Usopp on his side while I took of my coat covered in Usopp's vomit and spread it over him, tucking it underneath him the best I could.
"Should we take him outside or- okay, okay, the address-" Zoro looked at me, his eye urgent. I quickly recalled the address and he repeated it to the phone and then hung up.
"They'll be here in few minutes, someone needs to go out to show them the way and the rest should wait here."
"I can go," I offered.
"You sure?" Zoro looked concerned. "I mean we can take care of him but just-"
"No, it's fine, I'll go, I need fresh air." Zoro eyed me and slowly nodded, Luffy still holding on to Usopp like his life depended on it.
"Hey Zoro, he's not gonna die on us, right?" Zoro smacked his head.
"The fuck you're saying," he growled.
"I'm off then," I made few steps back and they both just nodded. I took the stairs to stretch my limbs and force my blood to circulate again. I pulled out the cigarettes out of my pocket. My promise by damned, I'd die if I didn't have one at least. I didn't even notice I was almost outside, my surroundings passed me by in blur.
The lighter clicked and smoke filled my lungs. Shiver went down my spine, it got even colder and I didn't even have my coat, only thin sweater and shirt underneath.
"Jesus Christ," I crouched down, "he'll be alright," I kept on repeating to myself with my eyes closed. It started snowing and the street grew even more quiet. I looked at the vomit all around the main entrance. It was almost completely frozen now. How much time passed? I left my phone upstairs. No, no, that's good, that's alright. Blue and red light cut through the silence, the sound of car approaching hitting my ears. I quickly stood up and threw the cigarette on the ground and run to the edge of sidewalk to wave at the ambulance.
"Here," I jumped up slightly as I waved my arms above my head and the car pulled up right in front of me. Two men and one woman jumped out, pulling out the stretcher.
"Hello, he's upstairs," I motioned with my hands over my shoulder and the men took the stretcher, while the woman approached me.
"Alright, let's go," she passed by me and I quickly followed.
"Is this his?" She turned to me and pointed at the vomit staining the glass door, her face serious, her lips in rigid line.
"Yes, he vomited several times," I confirmed.
"Okay," she continued inside, the men waiting by the elevator, "is it gonna fit?" I asked and motioned to the stretcher.
"Yes."
"Floor?"
"Fourth." They nodded and stepped inside the elevator. There wasn't much space left and the woman turned to me, "we take the stairs." I just nodded and followed her.
"Is there someone with him?" the woman's voice firm voice cut through the sound of our steps.
"His neigh- flatmates." I stuttered out.
"Good, we'll need his insurance card and ID."
"Okay."
The rest of the way up was silent, only our steps and our heavy breathing as we hurried all the way to the fourth floor. When we reached it, on of the paramedics was already assembling the stretcher and the other one tending to Usopp while talking to Zoro who's eyes immediately found mine.
"Everything alright?" I kneeled down.
"Step back," the paramedic said and I jumped to my feet.
"I'm sorry." Zoro stood up and made his way towards me, to stand close to me.
"I gave them his papers," he commented, his hands in his sweatpants pockets, "they said he should be fine."
"Did anything happen when I-"
"He threw up again, but that's it," he looked at me and I just smiled weakly. Only then I noticed several wet stains on his Pink Floyd shirt.
"Good… I was worried," hugging my cold limbs, I leaned on the wall behind me and Zoro mirrored me. "And Luffy?" I looked around, realising his absence.
"Sent him back inside, it'd be a mess," he shrugged and watched as the paramedics loaded Usopp on the stretcher. The woman approached us.
"I need your phone number so we can call you when you can pick him up," she handed us a form that was filled out with Usopp's personal info and offered a pen. Zoro took it and quickly scribbled bunch of numbers on the paper and returned her the pen.
"Alright, all set, you did well," she smiled at us and I returned the smile. "We're taking him to the Municipal Hospital on the Grand Street," she turned her head back to nod at the other two guys taking Usopp away, "judging by his state, he should be alright by tomorrow, in two days tops," she smiled again.
"Can we help with anything else or is it-"
"No no, we're gonna handle it from here on."
"Thank you so much," Zoro said and stretched his hand in front of him. Who shakes paramedic's hand? Confusion was written all over the woman's face and I probably didn't look much different. She hesitantly shook his hand and waved goodbye to hurry after her colleagues. My head fell back to rest on the wall and I let out a sigh.
"What the hell." I huffed and rubbed my face to drive out the sudden exhaustion that weighed down on me.
"Yeah," Zoro's voice, "Nami's much better at handling this kind of shit, what a fucking bummer she's not here." My eyes made their way to his face on their own.
"What do you mean? You handled it so well, I wish I could be this collected," I lamented with weak laugh and recalled the pathetic tremble of my hands. I closed my eyes to get rid of the embarrassment settling in the pit of my stomach. Quiet laugh next to me tore my eyes open again and I met Zoro's eye.
"Want me to pat your shoulder and tell you how well you did?" small wrinkles decorated the corners of his eyes to underline his amused smile.
"I- no, that's not what I-" I stopped myself from babbling on. The lights went out and I felt him shift next to me, his arm brushing against my shoulder as he made his way to the light switch. The white light spilled across the quiet hall and I looked at him. I forgot all about that quarrel weeks ago, his horrible words, the door banging closed right in my face, all those moments when I passed everyone by with a frown, the awkward moments in elevator.
"I should go I guess," quickly collecting myself, picking up the bag I left laying on the floor and gave Zoro an awkward smile.
"Wait-" I stopped dead in my tracks.
"Yes?" I turned around and saw him sticking his hands in his pockets.
"You wanna come inside?"
"What?" We regarded each other for few seconds and he rolled his eye.
"Fuck, I'd feel like a dick if I didn't… eh," he obviously looked for words for a moment there, words that apparently didn't want to make it past his lips, "y'know, to thank you and shit," he uttered and looked away. Tiny smile forced its way to the surface of my face.
"You don't have to, I'd do it for anyone," and oh god I just realised I most probably really would, "plus," I continued, I didn't want to completely discredit his attempt at being nice, "it's late and I wouldn't want to impose or anything."
"You wouldn't," he said hastily and looked somewhat pained, "really." He seemed almost childish as he stood there in his pyjamas, hair dishevelled with nearly petrified look on his face. The white light added to the shadows under his eyes and I realised I probably looked as pathetic as he did.
"I don't know, it's late…" the words just slowly faded away.
"Dunno 'bout you, but I'm not gonna sleep after this any time soon," his hands found his pockets again and he rocked on his heels back and forth.
"Fair," my lips pursed in an awkward line, not really knowing what to say. He sighed.
"Okay, look, we didn't start out well, I know, but lemme just, I don't know, invite you in for a drink or something."
"A drink," my tone was amused and he raised his brows, "after this?" I nearly laughed.
"Right," hand in his hair as he laughed, "man, do I have to beg or what? Luffy will come banging at your door if I don't bring you anyway," God, was he embarrassed? If he wasn't such a macho dickhead before I'd think he was almost cute. Almost.
It was hard to decide what to make of it, one shouldn't judge based on first impressions, but first impressions also set the tone of every relationship, didn't they? And after the last time, I didn't feel particularly comfortable with having a drink in their apartment, with him of all people. He called me self-righteous miss perfect. His voice and its ugly bite resonated in my head. On the other hand, company didn't sound like the worst idea. The question was what kind of company really.
He was right, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep now and staring at my ceiling while tossing and turning in my bed, definitely overthinking, didn't sound appealing.
"Alright, I get it, I know when to give up," his tone was sharp and cut right through my train of thoughts, "still… thanks," he nodded and hurried to his flat.
"No, you're right," the words left my mouth even before I could think them through, "this is childish," I laughed and waved my hand around, motioning at the general situation. He turned around, with his hand already on the door handle.
"Peace?" I made few cautious steps in his direction and stretched out my hand. He looked at it and then in my eyes.
"Yeah, good idea," he squeezed my hand firmly, his palm dry and warm compared to mine.
"Fuck, your hands are cold," his arm retreated back quickly.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, it's horrible, they're always cold and sweaty and generally disgusting, I should put on gloves or something before I touch anyone, god," I huffed in embarrassment and felt my so not favourite red spots appearing on my neck.
"Nah, I just thought you were cold," he laughed, his eyes measuring me as he opened the door and motioned with his hand for me to come inside.
"Oh," and I felt them red traitors spread to my jaws, "yeah, I am," I cleared my throat, "but y'know what? I'll just run to my place to-"
"You're not chickening out on me, are you," he leaned in a little closer and I pulled my face further away from him. I noticed he had this habit of physically intimidating others, somehow asserting weird kind of superiority over everyone. It felt weirdly unsettling, especially considering his one eye.
"No!" I resisted his mockery right away, yet those red spots still didn't vanish, "I'd just like to change at least," looking down at my clothes and smelling myself, I wouldn't want to enter anyone's apartment in this state.
"Shit, right," he looked at me and then at himself, "we look like we're coming back from some highschool party," his eye scanned my horrible attire and he snickered.
"One more reason to change, I guess," I returned his grin, "so, I'll be back in few?"
"'right, see ya in a bit," he courtly nodded and closed the door.
Yet another sigh escaped my lips as I slowly made my way back to my apartment. Suddenly, I felt how weary I was and how bed was the only thing I wanted. If it wasn't for the remnants of stress still making my palms sweat, I'd maybe fall asleep on the spot. I reached in my bag to retrieve the keys. God, I wanted my giant lilac sweater and Smoker's comfy sweats he left me. Thick socks and maybe dig through his old liquor stash to bring something with me. I need a shot real bad.
I put the bag on my doormat that said 'enter at your own risk' and dug through the bag. Where were they? Oh no. Where was my coat? I looked around the hall and the lights went out again. I jumped to the switch and turned them on. The hall was empty, except for few vomit stains on the floor. I rummaged through my pockets and went through the bag again. Don't tell me they took the coat with them and don't you even dare tell me I left the keys in there.
"Nooooo," I whined under my breath and almost wanted to cry. Will nothing go as planned today? I just realized I didn't even have my phone. How was I so out of it? The only thing I could do was to go back next door and beg for help, I guess. I was too tired to freak out. My head slouched down in defeat. I just got back up on my feet and went to the next door to knock.
"Open the door," I heard Zoro's muffled voice and in few seconds Luffy appeared.
"Yo, come in," he opened the door wide and grinned.
"Thanks," and as soon as I made it past their threshold, his arm was around my shoulders and he rustled my hair, "thanks for helping Usopp," he looked so relaxed I almost wanted to cry in envy.
"Uh, sure," I tried to wiggle out of his hold but he was really persistent. He kicked the door and it closed with a loud bang. I jumped up in surprise. So he was the one who didn't know how to close door like a normal person.
"Come on in, lemme show you 'round our mansion," he laughed and stepped deeper inside the flat, dragging me behind him, his fingers wrapped around my elbow.
Our apartments were on the top floor and they used to be on giant flat, but Miss Fröhlich had the place reconstructed some years ago and made one big flat and tiny one. Mine was only two quite small rooms, one bedroom and one room with kitchen counter, plus bathroom of course.
Theirs was basically exact copy, only mirrored and with small hallway leading to the left from the entrance hall, probably to other rooms. Luffy left me at what looked like the living room door and I quickly took off my now disgusting boots and invited myself in. Making my way inside the room, I noticed the mess in there. Lot of dishes scattered around and some empty instant noodles cups. Nothing screamed student flat more than this room. Wine and beer bottles were put in a neat line along the left wall, leading all the way from the door to the balcony, right bellow telly they had installed on the wall. A huge couch occupied the right corner, right by the windows and right wall with pillows and blankets scattered haphazardly all over it. Small lamp cast a dim light, right above the couch and added comfy atmosphere, bordering on a suspicious den vibe.
"Beer?" Luffy called to me from the kitchen counter, leaning on the open fridge with some questionable looking bottle in his hand.
"That'd be nice, thank you," I took it from him.
"Yeah, hold on though, gotta find opener," he chaotically started opening one drawer after another, clearly having zero idea what was were.
"No, that's fine," I waved my hand and put the bottle plug in my mouth and opened it with my teeth.
"Wha-" I was starting to understand who I was dealing with when I gazed at Luffy and his jaw was basically on the floor, his eyes huge as saucers, "how'd you do it, that's so cool, show me, show me," he was in my face basically.
"What, you never seen anyone do that?" I laughed and handed him the open bottle, "gimme yours," and I put the bottle to my mouth, "you basically put the edge of the plug behind your bottom teeth, press your upper teeth on it and pry it open, like this," I slowly demonstrated, feeling Luffy's eyes inside my mouth.
"The fuck are you two doing," snort came out from behind me and Zoro made his way to us.
"Tashigi can open bottles with teeth, it's so cool, here here, open Zoro's," Luffy handed me another one from the fridge that was still left wide open and I winced. I could practically hear Smoker's nagging about the electricity bill.
"God," rolling my eyes, I opened another one and gave it straight to Zoro.
"You're not all that much of a puritan as you present yourself, are ya," he laughed and lifted the bottle to toast. "so, to peace?" he grinned playfully, making me hold back a snort. Thank God he didn't leave space for me to answer that, that would be the last thing I'd want to elaborate on.
"To super cool Tashigi!" Luffy raised his bottle.
"I think we should drink to Usopp's health?" that felt much more appropriate then the previous two toasts.
"Yeah, to Usopp's poisoning or whatever," Luffy giggled.
"I-" that wasn't what I meant at all, "sure, yeah," I smiled, the bottles clanked and we drank. Boy, that was some cheap beer.
"Didn't you say you were gonna change?" His bottle now standing on kitchen counter, Zoro regarded me with his arms folded on his chest. The red spots appeared again.
"Yeah, I…" god, this is so stupid, "I think I left my keys in my coat…" Zoro looked at Luffy and back at me, cogwheels visibly turning behind his eyes.
"Oh," he drew in breath in realisation, "that coat."
"What coat?" Luffy asked and jumped up to sit on the counter, the bottle resting between his thighs.
"The one we gave Usopp," Zoro brushed him off, yet Luffy didn't seem to take it too seriously as just nodded in understanding.
"Yeah, I kinda… have nowhere to sleep right now, I suppose," I smiled awkwardly and dropped my bag on the floor next to me, leaning on the door frame next to the fridge, clutching the bottle tight to my chest, "I mean I could go to Miss Fröhlich to ask for the spare key, but that's truly the last thing I want to do now."
"She can be real pain in the ass," Zoro commented and took a sip of the beer.
"True," I nodded, "but in her defence, she's really old and still running this whole building, so," I shrugged and took a sip as well.
"So what you gonna do?" Luffy asked, "you can stay here, if you wanna, y'know," his legs dangled back and forth as he rocked on the edge of the kitchen counter.
"No, no, absolutely not," I shook my head violently and caught their surprised gaze.
"What?"
"Didn't think the idea of staying here would offend you this much," Zoro grinned and Luffy laughed in response.
"No no, that's not what I meant!" my neck was flaming hot, "I just already feel like I'm imposing, I can't possibly stay here and impose even more."
"Imposing? You're literally just standing in our kitchen, the fuck you talking about," Zoro looked at Luffy who just grinned, "stay."
"Besides," Zoro shuffled a bit and leaned on his hands, resting on the counter behind his back, "we owe you now, so at least we'd be even," his fingers drummed on the surface as he waited for me to consider his words.
"You don't owe me anything," I resolutely shook my head, "no," the disagreement sounded nearly pensive, "it was simply the right thing to do," I looked at both of them.
"You're like some superhero," they both chuckled like it was some kind of inside joke, "Miss Always Doing The Right Thing," Zoro continued on Luffy's idea and his challenged me. What?
"Well, excuse me for caring," I huffed, "at least I actually do something instead of just name-calling, Mr Don't Know How To Apologize," why was I participating in this game? God, what has become of me? Does this flat have some kind of curse? Am I cursed now? If I stay here for the night, do I become one of them?.
"Do something? You tried calling an ambulance without fucking dialling first, Ma'am," Zoro laughed and oh was that what it was?
"I was stressed! I'd love to see you if someone collapsed on you in a fucking elevator."
"Oh, swear word, dirty," he snickered.
"How about you stop nit-picking me and apologize for leaving my coat with Usopp?" And Zoro threw his head back as he laughed.
"Apologize? You were literally there, you could've done it yourself."
"But you were there too, I didn't think you'd hand over Usopp to them with my coat still on," my eyes widened in defence.
"Maybe you could watch over your stuff better."
"Maybe you could stop mocking me after this ordeal, or you know what? Stop mocking me, period." He regarded me silently for a second and something flicked in his eye and he reached inside his pocket.
"That reminds me," he handed me my phone, "your stuff."
"Oh fuck off, don't make me reconsider our peace," I huffed and he laughed again. He had a nice laugh as long as it wasn't condescending. This laugh was definitely condescending.
"You're funny," Luffy was almost done with his beer, eyes twinkling and flicking between me and the green haired bastard who so obviously enjoyed bugging me.
"Yo, want a shirt to sleep in?" Luffy's offer took me by surprise. He didn't strike me as completely thoughtful.
"I'm not sure I should stay."
"Sure you will, c'mon," LufFy jumped down from the counter and started taking his shirt off.
"What are you doing?" My eyes widened at the sight of the skinny boy struggling to pull his shirt over his head.
"Giving you my shirt," he said it like it was the most obvious and casual thing ever.
"No no no, wait," I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him from taking it off, "oh god, you don't have to," laugh escaped me at the bizarr situation unfolding in front of me. I blew away the hair that fell down to my eyes and pulled my glasses up to hold the unruly locks in check. Short or long, it was still in way. Zoro shook his head in disbelief and took off.
"Lemme find you something," he walked away.
"No, wait, you guys," I almost ran after him, "you really don't have to, goodness."
"S'fine," he waved his hand.
"Yeah, lemme take your stuff," Luffy picked up my bag and left me stupefied, turning my head from retreating Zoro to Luffy and back as if I was a nodding doll.
"Your bed," Luffy's toothy grinned shined all the way to me from across the room, where he was standing next to the couch, "I sleep here all the time and it's amazing, come here," he waved at me and dropped the bag on the floor like it was a bag of potatoes.
"Looks really comfy, to be honest," I regarded the messy, somehow cosy den.
"It is, you gotta try, common," he patted the spot vehemently.
"I don't know, my clothes are dirty-" He waved his hand and pulled me down to the couch in an instant, laying down right next to me. This guy had zero idea about personal space. He reached around us and covered us in all the blankets, tucking us in a cocoon.
"Cosy, right?" Luffy was grinning right next to me. I did feel uneasy being this close to him but he was so casual about it, not really pulling any sketchy moves, I was surprised at how easily I actually relaxed. I hummed in response and in all honesty enjoyed the company. Me and Smoker would sometimes fall asleep on couch like this and it usually was the best sleep I'd get. This kid next to me felt nothing short of a small brother, childhood friend perhaps, who you could just goof with and generally relax.
"Thanks Luffy," I mumbled and felt my eyes close.
"Uhuh," the last thing I heard was his consensual hum and then sleep engulfed me completely.
