Hey guys, happy Chicago Wednesday!
Here's a little something for you. Hope you enjoy it.
Thanks for all your reviews, can't want to see what you think about this one.
Happy reading!
Xoxo,
Nina
Falling asleep was hard, at least it was for me. After our bath we got into bed, neither of us was hungry. I guess the whole situation made us both lose our appetite.
As soon as my head hit the pillow and the bedsheets covered my body, I felt Kim moving closer to me and snuggling into my side, as if she was seeking protection and I was torn, shattered inside.
Kim was a warrior. My strong, feisty, powerful, fearless and sexy girl; but not right now. She reminded me of a helpless little baby, in desperate need for protection. She was broken, she was sad, she was in pain and I was struggling to give her back that safety, confidence and peace of mind she was in lack of.
It only took a few minutes after her head found my chest for her breathing to even out and tell me that she was finally resting. I, on the other hand, stayed most of the night awake trying to find answers, but mostly a way to help her.
She wasn't giving me a lot to work with, and I'm not saying this because I don't believe her, I do; but a part of me, a part that I'm hating with all I have, can't understand why she doesn't want me to get involved. What was the fucking nature of their relationship right now? The mental picture of Kim in that turquoise lingerie was far from a turn on, because the only thing that came to my mind was Willis having her.
At the same time, I couldn't erase from my head the fear in Kim's eyes when she saw the box and its contents. It was raw and sincere. She couldn't be faking it to hide an affair.
I was furious and terrified at the same time. Furious at Matt and terrified that maybe I took too long to realize this, that maybe he was hurting her, or that he had already done that and I couldn't do anything about it.
My need for answers was overlapped by my urge to protect her, and I was gonna do whatever it took, no matter what the consequences were.
I woke up first, way before my alarm was supposed to go off. Ditta needed a bathroom break, Kim needed to sleep and I could take some fresh air to see if it would straighten my ideas.
"Morning." Her voice was the first thing I heard when I opened the door, letting Ditta and myself in. She sounded different, embarrassed? Ashamed maybe?
"Morning." I left the keys in the bowl that rested on the little table she had in the entryway, next to the door.
"Thank you for taking Ditta out. I didn't hear her calling."
"You were out completely. I thought it would be better if I let you rest and took care of that."
"You didn't have to."
"So, you're not gonna let me do that for you either?" My words were sharp like a knife, and tinted with a pain I didn't know I had inside. I guess I was hurting too. I guess her shutting me out like that, not letting me help her was having a much bigger impact on me than I was letting on to.
The silence after my comment was uncomfortable. Neither of us knew what to say, but she was braver than me and spoke first.
"Did you sleep ok?"
I sighed, because the honest answer to that question was not going to make our moods lighter and it was obvious that that's what she wanted to attempt.
"Umm, I didn't really sleep. But the part where I got to hold you close to me was nice." There. I gave her the best I could, pronouncing words that came right out of my heart and got her to smile.
"I made you coffee."
"Thanks."
"Adam?" She stopped what she was doing and turned to look at me. "Are we ok?"
"Yes."
"Ok." My brief answer didn't convince her. It was clear in her words and in her face.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes, and I will solve this. I promise."
"Kim…"
"Adam, you believe in me, right?"
"More than you can think of."
"Then trust me to take care of this." Again, the fear in her eyes, the doubts, the lack of confidence and the total despair in my soul.
I did trust her and I believed in her, but this was too much for me to take.
"Let's eat something, and then head to work." I did my best to avoid the subject, which was completely useless because that was all I cared about right now.
"Adam…" She pleaded because she needed more than that.
"Look, I get it, I do. I'm trying to do my best to support you, but I have a lot of information to process. We'll be fine, I just need some time to sort this out."
"Ok. I respect that."
Breakfast sucked. It was silent and distant, not us at all. I was starting to wonder if I did the right thing staying last night. Maybe my current attitude was hurting rather than helping her. All I knew is that I was trying my best to let her know that I was there for anything she needed, which is hard when the other person doesn't want your help.
When we were ready to go, she offered to drive me to Kev's to get my car, but I declined the offer. I needed some time alone, think about all of this without her attentive watch over me and to be honest, I think she needed that as well.
"I, um, I'll call you later."
"Ok." I walked over to the door after her sweet lips pecked mine, but turned around to look at her when my hand touched the door knob. "I love you. I don't want to leave without making that clear."
"I love you too."
I wrapped her into a hug and kissed the top of her head, before reaching for her lips. "We'll talk later, ok?"
"Yeah." She nodded and kissed me one more time, before I stepped out the door.
I was off for the rest of the day and everyone realized it. It started with Kevin when I went to get my car, and continued with Voight who asked me to stay in the bullpen going through pods and financials, because he knew I would investigate thoroughly, but the real reason was that he didn't think I was in the right mind to be out in the field and to be honest couldn't blame him.
"Hey kid, need a hand in here?" I looked up from my desk to the sound of her voice. I must really look like shit for Trudy not to be mocking me.
"I'm good. Almost done with the pods, but nothing relevant popped up."
"I didn't mean work. Voight asked me to keep an eye on you, I told him that you were a grown ass man, you don't need a babysitter; but now that I see you, I kind of think you could use a shoulder to lean on."
I smiled weakly, as she brought a chair over and sat next to me. "What's going on?"
"I am not sure."
"Are you in trouble?" I chuckled. More often than not I would get stuck in some sort of issue due to my impulsive and hot headed character, but that wasn't the case today.
"It's not about me."
"Ok. Your family? Is Bob in debt again."
"No. It's not that. Pops is fine, he's settling down in Florida."
"Well, do you want to talk about it?"
There was a long pause because I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to say too much, but at the same time I was totally lost and maybe seeing someone else's perspective would help. "Um, I think a friend is in trouble and I don't know what to do to help." Trudy just looked at me, expecting for me to give her more. "I mean, I know what I want to do to help, but she won't let me."
"Oh. She." She started to play with a notepad that was laying around on my desk. "So, this isn't just any friend."
"No. She's my girlfriend and something really messed up happened and I think someone needs to speak up."
"How messed up?"
"Verry. Let's just say that if I speak I could ruin someone's career. If I'm right or if I'm wrong."
"And are you sure about what's going on?"
"No. And that's what's killing me. She won't open up about it and I'm scared."
"That she's lying to you?"
"Yes." Trudy looked at me with wide eyes. "I'm afraid she's not telling me something worse. And I don't know what to think, because she's either cheating on me shamelessly or she's in deep shit."
"Do you trust her?"
"I do."
"Do you think she's worth it?"
"Yes."
"And what does your gut instinct tell you?"
"That she's in danger."
"Then, since when are you doing what people tell you to? Go get your answers, but be smart."
I looked down and then I felt her hand squeeze my arm. "I don't know what she's going through, but keep in mind that sometimes people are ashamed to tell the truth, sometimes they don't open up to protect the ones they love. Remember that when you think about this, maybe she wants you to stay out of it to protect you from her demons. I'm here for anything you need, ok?"
"Thanks sarge."
Trudy stood up to leave but hesitated, as if she was considering whether she should speak or not.
"For what it's worth, I know who your girl is. I heard a thing or two about her."
"Yeah, her name's been out there. But sarge, what people say" I could finish talking because she cut me mid sentence.
"I choose to ignore gossip, Adam. I'm way past that. I'm talking about her as a cop, I'm talking about what Voight told me about Saturday, and they are all great things." I couldn't help smiling proudly at that. "I also know her boss."
She kept walking towards the stairs and spoke once more without looking at me. "Trust your gut, Ruzek."
And with that, she left me alone with my thoughts and my designated task.
I spent the following hours trying to concentrate, to do my job and be useful for my team. It wasn't fair to them that because I was having a personal matter I wasn't able to join them and do what I was supposed to do, but Platt's kept circling in my head. That last sentence she said before leaving, that wasn't vague, that had a purpose. She made me feel like she perfectly knew what I was talking about and that I was right on wanting to do something about it, wanting to protect Kim from this psycho.
I wasn't gonna wait any longer, I had to do something about it and from my perspective the sooner it was done the better.
I stepped out of the building and went straight for my car. I was supposed to go pick up food during my lunch break, but that could wait.
I took out my phone and sent a few messages. Being the son of a cop and a cop myself I had a few strings I could pull and in just a matter of seconds I had a pin of the last location where he was seen and I didn't think twice before starting the engine and driving there.
His car was in plain sight, but it was empty. I guess he was inside the restaurant, doing the same thing I was supposed to be doing, getting something to eat. It took longer than I expected, but he finally stepped out holding a brown paper bag in his hand, sunglasses covering his eyes, and that arrogant posture that I was dying to destroy.
My hands gripped the steering wheel with such force, showing all the anger that he triggered in me.
I knew I was supposed to stay back and do nothing, give Kim a chance to solve it like she asked for; but my rage was totally clouding all of that, making me act out of impulse with the only goal to keep her safe.
"Sergeant Willis." I roared when I got off my truck, shutting the door behind me.
"Yes? How can I help you, officer?" He replied with a charming smile when he acknowledged my badge clipped on my hip.
"Sorry to bother you, we haven't met in person yet. I'm officer Ruzek."
"Yeah, I know who you are." His smile now displayed mockery. "Did Voight send you? Do you need help with a case or something?" He kept moving towards his car, not giving a damn about my presence there.
"I don't need your help, no. But I would like you to keep your relationship with my girlfriend as respectful as it should be." My words made him stop and turn around to look me straight in the eye.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I know what you're doing and we both know it's wrong."
"First of all, you don't know anything about me officer Ruzek, and I believe you're crossing one hell of a line right now. What you are implying is serious and you should be playing with that."
"You are so cynical. I'm the one who's crossing the line? So, sending lingerie to your subordinate is not?"
As the words came out of my mouth I could feel a giant flame consuming my insides, and when he laughed at my statement I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from punching you in the face.
"She told you that?" He asked, getting nothing out of me. "And you are so naïve that you bought it." He laughed again.
"She didn't have to tell me anything, I was there when she opened the box, I read the card myself and I took pictures which I'm not afraid to share with the Ivory Tower and report you for harassment."
He stepped closer to me, in total defiance. "You listen to me kid, do you really think someone will believe that? That I'm harassing someone? That my lover is being harassed by me? Only you can buy that. You have no idea how many times she wore things like that for me and she loved it." He moved his face next to my ear and whispered the next part. "She loved it when I fucked her." He went back to looking at my eyes. "And it's just a matter until she realizes you have nothing to give her and comes back to my arms, well, to my bed. I just keep reminding her until she caves."
I didn't think. I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed his back against the door of his car.
"Easy kid. You touch me and you can say goodbye to that shiny badge of yours. You can't prove anything."
"Everything that you're saying is pure harassment and I won't rest until you pay for it. Did you fucking hear me?" I pushed him again, this time the sound his body against the metal made was much louder.
"I heard you, but I can't care less. Now if you don't mind, I have a unit to run." He shifted his body to make me loosen the grip on his clothes and got in his car to leave.
"Fuck!" I yelled at the emptiness of the parking lot. This was worse than I thought.
