Down for the Count, but not Out


Grif: (heard in distance) Sim- Where'd he go? Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!

Blues

Caboose: Man... He is really kicking their asses.

Tucker: How come I never get the fucking sniper rifle?

Cunningham: Cheer up, Tucker, I don't have one either.

Caboose: (lowers the rifle) I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs.

Jonathan: This sure would make a lot easier on all of us...

Caboose: You think switching Tex for Church was a good trade?

Cunningham: It definitely seems like the two idiots killing Church is starting to work out for us.

Caboose: Ya know, ya think so? You know, I was gonna say something but, uh, well you know, uh... nuh…

Tucker: Did Tex get in the base?

Caboose: (raises the rifle and watches Tex enter the base) Yeah.

The blue flag reappears in Blue base

Male Game Voice: Blue Team, flag returned.

Tucker: What the...? Who said that?

Cunningham: The hell? A game voice?

Church: (clears throat) Sorry, that was me. I, uh, I guess I had something stuck in my throat. Your flag is back, by the way.

Caboose: Hey, it's Church!

Church: Yeah, it's me. Hey, Caboose.

Caboose: (peppy) Hey, Church, what're you up to?

Jonathan: Yeah Church, what're you up to?

Church: (laughs) ah-huh-huh, I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay? How'd you guys manage to get your flag back?

Tucker: Wh-What? Oh, th-that flag? We-.

Cunningham: (interrupts) We actually got this new guy that's actually more competent

Tucker: Y-yeah...

Church: (skeptical) Really...? And who's this new guy?

Tucker: Zeb-

Cunningham: -Diah.

Tucker and Cunningham looks at each other, then looks at Church again.

Tucker and Cunningham: Zebidiah.

Church: Zebi… Diah ?

Tucker: Yeah...

Cunningham: Yup...

Church: (sigh) Tucker, Cunningham... I know Tex is here, you cant fool me. Hey wait a second were is Tex?

Tucker: I'm not really sure, he said he was gonna go to the store, something about uh, elbow grease.

Cunningham: (punches Tucker's arm) Elbow grease? Really?

Church: Oh great. This is so typical! What was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?

Caboose: (clueless) That Sidewinder is cold..!?

Church: (grunts) What was the OTHER one thing I told you?

Jonathan: That Freelancers can beat people with they're own skulls?

Church: (growls) No! The Other Other thing I told you guys!

Barrus: Not to let him get involved?

Church: Right. And what did you do?

Cunningham: …We let him get involved.

Church: And not just a little involved. How involved?

Caboose: Very, very involved.

Tucker: Absolutely involved...

Red Base

Sarge: (emerging from the left) Freeze.

Hanby: (emerging from the back) Aight ya little shite hole, don't move!

Lopez emerges from the right, trapping Tex in.

Sarge: Drop your weapon.

Tex: (drops the gun) Hey, buddies.

Sarge: What.

Tex: (faces Hanby) You seem familiar, though you really better hope the first one knocks me out.

Hanby: Bet on it...

Fong: (a door nearby) I heard Something, hold on got a get my crowbar...

Tex: Wait a minute... That voice, Th-.

Tex was interrupted by Hanby hitting Tex with his right arm with a clank and thud could be heard, conveniently knocking Tex out.

Hanby: Hah! Too easy...

Wine: (Emerging from the door) Awww man... I missed it.., goddammit...

Hanby: Looks like we got an elite Freelancer! How lucky we are.

To the other reds.

Grif: Ow, what the... My freakin' head. Jesus.

Patterson helps Grif get up, with a big problem due to him being heavier than the armor that he's wearing

Patterson: Ah, Damn... You good?

Grif: Yeah, I-I'm alright.

Simmons: (stands up from tending to Donut) He's hurt, Patterson, Grif. He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast.

Grif: Yeah, yeah, hold on one second. What happened here? W- First Donut's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started-

Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out.

Patterson: Yeah no, I heard a girl screamed and a thud immediately, We know that was you

Grif: Haha! Knew it. Man, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Simmons: Man, just go find Sarge, we need to get Donut outta here.

Grif: Yeah, sure. Oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way. Thanks for asking. (runs down the ramp)

Simmons: Whatever, no one likes you anyway.

Blues

Caboose: Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead. … (inhales sharply as he has an epiphany) Or captured AND dead!

Church: (sarcastic) Oh, well that's just PERFECT!

Jonathan: Oh, really?

Church: NO!

Tucker: What!? What is your problem!? Why do you even care if he's captured? I thought you hated that guy anyway for stealing your girlfriend.

Church: I never said I hated Tex. I just said that she was the reason why we never got married.

Caboose: She?

Jonathan: Who?

Scotty: What?

Red Base

Simmons: Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here.

Sarge: Could you put that in a memo and entitle it "Shit I already know!" Get on the horn with Command! (turns to Tex) Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup.

Hanby: Good morning, ya wanking asshole.

Tex is standing, sparks flying from the right shoulder, jerking it back. There's a brief sound like a distorted voice.

Tex: (now sounding female) Oh great... You broke my voice filter. You cock biting fucktards!

Grif: Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big!

Wine: Shut up Hore-fuckers.

Tex: …What's the matter? You never seen a girl before? How long have you guys been out here?

Hanby: For an approximately... 4 years...

Fong: Oh Yeah! A new record!


What do you think of the new cover for the story?