Human Peer Bonding


Blue Base

Tucker: Let me get this straight... You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And, on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?

Church: In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary.

Caboose: I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls never like me.

Tucker: Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you.

Caboose: I like me...

Tucker: I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark?

Scotty: Evolution works in mysterious ways. My man.

Church: I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark.

Caboose: Wait, oh wait, oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?

Jonathan: Yeah, Church why IS she named Tex?

Church: Uh... because she's from Texas.

Jonathan and Caboose:

Cunningham: (brief silence) sounds stupid...

Church: Shut it Cunningham, your names Basically. it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with.

Tucker: Right. You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!

Church: Will you shut up with that? She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell.

Cunningham: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, and IIII'm from Florida.

Jonathan: You are?

Cunningham: Hell no! I'm not a walking corpse.

Caboose: A.I... What's the A stand for?

Church: Artificial.

Caboose: …What's the I-

Church: (interrupts) Intelligence.

Jonathan: Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?

Barrus: Lets just, move on now would ya?

Tucker: So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?

Church: Oh hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch. It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements.

Cunningham: WooohoooWow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper.

Church: Shut up Basically. (to Caboose and Jonathan) So how're you doing, with you guys? Are you two following any of this whatsoever?

Caboose: I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot!

Jonathan: Oh Oh! And... And... Your a Clone!

Caboose: Yeah! A... gay clone robot!

Church: Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay clone robot.

Cunningham: Pfffft HA!

Red Base

Grif: So, you're a girl, huh?

Tex:

Simmons: Just ignore him, that's what I do.

Grif: Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya?

Tex: Hey, punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you.

Grif: Yeah, right. What're you gonna do? Punch me?

Tex leans in at Grif quickly. Grif flinches and steps back.

Grif: Ahh! Not in the face!

Hanby and Sarge walks in.

Sarge: Quit yer whining dirt-bag Grif!

Blue Base

Church: Well don't worry because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex.

Tucker: A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a ..mission statement?

Cunningham: Tucker, those are the same thing.

Tucker: Oh...

Church: I just need you guys to run a distraction, while I spring Tex.

Caboose: (nervous) Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like "decoy."

Jonathan: (also nervous) Yeah... Heh. Does sound like a "decoy."

Barrus: I think it IS a "decoy."

Church: The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many Freelancers we have out here. So all I need from the two of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the base.

Church looks at the teleporter, then everyone looks at it too.

Tucker: (looks back at Church) …Oh fuckberries…

Cunningham: Heh, ready for another throw Tucker?

Tucker: Oh double fuckberries…

Red Base

Wine: Goddamnit i didn't yell UNO in time!

Simmons: Alright Wildcat, as punishment you'll have to blindfold yourself, and turn around to play, until its your second turn.

Wine: HOW THE HELL AM I GUNNA PLAY THIS SHET! Oh This is just Bowl Sheit!

Patterson: Goddamn! you are loud as shit!

Grif: Damn with that voice even the Blues can hear you lightyears away!

Fong: (chuckles) haha man, this is better than cockatoos.

Somewhere:

Pink with shorts: COCKATOOS!

Purple: Woah! Slow down will you?!

Pink with shorts: COCKATOOS!

Green: Auwaugh!


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