A/N: Self-control? Don't know her. Have another chapter.
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Kushina has never been great at seals. It's a lot of puzzle solving, which Kushina has never been good at, and it's a lot of art, which Kushina has also never been good at, and it's a lot of sitting in place for multiple hours, which Kushina is terrible at.
That said, the moment Shiori took an interest in the wards, Kushina went straight to Uncle Arashi for sealing lessons.
She's pretty sure the man almost cried in joy.
(She almost feels bad about telling him sealing was boring three years ago.
Not really, because it is boring. And frustrating.)
There's so many words you have to remember, and so many rules for how to balance and angle things correctly, and you have to sit in place for hours because if you rush it and get something even slightly off, the seal either blows up or works as intended for a couple seconds and then does a whole bunch of other stuff that you didn't want it to do.
(But Shiori touched the wall, and touched the wards, and it was the first time that unspeakable sadness left her lil Mochi. Seals did that, so Kushina loves them even as they make her head spin and her fingers cramp up and blow up in her face more often than not.
Seals are what's going to keep her Mochi going, going to keep her there with her, going to take her mind off all the pain that's tangled up in her tiny self.)
Kushina struggles through hours of lessons, and the next day teaches everything she learned to Shiori, and her baby sister cousin will smile like there's nothing better in the world.
Those smiles, big and wide and triumphant every time she gets a seal to work?
Yeah, those smiles are worth everything.
(Then Konoha-nin come, and pretty soon Kushina won't be able to teach Mochi at all.)
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Shiori starts crawling, and talking (albeit only to Kushina), and acting like a kid, and slowly the clan forgets that the future heir was ever anything other than a cute, lazy toddler.
(Arashi doesn't forget.
He remembers the fist fight Nanami-nee got into with Dad. He remembers drinking the Good Shit with her in his office as his brave big sister, who always had emotions too big for her body, cried into his shoulder. He remembers weeks of debates on whether Kushina should go back to her status as Clan Heir after Nanami-nee, which both Kushina and his big sisters battled against with tooth and nail.)
Shiori crawls now, and she talks to Kushina, albeit with an expression of bone deep exasperation. Nanami-nee is smiling like she used to, Kushina is finally taking a vested interest in seals so she can teach Shiori more, and Dad is finally shutting up about offing the poor kid for 'the betterment of the clan' like they're the fucking Hyuuga.
Everything should be fine.
He stares at his niece, who eyes him with distrust at best and fear at worst, and he doesn't know what to do. He can't think of why the kid is so afraid of him specifically, when Kenshi-nii is a foot taller than him and Nanami-nee is scarred to hell and back. He can't even remember saying anything derogatory about the kid, which he knows for damn sure she understands and remembers if the way she treats Dad is any indication.
The kid is just scared of him.
(Maybe he's being stupid, and feeling jealous that his adorable little niece won't let him hold her, but damnit Arashi is worried.
Why does she always look the most scared when he's in his Uzukage robes?)
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Hinami is half convinced her big sister cheated on her husband with a Nara, because how the fuck else would you explain Shiori's everything? Hinami is damn sure she's seen sloths less lazy than her niece. Shiori is also way fucking smarter than she should be. She hadn't really believed Kushina, when she first told her, but Hinami is mature enough to admit her daughter was right. It shows in subtle ways before she starts talking, and then becomes real fucking blatant when the kid starts talking to Kushina in full sentences.
And Hinami, who took seminars with the Yamanaka mind healers while Arashi talked business with Old Man Sarutobi and Nanami-nee went to visit Auntie Mito, is kinda fucking concerned about how much Shiori's laziness looks like clinical depression. She wonders if maybe it isn't such a good thing that the kid is so smart, because all that innocence she should have had never stood a chance against that brain of hers.
(She sees the seal Shiori is drawing, and wants to write it off as nonsense, but she sees symbols for 'death' and nearly perfect balances for sacrifice, and Hinami snatches the paper from her neice's tiny hands with her lungs in her throat.
Shiori looks at her, sharp and exhausted in a way Hinami knows uncomfortably well.
"Think of Kushina," Hinami says, because her daughter and seals seem like the only two things that Shiori really cares about. "Think about what losing you would do to her."
Shiori blinks, looking dumbly at the half-finished seal in Hinami's hand, then smiles.
"Don't worry, Auntie. It's just for emergencies." It's the first words she's ever said to her.
Hinami doesn't ask what emergencies. She gets the feeling she wouldn't like the answer.)
Hinami really needs to ask her sister if she slept with a Nara. Maybe then she can call them for reinforcements. And child support. And to bully a Yamanaka into helping Shiori.
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Nanami has always been a crybaby. Everything she feels falls from her eyes like a torrential downpour, whether it's happy or sad or angry. It's been that way ever since she was born; she gets so filled with emotion that it has nowhere to go but out.
Shiori cries. She's a baby, so no surprise there, right? Babies are supposed to cry.
But Shiori doesn't let out loud, wailing sobs to ask for milk or diaper changes. She doesn't cry to be held. No, Nanami's baby girl cries like she doesn't want anyone to notice. She cries with her lips pressed into a thin line and palms pressed in her eyes to try and stop it. She cries the way Nanami learned to when she was in the Academy and everyone said that a good shinobi doesn't show the enemy their emotions.
(Nanami didn't understand that rule, at first. Everyone shows their emotions so loudly, chakra flaring in joy or pain or irritation, so why can't Nanami? It wasn't fair.
That was how they learned that Nanami is a sensor, one of the best, which means everyone's emotions are hers too. She knows that Hinami panics easily, for all her cool exterior suggests otherwise. She knows that Arashi is a calm, calculated predator under the easy going charm. She knows that Kenshi means it every time he says he loves her.
She knows Mom's chakra corruption is getting worse by the day, for all that she tries to appear strong for them.
She knows Dad means it when he suggests they drown Shiori.)
Nanami knows why her daughter cries. She knows the grief her little girl is drowning in. She knows the apathy that swallows her when the grief is too much. She knows the exhaustion that goes beyond anything physical or mental, permeating into everything she is and will be.
The only thing she doesn't know is why.
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Kenshi likes to think he's grown beyond blaming himself when a patient is too far gone. He's a good enough medic that he doesn't lose people to dumb mistakes like he had as a kid, he's a calm enough head that he doesn't crack under pressure like some of his coworkers, he's a rational enough man to know that he can't save everyone.
But this is different.
This is his daughter.
(And he had felt this before, the night she came into the world, silent as the grave she would have filled. He had felt it as he frantically pushed his chakra into her system and used the fact that he was raised in Suna for his benefit for the first time in his life. He puppetted his daughter's circulatory system into functionality until her heart was beating by itself and she took her first breaths.)
Kenshi should have been able to prevent this. He should have known that his little Shi-chan wasn't healthy, beyond the obvious. He should have done more to help.
Shiori hisses like a snake when she's in pain, and Kenshi hates that he knows this.
Shiori grabs at her shins and hisses when it rains, and Kenshi hates that he can't fix this.
Shiori still keeps crawling and moving, and Kenshi is so fucking proud of his kid that he can't breathe, but knows that this wouldn't be so much of a hurdle for her if he had been better.
(Kenshi isn't one to wallow in self-pity; hasn't been since he was a kid in the field with good chakra control and his sensei to walk him through closing the ugly gash in her stomach.
Kenshi is a good enough medic to know he can't do shit to help his kid.
Kenshi takes a shot of the Good Shit, and writes a letter to someone who can.)
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A/N: As always, leave a review. They make me happy.
