Chapter 178
"So, Paris, how's the new job?" Lane asked a little while later. The girls were sitting at a very trendy Italian place that was, quite literally, underground. They were splitting some arancini and bruschetta to start with, and a couple of bottles of wine were already going around. Paris had been delighted when the waiter had brought her over some sort of special ginger-beer mocktail, which she was relishing alongside them.
"It's incredible," Paris gushed. Rory raised an eyebrow. She couldn't remember the last time she'd heard Paris gush. Had she ever heard Paris gush?
"Aren't you teaching at a college?" Jane asked politely. Paris gave her a small smile. Rory assumed only she could see that it was forced, but turned to find Hannah making meaningful eye contact with her.
"I am," Paris said proudly, "I'm now lecturing at Barnard University. This semester I'm just guest lecturing for a few classes, given that I'll be on maternity leave by summer, but next year I'll be full time."
"And what did you do before that?"
"I was a surgeon."
"Wow, that seems really intense," Jane frowned, "I'm a nurse and I already find it exhausting."
"Well, being a nurse is exhausting," Paris reassured her, "And yeah, so was being a surgeon. But I enjoyed the intensity. I just wanted to direct it towards something else."
"Tell us about Barnard," Hannah cut in, "I only know a little. I ruled out women's colleges basically right away."
"I think a lot of people do," Paris said, reflecting, "I know I did. I saw them as backups if I didn't get into the 'real' Ivies. A lot of that was what my parents taught me."
Rory nodded. "I mean, I only know about Barnard because of its affiliation with Columbia."
"Which is really sad. Not to blame you," Paris said quickly, and Rory nodded, "It's just…it's one of the best schools in the country, and it gets swept under the rug because it's all women. When in reality, all-womens' institutions provide a sanctuary from the external misogynistic forces that really encroach upon learning and personal growth, particularly at the vulnerable point of being a young adult just becoming independent."
"…it's funny, I don't think I ever would have thought of all-girls schools of any kind as more liberating, and it kind of sounds like that's what you're saying," Lane said thoughtfully, looking at Paris. Paris nodded.
"All the stigma, everything…it was either sending you there because you were boy-crazy and you were being punished, or because you couldn't get into a 'real' co-ed school, and then either way you were poisoned into believing you'd end up a lesbian. Which is problematic in so many other ways, particularly how any exploration or understanding of one's own sexuality was demonized."
"…Paris, anything you want to tell us?"
"Not really," Paris shrugged, taking a sip of her mocktail, "My sexuality's never been a secret."
"…what?" Rory asked. Lane's eyebrow was raised, and she looked infinitely amused. Paris rolled her eyes.
"My sexuality is fluid. I like women and men. I gravitate towards men, but I'm sometimes drawn to women."
Rory looked at her, for a moment in surprise, and after another, nodded. "Yeah, I can see that."
"And you didn't even go to an all-girls school," Lane joked. Paris smirked.
"Nope. My point exactly. Nothing's going to change your sexuality- not wearing a certain thing or going to a certain school or living in a certain city. And if people are so afraid to look closely at it, or be in an environment where it's safe to, that's a whole other conversation. But no, going to Barnard won't make you a lesbian. Not even Smith could do that." Rory cracked a smile at that.
"So…why Barnard?" Hannah ventured, "How did you get past all of those…barriers, so to speak?"
"…well, they had an open position," Paris admitted, "And New York was going to work well for both of us. But I wasn't sold until I went for the interview. And of course, I'd visited Columbia when I was younger, but never bothered with Barnard. It's…it's really something. There's this energy on the campus of so much motivation and determination. It has something about it that makes me have faith in people, which to be honest, isn't really my go-to. It really felt like the best and the brightest, and a place that's been made safe for them to go to grow, and become. I want to be a part of making people smarter and better and more successful."
"Well, being a surgeon helps people live," Jane pointed out. Paris nodded, though this time it was harder to mistake her expression of irritability. She sighed.
"Yes, there are a number of careers where I could have helped people, in a number of ways. But this felt right. It just felt like my skills would be put to good use here. I can't wait to show you guys around…if you still want to see?"
"Absolutely," Lane said, the other girls nodding along with her.
"Great!" Paris smiled, "You should tell the guys how great it is, so I can get them to come talk to my class about the independent press."
Rory smirked. "How did I know this was all part of some Paris master plan?"
"…it's not," Paris said, a little defensively, as her cheeks turned pink. Rory looked at her.
"I'm just kidding, Paris," she reassured. Paris smiled, exhaling.
"It's just…I really don't have the depth," she admitted, "And I want to give them the best possible experience. Plus, the traditional big publishing industry is a complete and total wreck. Not only a perfect example of multiple abuses of power and conflicts of interest all left unchecked, but also being so woefully oversaturated and underfunded that nobody's work is getting the care or consideration it deserves. Well, other than celebrity memoirs and political evangelists," Paris rolled her eyes.
Rory nodded. "Yeah, it's pretty terrible. I get why you'd want to expose them to other options."
"I mean, and beyond that…these women are hugely talented. If more great talents start relying on independent presses, it could change the structure of the industry."
"That's a large scale thought," Hannah said. Paris nodded.
"I kind of have a tendency towards those," she admitted.
Hannah smiled. "That suits you."
"Thanks."
Rory smiled to herself. This is exactly what she'd been hoping would happen for Paris with this trip- that she'd be able to really bond with the other women and develop some real friendships. Rory remembered how jealous she'd felt about Paris' connection with Lorelai, even her moments of closeness with Lane, and her hitting it off with everyone in Philadelphia off the bat. She wasn't used to sharing Paris. But now, it was clearer than ever to Rory that to share Paris meant to have a life in which Paris could be even more a part of it, that Paris would have a fuller, richer life, and that Paris' blossoming would only serve to help their friendship grow and flourish.
Lane, however, was a different story. Rory was relieved that she seemed distracted, relaxed, and to be having a good time. But Rory hadn't heard a word from her since the incident with Zack, more than to confirm the trip and the couple words they'd exchanged since Rory had arrived. Rory had no idea what was going on with Lane at home, and it did not seem like Lane wanted to discuss it. She seemed relieved to go along with the flow and sort of just meld into the group, which was a little unlike her. Normally Lane was more outgoing, more opinionated. This wasn't a dramatic departure or anything- Rory doubted she would have even noticed if she hadn't known Lane for most of their lives. This was just a subtle shift into "Let's talk about you, not me. Let's avoid the topic of me." Rory had seen Lane default back into that space once or twice when things were rough, and she wasn't judging it. She just didn't know how she could be there for Lane if Lane wasn't talking to her about what was going on. At that moment, while Rory was lost in thought, Lane turned to her. She squeezed her hand under the table.
"Snap out of it," Lane said under her breath, meeting Rory's eyes and looking at her firmly. "Whatever it is. This is a weekend away, got it? No overthinking."
And that tiny statement made clear to Rory exactly what Lane needed, and exactly how Rory could best support her right now. Lane didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to meld, be distracted, relax, escape. So that's what Rory was going to make sure she had. Rory nodded, smiled, and squeezed Lane's hand back, before grabbing the wine bottle and pouring them each another glass.
Hannah looked over at them curiously. "What are you guys whispering about over there?"
"Small town gossip," Rory said dismissively. Hannah narrowed her eyes, but didn't push it. Paris looked at Hannah and grinned.
"Don't worry, that's just how they are. You'll get used to it," she said casually, refilling Hannah's wineglass and handing it back to her. Hannah laughed, clinking her glass against Paris'. Lane and Rory looked at each other and smiled. If only Hannah had been around when they'd first experienced Founder's Day punch together several years ago.
