DEAD/ALIVE - Chapter Twenty Eight

Heyes held the whiskey in his left hand, while his injured right hand lay on the arm of the chair. He didn't look up when Soapy came into the den, instead he watched the alcohol slowly swirl in his glass as he rotated the glass in his good hand. Heyes heard the clink of glass on glass, before Soapy took a seat across from him. He finally looked up. He had never seen Soapy look like this. The always impeccably dressed man with a glint in his eye was broken. He was disheveled and dirty, but seemed not to notice or care.

He took a deep drink before he finally found his voice and managed to ask, "Who were they?"

Heyes drew in a deep breath before he expelled it, "Leader is…or was..a man named Dority. He is from Deadwood."

"Why?"

"He was after Kid and–."

Soapy impatiently asked again, "Why?"

Heyes set his drink down hard as his eyes blazed with anger, then softened with sorrow.

"Because I underestimated him. Because I should have known better."

"We…" Kid said as he walked into the room, "We should have known better." His voice was hard and full of anger. He poured himself a drink and downed it, before pouring himself another one.

"This is going to end."

Heyes met Soapy's eyes. Neither man had missed a coldness that they had never seen in him before.

Heyes finished his drink and struggled to his feet. He crossed to Kid who clutched a third drink in his hand. He laid his uninjured hand on his partner's shoulder.

"I'll sit with her. You need to go take care of yourself." Heyes squeezed the Kid's shoulder with a show of affection.

Kid started to open his mouth to protest, but closed it when he saw the concern on Heyes' face. Kid gave Heyes a quick nod.

"Doctor left some bandages for your wrists…thinking you might change your mind. Go get cleaned up," Heyes said over his shoulder as he headed upstairs to Joanie's room

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After stoking the fire, Heyes settled in the chair beside the bed and watched Joanie sleep. She was turned towards him, laying on her side with her knees drawn up. Her hair lay spread across the pillows, with a few strands across her face. He was tempted to push them away but was afraid he would wake her. Heyes reached a hand out and turned the lamp lower.

Was it to help her sleep better?

Or the shared guilt he felt with Kid?

The darkened room helped conceal the damage to her face. The split lip. The eyes that would be black by the end of the day.

Heyes heard her groan as her face, screwed up in pain. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Thaddeus" She choked out, as she pulled a hand out from under the covers, reaching for him.

"It's Joshua, Sweetheart." Heyes said softly. He leaned forward and gently took her hand. "Thaddeus will be back. He wouldn't leave you."

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Joanie looked at her naked body in the mirror. It had been a week and a half since the attack and her bruises had gone from blue, purple and black to yellow and green. U shaped contusions and lacerations separated by open spaces marked her breasts from savage bites. She closed her eyes, opening them when she felt someone watching. She quickly grabbed her nightgown and tried to cover his nakedness, before turning.

Thaddeus.

Their eyes met briefing, before he dropped his head and was gone.

At night when they laid side by side, Kid's hands were quiet. She was the one that had to initiate any kind of physical contact.

A simple hug or kiss.

She felt so alone.

She knew she was losing him.

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There was a timid knock on Heyes bedroom door. Heyes was stretched out with his head propped on several pillows. The oil lamp was turned low with a book balanced in his left hand resting on his chest. It had been a waste of time, as he read and reread the same paragraph multiple times. Not even Twain could keep his attention.

Heyes stood up as Joanie entered the room. Her steps were still slow, and it was difficult for her to straighten fully. He hurried over and slipped his left hand under her arm, guiding her slowly to the edge of the bed, before taking a seat next to her. She gave him a grateful smile. Heyes looked towards the door expecting his partner to appear.

"He's not here."

Heyes looked surprised, "He's not? Where–," his look of surprise changed to alarm.

Joanie, seeing Heyes' concern, quickly added. "Don't worry, the men have strict instructions not to leave any of us alone." She looked at her hands in her lap, before she lifted her head and found Heyes' eyes. He knew what she wanted.

"I..I…" Heyes stammered, before admitting "He ain't talking to me either. If you come to ask …I can't help you."

Joanie seemed to crumble. Her bottom lip began to tremble, as she turned glistening eyes to Heyes. Heyes placed his left arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. She collapsed into his embrace and sobbed.

"Oh Sweetheart," he said, trying to comfort her. "Don't ever think he don't love you. I suspect he can't forgive himself…We share that guilt."

"But I don't blame him or you. I've told him that. I can tell he doesn't believe me. He is trying to punish himself. I'm not doing it. He is doing it to himself. He is in so much pain I don't know how to help him. He should blame me…I'm the one that insisted we walk...This pain is worse than being taken…I can heal from that, but losing Thaddeus…I'll never heal. Never."

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Exhausted and sore, Kid slowly pulled himself from the chair beside Joanie's bed where she lay sleeping. Making his way to the door, he slipped quietly out of the room and down the stairs to the the room, Kid could see only the back of his partner's head as Heyes sat on the sofa, trying unsuccessfully to focus on a book he had pulled from the shelf.

"Heyes," Kid said with a weary voice.

Heyes turned his head and watched Kid cross the room and sink into an overstuffed chair. "How is she doing today?" he asked.

"Better. She's sleeping."

"And you?"

Kid played absently with one of the bandages covering his wrists. "Ain't no sleep in me."

"That's not what I meant."

Kid's fingers fell still, but his eyes remained focused on the bandage. "I'm gonna kill him," he said, his voice void of emotion.

Heyes raised his eyes to the ceiling and he sighed heavily. "He deserves it," Heyes admitted, then let his eyes come to rest on his partner. "But is that gonna help Joanie?"

Kid's chin began to quiver and he again picked at the bandage. "I gotta walk away," he said, his voice cracking as he spoke.

"That's your solution!" Heyes looked shocked. "She's as broken as you are Kid, maybe more. Walking away ain't gonna help her!"

The quiver in Kid's chin grew more intense and he could not bring himself to look at Heyes. "Staying almost got her killed, Heyes. My mind's made up."

Heyes realized this was not the time to argue or try to dissuade Kid. "So what now?" he asked.

Kid took a jagged breath and bit down on the corner of his lower lip. "I'll tell her the day after tomorrow, when the first train leaves for Denver. Then we head for Deadwood."

Heyes snapped his book shut and set it down beside him. He looked at Kid whose head was down, still unable to bring himself to make any eye contact. Heyes stood up, taking several steps towards the door before he stopped and slowly walked over to Kid and placed his hand on Kid's shoulder before turning and walking out of the room.

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Joanie was too afraid to ask what was bothering Kid, so she said nothing. She snuggled closer and was met with coldness.

"I…" Kid closed his eyes, as he struggled to find the strength to say the words out loud. "I can't stay, I promised you something I can't keep. It was never my intention."

"Ssh…" Joanie said quickly. She wanted to tell him to stop talking. She couldn't bear to hear the words she knew were coming. She hadn't missed the packed saddlebags slung over the chair

It broke Joanie's heart to see the pain on Kid's face as he tried to push the words from his mouth. "I…I…" He finally gave up, his eyes pleading for her to grant him forgiveness.

With tears rolling down her face, she placed an open hand on his chest across his heart. She could feel his heart beating hard under her fingertips.

"Please" she begged. "Please stay here. He will not only kill you but Joshua too. I've seen first hand what that man is capable of doing. He isn't human. He is the purest of evil. You can't win, because you can't think like him. And if you try…" Joanie swallowed hard, "...and if by the grace of God you survive, you will go down a path with no hope of coming back whole. It will change you. You will never be the same," Joanie said in a hoarse whisper. "Please."

Kid raised his hand and took her hand in his, "I have too. Don't you see I don't have a choice."

"But you do have a choice!"

Kid was shaking his head, "No…Not if I want to make sure you are safe. And if that means not ever seeing you…" Kid stopped, as he couldn't finish the sentence. "I'm sorry Joanie."

He dropped her hand as he got out of bed, quickly grabbing his clothes. Without looking at her he dressed and slipped his Sherpa on and reached for his saddlebags, throwing them over his left shoulder.

"Stop," Joanie begged, "Please stop."

He paused with his hand on the door, dropped his head and sighed before he turned the handle and without a backward glance walked through it and disappeared.

Kid stood outside the closed door, fighting every urge to turn around and go back inside the room. He would gather her in his arms…And then what? She had escaped all this darkness before, only to have him lead it straight back to her.

Joanie heard him stop outside the door. She waited, holding her breath,…hoping…praying….the door would open and he would come back to her. She heard his steps walk down the hallway and fade.

Joanie collapsed sobbing with loss and heartbreak. She knew deep in her heart she would never see him again.

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Heyes was waiting with Soapy at the bottom of the stairs. They both looked up in unison as they heard Kid's quick angry steps start down the stairs.

Heyes' met Soapy's eyes.

"Go to her", Heyes urgently whispered.

Kid was staring straight ahead, his teeth clenched as he passed Heyes "Let's go" he snapped.

Soapy looked worried, he quickly grabbed Heyes by the arm, stopping him before he could follow Kid out the door. " You boys take care. Take care." He squeezed it with affection. Heyes' swallowed and nodded. "Thanks Soapy" and followed quickly after Kid.

Soapy found Joanie crumpled on the floor, crying so hard she could barely catch her breath between choking sobs.

Soapy tried to help her to the bed, but she refused to get off the floor. He knelt and gathered her in his arms.

"Is…Is he gone?"

Soapy could only nod.

"You have to stop him! Please!" She pleaded. "He will kill them! Please!"

"I can't."

Joanie cried so hard that her body went limp from exhaustion and pain.

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Kid sat staring out the window of the train, his reflection in the glass sending a chill down Heyes' spine. He waited over an hour, but Kid's expression never changed, his eyes seldom blinked, but the muscles in his cheeks contracted and twitched. Heyes knew he had to pull his partner out of the dark abyss.

"We need a plan," Heyes said as the train began to slow for a water stop.

"Got one," Kid replied, his voice cold and determined.

"Killing Swearengen is the result of a plan, not the plan itself," Heyes said quietly as his eyes scanned the nearby seats to be sure no one was paying them any attention.

Not until the train had come to a complete stop did Kid turn away from the window to look at his partner. Heyes saw something in Kid's eyes he had never seen before. He couldn't put a name to it, but it caused the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end.

"Feed him to the pigs. How's that for a plan,"

"Well," Heyes said hesitantly, feeling a hint of relief that his partner was at least speaking. "That's one way of doing it, likely cause a bit of attention, though."

"I want him to feel every second of his death, Heyes. And I want it slow and painful."

"I know but... maybe a back up plan, then."

With eyes locked, Heyes saw whatever it was in Kid's eyes that had startled him, and began to recede. "It hurts, Heyes," Kid said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Heyes nodded but he had no words to ease the pain. "We've got a couple of days before we reach Denver to pick up the horses."

"Pick up the horses…only. Heyes I can't handle seeing Clem."

Heyes nodded in agreement, knowing they were not up for Clem's thousand well meaning questions.

"Feeling the way you do, I want you to give some serious thought to what I'm about to ask you... Is Joanie's pain gonna get any better if you get yourself killed, or sent to prison for murder? Ain't she hurting enough already? Ain't the both of you hurting enough already?"

Kid offered no response and Heyes wasn't even sure Kid had listened. As the train began to move, Kid simply turned his head and once again gazed out the window.

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