Summary: "Liv, it's Eli. Something's going on with Dad. I'm on my way to a pep rally now, but please, Liv, call me."
(Eli calls Liv out of fear for Elliot, includes the voicemail in OC s2e4 "For a Few Leke More" and the "Come Home" scene OCs2e5 The Good, the Bad, and the Lovely)
Characters: Eli, Elliot and Bernie Stabler; Olivia Benson; original characters
A/N: I can't tell you how much I wish OC had dates in their episodes. LOL So for where this fits in the timeline this starts after the Navarro case in SVU s23e3 "I Thought You Were on My Side" (September 29) and drugged out Elliot in OCS2e2 coming to her place and through the rescue of Rita in OCs2e5 which is after Oct 13 when Liv tells them about the shipment of girls coming in SVU s23e5 "Fast Times TheWheelhouse".
Previous story references:
Liv and Sarah's meeting after Liv reads the letter in Ch/Part 2: Mothering the Mother.
As explained in ch/part 1: A Sliver of LIght in the Darkness, the boys call Sarah "Mama K" because she used her stripper name "Kristal" when they first met.
Eli's concerns about El during discussion of Bernie coming to live with them in last story "The Cat Lady Cometh"
After texting Brett about his imminent departure, Eli paused mid-step in surprise at seeing his father staring out onto the patio with his legs spread out and his hands in his jeans pockets. The fact that the normally prescient man didn't even notice his approach was a sure indication of how deeply lost in thought his dad was, his gaze locked on the outdoors as if something there would provide answers to the questions plaguing him.
"Dad?" Eli questioned, drawing his father's troubled gaze as the man turned to return the greeting in a soft, gentle voice.
The following conversation struck Eli as surreal, and he knew that he should be thrilled that his dad was actually showing an interest in his life for the first time since his mom had died. But instead he felt as if he was in an alternate universe in which his father wasn't the asshole he'd been since they'd come back…that he wasn't "hiding" undercover as he'd heard his grandmother once say…that despite the beard and the wardrobe, he was once again the loving, thoughtful man who had raised him. Yet, for some reason, perhaps due to the months of benign neglect or the glimpses he'd seen of the violent pod person his father was pretending to be, all it did was cause his heart to race with the feeling that something was wrong.
He strived for nonchalance when issuing the invite to his soccer game, but the knot of dread deep in his gut only tightened when his father swallowed hard before replying in a suddenly husky voice, "I'll do everything I can. Everything".
The thing that tipped Eli over the edge into full blown panic was the tightness of the long hug his father pulled him into and the words "I'm proud of you" and "You're a good son". Sure, he blew it off with "thanks", but inside, he was trembling with fear because his dad never said compliments out loud, preferring to let his actions speak for him.
As Eli ran out the door, he happened to glance up to see his father's eyes glisten with unshed tears as he watched him leave. Closing the door behind him, Eli tried to move but found himself a bit shaky. Leaning against a nearby wall, he closed his eyes tightly and took deep breaths in an attempt to quell the anxiety that had begun to claw at him.
A text arrived on his phone, pulling him out of spiraling thoughts and spurring him to try to move once again. As he did so, he heard his father's soft voice float over the patio's brick wall as he , through fits and spurts, said, "Hey, Liv." The raw emotion in his father's voice made Eli stop in his tracks. He knew he should feel guilty about overhearing what he was sure was supposed to be a private conversation, but he just couldn't help himself listen to what appeared to be a voicemail, "Wish I was there. I'm just calling to say…I want to thank you for everything you've done for me…for the kids. You've been my rock, and when I said that I love you, I think you know…"
Eli wasn't sure what had caused his dad to stop…perhaps the message was too long or something. The overwhelming worry within him about his dad overshadowed any conflicted feelings he might have had about hearing his dad say "love" to another woman…let alone one for which Eli was realizing brings out a certain tone of voice and light to his father's demeanor. Instead, hearing her name brought to mind her role in getting his dad to admit to the PTSD and the man's panicked reaction to hearing her accident.
Maybe she's the answer, he wondered, feeling slightly guilty for leaning on her again. His mind flashed to the feel of that hug, his shimmering blue eyes, and hearing the husky note in his dad's voice, and he knew he just had to do something. Pulling out his phone as he continued on his way, he took a breath and bit the bullet by pulling up Liv's name and calling it. Like his father before him, he received a prompt to leave a voicemail, so Eli frantically pleaded, "Liv, it's Eli. Something's going on with Dad. I'm on my way to a pep rally now, but please, Liv, call me."
The next day, Eli pulled open the door to the diner he knew like the back of his hand by now. Its familiarity soothed something inside of him, making him glad that he'd asked for Liv to meet him here for this conversation. He felt relief that she'd returned his call so promptly, but he really shouldn't have been so surprised because there was no doubt that she'd do anything for any of the Stabler children. Thank God she could meet today, he thought, I'm not sure I could've waited much longer.
"Hey, Wally, the boys are at the Corner," Mama K pronounced as she moved to the table.
Eli nodded distractedly, eyes frantically searching for a familiar profile. "Umm…meeting someone else here today." When he didn't spot her, he turned to see Mama K standing there with a confused look on her face. "Maybe you've seen her? She's got long, dark hair, brown eyes, about this tall." He indicated Liv's height with his hand. "Might be wearing a badge."
She shook her head. "Only regulars so far. I'll keep an eye out for her and send her back to the Crew table."
Eli let out a breath and nodded. "Okay. Thanks."
As he took a step in the direction, Mama K asked, "You want your usual?"
The butterflies flitting in his stomach over the impending meeting made the very thought of eating anything unthinkable. Swallowing down the nausea that had arisen, he shook his head and gave her a small smile. "Just the pop for now I think."
Giving him a concerned look, she nodded as he headed off towards the Crew's table in the back corner. Sliding into the booth, he sank down onto the cushioned seat and closed his eyes to take a few deep breaths to try to quell the nervousness and fear that consumed him. Shit, what if she canceled? His eyes snapped open at the thought, as he hurriedly checked his phone to find no missed text or call from her. Letting out a relieved breath, he placed his phone on the table just in case this dreaded scenario happened. His knee began to bounce and his fingers tapped on the table as he glanced around to find, much to his relief, that as usual, Mama K had ensured the other tables around were blessedly empty.
An unmistakable svelte figure wearing a brown leather jacket and dark pants passed in front of the window, and the nerves that he'd almost managed to get under control began to run rampant once again. The tapping and bouncing became worse as his heart picked up. You can do this, he told himself, Just keep your cool.
"O-Olivia," he heard Mama K say in surprise. Wait, how do they know each other? Eli couldn't help but wonder, as shock knocked him out of his spiral of paralyzing anxiety. It seemed to be a strange coincidence since he'd never seen Liv here nor had she seemed to recognize the name or address when she'd agreed to meet here. The only reason he could think for the two women to know each other was through Liv's work, and the very idea made his heart sink, adding extra tension to his already knotted stomach.
"Sarah," Eli caught Liv's voice greet with equal amazement, "I forgot you work here."
Okay, maybe it's not that, Eli thought hopefully, as he listened to the women chat for a moment.
"Did you ever get the answers about that letter you wanted?" Mama K asked in a gentle tone.
"Unfortunately," Liv replied, a hint of confusion and pain in her voice.
Letter? What letter? Eli wondered before a memory floated to his mind of a tense confrontation between his parents after his father had just returned from a work trip. His dad had explained in a sad, weary tone that he'd been trying to write a letter but just couldn't find the right words. Eli remembered his mother's blue eyes flashing with irate, determined fire before she'd offered to help. His father's head had sunk, and his shoulders had slumped before he'd pulled out a piece of paper.
Looking back, Eli came to realize that this was a conversation that had been coming up for awhile, and his dad just didn't have the energy at that moment to fight anymore. In hindsight, Eli was struck by the triumph he remembered seeing enter his mother's eyes when his dad quietly, reluctantly agreed. He recalled his mother sitting in a chair, looking all prim and proper before spouting out hurtful statements like "what we were to each other was never real" and "we got in the way of each other being who and where we needed to be". These were then followed by wishing the recipient the hope that they'd found "the kind, faithful, devoted man that you deserve", as if those empty words would negate the devastation of the ones before.
No. That couldn't possibly be it, could it? Eli thought in a panic, his stomach sinking at the idea that his father might have given Liv this letter. Fuck! If he did, there's no way she'd be willing to help. The anxious energy began to pick up again, the bouncing getting worse. What am I gonna do if he did give it to her? Who else can help? Jet? No, she might work with him, but they're not close enough to make a difference. His boss? Probably not. Shit. Shit Shit.
Lost in thought, he didn't hear Liv's approach or hear her say, "Eli, are you okay?"
At the sound of her gentle, husky voice, Eli's eyes shot up to meet the eyes of two very concerned women staring at him. Picking up the water now on the table in front of him, he wet his suddenly dry mouth before saying in what he hoped was a reassuring tone, "I'm good."
The resulting glance between the women made him think that maybe he hadn't quite pulled it off, so after another drink of water, he nodded and said in a slightly stronger voice, "I'm good. I promise."
"Okay," Mama K said, doubt heavy in her voice as she put down Eli's regular pop order, "I'll be right back with more water and your coffee, Olivia."
The other woman nodded, her dark eyes focused upon Eli's face. Feeling the heavy gaze, he looked down, as his fingers resumed their tapping on the table. His mind grappled to figure out where to start, especially now that he knew she may not be as open to helping as he'd hoped.
A warm hand engulfed his, effectively stopping its tapping. "Eli, what's going on?" Liv asked gently, pulling his gaze to her face. His brown eyes locked onto her gentle brown ones, the worry there calming some of the anxiety that had been racing through him.
"I'm living with Dad and Grandma in our new place in Long Island City," he blurted out, not at all sure why his brain thought this was relevant to this conversation.
Her brow furrowed in confusion, but before she could say anything, Mama K placed a glass of water and a cup of coffee in front of her. Eli watched as his water was refilled before they both shot her grateful smiles with whispers of thanks.
"Let me know if you guys need anything else," she said with an understanding smile before walking off.
"So you're living together," Liv said, as she took a sip of her coffee, "how's that going?"
Eli shrugged, eyes watching as he slid his pop between his two hands. "It's been an adjustment for all of us, especially with Dad only coming by every few days." He tried his best to keep the dark burn of resentment from coloring his voice and rolled his eyes. "Grandma keeps trying to make our place a home rather than a warehouse, but all I see are lots of plants. It's almost like living in a jungle."
Liv chuckled. "How is Bernie?"
He shot her a surprised look. "You know her?"
She shrugged and answered cryptically, "I met her once when your dad and I were partners."
"Right," Eli muttered with a wince, "Sorry. Sometimes I forget you've known us for so long."
She gave him a gentle, understanding smile. "It's okay, Eli. You were really young when you left."
Feeling marginally better, Eli spun the glass filled with pop around, watching the pattern its rings left on the tabletop. "Grandma got into some trouble cuz she went off her meds. Was a huge mess cuz Dad's boss got involved, pulling him from wherever he was. So we, Leen, Dad and I, decided to have her come live with us for a while." He took a deep breath and found that maybe he could start there. "That was the first time I saw it happen."
Liv gave him an uneasy look. "What?"
Eli leaned forward and said, "My dad morph into whoever he's supposed to be pretending to be."
She sucked in a breath, and he saw her eyes become filled with a level of uneasiness that fed into his own. "What do you mean?"
Taking a sip of his drink, he tried to explain the best he could, "There was a dark presence that entered his eyes, and an edge of violence surrounded him. It was only for a second, but it scared me."
She looked down at her coffee for a moment. "Is that why you asked to meet?"
Eli shook his head. "Not just that." He shifted nervously, wondering if she was going to think him crazy. "It... uh ... wasn't the first time something was off with him."
Her eyes came up to meet his, and she raised her cup to her lips. "You better tell me everything."
Taking a deep breath, he started laying out all of his misgivings. "Okay, so my dad, he's always been really good at remembering the names and faces of my friends, prob'ly from being on the job, right?" He mused, seeing agreement in her eyes, "Anyway, a few weeks ago, he came by my school and didn't remember meeting my friend, Brett Feeney. Thing is…he'd met him twice before." He blew out a breath. "That's never happened before."
Liv hummed in acknowledgement, her eyes urging him to continue.
"Yesterday, he hugged me, told me he was proud of me and what a good son I was," he said, a lost note in his voice. "When I say it out loud, I know… I know how stupid it sounds," he huffed in annoyance as he ran a hand through his hair. "But, Liv, you, of all people, know he doesn't just say things like that. It was almost like…like…like he was saying goodbye." Casting his mind back, he recalled, "And when I walked out the door, I looked back, and it was like he was taking a mental picture of me or something."
"Shit, I knew I should've picked up yesterday," he heard her mutter quietly before taking another sip of her coffee, and it was then that Eli had the first indication that perhaps all the progress that he'd noticed in their relationship after Fin's wedding may have been wiped out by his father's stupidity. Shit. Why'd he have to give her that fucking letter?! He railed mentally, a lump of sorrow lodging in his throat.
Pretending that he hadn't heard her, he flopped back against the back of the booth with an annoyed sigh. "He came home so I guess nothing happened. So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just being an idiot."
Liv shook her head and said softly, "I don't think so, Eli. In the last couple weeks or so, he's said some things and done some things that make me concerned, too."
"Really?" He asked in a small voice, "So I'm not imagining it?"
Her worried brown eyes looked at him as she shook her head slightly.
Eli's shoulders sagged in relief, as all the nervous tension released from his body. Biting his lip with uncertainty, he bravely asked, "Oh thank God. Is there anything you can do to help him?"
Her eyes stared past him as she sipped at her coffee, lost in thought. "Undercover is tricky. If I go to his boss, this could go into his jacket and could jeopardize the operation or even his career." Heaving a sigh, she continued, "And I can't contact him without blowing his cover."
Eli leaned forward again. "You can't, but I can. He gave me a number to text for emergencies."
With a regretful sigh, she shook her head. "No, don't do that. It could cause him to panic and lose focus because he thinks something happened to you or someone else in your family."
Shifting in his seat, Eli huffed out a frustrated breath at every roadblock she put in their path. "So what can we do?"
"Eli, I know it's infuriating," Liv soothed with a gentle touch of his hand, "But this needs to be done carefully for your dad's sake, okay?"
He looked down with tears in his eyes. "I-I-I just don't want to lose him, too, Liv," he finally managed to choke out.
She got out and slid in next to him to give him a side hug. "Our teams will be working together really soon, and I'll try to talk to him then, okay?"
Eli sniffled and nodded, a feeling of relief coming over him as he took comfort in her warm embrace.
It was a week or so later as he sat on the toilet seat cover, mentally debating whether or not to fulfill Brett's request for more pills for the party that he heard a knock at the door to their apartment. When his grandmother went to answer it, he heard Liv's voice say, "Hi, Bernie. I'm not sure if you remember me…" Relief swept through him at the realization that Liv was going to follow through with her promise of talking to his dad, releasing a ball of tension he hadn't realized that he'd still been carrying.
"Of course, I do, honey. You're Olivia, Elliot's partner," his grandmother stated warmly, "C'mon on in. Elliot's not here."
What else is new? Eli thought resentfully as he continued to sit there staring at the bottle in his hand. Guilt ate at him as he remembered his grandmother slipping into one of her episodes, all because he'd taken her last stash of pills. He'd tried not to be affected by it, but it'd been so hard when he'd known that he was to blame. And he lied to his dad, too! He groaned, knowing there would be hell to pay should his father ever find out.
"That's okay. I'll wait," he heard Liv say as he heard her begin to explore their apartment. His heart beat began to pick-up every time she came close to the bathroom door, as if she would somehow know he was in there thinking of stealing pills to sell…or maybe use. The lure of once again experiencing the calming influence he'd felt when he'd popped a couple at Brett's encouragement was so strong that he almost opened the bottle to take a few right then and there.
Before he could follow through, he heard the rumble of his father's voice call out "Mama" as his footsteps moved past the bathroom door. It's about time he came home, Eli thought darkly, but the banter between his dad and grandmother seemed to temper the resentment that had initially flared. Leaning his head back and closing his eyes, his mind recalled a few other times over the past week where he'd seen more signs of the father he'd known rather than the PTSD-ridden, absentee father with a violent man hiding inside of him.
For some reason, it was his father's cheesy, joking response to his grandmother's concern over a cut on his head that caused the now familiar blend of resentment and anxiety to burn away any guilt he might have felt at stealing the pills again. Eli knew that his father probably made light of it to lessen the elderly woman's concern, but all it did was remind him that his father seemed to treat his life so cavalierly…that he didn't seem to care that it was only by chance that he was so lightly injured…that he was playing a dangerous game of make believe that could kill him at any moment. On top of everything, he found himself resenting his normally outspoken grandmother for not calling his dad out on it.
"Fuck it. Why the fuck should I care? Fuck him for not remembering he's got a family to care for, including his fucking mother," he muttered as he opened the top of the pill bottle.
He paused when in answer to his father's deflecting jokes, he heard his grandmother say, "Yeah, well, your partner came to check on you."
"Hey, partner," his father greeted in a soft, warm tone. It seemed his father was in a good mood, almost like the man he knew growing up. Maybe he was on his way back already? Eli hoped as he let out an amused huff at Liv's reply of "Howdy" like they were in some bad Western movie.
The next thing he knew his grandmother all but hinted that Liv clean out the cut. The fact that his father only gave a token protest to the idea of it, indicated to Eli that perhaps this had been a common debate during their time as partners. It actually struck him that he couldn't remember his father allowing his mother to do the same, choosing instead to brush aside any of her attempts. This was just another indication of the connection…the bond between the two individuals in the other room.
The sound of Liv's footsteps shook him out of his thoughts and sparked panic. Shit. Shit. Shit. How the hell am I gonna explain this? His mind still whirring with indecision, he knew he had only seconds to decide. Just as he was about to scrap the whole thing, a voice entered his mind, urging him to remember the grief Brett and their friends would give him if he didn't bring the pills. Torn, he decided to simply continue and figure it out later. His hands began to shake as he poured out as many pills into the sealable bag he'd brought with him.
He looked up frantically as the door knob rattled, congratulating himself on remembering to lock it. Giving a shout to tell of his presence, Liv's apology barely registered in his frantic efforts to put back on the bottle cap before returning it back to the spot where he'd found it. Looking at himself in the mirror, he took a deep breath, shoved the bag of pills into his pocket, and opened the door to be softly greeted by a gentle smile and an "Eli, hey".
Giving her a distracted reply, he grabbed his backpack and hurried out the door. After closing it behind him, he let out a relieved breath. "Shit. That was close," he muttered as hurriedly moved away from their apartment, hoping he could get out of the area before anyone figured anything out.
Hearing the door open, he ducked behind a nearby dumpster just as he heard his father call his name. FUCK! The gig was up. There was no doubt about it. They'd be looking for him now. Thank God, he'd lied to his easily befuddled grandmother. There's no way they'll find me now, he thought confidently as he turned off his phone just after "Dad" flashed on the screen.
As he stepped to move away, he froze when Liv's voice floated through the air. "I agree with Bernie, Elliot. I want you to come home."
"I intend to," his father stated softly, their voices getting closer to his rather putrid hiding spot.
"Before it's too late." Eli could hear a hint of annoyance in her voice as it seemed like his father was still not getting the message.
"Liv," his dad started before Eli heard the gate groan open, "I'm being careful."
Eli huffed out a "yeah right" to that claim. It seemed all his father was focused upon was his physical safety, not getting that she was concerned about his emotional and mental health.
It was then that Liv brought out the verbal sledgehammer and hit the man over the head. "I mean, before Eddie Wagner takes over, and Elliot Stabler is nowhere to be found."
After making her point, Eli heard her move away from the gate, and his feet shuffled impatiently, as he waited for the familiar click of the gate as it closed. As the seconds passed, a slight ray of hope started to shine through his dark mood. Maybe she finally managed to get through to him. Maybe he'll finally see that we're at risk of losing him not physically, though God knows that could happen at any time, but mentally. His gratitude to her soon twisted into indignation that it seemed Liv and only Liv had the power to get his father to listen and realize that something was wrong…that he might be losing his way.
Anger began to build at the fact that this had to be pointed out to begin with. Weren't undercover cops trained to prevent this from happening? So why hadn't he felt it? Had he realized the anger and the violence was taking over and not cared? Had he realized his behavior was changing … that he was doing things he normally never would've done and simply shrugged it off as nothing? And where the hell was his boss in all of this? How could she LET him continue on this path of destruction? Didn't she see it? Was she so blind? And perhaps most of all he wanted to yell, Why did you run away from us? Why weren't we…wasn't I…enough to prevent this from happening?
Glaring at the apartment, he let out a silent yell before bolting to meet up with Brett. The whole thing was a fucking nightmare, and all he wanted was to forget that there was no one there to help him through it.
