Free Play 3

Ever since she had kiss Minako, Rei had felt uncertain. The morning after their kiss had been spent with everyone, getting some brunch, hanging out, and halfheartedly studying. Ami had suggested the studying, but after the loss Minako and Makoto had faced none of them were really into it. By the afternoon they decided to just hang out and talk, and everything was as it usually was. Even Minako. Especially Minako, who treated Rei the same as she always had through the end of the day, and then during school the next day, and into the following day of their shared gym class. And with each passing day Minako's unchanged attitude deepened Rei's uncertainties.

The previous week their teacher had entered end-of-the-year mode, meaning they were having free play periods until the last day. As they had the previous week the five girls grabbed a volleyball and took a corner of the gym for themselves. Rei wondered if Minako and Makoto would want to after their loss. But they played as they usually did. She kept an eye on Minako having fun and joking around with the others. Again, Minako was acting the same as she always did.

That was the sticking point for Rei. She felt like something should have changed, but nothing seemed to have. Minako kept up her teasing, her joking, her boisterous antics. Rei wondered what she even expected to be different, or even why she expected there to be a difference. It hadn't even been their first kiss, and Minako hadn't changed after their first. Still, something about the way Minako had hesitated right they had pulled apart left Rei frustrated.

What had the blonde wanted to say? What did she think of the fact that Rei had been the one to initiate their entire interaction that night? What had she wanted? What did she want from Rei now? Was Rei reading too much into the blonde's hesitance? Why couldn't Rei just let it go like Minako appeared to have done?

With the questions she had weighing on her mind class passed in a flash. When the teacher blew the whistle signaling the end of class Makoto returned the volleyball and they made their way to the locker room. While they were walking Minako tugged Rei's arm and slowed. They dropped behind the other three and Minako looked at her.

"Rei, I wanted to say something," she said quietly. She slowed further to separate more from the others.

A thrill shot through Rei. This was it. Her uncertainties and questions were about to be addressed. Suddenly she wasn't sure she was ready for that.

"I know you've been watching me the past couple days and I just wanted to say that I'm okay. Really."

Rei was stunned. She was okay? In what way? When she didn't respond Minako continued.

"I know you're concerned for me after the loss, and I'm not over it, but… I'm not bothered anymore."

Rei blinked. Minako had noticed Rei watching her, but luckily had thought it was out of concern for the other girl. Rei felt a little guilty- she had hoped that Minako was feeling better after her loss, but most of her concern had been over their kiss instead.

"Ah. I guess I didn't realize," Rei said. "Just wanted to keep an eye on you."

"Hey, I appreciate the attention, Rei-ko," Minako said with a smile. "But the support from you guys and my teammates has really been a big help, and I didn't want you to worry too much."

"Yeah."

"Okay?"

Rei blinked again. "Yeah, of course. Just, you know, wanted to make sure you were holding up okay."

"And I am," Minako said. She started walking faster. "Come on, let's catch up."

They sped up and entered the locker room and changed. The rest of the day was a blur for Rei. Of course Minako had noticed Rei's scrutiny, even when Rei herself hadn't been aware how close it had been. She realized that instead of Minako, she was the one whose behavior had changed. She was so conscious of Minako and what the other girl was doing that she hadn't realized how much she had been watching the other girl. The school day ended quickly and Rei said her goodbyes and headed home.

When she finally returned to the Shrine she changed into her miko clothes and set to work, sweeping the courtyard while her mind churned over the past few days. She had kissed the other girl and immediately became more conscious of her. She had expected the other girl to change. Or had she wanted her to? Minako had been so close to saying something; or had she? Rei groaned and stopped sweeping. At this point she was just going in circles. She needed answers, not the same questions. She found her grandfather and told him she was going to meditate in front of the fire.

In front of the fire Rei breathed deeply. After her conversation with Minako maybe she shouldn't question Minako's actions. She should reflect on her own.

Why had she kissed the other girl in the first place? The obvious answer was to make the other girl feel better, but why had she thought that kissing her would make her feel better? Was that something friends frequently did? She certainly didn't know anyone who kissed their friends to make them feel better. She couldn't imagine doing the same for Makoto, who had suffered the same loss as Minako.

And then there were her own expectations for Minako's response. If Minako had kept talking after their kiss, what would Rei have wanted to hear? It was a frightening question because of the implications of the answers.

She knew she wouldn't have wanted Minako to react negatively. If the other girl had stopped her, pushed her away… Rei would have been dismayed. So she knew she wanted a positive response from the other girl. But what? Minako had said that the kiss helped take her mind off of things. But considering her obsession, that clearly hadn't been enough for Rei. She had wanted something more.

The thought scared Rei. Something more than what Minako already was to her meant something more than friends. More than best friends even. Rei's breathing quickened, but she stayed on her line of thought. If she didn't tackle it now she never would.

She had wanted to kiss the other girl. She wanted to be there for her when she was feeling down, wanted the other girl to be there for her as well. What would she call those feelings if someone else expressed them? What would an average person call them? Only one thing came to mind. Love. And if it wasn't love it was at least heading in that direction.

Rei opened her eyes and her breath quickened. The closeness she felt towards the other girl, the attraction she felt while watching her play, the interactions she had that left her frustrated, happy, wanting more; everything came into sharper focus. Those recent actions made more sense when she looked at them through the lens of having romantic feelings for Minako. Those feelings drove her to ogle the other girl, to want to be around her, and to accept her teasing with teasing of her own. They drove her to seek Minako out when the other girl was down and they drove her to kiss the blonde.

The enormity of her revelation left Rei reeling. She had spent her entire life separated from others, closed off and content to watch from the sidelines. Minako had pushed into her life, and Rei had known- of course she had known, she had helped the other girl along with how she responded to her- but the strength of her feelings somehow still surprised her. It wasn't just physical attraction either.

Her feelings towards Minako weren't innocent exploration, weren't misguided or misplaced affection because of her own lifestyle. It wasn't a lack of other interests, it didn't come about because Minako was the first person to show interest in her. It was an active desire for the Minako because it was the Minako. She desired the feeling of being around Minako, the challenge that came with being around her. No one else made Rei feel like Minako could.

Rei breathed deeply, tried to even her breathing and steady her heartbeat. She blinked against the light of the fire. She liked Minako. Loved? It was hard to say, as she had never experienced anything like what she was feeling for Minako. Whichever word she chose, now that she acknowledged it, it wasn't going to go away. It was a feeling that answered all the questions she had asked herself, but raised one new one. What was she going to do now?