The Long Dark

VIII.

Decisions, Decisions


Like someone snapped their fingers, they were back in that bar on Terragrigia. Just two people with nothing to do but relax and enjoy each other. As if the world wasn't a landmine waiting for the wrong boot to press down on it.

Maybe that was how you lived your life - one second at a time, knowing the next might just be your last.

He murdered her at darts. He tossed and yawned; he made it look easy. They had people betting on them by halfway through their game. Jill considered, "You holding back?"

"Can you do that with darts?"

She laughed and missed the bullseye by less than an inch. "Hmm."

His mouth beside her ear taunted, "I bet I could hit your bullseye."

She gave him a cool look. "I think you're overconfident."

"Maybe. Won't know until you try me. They tell me I have perfect aim."

"Do they?" She let him range himself behind her and lift her hand.

He urged, "There. Just a little higher and to the left."

Jill turned her face toward his, and he murmured, "Toss it."

She tossed it without looking. Someone cheered. Still pressed against her back, he added, "See? Bullseye."

Jill glanced at his mouth and back at his eyes. Her voice was a little breathy and zipped into his blood like lightning. "...I think you're all talk."

Quietly, he returned, "...try me."

Softly, she decided, "Who do you think you're kidding here?"

His lips split on a grin. "The girl who likes dangerous things."

"And you're dangerous?"

To which he just answered, "...try me."

She wanted to. She might have once...what had changed here? She didn't care about that cocky son of a bitch in that bar back then. She didn't know him from the next handsome face. Now she did. Now she knew what he was - a guy with a big heart and more courage than anyone she'd ever met. A guy who said to leave him behind to save yourself, put the mission and the girl in his care first, over himself...over everything...and wasn't afraid to die protecting what mattered.

A guy who'd nearly died on the floor of a lab and again on the cold ground of a cave because he'd simply pushed too far, too fast, and too hard. If she let him in, how did it end?

With him dead and her mourning him.

She didn't want the risk. She didn't want the truth of it.

She wanted him...she just didn't want the pain of losing him.

Jill stepped away and laughed. "I think that's my cue to call it a night."

Curious, he tilted his head, "Running?"

"Nope...just...being cautious." She picked up her parka and headed for the door, "Enjoy your night, Mr. Kennedy."

He waited about ten seconds after she left and followed.

They'd told him to do what he wanted and relax. He was about to do what he wanted. He just needed to convince the thing he wanted to let go and join him. Here was hoping he came up with the magic words to get her to stop running.

The second she closed her door, Jill leaned on it and breathed. She blew out two hard breaths, steadied her pulse with a hand to her heart, and laughed.

What was it about him that flipped her switch so hard?

He was gorgeous, but lots of men were. He was selfless and brave, and dedicated. He was funny and charming, and kind. If there was a tally of what was fantastic about him - he was winning on sheer merit alone.

But it wasn't that simple - not anymore. And it hadn't been in a long time.

She popped into the shower to rinse off thoughts of him dancing around in a G-string.

She was in her underwear when there was a knock on the door.

"Hold on, please." She threw on a shirt over her panties. It dangled to her knees. Considering pants, she diverged from the door and slipped on sweatpants.

She opened the door to see Kennedy standing there. The gods were somewhere laughing at her. They wanted to punish her for thinking of him while she showered.

The hair was darker; the build was bigger. More muscle, less laughter. Where was that light he'd had when she'd found him by a fountain looking like a wet dream? He still smiled. He still flirted. But there was an edge that said he'd seen things since she'd last stood in his presence that haunted him. She leaned in the door frame, watching him.

"Mr. Kennedy. What brings you to my humble abode?"

"May I come in?"

"I don't know. I think if I do that, we might get confused about why we're here. I shouldn't have done it the first time, Leon. The look on your face says you're not even sure you should be asking."

How could she equate that flirty boy with this man? He was all controlled energy and power. He fairly radiated it. He impressed without trying. He was a stranger standing there. And she longed for him.

He didn't smile. He didn't flirt. He just demanded, "Let me in, Jill."

The shiver in her belly delighted her. She'd liked the flirty boy on the beach. This darker, hairier, edgier Leon made her blood quicken.

She wasn't sure yet what he was to her. The want was there, oh yeah, but the rest? He was a study in contradictions. He was in her, somewhere; she just didn't know what that meant.

He blew hot; he blew cold. He was full of feelings. He didn't hide them, really, not like Chris. He felt it and showed it, and let it roll. Leon Kennedy was a rollercoaster of laughter and drive and stifling need. He was in her, somewhere; she just didn't know if she wanted him there.

She'd brought him food and slept beside him. The kiss they'd shared in the night spoke for itself. It wasn't lightning, unlike they'd had the moment they met. It was gentle - almost unsure. She hadn't kissed a man in so long she'd forgotten how it felt.

She should let him in. Playing coy was stupid at this point, and they both knew it. But she wasn't playing. She was kind of afraid she was getting real feelings for a guy she barely knew. If she slept with him, it would take that flirting and make it something more.

She wasn't sure she wanted the "more." Right now, she could hold onto some semblance of professional boundaries. It was messy if he got her naked and made her want him beyond this baseline attraction they shared. She generally avoided mess for a reason.

Trying to keep the line in the sand even though she knew she'd fail, she answered, "I don't think today is the day you get to come inside."

Stupid thing to say. Stupid. She'd walked right into it. Chris would have turned it funny. She just knew Leon Kennedy would make it hot.

"Let me inside, and we'll both come."

Bingo.

Jill lifted her brows and grinned. That helped. Him breaking the tension with dirty talk? It helped her keep her head on straight. It pushed feelings further toward fucking. And fucking? That she could handle. "That was very dirty, Agent Kennedy. And not at all in line with the mission protocol."

"Fuck it. I don't always follow the mission protocol."

"I heard that. You're a bit of a loose cannon that way."

"You prefer guys who follow the rules, right? Like Redfield. Mr. Protocol. Doesn't play outside the rules. You know who follows the rules all the time? Guys with no balls."

What was in that tone? Oh, it felt like power to hear it. What was that? Jealousy? "Really? I heard those guys were the ones who take off into the sunset without saying goodbye."

"…ouch. And yet...I recall you didn't say it this morning either." But he was grinning.

"True. I'm as big of an asshole as you are, seemingly. Chris said goodbye, by the way."

"Yeah? Were you naked while he did it?"

Her head tilted, "Is that your business?"

He gave her a cocky smile. "Do you want it to be?"

Jill shook her head, "You don't want to get involved here, Leon."

"Yeah?" He pushed away from the wall and moved toward her. "So, tell me to fuck off. Say it, and I'll go."

Jill gave him a cool look, "I think you want me because you only chase women you can't really have. Go after a nice schoolteacher or something. Don't you want a nice simple girl who has your babies and fixes your dinners? Don't you want a nice normal girl?"

He was close now and smelled terrific. Something expensive and yummy. She thought about dragging him when he'd gone down and nearly given up. Her head was full of him too. And had been for months.

"I don't want some faceless girl, Jill, goddamnit...I just want you."

He was either clever as hell or a gloriously genius liar. Maybe both. And she was starting to wonder if it mattered.

It would have been ok. It really would have. But he closed the last few feet and was right in front of her.

He bracketed his arms on either side of the door frame while she leaned on the door. Any girl on earth could see what was happening there. He was very close to her now. She grappled at the handle to the door and kept her hands locked, her arms behind her back. She wouldn't touch him. It wouldn't help anything if she did.

"...you should fuck off." And her voice squeaked a little, delighting him and embarrassing her a little bit. He leaned down enough to scent her. She felt the brush of his nose on her nose. Good lord.

He was so very close. "Why?"

"We're on duty."

He glanced at her mouth and kept his eyes there, "Yeah. Story of my life."

"It's complicated, Leon. You know that."

"I know. Don't care. Do you?"

Jesus. He was put on this Earth to drive her to madness. It was that simple. She'd let these feelings nearly screw her over in Spain. She'd chased her tail for months missing him. This was stupid. It was suicide on an emotional level.

In the doorway, Jill tilted her head, looking at him. "What do you get from this? Is it a goddamn game to you?"

He paused. He eyed her quietly before he answered, "...not anymore."

Curious, she tilted her head at him, "What changed?"

And he simply answered, "You brought me turkey...and coffee...and dragged me when I couldn't walk anymore. It's not a game, Jill. It's just me."

Her eyes flickered as she breathed, "...I don't want to care about you."

Damn.

He held her eyes and felt like a knife thrust into her heart. Almost desperately, he confessed, "Me either. But I think it's too late."

He was right. He was dead right. It was too late.

Quietly, he demanded, "...tell me to fuck off, Jill. Say the words...and I'll go."

She believed him. He might be arrogant to a fault. He might be aggressive when he wanted a woman. But he was a gentleman at the core of it. How did she know that? Instinct. And whispered rumors in their business. He flirted, but he didn't exploit. He knew where the line was between attraction and rejection. And he wouldn't cross it without her implicit invitation.

They locked eyes in battle until she finally whispered, "...damn you."

"...for what?"

"...for being you."

It might have been funny if it wasn't exactly how they both felt. Her hands relaxed on the knob. He closed the last foot of distance between them, and she just gave it up. She gave up, which wasn't like her at all.

But she didn't care anymore.

"...you gotta say it, Jill...say it."

Two words - fuck. off. Not hard words. She'd been saying them to men most of her life. She could just open her mouth and finish this - keep things professional. Instead, she whispered, "...fuck...me."

He came through the door. She let him in.

He scooped her off her feet, held her to his front with one arm around her, and she held on as he carried her back, kicking the door behind them.

He pressed her against the wall.

Leon gruffed, "Is Redfield your guy?"

She trembled and whispered, "...does it matter?"

And he surprised her by insisting, "I don't poach. I don't cuck other guys. Tell me, and this stops now. Are you his?"

She could stop him. Just with a single lie - she could stop him. But her mouth breathed, "...no."

Around him, the ghosts of what waited beyond that door haunted him. All these people in his life…what did they want from him? Only Jill, here and now, seemed to expect nothing from him.

Was it why he'd craved her for so long? All of his sweaty, torturing, amorous dreams about her. Since that night, he'd probably fucked her in his head a thousand times. He'd played with her body like his guitar, strumming her until she sang for him.

Could he be around her and not put his hands on her? She rebuked him, refused him, flirted with him, and dragged him to safety. She was a playful little thing that pushed all his buttons. Clever and fun, and vivacious. He enjoyed her probably more than anyone he'd ever met. She was so gorgeous she hurt his head looking at her. She acted like a man in one hand. She flirted without being stupid about it, with dirty words and honest feelings. He dug it. Straight up dug it.

He'd known her for a handful of days. In reality - that was nothing. It wasn't even the length of a good friendship. It was stupid. They'd survived a nightmare, flirted, and jetted off into the sunset. He'd watched her ride away with her arms around the enormous hero of bioterror and lost her.

Just like that. A snap of fingers. A space of time with her standing beside him before the horizon had swallowed her like a dream.

He almost hated Chris Redfield. Hated him. Because he knew there was something there with them. And he hated it. He was sort of hoping the other man would pick a fight about it. He couldn't get her out of his head.

Testing them both, he slipped his hand under her shirt. She was braless. And obviously, the gods were trying his soul. He nearly died on the spot. His hands bracketed her ribcage and brushed at the undersides of those breasts. She made some sounds and leaned into him. Leon groaned a little and dropped his forehead against hers. His hand came up and cupped one, soft and heavy. He could feel her heart hammering through her breast; he echoed it, thundering in his blood.

They both held on for a long moment.

She knew only two things: One - he would probably be the death of her. And two - she wanted to die this close to him.

He shifted his other hand to cup a breast. So slow, almost testing, almost unsure. If he'd pushed, been rough, been wild...she might have stopped him. Maybe. But he didn't force. He didn't push. And he didn't take.

He gave. His mouth settled on her neck and suckled. Her head tilted to the side to give him better access.

All she had to do was say it- say stop- keep the boundaries in place that would protect them from whatever this wanted to be. He'd leave. Games aside, he'd leave. She knew that. She lifted her mouth and kissed the dent in his chin instead.

Softly, she wondered, "...how does this end?"

That old question - with no easy answer. Save one. Beside her ear, in a voice gruff with need, "With me...inside you."

And it was precisely what she needed to hear.

He leaned back to look at her. The moment held, sharp and heavy. Her thumbs skimmed his cheeks and lips. In the middle of a thrust of lust that was nearly cloying, it was painfully intimate. The eye contact was held until she confessed, "...I've missed you."

He didn't think any woman in his life had ever said that to him and meant it. He lowered his lips to kiss her, and she held his eyes while they explored each other's mouths. Gentle. Almost impossibly slow. It was as if they had all the time for that one perfect kiss. His hands moved under her shirt to mold her breasts with almost tender appreciation. Jill whimpered softly when he mounded them together and flicked his thumbs over the nipples.

She nipped beside his bottom lip with her teeth - just this shade of hard enough to show she could take a full bite if she wanted - and his eyes crossed. He said something, but it wasn't English. He wasn't sure it was a legitimate language.

Jill laughed, enraptured with him. He'd been pushy and arrogant and cocky. And here was, just... incredible. Almost unsure. Watching her and learning her. Looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world.

The Aurora Borealis beyond the window wasn't the most amazing thing she'd ever seen - he was. He always was. Fighting. Flirting. Fucking. He was beautiful. And she craved him.

She gave up fighting her feelings for him and surrendered.

It was the first time she did it with no regrets.

She shoved him against the opposite wall with a grunt from him, followed by a laugh.

Her hands slid to his zipper to likely set him free - set them both free- to finally satisfy the raging need between them. A good moment. A great moment. A wonderfully desperate moment.

She started to tug on that zipper.

And his phone started ringing in the pocket of his cargo pants.

Her lips and tongue slid and devoured his mouth. His hands gathered in all her hair and anchored.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring. Ring.

Leon begged desperately, "Shut up! Shut up!...asshole!"

She froze. Her eyes widened where she was working his zipper down. He grunted sharply, "Not you...god...not you. You're-holy shit-you're perfect."

Ring.

Ring ring ring.

Her mouth stopped licking and nibbling at his as she murmured, "Is it important? Do you need to-?"

"No." He almost laughed as she started to roll away like she'd let him answer it, and Leon pleaded, "Wait...wait, wait..."

A knock sounded on her door to put the cap on the shitshow, rapidly becoming his life. "Yo! Valentine! You seen the man in charge? They just buzzed my room to let me know they're looking for him."

Jill let go of him and backed off. He held her eyes like a desperate, dying, possibly hopeless man as he urged, "...ignore it. Ok? Just ignore all of it."

Her eyes twinkled at the same time; she looked so sad. "Can you? They'll find you eventually."

And he simply lamented, "...fuck my life."

With a look of regret, Jill went to answer the door.

She carefully kept it to the length of the chain as she told Kevin, "He's not here. But if I see him, I'll let him know."

Kevin nodded and sighed, "I thought maybe he'd gotten up the balls to chase you. Guess not, huh? Some tough guy can't even tell a girl he likes her. He's a good dude in a fight...doesn't know shit about women though, ya know?"

Jill smiled at Kevin and shrugged, "It's always the guys you least expect, am I right?"

Kevin snorted. She shut the door and turned back to Leon.

He was still leaning on the wall, watching her. His face was amused as she crossed toward him. "Really? You just impugn my manhood there?"

They held eyes and were both breathing like they'd run a mile in heavy humidity.

And the lightning in the blood had somehow managed to burn them both.

They were locked in a battle of wills when the door sounded again. "Jill?"

Rebecca, this time.

With a low curse of emasculation, Leon made her laugh with his frustration, "I can't stand these people."

She whispered with a small laugh, "Duty calls, Agent Kennedy. Maybe we should take this as a sign."

He rolled her beneath him against the wall, pinned her arms over her head, and left her breathless as he commanded, "No. This is not a sign. You hear me? Not a sign. This is...an unfortunate tangent. But definitely not a sign."

She breathed, "We never quite get the whole moment, do we?"

Feeling the hurt of it, he returned, "Not yet, Jill...but, goddamnit, we will. If I have to kidnap you and run off to an island somewhere to make it happen."

She gave him a soft look as she urged, "Right now? Let's go right now. Who would know we'd left?"

He lowered his mouth against hers and pleaded, "Can we? You start running...I will follow you."

"Hmm...liar. You don't run."

Ring.

Ring ringringringringring.

Cursing, he rolled off her, "Fuck this job. Jesus in a red rubber thong." He snatched it from his pocket and snapped, "What!?"

The anger in him made her feel incredible. He just wanted five minutes alone with her. The fact he was so pissed that he couldn't get it made Jill feel like maybe, they were headed someplace a little more than just sex here.

He glanced at her as he listened to whoever was on the phone. After a moment, he gruffed, "Yeah. Give me ten minutes."

He rose and reached for his jacket on the floor. "I'm sorry...I gotta meet a contact."

Jill folded her legs under her on the bed and returned, "S'ok. It's the job. I get it."

He thrust his arms into his jacket angrily and secured his shoulder holster. "You're right, Jill. I need a goddamn vacation."

Jill gave him a sympathetic look. "So, maybe when this is over...you do that."

He grabbed his hat off the floor and gave her a yearning look that made her blood warm as he grumbled, "...yeah. When this is over...the story of my life."

When she joined him at the door to let him out, she qualified, "I'm here to see this finished, Leon. I won't lose sight of that for whatever this is."

"Whatever this is...is something I gave up wanting long ago." He sounded so sad that it hurt her to hear it.

Jill zipped his coat for him and admitted, "Me too. So...there's no rush, ok? I'm not going anywhere."

He held her eyes and answered, "...I've heard that before."

"I won't leave you in the lurch. You know that. Don't you trust me?"

"...never trusted anybody more." He said it like it didn't mean anything.

God. That simple statement shouldn't have meant so much. It meant everything. Because she felt the same, that came, she was sure, from side by side, surviving what they had and leaning so heavily on each other the whole time. She was a woman of her word, and that, in his business, was as rare as finding a unicorn in your backyard.

The universe also made it clear he wasn't meant to have her.

It was the story of his life.

After a moment of staring at each other, he muttered apologetically, "...I gotta go."

Jill nodded sadly. "I know. Don't apologize. I can see it all over you. You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"...I have lifetimes to be sorry for, gorgeous. Don't kid yourself."

"Maybe...but I'm not one of them."

She was. She just didn't know it. He had to tell her...he should tell her...but not here and now. Not like this. And who was he kidding here? Telling her would mean she'd never look at him like this again. She'd look at him like he was her enemy.

He needed a little time to find the right way to let her know that her life was harder...because of him.

He gave her a look of nearly tortured longing. No explanation was necessary. She curled her fingers into his coat and shivered as he let go with a curse, "...I'm glad you're here, Jill...goddamnit."

She watched him head down the hallway.

The look on his face hadn't been thrilled by whomever he was meeting.

Ada Wong?

The second she thought it, something niggled in her belly like jealousy and annoyed her. Of course, there was only one way to see who he was meeting. Was it wrong to tail him and find out?

She decided it wasn't. From a purely business standpoint, she needed to know who he was dealing with. Yep. That was the reason.

That was her story, and she was sticking to it.