JENNIE

Tucked like I am under our comforter, the thought that keeps going through my mind is that I never, ever would have thought I'd witness anything like that from Lisa. She was so raw, so vulnerable, as her body shook with tears. I feel like the dynamic between Lisa and me is constantly shifting, so that one of us is always gaining an upper hand over the other. Right now, I would be the one in control.

But I don't want to be. And I don't like this dynamic. Love shouldn't be such a battle. Besides, I don't trust myself to be in control of what happens between us. Up until a few hours ago I had it all figured out, but now, after seeing her so shaken up, my mind is muddled and my thoughts clouded.

Even in the darkness, I can feel Lisa's eyes on me. When I let out the breath I realized I was holding, she quickly asks, "Do you want me to turn the television on?"

"No. If you want to, you can, but I'm okay," I answer.

I wish that I had grabbed my e-reader so I could read until I fell asleep. Maybe observing the ruination of Catherine and Heathcliff's lives would make mine seem easier, less traumatic. Catherine spent her whole life trying to fight her love for that man, on and off until the day she begged for his forgiveness and claimed she could not live without him—only to die hours later. I could live without Lisa, couldn't I? I won't spend my entire life fighting this. This is only temporary . . . Right? We won't bring ourselves and others misery because of our stubbornness and hard heads, right? I'm bothered by the uncertainty of this parallel, especially since it means I start comparing Taehyung to Edgar. I don't know how to feel about this. It's awkward.

"Jen?" my very own Heathcliff calls, wresting me away from my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I croak.

"I didn't fuck . . . sleep with Nancy," she says, as if correcting her foul language makes the statement any less shocking.

I stay silent, partly stunned by her talking about this, partly because I want to believe her. But I can't allow myself to forget that she's a master of deception.

"I swear it," she adds.

Oh, well, if she "swears" it . . . "Why did you say that, then?" I ask harshly. "To hurt you. I was just so mad because you said you kissed someone, so I just said the thing that I knew would hurt you the most."

I can't see Lisa, but somehow I know that ahe's lying on her back, her arms crossed, hands under her head, staring at the ceiling. "Did you really kiss someone?" she asks before I can respond.

"Yeah," I admit. But when I hear the suction of a deep breath, I try to soften the blow by adding, "Only once."

"Why?" Her voice is cool yet heated. It's a strange sound.

"I honestly have no idea . . . I was mad because of how you were acting on the phone, and I had way too much to drink. So I danced with this guy, and he kissed me."

"You danced with him? Danced how?" she asks.

I roll my eyes at Lisa's needing to know every detail of what I do, even when we aren't together. "You don't want me to answer that."

Her words thicken the air between us again. "Yes, I do."

"Lisa, we just danced like people do at a club. Then he kissed me and tried to get me to go home with him." I stare at the blades on the ceiling fan. I know that if we keep talking about this, they will eventually be forced to stop, unable to cut through the tension.

I try to change the subject. "Thank you for the e-reader. It was very thoughtful."

"He tried to get you to go home with him? Did you?" I hear her shuffling, giving me an indication that she's now sitting up.

I remain flat against the mattress. "Do you even have to ask that? You know I would never do that," I snap.

"Well, I never thought you would be kissing and dancing at a club either," she barks.

After a few beats of silence I speak. "I don't think you want to get started on the unexpected."

The blankets shuffle again, and I can feel her right next to me. That voice is right next to me. "Tell me, please tell me, that you didn't."

She sits down on the bed next to me and I move away from her. "You know I didn't. I saw you later that night."

"I need to hear you say it." Her voice is harsh but pleading. "Say that you only kissed him once and you haven't spoken to him since."

"I only kissed him once and I haven't spoken to him since," I repeat, only because I know she desperately needs to hear the words.

I keep my eyes focused on the swirl of ink poking out from the low collar of her shirt. Having her on the bed soothes me and burns me all at once. I can't stand the internal battle I'm stuck in the middle of.

"Is there anything else I should know?" she asks softly.

"No," I lie. I am not telling her about the date with Taehyung. Nothing happened and it's none of Lisa's business. I like Taehyung, and I want to keep him safe from the time bomb that is Lisa.

"You sure?"

"Lisa . . . I don't really think you're in the position to be hounding me," I say and look into her eyes. I can't help it.

"I know," she surprises me by saying.

When she moves off of the bed, I try to ignore the emptiness that takes me over.