JENNIE
Our moment together is interrupted when my phone vibrates and dances across the dresser. Lisa grabs it for me, looks at the screen, and says, "Jisoo."
Taking the phone from her, I answer, "Hello?"
"Hey, Jennie," Jisoo says. "So, my mum wanted me to call and see if you were coming over for Christmas?"
Her mom is so nice. And I bet she makes a great Christmas spread. "Oh . . . yeah, I'd love to. What time should I be there?" I reply.
"Noon." She laughs. "She's already started cooking, so if I were you, I wouldn't eat anything until then."
"I'll start fasting now," I joke. "Anything I should bring? I know Karen's a much better cook than me, but I could make something—dessert, maybe?" "Yeah, you can bring a dessert . . . and also . . . I know this is awkward, and if you aren't comfortable with it, then that's okay." Her voice lowers. "But they want to invite Lisa and her mum. But if you and Lisa aren't getting along—"
"We are. Sort of," I interrupt. Lisa raises her brow at my reply, and I give her a nervous smile.
Jisoo lets out a little breath. "Super. If you could just pass the invite along, they would really appreciate it."
"I will," I assure her, and then something occurs to me. "What should I get them, giftwise?"
"No, no—nothing! You don't have to bring gifts."
I keep my eyes on the wall and try not to focus on Lisa's steady gaze on me. "Okay, sure. But I'm bringing gifts, so what should it be?"
Jisoo sighs good-naturedly. "Stubborn as always. Well, my mum likes her kitchen, and Marco would go for a paperweight . . . or something."
"A paperweight?" I snort. "That's a dreadful gift."
She laughs. "Well, don't get her a tie, because I did." Then she groans. "Well, let me know if you need anything between now and then. I have to go help clean the house," she says and hangs up.
When I put my phone down, Lisa immediately asks, "You are going there for Christmas?"
"Yeah . . . I don't want to go to my mother's," I say and sit on the bed.
"I don't blame you." She rubs her chin with her index finger. "You could stay here?"
I pick at my fingernails on my lap. "You could . . . come with me." "And leave my mum here alone?" she scoffs.
"No! Of course not, Karen and your dad want her to come . . . Both of you."
Lisa looks at me like I'm crazy. "Yeah, right. And why would my mum want to go there with my father and his new wife?"
"I . . . I don't know, but it could be nice to have everyone together."
Really, though, I'm not sure how exactly that would go, largely because I don't know what type of relationship Chit and Marco have now, if they have one at all. It's also not my place to try to bring everyone together—I'm not part of their family. Heck, I'm not even Lisa's girlfriend.
"I don't think so." She frowns.
Despite everything going on between Lisa and me, it would have been nice to spend Christmas with her, but I understand. It would have been hard enough to convince Lisa to go to her father's house for the holiday anyway, let alone with her mother.
Because part of my brain likes a problem to solve, I start thinking that I need to get gifts for Jisoo and her parents, maybe something for Chit as well. But what? I should go now, really—it's already five, which only leaves a bit tonight and then tomorrow, Christmas Eve. I have no idea whether or not I should get something for Lisa; actually, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't. It would be awkward to give her a present when we're in this strange in-between place.
"What is it?" Lisa asks of my silence.
I groan. "I have to go to the mall. This is what I get for being homeless on Christmas," I tell her.
"I don't think bad planning has anything to do with you being homeless," she teases. Her smile is small but her eyes are bright . . .
Is she flirting with me? I laugh at the thought and roll my eyes. "Bad planning is not something that I do, ever."
"Sure . . ." she mocks, and I swat my hand at her.
She grabs my wrist and wraps her fingers around it to stop my playful assault. A familiar warmth floods through my body, and I lock eyes with her. She lets go quickly and we both look away. The air fills with tension, and I stand up to put my shoes back on.
"You're going now?" she asks.
"Yeah . . . the mall closes at nine," I remind her. "You're going alone?" She shuffles her feet awkwardly.
"Would you like to come?" I know this probably isn't the best idea, but if I want to at least try to move forward, then going to the mall together is fine. Right?
"Come shopping with you?"
"Yeah . . . if you don't want to, that's fine, too," I say awkwardly. "No, of course I do. I just . . . wasn't expecting you to ask."
I nod, then grab my phone and purse. Lisa close on my heels, I go out into the living room.
"We're going to the mall for a while," Lisa tells her mom.
"Both of you?" she asks knowingly, and Lisa rolls her eyes. As we hit the door, she yells over her shoulder, "Jennie, dear, if you want to leave her there, I won't complain."
I chuckle. "I'll keep that in mind," I say and follow her out.
WHEN LISA'S CAR STARTS, a very familiar piano melody fills the air. She hurries to turn the volume down, but it's too late. I give her a smug look.
"They grew on me, okay?" she says. "Sure," I tease and turn the song back up.
If only things could go this way forever. If only this flirty getting along, this nervous middle ground that we are in, could last forever. But it won't. It can't. We have to actually discuss what has happened, and what will happen from here on out. I know we have so much to talk about, but we aren't going to solve this problem all at once, even if I force the issue. I want to find the right time, and take it slow until then.
Most of the drive is spent in silence, the music saying all of the things I wish we could say to each other. When we near the Macy's entrance, Lisa says, "I'll drop you off by the door," and I nod. I stand under the vent to warm up while she parks and hurries through the cold to me.
After nearly an hour of looking at baking dishes of all shapes and sizes, I decide to get Karen a set of cake pans. I know she probably has more than enough, but cooking and gardening seem to be her only hobbies, and I don't have time to think of anything better.
"Can we take this to the car and then finish shopping?" I ask Lisa and struggle to keep the large box in my hands.
"Here, I'll take it. Stay here," she says and takes the box from me.
As soon as she walks away, I walk over to the men's section, where hundreds of ties in large cases mockingly remind me of Jisoo's claim about them as an easy gift. I keep browsing, but I've never bought a "dad gift" before, so I have no idea what to get.
"It's so fucking cold out," Lisa says when she returns, shivering and rubbing her hands together.
"Well, maybe wearing a T-shirt in the snow isn't a good idea." She rolls her eyes. "I'm hungry, are you?"
We make our way to the food court, where Lisa finds me a seat while she gets us some pizza from the only decent chain there. Minutes later, she joins me at the table with two plates piled full. I grab a slice and a napkin and take a small bite.
"How elegant of you," she teases when I wipe my mouth after I chew. "Shut up," I say and take another.
"This is . . . nice. Isn't it?" she asks.
"What? The pizza?" I innocently ask back, even though I know she isn't talking about the food.
"Us. Hanging out. It's been a long time."
It does seem like so long . . . "It hasn't even been two weeks," I remind her.
"That's a long time . . . for us."
"Yeah . . ." I take a bigger bite so I can keep silent a little longer.
"How long have you been thinking about moving forward?" she asks.
I slowly finish chewing and take a long drink of my water. "A few days, I guess." I want to keep this conversation as light as I can in order to avoid causing a scene, but I do add, "There's still so much to talk about."
"I know there is, but I'm so . . ." Her green eyes go wide as she focuses on something behind me. When I turn around, my stomach drops at the sight of red hair. Wendy. And next to her, her boyfriend, Bambam.
"I want to go," I tell her and stand up, leaving the tray of food on the table.
"Jennie, you haven't gotten any other gifts. Besides, I don't think they even saw us."
When I turn back around, Wendy's eyes meets mine, and the surprise on her face is evident. I can't tell if she's more surprised to see me, or that I'm with Lisa. Probably both.
"Yeah, she did."
The pair walk over to us, and I feel like my feet are bolted to the floor. "Hey," Bambam says uncomfortably when they reach us.
"Hey," Lisa says and rubs the back of her neck.
I don't say anything. I look at Wendy, then grab my purse from the table and begin to walk away.
"Jennie, wait!" she calls after me. The thick heels of her shoes smack against the hard tile as she hurries to catch up with me. "Can we talk?"
"Talk about what, Wendy?" I snap. "How my first and basically only friend here let me be humiliated in front of everyone?"
Lisa and Bambam look at each other, obviously unsure whether to intervene.
Wendy throws out her hands. "I'm sorry, okay! I know I should have told you—I thought she would tell you!"
"So that's supposed to make it okay, then?"
"No, I know it won't, but I'm really sorry, Jennie. I know I should have told you."
"But you didn't." I cross my arms.
"I miss you, I miss hanging out with you," she says.
"I'm sure you do miss having me as the focus of all of your jokes."
"It wasn't like that, Jennie. You are . . . were my friend. I know I fucked up, but I really am sorry."
Her apology catches me off guard. But I recover and say, "Well, I can't forgive you."
She frowns. And then her expression turns angry. "But you can forgive her? She's the one who started it all—and you forgave her. How fucked up is that?"
I want to snap at her, cuss her out even, but I know she's right. "I haven't forgiven her, I'm just . . . I don't know what I'm doing," I whine and put my hands over my face.
Wendy sighs. "Jennie, I don't expect you to just let it go like that, but at least give me a chance. We could hang out, just the four of us. The group is all fucked up, anyway."
I look up at her. "What do you mean?"
"Well, Hanbin has been an even bigger dick since Lisa beat the shit out of him. So Bambam and I have been keeping our distance from everyone."
I look over to where Lisa and Bambam are watching us and then look back at Wendy. "Lisa beat up Hanbin?"
"Yeah . . . last Saturday." She scrunches her brows. "She didn't say anything?"
"No . . ." I want to hear as much as I can before Lisa walks over and stops her from spilling, but she's eager to be on my good side, so she starts without my even having to ask.
"Yeah, well, it's because Nancy told Lisa that Hanbin planned the whole . . . you know," she adds quietly, "telling you in front of everyone . . ." But then she laughs a little. "Honestly, he had it coming, and the look on Nancy's face when Lisa basically pushed her off of her was priceless. I mean, seriously, I should have taken a picture!"
I'm pondering the fact that Lisa turned down Nancy and beat up Hanbin that Saturday before she came to Seattle, when I hear Bambam say, "Ladies," almost as if in warning that Lisa's near.
Lisa joins me and takes my hand, and as Bambam starts to pull Wendy away, she stays facing me for a moment and says with wide eyes, "Jennie, just think about it, okay? I miss you."
