JENNIE

You okay?" Lisa asks when they disappear. "Yeah . . . I'm fine," I tell her.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing . . . just that she wants me to forgive her." I shrug, and we head off down the main throughway. I need to process everything that Wendy just told me before I bring it up to Lisa. She must have been at one of their parties before she came to Seattle, and Nancy must have been there. I can't deny it's a massive relief to hear Lisa's take on things. It's almost funny that she had told me she slept with Nancy that same night she was actually rejecting her. Almost. The relief and irony are quickly overshadowed by my guilt over kissing that stranger at the club while Lisa was pushing away Nancy.

"Jen?" Lisa stops walking and waves her hand in front of my face. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking about what to get your dad." I'm a bad liar, and my voice gets more rushed than I'd like. "Does he like sports? He does, right? You two were watching that football game, remember?"

Lisa eyes me for a moment, then says, "The Packers, he likes the Packers." I am positive that she wants to ask more about Wendy, but she stays quiet.

We go to a sporting goods store, and I stay fairly quiet as well and Lisa chooses a few things for her father. She refuses to let me pay, so I grab a key chain off the display case near the register and pay for it myself just to annoy her. She rolls her eyes and I stick my tongue out at her.

"You do know that you grabbed the wrong team, right?" she says when we exit the store.

"What?" I reach in and grab the small object.

"That's the Giants, not the Packers." She smirks, and I shove the key chain back into the bag.

"Well . . . good thing no one will know the good gifts are actually from you."

"Are we done yet?" she whines.

"No, I have to get something for Jisoo, remember?"

"Oh yeah. She mentioned that she wanted to try a new shade of lipstick. Maybe coral?"

I put my hands on my hips and face her. "You leave her alone! And maybe I should be getting you the lipstick, since you seem to know the exact shade," I tease. It feels good to be bickering with Lisa in a playful way instead of a let's-burn-the-house-down way.

She rolls her eyes, but I see a small smile appear before she speaks. "You should just get her hockey tickets. Easy and not too expensive."

"That's actually a good idea."

"I know," she says. "Too bad she doesn't have any friends to go with her."

"Um, I would go with her."

The way Lisa is teasing about Jisoo makes me smile because it is so different than before, there is no malice behind her tone now.

"I wanted to get your mom something, too," I tell her. She gives me a funny, little, harmless look. "Why?" "Because it's Christmas."

"Just get her a sweater or something," she says and gestures at a store meant more for old ladies.

Eyeing it, I say, "I'm terrible at buying gifts for people. What did you get her?"

The present she got me for my birthday was so perfect that I imagine the gift she chose for her mother must be equally thoughtful.

She shrugs. "A bracelet and a scarf."

"A bracelet?" I ask and pull her farther down the mall.

"No, I meant a necklace anyway. It's just a plain necklace that says Mom or some shit."

"How nice of you," I say as we walk back into Macy's. I look around, feeling confident. "I think I can find her something here . . . she likes those tracksuits."

"Oh God, please, no more tracksuits. She wears them every day."

I smile at her sour expression. "So . . . all the more reason to buy her another one."

As we look at several racks with various options, Lisa reaches out and feels the sheer fabric on one. I get a good look at her knuckles, and the scabs on them, bringing me back to the information Wendy revealed.

I pretty quickly find a mint-green tracksuit that I'm sensing she'll like, and we wander off to find the register. En route, a sort of resolve takes over my frantic thoughts about Lisa, partly because I now know she wasn't actually sleeping with Nancy while I was in Seattle.

As we get to the register and place the outfit on the counter, I suddenly turn to Lisa and say, "We need to talk tonight."

The cashier looks back and forth between Lisa and me, confusion evident in her eyes. I want to tell her it's rude to stare, but Lisa speaks before I get the courage.

"Talk?"

"Yeah . . ." I say and watch the cashier remove the security tag. "After we put that tree up that your mom got when you two went out yesterday."

"Talk about what, though?"

I turn to look at her. "Everything," I say.

Lisa looks terrified and the implications of that word hang heavy in the air. When the cashier scans the tracksuit's tag, a beep breaks the silence, and Lisa mumbles, "Oh . . . I'll go get the car."

As I watch the woman bag Chit's gift, I think, Next year I'll make sure to get everyone amazing gifts to make up for my terrible gifts this year. But then I think, Next year? Who says there'll be a next year with her?

BOTH OF US STAY SILENT during the ride back to the apartment, me because I'm trying to organize my thoughts about everything I should say, and her. . . well, I get the feeling she's doing the same. When we arrive, I grab the bags and rush through the freezing rain and into the lobby. I'd take the snow over this any day.

When we step into the elevator, my stomach grumbles. "I'm hungry," I tell Lisa when she looks down at me.

"Oh." She looks like she wants to say something sarcastic but decides against it.

The sensation is only heightened when we get inside the apartment and the smell of garlic takes over my senses, instantly making my mouth water.

"I made dinner!" Chit announces. "How was the mall?"

Lisa grabs the bags from my hands and disappears into the bedroom. "It wasn't too bad. Not nearly as crowded as I'd thought it would be," I explain.

"That's good, I thought maybe you and I could put that tree up? Lisa probably won't want to help." She smiles. "She hates fun. But the two of us could do it, if you don't mind?"

I chuckle. "Yeah, of course."

"You should eat first," Lisa commands as she strides back into the kitchen.

I scowl at her and turn my attention back to Chit. Since my dreaded talk with Lisa is on the other end of my assembling the small tree with her mother, I'm in no particular rush. Besides, I need at least an hour to muster up enough strength to be able to say everything that I want to say. It's probably not the best idea to have such an important talk with her mother here, but I can't wait any longer. Everything that's going to be said needs to be said . . . now. My patience is waning; we can't stay in this in- between place much longer.

"Are you actually hungry now, Jennie dear?" Chit asks me. "Yes, she is," Lisa answers for me over her shoulder. "Yeah, I actually am," I tell her, ignoring her obnoxious daughter.

While Chit makes me a plate of chicken casserole with spinach and garlic, I sit at the table focusing on how delicious it smells. When she brings the plate over, I see it looks even better than it smells.

As she puts the plate in front of me, Chit says, "Lisa, you could take the pieces out of the tree out of box for us, make it a little easier?"

"Sure," she says.

She smiles at me. "I got a few ornaments, too."

By the time I've finished eating, Lisa has the branches slid into the slots and the tree assembled.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" her mom says. When she grabs the box of ornaments, she goes over to her. "We'll help with those."

Completely full, I get up from the table, and ponder how putting together a Christmas tree with Lisa and her mother, in an apartment that was ours, is something I'd have never thought I'd be doing. Ever. I enjoy the feeling while we decorate, and in the end, though the ornaments seem randomly hung on the miniature tree, Chit looks very pleased.

"We should get a photo in front of it!" she suggests. "I don't do pictures," Lisa grumbles.

"Oh, come on, Lisa, it's the holidays." She bats her lashes and she rolls her eyes at her for the hundredth time since her arrival.

"Not today," she replies.

I know it isn't fair of me, but I feel for her mother, so I look at her with big eyes and say, "Just one?"

"Fine, fuck. Just one." She stands next to Chit in front of the tree and I grab my phone to take a picture of them. Lisa barely smiles, but Chit's cheerfulness makes up for it. Still, I'm relieved when she doesn't suggest that Lisa and I take a picture together; we need to figure out what we're doing before we start romantic pictures in front of Christmas trees.

I get Chit's phone number and send a copy of the picture to her and Lisa, who walks back to the kitchen and makes herself a plate of food.

"I'm going to go wrap some gifts before it gets too late," I announce. "Okay, see you in the morning, sweetie," Chit says and gives me a hug.

Going into the bedroom, I see that Lisa has already gathered the wrapping paper, bows, tape, and everything else I could possibly need. I hurry to start wrapping so we can have "the Talk" sooner rather than later. I really want to get it over with, but at the same time am afraid of how it will go. I know that I've made up my mind, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit it. I know how foolish it is of me, but I've been a fool since I first met Lisa, and that hasn't always been a bad thing.

I finish writing Marco's name on a gift tag just as she walks in. "Done?" she asks.

"Yeah . . . I need to get those tickets printed for Jisoo before we talk." She cocks her head back. "Why?"

"Because I need your help, and you're not helpful when we're fighting." "How do you know we'll fight?" she asks.

"Because it's us." I half laugh, and she silently nods in agreement. "I'll get the printer from the closet."

As she walks away, I turn on my laptop. Twenty minutes later we have two tickets to the Seattle Thunderbirds printed and wrapped in a small box for Jisoo.

"Okay . . . so any other distractions before we . . . you know, talk?" Lisa asks.

"No. I guess not," I reply.

We both go and sit on the bed, her against the headboard with her long legs stretched out, me with my legs tucked under me at the other end. I have no idea where to start or what to say.

"So . . ." Lisa begins.

This is awkward. "So . . ." I pick at my nails. "What happened with Hanbin?" I ask.

"Wendy told you," she states flatly. "Yeah, she did."

"He was running his mouth."

"Lisa, you have to talk to me or this isn't going to work." Her eyes go wide with indignation. "I am talking."

"Lisa . . ."

"Okay. Okay." She lets out an angry breath. "He was planning to try to hook up with you."

My stomach turns at the thought. Plus, that's not the reason for the fight that Wendy told me at the mall. Is Lisa lying to me again? "So? You know that would never happen."

"That doesn't make a difference, even thinking about him touching you . . ." She shudders and continues: "And also, he's the one who . . . well. Nancy, too, who planned to tell you about the bet in front of everyone. He had no fucking right to humiliate you like that. He ruined everything."

The momentary relief I feel that Lisa's story now matches Wendy's, is quickly replaced by anger over her attitude that if only I didn't know about the bet, everything would have been fine. "Lisa, you ruined it. They just told me about it," I remind her.

"I know that, Jennie," she says with annoyance.

"Do you? Do you know that, though? Because you haven't really said anything about it."

Lisa pulls her legs back with a sudden move. "Yes, I have—I was crying the other day, for fuck's sake."

I feel a scowl etch itself into my features. "You need to stop cursing at me so much, for one thing. And two, that was one time. That's really the only time you've said anything. And it wasn't much."

"I tried in Seattle, but you wouldn't talk to me. And you've been ignoring me, so when was I supposed to tell you?"

"Lisa, the point is, if we're going to even try to move past this, I need you to open up to me, I need to know exactly how you feel," I tell her.

Her green eyes bore into me. "And when do I get to hear how you feel, Jennie? You're just as closed off as I am."

"What? No . . . No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are! You haven't told me how you feel about any of this. You just keep saying you're done with me." She waves her hands toward me. "But here you are. It gets a bit confusing."

I need a moment to think about what she just said. I've had so many thoughts jumbled in my head that I've forgotten to communicate any of them to her. "I have been so confused," I say.

"I'm not a mind reader, Jennie. What are you confused about?"

A lump forms in my throat. "This. Us. I don't know what to do. About us. About your betrayal." We've just started this conversation, and I'm already on the verge of tears.

A little harshly, she says, "What do you want to do?" "I don't know."

She calls me out. "Yes, you do."

There are a lot of things that I need to hear her say before I can be sure of what I want to do. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to stay with me. I want you to forgive me and give me another chance. I know I've asked you too many times, but please, just give me one more chance. I can't be without you. I've tried, and I know you have, too. There isn't anyone else for either of us. If it's not us, it's nothing —and I know that you know that, too." Her eyes are glassy when she finishes, and I wipe my tears away.

"You hurt me, so terribly, Lisa."

"I know, baby, I know I did. I would give anything to take that back," she says, then looks down at the bed with a strange expression. "Actually I wouldn't. I wouldn't change anything. Well, I would have told you sooner, obviously," she says. I snap my head up. She brings her up and stares right into me. "I wouldn't take it back, because we wouldn't have been together if I hadn't done such a fucked-up thing. Our paths would have never really crossed, not in the way that has bonded us together so tightly. Even though it's destroyed my life, without that stupid, evil bet, I wouldn't have had a life at all. I'm sure that makes you hate me even more, but you wanted the truth. And that's the truth."

Looking into Lisa through her green eyes, I don't know what to say.

Because when I think about it—really think about it—I know I wouldn't change anything either.