AN: I made dis. I sorry if sucks. To keep in theme with the story, today marks five months since I last had any alcohol. this chapter was split into to parts as per instructions of my revising team. Much love!

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Chapter 12. Old Time's Sake (part 1)

'Things went… strangely well. I'll talk to him today, maybe. He's asleep right now.'

Kensuke collapsed on an old log and stored away the cellphone with a sigh of relief. Behind him, the Ayanami forest stretched out, covering most of the crater where Tokyo-03 had once stood. Toji, Shinji and him had camped in that exact location five years before, on what would mark the decline of their friendship.

"A simple comment rambled over sake," he mused, massaging his chin. Even then, young and frail, Shinji's fist had felt like concrete. I think it's better that way. You guys aren't good for each other, whispered a younger, infatuated Kensuke. What? Didn't she push you over that railing? All she ever did was call you names!

Shinji had seen right through the ruse. You like Asuka, he had stated, both hands curled into fists. Don't you?

"Yeah, I did," Kensuke replied to the forest. "Thought I liked her more than you do. I thought I could 'fix' her, maybe even save her. Then it turned into 'I'm just helping my friend, no harm done here. I'm a bridge of communication.' Keh."

Years of steady decline followed. Shinji's eyes turned colder with every 4th of December, his hope of getting a reply waned, the altercations and fights he volunteered to participate in increased. The sound of a man's teeth being reduced to splinters washed over him again.

"I knew all along that she was writing letters, getting you presents," he told a crow that landed a few feet away. The bird stared at him in curiosity, hopping closer to his rations. "She cried over the phone more than once, telling me how numb you sounded. I tried to take her to task so many times, told her for years to just get her butt over here and handle the damn mess she created."

The crow bayed at him. The once glistening back feathers were faded, and one of its eyes was missing. Kensuke threw a piece of dry meat on the ground. Rarely anyone came to the campsite precisely due to its miserable atmosphere. Not even Mana, with her love for adventure and adrenaline, came with him to that place.

"Listen, Shinji. I didn't know what was worse, telling you or not telling you," he tried to argue with the bird. "You were unhinged for a second there, dude. Hunting people down, really? Hospitalizing some rando who chose to drink too much? Shaking down the mafia and the government? I was almost certain you'd kill me if I ever told you the truth. You weren't Shinji, you were this 'Third Child' persona you created. It was scary."

Oh, and you're not scared now? Shinji towered over him just like the last time they had seen one another. You think these little cuts will stop me from squeezing the life out of you?

"Nah." Kensuke smiled, leaning back. The crow mimicked his voice to surprisingly accurate detail. "I'm still scared. My friend is back, though, and I want to apologize to him."


"….and another thing!" He shouted to the screen. "Who the fuck does she think she is, huh! Running around with that lousy piece of trash… with that god damn pretty boy!"

A vase Mari had bought was hurled at the wall.

"Thank you for saying I'm nothing, thank you for checking in when I was dying from an overdose! Thanks for the concern when the entire country tried to have me killed! Thank you, you… bitch!"

He collapsed on the floor in agony. The breathing coming from the other line was unmistakable. Someone was definitely listening.

"Why am I so worthless to her, huh?" Shinji demanded to the phone. "I've apologized in every way, through every form. I've tried to improve myself, tried to survive. Am I really so horrible?"

The floor faded, swallowed by a black pit. The brat's chains lay beside him, bloodied and empty, with the cage's gate wide open.

"I'm trying…" Shinji whispered.

"Are you hurting?"

His eyes snapped open, fixed on the phone. Asuka's voice came through the device, clear as day. "I love your cooking, you know. Idiot. I'll save you, you'll see. Wait for me. Wait for me."

"…okay," Shinji whispered as awareness returned. "I'll wait… I'll… huh?"

The hand caressing his scalp paused. Shinji grunted his displeasure, and the slow massage continued. "Hey," Asuka murmured next to him. "Morn- Heh, afternoon, idiot."

A quick glance around the room confirmed it was well after sundown. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Seven hours, you got up to the bathroom a while ago, then went right back to sleep," Asuka clarified. Her finger pressed against his temple. "About eleven in total."

Hmm, she's still apprehensive. Shinji suppressed a shudder after recalling her confession. "And how many hours have you slept?"

Weariness and guilt still clouded her gaze. "About eight or nine." She shifted her weight on the bed and looked away. "I slept well, don't worry about it. Hungry?"

Not for food. Shinji's hand curled around Asuka's hair and dragged her face closer. He paused by her lips. "It wasn't a dream, then? Yesterday, everything that happened…" Her eyes drifted to the ceiling. It's cute to see her like this. Unguarded, shy. She's letting me see it all. "Good."

The simple reply took her by surprise. Position the target in the center, pull the switch. Shinji planted a slow, passionate kiss on her lips. She hesitated for a moment before responding in kind and running her fingers through his hair.

"How about some breakf… how about some dinner?" Shinji asked once they broke away. It took all his concentration to not kiss Asuka again when she nodded. "Pretty sure there's stew left. I'll heat up some for you, and get a movie going. How's that?"

"Fine, but no sudd-"

"No sudden movements, I know," he interrupted, and stole another peck before Asuka could react. "Stay put!"

"Hey!" Asuka crossed her arms and sulked on the bed. Only then he realized she was wearing one of his shirts. "Shinji…"

"I meant it, just like you've meant every word since you got here. I'm not going anywhere." Pausing by the door, Shinji did his best to sound reassuring. "You kept your word. You… heh… you saved me. Now, let me take care of you."

Asuka did not reply. Her gaze rested firmly on the mattress, arms crossed and hair obscuring her features. Masking despair and trepidation with anger was a much-needed breath of fresh air. It felt like Asuka was slowly coming to terms with their new reality.

She's probably never had the chance to openly express that guilt, Shinji thought in the kitchen. He managed a good ten minutes until panic settled comfortably in his chest. Once Asuka started wolfing down the food, still in bed and unwilling to look at him, he reached for the phone.

'I kissed her. I kissed Asuka. She kissed me back!'

'Congratulations. Did you fuck her yet?' Krista replied almost instantly.

'She's acting weird. Like herself, but also not like herself. I don't know what to do. Did I do something wrong? Should I not have kissed her?'

'Dumbass. She's guilty, duh. Just do what you always do. Let her come to you, and don't fuck it up by pressing too much. Be your nice, dumbass self. Dumbass.'

Frustration easily overtook fear. With nothing solved or gained, Shinji resisted the urge to hurl the phone at the wall as he had done with the vase. His chest was a twirl of conflicting emotions. His body, rested and relaxed, began to cramp with anxiety and crave for something, anything to take the edge off.

"What I always do? You mean numb myself to death?" he whispered, stealing furtive glances at the room. "Be nice, huh."

Mari's laughter and scorching apparition was weirdly absent, her voice gone. Every time he remembered her, all Shinji saw was grief. She had always complimented his 'kindness', even if it was to mock it whenever her mood swings manifested. The anger generally associated with memories of her had also faded, flushed out of his system like the drugs.

Be nice, huh. Nice. How can I do what when all I want to do is kiss her?

His mind drifted to the day before, to the steady grip of Asuka's hand on his own, and the relief that flashed through her eyes when the pills disappeared. With guilt and dread still strangling her every breath, she had felt pride. Pride in him.

"Cheer for the miserable, recovering alcoholic why don't you." His voice quieted further, faded into nothing short of a passing murmur. "Where do I go from here?"

The cellphone's screen came alive. 'Stop overthinking, dumbass. Your Asuka is on edge, she's expecting to be pushed away at any moment. Reassure her.' Krista's curt message brought Shinji's erratic breathing under control.

Resting by the balcony rested Asuka's depleted speaker. They had spent the rest of the day holding one another in silence, as songs drowned out the passing of hours. After one hearty meal in the early afternoon, exhaustion unlike any other had sunk into Shinji's bones and dragged him to a heavy slumber.

The door creaked from behind, and seconds later Asuka disappeared into the bathroom. Fear riddled the air, his healthy leg danced up and down. One unwrapped present remained, resting innocently inside his closet, where it had waited in silence for years.

Reassure. Like she did whenever I tried to keep her away, he thought. The wounds still stung, if very little, but the debilitating months of being wheelchair bound made his attempt at stealth fruitless. He stumbled over a fallen sweater and almost collided head-first with the closet door. Finally, a chance to help, the brat realized. Excitement ran through his body, it made his hands shake whilst retrieving the small box. Can't mess this up!

"What's that?"

"Ah!" Shinji almost jumped off the bed, hissing when his leg cramped, and stuffed the cloth inside his back pocket. "That's-I mean, what's what?"

"It better not be any sort of 'hidden stash', idiot," Asuka threatened without the usual bite. She looked tired, with anger increasingly evident in her narrow stare. "Why are you so jumpy? I saw you hide something behind your back. Give it here."

Because I'm excited, trying to process why the hell I'm not horrified by what you told me yesterday, and all I can think about is kissing you.

"Nope!" Shinji moved away when Asuka tried to grab at his shoulder. "Maybe if you give me a little smile, then I'll consider it. Hey, stop that, I'm injured!"

"Yeah, right!" Asuka replied, pushing him to the bed. "You carried me to bed yesterday, mister 'injured'! Now stay still and let me see!"

Shinji pretended to struggle and fell on the mattress, box still safely tucked away. Asuka climbed on top of him and tried her best at playfully glaring down at him. "What sort of physical therapy is this?" he demanded in between chuckles, and stretched out his arms in 'defeat'. "I surrender, oh great Doktor Soryu. All you have to do now is ask nicely."

"Fuck that," she growled inches away from his face. "You're acting really weird."

"Said the kettle to the pot," Shinji recited. He recalled Asuka saying the same thing to Toji, which made her grumble louder. She's so pretty when she's annoyed. "Talking helps, Asuka." His voice grew somber and warm. "I'm not going anywhere, and hopefully neither are you."

Asuka groaned and sat up, still straddling him by the waist, gaze fixed on the closet. Her hands came to rest on his chest, ever gentle, ever hyper-aware of his injuries. "I don't know what to do," she confessed at last. "I planned a hundred different scenarios for yesterday and the night before. Thought I had considered every possible outcome, and I… believed I was ready for all of them."

"So the poor idiot finally managed to catch the great Asuka Langley Soryu by surprise?" Come on, do it, the shadow demanded. He smirked. "Heads up!"

Shinji planted his arm above her waist, pushed forward and reverted the position with little difficulty. She yelped in surprise and almost punched him out of reflex, restraining herself at the last second as she lay on the mattress, eyes wide and breathing erratic.

"What the hell, idiot?" Asuka hissed, her face inches away from his. "Did I say you could move like that yet? Have you lost your god damn mind? And what the hell is that thing you're hiding? Give it here! The fact that you're… that we're… this thing now… does not mean you can…"

Her lips are so nice. She tastes like ginger and honey. Should I just kiss her? Can I? While her mouth continued to move, Shinji registered not a word. How often can I kiss her? Hug her, hold her, cook for her. I want to.

"… if you want to."

"Huh?"

Asuka looked away; her fingers snaked being his neck and pinched the skin close to his nape. "I said… you can just kiss me if you want to," she repeated. "You're looking at me like you did last night."

"I am?" he inquired. "How am I looking at you?"

Her face turned to him; the shadow of a frown obscured her features. "Like I'm water in the desert," she growled back. "Are you going to get on with it, or just lay on top of me like Third Impact just happened?"

Yes. Snap, bite, try to push me away. Be the Asuka I love so much, he mused with satisfaction. "Who said I was going to kiss you? Maybe I just wanted to pick up where we left off seven years ago."

"Well, what the hell are you waiting for, then?"

Their lips were mere inches away, hers closed and scowling, whereas his still held the smirk. Shinji's hand slowly made its way to her neck, caressing the soft skin and driving shivers up and down Asuka's body.

Just as they were about to kiss Shinji shook his head, quickly got to his feet and took out the scarf, wrapping it around his neck as he exited the room.

"I'm gonna watch a funny movie, interested?" Shinji let the question linger and limped to the kitchen. "I'll make some hot cocoa first, though. It's a little chilly," he added. Asuka's deadly glare followed wherever he went, so he deliberately readjusted the scarf. "Hmm, who needs rum in a world where there's hot cocoa with marshmallows?"

The bedsheets shuffled. Shinji prepared the sweet beverage in minutes, ensuring the fragrance covered the whole apartment before sitting on the couch with a steaming cup. He left a large mug filled to the brim with the treat and waited.

No sooner than he'd taken the first sip, Asuka was standing behind him, "What's with the rag?" she asked. "Is that supposed to be Unit 02 or something?"

"Yup," Shinji answered, not looking at her. "I found it a few years ago. It was pretty worn out, so I started working on it whenever I could. Wanted to give it to you after our date, but… well, you know what happened."

"Uh huh, and why does it look like it was run over by a truck?" Asuka demanded. "What's with you?"

"Funny you should ask." Shinji sipped the beverage and hummed in satisfaction. "Every year I'd go back to it. I'd tear it apart sometimes, then feel bad and re-knit it. I added the Unit 02 patch after 'accidentally' setting it on fire a year ago, and I was planning on giving it to you yesterday. Think I'll keep it for myself, though. You know, with it being so ugly and all that."

What do you know, Krista was right for a change, Shinji thought. Ah, the bait worked. Nothing like placing fresh meat in front of a hungry lioness.

Said lioness sat to his right, sparing him the occasional glare as she drained her own massive cup. "Stop being weird," she grunted in between gulps of cocoa. "It's making me uncomfortable."

"Then, it's working," he said. "Can you tell me why it's making you uncomfortable, Frau Doktor?"

Asuka's foot pushed against his healthy leg. "I just told you why. If that's meant for me, how come you never sent it, like all the other gifts?"

"Eh, after seven years of you ditching my calls, I decided you hadn't earned this particular rag," Shinji answered. "It became something of an outlet for me. I'd tear it to shreds, then put it back together, in that order, after each of your birthdays."

Silence stretched between them, with little else than the breeze and the random scream in Swedish filtering through the room. As the movie progressed and each of Shinji's laughs became heartier, the distance between them reduced. After he refilled both cups and placed extra treats in Asuka's cocoa, she snatched his arm.

"So, the scarf is a representation of me," she concluded. "Or, more accurately, of what you feel about me."

"I guess? You're the expert on this stuff," he replied with a shrug. Asuka recoiled at his sarcasm. Fuck, backpedal. Backpedal! "Sorry."

"Idiot." Asuka huffed. "This movie's dumb. The kid made a wish, and now his father can't lie? What a load of crap."

"Heh. I know, right?" Shinji wrapped his arm around her, ensuring her cheek rubbed against the worn cloth. "Imagine how different our lives would've been if we could just wish dumb stuff like th-."

"Stop breaking the law, asshole!"

"Pfft," Asuka pointlessly tried to contain the laughter, only to burst into a fit of giggles afterwards. "I wanted to scream at you like that so much!"

Another tiny portion of the monstrous weight peeled off Asuka's shoulders. Be your dumbass self. Be your dumbass self, come on Shinji. Come on! "Well, you can now," he added, and stole a third kiss from her unsuspecting lips. "As loudly as you like, for however long you like."

I'm staying here, with you. Only you, Asuka.

"Aren't you angry with me? Disgusted?" she asked. Fire returned to her tone with every word spoken. "Anything?"

"Remember that guy who kept stalking you?" Shinji rebutted with his own question. "You know I was the one who made him stop. You know what I did to that Fabio guy, to the reporter. I'm sure you're angry about that. Are you disgusted?"

"No," Asuka admitted. "It makes me feel guilty you'd do such things for me, but mostly I felt sad that you… went to that extreme. Oh."

"Yeah," he said. "Only I don't want to be sad, right now. It's bad enough to have my body itch and ache or my throat burn for rum. I'm sitting next you. We're watching a movie, relaxing at home like I dreamed of for seven years. Fuck everything else."

Shinji's heartbeat betrayed his stoic façade. Asuka's hand pressed against his chest, then slowly made its way to his cheek. She drew him into a kiss. Hungered. Aggressive. Her hand gripped at his hair, eliciting a low, bestial groan from both.

The scarf flew off his neck as Asuka drew away, separating quicker than he could react. She wrapped the cloth around her and stormed off towards the door. "This is mine now," she declared. "I'm going out, we're out of marshmallows."

False, we're fairly well-stocked on those, I made sure of it, he thought with a smile. "Take care, I'll behave. Promise."

"You better!" Asuka yelled from the door as it closed.

The movie ended soon after, and Shinji was alone with his thoughts. He stared at the ceiling for long, quiet minutes, trying to engrave the ferocity of Asuka's kiss into his very soul. The fire he had longed for and had been terrified of was finally scalding him.

"So long as the earth, the moon and blah blah blah, I'll have the chance to be happy, huh," he muttered. Something moved in the corner. "Took long enough."

Yui Ikari stared at him. She was not rotting, nor bloated with inhuman features. Her features were foggy, more a shadow than a figure at all, and yet he saw the tiny smile devoid of malice. Shinji saw his mother for the first time in too long.

"Driven, possessive, intelligent and beautiful," he commented as the ghost faded into nothing. "You would've hated her, mom."


"-od damn freaking idiot! Who does he think he is, huh?"

With his ward's voice echoing through the empty streets, Fritz could do little to restrain himself. A few coughs managed to disguise the chortle enough for Asuka to miss it altogether. It was late in the night; the cold air chilled his bones and the hurried pace he was forced to keep made old wounds ache.

Ah, but you'd have to take both my legs if you wanted me to miss this, he thought. Before him marched a stranger, a person he had only heard about, and seen in security footage. I've been waiting to meet you for the last few years, Asuka.

Their first interactions had been anything but cordial. Asuka had been consumed by her studies, her hatred and fears, and had spared him a passing glance and a scowl at best. Over the years, and upon seeing no judgment or disgust in his eyes, her defense had begun to lower until such point that he became someone she confided in. He had known the stoic, overachieving genius, then the terrified, desperate and wrathful teenager.

"And another thing!" she exclaimed, turning to face Fritz with a fistful of the scarf in her hold. "What's this supposed to mean, huh? That idiot was ripping this to pieces and knitting it back together! Look! It's even got a stupid little sticker of my Unit 02! Ugh!"

"Perhaps a symbol of his devotion," he tried. "Madam, you have told me many times you do not blame him for having tried to get over his… attachment to you. And yet he never could, not entirely."

"So what! Does that give him permission to behave like his… fearless version of his old damn self? He's prancing around, making delicious cocoa, when all he should be doing is push me away! What's up with that?" Despite the apparent repulsion for the scarf, Asuka never let go of it.

"I wouldn't know, Madam," Fritz said. "You are the expert on the mind, not I. A man can only speculate."

"Like you'd know," she repeated, evidently not listening to a single word. "I'm calling the hag. Can you go and get some marshmallows? I told the idiot I'd get some."

"Of course."

He bowed and pretended to walk towards the nearest open grocery store, yet ducked out of sight at the last moment. A glance ensured Asuka was already engrossed in deep conversation with her stepmother. Eventually, the spite drained from her features as she grasped at the scarf's irregular patterns.

"-then he kissed me! What do I do?" Asuka murmured into the phone. "Fine… fine. Yeah, I I'll try. Thanks. Can you put dad on the phone?"

Dad? Papa I've heard several times, most of them condescendingly… but dad? Fritz breathed a deep, contented sigh. Asuka was letting herself act her age. I told you that you wouldn't be the only one doing the saving, did I not, Madam?

"Stop asking stupid question, of course you're going to meet him. Just don't be weird about it." Asuka's tone gained a bit more composure, her body relaxed while her eyes never stopped inspecting every inch of the cloth. "Listen, the thing we spoke of… yeah. I'm staying. I'll go pick up my stuff once the idiot's wounds close completely. I'll stay close and keep an eye on him from now on."

Ah, a final exodus before coming home. Even now, as you feel the pulse of your own youth blossoming at last, all you think of is how best to help him, Madam, he mused. Love is the wish to give, not to receive, after all.


"Nah, it's fine. I wanted to give you something, and I remembered you like this cake from Shinji's restaurant."

The heaviness of his limbs and the sluggish pace made the walk feel eternal. An endless street stretched far beyond, only widening and drawing further away with every labored step he took. Toji looked down at his feet and stopped. The unbalanced breathing and quick pulse deafened the faceless pedestrians walking past him. Panic constricted his chest.

"Come on, nobody's tightening the damn noose now," he reprimanded, and slapped himself in the healthy side of his face. A few bystanders stared in bewilderment, muttering amongst themselves. "Get your shit together, Suzuhara."

His stride doubled after reaching Hikari's apartment complex. He gripped the treat with care, afraid his brutish strength would ruin the frosting, and greeted the neighbors who still remembered him. Whereas Toji had been once welcomed with friendly waves and amiable questions, he encountered nothing short of indifference or disgust.

Become what she deserves, Asuka reprimanded. "Yeah, yeah. I'm trying, damn it," he mumbled. The Horaki residence was mere feet away. His jaw clicked. "My sister's never going to let me hear the end of it if I don't."

Toji rang the doorbell and waited. A passing thought instructed him to conceal the small package right as the door was opening. Nozomi's voice echoed through the house; she had always enjoyed his company in the past. He gave himself half a chance to see Hikari.

"Hi! Anything I can do for y-oh." The girl's eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, little sis." He attempted the old nickname, which only earned him a scowl. "I was wondering if-"

"If you could screw off out of our property? By all means, cheater," she spat. "Let me guess, you're here to grovel at my sister's feet?"

"Pretty much," replied Toji. "Feel free not to call her. I'll just stand here until she feels like coming to the door."

Nozomi shook her head, glare turning spiteful. She marched over and punched him square in the jaw. The sound reverberated through the hallway, with the impact making his head ring. Unsurprisingly, she packed more of a punch than both her elder sisters.

"If you hurt Hikari again I'll kill you." Nozomi hissed, jaw clenched and face bright with anger. "Do you understand?"

"Perfectly." Toji felt for loose teeth and swallowed down the taste of blood. "Is your sister home?"

"Go to hell."

The door hissed closed. Shuffling from the other side, angry whispers and heavy footsteps approaching made Toji take a deep breath. Kodama said nothing, but made sure to stare at him like he was an insect, only to empty a full glass of watermelon juice on his head. Liquid dripped from his hair and onto the white shirt he'd ironed for the occasion.

"Nothing to say, huh," she muttered. "Good."

Hours ticked away as he stood vigil, not bothering to wipe away the droplets even as neighbors walked by and pointed. The sky began to darken, his phone rang several times, his muscles began to burn from the strain and the autumn wind made him shiver as stars started glimmering above.

A few minutes before midnight, the door opened again.

"You're gonna catch a cold like that, dummy," Hikari said. She smiled, arms crossed, and leaned on the doorframe. "It's late, Toji. What on earth could be so important, that it couldn't have been said over the phone?"

He pushed the treat forward. "Carrot cake from Shinji's restaurant, I know it's your favorite. Made sure it was made with Shinji's recipe."

"Oh?" Hikari snatched the package with hungry eyes. "Thank you! I was thinking of a sweet treat before bed."

She disappeared into the house and gave Toji no time to articulate another sentence. He sighed, defeated, then forced his cramped limbs into motion. No sooner than he'd taken two steps away, a pair of familiar arms swiftly ensnared him from behind. Hikari pressed against him with no regard for the clammy substance still coating his head and back.

"Don't eat garbage, and don't go out drinking. Asuka will tell me if you slip," she said, and pushed a bento into his hands. "Keep up the good work, Toji, and maybe you'll be out of the doghouse in a year or so. You know, every person I know is telling me I'm an idiot for giving you a chance."

"Heh, well," Toji shrugged, chuckling. "They're probably right."

"Oh, hush, you," Hikari gave him a playful push. "There's two people who think otherwise, though. You should be grateful to them."

They drew into a long, fervent embrace. Toji buried the need to kiss her under the shame of his former actions. "Can I swing by tomorrow? I'm getting my diploma, and I'd… love to take you out for dinner."

"That depends," she whispered, drawing away. "Invite Asuka and Shinji and I might consider it."

Just fucking kill me, already, he thought in despair. "I'll give it a shot," Toji promised. "I love you, Hikari."

"I know, dummy. Now go change."

This time, the door closed with finality. The food was warm in his hands, so when his stomach grumbled on the way back, he devoured the bento's content with little decorum. Asuka could keep Shinji's fancy dishes. To him, there was nothing quite like a meal prepared by Hikari.

The early morning found Toji sitting on the balcony, drinking a soda while the sun rose. Three days had gone by without him smashing a fist against his jaw. "Only a year or so, huh," he told nobody. "She's too lenient."


"Okay… don't wake up… please don't wake up… and done."

Kaji took a careful breath and tip-toed out of his daughter's room. He lingered by the doorframe, drinking in the sight of his precious child breathing deep and even. Every time Rei saw his face, she would smile in delight and ask to be held by her Papa.

She had a good laugh yesterday, and this morning, and this afternoon again, he thought, bemused. The child was transfixed by the swelling on his cheekbone. Twice already she had attempted to grasp the sutures, and despite her mother's insistence, she prodded the area with curious fingers, commenting on how scalding the skin felt.

"'Don't touch my stuff', huh," he murmured. "I wonder if you realize he says the exact same line all the time."

"They're too alike for their own good," Misato whispered from behind. "And too socially inept to accept their own damn feelings. Sound familiar?"

Kaji wasted no time in enveloping her in an embrace. His hand brushed over her growing belly. "Painfully so," he responded, then kissed her cheek. Half his face still ached, with the burning cut stinging with each twitch of his facial muscles. "Asuka said she'll arrange something. Told me to bring Rei along."

"Oh, Asuka did?" Misato spat out quietly. "I have a few chosen words for that… little lady. Did she say anything about Shinji?"

"Only what you already know. Ow." Kaji fought the urge to grimace when Misato's arm started probing around the cut. "Getting better every day, going out of his way to be romantic and caring, yada yada. Ow."

"It's gonna leave a mark. I swear, one of these days I'll finally put her in her place," Misato said.

"Come on, cut her some slack, will you? God knows she needs it; you know better than anyone how much she tortures herself."

"Yeah, poor Asuka. Pushes him off an overpass, ignores him for seven years, and roasts his ex like a turkey. She's just lucky Shinji loves her so much." Misato pushed him to their room, not before drawing him in a passionate kiss. "Thank you."

"My pleasure, darling," said Ryoji. "How's the baby doing?"

"Happy his papa came back with all his limbs and eyes still attached," she replied. "Now go get me some ramen, and don't be stingy on the hot sauce. I'm hungry."

Ah, yes, the cravings. Of course. "Coming in a minute, my Queen." He offered a mocking bow, glad to hear Rei's deep and even breathing echo through their home. On such quiet, peaceful nights, fighting his own former habit was the hardest. Misato still keeps that bloodied cigarette pack they found next to Shinji. Same brand I used to smoke. Man, can I ever catch a break? Second child on the way, and I can't even celebrate with a good old cigarette.

He smiled, waiting for the water for Misato's cup ramen to boil. "What's one more for old time's sake, anyway?"


The morning after giving Asuka the scarf, her teasing ritual resumed with a vengeance.

Ragged, worn and slightly burnt, the cloth was kept was away from him, yet became the source for all sorts of inquiries. She'd prod for his thought process during each repair, ask about specific patterns in the knitting, and repeatedly point to the sticker that covered the biggest gash.

Shinji saw through the forced playfulness right away. He did not object, and instead played along, letting Asuka unwind and adapt to their new reality at her own pace. The possessive nature of her displays of affection came as no surprise. She would hold his hand or arm in a deadly grip, sneak up from behind when he was cooking and press against him as though he'd disappear any second, and scowl each time before she kissed him.

Maybe one of these days it'll sink into that stubborn head of hers, he thought the following night. I'm not going to push you away, Asuka.

Krista's detailed instructions kept Shinji afloat amidst the array of strange signals, mood swings, and unspoken messages Asuka threw his way. He grasped most of the double meanings, but knew not how to respond without either falling into the bitter sarcasm of the latter years, or stuttering like a fool.

After a week, the struggle against his own misery lessened. A part of him had always suspected Asuka's involvement in Mari's demise. The tension in the apartment disappeared, replaced by an air of eagerness, one even the neighbors noticed.

The day before Toji's graduation found the pair relaxing in Shinji's room. He sat by the window reading a book Jackson had gifted him, while Asuka filled out what looked like some form of report on her laptop. Her legs swung from side to side, entrancing him. That morning, he had been given as much a clean bill of health as could be expected.

He turned the page, stealing a glance at his… girlfriend, and realized he had no clue what the book was about. All Shinji thought about was how good their morning kisses felt, how wonderful it felt to hug Asuka without reason, or how beautiful she was.

"Hmm." Asuka closed the laptop screen and stretched. Her eyes, truly playful for the first time in a week, observed him as she turned on the mattress. "I was reading a study on grip strength," she started. "What are your thoughts on it?"

"Well," Shinji set the book aside, happy to stop pretending to read it. "Masutatsu Ooyama once said weight, times speed, times grip equals destructive force." He presented the clump of scars around his knuckles. "I never really understood that, but Hanayama-kun was always adamant about it."

"Do you know what a tight grip brings to this 'destructive force' equation, idiot?" Asuka inquired, grasping one of his hands. She studied it and pressed over the knuckles, then turned his hand up and down, as though wishing to memorize each cluster of scars. "Solidity," she concluded. "A solid fist will not break onto itself."

I remember Coach saying something like that, Shinji thought. Asuka had a way of being exceedingly gentle whenever she traced a scar of his. Her gaze would remain stoic, solemn or angry. She was smiling, however, blushing slightly as her fingers caressed every cut, every spot where his skin had been seared off. Hmm… this feels nice.

"So… what sort of cool stuff can you do with this superhuman grip?"

Asuka's question woke him from the trance her touch produced. She was looking up at him with an air of anticipation, almost daring him to perform some undisclosed feat of strength.

"Uh." He scratched the jagged cut under his jaw. "Do you have a 500-yen coin anywhere?"

"I do!" he watched in awe as Asuka quickly got to her feet, rummaged through her purse and jumped back into the mattress. "Here, 500 yen. This is a loan, by the way. I want my money back, idiot."

Her energy was so contagious that Shinji smiled as well. He snatched the coin before any complaint on sudden movements was voiced out, and started twisting. The task proved harder than usual given his weakened state. His ribcage and back cried out in pain, but the expectancy in Asuka's gaze overpowered any discomfort.

After a few seconds, the coin took on the appearance of a moist handkerchief. Heh, seven years of squeezing my fists are finally useful for something, Shinji realized. He offered the deformed metal to Asuka, who took it back and stared at it in awe. The impressed, satisfied expression on her features was one he'd never seen before. She almost looks… proud.

"Damn," Asuka whistled, legs still swinging from side to side. "This is pretty impressive! Got any other tricks?"

I wouldn't call them tricks but okay. Shinji pointed to the plastic grip strengthener resting by his nightstand, feeling slightly insulted. "I can squash that thing like an orange."

Storing away the coin in her pocket, Asuka reached for the next victim. She stared at him almost unblinkingly, all traces of guilt and horror gone for the moment. The tiniest frown manifested. "You better not hurt yourself."

"I'll be fine," Shinji growled back. The plastic bent and cracked easily, but the material underneath remained unyielding. "Damn it. I'd forgotten these things are designed to be flexible."

"Having a little trouble there, grand master idiot?" Asuka teased with a sly grin. "You know, Moritz called yesterday. He said all these horrible things to me, and-"

His hand curled, veins bulging out. "He did what?"

"Holy shit, you actually did it! That's crazy!" Asuka took hold of the fist and tried to pry away the broken tool. "I was kidding, idiot!" she clarified when his grip did not relent. "Like that coward would have the guts to call me, hah! He's completely terrified of you, by the way. Like, pissing his pants terrified ever since that Lethwei joke."

"He better be." Shinji took a deep breath and forced his hand to relax. "That was not cool, Asuka." Seeing his complaint fall on deaf ears stirred the old annoyance from seven years before. "My stomach wound is hurting now."

"No, it isn't," she replied, distracted. Something changed in her eyes. Both her hands held onto his own. "You turned that annoying nervous tic of yours into a great strength. No wonder you can cut and dice and cook with broken bones, or life-threatening knife wounds. That's pretty amazing, Shinji."

Wait… was that a compliment? Is she impressed? The anger was quenched in a heartbeat. "It's nothing," he mumbled, still processing the fact that Moritz was likely to wet himself if confronted by him. "I developed this bad habit of hitting things after you left. Doors, tables, walls… people. My hands were swollen and brittle all the time. I couldn't even cook."

"Nothing, huh." Asuka surprised him again by placing a long kiss atop his knuckles. "Years of honing your skills, fighting against yourself and the world, all at once. Years of being completely alone and still refusing to fold, bend or so much as falter as the world tried to bring you down." She sat up and glared deep into his eyes. "Give yourself a little credit, and never refer to your struggle as nothing. Not in my presence, Shinji. To you it may well be, but to me… it's beautiful."

These knots of torn flesh are beautiful to you? How? Shinji fought the urge to snort in derision, nodding instead. "Uhm… thanks?"

"You're welcome, idiot," Asuka said, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I should be the one thanking you. You've been putting up with my shitty mood for a week."

"To be fair, you've put up with mine for months, it's the least I could do," Shinji replied. His forehead rested against hers, eyes closed. "Are you feeling better now?"

All of you, or nothing at all, huh, he thought, drinking in Asuka's scent and warmth. We don't need to say anything. I've seen your innermost thoughts and feelings, just as you've seen mine, and here we are. Seven years later, here we are.

"Yeah." Her thumb brushed against the healed gash above his eyebrow. "Misato really wants to see you."

"I'm aware," he growled next to her ear, feeling a slight tremor run through her body. "She can wait another week. I'm don't want to see anyone but you for the next few days."

Nothing was rushed, no sudden bursts of passion or repressed rage took place. They used every precious second to slowly build comfort within their relationship. There was a lifetime to do everything they wanted, after all.

"Feeling's mutual, idiot," Asuka growled back. Her hold on him turned possessive. "Now, go cook me one of those fancy recipes of yours."


"Ugh, this tastes disgusting."

Krista almost spat out the ramen broth, scowling at the bowl as though it had been the reason for her addictions. "What the fuck is wrong with you, choosing to eat in this shithole? Couldn't you just ask your boyfriend for a recommendation?"

Her eyes narrowed, keen on observing every detail of Asuka's reaction. The redhead blushed and looked away, matching Krista's scowl with one of her own. Hah, still getting used to your dream coming true, huh. I know that feeling.

"I did ask him," Asuka snapped. "He said you like this place. Something about nostalgia?"

"Bah." Krista devoured the noodles despite her complaints. "He and I sat here a few years ago, right after I got clean. This hole was the only place open so late at night, and we were both fucking starving. I come here to remember where I was, where I am, and all that I've been given."

"I'm glad to have eaten lunch before coming here, then. That broth stinks of garlic and chili."

"Yeah. You gotta remind yourself how shit tastes sometimes," she said. "That way you don't go back to eating it."

"Wow, spoken like a true poet," Asuka remarked with a flick of her hair. The way the damned tresses glistened under the sun annoyed Krista. "I guess the idiot learned to curse like a sailor from you, huh."

"Fucking right," she rasped, downing a second serving of the horribly spicy ramen. "Ugh, disgusting gruel. Makes you miss Shinji's miso soup."

"Does it," Asuka hissed. Krista suppressed a smirk. Wrath and possessiveness were subjects she knew too well; they shone in Asuka's glare. "I thought he was always, and I quote 'just a bitter asshole waiting to die'."

"Listen, lioness." Krista crossed her arms and glared at the sky. "I'm not your competitor. I'm not your prey, either, so ease up." She chuckled. "Even at his absolute lowest, I'd always catch glimpses of that person you love so much. That's what all of this is about, right? You want to know if the guy currently taking care of you existed before."

Hah. You're a little like my girlfriend, Soryu. Eyes narrow instead of going wide when you're caught off guard.

"That's not… you're the one who said you wanted to meet, Kimberly." Asuka said.

Krista chortled and almost choked on her water. "He's always been there," she responded. The glare coming her way faded away. "This 'idiot' of yours, just like you suspected. He tried so hard to kill that part of himself, to bury it forever. It was heartbreaking to watch, and for a while there… both Coach and I thought he was succeeding. These flashes would come, though."

"Flashes?" Asuka leaned in. Her gaze turned curious. "What flashes?"

The smirk widened. "Whenever he'd hurt a training partner, for example. You've seen his rage in the videos, but what they don't show you is how he snaps out of it." Krista sighed, recalling the horror in Shinji's face. "He was already transitioning into 'asshole mode' when I fell into the deep end of my addiction, and still… he saved me. Crawled right into hell to pull me out. He gave me a tiny bit of that affection he so selfishly reserves for you and Misato."

"Okay, so that's two ways." Asuka crossed her arms. "Got anything else?"

Oh, do I. But you're not getting all of it, lioness. You'll have to fight for it.

"Hmm, how about when he asked you where you were planning to sleep, right after you made yourself at home at his house? Ah." Krista raised a hand. "Don't get the wrong idea there. You were out of his life for seven fucking years. I wasn't. He talks to me about stuff he doesn't know how to deal with. Get over it."

"Fuck you," Asuka spat. Krista only smiled wider after the anger succumbed, quenched by the curiosity. "Stuff like what? What could he possibly need to talk about with you?"

"Eh, depends. Addiction, the shakes and itches. Things that help keep them in check. We talk fighting, music," she replied with ease. "Women." Asuka's eyebrow twitched. "Well, one woman to be specific. Bet you know her pretty well."

"What do you mean by one… you know what? It's not my business." Asuka stated with a disgruntled sigh. Sadness clouded her gaze. "You're like his best friend."

"Not 'like', lioness," corrected Krista. "I am his best friend. Well, I was. Now that you're here… I guess I'm just the consigliere."

She could almost see the gears turning in Asuka's head at every little piece of new information. You already know almost everything, Krista mused. Almost. Work for it, come on. Otherwise this isn't fun, and I can go back to pestering your boyfriend. Which reminds me.

"Anyway, have you two fucked already?"

Asuka almost choked on her lemonade. She coughed, glaring through Krista's skull, and turned away while the skin on her face flushed. "… No," she said. "We're taking things slow. We haven't really… fooled around or anything."

"Yeah, bet it's hard," Krista muttered. "You ever see that whore Mari when you kiss him?" Asuka was taken aback, but nodded nonetheless. "He probably has the same problem, especially after that piece of shit sent those pictures."

"How do you know about that?" Asuka demanded.

"Eh, doesn't take a genius to realize Shinji saw some very horrible shit," she elaborated. "If it pushes him to choke on a bottle of rum, it's gotta be because of you. Listen, you two have actually been somewhat of a a couple for all these years, not in the normal sense, of course. But," Krista's fists clashed. "you're bonded. You've seen the innermost parts of Shinji's mind, and he did the same. Nobody else in the world is going to understand you to that degree."

"So we've been dating for seven years while I did my best to ignore him? That's ridiculous," Asuka muttered.

"Is it?" Krista shrugged. "You've kept tabs on him, he's done the same. Of course it's going to hurt whenever you two start getting closer. You've spent years separated from each other, never been in an actual relationship, and now you both have the trauma of having been with someone else."

"Keh." Asuka sipped the cold ramen and grimaced. "Was that cheating?"

"Nah, but it comes close. I have similar situations with my girlfriend," she added. "Before we started dating, I did some pretty nasty things. Sometimes she remembers those things, and gets very sad."

"I see this agony in his eyes sometimes," Asuka revealed in a whisper. "He's still processing what I did to Mari, but… sometimes he'll just look at me with such intensity that all I can do is challenge him back."

"That's what he wants." The pair rose from the table and set about walking through the abandoned buildings in their vicinity. "He wants his Asuka to growl and bite and tease him. He wants Asuka, the good and the bad. He wants to take all of you for himself. All of it, from the tip of your toes, to the last strand of hair."

"Yeah, no shit, Katherine," grumbled Asuka. "Sometimes when he kisses me… I can't help but wonder if that's how he kissed Hikari, or you."

"Well, allow me to disprove that theory." Krista pointed at the apartment complex where Shinji had found her. "Dry pecks at best, with Hikari too, I saw it. He'd very rarely hold her hand, rarer still that he'd accept a hug from me, Mari or Hikari. Every time I tried, his body would cramp up. I saw him flinch whenever Mari touched him. Does he flinch when you touch him?"

"Not really," Asuka replied, kicking a pebble off the way. "He used to when I first got here, but… uhm… we started sleeping in the same bed after a few days."

"See? You have nothing to worry about." Krista crossed her arms and gave the building a long, hateful glare. "Shinji told me about the letter." Asuka rolled her eyes and muttered to herself. "Only you. Only Shinji. Those words mean everything to him. So, stop worrying, lioness. Let him come out of that disgusting fucking armor of his, bit by bit. Oh, and be ready to retaliate when his restraint breaks."

Asuka's feet came to a halt. "Restraint?" she asked. The girl's voice wavered for the first time. "What are you talking about?"

Krista reduced the distance between them, grinning from ear to ear. "Imagine starving for seven years, and finally being granted the meal you've desired for so long," she muttered. "I bet he looks at you like you're the juiciest steak in the world."

"T-That's none of your god damn business!" Asuka turned and started walking away. "Ugh, what a way to waste time. Thanks for nothing, Khalilah."

"Whatever, lioness," Krista waved at the woman's back. It's fun to see you freaking out like a teenager, she thought. Can't wait until that dumbass loses control and claims you as his.


I hope this works.

Toji's unwillingness to drink around Shinji was commendable. The freshly graduated physician bellowed his victory to the winds, he danced with Sakura all through the half-empty living room, hoisted the diploma into the air several times, and even mustered up the courage to envelop Hikari in a fierce embrace.

The table overflowed with various dishes, some brought by Hikari, most prepared by either her or Shinji. Curry, steaks, onigiri and sushi were the first to disappear, which elicited great satisfaction in her chest. The idiot taught me how to do that curry, she mused, stifling a laugh after Toji went to the balcony and started screaming profanities to the sky.

Shinji stayed very close to her. His fingers trembled slightly, trying to find a way to not discomfort her while his arm hovered in between her shoulders and hip. God damn idiot, thought Asuka. She grabbed his hand and planted it firmly on her hip, making sure to press both their fingers into her skin. Take it. Take it all. It's yours. It's always been, and will forever be yours.

"You sure?" he asked. The solidity of his hold sent shivers all through her body. "Let me know if I go overboard."

"No, I won't," she whispered back, chuckling. "Figure it out for yourself, idiot."

"Don't be mean." Shinji tried to steal a kiss, but Asuka moved away at the last second. "Oh, come on."

"You like it when I'm mean. Don't lie to yourself, Shinji."

Shinji's hold turned almost painful, igniting a pit of scalding lava in her lower abdomen. "I like it when you're you," he growled into her ear. "Doesn't mean I miss how you used to bitch at me for no reason."

"Hey, that tickles," she growled back, and leaned in for a brief but fierce kiss. "I'm always me, Shinji. Threw away that mask of mine years ago, just like you're shedding that stupid armor you covered yourself in."

"Stupid, unnecessary, unnatural and annoying fucking armor!" Toji added. "Man, I never actually thought I'd see you two spooning like that."

"Isn't it a sight for sore eyes?" Hikari said, smiling. "Seven years, but we finally get to tease you two! The newlyweds are back at last!"

"Newlyweds, newlyweds!" Sakura exclaimed. She gazed at the pair with dreamy eyes. "I wish one day I'll meet my soulmate like you!"

"S-Soulmate?" Asuka's face colored vermilion. She tried to separate from Shinji, to no avail. "Why do you stooges always have to make things awkward?"

"Eh, give it a rest, Soryu," Toji replied as he wolfed down three onigiri in quick succession. "Keeping tabs on each other, getting each other gifts, writing letters like two love-struck teenagers. All of that, for seven fucking years. Just own it, already. You're both adults."

"Can we please get back to celebrating your graduation, Toji?" Shinji interjected. He failed to realize how alike his younger self he sounded. "Have you thought of any specialization you want to pursue?"

"The only thing I want to pursue right now is making you two uncomfortable," he retorted, gorging himself on the last remnants of curry. "And possibly grovel at Hikari's feet a while."

"Screw you, monkey." Asuka faced her boyfriend and planted a solid, long kiss on his lips. Shinji was quick to retaliate. They separated after a few seconds, gasping for breath. Both glared at the trio laughing by the table. "There. Satisfied now?"

"Not even close." Hikari was next to jump in. "Say, Shinji, does Asuka still wear that ugly scarf you made?"

Frustration boiled into anger within Asuka's ribcage. It is not ugly! It has charm, personality and history! And it's comfortable to wear!

"I tried to keep it for myself," Shinji answered, stealing her chance to retort. "It was a cold night, you know? But she simply waltzed over to me and took it saying, and I quote, 'this is mine now'. I did my best to keep the rag hidden."

"That is bullshit," Asuka retorted. Her forefinger poked at Shinji's chest. "You made this big reveal of that wooden box where you kept the scarf, flaunted it in my face, and had the gall to just walk away while wearing my present!"

For fuck's sake, she thought as her gaze drifted to the group. They're making me act like a freaking teenager!

"See, she's already acting like she owns him or something," commented Toji after a moment of tense silence. "Better put a ring on it soon, Shinji."

"W-A ring?" Shinji's arm left her frame, forcing a bizarre chill to course through her skin. "We're in our early twenties… a-and we just stared dating. I mean… ah…. Go to hell, man! You don't get to tell me what to do!"

"Just started dating, yeah right." The stooge collapsed on the couch, his stomach swollen from the feast. "See that, Soryu? He stuttered, then tried to be a dick and failed, old and new in a perfect balance. Huzzah."

With a heartbeat that refused to settle and Shinji's touch no longer restraining her anger, Asuka flipped Toji off and stalked back to the kitchen to hide just how red her face had become. The dream resurfaced at full force. A golden sparkle on her finger, golden as the sun, bright as the confidence and strength in Shinji's eyes.

A loud slap cut through the silence like a blade.

"Ass," Hikari reprimanded. "Oops," she said, faking an embarrassed giggle. "Sorry, Toji. That came out of nowhere, didn't it? Totally unrelated to what you said, by the way."

The sound of Shinji's laughter graced Asuka's ears again. She closed her eyes to enjoy it, the crisp, almost shy chuckles which were so rare, and so precious. She stole a side glance to confirm Toji was holding the left side of his face, looking positively dejected, while both his sister and Hikari stared down at him.

"Don't look at me like I'm supposed to help," Shinji said in between laughs. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

"So true," Sakura conceded, then smacked the back of her brother's head as hard as she could. "I hope Hikari never stops punishing you, maybe then you'll learn to keep your big mouth shut."

"This is what I get after years of effort through academics, corpses and blood," Toji grumbled. Asuka could keep the mirth hidden no longer, and started laughing as well. "You bunch of… good friends and family."

About god damn time the monkey learned, Asuka thought whilst walking back to Shinji, and taking a hold of his hand. A ring would be nice, though. She blinked. What.

"What is it?" Shinji offered an uncertain smile, his voice low and hot near her earlobe. "You were looking a little shocked, there."

Oh, nothing. Just realizing I'm twenty-two and would accept in a heartbeat if you ever proposed marriage to me. Her skin cooled at the realization, only to bristle after Shinji leaned in even closer. Stop that! Your breath tickles!

"Asuka?"

"I'm fine," she said. The bell rang. Thank God. "Let's go see who's at the door."

The couple moved away from the living room, where Toji continued to be roasted without mercy. Asuka breathed deep. There was one more burning maelstrom she wanted to quench before informing Shinji of their upcoming trip to Europe. One more horrible thing you did, Asuka. One more black sin he's probably gonna forgive you for, one more thing you don't deserve.

Shinji gave her another curious glance before the door hissed open. A second afterwards, a weigh worse than Lilith's presence befell her, their visitors and the entire building. Something compressed her breathing, like a fist curling inside her ribs. The air felt thick, more like a liquid that threatened to drown her, and everybody else in the city.

Asuka heard the bones of Shinji's other hand crunch. He looked at her, doing his best not to glare and failing miserably. "What the hell is this?" his voice was cavernous, deadly, driving a chill down her spine. "What do you think you're doing?"

"What?" she replied, nonchalant. "We're at a sizable distance from your house. He's Toji's friend, and mine as well."

"Is that so." Shinji hissed. His gaze fixed on the newcomer. "Kensuke."

"Hey there, guys! Great to see you!" Kensuke exclaimed. Asuka noticed he was trembling with dread. "I thought I'd swing by and extend my congratulations to our resident monk-"

Shinji's free hand curled around the bespectacled man's shirt and started dragging both him and Asuka away from the apartment. "Let's take a walk," he said, leaving no room for dispute. "I'm not making any sudden movements; I don't want to hear it."

"Hear what?" Asuka inquired, feigning complete innocence as she walked next to him. "I invited Kensuke over. It'd be great if you don't brutalize my guest."

"Uhm, guys?" Kensuke almost tripped twice. Shinji did not spare him a second glance and instead tightened the hold on his shirt. "I haven't even seen Toji."

Shinji's eyes narrowed to hateful slits. "Nor will you. Not tonight."

To Be Continued…


AN: Hi! My revising team suggested I split this baby in half to gib the reader a lil time to breathe and such, so I did! No worries, next chap is already uploaded as well! Feel free to leve a review in this ot the next one! Thank you so much for your time!

PEACE.