Chapter 30: Interim


I woke up in his arms again. This time the candles hadn't burnt out. So, I couldn't have been asleep for long. The fact that I wasn't most likely meant that he was still awake. I tried to fall asleep again but to no avail. I was trying to think about anything else, but the words echoed in my mind.

"I love you."

They repeated in my mind over and over. My heart pounded in my chest. It was starting to hit me now. We'd told each other how we felt. Now we had to deal with what comes after. I would have to face him every day until whatever happens. What were we? What did this all mean? I felt him pull me closer. He kissed the top of my head, and I smiled.

"You knew I was awake."

"Of course. He'd said. "You can't hide anything from me."

"What now?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, what do we do now? Or do for now anyway."

"Enjoy this free time until we reach our destination I suppose. We will not have a moment to breathe. With what is about to come. For now, breathe while you can."

I couldn't help but wonder what he looked like; God. Of course, there were various paintings of what people perceived him to look like, but no one knew for sure. Could we beat him? This omnipotent being? Sesshomaru's other sibling… these other celestial beings were coming. What if these other Gods did not want to help us? All this thinking was starting to make my head hurt. I sighed, trying to scoot closer to him. I was close but that wasn't enough. I wanted to be closer.

"Any closer and you will be under my skin." He'd said.

I could hear the amusement in his voice.

"Very funny."

"My back is against the wall, there is no more space."

"Well, find more." I joked.

"Hn."

"This is nice," I said. "Despite your father wanting to kidnap me or possibly kill me, and my ex-husband if who isn't my husband but sort of is. Laying here with you is nice."

"You did not enjoy it before," he said.

I smiled. "Of course not. You were a jerk before."

He chuckled. "Hn, fair enough. Try your best to push it from your mind."

"I can't. It's all I can think about. What going to happen when your father and the rest of your siblings come here? What will happen to the earth? How many people are going to die, just because they want to get their hands on me? On top of that, we have no idea what Izanagi is planning either. I feel like I'm trapped in a room and the walls are closing in on me. This is all happening because of me. The fate of the world is resting on my shoulders. I sometimes feel like things would have been if I hadn't been brought back at all." I said whispering the last part.

His arm tightened around me. "On our shoulders. I do not want you to ever say something like that again. I cannot fathom that there is any force in this world that did not want to give you life. For me, all of this would mean nothing if you were not here. To me, the only reason all of this exists is so that I could have met you. So, please. I am begging you. Do not ever say anything like that again. If it is anyone's fault Izanagi is to blame, for his selfish actions. However, it was his actions that led me to you. You were the silver lining in all this I guess."

I rubbed my eyes, trying o fight the tears. "Thank you."

He stroked my hair. "Of course. I will protect you with my life. I promise you that."

I smiled. "What if I have to protect you?"

He chuckled. "Then we shall protect each other."

"How romantic." I joked.

"Yes, i am quite the casanova. Shakespeare cannot hold a candle to me."

I laughed, and we lay there in silence, but then my mind did what it did best. It ran wild. I couldn't just enjoy what time I had until we reached wherever we were going. I felt restless.

"Calm yourself." I heard him say.

"I'm trying."

"Try harder."

"Can you tell me something?"

"Anything."

"What is it like? Heaven I mean. I spent the majority of my life thinking that it was this made-up place... and what does your father look like? If you don't mind me asking."

I heard him sigh. "My father looks exactly as I do, but just older in a way. I was made in his exact image. Inuyasha and are the two who look the most like him. The others do not. As for heaven, it is not as humans describe it to be. All those hopes and dreams of peace, love, and community with other saints. It is all a lie. It is not this silver city, with bustling streets. Of flying beings and neverending happiness. When you die everything that you have ever wanted or deserved in life, will not be waiting there for you once you. That is not how it works. In truth, it is a quiet place. This unsettling silence of nothingness. So silent that you heard the rush of your blood in your veins. A silence that is so madding. There is no wind, there are no birds, no grass, and no flowers because nothing ever grows there. There are no living things besides my father and the offspring that he has sired. This light that just exists nonstop does, and it does not feel like the sun. It feels artificial. It does not warm your skin. There are no souls in heaven. It is not meant for them. That is just some farce some fool came up with to explain something that he did not understand, and others went along with it because it is easier to pretend; because not knowing is more frightening than anything. Heaven is simply my father's domain, a place where he resides. His throne, where he can rule, and hide from all things that he will never admit frightens him. It is a prison that confines him and his children. Nothing more. Humans have nothing to look forward to after death."

It sounded so drab and disappointing. I felt sorry for everyone who thought that they were going to this perfect afterlife.

"I am sorry to disappoint you, but that is all there is to it."

"That isn't true. They do have something to look forward to. There are all these other after-lives we do not know about. I haven't seen them, but there's the Yomi and there is you. I've seen firsthand how you care for all of these souls. While it is a little dated, they are still able to live out their afterlife in peace. As weird as it may sound, Hell is the real Heaven I suppose. I would go as far as to say you are what God is supposed to be. It's so sad, people see you as this monster when actually you're the good one."

He seemed shocked by what I said. His shock eventually faded and turned into a smile.

"I guess I never looked at it that way. Thank you."

I smiled. "You're welcome."