Chapter 46

Cersei Lannister POV

It's Saturday, and Jaime and I are going to talk after he gets home from basketball practice. I'm just writing in bed, I feel like that's the only way I can process what I'm feeling. Jaime walks into my room, and we just look at each other. I know we're waiting for the other person to start the conversation, but this is just awkward.

"So?" I ask him.

"What?" He responds.

"I guess we should talk about our situation."

"Okay," Jaime says, taking a deep breath. He sits on the bed. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to keep the baby," I say without hesitation. "I don't think there's anything else I could do."

There's a pause. I think that surprises him. I know everyone thinks I'm just selfish and crazy, but being a mom is something I've always wanted. I know I'll feel like I have a purpose and I'm worth something if I have a baby.

"Okay," Jaime says. "I know I can't talk you out of a decision if you've already made it. Who will you say the father is?"

"Is there a reason I can't say you?"

"Cersei," he looks at me. "You know you can't do that. We'll be shunned by the community, father won't help us, it's not an option. Plus, are you sure I am the father?"

"I'm positive," I snap at him. "Why would you even ask me that?"

"Because you just broke up with Euron," he's getting heated. "It's a fair question."

I guess he's right, but I know it's his. He's the only one I've taken any risks with, and Euron and i barely had sex. "It's yours," I say. "But I guess I can say it's Euron's." Jaime's right about what he said. I couldn't care less about what people think, but I know Lannister money will be very helpful to me in keeping this baby.

"You're okay lying to everyone?" Jaime asks me.

"People will think it's yours no matter what," I say. "If I don't say who the father is, it'll look even more suspicious. I wish we could be public."

"I know, but you know I'm right," Jaime responds. I just nod. "I'll be here for you through everything." He comes over to me, gives me a kiss and a hug, and walks out of the room. I'll tell Euron soon, but I need to figure out how I'm going to bring it up. I can't believe this is happening to me. I always pictured having Jaime's children, but I always saw it being much further down the line. I've never been so scared in my whole life.

Jon Snow Stark POV

I'm driving Ygritte home from rock climbing practice on Monday, and the thought won't get out of my head that we aren't a good fit together. She's beautiful and funny and independent, but I feel like she doesn't understand my life or the things I have to deal with. And I was right in my assumption that having a girlfriend would just take away time I need for school and my family.

"Are you okay?" She asks me. "You've been really distant lately."

"Yeah, everything's fine," I respond. "Just stressed out about school and family." Not that she would no anything about that or even care.

I help her bring her stuff in, and of course she starts making out with me. We take off our clothes and lay on the bed. As we're about to get down to business and I'm naked on top of her, I realize I can't do this.

"Ygritte," I say, stopping. "I can't do this."

"What's wrong?" She asks me.

"I can't be with you anymore." There's a pause. It feels like the longest silence of my life.

"Why?" She asks.

"I was worried that dating in high school would take away time from other things I need to focus on, like my family and school. I was right. I like you, but I think you deserve more."

There's a long silence. "I guess Tormund was right about you," Ygritte says.

"What are you talking about?"

"He said guys at Winterfell just get what they want and leave, and I didn't listen."

"Ygritte, that's not it."

"Just get dressed and get out." I don't blame her for being upset, but what she's saying isn't true and I don't know how she could think that. I really did and still do like her, this just isn't for me anymore.

Ygritte Giantsbane POV

I'm crying in my room when I hear Tormund walk in. I'm not sure where he goes after rock climbing practice, but I was greatful for the alone time Jon and I would get. I guess that's not happening anymore. I really do like him, and he dumped me right before Valentine's day and my 16th birthday. Both are less than a month away.

I wipe my eyes before Tormund walks by. I would shut the door, but then he'd definitely know something's up. I think he still hears me sniffling, because he stops in my doorway.

"What's wrong?" Tormund asks me.

"Jon Snow broke up with me," I respond. He sits next to me on the bed and puts his arm around me to comfort me. "What are you going to say, 'I told you so'?" He was always warning me about Jon.

"Maybe a little," Tormund says. "But I really just want to make sure you're okay."

"I really thought I was falling in love with him."

"I know, but I always felt like you deserved better. He's pretty, but you're fierce and strong. You're going to be just fine."

I lay my head on Tormund's shoulder. "Thanks."

I know he's right, but it still sucks a lot. Jon is the first guy I've seriously dated. The others were just friends with benefits. I hope he grows up and decides what he wants. If I'm going to be with anyone, it's going to be someone secure in themselves, which he's definitely not. I'll get over this, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

Jaime Lannister POV

I can't believe Cersei is pregnant. I feel bad for questioning if it's mine, but I feel like that's reasonable. We were mostly careful, and I wasn't even sure if I could get her pregnant. I didn't think that was likely. I told her I would support whatever she wanted to do because that's the right thing ro say, but she would terminate if it were up to me. It's not up to me, though, and I realize that.

I told her she should get on birth control more than once, but she didn't want to. That was her choice, but I feel like saying "I told you so" to her. I know that won't help. I'm glad she agreed to say Euron is the father. I love her and I want to be able to be there for her in every way possible, but I know it will be safer for our entire family if we lie about who the father is.

Tyrion and I are watching TV in the TV room, when suddenly he asks me, "Are you okay? You've been really quiet lately, and you seem stressed." I think he can tell something's up. I can't keep this from Tyrion, even though I know Cersei wants me to. He's going to find out eventually.

"Cersei's pregnant," I say quietly after a long pause. "She found out a couple days ago."

"Woah, what?" He asks, a little too loudly. "Is it yours?" He asks the second question so nonchalantly, because it's so normal to him that we have this relationship. He's gotten used to it, it's our family's biggest open secret.

I just nod. "Yes," I say. "She's positive it's mine."

"Damn", is all Tyrion can say. "Does she know what she's going to do?"

"She wants to keep it. She's going to tell Euron it's his."

Tyrion takes a deep breath.

"Please don't tell father," I continue. "We'll figure out how to tell him. We just need time."

"I won't," Tyrion responds. "He wouldn't believe me anyway." He's right. Father may not care much what Cersei and I do, but he cares even less about Tyrion. He wouldn't notice if Tyrion dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow.

We may have a lot of money, but I'd trade that for a loving and non-toxic home any day. The Starks seem so close, I wish my family could just love each other, or at the very least get along. Cersei and my unborn child are my main priority, I will make sure their lives are filled with as much love as I can give.