AN: Sorry I took a few days break lol! xD Finally beat this damn sickness though. :D So I am ready to get back at it with some beefy chapters! :D
"Hey! Thank you for coming!"
Lauriam gave Xikira a small smile and a nod as he entered her room; Elrena rolled her eyes and set her hand on her hip.
"So, what brilliant idea do you have for us today?" Elrena asked lightly. "Or, tonight, I should say, because you have absolutely no appreciation for the concept of time..." she added under her breath.
Xikira looked from one to the other. She smiled, putting her hands together at her waist. "I want us...to go out to Twilight Town as friends together! To eat at one of the restaurants - and maybe...do a little bit of shopping too? Just a few minutes, in and out..."
Elrena's mouth fell open, her hand slipping from her body. "You want us to what now?"
Lauriam gave another nod - another smile. "I suppose I wouldn't have any objection to that. Elrena...?"
Elrena struggled. She moved her lips silently. She let out a long woosh of air. "Sure, why not?" she finally said. "It's not like I have anything else going on in my life."
Xikira beamed. "Thank you!"
"Don't mention it," Elrena said dryly. "Seriously."
"Annnd since we're all going to go out together, why don't we get dressed up?" Xikira went on quickly. "Screw the Organization, screw the coats!" she added fiercely, holding Elrena's gaze.
Elrena stared back at her. She glanced at Lauriam. Then, she grinned. "Oooh, look at you with these big brain ideas lately - 'kay, I'll be back! This is going to be good..." She threw out her hand and disappeared into a dark corridor without another word.
Xikira hurried over to her desk, pushing the chair aside and reaching for the folded and stacked clothing items she had there. Her various outfits.
She picked a purple and black gown, with long bell sleeves on it. As she straightened up with satisfaction in her chest, she heard swift footsteps and then the sound of her door opening. She turned to see Lauriam striding out of her room.
"Where are you going?" she called out, frowning.
"I'm giving you your privacy," came his smooth, simple response.
"But...I don't need 'privacy.'"
"Yes you do - just call me back in when you're finished changing." Lauriam shut the door with a snap.
Xikira stared at the door. Then she shook her head and started changing her clothes.
Why was everyone so weird about this privacy stuff?
It was just kind of annoying at this point...
Wouldn't everything be so much easier and faster if she could just do these things without all the extra steps?
Really, what was the problem with people seeing each other without clothing on? It wasn't like they didn't all look the same, more or less. There wasn't any big secret being kept. Xikira had already seen lots of people without clothes in her memory explorations, and she didn't know what was so special about it. It was just skin and body features.
Xikira didn't get it at all.
Just when she'd finished changing her clothes, Elrena came striding back out of her portal again into Xikira's bedroom.
Elrena was wearing the dress she'd bought before! The red and black one, with the straps and slits all over it - and that big diamond-shaped hole in the chest area. It looked snug and tight on her. The hem hardly went past her butt. "Hmmm..." Elrena hummed as she looked Xikira up and down. She tilted her head at her. Furrowed her brows. Then she smiled. "Not the most terrible look in the world for you - even if you do look like you're trying to fit in at some medieval festival..."
"Thanks!" Xikira beamed. "You look amazing too! That look...totally fits you!"
"It does, doesn't it?" Elrena paused. "Thanks," she said at last, in warm tones. "Anyways...where did Lauriam disappear to?" she added, glancing around.
Xikira pointed at the door. "He said he was giving me privacy."
Elrena tilted her head. Then she nodded. "Glad we have nothing to worry about there when it comes to him..."
What?! Even her?!
Maybe it was just part of Elrena's whole "being nicer" promise, though...
Elrena cleared her throat, setting her hand on a hip and tossing her hair back, her eyes going to the door. "Hey! Pretty and Pink - get in here so we can show off how incredible we look!" she shouted out suddenly.
The door opened, and Lauriam stepped in again. He stopped, his eyes taking Elrena in. Then, Xikira.
"Well, you both certainly look...fit for the occasion," he murmured, a strange look crossing his face - along with a pink color in his cheeks!
"And you still look the same," Elrena retorted. "Boring in black..."
"We should get you a new outfit too," Xikira told Lauriam excitedly.
Lauriam blinked at her. He turned his head aside, that pink tinge deepening. "I'll be fine as I am, for now. If ever we do succeed in our shared goal...then, I'll change my wardrobe as freely as I please, of course. When I'll have the freedom to do so..."
"Okay," Xikira accepted.
"Boring - yawn," Elrena said, faking a yawn. She twisted at the hips, then arched her back, her eyes narrowing at Lauriam. "This is a breath of fresh air, let me tell you! Dresses aren't even my style. Skirts, sure - full on dresses? No. Buuuut...this one...it's going to be my exception."
"Aren't you glad we went shopping now?" Xikira giggled.
Elrena waved a hand, rolling her eyes. But she smiled. "One-time thing - it'll never happen again. Though, yes, I am...glad."
"I'm happy for you."
"And you're sure you feel happy?" Elrena responded.
"Hm?" Lauriam looked between them, curious.
"Xikira thinks we can actually still feel emotions," Elrena told him with a shrug. "According to little miss memory expert, the things we feel aren't actually echoes or tricks of memory - they're the real deal. She thinks that Xemnas is lying to us about that, along with everything else, as a way of controlling us. Making us doubt ourselves or whatever."
"That...is an interesting theory - and not one without merit, I suppose," Lauriam said slowly, gazing at Xikira keenly now. "If we can't trust Xemnas's word on anything else, why not that little fact as well? You're correct that if we were all convinced that what we feel isn't real, but memories of feeling, then we'd be less inclined to question things. To disobey. To...revolt. Emotionless husks have no motivation, after all..."
"You know it has to be true, don't you?" Xikira said. "What about...back in that Corona world, when we were together, and...were you faking it when I held your hand? Or- are you faking your distress whenever your sister even comes up at all? Do you think the things you feel in there-" She pointed to his chest. "-are all just fake? Tricks? Don't they feel every bit as real as what you felt before, as a human with a Heart? And if they are the same, then how can they be different? What is the difference? So...we can still feel emotions, and Xemnas is a fucking liar. He wants us to not trust ourselves. What we feel inside!"
Lauriam nodded, his hand going to his chest. "You know, Xikira...I think you might be absolutely right. If we cannot trust ourselves, well...I trust myself. No, I was not faking that day we spent together. I have not faked anything I've ever felt for my sister, even now. The blooming emotions in my...Heart...are as real and true as they've always been! My feelings for her, my dear Strelitzia, have never changed; they're the same as they've always been!"
"Well, isn't that great for you - but it means I am totally just a bitch," Elrena groaned, covering her face with her hands. "On the other hand, if we are still feeling people..." Her hands fell to reveal a smirking face, and glinting green eyes.
"What?" Xikira asked.
"Let's get this evening started!" Elrena declared excitedly.
Lauriam narrowed his eyes at her, though a smile played across his lips now. "Do I dare ask what has you so-"
"Better to not!" Elrena cut him off, laughing high and free. She created a new portal, then seized Xikira's hand and pulled her through it.
"Wait, I don't have my munny!" Xikira cried.
"Fear not - I'll bring it for you," Lauriam called after her.
Xikira felt relieved (even if she was still a little afraid of what had Elrena so excited).
Elrena and Xikira stumbled out of the portal, appearing in a dark, narrow, winding alley in Twilight Town. Lauriam joined them a moment later.
"Alright, now, how much munny do we all have here tonight?" Lauriam spoke, as he reached into his coat and handed Xikira her munny pouch.
"Well, I didn't get very much on my last few missions..." Xikira admitted, taking her pitifully light pouch in hand and holding it at her waist.
"I'm sure I have more than enough to cover the costs of whatever you wish to buy," Lauriam told her, setting a hand on her shoulder. "Truthfully, I've begun collecting munny as well recently."
"You have? Why?" Xikira said, curious.
Lauriam smiled at her in a way that was almost mysterious. "It's more long term thinking - not the immediate wants of desserts and belle outfits, but to prepare for the day we...take our leave. We're going to need all the munny we can get if we're to make our way in these worlds as...free beings."
Xikira's face grew hot as she looked down at her feet. "I never even thought about that..."
"Don't worry about it. Thinking about the future will be my job," Lauriam told her, with a small laugh. He let her go and straightened up. "And your munny?" he said to Elrena.
Xikira's eyes widened as Elrena raised a hand and plunged it down the neckline of her dress. Her hand emerged clutching a hefty munny pouch of her own. "I never thought about carrying things like that, either..." Xikira gasped.
"Of course you haven't: you're a twig," Elrena snickered. "I, on the other hand..." She trailed off, her gaze going to Lauriam.
"What...?" Lauriam said slowly, confusion on his face.
"Don't you have anything to say to me?"
"Such as...?"
Elrena let out a growl, showed him her middle finger, then turned on the spot and stalked away.
"That was weird," Xikira remarked quietly.
"Yes, it was, wasn't it?" Lauriam said, just as quiet. There was that flush to his cheeks again! "Anyways - come, Xikira. Let's find a place to eat."
"What are you doing?" Lauriam said quietly.
Xikira watched Elrena as the woman snatched up her latest drink (a drink that both her and Lauriam had said Xikira couldn't have), threw her head back, and downed it all in one go. Again! Elrena smacked her glass down on the table, a smirk coming to her lips. "I'm going to turn myself into a drunken, emotional wreck! Because I'm capable of that, according to the expert!" Elrena said loudly, jabbing a finger at Xikira across the table.
Lauriam's eyes widened. Her gave a half chuckle, a small smile of uncertainty. "That...wouldn't be wise, Elrena. If you were to make a public spectacle of yourself, word might get back to the Organization about the three of us being here like this."
"So what? I have years of built up, emotional catharsis to unload!" Elrena said back. "So shut up, sit back, and let me get it aaaallllll out!"
"I'm sure there will be time for that later," Lauriam said, sympathetic but firm.
"Oh, I think there's time for it now." She raised a hand to a passing waiter. "Hey - I'd like a full bottle of this stuff, please. Enough with the shots!"
The waiter nodded and hurried off.
"Elrena..." Lauriam said through his teeth, exasperated.
"Okay, look, if you and Xikira don't want to get caught up in this - just leave!" Elrena told him. "Shoo, go on! Go back to the castle! But I'm keeping my ass planted right here! Because I am going to do this. It isn't as if Xemnas would care if a lone member went off and got drunk off her ass, would he? Problem solved, no risk to either of you two. So go on, run along now...! Toodles, bitches!"
"What does all of this 'drunk' stuff mean?" Xikira asked. She thought she'd heard something about it before - maybe...during those island festivals of Kairi's? And the scent of Elrena's drinks even smelled kind of familiar...a memory somewhere...
Lauriam sighed. "It means...that you and I are leaving early. Come, Xikira." He pushed back his chair.
"Why?" Xikira challenged, remaining in her seat. She had finished eating by now, and it had been one of the tastiest things ever, even if it had made her really full, but...she didn't want to leave Elrena!
"Because Elrena is clearly set on doing this for herself - so we, as her friends, are going to let her do it," Lauriam said simply. He gazed at Elrena, frowning. "Just don't say or do anything that would actually implicate us...in anything at all."
"I'd never be that loose-lipped!" Elrena glowered.
"Mmm...very well." Lauriam gave a nod, gesturing to Xikira. He hesitated, then held out his hand to her. "Please..."
Xikira glared, then sighed and stood finally. She went to take his hand. "She's not going to hurt herself or anything like that, is she?" she asked, as they started off across the restaurant for the exit.
"No. It's...because of the hurt inside her that she feels the need to go through with this," Lauriam said quietly, as they moved out into cool night air and open streets. "The hurt that, up until now, she never believed she could ever truly feel."
"Maybe it's my fault for convincing her, then..." Xikira whispered, guilt rising in her chest now.
"No one is at fault," Lauriam said kindly, squeezing her hand a little. "Well, someone surely is, but it's not you," he amended.
That made Xikira feel better. A little, anyways.
After their return to the castle, Xikira was on her stomach on her bed, drawing, and talking with Lauriam about random things - but things she was interested in. Things from Kairi's memories, mostly: school, friends, family, parents, different kinds of sports and music...beach activities...
Anything that entered her mind, really.
"Do you think I'm...a bad sister?"
"Hm?" Lauriam looked up at her from where he lay on the floor, his hands behind his head.
Xikira tapped her pencil to her drawing (an image of Kairi, Sora, and Riku together on the small island, working on a raft at sunset). She huffed and pushed her hair out of her eyes. "To Roxas," she clarified. "Am I being a bad sister to him? I don't talk to him every day like you, Elrena, or even Xigbar. I only hung out with him once. And...shouldn't it be different - if we're family?"
Lauriam sat up, frowning deeply. His eyes shone with concern. "No," he said softly. "Every family is different. Just because you share blood, or genetics, or - in your case - a decidedly different kind of origin...doesn't mean you need be the best of friends."
"But, you and your sister, weren't you-"
Lauriam's expression became pained, his hand raising to her. He breathed, and his face relaxed. His hand fell into his lap. The other joined it there, grasping his own fingers tightly. "To tell the truth...as dearly as I loved her, I...don't think I was a good enough brother to her, myself. We were, more often than not, apart from each other - like yourself and Roxas. We were each...concerned with our own tasks, our own missions. We...partied up with others rather than one another. Part of it was that I- I suppose I was rather overprotective of her, even if I believed in her abilities to far surpass my own...but..."
He sighed, his hand rising to cover his face. His head fell, his hair hanging. "Whenever she would ask me to team up with her, I'd tell her no," he said humorously, his shoulders shaking. His hand fell away, and he gazed at Xikira with a shaky grin. "I didn't want my little sister hanging on to me like that, you see? That's the mark of an awful sibling. Being too embarrassed to want to really spend time with them...when it would matter most. If I'd deigned to party with her, I think it would have truly been to both our benefits. But, as it is..."
"So, you're saying I should spend more time with Roxas?"
"Every family is different; and everyone's answer is going to be different."
"That doesn't help..." Xikira said glumly, letting her head fall onto her unfinished drawing with a huff.
"Apologies - but this is something only you can decide," Lauriam told her gently. "If you feel guilty and want to spend time with him again, then you should do so. If not...then don't. Connections should bloom naturally, not be forced into existence; in the end, that's all family is - a connection you can accept or reject."
Xikira let out a big sigh, smooshing her cheek into the graphite, smudging it. "You're right, you are a bad brother. You suck at giving life advice..." she mumbled out.
Lauriam chuckled. "I gracefully accept the criticism, Xikira."
"Why are you 'graceful' anything?" Xikira asked, raising her head. "I heard it before that you have the title of 'Graceful Assassin' in the Organization. But you've never assassinated anyone, have you?"
Lauriam's pleasant expression faded. He bowed his head again, clenching his fists. "I'm afraid...that I have done things for this Organization that I'm no longer proud of. Orders from Xemnas. Although, 'following orders' is never an excuse," he added darkly.
"So you have?" Xikira said, surprised.
"I'd rather not talk about this," Lauriam said firmly. "Please?"
"But-"
"Xikira. Please."
"Okay..." Xikira sighed, resting her head on her arms. "So has everyone done things they aren't proud of for the Organization? Even...Elrena? Or- Xigbar?"
"I'd imagine so, yes," Lauriam said tightly. "And it's my hope now, Xikira...that we might be able to spare you that burden. It is those memories...that will never fade away. And it is those that I'd soon forget. True guilt, real remorse...the feelings I feel again inside me now...I'd never want you to experience it. To have to live on with it, the rest of your existence."
"Killing people isn't terrible, though," Xikira replied, shrugging. "I don't feel bad about any of the Heartless I've gotten rid of."
"People and Heartless are different."
Something happened in Xikira. A tightness in her chest. A sudden...spasm. She shut her eyes, gasping softly. This conversation was familiar. And this feeling too...this deep, horrible...
"Are they? I- still don't think so."
"I hope you never have to find out how wrong you are about that."
"So, Xigbar...has he done things too?"
"I'd imagine so," Lauriam responded. "He is Number Two; doubtless, he's earned his rank. Not just due to combat prowess, but because of commitment to the cause. He wouldn't be so highly regarded if he wasn't serving Xemnas well..."
"Well, Number Two or not, he's my friend," Xikira said loudly. "He's taught me things, he's looked out for me - he even took me out for ice cream! And he keeps secrets for me."
"I doubt clandestine ice cream trips are the only secrets that man has - nor are they all so innocent and harmless," Lauriam said carefully.
"You don't know him like I do! He's tired all the time, he's funny, he's kind, he- he-"
"I'll take your word for it, Xikira," Lauriam cut across firmly. "But this interest he's had in you from the very beginning of your life so far...can we truly say...that it is innocent?"
"What are you saying?" Xikira asked, confused.
Lauriam gave a sigh. "I wouldn't want to start an argument tonight. Can we drop the subject?"
Xikira sighed, too. "Okay..."
Anger rose in her chest now, though. And on that impulse, she sat up suddenly, yanked off her purple gown, and tossed it at Lauriam with all her might, hitting him in the head.
"What was that for?" he said, his expression changing from astonishment to actual anger. He glanced at her, then away, putting a hand over his eyes.
Xikira crossed her arms at him, glaring. "I want you out of my room."
Something else came to Lauriam's face, even as he stood and made for the door. He stopped there, his back squarely to her. Then-
"I'm sorry for whatever I've said to hurt or offend you, Xikira. I hope we can talk about it later," he said softly. Then he left her alone.
Xikira felt the anger bleeding out of her core, and...
She didn't exactly feel so good about herself anymore.
She fell back on her bed and covered her face with her hands.
