The Defenders of Remnant PSA 1: Weapon Safety (feat. The Reds and Blues)


Blood Gulch

Red Base

Yang: Heya! I'm Yang Xiao Long from RWBY, particularly from this story, The Defenders of Remnant!

Grif: And I'm Private Dexter Grif from Red vs Blue. But we're not here to talk about ourselves.

Yang: Well, except to say this is here to give something until the next chapter comes out.

Grif: Yeah, yeah, whatever, good luck with that. Today, we're here to talk about weapon safety. In our series, Red vs Blue, we poke fun at things like the military lifestyle and usage of our weapons, including devices of mass destruction.

Yang: But in reality, weapons are no laughing matter. So it's important that you know about standard weapon safety, so that nobody gets-

(A sniper shot narrowly misses Grif's head, and both he and Yang duck down.)

Grif: SON OF A BITCH!

Yang: ...hurt.

Grif: Hey! Cut the shit, dick! We're trying to do somethin' here!

Church (across the canyon): Hey Reds! You suck, Blue rules!

Grif: Hey, I see you! I see you up there, buddy! (walks away from Yang)

Yang: Displays like that are our first example of what NOT to do with a weapon. You have to be careful if you're handling one, or someone could accidently get hurt.

(Another gunshot goes off)

Grif: Ow! You fucking cockbite!

Church: Yeah, I bet that one hurt!

Blue Base

Tucker: In all seriousness, weapon safety is important. It's important that you know how to handle a weapon before you even consider using it.

Weiss: If a weapon is to be entrusted to someone, make sure they are properly qualified, like a Huntress such as myself!

Tucker: Or to anyone with more than single digit brain cells, like me. (Behind them, Ruby is trying to hand Crescent Rose to Caboose). Which means NOT CABOOSE!

Ruby and Caboose: Aw...

Weiss: Giving a weapon to someone unqualified or irresponsible is asking for trouble and chaos, so think before you act.

On top of Red Base

Sarge: In the event you do have to use a firearm, be sure you know how to aim, so you don't give those dirtbags a chance! To practice, you just need the perfect target.

Yang: You ready, Luke?

(Luke Cage stood against the wall as the Reds, Yang and Blake all took aim with their weapons)

Luke: Do I really have to do this?

Blake: This does seem a bit excessive.

Sarge: Can it and take your lumps.

Luke: *sighs* Fine.

Sarge: Alright, men! And ladies... open fire!

(Everyone fired their weapons onto Luke, and not a single shot, Dust or otherwise, hurt him at all. It just left dozens of bullet holes in his shirt at the end of it.)

Simmons: Well shit, he really is bulletproof.

Yang: For the most part, our shots were accurate, which is important if you're forced to use a weapon for self defense. You don't want to miss and accidently hit someone else.

Grif: Or, y'know, miss and die. I think that's the more important one. (Sarge then shoots Grif point blank with his shotgun) Agh! Why me...?!

Sarge: Demonstrated as such. If you're worried about your aim, just grab a trusty shotgun instead! Then your victim- um, I mean attacker, has no chance of leaving!

Luke: There is something seriously wrong with you people.

Simmons: Did you figure that out before or after we asked you if we could light you up with bullets?

Yang: Welp, I think that about covers everything! So be careful out there, and The Defenders of Remnant will continue soon!

Sarge: Remember, keep a shotgun by your bedside, and more importantly keep an eye out for our upcoming story, RvBvRWBY: Incursion! Serializing as soon as Defenders is finished!

Simmons: Sarge! We weren't supposed to talk about that! That was supposed to be announced later!

Sarge: Oh... my bad.

Simmons: *sighs* I can't believe I donated organs for this fucking army...