Chapter 76
Non omnis moriar
"Not all of me will die"


"First we only want to be seen,
but once we're seen,
that's not enough anymore.
After that, we want to be remembered."
Station Eleven


It was still dark when she woke. Her eyes were swollen and dry, aching as she blinked.

Her shoulder throbbed as she sat upright, cradling her arm against her chest.

There wasn't much light to see by, but she couldn't see any signs of the soul collectors that followed Kikyo around.

A soft shift in the bushes to their right made her turn towards them.

"Hello?"

Maybe the barrier had come down, and the others were looking for them.

"Sango?" She called. Her voice felt like it should echo across the quiet. "Miroku?"

But there was no response, and Kagome slid away from Inuyasha to investigate. It was difficult to maneuver with her ankle messed up and throbbing on top of everything else that was already hurting.

She moved outside the barrier, looking around and trying to focus on what little she could make out in the dark.

"Hello?" She called again and the bushes rattled a bit more insistently. It was probably just some foraging creature unfortunate enough to get caught in Kikyo's barrier and unable to escape.

Kagome could sympathize with the feeling, really.

It was probably nothing after all. She turned back towards Inuyasha and started scooting her way towards safety.

Except that—there wasn't really another way to say this—the tree moved? It was the tree next to Inuyasha and Kagome had never noticed that it also had an ofuda hanging on the trunk.

There had been other issues that had been at the forefront for her to notice, and when she was inside the barrier, it was at enough of angle that it would've been impossible to see.

She watched the tree flicker in and out for a moment before she realized the tree wasn't disappearing at all. Instead, something had taken its place.

Ofuda fell to the ground, and a rather large praying mantis took its place, stretching out its limbs and eying its surroundings.

Kagome—panicked, freezing in place at the sight of the large insect, who—unfortunately—noticed her immediately.

And clearly, it had not been fed or it had not fed in what it perceived as a long time, because the mandibles jittered anxiously as it took a step towards her, pincers at the ready.

Without thinking, Kagome scrambled backwards away from the barrier, when she should've been heading towards it. The instant she realized her mistake, she started for it, only to be cut off by the mantis youkai, who stared at her with its giant unblinking eyes and mandibles clicking together, head following her movements as she shifted across the grass.

She took a deep, slow breath, trying to focus on the how she was going to save herself—and Inuyasha—with literally nothing except her own body as a weapon.

She watched the mantis shift its stance, and then she felt the still quiet as it waited for something.

It was coming for her. She could feel it. She just couldn't tell when or how.

And when it lunged for her, she screamed, ducking down and curling up into the grass as it opened it's pincers wide and large. Curling up into a ball, she heard the screeching wail as it struck something, and she felt the heavy weight of it landing on her own barrier.

It reared back, thrashing about, crashing its body into her barrier, the dull thuds resonating in her body.

Whimpering, she curled up even tighter, because no one was coming for her. Sango and Miroku were outside, and Inuyasha—he needed protecting more than she did right now.

It was all up to her.

And who was she? Really?

Did she have any right to be in charge of making sure herself—much less anyone else—actually survived? It wasn't like she wasn't doing such a hot job of taking care of herself at the moment.

But then the thrashing stopped for just a moment, and she peeked up to look at the mantis, who swayed heavily before falling forward right on top of her barrier, disintegrating itself into distinct and separate pieces. Her barrier flickered before it snapped like a bubble popping.

Her heart jackhammered in her chest, as she waited for the thing to move, but it didn't. It just laid there, completely still, and Kagome slowly pushed herself up, hissing as her shoulder pulled. The mantis was in pieces from where it had partially purified itself. Kagome kicked the head away so it wasn't looking at her before shifting to her hands and knees to crawl back towards safety and Inuyasha.

The moment she put any pressure on her arm, she tumbled face first into the ground with a cry. Her entire shoulder throbbed and burned, and she laid there on the ground until it stopped aching enough that she felt like she could move. Dragging herself across the grass, she slipped back inside her own barrier, curling her legs inside of it.

"I know you're mad, but—" She let the sentence drift off, because he had to be furious with her and the fact that she was asking for some sort of comfort from him was so selfish it bordered on unforgivable.

He was never going to want to look at her ever again for what she'd tried to do.

Kikyo would lie, and he'd believe her.

He never questioned her, and Kagome knew it.

They were done and over before they ever had a chance to start.

Her anchor would let her go, and she could already feel the turbulence starting to rise up around her.

"I'm still going to save you," she whispered. "Even if you're mad. I'm going to figure it out."

A low wheeze escaped him, and she sobbed loud and violently into the night.


By the time Kagome woke, the sun felt like it had been out in full force for a while. The shadows were steeply angled, and Kagome barely felt like moving at all. Everything burned and ached without mercy or relent.

Taking a deep breath, she swallowed painfully feeling the drying muscles try to shift her throat. Her mouth felt so dry that her teeth were starting to hurt, and her eyes felt like they'd been scuffed up with sandpaper.

The time she'd gotten sand in her eyes and tried to wash it out with saltwater at the beach felt better than this.

A faint and weak cough drew her out, and she turned her head slightly to look at Inuyasha, who was considerably paler and had a crust of dried blood over his lips. A deep, settling wheeze came from his partially open mouth, and she realized that whatever the liquid antidote had been, there hadn't been enough of it.

"Maybe," her voice crackled, and she attempted to clear it, feeling phlegm shift around in her chest as she did. She shook her head. Maybe wasn't going to cut it. "I'm going to get help."

She waited for a moment, eyes searching his face for any sign that Inuyasha could hear her, but there was nothing but stillness from him. She touched his face, running the backs of her fingers along his skin, which felt crusty with dried sweat, and far too cold to be anything close to healthy or normal.

She had to do something, because she wasn't sure if Inuyasha would survive another full night out here.

Sango might know something, but she just had to get her in the barrier, which she had no clue how to even approach in the first place.

Sharp pangs rolled over her entire shoulder as she attempted to shift it, and when she reached back to feel the skin, heat radiated off of it.

Infection.

Well, she wasn't going to last much longer out here either if she couldn't get it looked at.

Kagome moved—slowly—outside the little dome and headed towards where Kikyo had dragged her in this little slice of hell.

Her arms and legs shook violently as she dragged her body through the clearing and into the trees. She'd made it just inside the tree line before she had to stop, leaning herself against the trunk of a tree to catch her breath.

Getting out wasn't going to do Inuyasha any good. She needed to take the barrier down completely. That was the only option here. She had to get him out, and the only way to do that was to let someone in.

Maybe if she could find where the barrier's—origin point or whatever it was called—was located, then maybe she could change who it let inside.

Kikyo had been surprised to see Inuyasha.

But also not, because she'd clearly been prepared with the poison.

And who poisons their loved ones?

Even if it was to make a point, who does that?

Kagome leaned her head back against the tree.

Best case scenario: She brought the whole thing down and got Inuyasha the help he needed.

Mid-case scenario: She managed to alter it enough to let someone else in to help get him out.

Worst case scenario: None of that worked and she was back to square one minus time.

She was so tired and just wanted to sleep for a good long while. It was taking everything out of her just to function at her current level.

She let her eyes close just for a minute. Every single part of her was stiff and dry and sore.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to figure out how Kikyo had managed a barrier so large. Kagome could barely get herself covered.

Structures. Supports. Miroku had reminded her that there had to be supports that made her barriers strong and resistant to collapse.

Kikyo had years of training. She didn't.

There was no way that she'd know how to do this, and Miroku had earnestly reminded her that there was no fair comparison.

She would be missed, she reminded herself. There were several people who would miss her if she suddenly stopped living.

She would be missed.

Feeling somewhat more reassured, she looked around. Kikyo had to have left something behind to pin the barrier down with.

Kagome had used an arrow after all, and now she just had to find the thing—the object—that was keeping the barrier stable and then—well, destroy it?

In theory, it should just disappear if she moved it, right?

Kaede just mentioned the how behind forming them, not the how to take it apart lesson.

But she'd managed one anyway, without even practicing, so maybe there was hope that she could dismantle one as well.

Feeling sufficiently pepped up, Kagome started the trek back towards the clearing.

Find the center of the barrier and that's where the object will be. Well, in theory at least. But it was fine as any place to start looking.

She managed to creep her way into the clearing on three limbs. She'd learned her lesson, and the way her shoulder seemed to constantly throb now, she wasn't willing to risk it.

Looking up at the sky, she tried to see where the center of the dome was, but the angle of the late afternoon sun made it difficult to tell.

She even tried to feel out the energy like Miroku had shown her, waving her one good hand out and about wildly as if it were a dowsing rod, but she apparently needed two good arms for that, because she found absolutely nothing.

Inuyasha's wheezing grew worse, and Kagome began tearing through the ground looking for anything and everything that could hold any energy whatsoever.

But there was nothing. No sign of any upturned earth, and no signs of anything strange to be found either.

She just needed a break. Just a short one. She shifted so that her good shoulder was against the ground and closed her eyes for just a moment.


Kagome shuddered at the sudden breeze that made everything far too cold, and while it felt amazing on her shoulder, the rest of her felt like it had been dunked in ice.

Groaning even as her voice cracked and came out gravelly, she pushed herself up to her elbow. Her eyes were crusted over, and it took a couple of swipes to clear them enough to see.

How long had she been asleep?

It was very clearly night, but she had no way to tell how long it had been that way.

The ground had not done her pain any favors either.

Kagome was at a literal dead end, especially with night approaching. Inuyasha's wheezing had become markedly louder and faster, and she knew that they were both running out of time, especially since she'd started sweating too.

A fever from the infection in her shoulder most likely.

There wasn't an option any longer, she had to get out and find someone to help.

Sango might know of a remedy to help. She knew what sorts of poisons were used to take down youkai, so she had to know some antidotes.

You don't have a demon cat and not know an antidote to your own poisons.

Kagome took a deep breath, and started for the edge of the barrier. It would take some time, but she'd make it out and back again if need be.

Maybe they could give her some rope, and they could just drag Inuyasha out that way?

Why hadn't she thought of that before?

Her brain really was just not in a good place.

Something beside her flickered, and her heart sank. She craned her head up to see the thin paper of an ofuda trickling down to the ground, twisting and turning in the air as it went.

Oh no.

A large tail flicked out to the side, and Kagome looked up into the face of a snake who was both very unhappy at being trapped while simultaneously very pleased at discovering dinner placed right in front of him.

The pale green of his scales, rippled in the moonlight, and it was quite pretty, except that it lunged towards her, wrapping her up easily in its coils as it rose to its full and terrifying height, dragging her up off the ground with it.

She pushed against its side as it constricted around her.

"Inu—!" She gasped as it tightened its hold on her, putting an obscene amount of pressure on her shoulder.

Right. No one was coming.

No one could come to help her.

She was on her own.

It was up to her to save herself.

The snake lifted her up, shifting so that it was looking directly at her. It's mouth shifted, and she watched the slow grin of a smile spread across its face as the thin sliver of a tongue darted out, tasting the air.

The coils constricted even tighter, and she made a muffled whimpering sound, because she couldn't breathe; there was no room for her lungs to expand.

It had all happened so fast, and now, she was here, trapped, and about to be eaten. Her vision was getting spotty, and it was only a matter of seconds before she went under.

And then who would save Inuyasha? She had to save Inuyasha. If nothing else, she had to save him.

Kagome dug as deep as her body would allow her and summoned up whatever reiki she could manage, and just—shocked the hell out of it.

She knew that it would be a surprise, and she'd prepared herself to fall. What she hadn't expected was to be tossed through the air like a literal hot potato.

She hit the ground with a hard thud, coughing as all the air was knocked out of her.

The snake hissed and howled as it writhed along the ground, still smoking from where she'd zapped it.

Kagome pushed herself up, trying her best to ignore the pain radiating from every joint in her body. Her good shoulder popped loudly as she rose up to her knees, arm shaking as she tried to hold herself up.

"If you think," she rasped, "I'm gonna let you win—" Her voice died off with a cough. "Think again." She doubled over as a fit of coughing made her back spasm.

She was going to sleep for days when this was over.

It just needed to come to her, and then she could handle it.

Or at least zap the hell out of it again.

Eying her carefully, she watched the snake lower its head, tongue flicking in and out, as it contemplated its next move. It had to come to her. There wasn't enough energy to summon her reiki and move towards it.

The snake moved with a speed she wasn't prepared for. Slithering along the ground, heading right towards her, as its mouth opened, large, wide, and gaping.

She took a deep breath as the mouth closed around her whipping her up into the air, and she dredged up every piece of reiki left in her body and flooded it out and around her.

The pressure of its jaws around her midsection disappeared, and Kagome felt all the supports leave her. She could see Inuyasha from where she was hovering for just a second before gravity wrenched her back down to the earth. She saw the ground coming for her and accepted the darkness before it consumed her.


The birds were chirping, and Kagome wanted nothing to do with them or existence at all.

Coughing weakly, she had to forcibly pull her eyes apart to see what was around her.

Everything was too hot and too loud, and it took every bit of her strength to roll over onto her side. Her body burned and throbbed as she moved, and she felt fluid in her lungs shift, driving her into a coughing fit. Fluid spit out of her mouth, and she grimaced at the taste of it as it lingered. The only relief was that the fluid wet her mouth just enough for it to not feel like she'd been sucking on a dirt covered rock.

The coughs were wet and loud, and her chest burned with each breath.

Rolling onto her stomach, she grabbed a fistful of grass as another painful series of coughs resounded in the small clearing. More discolored fluid, mostly foggy white and green landed in front of her, and she recoiled at the mass of it.

Something was wrong. Very wrong.

Inuyasha—

Working to get her elbows up and under her, so she could look around. Dust settled around her in small piles and rivers, and she realized that was what was left of the snake.

Kagome blinked a few times, trying to clear the blurriness from her vision.

It was slow going, getting her legs under her, and every muscle in her body quaked at its use.

Her arm—she couldn't even extend her arm in front of her without feeling like someone was actively pressing a hot poker against her skin.

Inuyasha remained where he'd been for the last, however long, except that he looked almost as white as his hair.

Had he—

Surely, he couldn't—

The thought that he might've left sometime in the night pushed her enough to crawl towards him, limping on three limbs to get there.

It was not fast nor was it dignified, but it did the job.

Kagome heard the shallow gasp of air when she was partway there, and she could make out that he'd been bleeding out of his nose even more.

He was alive.

There was still time.

Not much, but there was still time.

Leaning back on her knees, she took a rattling breath of her own.

Neither one of them had much time.

Her skin felt too hot and too tight around her body, and she could barely function.

She continued crawling towards him, slow and steady, climbing through her barrier easily. Though the barrier itself seemed—thinner than before. The idea of making a new barrier seemed an impossibility now. Even reinforcing the one she'd already made was far beyond what little energy she had.

She was too dehydrated and too ill to even comprehend the thought process behind it.

Kagome reached a hand out to his face, feeling the heat far before she ever touched him.

Last night, he'd been almost cold to the touch, but now he felt like something was burning him from the inside out.

It didn't make Kagome feel any better about the turn of events. His nose had been bleeding, running down the edges of his mouth and down to the side of his jaw, where it dripped onto his haori. He was so hot to the touch, and yet, he wasn't sweating at all. His chest moved rapidly in quick little gasps of air.

He looked so vulnerable.

Her strong almost invincible hanyou looked so frail.

His lips were chapped and peeling.

"Inuyasha, I'm going to get help." She licked her lips, feeling her tongue pull at the broken skin and wincing as it burned. "I'm sorry."

She looked out at the trees beyond the two of them.

"If I—" She cleared her throat again, eyes burning, even though she didn't think there was a drop of water in her body to spare at this point, "I love you." She took a deep breath, hacking as it tickled her lungs. "I should've told you, but it—" she tried to find the right words and couldn't. "I was afraid," she whispered. "But if—just remember I loved you. And I loved you as a half-demon."

She leaned forward placing a soft kiss on his forehead that blazed with a heat she couldn't fathom was in any way healthy. She let her lips linger for just a second before withdrawing and looking away, out into the clearing. She had to find a way to drag this thing down, even if it took her with it.

Inuyasha deserved to live. He deserved to have every type of happiness.

She hesitated on pulling the arrow out of the tree. It was Inuyasha's only line of defense, and if she pulled it out—anything could come along and finish him off.

On the opposite side of that, it wouldn't do him any good if no one could get inside either.

The barrier was thinning each time she looked at it. At the rate it was going, it wasn't like there would be much of it left to take down. Miroku or Sango could probably do it if they tried hard enough. She decided to leave it be.

She began to slide-crawl her way out of the barrier and towards what she hoped was the middle of the barrier again. She had to have missed something. Kikyo wasn't perfect, as much as everyone else thought she was. She was bound to make mistakes.

She'd miscalculated Kagome, after all.


It only took her a bit of time to finally find the place where the Kikyo had sunk her anchor for the barrier.

Part of the problem had been that this is where that snake had appeared, so Kagome hadn't had time to check it out. She was also pretty sure that there had been a tree here.

Which was odd.

That had been the second night that a youkai had appeared out of nowhere from the trees and just attacked them for no good reason.

Granted, existing and being edible was enough reason for some, but it didn't make good sense for others.

But there was a small hole, now covered partially in dirt, and when Kagome had carefully pulled the dirt away from the anchor that Kikyo had made, Kagome realized her problem.

There was an arrow stabbed into the earth at the bottom of the hole.

That wasn't the problem.

The real problem was the ofuda attached to the arrow.

And it looked an awful lot like Kikyo had booby trapped her own barrier. Almost like she expected things to go wrong, or at least was attempting to ensure that someone died in here.

And Kagome was really feeling like that someone was her.

The ofuda—from what Kagome could tell—was rigged to explode if it was disturbed or torn away. Maybe it was neither, but Kagome stared at it for a long time, trying to figure out a way to break it without setting off the trap.

But she was too afraid of setting it off to even attempt to mess with it.

Instead, she found herself being driven towards having to set it off. Maybe that was Kikyo's ploy the whole time.

Kikyo would always get what she wanted.

Inuyasha.

The shards.

Kagome's life and soul.

Kagome sighed, sitting back slightly, and looking up at the trees for just a moment.

The light was drifting in through the branches, and she watched as the wind moved them, making the light dance across the forest floor.

It was a beautiful day.

Slowly, she turned her head towards Inuyasha.

It was such a beautiful day.

Any other day, he looked like he might've been taking a nap. His guard down and relaxed, completely at ease.

But Kagome knew better.

One of them was probably going to die today, and Kagome had no intentions of letting it be Inuyasha.

She'd screwed up more than enough for the two of them, and she'd be the one to pay the price.

"I don't see another way," she told him, voice cracking as she spoke. Her tongue was dry and sticking to her teeth. "I just—I tried. I swear. I really did."

Taking a deep breath, she stared at him, willing him to hear her words.

"I love you," and she waited just a moment, just to see if he'd stir or move, not that she'd expected anything, but there had been hope. "So much." She turned back to face the arrow with the simple little strip of paper attached to it.

Maybe it was nothing, a red herring. Something to make Kagome think that there was a trap.

A diversion.

But Kikyo hadn't looked like she was up for diversions earlier. Kikyo had been out for blood—and her soul.

"Tell Mama—" Her voice died off as she didn't know what she wanted her last words to her mother to be. "Tell Mama it didn't hurt, okay?"

Kagome took another quick breath, leaning over the small hole, bracing herself with her elbow so she could wrench it free from the earth.

It was a beautiful day, and Kikyo would finally get what she'd been wanting for so very long.

"I hope she makes you happy," Kagome whispered to the trees and the earth and the rocks around her. It was a wish and prayer.

She wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to enjoy his life. She never wanted him to suffer a lonely day ever again, if she could help it.

And she would do everything, move the sun itself, if that is what it took.

However, Kagome couldn't move the sun, but she could pull an arrow out of the ground.

She could sacrifice herself.

It was a beautiful day, and there were worse ways to die. She knew of at least two.

Kagome pulled the arrow out of the earth, feeling it give way easily and readily. There was a soft pop as the barrier fell, and then the white hot blast exploding all around her.


A/N: Happy Thursday!

I'm in the process of packing, and I swear every single time I walk into my living room, my brain immediately freaks out and assumes I've been robbed, because it's so empty. However, I have also run out of room to put boxes, soooo conundrum. 😂

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! This was one of those that we really see Kagome's resilience come to the forefront. She's incredibly strong, and not just in her personality or her reiki, even in canon, she's not one to give up, especially when others are around, and I really wanted to portray that side of her after everything she's been through. But she's also the one to throw herself on the grenade to save someone else, so we see that part of it too. Kind of that notion of doing what has to be done to save someone else, which is precisely why Inuyasha loves and is completely infuriated by her.

As always, let me know what you think!