March 1987

It would be childish to claim that the entire course of their relationship had changed since the weekend they had spent in Fort Wayne. Even a relationship as fresh as theirs needed a lot more to shake it to the core. Their return to Hawkins, however, did make a change.

It's been weeks, and Andy still couldn't shake off the feeling that a shift between them had happened that they when she turned her cheek to save them from public scrutiny.

It's been weeks, and she and Eddie still spend every day together, spend most nights in each other's beds, and he even insisted on her bringing a few things to his cabin, so that she doesn't have to drag an overnight bag whenever she plans on staying. On paper, things were progressing in every way they should. In practice, there was something off.

It didn't help that they were on the edge of the anniversary - in just a few days' time, it would be a full year since the day Chrissy Cunningham was brutally murdered, and Eddie was the first person people pointed their fingers toward. The last twelve months had passed in a flash, but now that the anniversary of that horrible, horrible period was on their threshold, it affected them all.

She could tell, in the way Eddie's nightmares have become more frequent. When they first started dating, he had them every other week, and Andy wouldn't even catch them sometimes. Max had grown quieter, having two weekly appointments with her psychologist, instead of her usual one a week. They were all quieter, and more pensive, all living in the present but mentally, stuck in the past. A noticeable shift had happened with every single one of them, and Andy was just waiting for a moment when it'll start affecting her and Eddie's relationship.

In a sickening, ironic way, it was a direct reminder of them, last year. They spent so much time waiting for the pin to drop, for shit to go down, and Andy felt that way, too. And as if all of it wasn't enough, she felt guilty for feeling that way, too.

On the outside, everything was good, but on the inside, she was having an internal meltdown of epic proportions, and she had a horrible suspicion that Eddie was going through exactly the same. And to make the bad even worse, she dared not ask.

They spent the afternoon with Wayne at his place, having a barbeque and enjoying the early spring weather - comfortable enough to spend time outside, but in need of a jacket. Eddie gave her his, almost hammering home the point that she could never, ever, even if for some godforsaken reason she tried to, be able to forget his scent. They needed a laidback afternoon like that one, with nothing but good barbeque, cold beer, and jokes between the three of them. Wayne had accepted her wholeheartedly even while she was just a friend, and now, when he knew that she and Eddie were an item, he seemed to like Andy even more. And she could only admire him. It must have taken a lot to take care of a child that wasn't his by birth, all alone and on one paycheck. And to see the two of them being so close, so friendly with one another, it warmed her heart in ways she hadn't realized needed warming. Ironically, it also made her miss her own parents. Albeit very, very briefly.

Andy had felt comfortable enough to go around Eddie's house without asking him whether or not she could do something. It took a few times for him to hammer home the point that of course she could do whatever the hell she wanted to do, but Andy wanted to respect his space. Now, without much thinking, she went directly into the kitchen to make them both coffee, as she could feel the day catching up with her. Socializing was one of those things that Andy found somewhat fun, until it was finally over, and she would realize just how tired she was. She supposed Eddie was feeling the same, as they were both rather quiet.

"Thanks, babe," Eddie smiled her way when she placed a mug in front of him. Andy sat down on the sofa next to him, scooting closer so that she can rest her head on his shoulder. Immediately, his arm went around her, and in a matter of seconds, his hand was in her hair. He loved playing with it, and he often did it without a second thought. It was comforting to Andy, too. She could stay that way for hours, no questions asked.

"Today was really nice," Andy commented after a brief silence. "Wayne always seems happy to see you. Do you think we should make an effort and visit him more often?" she suggested, frowning at the thought that just then crossed her mind. "Maybe I should sit that out at times? Like, maybe he would prefer to spend some time alone with you?"

"Wayne loves having you around, too," Eddie tells her. Andy never really doubted that, as the two got along well, but that didn't mean that he wasn't in need of some alone time with Eddie, too. "And I do, too. Hell, it's pretty much the only time you and I can act like an actual couple in front of everyone," he added, and Andy picked up on the edge in his tone.

"We act like that in front of our friends, too," she reminded him, trying to keep her tone somewhat uplifting, as she could clearly sense the negativity coming from him, and she knew deep down, that she was the reason for it. "Trust me, we do it plenty - Steve wants to make a kiss jar so that we can put money in it and reimburse him every time he has to see us in midst of PDA," she added, jokingly using Steve as an example.

"Yeah, we do," Eddie begrudgingly agreed, before taking a deep, dramatic breath. "Too bad we turn the cheek to the side when in public, right?" he asked through forced laughter.

He hadn't mentioned that incident since the day it happened, but Andy knew damn well that it was hanging over his head - both of their heads, to be honest. As normal as things might have seemed on the surface, she could tell that it still stung him. And it killed her, she hated it, but what more could she have done? She apologized, profusely, explained why she acted the way she did, and did her damn best to overwhelm him in love and affection.

She understood it, she truly did, but she was tired of it not being resolved by then.

"Eddie, I told you why I did it," Andy started, her tone calm and leveled as she didn't want to accidentally turn this into a proper disagreement. "I wish I had more time to think and do things differently. I'm sorry. I wish I could turn back time, but the best I can do is apologize and assure you that it won't happen like that again."

Intentions mean so very little when someone is hurt. Andy knew that, having been on the receiving end of hurt caused by good intentions. She understood, but she also didn't know what else she could do, what else was in her power.

"I know what you say about it," Eddie still sounded dejected, perhaps even angry. Not openly, though. It was simmering quietly within him, and that's what Andy feared the most. Open anger, a proper fight, she could handle. Resentment building up in him? She wouldn't be able to handle that. "But what happens with the meaning behind it?"

"What do you mean the meaning behind it?"

"You say it's because you want me to stay safe," Eddie moved, making Andy stumble for a moment as she was still leaning onto his shoulder. "I don't need you to keep me safe, Andy. I'm a grown-ass man and I don't need you to make that decision for me."

"I hadn't; we made it together," Andy reminded him, doing her very best to not allow his words to awaken frustration in her. "Fucking hell Eddie, we've been fighting each other's battles ever since last year. There's no… you or me in this case. I suggested, you agreed, and you know damn well why you did so."

"Yeah, yeah, keep me safe, keep the testimony sacred," he snapped, now openly angry. "Why? Do you think the government wouldn't find a way to cover that up, too? After all the shit that happened in Hawkins for all these years that they've kept hidden, you don't think they wouldn't find a way to convince a random Julia and Karen that I'm innocent even though I am dating one of the two people who testified to it?"

"Oh, brilliant, let's bring up the government," Andy rolled her eyes. "What do you want me to do, stand in the middle of the square and yell about a monster opening a portal to a parallel dimension? You think that would make them react or have me committed to Pennhurst?"

"Again, I'm pretty sure they'd get us out of that, too!" Eddie all but yelled, sitting up straight and turning around to face Andy; he was fuming, and the look on his face alone was enough to confirm to Andy that this won't end well.

"Jesus Christ Eddie, is holding my hand or kissing me in public that big of a deal that you're willing to push the terms of our NDAs? The ones that pretty much have us set for life? Is what we have right now not enough? If I know we're happy and you know we're happy, why the fuck does anyone else have to have an insight into it?"

"And why wouldn't they?" he snapped. "Give me one good reason why wouldn't they?!"

"Because it's none of their fucking business!" Andy reminded him, exasperated. "And because if we can avoid further scrutiny when it comes to your innocence, I'd rather do that."

She didn't know how else to explain it. After everything that they've been through, both together and apart, taking unnecessary risks seemed… stupid. Useless. And given the reasons behind it, it was in Andy's view, completely and easily avoidable. Try as she might, she couldn't understand it, but then again, apparently, he couldn't understand her either.

"Yeah, right, sure," he brushed her off, very clearly not believing her. "And can you honestly tell me that there is nothing else behind it?"

Andy could no longer even track their conversation. "What the hell would be behind it?!"

"What always is!" Eddie jumped up, the anger bringing him into action. He was livid, and there wasn't a sight that scared Andy more, and she'd faced some scary shit. "Are you sure, like, can you absolutely tell me that the reason why we're hiding this… thing… is not because you're ashamed of it?! Ashamed of me?!"

Andy couldn't have seen it coming from a mile away. And she didn't know where to begin, but she had to speak quickly, as it was clear that Eddie was geared up to take her silence as confirmation, and that couldn't be further from the truth.

"First of all," she started, calmly, also standing up and slowly walking toward him. "What you referred to as this thing is something I consider the most important relationship I've had in my entire life," she ignored the brief flash of guilt that crossed his face - it didn't stick around long enough to be worth the mention. "And before I continue, I want to ask - have I truly given you a reason to believe that I am ashamed of you? Of this thing?"

To think that Andy actually managed to convince herself that she wasn't angry. Maybe she wasn't, but the moment he so carelessly referred to them was her last straw. Unlike Eddie, her anger was quiet and blended in with disappointment. Which, in her eyes, was a much, much scarier feeling.

"What am I supposed to think when you want to keep it a secret?" he demanded.

"That's not an answer to my question," Andy shook her head. She knew that he couldn't confirm it, that he more than likely didn't believe in it either, yet he insisted. "Answer me directly and honestly - do you truly think that me wanting to keep our relationship a secret from half the town is because I am ashamed of you?"

"What else am I supposed to think?!"

"Yes or no, Eddie," Andy insisted. "It's simple. Yes or no."

"When you put it like that, yeah, yes!"

It was funny, in a morbid way. Knowing how fortified the walls around her were, Andy always figured that it would take a lot to break her heart. Hell, her one long-term boyfriend cheated on her and got caught in an act and she was bitter, not heartbroken. She wasn't stupid enough to think that she was untouchable. And the moment she admitted to Eddie that she was in love with him, truly and completely, she knew that she handed him the power to hurt her, break her heart, and do with it as he wishes.

She just never thought it would actually get to it. Or, if by chance, it would, that it wouldn't happen that soon. And definitely not over something that started as trivial, but somehow turned into one of the biggest insults that she was ever served.

"I can't believe that's what you think of me," were the only words she could utter.

"No, no, don't get it twisted!" Eddie insisted immediately. "That is not what I said."

"You said you think I was ashamed of you; I said I can't believe you think that of me. Where exactly did I lie?"

Apparently, she had him there, as he said nothing. It seemed as if Andy was watching him realize that he really did think that of her, and cycling back to realize what made him think that way. It was another mini heartbreak in the middle of a gigantic one.

"Whatever I say now will make it seem like I'm trying to guilt you into changing your mind," Andy started, very carefully choosing her words and desperately trying to keep her emotions from seeping through every word that came out of her mouth. "I'll say it in the simplest way possible, even though I could give you a fucking dissertation about it but… but, after everything that we've been through, after all the bullshit that was thrown our way, to hear that you actually believe that there is a world where I would be ashamed of you in any way is as hurtful as it is insulting. I look at you like you hung the moon and stars, and if you can't see that, I can't make you open your eyes."

She wanted to say more, so much more. She wanted to scream at him, to ask him how he even dared think something like that. She defended him, she made an effort with him, and she would have done it all over again, as many times as it took. And yet he stood there and pretty much confirmed that all of it meant absolutely nothing. She wanted to yell, scream, and break things, but all she did was simmer in disappointment.

"It doesn't feel that way when all I can think of is how you don't want people to know," Eddie was no longer yelling, and it was clear Andy's words managed to bring some sense to him.

"And yet you ignore the fact that everyone I actually care about knows how crazy I am about you," she reminded him. It took her no more than a second to make a decision, and without much theatricality, she walked into the hallway and put on her shoes.

"Where are you going?" Eddie asked, following her into the hallway. Andy actually laughed.

"Did you think I was going to stay after all of this?" she asked, and although she wanted to laugh at the irony of it all, she could only look at him with sadness in her eyes. For someone who was somewhat used to getting disappointed one way or another, this one still managed to take her by surprise. And it really, truly broke her heart. "I'm going home, Eddie. You'll know where to find me if you decide to do so."

"You really are just leaving?" he asked in disbelief, eyes wide and shocked.

"After how much your words hurt, yeah, I am," Andy deadpanned, unable to fathom why he was even surprised. Did he expect her to stay and sleep with him and continue as if nothing had ever happened? "I have a lot of thinking to do and I think you do, too."

Without saying goodbye, she took her jacket from where it hung beside the door and she went out of his cabin, closing the door behind her. Thankful that he chose not to follow her, Andy slowly started making her way down the impromptu road, fully aware that it would take her ages to get home, and that she needed that time - time to think, ponder and cry.

The worst part of it all was self-doubt. Who was she to decide how he felt? She had no right, nor did anyone other than him. Her intentions didn't mean shit, and it was obvious that Eddie felt she was ashamed of him, of them. The real question was, did she truly give him a reason to feel that way, or if he was projecting her own insecurities onto something untainted?

Andy couldn't answer that. That was something Eddie and Eddie alone was going to have to realize. As horrible as it felt to think that, Andy knew that he had to make a move to step away from his past. People treated him like shit, that much she knew, but how long will he be waiting for her to do the same? And if that was what he expected of her, how long could Andy stay in a relationship like that?

That's no way to function. To be together but constantly wait for the other shoe to drop, sounded more like torture than a functional relationship. He will either expect her to decide that he wasn't good enough, or she will live in perpetual fear that she was making him feel like he wasn't good enough. On and on it will spin, with no way for them to leave the cycle.

Andy thought they made sense. Wouldn't be the first time she was wrong, though.

And that, again, broke her heart.