Another day, another infraction.
That was the story of Ronnie Anne Santiago's life. From the very beginning, she had been something of a bully. As a toddler, she pushed other kids down at the park and stole their toys. In kindergarten, she intimidated her classmates out of their snacks and fingerpaints. She was known far and wide from her earliest years as a "bad seed" and kids steered clear of her, either on their own or on their parents' urging. Her teachers all dreaded her, and she spent more time in the principal's office than she did in class itself. At her first school, she was banned from recess on the third day after beating up another girl, and didn't get to go on the playground again until she transferred schools three years later. During lunch, if she was still hungry after finishing her meal, she'd take another kid's tray without a second thought. In gym, while running laps, she made a game of trying to catch the lead runner, and if she did, she would trip or tackle them.
There was little rhyme or reason to her antics. She picked on popular kids, losers, nerds, poor kids, rich kids, even older kids. She was poor and resented kids who had nicer things than her, that was true, but you couldn't write her actions off as jealousy since she'd go after kids who had less than her as well. That's to say, she didn't have a preferred victim type, and she didn't do it out of envy or anything the way other bullies might. Everyone was in danger of falling prey to Ronnie Anne Santiago, no matter who they were. Hell, she'd even bullied a few teachers in her day, usually new ones fresh out of college. They didn't know how to handle kids yet and you could really get under their skin.
Maybe it was wrong, or sick, or just plain evil, but Ronnie Anne took a sort of perverse pride in being a bully. Messing with people was fun. In fact, she loved it so much that she even messed with people that she liked. She'd call them names, slap them around a little, tease them - things like that. With her, there was really no telling whether she liked you or not because she would bully you just as hard as she bullied anyone else. She once had a friend whom she loved dearly, and every time she would see her, Ronnie Anne would give her noogies and Indian burns. She was so bruised by the end of the day that she looked like she'd been beaten up by Mike Tyson and then trampled by a marching band like an unfortunate cartoon butt monkey, but she was Ronnie Anne's homegirl.
If you were to sit Ronnie Anne down and ask her why she enjoyed picking on people (as a number of psychiatrists, therapists, and school counselors had over the years), she would probably give you a shrug and say, "I dunno, It's fun." And that would be an honest answer, at least as honest an answer as she would ever be able to give. There were other factors, of course. Most people genuinely annoyed her. Goody-goods, preps, nerds, emos, really, everyone. All groups taken as a whole and in general just pissed her off for some reason. One time, she bullied this skater kid until he tried killing himself by drinking a cap full of mouthwash. It would have been sad if he didn't post about it on social media first, showing a tiny thimble full of green liquid and writing a poem about how cruel the world was and how he would miss his mom and dad.
Ronnie Anne let up on him after that because she wasn't a monster, but he got it ten times worse from other kids when he accidentally shit himself in gym class a few months later. It got so bad that he had to transfer schools.
And they said she was the one with the problem.
The thing that annoyed her about him was how slow and sleepy he was. He spoke in a medicated draw and said stuff like "rad" and "dude." He reminded her of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo (the old white Shaggy, not the new black Shaggy), and you know what? She hated Shaggy. She had always wanted to shove his head in a locker and snap a wet towel across his back. Shaggy was a burn out stoner and burn out stoners deserve to be bullied and made fun of.
Ronnie Anne had toned down some after getting out to the alternative school. Her mother begged her to behave and not get into trouble, and Ronnie Anne had been making a legitimate effort to carry out her mother's wishes. It was really hard, though. Sometimes she'd be sitting in class and she'd get all antsy like an alcoholic going into withdrawals, only instead of needing a drink, she needed to shoot a spitball at someone or flick the back of their ear with a rubber band. It was the weirdest thing in the world, but she was a feen for bullying and if she didn't get herself a regular fix, she would get the DTs. And, God, it was even worse when she was around someone who really annoyed her. Her hands would start to shake and her eye would begin to twitch, and unless she exerted every ounce of strength she had into containing herself, she wouldn't be able to keep her fists back from them. A few times she got in trouble for leaving the classroom lest she explode on someone.
Hey, it was either leave or beat a kid up, you oughta be happy I chose the former.
Of course, as much as she tried to be good, she still had the occasional eensy weensy slip up here and there. Last week, she slapped a carton of milk out of a boy's hand because his buck teeth were getting on her nerves, and a few days before that, she put super glue on a girl's seat. Her dress got stuck and the teacher had to cut her out of it to free her from the trap lol. It was kind of like a roach motel: They check in but they don't check out, At the beginning of this week, some kid in music class was trying to play a recorder and making an ugly and irritating noise with it, so she took it away from him and slapped him across the back of the head with it. She didn't mean to do this, honest, it just sort of, you know, happened. She was doing it before she even knew she was moving. It was like an instant reaction or something. A reflex. Like how you kick your leg when the doctor hits your knee with the hammer thingy.
The boy she hit wound up ratting her out to the teacher, which earned her an all expenses paid trip to the principal's office, where the principal dressed her down in tones of disgust and outrage. The principal, Mr. Huggins, was an older man with a bald spot and a little tuft of hair randomly placed on the crown of his forehead. It looked so stupid that she wanted to give it a good yank every time she laid eyes on it. Come on, man, you can't see how dumb it looks? Don't you have a mirror? Mr. Huggins - first name rumored to be either Chet or Chester - had been the principal at Royal Woods Elementary since time out of mind. In fact, he was the principal here when Ronnie Anne's mother, Maria, was a student, and from what Mom said, he looked pretty much the same now as he did then. What was he, a vampire or something? Did he retain his not so youthful appearance by sucking the hopes and dreams out of his students? What was in the closet next to his desk, a pile of skulls dating back to when he first started here in the 1850s? Ronnie Anne wasn't sure but she couldn't entirely rule out the possibility either. Principal Huggins was a real douche. He was always yelling and wagging his finger, even when you didn't give him a reason to, he would find one, kind of like snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Every morning he stood by the main entrance as kids filed in, and every morning his expression was one of sour disdain. To Ronnie Anne, he looked like he was holding in a big, meaty fart. She didn't know much about his personal life, but she imagined he was a bitter and lonely man who ate his dinner standing over the sink and had no friends.
That was probably why he took his aggressions out on his students.
He gave Ronnie Anne a tongue lashing and then stuck her in ISS. In-school suspension, which was a thousand times worse than out of school suspension. At least when you were out of school suspended, you could sit around the house, eat sugary cereal, and watch TV. In ISS, you were trapped in a stuffy little room all day long and forced to do school work. And if you chose not to do the work your teachers so graciously provided you with, your only alternative was to stare at the walls. Ronnie Anne got so bored in ISS that she actually looked forward to doing school work. Anything to take her mind off how crashingly dull the whole thing was. Oh, and the silence. You couldn't talk, cough, or even fart, so the silence was deafening. Ronnie Anne was sure that she could hear the sound of her own blood rushing through her veins, that's how quiet it was.
She had done a thousand stints in ISS before, however, and instead of complaining or getting mad or something, she stuck her chin out and took her punishment like a woman. She spent two days straight sitting at a scuffed and graffiti covered desk in the corner of a tiny room with sterile white walls and thin gray industrial carpet. She did her work, and when she ran out of it, she added her own graffiti to the desk with her pen so that it couldn't be easily washed off. She drew a penis with hairy balls, a middle finger, and the legend I HAYT SKOOL. She smiled down at her work like a pleased revolutionary admiring an epic mural she had slaved over for months, then added one final picture: A pooping butt.
Ronnie Anne was looking forward to her time in ISS being over, and on the very day it ended, she walked into school feeling like a woman just released from a long stretch in prison. The air out here was sweeter, the lights brighter, everything better. Then some boy walked past her drenched in Axe body spray and she gagged. "You smell like a queer," she said and shoved him. He stumbled and fell into a bank of lockers, his feet going out from under him and spilling him onto the cold, unforgiving tiled floor. Ronnie Anne's heart dropped and she fled into the surrounding crowd. Damn it, she literally just got out of the joint and she did this? Way to go, Ronnie Anne. Real nice.
She passed the morning in a state of anxiety, sure that at any moment, the loud speaker would crackle and summon her to the principal's office for another bout of ISS. The call never came, however, and by lunch, she was beginning to relax. It looked to her as though she were in the clear. Thank God, she did not want to go back to in school suspension.
No more bullying people, she decided. From now on, she would stick to the straight and narrow path. She couldn't promise anyone that she would turn into a straight A bookworm honor roll student like her tutor what's-her-name (Sid, right?), but she would lay off picking on people. It wouldn't be easy - in fact, it would be downright hard - but she was committed. She would shape up, straighten out, and never again have to deal with the trials and tribulations of ISS…or even OSS.
Just as soon as she made that vow, fate began to tempt her. She was sitting at a table in the middle of the lunch room. The seats immediately around her were empty, but clusters of kids sat at either end, some jocks and cheerleaders to the right and a gang of nerds to her left. She could overhear both groups' conversations, and they both annoyed her. The jocks and their concubines were talking about the Kardashians and football while the nerds were arguing over something to do with Star Wars and Star Trek. Ronnie Anne didn't know one from the other, but the loudest, most passionate nerd, complete with glasses and acne, was on the side of Star Trek. He claimed it was bold, innovative, and stylish. He called it "mature" and said that Star Wars was "kiddie stuff." He was so smug and condescending, his voice piercing Ronnie Anne's skull like nails on a chalkboard. He called his friends names, implied that they were stupid and childish, and said that anyone who didn't appreciate the "sheer awesomeness" of Star Trek was a complete imbicile who was "unworthy of love or even life itself."
A hot flush came over Ronnie Anne and her hands began to shake. Sweat rolled off of her forehead in sick, slimy rivulets and a hot, gaseous ball formed in the center of her chest like an angry clenching fist. Her lungs grew tight and her forehead crinkled slightly. Oh no, she thought shakily, it's happening.
She bowed her head, clenched her eyes so tightly shut that tears sprang to them, and bore down on her teeth. The urge to bully…intensifying. The need to pick on…growing. She clenched down as hard as she could, but only succeeded in letting out a dry, squeaky fart. She could feel herself beginning to lose control, and if she didn't get out of here right now, she would wind up doing something that both she and the pompous nerd would regret.
Pushing herself shakily to her feet, she rushed out of the lunch room and ducked into an empty hallway. She threw herself back against the wall and sucked great gulps of breath. Whew, that was a close one.
Just then, the bell rang and everyone began streaming out of the lunch room. Ronnie Anne drew a deep breath and let it out in an unsteady rush. Kids passed her in a torrent and she was just beginning to think the crisis had been averted when the nerd appeared, still going on and on about how stupid everyone else was and how he was the smartest human being ever. Ronnie Anne snapped - she couldn't help it. She grabbed him by the back of his shirt and he let out a startled cry. She dragged him into the nearest girls' room, shoved him into one of the stalls, and held his head under water as she flushed the toilet. He screamed, gargled, and thrashed in a furious attempt to escape, but she was strong and held onto him. She battered him with verbal abuse as she administered the swirlie, calling him every kind of "nerd" and "shithead" in the book. He begged her to stop, but she kept going, flushing the toilet again and again. His glasses were sucked down the drain and his hair was full of toilet paper and what looked like tiny bits of turd.
Ha.
Serves you right for being a freaking geek.
When Ronnie Anne was finally done, she left him on the floor, curled up and crying. She felt alive for the first time in days and whistled to herself as she walked back to class. A little while later, as she was loading up a straw with wads of chewed up paper to shoot at the back of a girl's head, the loudspeaker crackled. "Will Ronnie Anne Santiago please report to the principal's office? Ronnie Anne Santiago to the principal's office."
Her heart sank.
She knew what this was about.
Sure enough, the nerd squealed on her. Principal Huggins sat behind his big desk with his hands steepled together and a sour expression on his face. He regarded her over his hands with a stern glare but didn't say anything. "You know why I called you here?" he asked.
"No," she lied.
"Because," he said, "you gave a swirlie to another student. I can't say I'm surprised. Your whole family has been a thorn in the Royal County school system's side. Except for Bobby. Whatever malignant little sickness runs in your family skipped him. He was a good student who never bothered anyone. You, on the other hand, are impulsive and lack even the most basic self-control."
Ronnie Anne rolled her eyes.
"You're like a little baby who can't keep from pooping in its diaper. You can't keep it together for five minutes like a normal person. You know what you need, Santiago? A babysitter. You need a babysitter because that's what you are, a baby. We can't turn our backs on you for five seconds without you getting into trouble. That's pretty sad. Most children your age can suck it up for at least a little while, but not you. You metaphorically crap your diaper like an infant. You need supervision 24/7. Baby."
A hot flush spread across Ronnie Anne's face and her hands balled into fists. She was starting to get mad…not only because he was insulting her, but because on some level, she knew he was right.
The fact that her "entire family" minus Bobby was a "thorn in blah blah blah's side", however, was news to her.
"Come in, babysitter," he called.
The door opened, and Sid Chang walked in. "Did you call me?" Sid asked. "It sounded like you said babysitter, and I'm -"
"Remember that special extra credit assignment I mentioned?" Principal Huggins asked, cutting her off.
Sid nodded boisterously. "Oh, yes. What about it?"
"You are to follow Santiago everywhere she goes. You will be in her every class, you will match her every step in the hallway. If she goes to the bathroom, you go to the bathroom. If she gets sick and goes to the nurse, you go to the nurse. As long as she is on school property, you are to shadow her 100 percent. Is that understood?"
Sid missed a beat. "Uh…okay, I guess?"
"Good," he said. "You are both dismissed."
Sighing, Ronnie Anne jumped to her feet and stormed out of the room, making sure to shoulder check Sid on the way out. Sid hesitated for a moment and looked to Principal Huggins for what to do. He shooed her away, and with a nod of understanding, she rushed after Ronnie Anne, catching up to her in the hall. "If you snitch on me, you're dead," Ronnie Anne growled.
"But Principal Huggins said -" Sid started.
"I don't care what Principal Huggins said," Ronnie Anne snapped back. "I'm telling you that if you snitch on me, I'm going to murder you. Got it?"
Sid looked scared.
"Got it?" Ronnie Anne pressed.
"Got it," Sid said.
Ronnie Anne sighed deeply. "Let's go."
For the rest of the day, Sid was her constant companion. Like Mary and her little lamb, everywhere Ronnie Anne went, Sid was sure to go. She sat next to Ronnie Anne in all her classes, followed her into the john, and stuck close to her on the playground. Ronnie Anne didn't trust that she had fully gotten her point across to Sid and that the dweebtard would absolutely snitch on her, so she tried to shake Sid on multiple occasions, but somehow, Sid always caught up to her. It was like she was part bloodhound or something. This wasn't working and Ronnie Anne felt embarrassed to have a babysitter along for the ride. The urge to shove Sid into a locker was almost irresistible. She was a record holder in that department, by the way. She once received a tongue in cheek award from her classmates for "most kids shoved into lockers." It was an oldie, yeah, but totally a goodie.
At long last, after what felt like an eternity, the final bell of the day rang and it was time to leave. Sid followed Ronnie Anne to her locker and then out into the chilly autumn afternoon. The trees overhanging the sidewalk blazed with color and a light wind pushed dead leaves across the pavement. Ronnie Anne shoved her hands into the pockets of her hoodie, lowered her head against the wind, and went down the steps. On the sidewalk, she looked back, and Sid was still following her. "You can stop now," Ronnie Anne said. "School's over."
"But -"
Ronnie Anne swung around and cocked her fist. Sid threw up her hands, let out a high pitched scream of terror, and ran away. Ronnie Anne picked a random rock up off the ground and hurled it after her, but it landed well short of the fleeing nerd. "And stay gone," Ronnie Anne called.
Turning around, she walked home through the shower of wind driven leaves. Some stuck in her hair and she removed them when she noticed them. One landed in the deflated hood of her sweat shirt and stayed there, unseen and unloved.
Ronnie Anne's house was a small ranch on a narrow side street in what passed for a rough neighborhood in Royal Woods. There was precious little crime, but the place was dirty and looked kind of like a ghetto. The rich white kids from the other side of town acted like her street was literally Compton, CA, but you could walk around at night with money-stuffed pockets and gold chains and not have to worry about getting robbed. When she walked up, Ronnie Anne noticed a white car with CHILD SERVICES parked out front. Uh-oh, looks like CPS is here to take me away for being bad.
Before Ronnie Anne could flee, the driver got out, and the passenger door swung open. Her younger cousin Ramona climbed out, her raggedy black hair done up in pigtails and her unibrow looking extra bushy. She and the driver went into the house, and Ronnie Anne cocked her head curiously. Uh…what's going on here?
Ramona and her Mom - Ronnie Anne's mother's sister - lived in Evansville, Indiana. That wasn't all that far from Royal Woods, but given that both families were poor af, it might as well have been the other side of the country. That's to say, Ronnie Anne rarely ever saw Ramona; Ramona didn't just pop in whenever she wanted like a sitcom character or something, so seeing her here was really strange.
What was going on?
Ronnie Anne decided to wait a while before going in. After the driver had left, she let herself in through the back door. Ramona was kicked back on the couch in the living room, her feet propped up on the coffee table, and Mom was bustling around the kitchen making dinner. Smelled like tamales, a dish that she only made on special occasions, like holidays. "Hey, honey," Mom greeted.
"Hey," Ronnie Anne said and unshouldered her backpack. "Uh..what's Ramona doing here?"
Mom sighed and turned to her, "She's going to be staying with us for a while."
Sitting her down at the kitchen table, Mom explained the situation to her. Ramona's mother was, to put it mildly, a junkie. Everyone in the family knew that, hell, anyone who met her for two seconds knew that. She was skinny, had no teeth, and was covered in open sores. She was the poster child for meth abuse. She held a succession of minimum wage jobs, like McDonald's, before screwing up (usually by getting high on the premises or by not coming into work) and getting fired. She also supposedly moonlighted as a prostitute, but Ronnie Anne didn't know if that was true or just cruel family gossip, but she could totally see her aunt doing something as nasty as that.
Anyway, her aunt was on probation after a recent drug bust and had been working at a Wendy's. She and Ramona were living in a one bedroom studio apartment in a brownstone testament that hadn't been renovated or updated since the 1920s. From what Mom said, she got caught having sex with her prohbation officer and her parole was violated…or something. Ronnie Anne wasn't too clear and neither was her mom. Either way, apparently fucking your PO wasn't a very good idea. She was back in jail and facing at least eight months. In the meantime, Ramona was taken away by CPS, who then methodically called everyone in the family. No one wanted to get involved; Mom was the only one who offered to take the little girl. "If I didn't," Mom finished, after having made them each a mug of hot cocoa, "they would have sent her to a group home. I couldn't let that happen to our flesh and blood so I offered to take her in."
Ronnie Anne stared down into her mug with a thoughtful expression on her face. She didn't really mind Ramona - to be completely honest, she really didn't even know her all that well - but she instantly wondered how Mom would be able to take care of her in addition to her own kids. Money was really tight around the house, since Mom didn't make very much and inflation was going crazy. There was barely enough to scrape by on as it was, now it was going to be even worse. Ramona being here was going to cut into their finances quite a lot and that, Ronnie Anne knew, meant that she, Ronnie Anne, would have to make sacrifices. She wouldn't be able to have the things she wanted, like that new video that just came out: Grand Theft Auto: Sesame Street.
That was bullshit.
Ronnie Anne sighed. "How long is she going to be here?"
"I'm not sure," Mom said.
Something occurred to Ronnie Anne. "Where is she sleeping?"
Mom flashed a sheepish smile.
Ramona, as it turned out, got Ronnie Anne's bed. Ronnie Anne was expected to crash in a sleeping bag on the floor. Standing in her room and staring at it, she started to seethe. Mom laid a steadying hand on her shoulder, and she looked up at her. "It's not fair," Ronnie Anne said. "I don't want her here. Send her to the group home."
"I know it's…an adjustment," Mom said with a charitable hesitation, "but you'll get used to it. Won't it be nice having a little friend to hang out with?"
"I don't want a friend," Ronnie Anne moaned, "I want my room back."
"You'll get used to it," was all Mom replied. Ronnie Anne guessed she couldn't blame her, what else could she say?
While Mom went to finish off the tamales, Ronnie Anne went into the living room, where Ramona was watching TV. "Hey, Ramona," Ronnie Anne said in an attempt to be nice.
Ramona grunted inarticulately.
"What'cha watching?" Ronnie Anne asked.
Ramona shushed her.
Okay then, fine. Fuck you.
"You can sleep in my bed tonight, but tomorrow, you get the floor."
"I'm not sleeping on the floor," Ramona said. "This place probably has roaches."
That pissed Ronnie Anne off. She and her mother both worked very hard to keep their home clean and tidy. Implying that there were roaches was a slap in both their faces. "This isn't your house," Ronnie Anne snapped, "we're not dirty."
Ramona lifted a pillow next to her to reveal an empty Doritos bag. Orange crumbs littered the cushion. "What's this then?"
Horror filled Ronnie Anne. "You did that," she charged.
"No I didn't," Ramona said. "Don't blame me for you being a pig. Maybe if you got off your butt and cleaned this place every once in a while, it wouldn't smell like farts and dirty feet."
That was it. Ronnie Anne grabbed Ramona by her hair and yanked her off the couch. Letting out a startled cry, Ramona lashed out and caught Ronnie Anne's hair in turn. Grunting and cursing, they yanked each other around the living room in a clumsy dance. They bumped into the coffee table, moving it, and a can of Mountain Dew - clearly Ramona's - tipped over. Yellowish liquid splashed out, ran across the flat surface of the table, and spilled onto the carpet. Maria came in from the kitchen, saw what was happening, and yelled at the to stop. "Aunt Maria!" Ramona cried. "Ronnie Anne attacked me!"
Ronnie Anne unhanded her cousin and spun around to defend herself to her mother. "No I didn't, she -"
"That's enough," Mom shouted. "I don't want to hear it. Your cousin is our guest and while she's here, you are to treat her with kindness and respect. Do you understand me?"
"But Mom -"
"No buts, young lady," Mom said sternly. "Now clean this mess up." She gestured to the dark stain on the carpet.
Ronnie Anne sighed and went to get cleaning supplies from the bathroom: A rag and a bucket of soapy water. She knelt down next to the stain and looked at the empty archway into the kitchen to make sure her mother wasn't around. She turned to Ramona and narrowed her eyes. "Thanks a lot," she hissed in a low, baleful tone.
"You're welcome," Ramona chirped.
"I hate you," Ronnie Anne said.
Ramona simply stuck her tongue out.
Ronnie Anne scrubbed the stain, muttering curses to herself under her breath, and then carried the bucket into the bathroom, where she dumped it down the shower drain. She went to her room and shut the door, being careful not to slam it. She dropped onto her bed and drew her legs up under her.
This was going to be a long couple of months, she decided.
Early the next morning, Ronnie Anne left the house at 6:36 am with Ramona in tow. Ramona, dressed in rags and still managing to look dirty even though Mom had had made her take a bath the night before, smacked a piece of gum and looked bored. Ronnie Anne would have shown her the ropes and told her about Royal County Elementary, but honestly, fuck Ramona. She was a little asshole.
Two blocks from school, Ronnie Anne was passing a bush when it began to shake and rattle. She let out a startled cry and jumped back, her hands going up in an open palmed judo chop gesture. Ramona walked up and narrowed her eyes at the bush. "What's in there?" she asked.
Ronnie Anne's heart slammed. There weren't many things that scared Ronnie Anne, but one of them was small, pissed off animals. When she was really little, she was attacked by a squirrel while playing in her backyard. She was so young that she could barely remember the incident, but she could clearly recall tiny teeth and nails raking her arm and leg, and the alien feeling of a tiny, furry thing crawling up the back of her shirt. From that point on, she had been terrified of small animals. She didn't mind big, ferocious dogs or sharks or even fat, hairy spiders, but anything from a cat on down made her quite worried.
Ramona looked from her cousin to the bush, noticing the older girl's obvious apprehension. She felt a rush of her own fear and swallowed hard. She didn't know anything about Michigan, its wildlife, or its animals. For all she knew, the place was crawling with rabid gophers or something. Ronnie Anne, on the other hand, knew this area like the back of her hand, she had been living here, like, forever after all. If she was afraid, there was probably a really good reason to be afraid.
Seeing that Ramona would be no help, Ronnie Anne took a deep breath, balled her hand into a fist, and stepped forward, stamping one foot on the concrete like some kind of anime character. "What's in there?" she asked sharply.
The shaking increased and Ronnie Anne's heart pounded even faster, if that was even possible. "Come out," she commanded, "now."
Something big and pink tumbled out of the bush, and Ramona and Ronnie Anne both wailed in terror. They hugged each other tightly and prepared to meet their maker.
Yet nothing happened.
Ronnie Anne took a good look at the thing on the ground in front of her and realized that it was not, in fact, a small and vicious mammal.
It was worse.
Sid Chang.
Sid was on her hands and knees, leaves and twigs stuck in her hair. She pushed herself up to a standing position and brushed her shirt off. "It's only me," she announced.
Flashing, Ronnie Anne shoved Ramona away and grabbed the little Asian by the front of her shirt and dragged her forward. Her feet left the sidewalk and she cried out in alarm. Ronnie Anne pressed the tip of her nose to the tip of Sid's and bared her teeth like an angry dog. The color drained from Sid's face and she squeezed her eyes shut, steeling herself for the blow that would inevitably come.
"What are you doing?" Ronnie Anne asked through her teeth.
"Nothing," Sid said, "just going to school."
"No you're not," Ronnie Anne said, "you're following me."
"No!"
Ronnie Anne cocked her fist.
"Yes! I was following you! It's my job! Please don't hurt me!"
Disgusted, Ronnie Anne shoved Sid aside and she bumped into Ramona. Ramona pushed her back and Ronnie Anne stuck out her foot. Sid tripped over it, teetered, flapped her arms like a big, flightless bird, and fell flat on her face. Ronnie Anne chuckled. "Nice one," she told her cousin.
Ramona smirked.
"You're still sleeping on the floor tonight."
Ramona frowned.
Sid picked herself up off the ground and dusted herself off once again. "I'm sorry, okay? But Principal Huggins promised me double extra credit if I keep an eye on you outside of school as well, and while this might come as kind of a shock to you, I'm kind of a nerd, and extra credit really means a lot to me."
"I'm not shocked at all," Ronnie Anne said.
"Neither am I," Ramona added, "and I don't even know you."
Donning a big, affable smile, Sid stuck her hand out. "Sid Chang, president of the science club, treasurer of the chess club, and chief financial officer of the spelling club."
When Ramona didn't take the proffered hand, Sid shook it enticingly back and forth. "I'm Ronnie Anne's math tutor."
"And my snitch bitch," Ronnie Anne said.
Sid looked contrite. "Well…maybe kind of. Look, Principal Huggins really doesn't want me to snitch on everything you do. He just wants you to stop bullying people and getting into trouble. That's all. I mean, that's not really so much to ask, is it? If you cheat on a test or something…I can overlook that, it's not a big deal and I doubt he even cares, it's the shoving people into lockers and stuff. That's his primary concern."
"You talk like a book," Ramona said, unimpressed.
"She's the biggest nerd in the whole school system," Ronnie Anne said derisively.
"Well…there's Lisa Loud," Sid pointed out.
Ah, yes, lame-o's little sister, the one with the glasses and the baggy sweater. Did she mean to dress like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo? Because that's exactly who she looked like, and every time Ronnie Anne saw her, she wanted to ask her "Where's the Mystrery Machine, fag?"
Speaking of lame-o, Ronnie Anne had been so busy with those knuckleheads Sid and Ramona the previous day that she didn't get to see much of him. Today, she decided, they would have lunch together.
Ignoring Sid, Ronnie Anne started off in the direction of school. Sid and Ramona hurried to catch up. When they got there, the first bell was exactly seven minutes and forty nine seconds from ringing. They knew that because Sid said so while staring at her watch. "Oh, my God, I've never been this late," she worried. "How can you stand it?"
Ronnie Anne just rolled her eyes.
Inside, Ramona went into the principal's office to get her schedule and Ronnie Anne went to the bathroom, Sid following. She tried to come into the stall with Ronnie Anne but Ronnie Anne slammed the door in her face. "You wait out there," Ronnie Anne said. "I'll just be a minute."
"Okay," Sid said, a note of anxiety in her voice, "no problem, just hurry up."
"No problem," Ronnie Anne said.
She sat on the closed toilet lid without pulling down her shorts and crossed her arms, a wicked little grin spreading across her face.
Now we wait.
In minutes, Sid was pacing back and forth. "Are you almost done? We're going to be late."
"Just a minute," Ronnie Anne said, "I'm pooping."
Minutes ticked by at a crawl, and Sid paced even more. Ronnie Anne could sense her mounting distress as the bell came closer and closer to ringing, and she took great satisfaction in it. "We have one minute," Sid whined, "please hurry."
In response, Ronnie Anne grunted. "Oooh, that was a big one."
Finally, the bell rang and Sid jumped. "We gotta go now," Sid said.
"Go on then," Ronnie Anne said.
"I can't," Sid moaned, "I have to stay with you."
"Oh well," Ronnie Anne said, "I'm gonna be a while."
Sid whimpered.
Ronnie Anne took out her phone and settled in for a long wait. Sid frantically paced back and forth and hyperventilated, sounding like she was going to either blow a blood gasket or break down in tears. After a good twenty minutes, Ronnie Anne grew bored of the game and came out of the stall. Sid was breathing into a random paper bag and looking crazed, hair wild and eyes wide. As soon as Ronnie Anne was done washing her hands (drawing it out and making sure to scrub every crack, crevice, nook, and cranny), Sid grabbed one of them in an iron death grip and dragged her to class. Ronnie Anne mounted a feeble protest but gave up and enjoyed how freaked out Sid was by being a little late.
When they got to class, the teacher shot them a death glare and Sid went beet red. "You're late," he said. "I would expect that from Ronnie Anne, but not from you, Sid."
"I'm so sorry," Sid said, "but -"
"No excuses," the teacher replied, "if it happens again, I'll have to take one of your good noodle stars." He nodded to the board on the wall. Sid had the most stars. Ronnie Anne the least: Zero.
"No, God, please," Sid said and sank to her knees. She balled her hands as if in prayer.
Everyone laughed at her and Ronnie Anne rolled her eyes. She dragged Sid to her feet and they sat.
For the rest of the morning, Sid was quiet and subdued, looking for all the world like someone close to her had died. At lunch, Ronnie Anne ditched her and sat with Lincoln, who was looking extra timid today. Ronnie Anne liked that about him. Timidity was kind of a turn on. If she was ever going to be in a relationship with a guy, she would have to wear the pants, so he would need to be a weak push over. "That sucks," he said when she finished telling him about Ramona.
"Yeah, but even worse is this loser named S -"
Before she could get the words out, Sid dropped her tray onto the table beside her and sat down. "Hi," Sid chirped. "I'm Sid. I'm Ronnie Anne's guardian."
Lincoln looked confused.
Just then, Ramona sat on Ronnie Anne's other side. Ronnie Anne threw her head back and let out a frustrated sigh. "What are you two doing?"
"Having lunch," Ramona said. "Is that okay with you?"
"No, go have it somewhere else."
Ramona narrowed her eyes. "I'm staying right here. Just like I'm staying in your bed."
"No you're not," Ronnie Anne said, "you're sleeping on the floor tonight."
"I slept on the floor once," Sid put in at random, "it was waaay uncomfortable."
Both Ramona and Ronnie Anne shot her dirty looks. "Why don't you go live with Sid?" Ronnie Anne asked. "No one wants you at my house."\
"Bobby and Aunt Maria do," Ramona said. "You're the one who can't go to school without having a babysitter. You live with Sid. Maybe she'll teach you something and you won't be such a screw up anymore."
Ronnie Anne's eyes filled with fire and she grabbed Ramona's shirt. Before she could lay the smackdown on her little cousin, however, the entire cafeteria went silent, and the air seemed to suck out of the room. At first, Ronnie Anne thought the reaction was to her preparing to beat someone up, and the back of her neck tingled as though she were being watched. She imagined 100 sets of eyes on her and faltered. She was already in enough trouble as it was and didn't need to get into any more. She quickly released Ramona and looked around with a sheepish smile, hoping that everyone would think that she was just joking or something.
That's when she realized that no one was looking at her. Instead, they were turned to face the front of the room. A boy and a girl were walking in, bobbing their heads and looking intimidating. They walked with an exaggerated swagger and mean mugged kids along the way. They were both blonde and had dark unibrows. The color drained from Sid's face and her mouth dropped open in shock. Ronnie Anne studied them for a moment; they seemed familiar. Finally, it hit her. Becky and Ricky Rameriz. They were both at the alternative school with her, though in different classes. She never interacted with them very much, but they were a well known gruesome twosome who picked on everyone. Think of them as kind of a bully's bully. They were extremely close (there was a rumor going around that they had sex with each other, but that was probably made up by one of their victims out of spite), and wherever one went, the other was sure to follow.
They weren't twins, Becky being a year or two older, but they might as well have been. They looked so much alike and had almost the exact same set of mannerisms and body language. It was almost like they were one being, a hive mind, a single sadistic mind in two bodies.
Ronnie Anne, of course, wasn't worried about them, but the fact that everyone else seemed absolutely terrified - Sid especially - gave her pause. "You know them?" Ronnie Anne asked Sid.
"They were here when you were in the alternative school," Lincoln said. "They moved to town and started the year in my class. A week later, they got kicked out for hanging Principal Huggins from the flag pole by his underwear."
Ronnie Anne couldn't help but snicker. She didn't like to admit that someone else's work was as good as her own, but that was the best thing she had ever heard. She bullied and picked on kids, but teachers? That was crazy lol.
"They bullied me hard," Sid said numbly. She started to hyperventilate again and held her hand to her chest, as if to keep her heart from pounding out of her chest. "They picked on her specifically," Lincoln said. "One time they flipped her upside down and dunked her into a trash can head first."
"I was washing milk and bits of food out of my hair for a week," Sid said. She favored the ether with a thousand yard stare the likes of which you usually only saw on soldiers freshly returned from combat. Ronnie Anne could almost hear that song playing that you always heard in Vietnam movies. Some folks are born made to wave the flag, oooh that red, white, and blue. She snapped her fingers in front of Sid's face. "Hello? Earth to Sid."
Sid shook her head and seemed to come awake like a woman from a trance. "They can't see me," Sid said in a panicky tone. She looked around, desperate. "You guys will protect me, right?"
Lincoln ducked his head and tried his best to hide himself from the world, Ramona shook her head, and Ronnie Anne favored the Asian with something like disgust. Becky and Ricky shoved a couple kids out of their way and started coming in the general direction of Ronnie Anne's table. Sid squealed and turned away to conceal her face. "I gotta hide," she said. She ducked under the table and curled up in a little ball. "If they asked, you didn't see me."
Part of Ronnie Anne wanted to snitch Sid out to the Rameriz siblings, but…you know what? She was already starting to feel possessive over Sid. For better or worse, the little nerd was her property, and no one was going to bully her except for her.
Sure enough, Becky and Ricky came right over as if drawn by maganants. "It smells like dork over here," Ricky said.
Becky sniffed the air. "Yeah, and homework."
"It reminds me of that girl we used to mess with," Ricky said. "The Chinese one."
"I thought she was Japanese," Becky said thoughtfully.
"Maybe," Ricky said. "What was her name? It was something dumb."
Becky stroked her chin and hummed a little. "I dunno. Sam or Suzy or something."
Ricky flashed a grin. "Remember that time we dumped her in the trash can?"
They both laughed and high fived. "You guys haven't seen a little Chinese nerd around here, have you?" Becky asked. "We wanna say hi."
"Nope," Ronnie Anne said. "I'll let you know if I do."
The Rameriz kids looked at her. "Hey, I know you," Becky said. "You were at that bullshit school with us."
"Anyone who got sent there is cool in my book," Ricky said.
Two fat kids, one with blue hair and a septum piercing, passed by, and Ricky and Becky couldn't resist the urge to go after. "Hey, fattie," Becky called.
"Nice Halloween costume," Ricky added.
They chuckled and slapped each other's hands.
When they were gone, Sid crawled out from under the table. She dusted herself off and took her seat next to Ronnie Anne. "Whew," she said, "that was really close. Thanks for covering for me. Now if I can just avoid them for the rest of my life, we'll be good."
"Do you really think you can keep ducking them?" Ramona asked.
"Yeah, that's pretty impossible," Ronnie Anne said. "You're gonna have to face them sooner or later."
Sid sighed and sagged her shoulder. "But they'll beat me up."
"Don't worry," Ronnie Anne said, "I won't let them. You're my property now."
Sid's face lit up. "You mean it?" she asked.
"Sure," Ronnie Anne said, "just as long as you don't snitch me out to Huggins."
Sid sagged again. "But -"
"No worries," Ronnie Anne said, "I get it. You're into honor and extra credit. I'll just let you take your chances with the gruesome twosome."
"NO!" Sid cried. Please! Okay, I promise, I won't tell on you."
"About anything?"
"About anything," Sid confirmed.
"Even if I rob a bank?"
Sid hesitated.
"Even if I rob a bank?" Ronnie Anne pressed.
The little nerd drew a deep sigh and let it out in a rush. Flicking her eyes to the floor as if in shame, Sid said, "Even if you rob a bank."
Ronnie Anne smiled. There were perks to having a nerd snitch, she had discovered.
This was going to be good.
