Chapter 13- One Fine Day

One Week Later

"You're sure you're gunna be okay today?"

"Will, you're the one that said you were going back to work today. Yes, we'll be just fine." The blissful week of all three of them hanging out at Jay and Hailey's place was coming to an end. It had been a week full of rest, eating, entertaining Jay, and talking through just about everything. At this stage of Jay's recovery it was like caring for a newborn. Jay's brain could only allow him two hours, at the most, of alertness and thought. He slept way more than he ever had in his life and even then was very drained and rather exhausted just about all the time. When he wasn't napping he had to be fed and made sure he got up and walked around for a little bit. It was an all night event that bled into long, tiring, but grateful days. All were delighted to see how far Jay was progressing while he was growing more and more concerned with never being able to leave the house again. When he wasn't eating or sleeping he was asking questions about all things: the cancer treatment, when he could get out of the apartment, why none of his belongings felt like his anymore, and so forth. This was all part of the adjustment period, it was never intended to be easy and quick. Of course, that was the goal of the whole thing, but that never turned out to be the case. He was changed and yet he hated that. He wanted all of the old life, minus the brain tumor and cancer diagnosis, but that simply wasn't the case. As of this point in time he was a human standing in the middle of a crossroads refusing to take the only option out of there.

"I just still hate to leave you guys and something happens," Will spoke up between sips of coffee. He was decked out in his scrubs, which he hadn't put on in weeks. His sneakers squeaked as he moved his feet under his chair. He looked so out of place in the apartment all of the sudden, the caretaker now on the verge of exiting to go help others. Hailey had to admit that she was a tinge nervous to be all by herself. Not that she was fearful of Jay or all the crazy and rare scenarios that could play out, but mostly for the fact that she was going to miss Will and his company and his vast medical knowledge. They'd become close compadres through all of this. Will was her calm, all knowing demeanor whenever things arose or something happened that she didn't have the whole truth for. Part of her did wonder what would happen if something did happen today when it was just the two of them. But whatever it may be, Jay was still Jay. He wasn't an inept human being that couldn't handle not having an answer. He was still the same guy deep down, just had a lot of other stuff going on above those layers. They would be fine.

"It's only for twelve hours, Will. Plus I'm sure he'll sleep a lot like he's done every other day. You'll be right back here tonight to help with the babysitting, right?"

"Of course!" Will finished off his breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast, rising from his seat and placing his plate and utensils in the sink. Hailey continued to sip her coffee while resting against the edge of the kitchen counter. She clung to the warm cup, willing it to wake her up as Will headed for the door. These were the final seconds of the two of them together and she didn't want to ignore it. She already felt bad enough that Will had to make his own food and eat for the most part in silence and cold. The heat forgot to kick on overnight and only when Hailey smelled the bacon in the pan did she get up and figure things out. She waited till he had returned from the guest bedroom with phone, wallet, and his backpack of goods in hand before walking through the kitchen to see him out the door.

"So, what will you two do today," Will inquired while donning his beanie before grabbing the jacket.

"I don't know. Maybe use those Christmas gifts," she teased. Will mocked throwing up which made her chuckle. What was she going to do without him today.

"Kidding. I'm sure we'll hang out here and watch TV or something."

"Remember, not too much of that." Hailey nodded, placing her cup on the front entry table as Will opened the door.

"Ugh, do you really have to go today?" Will rolled his eyes.

"You literally just said you were going to be fine."

"I know it's just…I'm gunna miss this."

"Me too. Isn't that weird that we're missing all the chaos of this crazy thing?!" Hailey smirked as Will waved, stepping out into the hallway and heading in the direction of the elevator.

"Have a good shift," she called out.

"I'll check in on you guys when I can," he called back. Hailey stood in the doorway till the elevator arrived and Will got on. One last wave, one final bid farewell, and just like that it was just her and Jay. This was about as solo as she'd ever felt in her life. There was no safety net, there was no back up. It was just her and a recovering Jay. What could possibly be so bad about that.

Her first move was to stand still and listen, take in just how quiet the place was. Last she checked on Jay he was very much asleep, which she figured he still was given that if he was up he'd be out of bed and wandering around now. That was something he started doing a couple days ago. She woke one time to him standing at the window in the bedroom, staring out into nothing. Another time he was in the kitchen, fridge door open wide as he just stared at the contents. They weren't sure if this was Jay trying to do things and just running out of steam or ideas or if he was still trying to grasp his surroundings and place in everything. It was an act that was a little out of character for him but something they figured was all part of the recovery process. At some point it would all stop…or so they hoped. But as Hailey stood in the entryway she couldn't help but find peace and comfort in how quiet the place was. It was all so still, so relaxed that for a split second it all felt so normal. There wasn't the sounds of a ventilator breathing in and out, IV stands beeping that eerie and loud alarm for when things were running out. There weren't strange medical people poking and prodding and asking eight thousand questions that she didn't have the answer to. No one was racing in here because Jay was in peril and Jay wasn't up and asking about things or needing help. As she looked around the place all she saw was normal life. The couch was a bit out of place, there was clothing and shoes over in a corner, and she knew the kitchen needed to be tidied. All of these 'issues' to some were very minor things in her life and things she could tackle right now.

Which is exactly what she did. For the next half an hour she walked room to room and tidied, cleaned, got things back to how they should be. All Will's breakfast mess was cleaned up and thrown into the dishwasher before she found the clothes and started a load of laundry. It wasn't till she looked at the clock and noted it was after 8am now before working up the courage to head back into the bedroom. The whole thing was so odd, stopping herself to wonder why she was so terrified to go back in there. She'd just shared a bed with him all night and been by his side for close to five years now, there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Perhaps Will's planted seed of things going awful were the root cause of it all. She took a breath as she placed her hand on the door handle, turning it slowly so it didn't squeak and wake Jay, breathing a sigh of relief when the door revealed Jay still in bed. He was resting on his left side, eyes peacefully closed shut as he rested onward. It was the exact same way she left him and just one look at him made her feel like an idiot for being remotely nervous. It was Jay. It was still him. Whatever did or did not happen today they were going to be just fine. They were in this thing no matter what.

"Hey," faintly slipped out from his lips, which made Hailey jump a little. A millisecond later she remember the very slow wake ups. No one knew how long it would last, but Jay's hatred for mornings was very apparent now. It took him a couple resurfaces before he was able to function enough to sit up and roll out of bed. It typically began with quick communication before nodding off for another half hour or so before he tried once more. Sometimes that would be enough to sit up in bed and have a quick dose of coffee, other times he needed one more attempt. Each day was different, but overall it was obvious that he really struggled with waking up. He did before surgery and since then that fact had been exaggerated.

"Good morning," she called back, making a beeline for the bed and landing on her stomach on her side of the bed. She brushed a hand on his back as his arms slowly moved towards his face, rubbing his eyes into finally waking up.

"Will just left a few minutes ago," she quietly spoke. Jay yawned, surprising Hailey by rolling onto his back, sighing as he looked up at the ceiling. This was the most amount of movement on the first try since getting home.

"Why didn't you guys get me up?" Hailey sighed.

"Because you need to sleep, dude," she joked, lovingly smacking his arm as Jay did his best to smirk. It wasn't more then a quick mouth movement but hey, it's the attempt that counted.

"So…it's just us today?"

"It sure is," she responded. It's important to note that Jay could not roll his head to the surgical side. With things still healing any kind of pressure on that side sent huge pain waves all over. So talking to him while they were laying down in bed was looking at him while he looked at the ceiling. It was an unusual way to talk to him but it worked nonetheless.

"Hey, more of your glue is coming off," Hailey pointed out, sitting up a little as she noted another large piece that was flaking off. It was very common this far out of surgery for things to be falling off. It started a day or so ago. So far a portion of the glue on the main incision was off and both the burr holes were glue free. This morning it was one of the sights from the pins that were screwed into place.

"Can you get it," Jay asked? Hailey nodded as she gingerly gripped the edge, pulling till Jay said it was too much. Luckily the whole thing came off in one piece. It was interesting seeing the incisions now. With the glue off they weren't quite as prominent and scary as they once were. The glue seemed to act as a magnifier in a way, making them look far larger and more daunting then they truly were. Granted where they were and the number of them was still unsettling, but now seeing them as thin red lines on Jay's head it made it all seem a little more alright. Hailey turned to looked at the glue on the other side of his head and noted that it too was ready to go. Another quick pull and in no time both head pin points were glue free. All that was left was the main incision pieces and where the ICP monitor was. He was so close to being done with dressings and glue.

"How does it look," Jay asked as he rubbed the glue pieces in his hand. Hailey had given them to him since he liked to feel the things. It was weird, but feeling them in his hands and not on his head was a very satisfying thing for him. It proved that it wasn't on his head anymore and he was that much closer to looking and feeling normal once more.

"It's not bad at all. The incisions are a little red but remember Will said it's because it's healing and new skin." She ran her hands along the top of his head, still not totally okay with feeling skin instead of hair. After a week's worth of daily showering most of the Sharpie lines were gone, leaving behind his skin and incisions. She thought she'd get more used to Jay without hair, but to be perfectly honest it was a look that was never going to be comfortable with. Perhaps it was the story behind the whole new look, but even this many days in with him not having anything on to shield it, she was still taken aback every now and then. Typically it was when they first woke up in the morning, or just random quick glances here and there. She could get behind the mood swings and lack of energy and understand why that was all happening, but to have this stark and glaring exterior change was this huge and ugly reminder of why things were so different right now. Her love and support of him never wavered, but just getting that visual reminder every time she looked at him was a tough pill to swallow.

"I know, it looks bad," Jay spoke up, feeling her fingers trace where things once were. They all got it, things were just weird and odd looking but at the end of the day, it was his decision. It was what it was and it would grow back.

"It really doesn't."

"You're a bad liar," Jay joked. Hailey smirked, sighed as she leaned over and planted a kiss on his lips, Jay doing the same right back. They locked in a couple more times before Hailey pulled away, running her fingers over his head one more time before sitting right next to him, their fingers interlocking as she spoke.

"It'll grow back. It's just…different. But bald and all, I still love you."

"Well that's good to know since this might be a preview of the future way down the road." Hailey snorted as she laughed through closed eyes, earning herself a chuckle from Jay as he tugged on their held hands.

"I will buy you a wig then."

"It better be a good one. I don't want some cheap toupee."

"Deal," she joked, bending back down for a final kiss before getting the day going.

"Okay, meds. What's going on?"

"The usual." Hailey nodded, hesitating over the bottles for a moment, trying to gather her bearings. She watched Will do this every morning, but to be the person running the whole thing now was kind of daunting. So many labels, so many drug names and dosages, she was struggle here.

"It's the bottle in the back right there," Jay pointed out, waiting till she grabbed the bottle before moving on.

"And then that one over there…and that one. And that last one on the end and that's it." Hailey smirked, gathering the items before handing them off to Jay, who grabbed his water bottle and began swallowing.

"I didn't know you'd been paying attention this whole time," she noted. Jay nodded as he swallowed the last of the morning pills.

"See? We make a good team. We've got this."

"That we do." The two of them locked eyes, smiled at each other while speaking a million words at once. They had this. Both would never admit to being scared about this first solo day and being completely on their own for the first time in weeks. But together, they were gunna get through it and be just fine.

"With it just us today…do you have any great plans for the day," Hailey asked? Jay didn't have to think hard about that one. Honestly he'd been antsy for this day. Will would never let it fly, but Hailey he could probably get her to understand where he was coming from.

"I want to get out of the house," he was quick to spit out, waiting till she sat back on the edge of the bed and began to fumble over words to keep going.

"I don't want the first time I leave the house to be the doctor's appointment. I want to trial run this…given what happened the last time." Hailey sighed, she got why he wanted this and was kind of expecting it at some point soon. He'd been stuck in this room, in portions of the apartment for several days now. Never in his life had he been sequestered in one place for this long. Even when he had the flu last year he was up and walking out the door day three, only to be sent home a couple hours later but still…there was no keeping Jay inside forever. So part of her was very proud of him for waiting as long as he did. But then the fear of something happening crept in. This is was unforeseen event Will warned of, she feared. Jay would have some huge setback while they were out and it would be fully on her to get him help. She wanted so badly to give Jay what he wanted, but fear was winning right now.

"It doesn't have to be for very long and if I feel anything I will tell you. Hailey, come on. I need to get out of here or I'm gunna go crazy."

"Wait so…that whole freak out in the kitchen the other night wasn't you going crazy," she teased?

"That was me trying to make food and Will was babying me and you know how much I hate that." Hailey smiled, nodding as she looked down at the floor, the window, anything but him. She knew the second she locked in on those puppy dog pleading eyes she'd lose this debate.

"It could even be a walk around the block. I don't care. But I need to get out of here and I need to just see how I do. Let me try. I feel like I can do it." Hailey sighed, tapping his leg a couple times before eyeing Jay and scanning for weakness. He didn't budge, just silently pleaded for her to get it, to say yes. Honesty either way he was getting out of here, it was with her blessing or not. He was that fed up with being contained in these walls.

"Let me think about it. I'll feel much better if you sleep a little bit longer. Do you want food before that?"

"No," Jay yawned.

"I think I'd fall back asleep before taking the first bite." Hailey nodded before pulling the blankets back up and planting one more kiss on Jay's cheek, to which he rolled his eyes and claimed he didn't need all the babying.

"Do you want me to stay with you till you fall asleep?"

"I'm okay either way. Why don't you get some shut eye? It's just the two of us so there's no one here to wake us up and judge."

"Well when you put it that way," she said, climbing onto the bed and working her way to her side.

"I'd never say no to hanging out in bed with you."

"Oh that was an awful line," Jay joked, which made Hailey laugh more as she pulled the blankets up to her shoulders.

"Shut up," she threw back, the two of them settling down and dozing off in no time. So far, solo day was turning out to be a rather fine one.

It was Hailey's vibrating phone that finally woke them up, Jay grunting something about getting the call as Hailey moaned and rolled in the direction of the phone. When her bleary eyes finally cleared enough for her to read things, it was a series of missed texts from Will, growing more worried by the text. What started as a simple question to Jay's wellbeing turned into many question marks, followed by confessions of being worried and a willingness to run back home if he didn't get an answer.

"It's just Will," she spoke while clearing her throat, sighing as she sat up in bed to alert Will that all was well.

"Who else would it be," Jay jokingly inquired, rolling onto his back and staring up at nothing in order to grasp his bearings. This awakening was a lot better than earlier in the day. For starters he wasn't groggy and furthermore, he felt the urge to get out of bed. A good sign that he was awake enough for the day and was ready to take things head on. He quietly stared out at the window as he listened to Hailey's fingers flailing against her phone screen. Whatever she was writing was lengthy and thorough.

"What the heck could he possibly want that warrants this kind of texting?" Hailey snickered, shaking her head as she hit send.

"Well he was on his way here so I had to tell him that all is well and that he needed to get back to work." She just about tossed the phone in the space on the bed between her and Jay, sliding down onto the pillows a little as she looked his way. Jay took her movement as a sign to sit up as well, soon the two of them sitting up in bed, alone, wondering what to do next.

"What time is it," Jay asked?

"Close to 11:30," she spoke after checking her phone for confirmation. Jay's growling stomach made both of them smile. It was the cue to get things going. Because once Jay got hungry it was a race to settle it before he grew rather starving. When he reached that stage he was a fowl mood, lethargic child basically.

"Before I fell asleep, I had a great idea," Hailey began. Jay tuned in a little more, really locking eyes with her as he nodded for her to go on.

"How about for this very first day with just us, I make dinner."

"Interesting idea," Jay teased.

"This sounds so…normal." Hailey nodded, loving this whole thing. Who would've thought that making dinner could be such a special event.

"So I was thinking of doing some roast chicken…maybe some mashed potatoes and a veg?!"

"So far so good."

"But, we don't have all the ingredients." Jay's face lit up, already three steps down from her plan. It was going to be a grocery store, a mundane place that few don't think twice about visiting or even loathe the idea. But right now, at this very point in time, you might as well have told him he was leaving the country for an exotic beach.

"I really like this plan," Jay perked up, totally going along with the suspenseful layout of things.

"So…why don't you and I go shop at Whole Foods for all the stuff, come home, and then spend the rest of the day smelling roasted chicken while we watch something."

"I think that sounds amazing. A totally normal day doing normal things."

"I know. So crazy, right?!" Jay's stomach growling yet again made both of them roll their eyes, beginning the process of rising out of bed. Hailey was on her feet first, grabbing for a sweatshirt as Jay outstretched his arms and yawned.

"Breakfast first?" Jay nodded, pulling the blankets off of him and swiveling to the side of the bed and standing. He still had a small wobble to him, taking a step or two the wrong way before figuring things out. The dizziness in changing heights and stances was still coming to him, but given where he was a week ago he was doing amazing.

"What do you want?"

"How about we both make the bed and then we both eat breakfast together?!" Hailey was loving the plan. They made fast work of making the bed, each pulling their respective sides up before layering the pillows the correct way. From there Jay grabbed his phone from the bedside table as Hailey waited at the bedroom door before the two of them made their way to the kitchen. Jay noted how quiet everything was, how alone they were and how nice that was. Out of habit at this point Hailey started for the fridge, about to grab items to make a breakfast, but Jay stopped her right then.

"It's long past my time to make you something."

"Jay, it's fine. Plus you can't do that right now. Come on, just sit and I can make something." But Jay was insistent, saying he was going to make something for her. They settled on her brewing coffee while he got breakfast. She hit the button on the coffee maker before sitting down on a barstool at the counter and watched Jay's interpretation of cooking.

"Raisin Bran or Life cereal." Hailey smiled wide, chuckling as she watched him get all dorky while waiting or her answer. Even if it was a bowl of cereal, she was immensely proud of him for doing all of this.

"Raisin Bran."

"With sugar?"

"Oh, you know me so well." Jay rummaged around the kitchen for a few seconds, trying to figure out where things were and gather what he needed. Hailey's joy faded as she watched him struggle. He knew where things were. He'd done this so many times since they moved in. She wasn't sure if this was the injury, his lack of feeling like he owned things, or some other setback. But as he struggled to find what he truly knew by heart, it brought the new reality into focus. He truly was trying, trying to make her feel better and see that he was fine and doing well. But, it was hard to ignore the facts of life now.

"Okay," he announced as he set the bowls, spoons, cereal, milk, and sugar container on the counter and divided things between Hailey and himself. He poured the cereal in first before doing the milk to her liking, sprinkling the sugar on top and moving the completed meal to her.

"I hope you like it," he spoke, watching her spoon the first bite into her mouth. Only when she gave a thumbs up did he take a seat next to her and begin eating.

"Oh, coffee," she spoke with food in her mouth, dashing to the pot and pouring two cups and setting things next to their spots. For the next minute or so it was spoons clanking and cups going from mouth to counter, the usual sounds of hungry people eating what their body craved. Only when she emptied her bowl did she begin the morning banter.

"So, eight days at home…are we feeling more like we're at home?" Jay looked up from his bowl, turning in his seat to survey the place before shaking his head a little.

"Kind of?! It's…getting better." Hailey sighed, nodding a little as she picked her coffee cup up and brought it to her lips, sipping before she spoke again.

"Jay, you don't have to put the front up with me. It's just us. You don't have to impress me or make me think things are better than they are, okay?! I'm here for you no matter what." Jay nodded, taking a breath before speaking up.

"I know…it's just…really hard to explain." "Try me." Jay cocked his head her direction, looking at something past her as he spoke.

"It's like…there's something missing. Like, I'm not supposed to be here."

"Meaning you aren't supposed to be…alive?!" Jay shook his head.

"No, it's like…when we came in here it was a good thing. It was a freedom, a big positive step in our lives. But now, this thing that we built so quickly turned into something bad. What was once a good, freeing thing now just feels like a prison or this bad thing. There's just something missing. This was not what we intended." The room was quiet for a little bit, Hailey taking it all in and trying to figure out what to say next. Because he was absolutely spot on. The joy and happiness they once had had completely vanished from their lives. They didn't spend the days enjoying each other and this new life they were just beginning to build. Every waking moment was about recovery and the tumor and cancer and whatever other terrible thing was coming down the line. They never talked about normal things anymore, they never brought up work or things to do after work, or just had regular life plans. And that was the unspoken of, horrible side effect of fighting something that was slowly killing you. Certainly medicine and treatments could cure you, but it was the invisible, intangible thing called life that was sucked out of you forever. Gone was the joy and in its' place all kinds of awful things. So she now understood what Jay was talking about. He, in his current state, wasn't supposed to be here. None of them were. This was not in the cards or even on the horizon. So no wonder he didn't feel like he fit in anymore.

"You feel like we're trying to make a life, a future fit into a scenario that doesn't apply to us anymore." It appeared a lightbulb had gone off in Jay's mind, his face lit up, eyes wide as his whole person inhaled with relief.

"Yes!" He sighed a massive sigh, resting his elbows on the counter as he breathed alleviation. Hailey nodded, now getting it but also feeling more lost.

"So, does that mean we need to move? Not see each other anymore? I'm not sure what to do." Jay took her hand in his, turned and waited for her to face him, staring into her soul it felt like before speaking.

"No, that's not the solution. The last thing I want is for you to leave…or for us to leave all of this."

"Okay?! So, get married? Run off? I'm really trying here Jay but I don't have an answer."

"No, drastic stuff like that is just a bandaid. It's not figuring things out." Hailey nodded, looking down at their hands before continuing.

"So…what do you want me to do?" Jay thought for a moment, looking around the place once more before slouching his shoulders.

"Just give me time. I need normal days and time. I don't know why I didn't think about this whole part. I just saw it as a problem that was going to get fixed. I was so focused on that that I didn't think about the other side. The waking up to…nothing. That's my fault and my issue and I need to sort things out."

"Jay, I don't think anyone has all of that figured out. This whole tumor thing and cancer is super rare, you just never think it's going to happen to you. Plus, it happened so fast that I don't think any of us thought past surgery day. It was scary, it still is, but we're all here now and you're doing really amazing. So, please tell me what you need or don't need and I will do my best. I'm here with you in this for the long haul." Jay nodded, squeezing her hand a couple times, swinging their locked hands as he smiled at her, doing his very best to make her feel better. She got as far as smirking at him, sighing as she looked out at the apartment. She hated that he felt this way, felt so lost and out of place in a life and world that he truly belonged in. But there was no magic fix for it, he had to work this out on his own. It was all part of the adjustment period, taking those first steps in a post major brain surgery world. It wasn't always going to be pretty, but the fact he even had the opportunity to try it was miraculous. Knowing where they were a month ago, being here, having this talk was uncharted territory.

"Jay, I just want you to know that you are home. This is your space. It may not feel like it, but you are home and you did make it." He nodded, smiling at her before letting go of her hand.

"I know. I'm trying. But thank you. And today is definitely helping. And leaving the house will too."

"See?! You called it the house. That's good!" Jay leaned in to kiss her cheek, Hailey returning the favor with a quick peck back. The two of them got up from their seats, the two of them cleaned up the kitchen and polished off the coffee pot before heading back into the bedroom and getting themselves ready for the day. Showers would happen when they got back home, best to take advantage of the early hour to the shopping day before things got crazy. For the first time in over a week Jay grabbed his boots, pulled them on, before grabbing a beanie and gently placing it on his head. The two of them made sure to bundle up and don their heavy coats before getting out the door. Hailey did a final scan of Jay, making sure he put things on right and observing that he looked every bit like any other guy out there. No one would guess this was his first time outside since major brain surgery.

"Come on, I'm missing the cold and the truck," he teased as he held the door open for her. She couldn't help but roll her eyes and she smacked his arm on the way out. He was never going to change. Some days she thought he loved that truck more than her. They were off to have a completely normal day.

"I don't know about this spot," Jay eventually announced, looking out the windshield, passenger window, and the back countless times before spilling his confession. Hailey epically rolled her eyes, putting the truck in park before beginning to unbuckle herself.

"Jay, look around. We one of…five people in this parking lot. I parked as far away from the store as I could, avoiding all cart collection spots and any kind of car that would have a swinging door. Which would be all of them. We are perfectly fine here to the point that we are flirting with frostbite getting from here to the front of the store." Jay's second attempt at living out in the world went so splendidly that it was bordering on annoying. In Hailey's mind this was going to be a quiet ride with Jay so consumed with his surroundings and the snow and whatever else that he wouldn't even notice her driving him around, or how she was driving him around. Oh how completely wrong she was. The entire way it was all about getting reacquainted with his beloved truck. Before they even set off he was checking settings on the radio, car, you name it he did a thorough inspection. Every acceleration she could feel his tension, sense that he really wanted her to slow down so as not to damage anything. It was at a light when he asked about temperature gauges and keeping things under 4000 RPM, so as to avoid damaging things in the freezing cold, that she just about lost it. Had it not been his first time outside of the apartment since getting home from the hospital she'd have kicked him out onto the sidewalk and driven off as fast as she could just to rub things in. At this very moment in time she was hating that she caved to his crazy idea of getting out.

"Yeah, but…something might happen."

"Jay, if this wasn't our first time leaving the house I'd send you inside the store all by yourself while I sit in here and mess with something so minute and annoying and make you guess what it was the entire way home. Please, for the love of my sanity, stop. We're. Fine." Jay was fully aware he was getting under her skin, was completely aware that he was being a tad picky with things. But this was his baby and he hadn't seen it in over a week. Let alone that he hadn't driven it in over a month. He got that this was a whole guy thing and that no one understood his truck antics. But still, the last thing he wanted was his very first time outside of the apartment turning into his worst nightmare: the truck getting some kind of damage or mechanical issue. So as he looked out at the world once more, trying his very best to see things Hailey's way and fully embrace this idea that all was well, he sighed as he unbuckled himself.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. It's just that.."

"-You're nervous?!" Jay had to admit there was some of that mixed in. That perhaps his over worrying of the truck was him trying to bury the real fear of things. The last thing he wanted was to be throwing up in the dairy isle, or passing out as they were checking out. Furthermore he did not want another ride home like the last one and certainly didn't want the recovery from all of that again. It was awful the first time around and he never wanted a repeat.

"Maybe," was the best he could come up with. Because after all this is Jay Halstead who never shows weakness.

"Hey, so far you've done really well. Far better than the last time. Did you take your anti-nausea stuff before we left?" Jay nodded.

"And the seizure stuff and the thing for dizziness."

"So see?! You're gunna be fine. Try to not think about things. Because, normal people don't think about what's going to happen. They just do it. We're going to walk in, get what we need, and come back out. Sound like a good plan?" Jay nodded, confirming that he was ready by putting his gloved hand on the door handle and throwing himself into the bitter January day. He waited for Hailey to get out on her side and lock the truck before the two of them walked across the parking lot shoulder to shoulder. It would've been too corny to hold hands and they just weren't that couple. Jay was very quick to note the vast improvement from that day coming out of Northwestern. For starters he was walking, not being wheeled out in a wheelchair like he was some ancient miracle of a human. But also he wasn't exhausted at the halfway point. He was just walking, looking around, noting that it was somehow colder this day then the day he was last outside. The glare of the sun against the snow piles wasn't bothering him quite as much today. This time around he could actually recognize the snow and note at how much there was and suddenly had an urge to run over, grab a fist full of it, and launch at someone. It was something he never thought to do in his adult life, but there was just so much joy and excitement in him for being outside and walking and just doing a normal thing, the urge was right there. But going with his better judgement, he followed Hailey through the sliding doors and was greeted by a huge blast of hot air. It was at this exact moment that his first 'oh shit,' moment smacked him in the face without warning.

Sound. It was something he hadn't thought much of but all of the sudden was so completely and overly aware of. He had never even contemplated sounds, noises, clattering and clanging before in his life up until this very second in time. No one ever thinks about sounds, no one wonders what they mean to them. Sound is just sound. It's a noise of life that you hear from infancy to the very moment you pass away. But as Hailey grabbed a shopping cart and wiped things down with a wipe, Jay was tuning all energy and hearing ability in the direction of what was going on on the other side of the sliding doors. The scanning of items at the checkout. The radio playing outdated pop tunes over the entire store. Shopping carts and their squeaky wheels rattling up and down the aisles. Calls to produce or the meat department blasting without warning. People talking, kids crying, greeters calling out, just so much movement and noise that it was very quickly and fully consuming Jay and putting pure, unadulterated, true fear inside of him. Forget fear, it was now at full panic. A quick fly through the last couple weeks brought forth this truth that Jay had never experienced noise at this magnitude since surgery. When he woke up from surgery, he had earplugs in. When they weren't in things were super quiet, calm, peaceful. At home no one talked above a normal level and no music was played and certainly the TV was kept on at a minimum and at a lower noise level. So this was going to be his first time hearing things, life things. He was being thrown in the deep end his first time out and quite honestly that scared the crap out of him. He genuinely felt a panic attack coming on, wanting to double over in the middle of the walkway and puke his guts out. It took everything to not turn around and walk back out into the frigid, but silent, parking lot.

"Do…do do you have earplugs," mumbled out of his mouth. Hailey looked away from the trash can where she was placing her soiled wipe and up at Jay with a very puzzled look.

"What?!" But it was the ghostly, haunted, fear gripped look he was sporting that made her gently grab his arm and pull him to the side, close to the sensors so that, unfortunately, the doors kept opening and closing; sending blasts of hot air and cold outside wind in and out. Which honestly was a good thing since it kept Jay from passing out or doing anything else. She stood on the tips of her toes, grabbing his jacket on each arm and not budging till he peeled away from the doors in front of him and looked at her.

"Jay, you are going to be just fine."

"The noise," was all he could puff out before lowering his head in shame. She could see how badly he wanted to do this, but the fear of something so normal and accompanied with life was probably equal, if not winning out. She turned to look at the doors into the store, sighing before looking back at him. She shook his jacket a little so as to get his attention back and smiling as she nodded.

"How about this. I will run in and buy some earplugs and bring them to you, then we will go inside. Are you going to be okay right here by yourself for a couple minutes?" Jay nodded, wiping under his nose as he stood a little straighter.

"Are you sure? I'm trusting you to not freak out or pass out on me, okay?! Will will for sure kill me if anything happens." Jay smirked, nodding in total agreement.

"I will stay right here with the cart. And yes, I will be okay."

"Good. Now, can we move away from the door so we don't keep opening and closing things?" Jay nodded, following her to the cart before resting against the thing and watching her start to head in.

"I'm sorry," he called to her, which earned him a stern glare.

"Do not apologize. You are doing great so far. I should've thought about the whole noise thing before. I don't know how I forgot about the sound sensitivity."

"I mean, I forgot too." Hailey smirked, pointing at the cart and making him swear to stay there. He rolled his eyes, shooing her into the store before waiting very patiently for her return. Luckily no one else walked into the store during this time, so the number of people wondering why this guy was just randomly standing in the walkway was zero. Hailey was back in a little over three minutes, waving the box of earplugs proudly at Jay and making quick work of opening the box.

"And see, no one can even tell you have them on," she pointed out as Jay rolled the beanie back down over his ears.

"How's the hearing," she asked?

"Muffled but better. Thanks."

"Hey, I've got you. Remember?" Jay smirked as she took the cart pushing duties from him, ushering for him to go through first. It was a brave first step, followed by a second semi-confident step. By the time the elusive glass doors slid open he was feeling a lot more like himself, which was very odd yet quite welcomed.

"What vegetable do you want for dinner," she asked as they perused the produce section. Jay had locked in on a watermelon, daydreaming over why the thing was even there and how it could possibly be ripe at this time of year. All walking and sense of normalcy lasted about thirty seconds. His eyes went to the watermelon and he stood there staring at it for a little longer than most people would. Hailey's question was the verbal tug at his sleeve to cut it out. He was supposed to be acting normal and was kind of failing epically right now.

"Uuummm, what do they have," he nervously asked? Hailey did everything to not burst out laughing.

"Basically everything," she said, motioning to the rather full and vast and colorful department. Jay was a florescent shade of red as he realized the stupidity of his question, yanking himself away from the watermelon as he looked out at all the options. His eyes spotted a large pile of moistened green beans in a bin across the walkway. At this time his brain was still in the early stages of reacquiring itself with observation and names and so forth, so the fact he locked in on that and immediately thought of the name told him that was the best option.

"Green beans?!"

"Was that a question or suggestion," she joked. Jay sighed, rolling his eyes before hanging his head in embarrassment.

"Hey, it's your dinner. You get to choose anything."

"Green beans," Jay said once more, far more confident in his decision.

"That sounds awesome. Do you want to go get them?"

"Uuummm, sure," he nervously spoke, looking around for a bag, something to put them in.

"Bags are right there," she pointed to, watching him slowly walk across the walkway, pull the bag out of the roll, and very carefully place a couple handfuls into the plastic bag. It was like watching a toddler do the task, Jay struggling with opening the plastic bag before looking around to make sure no one saw. She was practically beaming when he came back with the bag about halfway full.

"Low five, so no one sees us high-fiving over green beans," she said while she placed her hand down by the cart. Jay snorted, patting her palm before throwing the bag of beans into the cart.

"Good job, you looked every bit normal."

"Oh good, I'm glad," he joked back. Who would've thought grocery shopping could be a high stakes sport.

"Still feeling okay?! No freak outs or setback or anything?" Jay shook his head.

"Nope, doing okay so far."

"Excellent! Now, is there anything else here that you'd like?" Jay looked around, noting the citrus section and fruits and traditional veggies before venturing to the stuff that was food he most definitely never purchased let alone knew the name of. He went back to the watermelon, almost salivating for it. He was so curious about what January watermelon tasted like that without warning he just started walking over, grabbed one, and held it with embarrassed pride.

"Okay…that's a first," Hailey teased as he put the thing in the cart.

"I just wanna try it." Hailey's eyes drifted over to the back of the produce section, lighting up in remembering that she needed potatoes.

"Hey, can you go run and get a small bag of potatoes?" Jay was much quicker to move this time, going right to where things were, holding the bag up, and waiting till Hailey approved before heading back.

"Perfect! Next is the chicken." The two of them slowly walked their way to the meat department, Jay taking in the sights and smells of fish and beef and whatever else was between produce and the meat spot. He was ever delighted in how normal he was feeling and looking, despite all the hiding of many things. He was never going to take such a boring task like food shopping for granted ever again. Because when you've been through major brain surgery and you wake up unable to do really anything for yourself, this was like walking across a stage and getting a diploma for normal life resumption. The two of them worked through the cold storage bin of fresh chicken, picking just what they needed. It had to be big enough to feed three people with a day or so of leftovers added. It was so freeing and normal to just think about the size of a chicken and not the size of a tumor in his brain. They weren't worrying about how Jay was going to breathe or speak or remember anything but instead, what herbs and spices would go well with their meal that evening. The whole half hour they were in that store, gathering items for dinner and other things Jay pointed out along the way, was so incredibly beautiful in the most routine of ways. They were happy, they never once talked about cancer or a tumor or whatever dark tale the future had in store for them. On the outside they were two totally normal people walking amongst very few shoppers, no one looking at Jay weirdly or wondering what terrible thing was going awry in his life. This little trip was the absolutely perfect way to introduce him to the world. Because it proved to him that he was a normal guy who had normal needs and things to do and also, that he was capable of achieving it all. It was at the checkout that he whispered to Hailey that he was starting to get tired, a cue that their blissful time of normalcy was going to have to come to an end. Hailey suggested that he make a start for the truck and she'd be done soon, but Jay promised he could make it till they were both back out there. He'd come this far he was not about to crumble at the eleventh hour. A quick nod and thanks to the person who checked them out was his final push of energy, he was very quiet and a lot slower going through the parking lot on the exit. He successfully handed off one grocery bag to her to place in the back seat before she fully saw just how drained he was. It was the eyes that gave it away, the complete dejection of exhaustion all over his face that instructed him to get in and lay the seat back as she wrapped up. Jay was too tired to protest, just barely making it into his seat before his eyelids got super heavy. The cart was returned to the cart collection spot quickly and she quietly got into the driver's seat before starting things up. Jay had his head tiled to the left, both arms folded into his lap and mouth open but a little as he breathed. He'd made it through and was paying the price now.

"Proud of you," she spoke as she put the truck into drive and started rolling. Apparently Jay wasn't completely drained and out of it, because he flung his hand onto the console as a gesture to hold her hand; and who was she to leave him hanging. It was a quiet ride home, but in a very good way. Jay was resting and Hailey was enjoying the lack of backseat pestering.

It was the scent of food that stirred him from his slumber. The aroma of roasting chicken, loaded in butter and herbs and all other kinds of fattening goodness had wafted it's way into the bedroom, forcing even the most exhausted of a human to get up and find the source of the Heavenly smell. Jay rolled away from his left and onto his back, breathing normally through his mouth as he blinked his eyes into submission. It took a couple times, many blurry attempts before things mellowed out, but before long he was able to take in his surroundings. It was a place he'd spent many an hour in over the last few weeks. However, for the first time since getting home he wasn't awakened to a jolt of uneasiness or lack of understanding where he was. He was in his room. He was in his bed. He was in his clothes. He was back at his home. The only thing that was puzzling him was how he got here. Because the last true, clear memory he had was falling asleep in the truck, now wondering if Hailey had to somehow drag him from the street to the car. Or, God forbid a neighbor assisted at some point along the way. Slowly, but successfully, Jay pulled the two layers of blankets off of him, noting that his clothing wasn't too disheveled and his socks were still on his feet. In his attempt to sit up he began shivering rather epically. This was a new thing for him, that despite having a thermal layer on and a waffle knit, he felt like he was standing outside totally naked. Without much thought he rose out of bed, stumbling to the side as the now common dizziness arrived. With outstretched hands he landed on the edge on the end of the bed, shaking and shivering now as he closed his eyes and breathed.

"Come on…come on," Jay willed himself, begging for the dizziness to end. He was praying this wasn't the start of another sensory overload episode. He'd done so well today, he didn't want all of it to be in vain. He wanted to prove that he could leave the house and be okay. Furthermore he didn't want Hailey to feel bad for doing something that wound up harming him. He just wanted to be okay. He stood perfectly still in his place, praying over and over again for things to cease, to just stop. This was a small, but big fight here. He had to push himself, he had to start trying once more. His weary brain got him this far, it was time to start pushing it back to levels that he could fully function and live with. Mercifully, and graciously, the world stop spinning in his mind. Jay counted to ten before prying one eye open at a time. His little world came back to him, the room had stopped moving around him and he could stand on his own. Jay slowly pulled away from the bed, taking one hand off at a time before taking a step back, and then another. He looked down at his hands, his feet, felt all extremities moving and sensed his body steady, level, alright. He couldn't help but smile at himself. He was okay…if only for a few hours. Ever so slowly he found a hoodie on the floor, pulling it up and over his head before putting sleeves in one at a time. It was time to move.

Opening the bedroom door revealed a quiet yet busy rest of the apartment. Hailey didn't have the TV on, but there was some kind of noise echoing in the apartment. The world outside the apartment was dark, Jay not totally recognizing till he was out here. In the bedroom the curtains were closed, allowing him to conclude that that was the reason for things being dark. But standing out in the living room and scanning the rest of the place, indeed the sun had set some time ago. The apartment was very dark, still, almost eerie lifeless. Which made the sound coming from the kitchen all the more frightening. It was the sound of talking, but from this distance to Jay it was barely above muffling. For a moment Jay thought someone was here, that people had been invited to dinner and without warning he was going to be thrown into a lot of new things. But as he inched closer to the kitchen, and noted the footsteps tracking across the floor sounded like one person, he breathed a sigh of relief. It was just Hailey playing a cooking video on her phone.

The kitchen was a flurry of activity. Steam was creeping out the bottom of the oven, a pot was rattling as it's lid was pulled off and returned right away. Hailey was frantic, measuring things while going between her phone for guidance and whatever she was doing. She had so many things going on, so much cooking and dinner prep happening that she didn't notice Jay standing at the kitchen counter, nor did she notice him sitting down at a barstool before propping his head up with a close fist resting on a side of his head. He watched her dinner making dance, wanting so badly to get up and help her, hug her, just do something to make her not look so stressed. Instead he slipped out a stifled yawn, sighed as he took her in. Clearly she'd been at this whole cooking task for awhile. It was obvious she was very much out of her element. But the fact that she was trying and truly putting in a full effort, Jay was beyond appreciative and couldn't have loved her anymore.

"Look at you cooking," Jay teased.

"Oh my God," Hailey shuttered, potato masher in her hand as the boiling pot of potatoes clanged shut as a result of her shaking in shock. Her head whipped in his direction, the dangling hairs that had slipped out of her messy bun fluttering up into a halo of fly aways. She was both shocked he was right there and surprised by his relaxed demeanor and presence. He smiled at her before laughing a little, watching her push the hair out of her face with a puff of air from her mouth. It didn't really do much.

"How…how long were you standing there."

"Just a couple seconds. This…is a new look for you." Hailey rolled her eyes, going back to the pot of potatoes and walking them to the strainer in the sink.

"Don't get used to it. This has been the most nerve wracking few hours of my life. Honestly how can people willingly make a whole Thanksgiving meal?!"

"Well, frantic and all you look stunning," he wooed. She wasn't in the mood for flattering.

"Shut up," she shot right back, smirking a little as the last of the water drained from the pot. She dove the masher into the pot, the squishing of wet potatoes being mashed into submission filled the space for the first couple of seconds, Jay had to break himself out of daydreaming into the steaming oven before speaking up.

"Do you need any help?!" Hailey was quick to shake her head, pouring hot cream and squares of butter into the pot before mashing things once more.

"You're the one that's recovering, not me. But I'm good, thank you for asking." She couldn't pry her eyes away from the pot, but managed to nod and flash a quick grin. Jay sighed, feeling incredibly terrible for sitting here and waiting for her to finish so he could enjoy the fruits of her hard labor. But at the same time she was very insistent on him resting and he wasn't about to add more stress to her by changing things up. So instead he sighed, lowering his head to the counter and gently resting on it. This was a rather unusual resting point for him in any state, Hailey smirking as she watched the little moment out of the corner of her eye. He was enjoying the sensation of material on his head, the warmth of it this very satisfying feeling. But that lasted about a minute before the pressure of resting this way sent alarms off. He was sporting a nice red mark right in the middle of his forehead as he sat back up.

"Will is going to think something awful happened to you." Jay nodded, rubbing the spot a little before that became too much. He winced at the shot of pain rippling across his head, grunting but a little. That one caught Hailey's ears, her head snapping right over to him.

"Hey, go get some pain meds. The last thing I need is Will walking through the door and you having a really bad pain episode. He'll never leave me alone with you again."

"I'm fine. It'll go away in a minute."

"Jay, I'm not kidding. Please, go get the meds."

"Fine, fine," he shooed, off his stool and back in a couple minutes. He paraded the pills in front of her, over exaggerating the dropping of the two pills into his mouth, swallowing an extra large swig of water before announcing that the pill was down. Hailey couldn't help but laugh at the antics, elated that Jay was acting so lively this evening. As far as she could remember this was the most of himself he'd been since surgery.

"Thank you."

"Hey, we're a team, remember?!"

"That I do. How did you sleep?" Jay nodded, crossing his arms and resting elbows on the counter as he contemplated the question. Sleep was still sleep to him, there wasn't much that happened during those times. He briefly recalls falling asleep and then some time later reemerges from the dark abyss. It was like someone was switching a light switch off and on inside of him, so reporting on that was kind of difficult at this stage.

"Fine," he half lied. It was all he could come up with and he knew that usually kept the nagging questions at bay.

"Good! You slept for a really long time."

"How long was I out?" Hailey looked down at her phone before calculating the time in her head, looking up at the ceiling while doing so.

"Four…hours?!" Jay eyes lit up.

"What?!" Hailey nodded vigorously.

"Oh yeah, it's almost seven now so yeah, that's about right."

"Wow, who knew going the store could be so draining."

"I know, right," Hailey teased? Jay smirked before nodding.

"But how are you feeling? Any side effects?" Jay was on the verge of telling her about the dizzy spell in the bedroom, wanted to be very forth coming about things and never had any intention of hiding stuff from her. But as he looked at her very hopeful and excited expression he couldn't bring himself to ruin it all. Looking back it wasn't that bad and he got over it. Despite the small moment, overall he was doing well. So much better than the last time he left the house. So against better judgement, perhaps, Jay shook his head.

"Other then still being tired, no nausea or spinning and definitely no throwing up."

"Well Jay, that is awesome news. See?! You can do it." If she wasn't elbow deep she'd run over and hug him and kiss him in deep pride. He nodded once more, looking down at the counter before scanning the rest of the kitchen. For a brief moment, this whole setting was feeling normal. Hailey wasn't dishing out meds, he was sitting up on his own power and having a conversation, and they were going to eat a home cooked meal. Was this the beginning of the new normal life? That was yet to be seen. But despite the fact he still felt very much a guest in his own home, and that he had to tip toe around and ask before doing anything, this perfect little snapshot of life was, at last, something he could see himself getting comfortable in. Too bad the peaceful little moment came to a drastic halt immediately after this little epiphany.

"Hey guys," Will called as he plunged through the front door. Without exaggeration, he tripped on the rug by the door and just about wiped out. The sound of a full grown human man nearly colliding with hardwood floor made both Jay and Hailey jump in their place, Jay spinning around in his seat as Hailey ducked her head down so she could see through the entryway of the kitchen.

"You okay," Jay asked once the noise ceased and Will had gathered himself. He turned to face his worried crowd rather flush with embarrassment, waving in humiliation as he started pulling off his outer layers.

"I'm fine, it's all fine."

"Oh good because that would be a change of events, having to drag you to the hospital for treatment," Hailey teased, dashing back to the cooktop to throw the green beans in a serving dish before spooning out the mashed potatoes into a large bowl.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" Will gently patted Jay's back, taking a seat on the stool next to him.

"I slept today."

"He did! He took a four hour nap when we got back." Will was quite impressed, taken aback as he looked his brother on with immense pride.

"Well look at you. And you took your meds?" Jay nodded once more.

"Everything. And I've been remembering to drink water during the day."

"Well what do you still need me for? So what, you're going back to work next week?"

"I wish," Jay sighed.

"Do not give him any ideas," Hailey chimed in, landing the sides on the counter before heading to the oven to pull out the main component. She eyed Jay for a second, laser beaming that look of not even trying to cross her. Jay smirked, rubbing his dry lips with a finger as he watched her don the oven mitts and begin to open the door.

"And how was the voyage to the store?"

"You aren't mad," Jay jokingly inquired? Will shrugged.

"I figured you were going to wait till I was gone to try and do something crazy like that. So when Hailey told me I wasn't surprised in the least. But it sounds like you did well and you aren't throwing up right now so…it must've been successful."

"Yeah! Everything went great." Hailey cleared her throat intentionally loud, landing the chicken on the counter before turning to glare at Jay once more.

"What," he asked?!

"Uuummm, you do need to tell him."

"Tell him what," Will asked. Jay rolled his eyes, not looking at Will as he confessed the minor setback.

"I got nervous before we got in." "No, you almost had a panic attack."

"Why did you almost have a panic attack?" The two of them looked at Jay, who was loving the cornering of him. He exhaled, rubbing his hands on his pant leg before he spoke.

"Because the sounds scared me. I thought it was too much and something would happen."

"Okay, I think that's a completely normal thing right now. Jay, it was your first time leaving the house and you've had sound sensitivity since surgery. That doesn't go away right away. So what did you do to fix it?"

"Hailey got earplugs and then we went in."

"See? You had an issue and you addressed it and you were able to finish what you wanted. Jay, that's huge. That's not something a lot of people are able to do this far out of surgery." Jay could only nod, fascinated with the floor the whole time. He couldn't see where he did well in any of that. He was scared of a grocery store, how was he supposed to celebrate that? Will patted Jay's shoulder a couple times, latching on and waiting for Jay to look up at him.

"Hey, you are doing really well. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are. You've accomplished so much in such a short amount of time, it's quite impressive."

"So I can go back to work next week," Jay joked? If Jay's head wasn't still healing Will would smack him. Instead he exhaled annoyed, shaking Jay's shoulder once before they turned to the bountiful meal in front of them.

"Please eat, and don't make fun of my cooking," Hailey spoke as she grabbed a plate and rounded the counter so it was three adults eating at the bar.

"It's really good," the Halsteads complimented as they scarfed their first serving down. They were grabbing for seconds as Hailey daintily cut her chicken into normal sized pieces and savored her hard work. It was a beautiful meal, both because of the people enjoying the meal and all the delightful food that was with them. They enjoyed discussing their rather fine, normal and mundane day with Will, who told them of the crazy tales in the ER. They talked, laughed, drank sober, and stuffed themselves till their stomach were a notch below explosion. It was the perfect ending to a quiet yet perfect day. Remember this time, one and all.