The next morning, Lincoln Loud was out of bed a half an hour before his alarm went off and doing push-ups in the dawn's early light. The night before, he turned in early, and when he first woke up, he tried to fall back asleep but in vain. He laid there for almost twenty minutes before heaving a frustrated sigh, throwing the covers off, and sitting up. Somehow, he managed to be both groggy and wide awake, so he decided to do some exercises to get the old blood pumping. He wasn't the most physical guy in the world, but his sister Lynn was a fitness freak, and for a while there, she made him work out with her. Going into it, he thought she was full of crap about exercising "feeling good" and junk, but she was right, it really did wake you up and make you feel good.
He didn't exercise often even though he knew he probably should, but there were times, like now, when doing so really came in handy. Normally, he would have put on some music - AC/DC, maybe, or Metallica - but because it was so early and everyone else was asleep, he skipped the tunes. The walls around here were about as thick as tissue paper, and every little noise had an uncanny way of traveling from one end of the house to the other. Sometimes he could even hear Leni and Lori arguing in their bedroom as clearly as if they were standing next to him, and their room was at the end of the hall. Clad in only a pair of gray sweat pants (since the night had been chilly), he dropped to the floor and gave his invisible drill sergeant fifty. When he was done with that, he jogged in place a little. His arms ached and he was warm all over, but the grogginess had gone and his mind was clear.
It was still early, so he decided to get a shower in before everyone else woke up. The hallway was dark, lit only by the muted, rust colored glow of a night light plugged in beneath an end table, and a chorus of gentle snores drifted out from behind seemingly every door. Lincoln walked through the semi darkness to the bathroom, snapped on the light, and shut the door behind him. He brushed his teeth, gargled with mouthwash, and then jumped in the shower, letting the hot water relax his tense muscles.
Done, he got out, dried off, and wrapped the towel around his waist. He slathered deodorant onto his armpits, then added a little more just to be on the safe side. His underarms were slick with white but he was still kind of worried that it wouldn't be enough. He had this thing about not stinking, and the deodorant that his parents bought was really cheap and weak, so if he didn't use the right amount, his pits would start to smell before school was even out.
By the time he was back in his room and getting dressed for the day, everyone else was beginning to get up. Lola and Lana brushed their teeth side by side at the sink, Luna showered, and Lucy sat on the toilet with her head down. The Loud kids, having grown up in such a crowded environment, lacked inhibitions that other families might have. When you have ten siblings all needing to use the bathroom at the same time, you could pretty much kiss privacy goodbye. From Lincoln's earliest memories, the bathroom had a revolving door, and almost every time he showered, at least a couple of his sisters came in to do other things, like fix their hair or put their make up on. Sometimes, when they were really tight on time, two of his sisters might shower together, such as Luna and Luan or Lori and Leni. If you're picturing something dirty and hot, forget about it. One would stand under the shower spray while the other stood behind, lathering up, then they'd switch spots. Lori told him that sister etiquette dictated that you keep your eyes forward and make a conscious effort not to look at the other person.
Lincoln, for once, was glad that he was the only boy, that way he didn't have to share his shower with anyone. The idea of a naked dude behind him didn't bother him - so he's got a crank and some balls, so do I, big deal - but he cherished his shower time because it afforded him the chance to be alone with his thoughts. Lincoln was a sociable and outgoing kid, but everyone needs a little time to themselves now and then. Lincoln would hate to have to share his shower with someone. Like damn, what's next? You gonna poop with me too?
Well, he wouldn't mind sharing his shower with Lori, but hehe that was a different story altogether.
Dressed, Lincoln sat on the edge of his bed and pulled his socks and shoes on. His socks were riddled with holes but he had to suck it up because all of his socks were riddled with holes, some more so than others. His mom bought his socks at the Family Dollar down the street. The material was thin and cheap and sometimes you couldn't even tell you were wearing socks. Lincoln shoved his school books into his backpack, slung it over his shoulder, and went downstairs. Since he was so early, he was the first one in the kitchen and had the pick of the cereals. Most of them were empty or nearly so. He combined Fruity Pebbles and Raisin Bran in a bowl, dumped milk on top, and carried his strange and frankly intimidating concoction to the dining room table.
He was almost done when the others began to trickle down, Lucy and Lana first, then Lola and Luan. Was it Lincoln's imagination or did Luan favor him with a quick, suspicious glance as she passed by? Was it just him, or was there something furtive and awkward in her eyes? Eh, probably just him. He got up, took his bowl into the kitchen, and washed it and his spoon. He sat both of them in the drying rack and decided to make himself lunch before leaving. If he remembered correctly, it was spaghetti day at school, and spaghetti was one of the many dishes that the cafeteria couldn't make right. At best, the school's food was edible. At worst, it tasted like hot garbage soaked in stomach acid.
Lincoln never understood why school food was so awful. He wondered where it came from. Surely some big company that mass produced stuff for schools across the country. If he had to guess, he would say it was the same place that made food for jails and prisons…and probably the military. Lincoln didn't know how it was possible to screw up something as basic as food, but it was probably freeze dried or something.
Anyway, he made himself a ham sandwich with nothing else on it, filled a Ziploc baggie with chips, and sneaked one of Lynn's sports bars for dessert. He threw all of this into a paper bag and went back into the dining room. He was hoping to at least catch a glimpse of Lori before he had to go, but she wasn't around.
Damn.
Oh well. It's not like he'd be able to give her a parting see-yout-later kiss or anything: All of his sisters were at the table now, and acting too familiar with her in front of them would raise their suspicions.
Luan's voice brought him out of his reprieve. "Leaving, Linc?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm going."
"Have a good day."
"You too."
He left the house. Outside, the day was overcast and somewhat on the chilly side; not cold enough that he needed a jacket, but definitely unseasonable for early September. If it kept up like this, there would be snow on the ground before Thanksgiving. Lincoln loved walking to school, but not in the winter time. The sidewalks between here and there always turned into sheets of ice and no one did anything about it. Residents were supposed to treat and salt the pieces of sidewalk in front of their houses but most didn't, so Lincoln and other kids had to slip and slide their way to school.
The back of Lincoln's neck prickled with the feeling of being watched, and he came to a slow halt. He turned around, and something darted into a thick bush next to the sidewalk. He caught the briefest flash of yellow and white, then it was gone. He raised one quizzical eyebrow, then turned back around when he decided that it must have been a stray cat. Lots of those around here.
Still, the feeling of being watched plagued him the whole way to school. Outside of the building itself, he turned one final time just to catch a fleeting glimpse of someone (or something) stepping behind the wide, gnarled trunk of an oak tree.
No, no, it wasn't something, it was absolutely someone, a person, a human form with arms, legs, and a body. Lincoln's lungs froze and he tingled all over as if his entire body had fallen asleep then had been rudely awakened.
Someone was following him.
A cold, wet gust of wind washed over him, seeming to enhance the grim mood. He stared at the tree trunk for a long time, his hands unconsciously balling into defensive fists. He expected his pursuer to step out from behind the trunk at any moment, perhaps wearing a white Halloween mask and holding a knife, but nothing happened. The world was still, silent save for the breath of the wind. He took a step forward, intent on confronting whoever it was, but stopped when the ringing of the day's first bell drifted from the nearby school. He hesitated, glanced over his shoulder, and considered his next move. He couldn't afford to be late. If he was late, he might get into trouble. Last winter, he was late a dozen times owing to falling on the ice and moving really, really slowly to avoid killing himself. He knew he'd do the same this upcoming winter, so it was best to save up all the good will he could. If he was late in January and February, the teachers would understand, but if he made a habit of being late beforehand, they'd just say he was making excuses. Adults be like that sometimes.
Heaving a sigh, Lincoln turned and hurried across the street, tossing harried glances over his shoulder. Nothing moved. No one emerged.
When he was out of sight, Luan let out a deep breath that she didn't realize she was holding and relaxed against the tree trunk. He had been partly right about the mask, only instead of a ghostly visage, Luan wore a pair of Graucho Marx glasses, complete with fake nose and mustache. In her mind, it was as good a disguise as any, and if Lincoln caught her following him, he wouldn't recognize her…even though she was dressed in her normal skirt and blouse. She thought she was being slick and smart, but even Lily would have recognized her.
She peeked out from behind the tree and studied the facade of the school. She took out her phone and called Luna, who answered on the second ring. "Yeah?"
"I followed Linc to school," she said, "nothing happened."
"Got it."
They hung up.
Luna's idea was that maybe Lincoln and Lori would meet up somewhere along Lincoln's route to school for a quick "hi how are ya?" If they did so, it'd be kind of suspicious. Why would they need to meet up alone? Of course, that hadn't happened.
Were they on a wild goose chase?
That thought occurred to her several times as she followed her little brother along his way to school, but each time she had rejected it. Lynn wasn't given to flights of fancy like other girls might be. If she said she saw something strange going on between them, she saw it, no question. She could, however, be mistaken.
Even if so, Luan owed it to her family to see this all the way through, even if it meant sneaking around and spending long, boring hours staking Lincoln out.
Mind made up, Luan left for school. She would come back later.
And she would follow Lincoln.
On her way to school, Lori stopped off at Starbucks for a coffee. Sitting in the drive-thru, elbow propped on the door frame and fingers threaded through her blonde hair, she stared blankly into space and fought against the nausea in her stomach. The previous night, she had dinner with Carol and Taco Shack, and the bean burrito she had was not agreeing with her. She was fine last night, but this morning when she woke up, she felt like she was going to hurl. She skipped breakfast but now she was starting to feel better and kind of regretted not ordering a sandwich with her coffee. There was nothing she could do about it now, though. This line was long af and she was not about to go through it again.
The car ahead of her zoomed away, and Lori pulled up to the window. A dead eyed male barista (if there was any such thing) took her money and handed her a cup. Lori thanked him, sat the cup in the console cupholder, and drove off. As she made her way to school, she sipped her coffee and listened to the morning zoo banter on WKBBL.
Though a small town, Royal Woods got fairly congested at rush hour, mainly because the interstate was nearby and a lot of people used Main Street as a throughway. Most of the people in town worked in Detroit and surrounding areas, so at certain times of day, they were all leaving town or coming back to it at the same time. Lori got stuck at a red light and cycled through it twice because there were so many cars. She blew a frustrated sigh and threw one hand up. "C'mon," she said. She was feeling uncharacteristically annoyed this morning.
By the time she got to school, her stomach was feeling kind of iffy again, but not as bad as before. She burped, tasted the ghost of last night's burrito, and gagged. Oh, yuck. Last time I ever eat that crap. She pulled into a parking space facing the commons and killed the engine. She gulped down the last of her coffee and got out. She had a little time to kill and walked around looking for Carol. She found her sitting on a bench and sat beside her. "That burrito I had last night is coming back to haunt me," she said.
"Yeah," Carol said, "they do that sometimes. I told you you should have had the Mexican pizza. It's so good."
Lori shrugged one shoulder. "It had beans on it too."
"More like bean paste," Carol said. "Still, it's totally worth it." She reached into her purse and brought out her phone. "Ready for day two?"
"Are you going to ask me this every day?"
Carol grinned. "Until you tell me that you aren't ready."
A group of boys passed by and Carol tracked them with her eyes. Rather, she tracked their butts with her eyes. "Then you'll be waiting a while," Lori said, "because I'm ready like Spongebob."
"Oh, boy," Carol said, "that's a whole lot of ready."
"Yep," Lori said, "and it shows no signs of stopping."
Something else that showed no signs of stopping was Lori's messed up stomach. It rolled and pitched like a ship in a stormy sea. During her first class, it got so bad that she had to hold onto the desk with both hands and clamp her mouth shut for fear of puking. It subsided a little toward the end of the period and she felt almost normal, but in second period, it came back with a vengeance. Hot bile churned in her midsection and she knew with a flutter that she was going to hurl. She asked to be excused, and made a great effort to walk out of the room like normal. Once in the hall, she rushed to the bathroom, reaching it just in time to kneel in front of one of the toilets and let loose. Stinking brown stomach water filled the bowl and Lori's vision strained. She closed her eyes and let it come, trying her best to breathe through her mouth between each bout of vomiting.
When it was over, she felt completely fine. All she needed was to get that damn burrito out of her system, apparently. She flushed, went to the sink, and turned it on, cupping her hands under the water and using it to wash her mouth out. She checked herself in the mirror, then returned to class. The rest of the day passed uneventfully. At around one, Lincoln texted asking if she wanted to go out for dinner later on, and her stomach growled. They made a date for Burpin' Burger at 5.
At the end of the day, she and Carol hung out on the commons for a while. The sun had come out and the temperature had risen to the low seventies, making it a warm and beautiful afternoon. Sunlight filtered through the boughs of the big oak tree standing sentry in the middle of the park and a gentle breeze caressed Lori's face. Lori didn't have any homework that day but Carol did, and she did it while they sat there, using a text book balanced on her knees as a mini desk. They chatted a little about various things. Carol had a crush on one of her professors and wondered if Lori had met any cute guys. "Not really," Lori said, "I'm here to get a degree, not to date."
"You should date anyway," Carol said. "It's weird, ever since you and Bobby broke up, you've been, like, closed to the idea. You don't even look at guys anymore."
Well, that's because I'm with the perfect guy already. Out loud, she said, "I'm just not into it, you know? I wanna focus on me and myself for right now. Once I'm a little farther down the road, I'll think about dating. For right now, the only dates I'm having involve studying."
Carol playfully rolled her eyes.
Around 3:30, Carol and Lori split up, Carol going to chase after some cute guy she saw and Lori sitting in her car and playing around on her phone. She caught a flash of movement from the corner of her eye and looked up just as a wisp of red, white, and brown disappeared behind a bench roughly 50 feet away. Lori froze and stared at the spot for a long moment, not knowing if she had actually seen anything or if she was imagining that she had. For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was Lynn. She wore a red and white jersey and had brown hair. Now that she thought about it, she was almost certain that that was what she had seen. What would Lynn be doing here, though? She had been out of school for nearly an hour so it wasn't impossible, but…yeah, what reason did she have to be here?
For a moment, Lori just sat there…then, following a hunch, she got out of the car and walked over to the bench. She peeked behind it, and was surprised to find Lynn crouching there. Their eyes met and the color drained from Lynn's face, almost as though she had seen a ghost. "Uh…Lynn?" Lori asked.
"Yeah?" Lynn asked somewhat sheepishly.
"...what are you doing here?"
Lynn pursed her lips in thought, and Lori was suddenly sure that something weird was going on here. "Uh…I'm playing extreme hide and seek," Lynn said. "Yeah, with Polly and Margo. We hide all over town and it's up to whoever's it to find us. Sometimes it takes hours."
Putting her hands sternly on her hips, Lori cocked her head to one side. Something told her Lynn was lying. Before she could call her out on it, however, her phone buzzed and she checked it to find a text from Lincoln. "Alright then," Lori said, letting it go. "Have fun."
She got back into the car and drove off. She turned the encounter over and over in her mind but quickly forgot about it once she met up with Lincoln at Burpin' Burger. They sat in a booth along a window overlooking the drive-thru and talked as they sipped their drinks and ate their fries. All of Lori's troubles melted away and the beautiful glow of Lincoln's face made everything better.
After their meal, they each ordered an ice cream cone. "Might as well," Lincoln said, "since the ice cream machine is working again."
Lori laughed. "Yeah, we better get it now before it breaks down again."
As they ate, Lori had the sudden prickling sensation of being watched. She turned to the window, and just like earlier, she caught a flash of red, white, and brown disappearing behind a wooden fence separating the parking lot from a side street.
Lynn.
Again.
Without saying anything to Lincoln, who was still talking, Lori got up and went outside. Lincoln hesitated, but then followed. Outside, Lori went to the fence and looked around the corner. She was just in time to catch Lynn disappearing around another corner at the end of the street. "What's up with her?" Lori asked herself softly.
"Who?" Lincoln asked.
Lori let out a deep sigh and sagged a little. "Lynn," she said. "I think she's following me."
"Following you?" Lincoln asked skeptically.
Lori told him about seeing Lynn at the college earlier, and Lincoln listened intently. When she was finished, he related his paranoia of that morning, how he momentarily thought someone was following him and watching him from afar. Lori frowned as he related his tale, and felt compelled to look around, as if by doing so she could catch Lynn - or someone else - spying on them. "Do you think someone was following me earlier?" Lincoln asked.
"I don't know," Lori said, "maybe. Either way, something is going on here."
And there was only one thing to do about it.
Lisa Loud was not known for her ethics. A precocious and curious genius, she had suckered her siblings into many expiriments over the years with little regard for their health and well-being. As time passed and she matured, however, she developed something of a conscience. Now she could no longer violate her family members in such careless ways.
That was why when Luna came to her and asked her to install a hidden camera in Lincoln's room, she declined. Luna gave her some vague and slipshod reason for needing Lincoln's room wired; Lisa did not believe her and said as much upfront. "There are some circumstances under which I would comply with your request," Luna told the rocker, "but the justification you have given me rings hollow. I'll need more information before making up my mind."
Luna sighed and rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Lise, this is serious. Just do it for me, huh?"
Crossing her arms, Lisa stood her ground. "I have the impression that you're lying to me. Tell me the truth."
Finally, Luna broke down and let Lisa in on the situation. "Hmm," Lisa said and stroked her chin, "the two of them have been acting rather intimately lately," she said. "I'll do it."
Fifteen minutes later, as Luna stood watch, Lisa sneaked into Lincoln's room and installed a camera in his closet. It was a larger model than she would have liked, but she couldn't do much on such short notice. She made every effort to conceal it and was sure that Lincoln wouldn't find it. He rarely ever cleaned his room so the chances of him accidentally stumbling across it were small. She made sure to point the camera directly at the bed, then fiddled with the mic. Done, she left the room. "Done," she told Luna.
"Awesome," Luna said.
Lisa returned to her lab and tried to forget the whole matter, but her mind kept drifting back to the possibility of Lincoln and Lori engaging in incest. She was appalled by the notion, but strangely fascinated by it as well. Surely it would be interesting to study such a relationship. You see, human beings evolved with an inborn aversion to incest as a way of perserving genetic integrity. Humans emit pheromones - subconscious smells, you might say - and pheromones were what often attracted one person to another. The pheremones of one's close cospecific usuallt repelled sexual desire. In cases of incest, however, that didn't seem to be the case.
Why?
Lisa had always wondered that. Her curiosity was vague and half formed, not something that she engaged in often, but here and now, faced with it, she simply had to know. She decided, therefore, to investigate this matter on her own. She would study and observe, take notes, and then run tests. If, of course, something was really going on between Lincoln and Lori. They had become fairly close over the last few months, that was plain to see. Perhaps Luna's mind was simply in the gutter, or perhaps she was onto something. Lisa would just have to wait and see.
That night, Lincoln and Lori got home from their date around six. Lori wanted them to come through the door separately - ten or so minutes apart - so that it didn't look like they were together, but Lincoln vetoed that idea. Lynn was certainly following them and knew for a fact that they were together. If they went out of their way to deny that fact, it would look suspicious. On the drive home, they talked about the whole thing and reached the conclusion that Lynn was watching them. She didn't just happen to be at the college and Burpin; Burger, she was there for a reason. Why?
To spy on them, of course.
Or, rather, to spy on Lori specifically. There was only one logical reason for that: She suspected something was going on between them. They decided that it would be best to not hang out for a while lest their relationship come to light. Lincoln wasn't happy about it, but it had to be done. They had to be careful. Choosing to be apart now was better than being forced apart later on. Lincoln couldn't understand it: He and Lori had been so careful. They took great pains to keep their relationship under wraps. How did this happen?
As careful as they were, he reckoned, they hadn't been careful enough. From here on out, they would have to be more cautious with how they interacted. No more hugging and kissing, no more slipping into each other's rooms at night, no more anything…at least here at home. They could get away and meet somewhere private, but they would have to make extra sure that they weren't followed.
It was possible that they were jumping the gun here, their guilty consciences making them paranoid, but as the saying goes: Better safe than sorry.
In his room, he popped off his shirt, kicked his shoes into the closet, and jumped onto his bed with a bounce. He leaned over, reached into the nightstand drawer, and took out a comic book. It was a parody of The Walking Dead called The Rocking Dead. In it, burn out metal heads take over the world, and Mick Rimes and his wacky friends try to survive. It was dumb, but Lincoln liked it, especially how the writers turned The Governor, one of the show's big bads, into The Governator - basically Arnold Schwartzenegger from Terminator 2, complete with leather jacket and sunglasses.
Unbeknownst to him, Lisa was watching through the camera.
Waiting.
The next morning, Lori woke early with a nauseous stomach. She was barely out of bed when the urge to puke swept over her and she rushed to the bathroom. She knelt in front of the toiler and let loose. Spent, she hung her head and caught her breath. Maybe eating a greasy hamburger and cold, greasy fries the day after that burrito wasn't such a good idea. She finished up, washed her mouth out with water, then decided to grab a shower since she was in the neighborhood. She brushed her teeth then went back to her room. Her stomach reeled and churned, and the more she thought about it, the more it didn't feel like regular nausea. She had been sick a million times before in her life but she had never felt anything quite like this. A thought occurred to her, but she instantly rejected it.
No, couldn't be.
Yet the idea grew louder and louder in her head until she could no longer ignore it. She dressed hurriedly, skipped breakfast, and drove toward school, her hands tight on the wheel. She stopped by Starbucks to grab a coffee, then drove two blocks to the Rite Aid near the First National Bank of Royal Woods. She went inside and sheepishly bought a pregnancy test. She thought the cashier would raise an eyebrow but instead she took no special notice of the purchase. Lori got back into her car and drove to the college. She didn't meet up with Carol like she usually did. Instead, she went straight to the nearest girl's room. She sat on the toilet and peed on the test. When she was done, she got up, pulled her shorts up, and waited for the results.
Slowly, one line appeared in the little window.
That meant she wasn't -
Another line appeared.
Pregnant.
She was pregnant.
