Chapter 18: What is it, Mer?

"I'm sorry Dr. Grey, he's not answering his phone either. Shall I page him again?"

"Dammit!" Meredith answered, causing Derek's secretary to jump a little behind her desk. "You're sure you paged him 911?"

"Yes Ma'am. Is everything alright?" The secretary seemed to sense the panic in her boss's new fiancé.

"Not really." Meredith mumbled trying to gather her thoughts. She needed to talk to Derek, and she needed to do it now. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair and her pacing was stopped by the shrill sound of her own pager.

She reached down and what she read on the small screen knocked the wind out of her and dread ran through her veins.

"Shit! This can't be happening… please no…" She looked back up with large, frightened eyes. "Tell Dr. Shepherd to call me immediately when you get a hold of him. It's an emergency."

The secretary watched the tiny woman sprint off towards the direction of the elevators as a bad feeling sunk into the pit of her stomach. She automatically picked up the phone and pressed redial. She would do everything in her means to try and get a hold of her boss.


Derek walked out of his meeting grumpy. There was nothing he despised more than sitting at a round table with a bunch of stuffed shirt beauracrats debating the hospitals budget. The meeting had run over by at least forty-five minutes and he was tired.

He absentmindedly checked his pager again for probably the twentieth time. It was unusually quiet all afternoon. When Mr. Luckabee had replaced his previous pager and cell phone earlier in the day with newer models, something his boss had explained to him that all the doctors of the hospital were eventually switching over to, he'd assured Derek that everything was working, and all his calls and pages would be forwarded through. Now he wasn't so sure.

"Dr. Shepherd!" His secretary's anxious voice broke through his thoughts and he sighed.

"What is it, Emily?"

"Dr. Grey's been trying to get a hold of you. She said it's an emergency."

This brought Derek's head up. "Wh..What do you mean emergency? Did she say what was going on? Why didn't she call me?"

Emily stepped back a little from her angered boss. "I'm sorry sir. She didn't say what. We both have been trying to reach you all afternoon."

Derek cursed under his breath and slammed his pager back into his pocket. That answered any questions about whether or not the mechanical devices were working.

"Where is she now?" Derek asked impatiently as he crossed his office for his desk phone.

"She didn't say where she was going…"

"Derek." They were interrupted by Addison's tense voice at the doorway.

His hand froze over the receiver as he met his ex-wife's worried eyes.

"What's going on Addie? Where's Meredith?" Derek felt his throat closing as his chest got tighter. Fear and panic were slowly beginning to suffocate him.

"Meredith's fine. She's downstairs…. It's Carwyn." As desperately as she tried to remain in control, her voice cracked giving away the magnitude of what was going on.

Carwyn?Derek felt as though he was punched in the stomach. He gripped the desk for support and forced himself to speak coherently. "Where's Carwyn? Did something happen to her? Is she okay?" He had a million more questions but was stopped by Addison.

"Come with me Derek. I don't know much… but she's downstairs in the emergency room. Something happened at preschool."

Derek didn't know how he was moving, but a force unknown to him was driving him, forcing him to put one foot in front of the other, slow at first but soon fast as he and Addison took off towards where the unknown fate of his daughter rested.


Adrenaline pumped through Meredith, and she couldn't ever remember running so fast. She made it to the ER in record time and searched for a familiar face. She was waiting in Derek's office, franticly needing to share with him what she learned from Callie, when she'd received the page. The code was for her daughter, and it had said emergency room. It didn't take long for everything to be put together in her mind. He had got to her. The son of a bitch had gotten to her baby.

Alex's distraught face caught her attention from the corner of her eye, and she hurried over to him. He paced nervously in front of a closed trauma room. The blinds were closed, and she couldn't see in but Meredith knew. She brushed passed her friend and reached for the door only to be stopped by his strong grip.

"Mer. You can't go in there."

"Alex move! I need to see my baby! What happened?! What's going on?! LET GO OF ME!" Meredith sobbed and fought against the stronger man.

"Meredith. Stop. Would you just listen to me for a minute?" Alex used his strength against the surprisingly strong small woman to make her look at him. "We don't know exactly what happened Mer. They're doing everything they can."

"What do you mean everything they can?! What's wrong with her?! Just tell me damnit Alex!" Meredith's body shook as her wet red eyes pleaded with Alex.

"She went into cardiac arrest and stopped breathing. Her teacher said she just collapsed in the middle of the classroom while they were playing a game."

This brought on a whole new round of sobs and Meredith clung to Alex for support as her legs gave way. This can't be happening. This is all my fault. She thought over and over in her mind. She needed to tell Derek. She needed to call the police. But all she could do was cry, letting the tears and grief seep from her body, praying to wake from this horrible nightmare.


Derek exited the stairs on the first floor with a loud thud from the metal door and immediately knew where he was headed. He didn't have to follow Addison anymore as his body moved towards the loud sobs and yelling coming from the woman he loved. He spotted her across the room, sobbing and shaking as Alex desperately tried to hold her up. He was there in moments and took her small body from their friend and wrapped her in his own arms.

Tears streamed down his own cheeks and he held her tight against his body. He knew only as much as she did, only the brief details that Addison shared on their race downstairs. They stood together, not speaking, tears communicating for them, as they clung to one another for dear life.

Finally, Meredith spoke, breaking the thick silence. "Derek, there's something I have to tell you."

Derek looked down into the red puffy face of his panicked fiancé, but before he could respond the door to the trauma room opened and a doctor stepped out.

Derek's embrace tightened protectively around Meredith as they anxiously waited for him to speak.

"Chief Shepherd, Dr. Grey." He addressed them both formally. "Carwyn's heart is now beating on her own. She's still on a ventilator, but we expect she'll come off that soon as well. She gave us quite a scare."

"So, she's going to be okay?" Derek let out a relieved breath. "What happened? Do you know yet the cause of her cardiac arrest? She's always been so healthy. She's never had any problems."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you both about. I can't be positive until her blood screen and tox scans come back from the lab… but I'm almost positive she was poisoned."

Derek gasped and Meredith tightened her grip on Derek's shirt.

"Are you sure? I mean… how could…." Derek's voice trailed off. They were so careful. How could anyone have gotten to their daughter?

"Again, we can't be one hundred percent sure until her labs get back." The doctor lowered his voice. "I talked to her teacher and the director of the day care… and they both said that apparently the children were brought cupcakes today as a special treat."

Derek shook his head frustrated. "I'm sorry I'm not following. What does this…Are you saying the cupcakes were poisoned?!"

"That's what's odd sir. Apparently …only Carwyn's was tainted."

Anger stormed through Derek's body. "Where the hell did the cupcakes come from?! Who brought them?"

The doctor looked around quickly before meeting the enraged father's eyes. "Be assured that the police have already been notified sir."

Derek was growing angrier and more frustrated with each exchange; he was clearly missing something.

"What are you saying?!" He reached out to shake the exasperating man, when Meredith gasped, causing him to stop.

He looked down into the wide frightened green eyes. "What is it?"

Meredith shook her head trying to gather her courage. Derek's arms moved from around her back to hold both of her upper arms. "What!?"

She forced her eyes from the darkening blue ones to the other doctor. "It was Mr. Luckabee." She didn't even have to ask. She knew.

Derek's head shot up stunned at the outrageous accusation. He followed Meredith's gaze slowly to the doctor, and rocked back when the man slowly nodded in concurrence

New tears sprung from Meredith's eyes as Derek watched her disbelieving. "How did you know Mer?" He released his tight grip he held on her and ran a hand through his hair aggravated. He felt his world slowly spinning out of control.

"I..I.. I'm so sorry Derek!" She sobbed, covering her face with her shaking hands. "I wasn't sure… I didn't want…I didn't know…." She took a breath and tried to reclaim power over her speech. "I had a feeling.. but I didn't want to jump to any false conclusions…so I had Callie do a little research into his past… and I only found out about him minutes before I got the page for Carwyn… I wanted to tell you Derek… I'm so sorry!"

Derek's eyes were wide with incredulity. Meredith could hardly stand to look back at the fiery blue eyes laced with rage. "What exactly did you find out Mer?"

His voice was cold and distant, if she weren't standing directly in front of him, seeing the wrath for herself, she wouldn't have recognized it.

Meredith wrapped her arms around herself for security. She was scared and afraid and now Derek was yelling at her. This was all her fault. How could she have been so foolish, so careless? She looked back up into the eyes of the man she loved more than any other man in her entire life. She shuttered with the realization that he might never forgive her.

She swallowed, excepting that fate. She knew she would never forgive herself. Meredith took one last breath before turning back to the expectant doctors, and sharing the news Callie called with an hour earlier.