Chapter 20: Sadness and Sorrow

Meredith was numb. She felt detached from her body as she sat in a hard chair. Izzie and Addison hovered over her, smoothing her hair, offering her water, holding her hand. Her screaming died down half an hour ago, the intense hot fear that had at first engulfed her was slowly turning into cold dread. Carwyn was missing for thirty-seven minutes. Thirty-seven long painstaking minutes of unknown terror.

Derek immediately jumped into action. He hollered for security and the hospital intercom immediately went off in shouts of a Code Adam. The Seattle Police Department arrived in record time and instantly fanned out through the hospital. An Amber Alert was immediately announced throughout Washington and neighboring states. Carwyn's picture flashed on every TV screen throughout the nation. Everyone was doing everything they could. Still, it didn't seem like enough.

Meredith lifted her blurry, red puffy eyes to Derek, who paced back and forth across the room. All their friends came. Mark and Alex walked next to Derek, desperately trying to get him to sit still and calm down. Burke arrived in record time and now sat, holding Cristina as she watched her person struggle with the immense grief. George sat a few feet away, talking quietly on the phone with Callie who finally got a hold of her cousin, who had in effect contacted the FBI for them and at the present time were on the way to the hospital. Even Richard Webber, the closest thing Meredith had ever had to a father, came and was doing everything he could to help.

Thirty-eight minutes, she thought. Carwyn had now been gone for thirty-eight minutes. Everyone knew that the first sixty minutes were the most critical. It was in the first hour a of child abduction that the victim's fate was decided. The clock was playing against them. It was a horrible nightmare that no one could seem to wake up from.

A small commotion to the front of the lobby caused everyone to look up. Four men in dark suits had entered the hospital and the SPD Police Chief had rushed over to greet them. Meredith assumed them to be the FBI agents everyone seemed to be waiting for and slowly stood. She saw Derek stop pacing as well, as they both watched the exchange between the authorities.

Slowly they made their way from opposite ends of the room to the group of men and Derek spoke. "Can someone please talk to us? Tell us what the hell you're doing to find my daughter?!"

"Dr. Shepherd, this is Agent Sculder and Agent Mullie." The police chief motioned to the two men standing closest. "They're the FBI agents assigned to the case."

Derek nodded and grunted something incoherent. He didn't want to waste time with the pleasantries. He only wanted his daughter back.

"Sir, I can assure you we're doing everything possible to try and locate your daughter. If you wouldn't mind coming with us… somewhere more private… we can further discuss the case with both of you."

Derek shook his head. "Whatever you have to say you can say it here. They're all family." He gestured to the room full of their closest friends.

The lead detective nodded and both Meredith and Derek could tell he was carefully choosing his words. "It's been confirmed that the male working here under the alias of Jon Luckabee is actually a wanted convict whose legal name is Chris O'Dandridge. Jon Luckabee is only one of the many false identities he's assumed in the last decade."

They both nodded, they had learned this earlier and none of it came as a shock. Derek was growing frustrated with the unhurried speed at which he was learning new information.

"Okay… so we know who he is? But that doesn't tell me what he wants with my daughter? And why the hell was he stalking my fiancé?! This isn't making since to me."

"From what we've been able to conclude sir is that Seattle Grace was approved for a multi-million dollar grant a few months before Mr. O'Drandridge showed up."

Derek nodded, knowing exactly what they were referring to.

"We assume he wanted in on the easy cash. We already have proof that he's written more than a couple checks to himself from the hospital account. We also assume, that he saw the easiest way to distract you, Chief of surgery in charge of approving the budget… was by trying to scare your fiancé."

It was starting to slowly make since to Derek. "But why Carwyn? Why poison her and then take her? Is he after a ransom?"

The detective nodded. "We believe so sir. Your daughter's lab work was faxed over to us on the way and it showed that the type of poison she was contaminated with wasn't a lethal form. It was meant just to stop her heart and breathing, but she would have regained function of her organs shortly if no medical intervention was used. It was only a diversion to get her downstairs where she could more easily be taken. Unfortunately, he's a very smart man. He must have had this planned for months."

"Now what?" He didn't feel any better now that he had answers; Carwyn was still missing and now apparently in the hands of an intelligent, yet vicious criminal.

"Now's the hard part. We wait. Men like him are greedy. He's going to be in contact with you soon… he's going to want to give his demands. And when he calls... we'll be ready. We have a unit on the way to his residence, we know he won't be there, but we want to see if we can find any leads. I know this is hard and you're both scared… but the best thing for you both to do right now is sit and wait… and trust me. I want to get your daughter back safe and sound just as much as you."

Derek sighed in defeat. He hated feeling helpless, he hated having absolutely no control over the situation, but he nodded in acceptance anyways. He'd wait. He'd let them do their job.

Derek's eyes fell on Meredith for the first time since they'd started talking to the police. She had remained unusually quiet during the whole conversation and he could see she was barely standing on her shaking legs. He frowned and put an arm around her as he led her back to the row of empty chairs. He carefully set her down, but remained standing in front of her.

It took every ounce of strength, but she finally lifted her eyes to meet Derek's. The blame and anger were long gone, and now she looked into two empty pools of blue. He looked vacant, defeated. A fresh set of tears formed in her own eyes as reached out to him.

"D..Derek…" She whispered.

He watched her scared face, her pleading eyes. Her small hand trembled as it lightly grasped his large wrist. She wanted him to stay with her. She needed him to tell her everything was going to be okay. That they'd find Carwyn, and they'd get through this.

Derek couldn't. He couldn't whisper soothing condolences and reassuring promises because he honestly didn't know what was going to happen. He couldn't give her false assurance. For the first time, he didn't have hope to offer. Carwyn's fate was out of his hands, and it crushed his soul and broke his heart into tiny pieces that he hadn't been able to protect her. That all his vow's and promises that he'd be their knight in shining armor was in vain. He failed them.

He pulled his arm away from the woman he loved and tore his eyes off of her devastated expression. He couldn't be what she needed right now. He didn't want her to see him like this, so shattered and destroyed.

"I can't." And with that he walked slowly… painfully… away.


Meredith sat frozen until she couldn't take it any longer. She couldn't stay in one place anymore. She couldn't handle the hovering, the reassuring comments of her friends, the pitying glances of the police officers wandering the lobby. It was all too much.

She stood suddenly, surprising those around her. Addison and Izzie both rose to their feet in response, worried what Meredith would do, worried she might fall over.

Meredith shook her head and held her hand up to stop them from following. "Please… I.. I just need to be alone for a minute…Please.."

She didn't wait to see their response, just started walking away. Away from the stares, away from her friends who meant well. Her legs grudgingly obeyed as she stumbled down a small hall and found the women's bathroom. She pushed the heavy door open with her shaky hands and crossed the tile floor to one of the sinks.

The reflection staring back at her caused her to cringe. She almost didn't recognize the pathetic woman staring back at her. So pale, so deflated, so scared. She turned on the cold water and let it pool in her gathered hands a minute before splashing it over her face.

She hoped the chilly liquid would snap her out of her terrified trance, but it failed to do anything but get her wet. She lost her ability to feel anything but pain. Sorrow was the only sense her body chose to acknowledge

She slowly moved to the paper towel dispenser and freed a couple from their confines. She softly patted her sore face dry then carelessly dropped them in a waste bin. Meredith leaned against a cold hard wall and slowly let herself fall down to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest in a defensive position. She found that she couldn't even cry, all her tears was spent and she was empty. So she stared unseeing across the empty bathroom, unthinking, unmoving. She wondered if she sat still for long enough, would she be able to disappear?


Derek hid himself in an isolated locker room a few floors away from Meredith, from his friends, from the damn police and FBI officers who were trying to do their job.

His muscles burned, and sweat dripped from his forehead as his blank mind focused on the rhythmic sounds coming from the rowing machine. He pulled with his arms, causing his biceps to blaze; and pushed with his quads setting the muscles off in tremors. He didn't mind the pain; it smothered the ache in his heart and the sharp twinge in his stomach. The physical pain was so much easier to deal with than the emotional turmoil he was caught up in.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there; time had lost all meeting to him as the clocked ticked on. Each minute that had passed meant Carwyn was further and further away. And so, he stopped keeping track. He cleared his head and focused on the pulling and the pushing. Over and over again until he didn't even have to think of the motions. His body had memorized them and taken over in autopilot.

Then Meredith's terrified face flashed in his mind. She was so scared, so lost. And he had walked away. She was downstairs, frightened and alone, and most likely blaming herself. He hadn't done anything to assure her it was no more her fault than anyone else's; his silence had only solidified it for her.

Derek stopped rowing and threw the handles down hard. He gasped for air, trying to catch his breath as he buried his sweat covered head in his hands. He needed to pull it together. He was the man. He was Meredith's protector. If he could successfully run the surgical floor of one of the nation's top hospitals, he could sure as hell run a family. He could do this. He would find Meredith and apologize profusely, get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. He would kiss away her remorse and fear, make sure she knew it wasn't her fault. Make sure she knew how much he loved her. And then, together, side by side, they would get through this. They would help the police and, together, they would get Carwyn back. Together.

Derek grabbed a clean white towel and dried the perspiration on his skin as he hurried out of the dim locker room and towards the stairs, eager to find Meredith.


Meredith's phone went off, the chirping of the familiar song echoing off the empty stalls of the bathroom. Unthinking Meredith flipped it open and held it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"-"

"Hello?" Meredith repeated.

"Mama?" It was so small and so frightened Meredith nearly didn't hear her.

"Oh my gosh! Carwyn baby?! Is that you?! Where are you?! Are you hurt?!... Carwyn! Talk to me… please baby…" Meredith's heart pounded in her chest and drops of sweat threatened on her brow.

"Mama…" Her baby was crying, and Meredith's heart broke all over again. She sounded so scared and fragile.

"Carwyn… talk to me… where are you… are you okay?! Did he hurt you baby?!" Fear was screaming in her head, she needed to know Carwyn was all right.

Meredith heard a shuffle on the other end of the phone and she gripped the receiver tight in her hands. She opened her mouth to call out for Carwyn again when a familiar deep laugh interrupted her.

"You son of a bitch! Where are you?! What did you do to my baby?"

He chuckled again than finally answered. "I didn't do anything to your precious Princess."

Anger was growing rapidly inside Meredith, replacing her fear of only seconds ago. "What do you want?! Money?! Whatever it is just tell us! We'll give you anything… just please... don't hurt her… she's only a baby!"

"I'm not after the money anymore." His voice was cool and even.

"THEN, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!"

"You." It was a simple answer that filled Meredith with dread to the core of her being.

The mad man went on. "Now do everything exactly as I say if you ever want to see your baby again…"